Amanda Hess

Well, I think of my journey as somewhat of a romantic comedy plot where in a rom-com, one party ups his game and one party lowers her defenses until they meet on level ground and they can have a relationship. And that's what's happened here.

Well, I think of my journey as somewhat of a romantic comedy plot where in a rom-com, one party ups his game and one party lowers her defenses until they meet on level ground and they can have a relationship. And that's what's happened here.

I've definitely gotten softer as a person and more open to what they're selling. But they have also gotten a little bit more cynical and a little more arch, and they're selling themselves more aggressively to people like me.

I've definitely gotten softer as a person and more open to what they're selling. But they have also gotten a little bit more cynical and a little more arch, and they're selling themselves more aggressively to people like me.

Right. So the formula remains the same, but there are new entrants to the category that are putting little twists on it. The big one is Netflix. So Netflix is now a Christmas movie generator of its own. And its movies tend to be marketed a little bit more as comedies. So there's still romances, but there's a little bit more of an emphasis on the comedy.

Right. So the formula remains the same, but there are new entrants to the category that are putting little twists on it. The big one is Netflix. So Netflix is now a Christmas movie generator of its own. And its movies tend to be marketed a little bit more as comedies. So there's still romances, but there's a little bit more of an emphasis on the comedy.

Remember that muscular snowman from the Snow Sculpture Festival? And so in Hot Frosty, for example.

Remember that muscular snowman from the Snow Sculpture Festival? And so in Hot Frosty, for example.

It's a movie about a snowman who becomes a real person. How could you possibly trust me?

It's a movie about a snowman who becomes a real person. How could you possibly trust me?

subject today yes how do you justify that I wasn't always this way I think I was always I was always interested in Hallmark Christmas movies on a meta level but I was not interested in sitting down and watching them for an hour and a half or talking about them on the daily yeah right but that changed this year and now I still think they're bad but I really like watching them

subject today yes how do you justify that I wasn't always this way I think I was always I was always interested in Hallmark Christmas movies on a meta level but I was not interested in sitting down and watching them for an hour and a half or talking about them on the daily yeah right but that changed this year and now I still think they're bad but I really like watching them

and falls in love with Lucy Chabert. So there's the remote, the power on and off. There's a moment where Hot Frosty is learning everything about the human world by watching television.

and falls in love with Lucy Chabert. So there's the remote, the power on and off. There's a moment where Hot Frosty is learning everything about the human world by watching television.

And one of the things he watches is a previous Netflix Christmas movie. And so there is some acknowledgement of the idea that this is a category that even if people love to watch these movies, they may still like to poke a little bit of fun at them.

And one of the things he watches is a previous Netflix Christmas movie. And so there is some acknowledgement of the idea that this is a category that even if people love to watch these movies, they may still like to poke a little bit of fun at them.

Yeah. Netflix has also made their Christmas movies a little bit more risque. I got you some clothes, but you're going to have to try them on. Oh, whoa, no, not right now. Got it. So there's usually a shirtless man who's romping around the Christmas wonderland for some bizarre reason. It's going to be a Christmas spectacular full of hot up-and-coming men.

Yeah. Netflix has also made their Christmas movies a little bit more risque. I got you some clothes, but you're going to have to try them on. Oh, whoa, no, not right now. Got it. So there's usually a shirtless man who's romping around the Christmas wonderland for some bizarre reason. It's going to be a Christmas spectacular full of hot up-and-coming men.

There's a movie called The Merry Gentleman, which is basically Magic Mike meets Christmas. There's got to be a way to get people excited about this place again.

There's a movie called The Merry Gentleman, which is basically Magic Mike meets Christmas. There's got to be a way to get people excited about this place again.

A bunch of local men need to put on an erotic male review in order to save a local bar that's fallen into debt.

A bunch of local men need to put on an erotic male review in order to save a local bar that's fallen into debt.

Yes. Oh my God, you're naked.

Yes. Oh my God, you're naked.

So you can imagine that the cable hallmark channel audience is probably a little different than the Netflix streaming audience. And it does seem like Netflix's Christmas offerings are meeting its audience where they're at a little bit more. So there are more like sexual situations, even if there's not like a sex scene. There are more jokes.

