Alex in Podcasts

Alex found this cliche to be hilarious. "'Of course you say that while you're inside of me,' she said with a laugh. She added sweetly, "'I'm not ready to say it back.' but if you want to keep saying it to me, that would be okay. That absolutely melted me. I thought of a Paul Simon song about how some people never say the words I love you, yet like a child, they're longing to be told.

During a Skype call one evening, Alex's blue eyes seemed especially sad. Therapy had been grueling that day, she said, because more memories from her assault had returned. Awful things, she said. Her distant tone scared me. Are you okay? I asked. No, she said, her voice regaining some steel, but I will be. She was so wounded and yet so strong. That's when I knew I was in love.

I want to stop seeing that night. Rape survivor Alice Sebold writes in her memoir, Lucky, I've always thought that under rape, in the dictionary, it should tell the truth. It is not just forcible intercourse. Rape means to inhabit and destroy everything. Alex had opened a window for me into that destruction. I began to educate myself about violence against women.

He roofied her, rendering her semi-unconscious, then took her to a hotel and raped her. I was shocked. I am so sorry, I said. I'm here for you whenever you need me. In the months that followed, Alex and I spoke on the phone countless times. I did my best to comfort her through her panic attacks and her thoughts about suicide. I want to go to sleep and never wake up, she once said through tears.