Aleeza Ben Shalom
Appearances
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
So you've been doing matchmaking for how long now? I started in 2007, volunteering and kind of being a matchmaker online. And then it progressed over the years and turned into this... crazy large thing. Yeah.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
And matchmaking, I think, for all matchmakers is a calling. It's something that people just it like wells up within them. And they're like, I just want to help them and I want to stick them together. And, oh, I have an idea. And I think it used to be something that was like just normal and commonplace. I don't know, Grandma Gail, maybe you can tell me like back in the day.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
I think you're right, though. Back in the day, people were, it was families that were making the match.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
And then sometimes there was a community matchmaker that would come in to work with the family, but they weren't working with the singles. I think the difference today is that it's a very modern era. So everybody's independent, right? You go off to college, you do your own thing. You come back, you have your job, you have your own apartment.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
Like your family is not, I mean, you guys are unique that your family's really involved in your life, but in general, your family's not involved in your life as much as it used to be. Correct. So it now did go down to the individual level. And I'd like to reverse engineer matchmaking. I actually want to go back to either families or more communal involvement in matchmaking.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
If we do, we're still singing Matchmaker, Matchmaker. The younger generation doesn't know about it so much, though. I've done multi-generational crowds and had audiences. And you have to be over a certain age. But the 20s, I mean, you're rare because, again, you have such a close relationship.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
I'm pro-dating apps. I just think that we have to turn you into your own matchmaker. So it's a tool like anything else. And it's a database, which is incredible. But you have very novice people using it. So it's just like, oh, let's just swipe. This is fun. And then they get burnt out. And then they stop dating. And then they go into a three-year dating deficit. And then they can't continue on.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
But if you use it like a matchmaker would use it. So my goal, I'll give you a tip. You're in the dating scene, right? Yeah.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
Yeah, but once you start to get a feel for it, you know, everybody becomes a little bit of a mini pro. True. So one of my tips is on the dating apps to do kind of an advanced search, not on the app itself. Usually if it's on a website, you can like dig in more and narrow down what you find to under 10 or under 25.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
You know, normally you can do a search and you're like, wow, there's 5,082 people in my city. And I'm like, no, but how many of them are relevant for you? So I tell them to put in the most specific groups. Detailed criteria until you can get under 25 people. And you're like, wow, those are the 25 most relevant human beings, according to this database.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
If you don't like them, then expand it to get 50. Then expand it to get 100. Reverse engineer it. Don't go from the most to the least. Go from the least to the most.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
I'm like, right. Okay. Interesting. Now, would you have swiped differently had you known I only have these 25 and you go through 10 and you're like, oh gosh, I only have 15 left. And you go through another five. You're like, oh gosh, I only have 10. I better say yes to one of them. Would you have dated differently? Probably. Okay. So this is advice to all the dating app owners. Fix the system. Yes.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
They're making thousands of matches. The database itself is incredible. And they turned everybody into their own matchmaker, which is really phenomenal. And it's what we need. I believe that everybody should be a matchmaker for yourself and for everybody else in your life. Because if you ask somebody, you know, do you know anybody single? There's nobody that's going to tell you no.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
Older, younger, whether they're single, never married, divorced, widowed, people know somebody single. And the best person to set you up is that person who's in your network already.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
So all of their quirks and the ick and the idiosyncrasies and the things that you don't love, you're like, but I'd rather have that than this other bag of stuff from somebody else that I really can't handle. Exactly.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
Four or five.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
Yeah, no, because we didn't really do mass dating. You dated within a group. Well, there also, look, there wasn't social media that existed. So you didn't have the whole world at your feet. You just had your world at your feet, which was who was in your high school, who was in your university, and who was in your social circle. That was it. Outside of that, nothing existed.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
We didn't know anybody else. Right, right, that was it.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
Yeah, that's my philosophy, which basically means if it's not a hard no, like a hell no, then it's just a yes for another date. You don't have to marry them. I don't even need you to like them. But you should go out with them again to see if something can be there, if something can grow. First dates are sometimes a disaster.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
And sometimes there's chemistry and people are like, yeah, I want that first date where it like happens. And I was like, yeah, but for me, that's a red flag because those really awesome first dates usually are like fireworks, like amazing. And then it's like crash and burn. I know we have like 10 days until it's just like, oh yeah, it didn't work out. And you're like, okay, what's the story?
