Alison Wood Brooks

Can you think of a conversation that you need to have with another person that you've been putting off, Allison?

So many. I feel like I avoid certain topics often right now, maybe just today.

So many. I feel like I avoid certain topics often right now, maybe just today.

So many. I feel like I avoid certain topics often right now, maybe just today.

I mean, I could initiate conversations with many of my students, for example, and tell them that I don't think that their performance in the course so far has been terrific and that I'm disappointed in them and that I think it's not only going to affect their grade, but their learning and also how I personally feel about them, right? Like it's affecting our relationship in a sort of personal way.

I mean, I could initiate conversations with many of my students, for example, and tell them that I don't think that their performance in the course so far has been terrific and that I'm disappointed in them and that I think it's not only going to affect their grade, but their learning and also how I personally feel about them, right? Like it's affecting our relationship in a sort of personal way.

I mean, I could initiate conversations with many of my students, for example, and tell them that I don't think that their performance in the course so far has been terrific and that I'm disappointed in them and that I think it's not only going to affect their grade, but their learning and also how I personally feel about them, right? Like it's affecting our relationship in a sort of personal way.

And the way I avoid that conversation is by asking my assistant to write emails to the students and just let them know what assignments they're missing. Rather than starting a conversation with, you know, 20 different people that I think will be hurtful or unpleasant or hard or time-consuming or make them feel bad.

And the way I avoid that conversation is by asking my assistant to write emails to the students and just let them know what assignments they're missing. Rather than starting a conversation with, you know, 20 different people that I think will be hurtful or unpleasant or hard or time-consuming or make them feel bad.

And the way I avoid that conversation is by asking my assistant to write emails to the students and just let them know what assignments they're missing. Rather than starting a conversation with, you know, 20 different people that I think will be hurtful or unpleasant or hard or time-consuming or make them feel bad.

There's so many reasons that prevent me from sort of reaching out one-on-one to them.

There's so many reasons that prevent me from sort of reaching out one-on-one to them.

There's so many reasons that prevent me from sort of reaching out one-on-one to them.

You know, it's interesting, Alison, you know, many of us think when we are subordinates or students or in a position where someone else has power over us, that the manager or the supervisor or the administrator has no problem whatsoever telling us what they think and feel. Because of course, this person has all this power. We build them up to have all this power in our mind.

You know, it's interesting, Alison, you know, many of us think when we are subordinates or students or in a position where someone else has power over us, that the manager or the supervisor or the administrator has no problem whatsoever telling us what they think and feel. Because of course, this person has all this power. We build them up to have all this power in our mind.

You know, it's interesting, Alison, you know, many of us think when we are subordinates or students or in a position where someone else has power over us, that the manager or the supervisor or the administrator has no problem whatsoever telling us what they think and feel. Because of course, this person has all this power. We build them up to have all this power in our mind.

But I think what you're saying is that this actually runs both ways. Your students might understandably have trepidation coming to you and discussing something difficult with you, but you have the same problem discussing it with them.

But I think what you're saying is that this actually runs both ways. Your students might understandably have trepidation coming to you and discussing something difficult with you, but you have the same problem discussing it with them.

But I think what you're saying is that this actually runs both ways. Your students might understandably have trepidation coming to you and discussing something difficult with you, but you have the same problem discussing it with them.

That's right. It's a profound human instinct to try to avoid unpleasantness or things that you don't think will go well. And often that unpleasantness comes from us grappling with this feeling torn between honesty and being kind. And that really has nothing to do with status, right? If we're grappling with, can I tell you the truth? And is that going to be hurtful to you?