Andrew Muscarella

And I don't even think they're evil. And it's like, it really is horrible.

I'm like, honestly, I met him at the bar and like, he would just like disappear every 15 minutes. And like, then I would just find him kissing somebody else. And then like, I'd be like, fine with it. Then you come right back to me.

No. I'm definitely, I would say I teeter on indecisive, but I'm decisive when it comes to food.

Yeah. I know what I want.

Dream food on the date. I like an Italian. Well, I'm Italian. So I like an Italian restaurant.

I like twirl my little fork for you. You know what I mean? And we'll see how it goes. But I feel like I'm not normally going to dinner for a date. It's normally like let's grab a drink or let's get coffee. It's like so New York style.

Yeah. No, I will say, I think that one time we might've messaged you when you came on our pod too, but you had Bob the drag queen on and you mentioned us and you were like these two, these two faggots from, from New Jersey, Jersey. People were tagging us, being like, New Jersey boys.

Bring it back to American Idol whenever you need.

It's like, you can pick them out of the group. You know what I mean? Like, you know what they're going to look like, you know how they're going to be. And yeah, I'm, I'm trying to steer away from it. It's been a while though. But I'm always finding myself in a bad situation.

I am. You really are. I really am. You really, really are. Thank you so much.

Our parents are like, what do you do? I'm like, I'm a podcaster. Like, what's that? I'm like, cool.

And you can't repeat the outfits. I get stressed. Yeah. Your face needs to be moving all over the place. People want to stay engaged, you know?

On the gay apps. I mean, like I get noticed here and there that, that freaks me out. I'm like, especially when it's like, Oh, you're going to get killed. No, you always, Joe has always said that. That's scary. Yeah. That's scary. But I'm like, you know, you, you're on an app. You're like, I'm just trying to get it right now.

No, I got to delete those. I ebb and flow with deleting. But the like Hinge and Tinder, I'm trying to get away from them. I'm trying to meet somebody organically. In Wisconsin?

What about grad degree?

Yeah, I would love somebody with a grad degree. Higher ed.

Smart men are the move. Yeah. Yeah. We could do that. I could do that. I'm actually willing to settle in Wisconsin. for sure.

Settle down. Settle down. Okay. Oh no, not, not settle for people in the state of Wisconsin. I'm obsessed with Wisconsin. It's amazing. Like I love cheese, but I do believe that I would settle down with somebody in Wisconsin. We could just do it virtually. Right. The podcast. Yeah, that's fine. Okay, cool.

We said, yeah. And I turned to Joe and I was like, are you sick about this? Yeah, in front of you. That was a crazy moment to me. Because we have anxiety. Sometimes we're like, we want to infringe on spaces. But you know that I'm the queen of like, come over and I'll tell you when to leave the moment I'm sick of it.

And that was the perfect amount of time. Like, we were swimming in that pool for like an hour. And then we were out.

It was, it was really a glorious day. And I think we were like, our spray tab was coming off almost. I'm sure. Yeah. I'm sure.

Oh yeah. Absolutely. Cause we're dripping.

David was watching the Marilyn Monroe docs or whatever.

Yeah.

What's the theme today? But I think that we're getting to a place though, that it doesn't matter as much.

Girl, Tina. We run it all. Wow.

Do you use your socials anymore?

I understand. Yeah. But that's what people want. I feel like you want to know that the person is also doing the socials. I can't even tell you. I'm like messaging people back. I love it.

It's fun.

Like we will really do it in a heartbeat. All of a sudden we're like, oh, so we do have a gay following. It's like Michael, James, Patrick, everyone starts following the Patreon because they think we're naked. Not on a day-to-day basis. No, not a lot of people are trying to fuck us. Do you guys really take the clothes off on the Patreon?

And like you rap and like, you just like go on with your day.

Like pretend like nothing just happened.

There was one, I would say there was a Kelly Clarkson bit. Yeah, that went viral saying like the last time that America was fully unified was Kelly Clarkson. And then it took off and then people wanted to listen to us.