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
But I want to feel like that, except I just want it to work out. I was like, but that's just not a normal dating. It doesn't usually happen that way. Anything extreme on either end, like extreme disinterest or extreme interest, is usually a red flag for me. It's somewhere in the middle, like, well, you're somebody I could be friends with.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
Well, I like you, but I mean, do I like you like you, right? And then it grows over time. I love when best friends get together because I know that they know how to build a relationship because they've been friends. I think that those things are fabulous. Yeah.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
So date them till you hate them is one beginning philosophy that starts with that. But what I usually ask is, would you be okay hanging out with them again? Could you see them as a friend? A friend is somebody that you know, that you trust, that to some degree you value. Whether they're similar, different, however they are, but there's a value there.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
If you have a baseline of somebody that you could trust as a friend or that you might like as a friend, then you have a basis for something that might be able to be a healthy relationship.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
What's interesting is that you never once said love. I think love grew.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
um which was very important so something that's at the root of what you're saying is a jewish you know belief and wisdom which is that love grows over time but why because at the root of the word love in hebrew ahava is to give the meaning of it is to give and how do we develop love we develop love by giving so the more that you give over the course of time the more that you will love the partner that you're with so correct you know you're with somebody do you love them i don't know i
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
I don't know where you are in your relationship, but let's say somebody was in an early stage relationship. Do you love them? Oh, yes, I love them. Is your love as strong as her love for her partner? No way. Why? Because you haven't had the quantity of time to do that. We're married 22 years. Is my love as strong for my husband as hers is for hers? Exactly. As 61 years? It can't be. It can't be.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
I love him. Of course I love him. You love your partner. Of course. But you've had 61 years of giving and he's had 61 years of giving. Exactly. That's what grows the love, the length of time. So it's not about more or less love, but you do continuously give and therefore develop a deeper love over time.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
So there was a show, Indian Matchmaking. You saw it. It's Jewish matchmaking, just Indian matchmaking. I watched it. I was like, oh, my gosh, that's the same thing. And then they said, wow, this is amazing. Let's do a spinoff. We'll do a sister brand and we'll do Jewish matchmaking. So they went on a hunt for a Jewish matchmaker and I started interviewing.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
And that was in like summer or fall of 2020. And then by 2021, they're like, OK, we're really going to do it. And by 2022, we started filming and then it released in 2023.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
So everybody made an effort, and I told them, not just on camera. You must commit to me that you're going to go out off camera, too. Right. And they were amazing. They did. They didn't develop into a long term relationship. But everybody to me, everybody made a sincere effort. Right. And then when you see somebody off camera, it's very different than on camera. Oh, yeah.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
And there's somebody from the show that is I'm not saying which person, but who I matched after the show. OK. And they just got married.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
Yeah. But you don't get to show it on the show. But I was so happy. And neither of them, you know, wanted to make a big deal out of it. But it was such a blessing. I was like, wow. And I would have never known them had it not been for the show because we got, you know, interconnected. Right. It was amazing.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
You know, at first people are a little uncomfortable. Like, imagine you guys start talking on mics, you know, your first few episodes. Okay. After a while, you're just sitting there having a conversation. Yeah, I mean, there happens to be a microphone there. Sometimes you say something, you're like, oh, my gosh, wait, that's being recorded.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
And then you remember after the fact because you're not used to being filmed. Right. So most people, I think most people eased up, although I could see some people were like a little bit uncomfortable at first or even nervous. But sometimes they were good nervous. Like you could see they were like excited about the date and they were like, like you just saw it for real.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
So it's not, I want to say it's not real, real. It's reality. There were no lines. Nothing was scripted. And you edit some things, I'm sure. And they cut and paste everything together.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
Correct.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
And they can grab that big one and replace it. Of course. But for us, at least, they tried to stick to the authenticity of who the people are. You just see sometimes like one side, like their storyline is such. And you don't get the other side. There's many sides to people. They're multifaceted. But what you saw was accurate. The people that you meet on the show, I met in person.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
I was like, yeah, yeah, they are like that. But they have more to who they are. Of course.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
