Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Stephanie Harrison: The Old Model of Happiness Is Dead, Design a Business That Fuels Your Joy | Mental Health | E317
Mon, 18 Nov 2024
Stephanie Harrison had a dream job in New York City, a beautiful apartment, and all the signs of success. But deep down, she felt empty. To find happiness, she worked hard at perfecting herself and achieving more, but all she found was loneliness, depression, and a lack of fulfillment. After going through a breakdown, she started studying the psychology of happiness and made changes that transformed her life. Taking what she learned, she founded The New Happy, a movement that has helped thousands of people find fulfillment. In this episode, Stephanie explains how living authentically, building connections, and focusing on giving back can lead to a happier life, even under the pressures of building a business. In this episode, Hala and Stephanie will discuss: (00:00) Introduction (02:24) The Old Model of Happiness and Its Lies (04:00) The Trap of Chasing Perfection (06:43) Her Journey to Understanding Happiness (10:56) Unhappiness in America (12:20) Entrepreneurship and Mental Health (13:00) The Real Cost of Capitalism on Well-Being (15:00) What is 'The New Happy' Philosophy? (18:00) Self-Worth: Finding Value Beyond Achievement (21:59) Extrinsic vs. Intrinsic Goals: The Happiness Divide (29:59) Practical Steps to Living Authentically (30:00) A Daily Practice for Happiness (34:00) Loneliness: A Lack of Giving, Not Just Receiving (36:22) The Power of Gratitude (49:19) Understanding Self-Worth (55:05) The Key to Long-Term Happiness Stephanie Harrison is the founder of The New Happy. With a Master's in Positive Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania, she also developed well-being programs as Director of Learning at Thrive Global. She’s the host of The New Happy Podcast and author of New Happy, where she debunks myths about success and shares a fresh, science-backed approach to joy. Stephanie's work has reached millions through social media, her book, and major platforms like Forbes and CNBC. She regularly speaks to leaders at Fortune 500 companies about creating supportive environments. Connect with Stephanie: Stephanie’s Website: https://www.stephanielharrison.com/ Resources Mentioned: The New Happy: https://www.thenewhappy.com/ Stephanie’s Book, New Happy: Getting Happiness Right in a World That's Got It Wrong: https://www.amazon.com/New-Happy-Getting-Happiness-Right/dp/0593541383 LinkedIn Secrets Masterclass, Have Job Security For Life: Use code ‘podcast’ for 30% off at yapmedia.io/course. Active Deals - youngandprofiting.com/deals Key YAP Links Reviews - ratethispodcast.com/yap Youtube - youtube.com/c/YoungandProfiting LinkedIn - linkedin.com/in/htaha/ Instagram - instagram.com/yapwithhala/ Social + Podcast Services: yapmedia.com Transcripts - youngandprofiting.com/episodes-new Entrepreneurship, entrepreneurship podcast, Business, Business podcast, Self Improvement, Self-Improvement, Personal development, Starting a business, Strategy, Investing, Sales, Selling, Psychology, Productivity, Entrepreneurs, AI, Artificial Intelligence, Technology, Marketing, Negotiation, Money, Finance, Side hustle, Startup, mental health, Career, Leadership, Mindset, Health, Growth mindset. Mental Health, Health, Psychology, Wellness, Biohacking, Motivation, Mindset, Manifestation, Productivity, Brain Health, Life Balance, Self Healing, Positivity, Happiness, Sleep, Diet
Chapter 1: What is the old model of happiness?
You're more than just your business. You're more than just your performance or your achievements. What is the most important factor that you would say for long-term happiness? After 10 years of research, I've basically been able to boil it down that true happiness comes from... And the more that we can do that, the happier we can all become.
Yeah, fam, have you ever wondered if your quest for success, money, and achievement as an entrepreneur, the pursuit of happiness in building your business, was actually the root of everything that was making you unhappy?
Chapter 2: Why do we chase perfection?
