Action Bronson

You have to do the front flex not only the calf and You can't just do front. You got to do back also.

You flex your toe upwards. Do you feel that muscle? I do. Now put it back down. No, no, you don't have to go all the way up. No, no, no, put your leg down, your leg down. Yeah, right there, right there. Flex your foot. Now really flex it up tight.

Feel that muscle?

I just f***ing go hard for an hour and a half. And, you know, I do things that I like doing. And then I do things that I hate doing.

I don't really like bench pressing. It's not really like I don't f***ing love that s***. I love to squat. I love to f***ing do like Zurcher squats with the weight in front of you. I like picking up stones and sandbags and s*** like that. I don't like running. I don't like doing running for long distance.

I do, but then I also like skinny boy. I want to be in shape as well. I like the MMA type of cardio training. I like fighting training. I like that type of shit. I like to be pushed to the physical limits.

So the one that you have... Doesn't mean a f***ing thing.

I was a stupid kid. This is going back to being an idiot. Why did I do that? He had other seasons where he was juiced up, but that was his most juiced up season. I can't wait to get on f***ing G.H., honestly. Barry Bonds is... As soon as I turn 40, I'm taking G.H.,

It wasn't his most impressive average season. You know that.

Barry Bonds hit 370 the year after that. Exactly. That was more impressive. Less home runs.

Less home runs by a 3-7.

And by the way... That's how I stepped to the plate. You put that thing on your f***ing arm. Elbow guard. When you have that on and you have a dangling earring, who are you to be f***ed with?

His head was like his jaw.

Yeah. Have you taken steroids before? Yeah. 24 years old, I was juiced up. I don't know. I was taking Project Juice. My boy was like, you know, my boy from the neighborhood was getting some juice. And we was shooting it up. Shooting up juice.

Arm, leg, ass cheek, rear delt. Seriously. Bad shit. But who knew where this juice was coming from? Could have been canola oil. Could have been whatever. Mazola. I could have been f***ing giving myself goddamn project surgery, you know, like BBLs.

An ice skate. We might go f***ing lift weights, bro. Meathead s***. Eat turkey. Raw turkey. Rolled in meat. Rolled in raw chicken meat. And then rolled in Provo. Isopure, EAS, Bill Romanowski.

You understand? That's the type. I was taking creatine at 13 years old.

Straight up turducken. I mean, turducken is ridiculous, but I like it.

Well, when it's done right, it's delicious. The idea of just like all that, I think it's craziness. That's more for like, seems like you started for a party.

Someone wanted to have a party. So like, let's do something festive.

The hell were you doing in Floral Park?

Oh, yeah.

It's a mixture of every single life on earth in one place. So it's kind of like, it's a holy land.

It is, it is. It's a holy land. I couldn't see anywhere else being this diverse. There's s*** that's stacked up other places, but it's not with all these different cultures. It's truly unbelievable.

It's truly an unbelievable place.

It's somewhere you never, ever, ever have to leave. And you've already been everywhere.

When I think of Queens, I think of coming to America.

That's the first thing I think of. And I think that that's a tremendous depiction of Queens. That one, you're right. That shows Queens in one of the most incredible lights ever. You gotta go to Queens, that's where you're gonna f***ing meet one of the most incredible... Royalty. Literally royalty. He got his face on the money, man. You know? He's rich. He is rich! What? He's got his own money.

And baby, when I tell you he's got his own money, I mean the boy has got his own money!

That type of s***. Were you on AOL? Hell yeah.

How did I get settled? It didn't take much. I just thought of some shit, and that became that. My jersey number was 56 in high school, like a meathead, and that was it.

At AOL.com.

CD.

Damn. Those are two off-brand ones.

I had this kid in my neighborhood who was a computer whiz. F***ing built the computer. And he got me all set up on the compact for Sario.

And then I got the Dell. I didn't have the good s***. When we had a word processor, I thought we had a computer. I would try to enter launch codes, but it never worked.

Bayside High School, center and nose guard. Prestige.

Deceptively quick. Hard-hitting. Long-lasting performance. IQ on f***ing unbelievable f***ing. My awareness is 100 on Madden. So I'm like the field general. I'm the quarterback of the line. I know more than the quarterback does. I question his throws. I question his decision making. Why'd you do that?

I'm not that type of guy. In my mind, I was like, what the f*** was that? I could throw him under the bus. On to the next play.

My true athletic hero, I don't really know. Who did I look to as like, wow, Mike Tyson.

Yeah. He captivated me, as probably many others.

Yeah. He f***ing kissed me on the hands.

It's like we kissed each other on hands with respect. It just happened. It just happened.