So definitely I would do it. Nothing is in the works at this moment. But at any time, I think that that could shift and change. But there's definitely plans in the works to be doing bigger, better things.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
So my first two books I self-published. The first one's called Get Real, Get Married. And it's all about getting over your hurdles and under the chuppah, which I think that you'd appreciate. I'd probably go right along with it. All of my books are very practical, real advice. And it's not just like you're reading something and you're like, oh, that's nice. There's homework. There's what to do.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
There's concepts that you can implement in your life. This book, Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Find Me a Love That Lasts. Show the picture. It's so pretty.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
So this is different than my other books because this one tells stories. So you're meeting clients. You're hearing about my clients. You're hearing their whole story. It's more like the Netflix, more like the show. Yeah, it's kind of like getting a piece of the show through a book. And then at the end, you're hearing Aliza throughout the whole thing.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
And then you have like, okay, great, but here's how you take it home. Like at the end of the chapters, there's always a tip of what to do and how to do it in your life. And and it's really to me, you can really implement something like I think it's really fabulous that that it's take home advice. And it's not just that you read it and you're like, oh, that's nice. But what does it do for me?
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
It actually does something for you. And for most people, there's kind of like a brain shift. Like I talk about soulmate clarity. I talk about the five date challenge. Grandma Gail, you might like this one. No touching for the first five. Well, I didn't touch till I got married. I didn't either. Yeah.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
I grew up secular. I grew up Jewish conservative, but became observant.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
Jewish, not Jewish, everybody, every age, every stage. And I modify it just for the first five dates. Because I have a theory that if you don't like the human being... It doesn't matter what they physically feel like. It's completely irrelevant data that makes your brain really confused. And like all those sparks. Great. We have amazing chemistry.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
I mean, I don't like their values and I don't like what they stand for. And I don't like this. I don't like that. But like, oh, wow. Do I really feel it? Well, what do I care that you feel that? Because it's irrelevant because it's not a human being you would live with, that you would want to build a life with, that you would trust with your fine. Like, would you blend your finances with them?
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
No, I'd never trust them. Right. But like, it feels great to be in the relationship. Well, that's really irrelevant data.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
right after the first five dates you like them they like you you actually want to go on a sixth date i know you already both like each other so you don't have to be a psychic and you don't even need a matchmaker to tell you that just date without touching for five dates and then we'll know if both sides are in if somebody dumps somebody so people say they're like but if i would have whatever with him or her then maybe they would have stuck around i was like yeah but it's still irrelevant data they would have stuck around for the wrong reason they don't like you as a human being they don't
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
like you. They don't like you. Yeah, they want to be in the bedroom with you, but they don't like you. That should bother you. And you should want to know if somebody actually likes you. Or actually sees you as you are. Yeah. And appreciates you and values you. And if they do... So great.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
After date six, seven, eight, like I know we're going somewhere with somebody that has real potential on both sides. It's mutual because one side will dump the other before a fifth date or sixth date if they don't actually like the human being. So this takes care of like, I mean, for the men, it's great. I'm going to tell you why.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
They don't have to keep paying for dates if they are being gentlemen and they are paying for dates. For women, it's great. You don't have to waste your time. Does he like me? No. It's very easy. Either he does or he doesn't. Right. And you can thank me later, but your sixth or seventh date or whenever you want to bring physical touch into the relationship, it's much better.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
You know, like the whole concept of Kama Sutra and other things that hold back the sexual tension in a relationship, it builds. So it's not worse. It's better. Like I fix the problem all around and everybody's like, But I don't like that answer. I was like, OK, good for you. But, you know, because it actually works.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
That's it. Just try five dates without it. And then also, are you really going to feel secure on a second date? And the security you feel by holding his hand on a second date, does it come from a place of truth? It comes from a place of nothing. Nothing. Like he's maybe just in it to get something from you. Or we don't know. You know two dates, like five hours.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
How much information do you actually know about them? Yeah. Compared to after going out five dates, you have a number of hours under your belt and you've not been doing other things. So you actually had to talk. You actually, I mean, in more observant circles, they're getting engaged by date 10, sometimes even sooner. Why?