Well, my guest today, Stephanie Harrison, seems to think so, and she's challenging the way that many of us, especially entrepreneurs, have been conditioned to think about our happiness. Stephanie is a writer, designer, and an expert in the science of happiness.
She holds a master's degree in positive psychology and has devoted her life to the study of well-being through her company, New Happy, which includes a newsletter, a podcast, and her brand new book, New Happy, Getting Happiness Right in a World That's Got It Wrong. In this episode, we're gonna break down the old model of happy versus the new model of happy.
Chapter 3: What is the journey to understanding happiness?
Stephanie's gonna uncover some of the lies that society has told us about happiness and how we as entrepreneurs can live the most happy life possible by changing our goals from being extrinsic to intrinsic. Without further delay, here's my conversation with Stephanie Harrison. Stephanie, welcome to Young and Profiting Podcast. Thank you so much for having me. I'm thrilled to be here with you.
Likewise. And so we've talked a lot about happiness on the podcast. And when I talk to people about happiness, I feel like they know what happiness is really all about. If I say, what is your secret to profiting in life? I ask that at the end of every show. And really, that's me asking, what do you think the secret of happiness is? And everyone always says relationships, connection, service.
And so we all kind of know the answer to happiness, but our actions are still trying to make more money, work harder, get achievements. So I want to start off with this paradox. Why do we not do the things that we know are going to make us happy?
This is the heart of all of the work I do. So you just nailed it with this description. Honestly, it's because we live in a culture and a society that tells us to do certain things to become happy. And as you said so beautifully, even though it doesn't align with our own experience and our inner knowing, we end up being very much influenced by that.
Chapter 4: Why is unhappiness prevalent in America?
And it ends up driving our actions to deprioritize the things that do make us happy and unfortunately pursue things that don't end up contributing to lasting well-being in the long term.
So talk to us about the old model of happiness. What is the old model of happiness?
Chapter 5: How does entrepreneurship affect mental health?
It's really what you described, this cultural understanding of happiness that teaches us that if you want to be happy, you need to perfect yourself. You need to achieve more and more and consume as much as you can. And you need to dominate other people and essentially cut yourself off from them and be completely independent. And these messages about happiness are
you know, they like seep into our lives in so many different ways, whether it's through our workplaces or through the institutions that we see or what we see in the media. And so it becomes very hard to untangle them if we don't have that awareness about what old happy is.
Chapter 6: What is 'The New Happy' philosophy?
In your book, it's called The New Happy, you have a lot of lies that you say society tells us. So what are some of the lies that you break down about the old happy in your book?
The first old happy lie is that you have to be perfect because you're not good enough. And so this pressure that we all feel, that voice in your head that tells you, I'm not worthy, there's something wrong with me, I'm broken, that we all have, it really comes from this old happy culture.
And in order to address it, we think that we have to perfect ourselves and essentially be almost like a robotic version of ourselves. You know, somebody who's always doing everything perfectly and never makes a mistake and never struggles. The second lie is really deeply connected to that, which is that you have to achieve more and more in order to prove how worthy you are.
And so that becomes a coping mechanism for so many people, particularly in our culture, where these things are rewarded and celebrated. And we end up doing things like burning ourselves out, working ourselves into sickness or ill-being, neglecting our relationships and doing all of these things in order to say, oh, I'll be happy when I get there.
And the third lie is that we're separate from other people, that the actions of another person don't influence us, that our culture and systems don't have an impact upon us, and that we can basically do everything alone. And I think all of us, as an entrepreneur myself, as entrepreneurs,
Somebody who has worked in a number of different environments, who has relationships with people who matter to me. I can pretty clearly acknowledge that I'm not able to do any of that by myself, even if I do some of those things independently. I'm still drawing upon support and resources and lessons and wisdom from other people at all those times. And so that's the third lie.
I can't wait to unpack all of that. But first, I want to hear about your personal story, because like you were just saying, these old models of happiness, these lies that we've been told, they're actually the root of our unhappiness, right? So working harder and harder, always trying to wait to be happy, always waiting for the next thing that's going to bring us our happiness.