So you can imagine that the cable hallmark channel audience is probably a little different than the Netflix streaming audience. And it does seem like Netflix's Christmas offerings are meeting its audience where they're at a little bit more. So there are more like sexual situations, even if there's not like a sex scene. There are more jokes.

There are more actors that you might recognize from sitcoms. So it really does seem like Netflix is specifically seeding its movies with millennial bait. Especially because the actor who now is most associated with Netflix holiday movies is Lindsay Lohan. And she, I think more than anyone else, has been kind of the avatar of millennial girlhood and then teenhood and now...

There are more actors that you might recognize from sitcoms. So it really does seem like Netflix is specifically seeding its movies with millennial bait. Especially because the actor who now is most associated with Netflix holiday movies is Lindsay Lohan. And she, I think more than anyone else, has been kind of the avatar of millennial girlhood and then teenhood and now...

Middle age, unfortunately, is where we are at.

Middle age, unfortunately, is where we are at.

I got a stronger response to that essay than any other piece I've ever written. Ever? Yes. And when I wrote the story, because I am making a bit of fun of these movies, I was curious whether fans of them would be upset with me. And it turns out that a lot of people are watching these movies in the same mode that I'm watching them.

I got a stronger response to that essay than any other piece I've ever written. Ever? Yes. And when I wrote the story, because I am making a bit of fun of these movies, I was curious whether fans of them would be upset with me. And it turns out that a lot of people are watching these movies in the same mode that I'm watching them.

Exactly.

Exactly.

I'm going to find it. Okay. Dear Amanda, I watched my first Hallmark bad Christmas movie that super cold Sunday the other week. While I meant to do some things around the house as I was not venturing outside, I saw our fat kitty on the couch looking for a belly rub, sat down, and turned on the television.

I'm going to find it. Okay. Dear Amanda, I watched my first Hallmark bad Christmas movie that super cold Sunday the other week. While I meant to do some things around the house as I was not venturing outside, I saw our fat kitty on the couch looking for a belly rub, sat down, and turned on the television.

Randomly scrolling through the channels, I came across the start of a Christmas movie on the Hallmark Channel. My mom was always a fan and watched them religiously. She passed last year at 90, and for whatever reason, I felt compelled to watch. Boy, was it bad. I loved it. And watched another right after it and cried. Thank you for the article. Spot on for me. Best to you, Amanda. You rock. Judy.

Randomly scrolling through the channels, I came across the start of a Christmas movie on the Hallmark Channel. My mom was always a fan and watched them religiously. She passed last year at 90, and for whatever reason, I felt compelled to watch. Boy, was it bad. I loved it. And watched another right after it and cried. Thank you for the article. Spot on for me. Best to you, Amanda. You rock. Judy.

Yeah, it's a new kind of tradition.

Yeah, it's a new kind of tradition.

Okay. Let's see. Here's another that I really liked. Hi, Amanda. I've never written to a journalist before.

Okay. Let's see. Here's another that I really liked. Hi, Amanda. I've never written to a journalist before.

Or written in the comments section, but I was compelled to do so by your article. Boy, do I feel old this holiday season, lol. I had the exact same reaction you did about a week ago. I'm currently undergoing IVF and had my embryo transferred Tuesday. And as part of my lay low routine, I watched every single good bad Christmas movie on Netflix. By hot frosty, I was like, wow, what happened to me?

Or written in the comments section, but I was compelled to do so by your article. Boy, do I feel old this holiday season, lol. I had the exact same reaction you did about a week ago. I'm currently undergoing IVF and had my embryo transferred Tuesday. And as part of my lay low routine, I watched every single good bad Christmas movie on Netflix. By hot frosty, I was like, wow, what happened to me?

When did I reach this low? How can they keep a straight face? Why can't I look away? I am their target demographic. Thanks, XX, Alejandra.

When did I reach this low? How can they keep a straight face? Why can't I look away? I am their target demographic. Thanks, XX, Alejandra.

Yeah. Whenever I write anything, I think I'm like, I'm so odd. No one could ever relate to me. There's something wrong with me. And, you know, I found out in this case that that's definitely not true.

Yeah. Whenever I write anything, I think I'm like, I'm so odd. No one could ever relate to me. There's something wrong with me. And, you know, I found out in this case that that's definitely not true.

Maybe so.

Maybe so.

