Alison Alford

So imagine you're a homeowner and somebody just says, here's $10,000 to redo the living room, you know, and you're like, whee, and you just go buy pretty things and you paint and you decorate and you get a new TV and maybe you have a party even.

But when you're a homeowner, you also have to take out the trash.

You also have to clean it.

You also have to pay those property taxes.

But for me, I am a homeowner, or at least on my way, the bank still has half of it, maybe.

I feel really good about being a homeowner, even though it's difficult, even though not every day is $10,000 redecorating day.

Most days are lawn care day, trash care day.

And so in those seasons that are difficult with a parent, I try to think about, I'm still proud to be in this relationship.

So I have to take out the trash or clean the gutters

as part of my responsibility here, but I don't just have to think of that entirely negatively.

I need to remember, but I get to own the house.

I get to be in relationship.

And part of that is I can feel like a good person.

What you're saying is when you don't call, part of feeling like a bad daughter is thinking,

I want to be a good person and I want to like myself.

So when I do things that are hard and they don't feel like a party at that moment, I remind myself it's not only hard, it's also contributing to my eudaimonic happiness, my long term happiness and protecting my future self.

from feeling bad or sad about how I acted maybe at the end of this relationship.

With that in mind, no homeowner takes out the trash all day long.

Every single thing about your home, if the roof fell in and this leaked and that leaked, you'd sell it, right?

So there has to be times where we find the fun or we look at the relationship and think, is the balance really off here?