Abbie Chatfield

I want to talk about a quote from the book that I think is really raw and honest and it's about your suicidal ideation but the casualty of it, which I find I really, really relate to because I think that people don't experience –

the desire of wanting to die, they either think it's some like, wow, wow, I'm in the bathroom and you're like losing your shit or it's some passing little thought.

But I just want to read out this quote.

By the end of lunch on Tuesday, I want to die.

There is no spectacular drama to this.

There is no specific rationale.

I simply start planning how I might end my life.

I write a list in my journal of how I will divide the few assets to my name.

I debate quitting my job.

My thought process is something like this.

And then you message your boss and say that you are unwell.

I'd love to hear your experience with that.

I think it's such an honest, the pragmatism of it, of going, all right, well, cool.

Decided to die.

Sorry, decided not to live anymore.

Let's just figure out what to do before I pop off.

And then you start planning it and you go, oh, but if I can't quit my job, for example, because if I don't go through with this, like it's a really, I just love that.

And say, oh, I was genuinely planning it as though it was planning, you know, a trip to the beach.

You're going, all right, should I have that off work today?

I'm feeling unwell.