Alison Wood Brooks

That's right. Yeah, we're getting less practice than ever before in human history. And with less practice comes less feedback and sort of the feedback we do get is even more mysterious and diffuse. I mean, when you're texting someone, you have no idea how your messages are landing with them, right? You can't read their facial expressions.

You really have no idea if they've even read your message until they respond. So yes, we find ourselves in an even more difficult learning environment about our communication than ever before.

You really have no idea if they've even read your message until they respond. So yes, we find ourselves in an even more difficult learning environment about our communication than ever before.

You really have no idea if they've even read your message until they respond. So yes, we find ourselves in an even more difficult learning environment about our communication than ever before.

The definition of a good conversation is not up to me as a scientist or as a professor. It's not even up to you, Mike. It's determined by the goals of the people participating in the conversation. And the goals that people have when they interact with other people are vast. I mean,

The definition of a good conversation is not up to me as a scientist or as a professor. It's not even up to you, Mike. It's determined by the goals of the people participating in the conversation. And the goals that people have when they interact with other people are vast. I mean,

The definition of a good conversation is not up to me as a scientist or as a professor. It's not even up to you, Mike. It's determined by the goals of the people participating in the conversation. And the goals that people have when they interact with other people are vast. I mean,

If you didn't have we always have at least one goal, even if it's just to have fun or be polite or to uphold the very basic expectation that you're going to respond to another person. Usually people have many more than just one goal. So you kind of hold on to this rich constellation of things you might want to.

If you didn't have we always have at least one goal, even if it's just to have fun or be polite or to uphold the very basic expectation that you're going to respond to another person. Usually people have many more than just one goal. So you kind of hold on to this rich constellation of things you might want to.

If you didn't have we always have at least one goal, even if it's just to have fun or be polite or to uphold the very basic expectation that you're going to respond to another person. Usually people have many more than just one goal. So you kind of hold on to this rich constellation of things you might want to.

share a story you might want to seek someone's advice you might want to have a great time you might want to give them a compliment you want to persuade them to agree with your view on a certain issue and also you need to leave in five minutes so we all hold these very many goals at the same time and the person you're talking to has their own constellation of goals that they hold on to

share a story you might want to seek someone's advice you might want to have a great time you might want to give them a compliment you want to persuade them to agree with your view on a certain issue and also you need to leave in five minutes so we all hold these very many goals at the same time and the person you're talking to has their own constellation of goals that they hold on to

share a story you might want to seek someone's advice you might want to have a great time you might want to give them a compliment you want to persuade them to agree with your view on a certain issue and also you need to leave in five minutes so we all hold these very many goals at the same time and the person you're talking to has their own constellation of goals that they hold on to

And so the definition of success in any given conversation depends on achieving at least some subset of those goals. And achieving those goals is harder than it first appears.

And so the definition of success in any given conversation depends on achieving at least some subset of those goals. And achieving those goals is harder than it first appears.

And so the definition of success in any given conversation depends on achieving at least some subset of those goals. And achieving those goals is harder than it first appears.

Yeah, I know. I've heard that about Bill Clinton as well. There are people in the world who have developed conversation as a skill. And it's very easy to look at someone like Bill Clinton and think, boy, he is gifted. He is a gifted, natural conversationalist. He has this charisma. He's really good at connecting with people. And maybe it's effortless for him.

Yeah, I know. I've heard that about Bill Clinton as well. There are people in the world who have developed conversation as a skill. And it's very easy to look at someone like Bill Clinton and think, boy, he is gifted. He is a gifted, natural conversationalist. He has this charisma. He's really good at connecting with people. And maybe it's effortless for him.

Yeah, I know. I've heard that about Bill Clinton as well. There are people in the world who have developed conversation as a skill. And it's very easy to look at someone like Bill Clinton and think, boy, he is gifted. He is a gifted, natural conversationalist. He has this charisma. He's really good at connecting with people. And maybe it's effortless for him.

And when you look at someone like Bill Clinton, who just seems charismatic and so good at connecting with people, such a great listener, it kind of can make you feel bad about yourself. Like, what am I not doing right here? What is this thing that he's so good at? Which I call the myth of naturalness.