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
But because they've talked about everything, where they want to live, what kind of family they want to raise, where they come from, does the money and everything matter and what's good for them and the life they want to build. They've already dreamt that out. And if their vision is in alignment, they're like, yeah, let's move ahead. Yeah.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
And if you don't touch, you can know it within five days. Like our values are really in line. Something is not right. And by six months, I have a theory also. I don't care, again, age, background, affiliation, nothing matters. Within six months, you should know if this is a human for you or not. If you don't and you're confused, then the question is why are you confused? Right.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
Well, when you're dealing with the human being who you are and physically how you make me feel, now it's confusing. But if we got into it first by I like you as a human baseline, again, I could be a friend with you. I could trust you. You're a really good human. And, wow, we could build a romantic and lifestyle together. Wow, we can take this forward. Now we have something.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
And you could figure all that out in six months. You don't have to do anything about it. But at least know in your mind. Yes, you should be able to know. Exactly. I agree with that.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
No. Well, you mean tell them that you're not touching for the first five dates? Yeah. In modern day, it would be a little awkward. You could blame it on me. You'd be like, I heard this podcast. And excuse my grandma with Aliza. She has this thing where you shouldn't touch for five dates. I'm trying it out. Let's play a game.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
OK, so I will just tell you the men that are for real. And I've talked to men in college in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s plus. They have all said to me, Aliza, five dates. If I like her, I'd go 10 dates. I'd go 20. Exactly. OK, so you want to know if they're for real. They're for real. And if they don't want to play your game, then they're not for real. And they're not really interested in you.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
It's not that they're not for real. It's just that they're not for you. And it's clarity. And they're like, but maybe I could convince them. And I was like, that's a bad plan. If they're really not into you, it's just not going to work. We can just let this go. But it's it's really a hard pill to swallow because that means that every person that you're meeting, you're going, oh, they're not for me.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
Oh, they don't like me. But it's supposed to be that way. You should in matchmaking, you should have a 99 percent fail rate and a one percent success rate. That's matchmaking. That's how we know it's the right person.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
Yes.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
So right now, I think Israel, and I think it's always been this way, it's more traditional in terms of advancement in many areas, technology especially. We're like way beyond. Way, way ahead of everybody. Yeah, way, way beyond. In terms of home, family, lifestyle, we are really firmly rooted in family. So it's just normal. You live at home until you get married, and then you move out.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
But hey, still, we come home for meals. We visit with family. Family is a very important part of our life. And if you get out of your 20s without being married, it's like, why? You know, like it's go to school, go to the army, get married. That's it. And you build your job and family.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
Mostly in Israel, though, we have a very – It's much – Israel is different. Yeah, it's very broad. So we have secular, traditional, religious. There's left, right, and center religiously. Certainly Tel Aviv, for sure. Correct. And Tel Aviv as well is one of the most progressive cities. So we have many different types of Jewish people represented. Which is good.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
But family and community, like living over there for the last three and a half years, it's so rooted in that. Like literally our life, our week, even if you're not Sabbath observant, in most communities, there's a concept of having this day off. Everything slows down. Many shops or all shops are closed depending on the city. And it's like go home, go be with your family.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
Like in our community, some people are religious, some people are secular, and everything— Everybody buys their challah on a Friday night to have on Friday night. Like they go out Friday afternoon. They get their challah. They go home. They have a family meal. And because life is centered around family, so getting married is like, oh, but of course I want to do that.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
And of course that's a high priority because I want to have family because I want to build because I want to have community. I want to be a part of it. And we believe in – independence and individualism and doing what we need to do for ourselves.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
And at the same time, not losing family, which is at the root and the core of who we are as a people is to be centered around our family and our communities. And that's what builds the world. Independence doesn't build our world. Right. You know, you want to live your own life, do your own thing. That's OK. But when you're not here, there is no future generation. Right. Right.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
