Anthony Walton

Howdy. I don't have any kids, so to make sure that happens, I like to practice extra safe sex. That's when I pull out and come in a dude. That was just a joke. To any gays in the audience, sorry for the stolen valor. My parents had me at an old age where the doctor told my mom that she should get an abortion because I was going to come out blind, deaf, and retarded. His words.

Instead, I came out half blind, half deaf, and I'm pretty sure I'm autistic. I can't afford the test, so I'm taking everyone else's word for it. Hell yeah. I got called out recently by my cousin. He was like, man, you cry harder over celebrity deaths than you do for grandma. And I was like, well, did grandma put out seven platinum albums? I don't think so. Grandma just called me gay.

Yeah, it was pretty fun. It was great.

Seven years. Wow. And thanks to you, man.

You're the first headliner I saw at, like, 2019 at Dallas Hyenas.

And he gave me, like, the best advice when I asked, like, I wanted to start stand-up comedy. And they were just like, just go out and do a mic. Just go do it. And that's the advice I give, like, everyone else who does that.

No, I moved down here in May.

The fucking comedy scene, man. It's fucking beautiful. I love it.

Doing this, doing the open mic in the small room. But like... The homeless are pretty crazy out here, too.

No, some lady taking a shit in the street, but I guess that's normal.

Oh, man. I love going to concerts and wrestling shows. Okay. You've done that recently here? Yeah. There was a metal show I went to called Animals as Leaders.

Oh, man, I try to, like, I play decent guitar, and I try to do, like, metal vocals. Like, I wanted to be a vocalist.

Awesome.