Yeah. I mean, I think at the beginning I was thinking the existence of these movies fascinates me, but they're so bad and I would never watch them. And, you know, I should have just been more comfortable stopping at these movies fascinate me. You know, there were many years that I could have been enjoying these hundreds of movies that I chose not to.

Yeah. I mean, I think at the beginning I was thinking the existence of these movies fascinates me, but they're so bad and I would never watch them. And, you know, I should have just been more comfortable stopping at these movies fascinate me. You know, there were many years that I could have been enjoying these hundreds of movies that I chose not to.

I think it is. I sound so depressed when I say that. I mean, I think, you know, it's like none of these movies will become my classic Christmas movie that I watch every year. But I will watch a movie that is nearly identical when it comes out next year. I'll watch 12 of them.

I think it is. I sound so depressed when I say that. I mean, I think, you know, it's like none of these movies will become my classic Christmas movie that I watch every year. But I will watch a movie that is nearly identical when it comes out next year. I'll watch 12 of them.

They got me.

They got me.

No, they want me over, and I'm in love.

No, they want me over, and I'm in love.

Merry Christmas to you.

Merry Christmas to you.

Thank you so much for having me.

Thank you so much for having me.

Well, like you said, we're really talking about a category that was pioneered by the Hallmark Channel and is still dominated by that channel. Hallmark produces dozens of these made-for-TV Christmas movies every year. In 2024, they released 32. Wow. Of them. And one can imagine that they're not putting a huge amount of production into these movies.

Well, like you said, we're really talking about a category that was pioneered by the Hallmark Channel and is still dominated by that channel. Hallmark produces dozens of these made-for-TV Christmas movies every year. In 2024, they released 32. Wow. Of them. And one can imagine that they're not putting a huge amount of production into these movies.

They kind of seem like they each have the budget for like one snow flurry a movie.

They kind of seem like they each have the budget for like one snow flurry a movie.

Let me pull up a list of them. Lucky Christmas. The Case for Christmas. A Christmas Wedding Tale. That one's about dogs. A Christmas Wish. Holiday Engagement. The Christmas Patch. Christmas Magic. Christmas Song. Matchmaker Santa. It's Christmas Carol.

Let me pull up a list of them. Lucky Christmas. The Case for Christmas. A Christmas Wedding Tale. That one's about dogs. A Christmas Wish. Holiday Engagement. The Christmas Patch. Christmas Magic. Christmas Song. Matchmaker Santa. It's Christmas Carol.

Yes.

Yes.

No, these movies are very similar to each other.

No, these movies are very similar to each other.

When I first became aware of them, I thought they were very stupid. They seemed anti-feminist to me and really, really sentimental. Had you watched a lot of them? I had seen maybe a combined five minutes of these movies, but it was enough to understand what was happening. And the women always seemed to exist only to fall in love.

When I first became aware of them, I thought they were very stupid. They seemed anti-feminist to me and really, really sentimental. Had you watched a lot of them? I had seen maybe a combined five minutes of these movies, but it was enough to understand what was happening. And the women always seemed to exist only to fall in love.

Like, they would throw away their entire lives, like, as soon as they were touched by the magic of Christmas.

Like, they would throw away their entire lives, like, as soon as they were touched by the magic of Christmas.

So a couple of months ago, I learned that someone I know who's an actor in New York appeared in a Hallmark Christmas movie. And the next time I saw him, I was, like, interrogating him about it. I was like, did you wear a scarf? Did you wear a flannel shirt? Like, how many costume changes did you have? What colors were you wearing?

So a couple of months ago, I learned that someone I know who's an actor in New York appeared in a Hallmark Christmas movie. And the next time I saw him, I was, like, interrogating him about it. I was like, did you wear a scarf? Did you wear a flannel shirt? Like, how many costume changes did you have? What colors were you wearing?

Did they use the same set for every Christmas movie and just, like, turn it over? And as I was asking him this, he said, do you like Hallmark Christmas movies? And I said... No, even though clearly I was very interested in them. And so I decided that this year maybe I would actually watch a few of them.

Did they use the same set for every Christmas movie and just, like, turn it over? And as I was asking him this, he said, do you like Hallmark Christmas movies? And I said... No, even though clearly I was very interested in them. And so I decided that this year maybe I would actually watch a few of them.

And it turned out that by the time I sat down to do that, I was in this place in November where someone very close to me had a health scare. And they ended up being completely fine. But there was like a week where I was waiting for test results to come back. Mm-hmm.