So building a family builds that and we can live from generation to generation.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
But they're very advanced. Very advanced. And whatever degree or whatever you want to study, you can do. Right. We have, you know, women in the government. We have women. I mean, female soldiers. Everybody everywhere. Right.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
I think that community and family is probably at the backbone, at the core of who we are as a people. Being there has been very empowering. And, you know, when I used to live in Philadelphia and you'd look kind of from the outside and say, oh, what's going on over there? And like, oh, my heart goes out to them. I feel so bad. And you feel so powerless. And over there, everybody's doing something.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
You know, wherever you need help, if somebody needs food, you need to take somebody in or if somebody had to move. It's a whole community effort. And it's really, really beautiful. Really incredible.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
So it's not my area of expertise. My area of expertise is within like a singular background. The biggest challenges that we see within interfaith relationships is that there's no backbone and there's no grounding. Like, well, which side do we pick and what do we do and whose holidays and whose houses? And then you see children who are saying, but who am I and what am I? Right.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
So my advice would be pick a side. Right. Which I don't. You choose. Pick aside which religion, which basis, which foundation do you want and then raise your family in that way. And if somebody wants to choose something later in life, OK, fine. But at least, you know, from the baseline, a child and a family can answer, well, who are you? Well, what is your background? Well, what do you believe?
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
Somebody could answer that as opposed to, I don't know. I just I'm a little bit of my mind when I'm everything and I'm nothing. Right.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
When you go for a degree, right, you can focus and get a degree in one area. You might get a major and a minor, right? You could get a dual degree, whatever you're going to get. But you don't go to school and study everything and come out having studied everything and know everything because it's nothing. What are you certified in? What can you do? Who can you help?
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
So in the same way for a family, like, well, what are you? It's not everything. You're not everything. You're something. What is that something that you are? Define what that is and find a partner to build a life like that that's unified.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
Right, not my favorite. So I would say life happens. And by me, I would say, okay, I'm cautious, right? I would agree to reschedule. If they mess up a second time, it's gonna be very hard for me to say yes to a third time because then I'm just gonna say, what are your priorities? And why, A, don't you have the ability to schedule around your life?
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
And why is your work more important than finding a partner and building a life? Because if they schedule you out once and they schedule you out twice, then you can imagine what your married life is going to be like.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
Yeah, you should. I think that the person needs to mourn the loss of this friend because, and I love what you said, I miss my friend, right? So there was a friendship there and a relationship there. Even though the relationship is gone, you could never be friends with them again because you still like them. And they probably still have something towards you.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
Love that was once there doesn't disappear. And a relationship that was once there can't just disappear into nothing again. and you should find a different, you know, yes, you miss your friend. Great. That's why. You can mourn about it, cry about it. You can go to therapy about it. You should definitely find other friends, but getting back into something with them is not going to be healthy.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
I don't like this question. Call or text? Well, a call is more personal. Okay. But if you can't do a call, still text and at least like a picture, an emoji.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
No.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
I prefer setups.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
No.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
I love that. I mean, it's more I would rather ask for their blessing than their permission. Right. Right? Like just I'm asking for your blessing, not for your permission. It's a better way of even talking about that question. That's a very nice.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
Yeah, because I'm not asking. I made my decision. They made their decision. We want your blessing. Oh, you didn't give it? Well, I still asked. We're getting married. Come. You should come to the wedding. You should be there.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
One person pay, and if it's alternating, the man should priority pay, and the woman, every once in a while, she wants to treat him, do something special, with something important in mind, where I want to take him, and all her. It's me, it's my treat. When we treat, we give.
Excuse My Grandma
Excuse My Grandma While We Dive Into Love and Matchmaking Ft. Aleeza Ben Shalom
Yeah. So you can grab the book anywhere, your favorite bookseller on Amazon or Barnes & Noble, anywhere that you want. It is called Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Find Me a Love That Lasts. You can find me at elisabenshalom.com and I'm online at elisabenshalom, Instagram, Facebook.