Alison Wood Brooks

You might want to have a great time. You might want to give them a compliment. You want to persuade them to agree with your view on a certain issue. And also, you need to leave in five minutes. So we all hold these very many goals at the same time. And the person you're talking to has their own constellation of goals that they hold on to.

You might want to have a great time. You might want to give them a compliment. You want to persuade them to agree with your view on a certain issue. And also, you need to leave in five minutes. So we all hold these very many goals at the same time. And the person you're talking to has their own constellation of goals that they hold on to.

You might want to have a great time. You might want to give them a compliment. You want to persuade them to agree with your view on a certain issue. And also, you need to leave in five minutes. So we all hold these very many goals at the same time. And the person you're talking to has their own constellation of goals that they hold on to.

And so the definition of success in any given conversation depends on achieving at least some subset of those goals. And achieving those goals is harder than it first appears.

And so the definition of success in any given conversation depends on achieving at least some subset of those goals. And achieving those goals is harder than it first appears.

And so the definition of success in any given conversation depends on achieving at least some subset of those goals. And achieving those goals is harder than it first appears.

Yeah. Yeah. So in almost every encounter, we have some goals that are common across most conversations, one of which is that we want it to be enjoyable and feel meaningful and not overly shallow. We want to avoid awkwardness. We want to feel connected. We want to feel safe. Often, we want to learn new things from each other.

Yeah. Yeah. So in almost every encounter, we have some goals that are common across most conversations, one of which is that we want it to be enjoyable and feel meaningful and not overly shallow. We want to avoid awkwardness. We want to feel connected. We want to feel safe. Often, we want to learn new things from each other.

Yeah. Yeah. So in almost every encounter, we have some goals that are common across most conversations, one of which is that we want it to be enjoyable and feel meaningful and not overly shallow. We want to avoid awkwardness. We want to feel connected. We want to feel safe. Often, we want to learn new things from each other.

It's why the human race evolved the ability to communicate at all as to share and exchange accurate information. To the extent that you can achieve enjoyment and safety and connection and information exchange all within one conversation, that's going to be a conversation that feels terrific. it can break down in any one of those ways.

It's why the human race evolved the ability to communicate at all as to share and exchange accurate information. To the extent that you can achieve enjoyment and safety and connection and information exchange all within one conversation, that's going to be a conversation that feels terrific. it can break down in any one of those ways.

It's why the human race evolved the ability to communicate at all as to share and exchange accurate information. To the extent that you can achieve enjoyment and safety and connection and information exchange all within one conversation, that's going to be a conversation that feels terrific. it can break down in any one of those ways.

If it's not enjoyable, if it doesn't feel safe, if it's not advancing your understanding in the way that you want it to, and if you don't feel connected to the other person, like you're helping each other and like you understand each other, in any one of those ways, when we walk away, it can feel like a failure.

If it's not enjoyable, if it doesn't feel safe, if it's not advancing your understanding in the way that you want it to, and if you don't feel connected to the other person, like you're helping each other and like you understand each other, in any one of those ways, when we walk away, it can feel like a failure.

If it's not enjoyable, if it doesn't feel safe, if it's not advancing your understanding in the way that you want it to, and if you don't feel connected to the other person, like you're helping each other and like you understand each other, in any one of those ways, when we walk away, it can feel like a failure.

So I wanna push you on this. You never know what you could uncover, even in a seemingly sort of shallow context or a shallow conversation. You never know when you're gonna see someone again. You never know if you could uncover something in that conversation that would inspire you to see them again. So even in the unlikeliest of circumstances, I just wanna push you and everyone

So I wanna push you on this. You never know what you could uncover, even in a seemingly sort of shallow context or a shallow conversation. You never know when you're gonna see someone again. You never know if you could uncover something in that conversation that would inspire you to see them again. So even in the unlikeliest of circumstances, I just wanna push you and everyone

So I wanna push you on this. You never know what you could uncover, even in a seemingly sort of shallow context or a shallow conversation. You never know when you're gonna see someone again. You never know if you could uncover something in that conversation that would inspire you to see them again. So even in the unlikeliest of circumstances, I just wanna push you and everyone

to consider the idea that maybe it doesn't have to be as shallow as it first appears. I teach about this in my course at Harvard. There's this topic pyramid with three levels. At the base of the pyramid, this is where small talk lives. This is topics you could talk about with anybody, let's say at a dinner party or a cocktail party.

to consider the idea that maybe it doesn't have to be as shallow as it first appears. I teach about this in my course at Harvard. There's this topic pyramid with three levels. At the base of the pyramid, this is where small talk lives. This is topics you could talk about with anybody, let's say at a dinner party or a cocktail party.