It was crazy.

That's pretty f***ing heavy duty, but yeah. Yeah. I'd say so. You like Diana Ross?

You would want her to kiss you on the vocal cord?

Let's see. I don't know, f***ing... Diana Ross, though, I guess.

Nah. Not really into her.

Now, that's a vocal chord.

That's a vocal chord kisser right there.

Yeah, Magnus Ver Magnusson is one of the, like, one of the top strong men of the world. I think he won three. He's just one of them in this world. Mariusz Pudzianowski.

Yuka Hola won it twice.

Excuse me. Right now I'm in bulk season. I'm back in bulk season. Not too much bulk. Just enough that when I come down, I'm shredded. And it's really showing.

This is it. I'm 275 right now. That's it. Can't allow myself to get over that. Bringing myself down to 230, I'm going to look like Jean-Claude Van Damme.

Volvos. Volvos.

Remember that commercial?

This doesn't look like I'm f***ing jacked up in this f***ing picture. See? Like, it's both. I'm a little bit better now. Leaning forward, I don't look jacked. That's the issue.

I'm wearing a Dikembe Mutombo jersey under this, bro.

I f***ing sure am.

Who else? I mean, yeah, the Hawks. Hawks.

And the Mutombo Hawks jersey.

The importance of a good toilet, I was speaking to my colleague yesterday. Mm-hmm. You don't really know life until you sit on a warm toilet seat. Bro. You literally shit immediately. And it's like, it's not just a regular shit. Everything comes out. You know what I mean?

But you know the toilet, you sit down and start spraying something real quick. When you get up, I get up. So it doesn't hit me.

What are you doing? This is the mist prior. Oh. This is the pre-mist. Okay. Because I guess they f***ing moisten the area. But this is the pre-mist. I don't let that touch me.

No.

No, no, no. What are you doing? I'm old school. I come from a grandma with no paper, just a hand. Just a hand.

That's old school.

I mean, that's weird when it deflates as soon as you sit on it.

It's weird.

Pull over, I'll shit out the window. If I need to go, it's happening.

A warm seat is definitely a game changer. Cold, cold floor, warm seat. Yes. Dual. So you get the dual heat. Yep. Cool feet. Shins extended. Oh my, I mean, I don't know who wears clothes to shit, but I don't.

No matter where, if I'm in Kmart, Caldor. Wherever.

I used to take Kaldor to the cleaners.

Steal anything that's, you know, all the paint. Take all the home products, the rollers.

When that red devil came out, the dirt devil, I've had a dust buster in my house. I can't even remember when I didn't. Right now, we don't even have a regular vacuum. We have a fucking handheld dust buster. There's no need. Either the shark or the dust buster.

It actually makes me crazy when they put the thing on and I f***ing trip over it. It creeps up on you. It does. You'll be cooking up in some bulls***.

Oh, thank you.

I mean, listen, all that shit, we saw Terminator 2. This is what they were talking about. You understand? The machines. Skynet, this is what they were speaking of. Arnold told you already this was happening, and this is why when they bring the food with the robot, it freaks me the fuck out.

You know?

I don't want to see that shit. Drop underwear from... Where's it from?

Yeah, drop Amazon underwear. You drop the underwear with the plane.

Discus was one of the best sweatshirts brand that ever lived. One of the best athletic brands that I don't know what happened to Discus, but man, Queens, if you had a f***ing Discus hoodie or a Discus, whatever this one is called, you were the one. I want to ask you about- 12 pack of Sunwear shirts in the trunk. Talha. Do you know about these? You know about Talha shirts?

It's from the YT days. Made in Bangladesh.

Because it's f***ing Talha. Tall T. Number six XTs. Of course. Weren't you doing f***ing who I think they like me dances? Laffy Taffy.

Throwbacks. I mean, I don't think I've ever taken a throwback off since they came out. There's no need.

Nice.

Did it come from Japan?

Rare snacks, man?

Okay.

I don't really give a shit, to be honest with you. Like, I'm just doing it for myself. I'm not even thinking about like, Anything else but new things. I'm just in that, like, I've just come back from a new path. I'm riding a new path. I feel great. It's hard to describe anything. I don't, it's like... If I wanted to describe it, I would have talked to you about it. You know what I'm saying?

Oh, it sounds like something I would say.

It's true. I mean, to think about it like this. Real life is much crazier than anything that you script. You know? All the bulls*** that you can conjure up in your mind really isn't that cool. If you just assess the situation around you real quick. Okay, this is what's happening.

I get it.

Sure. I feel like... Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead. Let's hear it. Let's hear it.