Anytime you see us, when I was pulling into the parking lot, I was having a nervous breakdown. Shut up! Joe was like, you need to turn around. I just kept going as far away as possible. I just kept driving past you.

Well, you were saying you can't meet your favorite celebrities or somebody that you think is so famous. Like I actually do think I would shut down if I was in the same room as RuPaul.

Yes.

Yeah. What about you? Who would chill you to the core? I think it's just because we talked about her lore for so long as Kiki Palmer. I'm obsessed with Kiki Palmer in a crazy way. So I feel like the conversation would be amazing. I think she'd break the ice pretty quick.

I don't know how to beat my face. That's the one thing I need to learn how to do makeup. Because I do think I would do drag.

No.

I feel like I... Comedy pods, sometimes I don't listen to as much. I feel like I wanna get away from like what we do sometimes, but I do occasionally listen to a Just Trish or- Sloppy Seconds.

Love Meatball. Love Obsessed. But yeah, we really just, even when we started the podcast, we'd never listened to a podcast before we started. That was real delusion.

And I get yelled at every single week that I don't have storage.

So I just delete everything that ever existed on my phone. Yeah. Crazy person.

But you always, what's funny is that you guys always like give it a name that day.

I choke every single time I do it. That's what they like. Sometimes like to just watch me do it to laugh. It's like a great, but no, I'm so happy. I never got into vaping. I mean, it's stupid.

Vaping. A vape culture. I've done like weed vapes before, but I'm also off the weed train. You are? Did you guys quit weed? I did recently. What happened? I was getting to a point where I, I'm an anxious person. I don't know if you knew that, but I'm an anxious person. So when I would like get high, it was supposed to calm people down and I would just like spiral in my head.

So I was like, why am I actually doing this? And then I would do like, I would do it at like 7 PM before I went to sleep. But then I would just like go down in the basement, the basement. go down into my room, which is in the basement. I feel like I'm Cinderella, but I go down in the basement. Freddy Krueger. And I sit there by myself and I'm like, why am I not being social right now?

It just would make me less social.

And I never know how much I'm supposed to be taking. We've had some crazy, well, edible stories.

Oh my God. Yeah. Can you imagine the headlines the next day? It's like Trixie Mattel stands up at Wicked. Was it on Broadway?

What would I say? Did you guys ever do plays? Were you theater people? No. So that was one thing for us is like we're repressed theater gays. We just never did theater. And it's something that we regret deeply.

And you're, and you're a straight person that loves greatest showman. So that sucks. Straight people. What's going on there in general? Like what's going on there? I feel like you've been on the record saying that you'd never want to be near a straight person. No, no, no, no, No, no, no.

Dolly Parton at the Superbowl. Yeah.

So I came out pretty late. I came out at 23.

I came out 23 times. No one believed me. Everyone was like, you're gay, you're gay. No, it took me until I was 23. But once I turned 23... Wasn't it four years ago?

Yeah, it was. Is that four years ago?

That's so fierce. But it was going into 2020 and I was like, oh my God, obviously 2020, like clear vision.

I had a comb over. My whole life I had a comb over. Are you bald? No, but like, I mean, like I would take my hair and I would brush it to the side. Like I was a father of four. Okay. And like, yeah, it was like taking my kids to soccer and it was just like wavy. And then I, one day just started to curl my hair. But once I came out, it was 2020.

Then we're in the pandemic and I'm like, what the fuck do I do? Like I'm gay.

So what, what do gay people do? Yeah. Watch drag race. Watch drag race. So I binged the entire thing that and queer eye. Cause I thought that was the two things.

But I didn't have, I was like, again, I was isolated. I was alone and I wasn't telling people I was doing all of these things. And I was just, just, it was like drag race, queer eye, drag race, queer eye. And then I left the pandemic. I was, I was one. This is me.

It's not true. We were driving past a lot. I was like, oh, this is going to be really hard for you to hear, but I'm not going to be with you on Thursday.

And I think that at the beginning of the pod, that's what really worked because we would do the clips and post it on TikTok and we would finish each other's sentences and we would land on the same like, oh, Kelly Clarkson. And people were like, oh my God, did you stage that? And we were like, no.

