Adrian Childs

My husband still thinks I'm going to want it in a raffle.

In a similar vein, 40 plus years ago, the post office counter assistant overpaid my family allowance by £10.

I went back in and said it wasn't right.

She pointed to a sign saying, mistakes cannot be rectified when you've left the counter.

So I walked away and kept it.

I mean, there must be a figure for the biggest lottery win that somebody's managed to keep completely secret from everyone.

Well, it'd be millions, I would have thought.

Yeah, but I mean, how do you keep millions secret?

You just move.

Well, yeah, but that would reveal you had some money for the move, wouldn't it?

My 94-year-old dad told me recently how his mum, my grandmother, purchased a brand-new set of sheets.

Every time she was short of cash to fund her bingo trip, she'd then get the sheets out, still in their packing, and tell her husband she'd had to buy new sheets for their home.

He'd then give her the money for the sheets, which then went back in the cupboard for next time.

Grandad never tumbled to her secrets.

Tumbled dry to her secrets, yes.

What a sheet trick.

Yes, very good.

You've got to look, how do you do these terrible puns and still win a BAFTA?

I think that's what I got them for.

No, it's just your BAFTA bracket, not for the puns.