And it turned out that by the time I sat down to do that, I was in this place in November where someone very close to me had a health scare. And they ended up being completely fine. But there was like a week where I was waiting for test results to come back. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. I was so frozen as a person. And I really needed to find something to watch that was really uncomplicated and easy. And I found that there was nothing easier than watching these Christmas movies. And I came out of the experience really starting to like them.

Yeah. I was so frozen as a person. And I really needed to find something to watch that was really uncomplicated and easy. And I found that there was nothing easier than watching these Christmas movies. And I came out of the experience really starting to like them.

Well, so they do have this very recognizable formula, and there are some variations. But in the classic one, there's a big city woman who's in her 30s, which in these movies is like she's getting a little long in the tooth. Like, you know, she needs to find love fast. But she has her career that she loves.

Well, so they do have this very recognizable formula, and there are some variations. But in the classic one, there's a big city woman who's in her 30s, which in these movies is like she's getting a little long in the tooth. Like, you know, she needs to find love fast. But she has her career that she loves.

For some bizarre reason, she needs to go back to her hometown.

For some bizarre reason, she needs to go back to her hometown.

Like she's a pilot and she's forced to do an emergency landing on Christmas Island.

Like she's a pilot and she's forced to do an emergency landing on Christmas Island.

Or she is forced to go to Scotland for Christmas because her mother has unexpectedly inherited a castle there. 30,000, this place is 30,000 acres.

Or she is forced to go to Scotland for Christmas because her mother has unexpectedly inherited a castle there. 30,000, this place is 30,000 acres.

You know, whatever it is.

You know, whatever it is.

Yep, I'm home.

Yep, I'm home.

She goes to this small town, and they all look eerily similar. There's this quaint town square.

She goes to this small town, and they all look eerily similar. There's this quaint town square.

That's always very festively decorated for Christmas.

That's always very festively decorated for Christmas.

And there's just, like, a random, like, really hot guy who she runs into, like, often quite literally, and they bump into each other. Watch your step there. Thank you. He might be a handsome woodworker. It's not very far. I'm just going to walk. You didn't let me walk with you. I just have to put some tools away and lock up. or an unassuming groundskeeper. Who leads a ladder just standing around?

And there's just, like, a random, like, really hot guy who she runs into, like, often quite literally, and they bump into each other. Watch your step there. Thank you. He might be a handsome woodworker. It's not very far. I'm just going to walk. You didn't let me walk with you. I just have to put some tools away and lock up. or an unassuming groundskeeper. Who leads a ladder just standing around?

Oh. And once they go in his house, even though he's like a 36 to 42-year-old single man, it's always aggressively decorated for Christmas. And here we are. Nick, this is beautiful. This must have taken you days. And as they embark on some kind of Christmas task together, whether it's solving the mystery of a missing ornament that will unlock a genealogical mystery for this woman's family.

Oh. And once they go in his house, even though he's like a 36 to 42-year-old single man, it's always aggressively decorated for Christmas. And here we are. Nick, this is beautiful. This must have taken you days. And as they embark on some kind of Christmas task together, whether it's solving the mystery of a missing ornament that will unlock a genealogical mystery for this woman's family.

This is grandma's tradition. It's an incredible gift she's given me. or they need to turn around a struggling music venue so that her parents can save it.

This is grandma's tradition. It's an incredible gift she's given me. or they need to turn around a struggling music venue so that her parents can save it.

They fall in love, but there's some impediment to their love. Usually it has something to do with the woman having to go back to the big city.

They fall in love, but there's some impediment to their love. Usually it has something to do with the woman having to go back to the big city.

She has to make a big decision as to whether she's going to return to her old life in her career or she's going to start her new life, which is based in this new relationship. She goes to the airport, she gets in the car, and then... Graham, turn the car around. You know, she asks the driver to turn the car around.

She has to make a big decision as to whether she's going to return to her old life in her career or she's going to start her new life, which is based in this new relationship. She goes to the airport, she gets in the car, and then... Graham, turn the car around. You know, she asks the driver to turn the car around.

And often the small town man presents her with a seasonally appropriate necklace.

And often the small town man presents her with a seasonally appropriate necklace.

