Alexis Fernandez-Preiksa

Thank fuck.

Fuck, he left me.

It doesn't feel like it now, but I can guarantee if you do the right things for yourself, if you start doing kind things for yourself, if you start filling the void with things that are going to help you grow and blossom and be happy, you will look back and say, wow, that was a fucking testing time in my life.

But look at the person I became because of that fork in the road.

All right.

Thank you so much for sending that in.

I fucking feel your pain, but I'm excited for your future.

All right.

Last one.

Okay, thank you so much for sending that question in.

Yeah, this is really, really hard because it's kind of like, I don't know if paradox is the word, but it's like in order to protect yourself, you end up hurting yourself more, right?

Like this attachment style where you then start like you're protecting yourself, you're pushing people away, you're detaching, detaching, you're cutting off, you're cutting off because you're saying I can't

have them hurt me you're telling yourself ultimately and obviously this is not intentional it's not what you want to but this is you know how these attachment styles form you're telling yourself i wouldn't be able to cope if you hurt me and if you left me i wouldn't be able to cope so therefore i need to take control of this situation and that's what a lot of attachment comes down to it's how you control an emotional situation

When you feel in control of yourself and your own emotions and you feel like trusting of other people in general, not every person on earth, obviously you know that some can, some can't be trusted, but when you have a general trust, when you generally feel that people are safe, but more so when you feel that you are a safe space, that even if you get hurt, you're still okay, you will survive, you will whatever, that control over your circumstances, you know that you could control it somehow.

then you're less likely to push people away when you're worried that they're going to hurt you.

And then on the flip side, if you feel I need to control this situation, I need to control how other people treat me, that you're not allowing yourself control.

to be vulnerable, to be hurt.

You're not allowing yourself to see that if you did get hurt, you could start to piece things back together and heal yourself.

And a lot of this comes down from maybe in, you know, how you were brought up.

I mean, most attachment styles, most of them are formed due to our upbringing, but sometimes they can change through really traumatic relationships in life.