Allison Holker

It was devastating, very confusing. Like you said, three weeks before he committed suicide, we were celebrating that we wanted more kids. And the joke in our home was I gave him an option. Either he gets another kid or he gets the three Doberman Pinschers that he wanted to have. But I was like, you can't have both. You don't get three new dogs and a new baby.

And it was something that our family was joking about for months. I had told Steven I would love to have another kid with him, but he also was like, oh, I don't know. I kind of want to have these dogs though. And Wesley would chime in about it. Maddox would chime in. I was a little bit too young to really fully understand, but it would be like a casual talk at our dinner table.

And it was something that our family was joking about for months. I had told Steven I would love to have another kid with him, but he also was like, oh, I don't know. I kind of want to have these dogs though. And Wesley would chime in about it. Maddox would chime in. I was a little bit too young to really fully understand, but it would be like a casual talk at our dinner table.

And it was something that our family was joking about for months. I had told Steven I would love to have another kid with him, but he also was like, oh, I don't know. I kind of want to have these dogs though. And Wesley would chime in about it. Maddox would chime in. I was a little bit too young to really fully understand, but it would be like a casual talk at our dinner table.

Like, all right, what's the choice gonna be? Which is why we were so willing to talk about it on the Jennifer Hudson show. You know, they obviously vet questions. It's not like they randomly come up with these questions. They would talk. It was, what's something that's so funny that you guys are talking about in your house? And that was something that was coming from him.

Like, all right, what's the choice gonna be? Which is why we were so willing to talk about it on the Jennifer Hudson show. You know, they obviously vet questions. It's not like they randomly come up with these questions. They would talk. It was, what's something that's so funny that you guys are talking about in your house? And that was something that was coming from him.

Like, all right, what's the choice gonna be? Which is why we were so willing to talk about it on the Jennifer Hudson show. You know, they obviously vet questions. It's not like they randomly come up with these questions. They would talk. It was, what's something that's so funny that you guys are talking about in your house? And that was something that was coming from him.

You know, we also were actively looking at new homes at that time, you know, and he would be sending me pictures of homes and I'd be sending him pictures of homes and we'd be discussing like what we wanted and the best area to live in for our kids and their futures.

You know, we also were actively looking at new homes at that time, you know, and he would be sending me pictures of homes and I'd be sending him pictures of homes and we'd be discussing like what we wanted and the best area to live in for our kids and their futures.

You know, we also were actively looking at new homes at that time, you know, and he would be sending me pictures of homes and I'd be sending him pictures of homes and we'd be discussing like what we wanted and the best area to live in for our kids and their futures.

When you're doing those things and laughing about it and having so much fun and you're involving the children in on those kinds of conversations, to have him decide to make this really permanent decision to leave us was very confusing. there were no signs at that moment that we had seen. And I say at that moment because I had been with Steven for 13 years.

When you're doing those things and laughing about it and having so much fun and you're involving the children in on those kinds of conversations, to have him decide to make this really permanent decision to leave us was very confusing. there were no signs at that moment that we had seen. And I say at that moment because I had been with Steven for 13 years.

When you're doing those things and laughing about it and having so much fun and you're involving the children in on those kinds of conversations, to have him decide to make this really permanent decision to leave us was very confusing. there were no signs at that moment that we had seen. And I say at that moment because I had been with Steven for 13 years.

I started dating him when I was 22 years old and you know, all these little kinks that he had had that maybe I look back on now as maybe being signs of depression or maybe being signs that he had like really big lows happening in his life. At those moments, we kind of justified them because they had always been there. They weren't new things.

I started dating him when I was 22 years old and you know, all these little kinks that he had had that maybe I look back on now as maybe being signs of depression or maybe being signs that he had like really big lows happening in his life. At those moments, we kind of justified them because they had always been there. They weren't new things.

I started dating him when I was 22 years old and you know, all these little kinks that he had had that maybe I look back on now as maybe being signs of depression or maybe being signs that he had like really big lows happening in his life. At those moments, we kind of justified them because they had always been there. They weren't new things.

And so it was very confusing when he made that decision because we were blindsided. There had never been discussions in our house or individually with me or him being in therapy where there was big discussions happening that he'd been questioning.

And so it was very confusing when he made that decision because we were blindsided. There had never been discussions in our house or individually with me or him being in therapy where there was big discussions happening that he'd been questioning.

And so it was very confusing when he made that decision because we were blindsided. There had never been discussions in our house or individually with me or him being in therapy where there was big discussions happening that he'd been questioning.

these kinds of choices for himself or been so low that he needed to be in therapy or been so low with our family that we needed family therapy or been so low with me that he might need couples therapy there there had been no discussions or lead up to any sort of low happening in our family household to ever have seen anything coming this way um And I didn't believe it at first.