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Chapter 7: How do extrinsic and intrinsic goals differ?
All these things are the root of our unhappiness. And you are unhappy because in your early 20s. You found yourself living in New York, having a great job, having a great apartment, but then you were still so unhappy. So talk to us about what was going on for you at that period of time.
Yeah, I fell hook, line, and sinker for old happy. So I often say that the reason why I can write and talk about it is because I know it so well. It affected me so much. And I believe that, oh, if I can just create this perfect dream life for myself, then I will finally be happy. But in order to do that, I had to disconnect myself from others. I had to try and be perfect all the time.
And it was just exhausting. And I ended up being very lonely, very depressed, struggling with my physical health, struggling with my emotional well-being, with basically everything that you could think of because I was living in this way that was so deeply out of alignment with the true sources of well-being.
And eventually one day I found myself having a breakdown, lying on my bedroom floor, crying and realizing that maybe it wasn't that I wasn't trying hard enough or I wasn't doing enough. It was that I was doing things in the wrong way. And that's ultimately what led me to want to go and study the psychology of happiness and try to figure out a better pathway.
So tell us about that journey. What did you do in that moment where you're like, all right, I'm in a corporate, I'm not happy. What did you go seek out? What learnings did you seek out? What did you go do?
It was a long journey. I often think that sometimes from the outside, these experiences that people have to follow their purpose or their calling, they look... Very simple from the outside, but my experience is that it was very two steps forward, one step back. So I was living in New York. I was on a work visa, so I wasn't able to leave my job.
And I essentially thought, what are my options here to try and make one small step to move a little bit closer to a better life? And so I realized that I could move, and I ultimately ended up having my company move me out to California. where I thought I would be able to have a little bit of a different lifestyle and cultivate some of these new things that were coming into my life.
And then eventually I was recruited to go work at another company in the tech space where there was a great work-life balance and culture. It was a very supportive place to work. And while I was there, I also was able to go and pursue my graduate studies in positive psychology at the same time.
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Chapter 8: What practical steps can we take to live authentically?
So working full time while studying, and then while I was in grad school, that's when I wrote the beginnings of this philosophy as my graduate thesis, arguing many of these same things. After I graduated, I had no idea what to do with it or how to use it or put it into practice or start a business.
And I ended up going to work for Arianna Huffington at Thrive Global, where I was responsible for building out and running the learning programs of her company. So I was able to take a lot of these learnings and apply them in an organization. But eventually I decided I wanted to run my own thing. And so I left in 2020 to do that.
And so I know that as an adult, you had sort of a second turning point when your partner was bedbound and got very sick. And then you turned to a caregiver suddenly. And you're so young. So usually this is something that happens to us a little bit older in life.
A lot of our listeners, we might be caring for a parent, but certainly usually it's a little unusual to care for your partner at this age. So talk to us about some of the feelings that you got and how that helped shape your perspective of happiness or at least use the tools that you had learned.
After I graduated from school, I had all these new tools and insights about happiness. And when Alex, my partner, got sick, I realized that I had this opportunity to try and put them into practice, even in this very difficult time.
And so I was 28 when he fell ill, and we spent many, many years trying to navigate his illness and the medical system and all of the challenges that having a rare disease has. And so much of... What I talk about in my work is this idea about true happiness coming from being who you are and using it to help other people.
And through showing up for Alex and being able to practice how I could be there for him, I was actually, in fact, able to tap into a level of well-being that I never imagined. And that's certainly not generally associated with being a caregiver and all the stresses that are associated with that.
And I realized that the more that I gave, whether it was to him or to the work I was doing with my company by that time, that the more joy I was able to experience, even though I was objectively also really suffering at the same time. And that kind of duality of that experience of going through something that was tremendously difficult and prolonged while also realizing the
fulfillment of love and purpose and community, it really gave me an appreciation on a whole other level for these concepts and hopefully gives people some level of trust in that I'm not trying to tell you to do something that I wouldn't do myself. It's something that I have witnessed profoundly changed my life in ways I never would have imagined.
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