Nah, nah, nah. You have to say it. All right. Let me say it. Okay. Let me say it. Let me say it.

Okay, so put me and Timothee Chalamet in the Oklahoma drill, and I'm putting him in a hospital. I mean, boom. That's hard.

It's all about that type of word. Timothee Chalamet? Chamele? Chalamet.

It's a good word. It is. It's a nice name. It flows nicely off the tongue. 12 a.m. on the Amalfi Coast watching the Raptors playing preseason in Edmonton. Hard.

Because there's different depths of description.

Why are they playing in Edmonton and it's preseason? There's different depths. There's things that add character to it. Absolutely. For sure. Representative George Santos was charged with theft for stealing puppies from an Amish dairy farmer. That's a dud. Yeah.

Just spilled an entire box of shallots in the backseat of the Uber. That could be a hook.

It could be a f***ing hook. Young Drazen Petrovic with a great pair of Adidas top 10s.

You could just take young Drazen Petrovic with and then put whatever after.

This is rap class.

Girl, you got the ass of a young Vladi Divac. Hell yeah. I f***ed with that hard.

I would probably mention something about that or get the ass of a young Vladi Divac. It's heavy. I once mentioned my bitch was thick like John Lovitz.

It's one of my favorite actors. He's thick.

Ashing a sesame bagel like a cigarette in front of a Roomba. That's just an incredible... It is. That's a visual right there. That's just poetry.

That type of thing that's attached to me, I'm happy about. Lizzo probably be hitting people in the knee with her flute like Tanya Harding. I actually... I just did a show where I was the chief support for Incubus in LA, which I don't know, it was a 18,000 people sold out show.

All right, exactly. And Paris Jackson, Michael Jackson, one step away was in the dressing room next to me. And as we walk out to go do the thing, there's this woman in a tuxedo with a tail And, you know, she had, like, very shiny shoes on, and she was holding something, and Lizzo was the special guest. So she was in front of Lizzo's dressing room holding the flute for her.

White glove flute butler. White glove flute butler. Ha ha ha! That's a f***ing hard line also, at the bar watching Japanese youth baseball.

I would word it differently, but yes, it's hard. I'm at the club showing women the Montez Sabonis DHO highlights. I know his father.

Arvidas. I'd be showing his father. That would also be weird.

Arvidas. Oh, yeah.

Not me getting off at Beetlejuice the musical. I like the premise of this.

To who?

And Beetlejuice the musical?

Doesn't count.

What are we in sixth grade? Handjob through the pants. She should be ashamed of herself.

Doing lines off a Nintendo Switch in the back of a Hyundai Sonata. Yeah, I mean, I feel like they're tapping into things like that, I would want to say. We got big men doing cartwheels on our offense. Yeah. Hard. I saw a fox eating sour cream and cheddar. Nah. I like the idea of this, though. Using animals in alliteration.

It's like when you paint... I didn't want to f***ing talk to you. I painted you something, and that's that. Right now, we're in the process of making new music, new breakthroughs. So then I'll be excited. Having a brand new band and doing things like that, like the Tiny Desk and s*** like that, you know, like... That's the s***, though, that I've been listening to all week.

Is that the right term where they're speaking as human?

What is alliteration?

That was totally off.

What is e-literation?

I bet you it is. Someone Google that. All right, that's it. I'm getting the f*** out of here. I got to go eat, bro.

No, you're not, but you're going to hug me. You're going to hug me hard.

Hard enough. Multiple C's. All right, that's it. I'm getting the f*** out of here. I gotta go eat, bro.

I'm sorry for cursing. It's like one of those platforms when you're respected in music, they bring you on there, and I don't know, people seem to really enjoy it. Ten-time champ, it's about to be 11 Just understand that I would die for this leather belt, man

Mm, yes. My third eye, been poppin' for 8,000 years I don't got no cheers, I don't got no fears I don't get caught up in the bright lights, dear It brings out all the emotions of carnal desires. Yes. Riding horses on beaches naked. Just things of that nature like fire. Just watching fire burn. Watching the ocean roar. Free flow and acid jazz. I'm a jazz instrument.

What's going on, B?

just like a goddamn saxophone or the Rhodes, I am, you know? Make me cry. So it's definitely reinvigorated me in that manner, but I have to put myself in a hole to dig myself out right now. That's the zone.

Nah, not really. It's all... It's all, these are all like, I'm dramatic. I'm being dramatic. It's all dramatizations.

But no, it's not. Because it's not, I'm not trying, I'm not describing it exact. It's a rendition of my exact brain. This is like, it's like the picture behind you. Yes. That's what's happening.

