Alistair Bain

When I was 13, I got my first horse. His name was Bo. He was a half an inch over pony class, a chestnut with sort of anonymous breeding history, not very well trained, a little bit mean and shaggy coated. But I didn't mind because he was mine, and I was willing to put the hours I knew it would take to train him in because he was the one part of my life that didn't feel dark and dangerous.

When I was 13, I got my first horse. His name was Bo. He was a half an inch over pony class, a chestnut with sort of anonymous breeding history, not very well trained, a little bit mean and shaggy coated. But I didn't mind because he was mine, and I was willing to put the hours I knew it would take to train him in because he was the one part of my life that didn't feel dark and dangerous.

When I was 13, I got my first horse. His name was Bo. He was a half an inch over pony class, a chestnut with sort of anonymous breeding history, not very well trained, a little bit mean and shaggy coated. But I didn't mind because he was mine, and I was willing to put the hours I knew it would take to train him in because he was the one part of my life that didn't feel dark and dangerous.

At that point, my dad had dropped me off with my mom in a small town in central Illinois. She had enrolled me in a Catholic school where I was the only Native person at an otherwise white school. I felt different, but that wasn't the only reason. The kids had another name for the reason I was different. Words like fag, queer, it, and freak. I heard that all day.

At that point, my dad had dropped me off with my mom in a small town in central Illinois. She had enrolled me in a Catholic school where I was the only Native person at an otherwise white school. I felt different, but that wasn't the only reason. The kids had another name for the reason I was different. Words like fag, queer, it, and freak. I heard that all day.

At that point, my dad had dropped me off with my mom in a small town in central Illinois. She had enrolled me in a Catholic school where I was the only Native person at an otherwise white school. I felt different, but that wasn't the only reason. The kids had another name for the reason I was different. Words like fag, queer, it, and freak. I heard that all day.

The teachers told me if I didn't act so weird, maybe I wouldn't get in trouble being bullied. And when I went home, although my mom's words weren't quite that crude, her sentiment was the same. Everything I did, how I walked, how I talked, seemed disappointing. But every afternoon, I would get to go to the stable and saddle up Beau and go for a ride.

The teachers told me if I didn't act so weird, maybe I wouldn't get in trouble being bullied. And when I went home, although my mom's words weren't quite that crude, her sentiment was the same. Everything I did, how I walked, how I talked, seemed disappointing. But every afternoon, I would get to go to the stable and saddle up Beau and go for a ride.

The teachers told me if I didn't act so weird, maybe I wouldn't get in trouble being bullied. And when I went home, although my mom's words weren't quite that crude, her sentiment was the same. Everything I did, how I walked, how I talked, seemed disappointing. But every afternoon, I would get to go to the stable and saddle up Beau and go for a ride.

I spent so much time grooming him and training him. that within a few months, the first time we went into the dressage ring, he was flawless, and we walked out with a long, shiny, satin blue ribbon in front of everyone who had thought that we were misfits. And for just that moment, everything felt good, like a story of redemption.

I spent so much time grooming him and training him. that within a few months, the first time we went into the dressage ring, he was flawless, and we walked out with a long, shiny, satin blue ribbon in front of everyone who had thought that we were misfits. And for just that moment, everything felt good, like a story of redemption.

I spent so much time grooming him and training him. that within a few months, the first time we went into the dressage ring, he was flawless, and we walked out with a long, shiny, satin blue ribbon in front of everyone who had thought that we were misfits. And for just that moment, everything felt good, like a story of redemption.

But over the course of the next few months, as I entered eighth grade, it seemed like the bullying got worse. And at home, I had decided that it was time that I finally said it out loud to my mother. I came out, and her reaction was everything I feared it would be and more, worse. I could almost feel her disapproval through the walls in the house.

But over the course of the next few months, as I entered eighth grade, it seemed like the bullying got worse. And at home, I had decided that it was time that I finally said it out loud to my mother. I came out, and her reaction was everything I feared it would be and more, worse. I could almost feel her disapproval through the walls in the house.

But over the course of the next few months, as I entered eighth grade, it seemed like the bullying got worse. And at home, I had decided that it was time that I finally said it out loud to my mother. I came out, and her reaction was everything I feared it would be and more, worse. I could almost feel her disapproval through the walls in the house.

And at that point, it seemed like even when I was at the stable with Bo, those rides, that time I had with him, weren't enough. And there was this darkness that was encroaching on my very spirit, a voice inside me that said, maybe there was no place I would ever belong and no use going on.

And at that point, it seemed like even when I was at the stable with Bo, those rides, that time I had with him, weren't enough. And there was this darkness that was encroaching on my very spirit, a voice inside me that said, maybe there was no place I would ever belong and no use going on.

And at that point, it seemed like even when I was at the stable with Bo, those rides, that time I had with him, weren't enough. And there was this darkness that was encroaching on my very spirit, a voice inside me that said, maybe there was no place I would ever belong and no use going on.

One Saturday morning, I found myself in the bathroom looking in the medicine cabinet at my mother's newly refilled prescription of tranquilizers, thinking that it would be so easy that night before bed to take them all. The kids would have no one to bully on Monday. My mother would have no one to say was embarrassing the family.

One Saturday morning, I found myself in the bathroom looking in the medicine cabinet at my mother's newly refilled prescription of tranquilizers, thinking that it would be so easy that night before bed to take them all. The kids would have no one to bully on Monday. My mother would have no one to say was embarrassing the family.