I would. Like deeply closeted. Do you think I would be like George Santos?

I wanted them to be like, yeah, that's okay.

That's okay to say. Yeah.

She was our congressman. Yeah. Like in New York, Long Island, like our district. There were signs everywhere at the time.

Like I would have been George Santos. That's so scary. What are they up to? doing interviews no longer. I think that, I think things are looking worse for him. Yeah. Because I feel like afterwards he was like, I'm going to be a celebrity.

I mean, like, fuck the straight guys in Brooklyn. I don't know.

I love it. And I'm like, every single time I'm here, I feel like I, yeah, it's only a matter of time. We've talked about it though, because you don't, right? I, yeah.

Do you think I should move here? Is it a good place? Do you like being here?

As opposed to New York? Do you like visiting New York? Not at all. Okay.

Yeah.

I think it's just because I'm from New York. Like I like, I want something different, you know, and this feels a little bit different. I feel more relaxed here, honestly. And I like to drive. So that's the thing. Yeah.

Yeah, it's horrible.

I think it's a very Long Island, Italian, like growing up in that household. Your mom is always stressed and anxious forever. You're always like late to something. Then there's like extra stress on top of it.

He was laid out the day of the show. I was like, Joe, what do you mean? We have a show tonight. It's our first live show ever. Please don't tell him that.

But then right when you hit the stage and then people are clapping, then you're like, okay, we got this. They want to see you win. You know? So that's what we kept saying, like throughout the entire pod, the live shows, whatever, like people want to see you win. So they're not like coming in there being like, oh, that fucking sucks.

I'll say you want to go. Listen, the production of the show, amazing. You know, the technical thing's amazing, but I think everything else was, it missed me.

I don't think so.

Yeah. You can follow us across all social media platforms at Good Children Pod.

And I'm sitting next to her like, like, are you good? You're like consoling. That's horrible.

This was truly a dream come true. Of course.

Bye. Bye.

When you came on our podcast, we were like, we didn't know if you were going to show up like very happy or with a cease and desist because we... You think we have a patent on friendship?

true the difference is you guys are real friends and katya can't even show up to our pod today you're right that's the difference you're right um no but we like we truly like watched you guys from the very beginning and then we were delusional enough to say we're gonna start a podcast and the rest is history but we've been best friends since four years old so that's what it is yeah

It's by month and a year in the archive. It's like 200,000 videos and pictures. It's really sick. We haven't even breached the surface of putting things out there. It's wild. But every single time I would go over to Joe's house, he would be like, we're filming today. Get to work. Get to work. And then he would direct me and I'd be like, okay, this is amazing.

And they were doing well. I wish we did stay with it because it would have like taken us somewhere, but then we just got nervous and like we're getting bullied. The gay crept in.

And even our parents, they were like, when we came out, they were like shocked.

you were so athletic you wanted the drama to happen right you were so butch yeah and you did football right i well we both did football for a second i played football i played the cross was my main thing like i call it did football did football yeah because we did we did it yeah no and then i broke my wrist in eighth grade playing football and that was the best day of my entire life i'm being serious i was like free i was free i was my parents thought i was gonna be in the nfl can you imagine what would i play

What would that be?

Throw me around, please.

No, I'm like, of course my wrist snap. It was so limp. Yeah. And I was backpedaling and I fell and I was like, fuck yeah.

Oh, it was.

These moms, these 30 year old girls, they are making things with crickets.

Because she came out like, again, the air left the room. It was a grand entrance, I would say. You didn't tell me this was happening.

Yeah, it was so scary. Were you saving the number? We didn't pick up. We didn't pick up. No, we didn't pick up.

Oh yeah. And they were justified. We were like, no, like Trixie didn't mean to like call, right?

We're doing a little tester Midwest tour. Have you guys been to the Midwest before?

What are you going to wear?

We always open and end with a song. We always say we just don't shut up. Right. But we were like, what songs are we going to sing this time? Do we just go like full country and make it funny? It seems like you hate the idea.