Amy Griffin
speaker
222 appearances
2 recordings
2 series
first heard Mar 2025
last heard Mar 2025
Amy Griffin’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
It absolutely did. And I remember the next morning at breakfast, and I promise I'll answer your question. When the next morning at breakfast, my mother said to me, I have to say to you, you told me so much last night, but I don't remember any of it. And I said, but that's just it. That's the whole point of this, is that it's too hard to hold.
My best friend always says, make sure you let everyone tell their own story, like their part of the story. And that was one of the things I realized in going to tell my family. And it was the hardest part too. I had to say to them, I'm going to tell you something, but also I can't hold it for you. So I can't then come and mourn and grieve it with you. You have to mourn and grieve it.
And then we can grieve in the relationship together. And that's part of the separation that I think that happens with the abuse. And so when I said, I don't know how I'm going to tell my parents this, this is the hardest thing I can ever tell my parents. And I thought that would be the worst day of my life.
But my dad turned to me and he said, after all of it, just stoic like, and I think you all read it, but I love saying the line. We might have missed the first part of your life in this way, but we're not going to miss the second half. I love that. I love that. And what I would say about your daughters is my children are right about the same age.
And I would say that the word vulnerability comes to me and comes to mind in this idea that as parents, we think we have to be this authoritative figure, but really it's breaking down those yes sirs, yes ma'ams, that obedience piece of parenting to just have those honest conversations with your children about vulnerability and giving them agency.
So that they know in those moments when something, they have a flicker in their brain that's not right, that they can come tell you.
Oh gosh. Thank you. Well, to simplify my relationship with John is to say he puts his hand on my back and he just knows. There's a part about the book where I talk about long no and short yes. Oh, I love that part. I meant to bring that up. Long no, short yes in making decision-making. And this is, it's John's phrase, so I'm actually stealing it.
But, and with us, and I write about this, there's not a long no of dating and then, okay, I guess we should get married. It was instantaneous decision-making.
And I feel like I am so grateful that in this world that I've been given John, because through this relationship that we've built over so many years, I truly believe that was maybe one of the only reasons I was able to come around in this lifetime to be able to say what happened to me.
And so I think instinct, though, and leaning into instinct is something that's so important, even in just finding that right partner. Thank you.
It's definitely changed. I think John could tell you better, but I'm going to say, you know, I've asked the people in my life. I think that there's more stillness. I can't run anymore, which is all for the better. But there are things that, you know, I've slowed down to recognize when I do something, I can understand why I do the things I do, why I am the way that I am.
And I think it gives more of me. There's more of me for my relationships and my friendships and my parenting.
They never questioned. And I think the most important part about this book and in writing this book, that was when I wrote this book, I never knew that anyone would ever read this book. I never had an inkling that it would see the light of day. I wrote this book in my closet, on the bathroom floor, for myself.
And I could say that in the early part of the writing, as it all unfolds, and with trauma like this, I'm sure you probably agree, it unfolds in layers in a way much like a book, like a chapter. And my book is not about just what happened to me. It's not the story of what actually happened to me. It's the processing of it.
It's the telling of all the people in my life, which were in many ways more difficult than experiencing the trauma for myself to have to go in and be honest with each person in my life. And to recognize that every time you go to tell someone, they may be in a very different place than where you are. So in the cultivating of relationships... I talk about You know, my life is this tapestry.
And I have taken what was a tragedy and turned it into this tapestry of relationships for which I'm immensely grateful. But in each one of those relationships, as I was building this quilt, I had to go and pull those threads and tell people what had gone on. And that was a real blessing.
Well, practically... I listened to Fortnite by Taylor Swift on repeat a thousand times. Anything by Taylor Swift. And then I will say also, movement is still really important for me. But it's slow, it's gentle. It's maybe back to what that therapist, that physical therapist said to me, why do you move so fast? And so now in this recognition, there is movement. There are lots of hot baths.
I think that everything that I come up with creatively comes from being in the bathtub when the water is running and my brain is sort of- Me too. Really? Yes. So when the bathtub gets filled, I even open it up a little bit and let the water keep running. Yes. And it's like it opens up that valve of creativity for me.
Go sit in the tub, run some water. It's true. My mom would either say, go take a bath, or could you please go for a run? Because my mom knows me so well. And so I would say that. But I would also say that when there are those everyday triggers, that instead of going, why did I do that? I go tell someone.
and i share it and it's not as scary once i go and i tell someone and then i can see in their eyes you know they can they can hold it for me and and that's how i've that's how i've coped thank you happy birthday shannon my question as i was reading through the book is what is something that you gained that you did not expect from writing the book hmm good shannon What did you gain?
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