Andrew Hawkins

of self-sabotage in all of us, right? It's just magnified, I think, in some of us.

of self-sabotage in all of us, right? It's just magnified, I think, in some of us.

Oh, wow, what a great question. Well, if I had to pick one concept that was specific but touched the three, four, or five biggest things that are guideposts for me, it's very hard to pick. We don't look at one star and say I'm going to navigate towards that. Stars are too far away. We need to have a cluster of stars. It's a grouping thing. I have, I think it's learning to be the dog.

Oh, wow, what a great question. Well, if I had to pick one concept that was specific but touched the three, four, or five biggest things that are guideposts for me, it's very hard to pick. We don't look at one star and say I'm going to navigate towards that. Stars are too far away. We need to have a cluster of stars. It's a grouping thing. I have, I think it's learning to be the dog.

My goal in life, every day when I get up is more and more to try to be the dog. The dog is pure empathy, pure empathy. I mean, even Hitler had a dog. Think of the worst person you know, they have a dog. That person comes home, they sit on the couch, the dog jumps up in their lap and puts their head down and is just with that person. That's what dogs are, they're pure empathy.

My goal in life, every day when I get up is more and more to try to be the dog. The dog is pure empathy, pure empathy. I mean, even Hitler had a dog. Think of the worst person you know, they have a dog. That person comes home, they sit on the couch, the dog jumps up in their lap and puts their head down and is just with that person. That's what dogs are, they're pure empathy.

And I have learned that I don't have to fix your problems. I don't have to judge you. I don't have to do anything in life, but just be with you. And if I am really just with you, I mean, there's that beautiful moment in the, in the movie big night and you know, Stanley Tucci and Tony Shalhoub are in that kitchen, and Tony Shalhoub just makes scrambled eggs for them.

And I have learned that I don't have to fix your problems. I don't have to judge you. I don't have to do anything in life, but just be with you. And if I am really just with you, I mean, there's that beautiful moment in the, in the movie big night and you know, Stanley Tucci and Tony Shalhoub are in that kitchen, and Tony Shalhoub just makes scrambled eggs for them.

All their plans have gone awry. They're gonna lose everything, but you kind of are left with the feeling that they won't. They're gonna figure a way out of this. Because they're finally just with each other. The movie ends with the two of them in silence eating scrambled eggs and and toast. Right. In that movie. And there is an element of of of being the dog there that is so beautiful.

All their plans have gone awry. They're gonna lose everything, but you kind of are left with the feeling that they won't. They're gonna figure a way out of this. Because they're finally just with each other. The movie ends with the two of them in silence eating scrambled eggs and and toast. Right. In that movie. And there is an element of of of being the dog there that is so beautiful.

And in that piece of film sort of. everything that I'm talking about. But if you can just be the dog with someone, uh, you have incredible access and incredible ways to touch each other in relationship. And I, I've got a really short example for you. Um, You're in a relationship. Your significant other that you live with comes home, walks in the door hot.

And in that piece of film sort of. everything that I'm talking about. But if you can just be the dog with someone, uh, you have incredible access and incredible ways to touch each other in relationship. And I, I've got a really short example for you. Um, You're in a relationship. Your significant other that you live with comes home, walks in the door hot.

I mean, red hot, anger, swearing, slamming doors, throwing bags. I lost my phone. The dog ran away. I think I'm going to get fired. My new boss is a jerk. There's a lot happening. There's a lot happening. And I turn to that person and I say, well, did you... Ask the security guard at work if they found your phone. And the security's like, you know, up yours. I'm an adult.

I mean, red hot, anger, swearing, slamming doors, throwing bags. I lost my phone. The dog ran away. I think I'm going to get fired. My new boss is a jerk. There's a lot happening. There's a lot happening. And I turn to that person and I say, well, did you... Ask the security guard at work if they found your phone. And the security's like, you know, up yours. I'm an adult.

I don't need you to solve my problem. Of course I talked to the security guard. I'm just venting. I need my best friend, you know. Right. Screw you. You are not connecting as human beings. If that person comes in and does the same thing and I say, sit down and I go into the kitchen and I get a glass of water and I turn to them, I said, that sounds awful. What else happened?

I don't need you to solve my problem. Of course I talked to the security guard. I'm just venting. I need my best friend, you know. Right. Screw you. You are not connecting as human beings. If that person comes in and does the same thing and I say, sit down and I go into the kitchen and I get a glass of water and I turn to them, I said, that sounds awful. What else happened?

And I just let them like, oh, well, better than I talked to security. I did this, did that. And it's like, you know, thank you for listening. Thank you for just being there for me. We we see examples in space for it all the time to be the dog. We just don't we want to you know, I call it operationalizing before co-regulating. You have to co-regulate with someone first and then operationalize.

And I just let them like, oh, well, better than I talked to security. I did this, did that. And it's like, you know, thank you for listening. Thank you for just being there for me. We we see examples in space for it all the time to be the dog. We just don't we want to you know, I call it operationalizing before co-regulating. You have to co-regulate with someone first and then operationalize.

If I tell you what to do before we're co-regulated, my advice is meaningless.

If I tell you what to do before we're co-regulated, my advice is meaningless.