Yeah, listen, I love the round the horn. That's how you book this.

Oh, yeah. I need an espresso, but can we lower this? Because I don't fuck with this height of a chair. It's like a three-quarter chair. I don't like that.

I don't, probably 15 to 20 years. The last time I put pants on, I had an accident. And I never wore them again.

Just wasn't good. It just wasn't good. It can't be discussed. It can't be discussed. But what I will say that they were never to be touched on my skin again.

And they're stretchy so I could squat, so I could work out. I'm not f***ing around with stiff shorts. You understand? I'm over here flexible.

I was a husky child. Everyone needs stretchy shorts. I don't think that anyone should wear a constricting situation. Anything constricting is like, I get, like sometimes you get that heat flash that comes over you and you just want to rip everything off. Rip the shirt off. I get that a lot. So for me to be able to use the actual agility that I was given,

by nature and science, with, you know, my body construction, it's only right that I put on a material that reflects and echoes all of the property. You know?

Yeah, I mean, I don't know, like, it's wild, man. Every kid's crazy, I feel, in some aspect. You're not even fully conscious, you know? You're just kind of, like, drunk. You're kind of, like, on ass. You don't know what the fuck is really going on. You're so, like, little Bambi-ish, you know? So you're just running amok, doing whatever, thinking that there's no consequence on Earth.

And then, I don't know, one day it just all hits you. You're old and gray. Your balls sag, you know? Your ass leaks. I'm not talking about me, but in general, these things happen. I feel like as I get older, I get more sophisticated looking like Sean Connery.

Doing lines off a Nintendo Switch in the back of a Hyundai Sonata. Yeah, I mean, I feel like they're tapping into things like that, I would want to say.

It's really good. The taste of vanilla.

It's happening. It's happening.

Headbutt. I'm a headbutter.

It's like this... You ever watch the movie Gladiator? Of course. But with Brian Dennehy? That one.

You chose the vanilla one?

Cuba Gooding Jr., it was an early underground fighting movie, boxing, and he used to say this was the hardest part of the head.

I usually wouldn't go for it, but man, wow.

You never f***ing seen Gladiator with Brian Dennehy? Are you kidding me right now? I have this on VHS. Cuba Gooding Jr.? Do you know that actor?

You might have heard of him?

It was starring Brian Dennehy.

Cuba Gooding Jr. had the supporting role. But I had a grandfather, a very good man, who loved his VHSs, and that's what he collected, and I have about 3,000 in my house.

Yeah, that he left me. All kinds of crazy s***. I've seen it all. I've seen them all.

There's grain. Everything is better about tape. There's some graininess. You have to be a connoisseur to understand it. It's like the in-between space.

It's that, but it also adds. It gives comfort and warmth in some aspects. Film is just captured differently than digital. You know, it's like, whatever. Anyone can pick the camera up and make the thing, you know?

Yes, I'm accredited as a film actor in the Guild Awards.

It's pretty f***ing bizarre.

Most of the time, people are as stoked as you are to meet them as they are to meet you.

I don't know if that's the case, but he definitely showed enthusiasm and showed a lot of love and it was nothing but happiness and laughter. And, you know, we had a good time. We only did about three takes and that was it.

Just some f***ing weird, like, casket salesman in about the third hour, ten minute mark. It was a pivotal point. They're like the Cadillacs of caskets. Now, if we're putting you in the f***ing oven, it really doesn't matter what you go in. The cheapest possible. Particle board. That's it. What are we doing today? Are we doing a cremation?

I feel like you de-potted it and then just laid all the bean in there for me.

With that beard. It was bizarre. He asked me to take the beard off. But I, you know, at that point I was like, man, this is like, I have like six chins under here. So I'm probably not.

You already know there was a Rewinder. There has to be. Of course. You can't put your machine through that type of wear and tear. You need a separate Rewinder. And it was a Corvette. Oh, s***. You know how the Corvette Rewinder.

I mean, there's so many. I couldn't tell you those. Those are for me. I can't tell you.

No, the pants. What pants? There's no secret of the pants. I don't wear them. I just don't think that they're nice. Fashion-wise, I don't like to cover my leg. I work hard to get a calf that has some sort of diamond shape.

Why would I want to take away from that calf? I'm ashamed. Being shown. I like a sock. I like to show the shoe. I like a full, like my shit is like my quadricep is literally out. Fully flexed.

It's a quad season. I'm just trying to recover from a sacroiliac injury. It's under your, like, ass area, like your nut groin. From the back.

It's like these muscles that keep the hamstring nice.

It's near it.

It's parallel to the grundle. It's running parallel.

No, it runs congruence.