You’re excited to share something you’re proud of, and then someone jumps in with, “Oh, that’s nothing—I’ve done [insert bigger, better thing here].” It’s like they can’t help but make it a competition. Every win you share becomes their chance to one-up you. At first, it’s just annoying. But over time, it starts to wear on you. In this episode, I’m sharing 3 simple strategies to deal with one-uppers. You’ll learn how to protect your peace, set boundaries, and stop letting these moments steal your joy. If you found this helpful, be sure to subscribe and leave a 5-star review :) This episode is sponsored by Cozy Earth. Visit cozyearth.com/jefferson and use my exclusive 40% off code JEFFERSON to give the gift of luxury this holiday season. If you get a post purchase survey, say that you heard about Cozy Earth from The Jefferson Fisher Podcast! Pre-order my new book, The Next Conversation, today! Suggest a topic or ask a question for me to answer on the show! Want a FREE communication tip each week? Click here to join my newsletter. Watch my podcast on YouTube Follow me on Instagram Follow me on LinkedIn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Full Episode
So you decide to share a story, and after it's over, your friend turns to you and says, Oh, that's nothing. I got one even better. This one time, and there they go. You've just been one-upped. What do you do in that situation, and how should you handle it? That's what we're going to be talking about on today's episode.
Welcome to the Jefferson Fisher Podcast, where I'm on a mission to make your next conversation the one that changes everything. If you enjoy learning tools to improve your communication, I'm going to ask you to please follow this podcast. And if you would, leave a review. If you have any topic suggestions, just throw them in the comments.
I also want to let you know that my new book, The Next Conversation, is officially out for pre-order. And there in the show notes, you will find the links. Now, in case you aren't familiar with the term, you're certainly familiar with what it feels like. One upping is where you say something and somebody else has to make what they say sound bigger, better, and more impressive.
To where if you were to tell me, hey, I just ran a 5K. I go, oh, that's awesome. You know, last year when I was running this marathon, you know, I had... Or if... you say, hey, I just got a promotion. Oh, that's wonderful. I remember when I got my promotion, they gave me this really great corner suite.
It's always having to make yourself feel like you are the superior person, the bigger, the better, everything to where it shifts focus away from the original speaker to funnel it back towards ourselves. And that's what happens. It happens to us. It happens to other people. It's a very natural thing to do. So I don't want you to feel like it's Only one person does this.
We all do it without thinking of it. It can be little, it can be big, but one upping eventually is just corrosive to relationships because it doesn't open a dialogue for us to be proud of one another. What it does is it dismisses other people. It puts them on an overcast to always overshadow what they're doing.
So we're really going to be careful about it, talk about how to stop it when it's happening to you, what to do, and more importantly, to make sure we don't do it ourselves. Number one, the first time that somebody one-ups you, you're going to let them. Let them one-up you. Because the truth is, they weren't really listening to your story to begin with.
They were only thinking of what they wanted to share to one-up you while you were talking. You're going to just let them do it. Because it's also informing you some really important information. And it's this. This person... who's one-upping you, may not be someone who you need to continue to share things with. Somebody who's not going to really be all that happy for you.
So you're going to just let them do it because you're going to hear in your mind insecurity. That's what it is. Most of the time when we want up, it's because there is an insecurity that says, I don't feel like now I'm good enough, and now I need to share something to make me sound better, that they feel that I'm also important, that I also have value. It's this kind of competition.
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