And there's usually a scene where he puts the necklace on and maybe he'll adjust it on her collarbone or something. And then they fall in love.

And there's usually a scene where he puts the necklace on and maybe he'll adjust it on her collarbone or something. And then they fall in love.

Yeah, it's like the closest.

Yeah, it's like the closest.

It's the closest that they're going to come to like having sex in this movie. And she stays in Hallmark land forever, presumably. They kiss and then the movie's over. So we don't really know what happens after that.

It's the closest that they're going to come to like having sex in this movie. And she stays in Hallmark land forever, presumably. They kiss and then the movie's over. So we don't really know what happens after that.

There's something really satisfying about them hitting every single one of the beats every single time over and over again for hundreds and hundreds of movies. Like, there's very little variation, and it's kind of like completing a paint-by-numbers craft. I started to get really invested in like predicting when the next predictable plot point was going to happen.

There's something really satisfying about them hitting every single one of the beats every single time over and over again for hundreds and hundreds of movies. Like, there's very little variation, and it's kind of like completing a paint-by-numbers craft. I started to get really invested in like predicting when the next predictable plot point was going to happen.

And I think like at this point, if I watched a Hallmark Christmas movie and they went back to the man's house and it was not decorated for Christmas, I would be pissed. And I would be like, this woman needs to get out of there because he's a psycho. Like, she needs to leave right now. And so I think I just became so versed in the cliches of the world that, like, I began to find them comforting.

And I think like at this point, if I watched a Hallmark Christmas movie and they went back to the man's house and it was not decorated for Christmas, I would be pissed. And I would be like, this woman needs to get out of there because he's a psycho. Like, she needs to leave right now. And so I think I just became so versed in the cliches of the world that, like, I began to find them comforting.

I didn't want anything dramatic to happen. I didn't want anything surprising to happen or stressful. I was already feeling enough of that.

I didn't want anything dramatic to happen. I didn't want anything surprising to happen or stressful. I was already feeling enough of that.

Yeah. I wanted everything to be firmly predictable, and it was.

Yeah. I wanted everything to be firmly predictable, and it was.

Um... I think I've been beaten down enough by life at this point to be more open to sentimental things. I think when I first learned about these movies maybe 15 years ago, my career was my identity. I was not unlike one of these Hallmark heroines.

Um... I think I've been beaten down enough by life at this point to be more open to sentimental things. I think when I first learned about these movies maybe 15 years ago, my career was my identity. I was not unlike one of these Hallmark heroines.

Yeah, exactly. Now, like, I can see the appeal of, you know, moving to Christmastown, USA and giving it all up. But also I realized once I actually watched the movies that typically it's not that the woman just quits her job in order to do nothing and to be barefoot and pregnant with her new woodworking husband's baby. She is quitting her big city job for this idealized form of work that

Yeah, exactly. Now, like, I can see the appeal of, you know, moving to Christmastown, USA and giving it all up. But also I realized once I actually watched the movies that typically it's not that the woman just quits her job in order to do nothing and to be barefoot and pregnant with her new woodworking husband's baby. She is quitting her big city job for this idealized form of work that

That's inherently creative and meaningful. You know, she's running a candy cane shop or she's taking over a small town diner. And so she's still working, but she has a job that, you know.

That's inherently creative and meaningful. You know, she's running a candy cane shop or she's taking over a small town diner. And so she's still working, but she has a job that, you know.

Yeah.

Yeah.

A kind of job that maybe is less and less likely to exist.

A kind of job that maybe is less and less likely to exist.

Yeah, I mean, I definitely know now more than I did before that, like, work is not going to love you back. I don't think that means that necessarily a small-town air traffic controller is going to love you back or a small-town groundskeeper is going to love you back, but I'm more open to watching a movie where that is the case.

Yeah, I mean, I definitely know now more than I did before that, like, work is not going to love you back. I don't think that means that necessarily a small-town air traffic controller is going to love you back or a small-town groundskeeper is going to love you back, but I'm more open to watching a movie where that is the case.

I mean, it's also true that, like, when I first became aware of these movies, the actors seemed really old. But now I am old. And so they're usually a little bit younger than me now. And so I've definitely just aged into the category.

I mean, it's also true that, like, when I first became aware of these movies, the actors seemed really old. But now I am old. And so they're usually a little bit younger than me now. And so I've definitely just aged into the category.