Alexis Fernandez-Preiksa

But basically things happen to you where then you think that was so horrible or there was no repair or there was nothing and I can't ever go through that again, so therefore the wall is up.

Okay?

So I guess you have to look at how have you processed healing in the past?

What are you doing to process your own healing?

And what are you doing to tell yourself that you would be able to survive or you wouldn't be able to survive it?

Because the issue here is that if you maintain this –

this thing of pushing people away, you end up hurting yourself so much more because you forego ever having a really close, committed relationship.

Now it's hard to, I mean, definitely go listen to my episode about attachment styles and all of that, but in a nutshell,

And one of the best things that you can do is to speak to your partner about this attachment style early on in the relationship, okay?

You tell them the reason you are pushing people away is because you've got this deep-seated kind of thing, even though you might not acknowledge it, but it's, I can't be hurt.

And the reason you tell yourself you can't be hurt is because you think you can't cope.

Like, you know, I think a lot of us can relate that maybe when you go through your first heartbreak, you think I'm never going to let myself get heartbroken again.

I'm never, never, never, never.

I'll never.

But then you heal and then you think, well, I did heal.

And while that was fucked, I am ready to love again.

And yeah, okay.

Okay.

And then you let your walls down and whatever.

So that's kind of like, you know, if you've got like that, that relatively secure attachment style, that's kind of how you may feel.