Al Murray

And then that Stalin, he has an interest in not letting Germany become too strong.

There are no indications of any Russian aggressiveness against us.

Our attention must be turned to tackling the Russian problem and prepare planning.

I believe that our successes will be greater if we stand back to back and together against the outside world than if we face each other down breast to breast.

Depending on how bad the potholes are in Maker Field.

In recent days, certain reprehensible individuals have sought to create panic, chaos and disorder in this country, to foster division for their own ends.

Neighbour has turned upon neighbour.

Appeals for calm have been ignored.

But my message to those responsible is clear.

Up yours, John Healy.

I never liked you.

And I've already turned your resignation letter into a paper aeroplane, thus doubling the UK's air defences.

Hello and welcome to Match of the Day.

The World Cup has finally begun.

And that whistle means you can now officially hang up an England flag without looking racist.

Now, I'm joined by England captain Harry Kane.

Sorry, what?

Sorry, Harry, this is Match of the Day.

Can we talk about football?

For example, the controversy surrounding FIFA.