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Chapter 1: How did Jay Shetty change Jake's life?
Hi, pussies, and welcome back to Therapist. Tonight, we have on Jay Shetty, who literally sat here and changed my life. We talk a lot about meditation, and we talk a lot about controlling the mind, but then we get into stuff like dating and intimacy and whatever, and it's just a really beautiful episode, and I'm so happy that Jay came. He is the best, and if you want to see him on tour...
He is currently on the On Purpose live tour, which might be coming to a city near you. But yeah, the episode was great. I kind of just want to let you guys just go into it and experience it without giving too much away. But it's amazing. To see if I'm coming to a city near you, go to PassThatPuss.com and click live with Jake Shane.
And to submit a Tell Me What's Wrong, go to PassThatPuss.com and click Tell Me What's Wrong. Leave a name and number if you're feeling fancy. Enjoy the episode. I love you, pussies. Hi pussies, welcome back to Therapist. Today we have host of the award-winning podcast On Purpose. He is about to head out on his first ever podcast live tour and he is just the greatest of all time.
Please welcome Jay Shetty.
Oh, Jay, that's so sweet.
Thank you so much. Oh my God, and I forgot to include that you're a New York Times bestselling author.
You don't, it doesn't matter.
It matters to me. It really doesn't. It's totally fine.
It matters to me. It was perfect and heartfelt, so that's more important.
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Chapter 2: What was Jay's journey before becoming a monk?
Yeah, yeah. Well, first of all, I'm going to say if you fall asleep during meditation, It's your body telling you you need sleep. Because what meditation is doing in the way you've done it is your mind and body are constantly at odds with each other. When you wake up in the morning, your mind says, God, I've got so much to do.
And your mind starts racing and your body goes, I wish we were still in bed. Or you wake up and it's the opposite. You wake up and your body's running around and your mind says, I wish we were still in bed. So all of us are experiencing our mind and body being out of sync. When you meditate, you're actually bringing your mind and your body into sync.
So if you fall asleep, that's your body and mind saying, we need rest. And so when you meditate, whatever you feel is actually what you need at that moment in time. So the fact that you fell asleep while meditating, it's perfection. It's brilliant. Like that's not a bad thing. You didn't do it wrong. What is the goal of meditation?
There's three types of meditation that I was trained in and that I teach, and they all have a different goal. Breathwork is for the body. It's to regulate our body. If you think about it, and I'll tell you the story because I think you and your community will appreciate it. I remember my first day of monk school, and I saw a 10-year-old monk teaching younger monks And I was watching them.
And after the class, I asked him, what were you teaching them? And he said it was their first day of school. And he asked me, what did you learn on your first day of school? And I was like, maybe like ABC or 123. Like, I don't know. Like, I can't remember. And he said, well, on their first day of school, we teach them how to breathe. And I said, what do you mean?
He said, well, if you think about your life and you think about every emotion, he said, every emotion is connected to your breath. He said, when you're happy, what changes? Your breath. When you're sad, what changes? Your breath. When you're anxious, what changes? Your breath. When you're elated and ecstatic, what changes? Your breath. Your breath is connected to every emotion in life.
So if you learn how to manage your breath, you can navigate life. And so breath is all about learning how to regulate an emotion through our body. So if you think about it, when you're nervous or anxious, you're breathing fast and you're breathing shallow. That's what happens. We will breathe fast. Our palms get sweaty. And so when you start exhaling for longer than you inhale...
your heart rate slows down, it goes deeper, no more shallow breathing, and all of a sudden you go, oh, I actually have the time and space to react to this anxiety because I realize I've got rid of the physical stress and nervousness I was feeling. Now maybe I can go and talk to my manager to figure this out. Now maybe I can talk to my mom about it. Now maybe I can talk to my friend about it.
I've actually created a space between the anxiety I feel and then actually having a reaction to it. So that's what breathwork does.
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Chapter 3: What does it mean to master the mind?
live music and live shows was like the number one thing i missed during covid so now that we have it back um i would say i think take advantage of it and go if you can thank you c geek for sponsoring tonight's episode what did you learn about like self-love and self-acceptance like through living in a monastery self-love to me is not possible until you visit all the places of yourself you don't like
So this idea of self-love is a great idea, but you can only truly love yourself if you visited everything inside of yourself that you might hate or dislike. That's what it takes to have self-love.
How do you visit those places?
You visit those places by realizing that they were an experience. They weren't you. They were a moment. They weren't you. They were a conversation. They weren't you. These were all things that happened to you or actions that you took, but they don't define you as a human. So you visit them with grace. You visit them with compassion. You visit them with love and you heal from that experience.
You go there. It's almost like going to the playground you were bullied in. Right. Right.
and i've never done this so i'm thinking about it now but going to the playground you were bullied and if that was something big and i was bullied growing up i was bullied for being overweight i was bullied for the color of my skin i was bullied for my name and going back to that place and taking it in and going well this was a place i was bullied but hey what did i learn from it what did i take away from it for me that made me more compassionate that made me more loving
And it made me want to take care of myself. It made me want to be nice to other people and kind to other people. Wait a minute, this was a great experience. So now I've gone to a part of myself that I'm scared to visit, but I've actually left there feeling lighter.
And so I think if we, whether it's through therapy, whether it's through podcasts like these, whether it's through physically visiting, the idea of going back to places inside of yourself that you've been trained to dislike or hate, like maybe you were someone who was always told you were overweight or too short or too tall or whatever.
Whatever it was for you, sit with that for a second and go, well, wait, who was the person saying that? Why do I believe them? Why are they even significant to me? And what do I want to believe about myself? What is true about myself? When I visit the darkest, hardest parts of myself, I can leave there with self-love. So to me, it's less about sitting there and saying, I love myself,
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Chapter 4: How can you manage repetitive negative thoughts?
No, no, no, totally, totally, totally, totally.
Do you know what it is? We make the simple things harder because we make it about maybe there's a perfect algorithm to how to text this person at a particular cadence two days from now, and then they might like me again. And so we're like mathematically trying to make someone fall in love with us. Yeah. When the reality is, this is just it.
And so rather than playing the game and figuring it out and putting the blocks and the boxes exactly where they need to line up, you just let it be. So if you feel like texting him and saying, hey, I had a great time. Are we going to go on another date? And you want the clarity, there is nothing wrong with that.
because that's who you are that's how you show up and you choose to show up in that way it's not desperate it's not loser it's it's clarity right if you were trying to get a job and you messaged someone and you really like the job in the next two days you mess and saying hey did i get the job just wanted to check in wanted to share a bunch of stuff it wouldn't be seen as weird right it'd be seen as the right thing to do and even whether you got the job or not you know in your mind and heart you put yourself out there you got it and it wasn't the end of the world
Right.
And if you're willing to just accept it where it's at and you already feel like you have enough information from his friends that it's kind of a whatever, then move on. But he may be waiting for your message.
Oh, you think?
No.
Fuck, I really want him to text me.
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