Alison Wood Brooks

You can come back to it later in your relationship, in a different conversation. The bigger risk is staying too long and stagnating.

The topic pyramid is a tool that I realized that my students needed so badly, and I think everyone needs so badly. There are three levels to the pyramid. At the base of the pyramid, this is where small talk lives. These are topics that you could talk about with anyone. So what about this weather? How was your weekend? What are you excited about? You know, what's going on at the weekend coming up?

The topic pyramid is a tool that I realized that my students needed so badly, and I think everyone needs so badly. There are three levels to the pyramid. At the base of the pyramid, this is where small talk lives. These are topics that you could talk about with anyone. So what about this weather? How was your weekend? What are you excited about? You know, what's going on at the weekend coming up?

The topic pyramid is a tool that I realized that my students needed so badly, and I think everyone needs so badly. There are three levels to the pyramid. At the base of the pyramid, this is where small talk lives. These are topics that you could talk about with anyone. So what about this weather? How was your weekend? What are you excited about? You know, what's going on at the weekend coming up?

Those sort of well-trodden, well-known small talk topics. It's totally okay to be at the bottom of the pyramid. In fact, many conversations have to start there. It's this well-trodden ground, especially with strangers or with people you haven't seen in a long time. You have to start there. That's part of the norm of conversation.

Those sort of well-trodden, well-known small talk topics. It's totally okay to be at the bottom of the pyramid. In fact, many conversations have to start there. It's this well-trodden ground, especially with strangers or with people you haven't seen in a long time. You have to start there. That's part of the norm of conversation.

Those sort of well-trodden, well-known small talk topics. It's totally okay to be at the bottom of the pyramid. In fact, many conversations have to start there. It's this well-trodden ground, especially with strangers or with people you haven't seen in a long time. You have to start there. That's part of the norm of conversation.

The mistake is staying at the base of the pyramid too long and letting it stagnate and become dull. And that's when these alarm bells go off in your mind where you say, oh my, we gotta get out of this. We gotta get to something more meaningful. So the second tier of the pyramid

The mistake is staying at the base of the pyramid too long and letting it stagnate and become dull. And that's when these alarm bells go off in your mind where you say, oh my, we gotta get out of this. We gotta get to something more meaningful. So the second tier of the pyramid

The mistake is staying at the base of the pyramid too long and letting it stagnate and become dull. And that's when these alarm bells go off in your mind where you say, oh my, we gotta get out of this. We gotta get to something more meaningful. So the second tier of the pyramid

is what we call medium talk or tailored talk, where you're moving towards a topic that is more interesting, more personal, and closer maybe to what your partner has in terms of interests and expertise. So it's becoming more personalized. The third, the top tier of the pyramid, is deep talk.

is what we call medium talk or tailored talk, where you're moving towards a topic that is more interesting, more personal, and closer maybe to what your partner has in terms of interests and expertise. So it's becoming more personalized. The third, the top tier of the pyramid, is deep talk.

is what we call medium talk or tailored talk, where you're moving towards a topic that is more interesting, more personal, and closer maybe to what your partner has in terms of interests and expertise. So it's becoming more personalized. The third, the top tier of the pyramid, is deep talk.

Deep talk is what friends and family members and work besties, this is what we're all hungry for, the type of conversation to have with people we're very close to. It's a sort of unique place of shared reality where maybe only the two of you could be talking about this topic in this way. And so not every conversation needs to get to the peak. That's not always the goal.

Deep talk is what friends and family members and work besties, this is what we're all hungry for, the type of conversation to have with people we're very close to. It's a sort of unique place of shared reality where maybe only the two of you could be talking about this topic in this way. And so not every conversation needs to get to the peak. That's not always the goal.

Deep talk is what friends and family members and work besties, this is what we're all hungry for, the type of conversation to have with people we're very close to. It's a sort of unique place of shared reality where maybe only the two of you could be talking about this topic in this way. And so not every conversation needs to get to the peak. That's not always the goal.

When your neighbor's just taking out their trash, you don't need to get to the peak of the pyramid necessarily. The key here is fostering a little bit more of an awareness of where you are in the pyramid and making sure that you don't get stuck at the base of the pyramid for too long.

When your neighbor's just taking out their trash, you don't need to get to the peak of the pyramid necessarily. The key here is fostering a little bit more of an awareness of where you are in the pyramid and making sure that you don't get stuck at the base of the pyramid for too long.

When your neighbor's just taking out their trash, you don't need to get to the peak of the pyramid necessarily. The key here is fostering a little bit more of an awareness of where you are in the pyramid and making sure that you don't get stuck at the base of the pyramid for too long.

That's right. Our work suggests that asking more questions is like the sort of baseline best thing that you can do in your life to get better at question asking. Just ask more. But there's a lot of nuance in the types of questions that are better and worse in certain circumstances. So open-ended questions, invite your partner to share, right? These are questions are like, what's on your mind?