Alaina Urquhart

So this one says that you'd better get all your flax spun by Twelfth Night, which is January 6th.

What's that even mean?

It says, quote, for when the Christmas season was over, it would be time to set up the big upright loom, at which time you must have enough thread to warp it and start your weaving.

So if you didn't do this shit, apparently if you didn't start your weaving, then the lazy ladies in Germany, Austria, and Switzerland...

would either have their looms trampled or they would be set fire to by Frau Perchta.

And if you really pissed her off, like if you didn't weave your shit and your house is a mess.

Oh, and that was the other thing.

If your house was a total mess and you were supposed to leave a traditional bowl of porridge out for her.

on this night bitch gotta have her porridge like I think you could not do one of those things and she's probably just gonna like set fire to your loom which honestly is the best case scenario and if you didn't do any of this

Well, then she was going to probably set fire to your loom.

And then she's going to come into your bedroom.

And that's when she's going to disembowel you.

But she's going to fill your insides with rocks and straw.

I mean, I'd say hot garbage because it might have a soothing feeling, the heat.

It's not.

I am hot garbage for saying that about Taco Bell.

Well, that'd be awesome if we got sponsored by Taco Bell.

Man.

Burn that bridge.

Well, the moral of this one is no matter what, she's definitely going to gut someone and fill their thoracic cavity with hot garbage and rocks one way or another.