Antonio Pascual-Leone

You know, and he's angry and you can hear that, but he's also really hurt.

The fact that she can't answer, you know, people are often feeling like they need to have a conversation or finish somehow to get closure.

But there are ways to do that that don't really involve the other person.

Well, I mean, of course, it's about the other person in the sense that I've had an interaction with the other person.

But it means something to me.

And the unfinished business I have is my own.

You can't change the historical facts.

But you can change quite a lot.

What you feel about it, when you think about it, you can change what it means.

And even some of the details of what you remember.

Memory is actually very dynamic and more dynamic than what people tend to believe.

In the end, exactly what happened or what was said matters less than what it means and what I'm going to do with it, right?

In working with victims of trauma or complex trauma, sometimes the other person isn't, like in this clip, you know, a partner or an ex-partner, right?

who's unconscious in a hospital bed, but was actually a perpetrator of abuse.

That kind of person is not a person usually that one can have a conversation with.

They're not going to acknowledge the abuse.

So clients will say things like, I've told them and they deny it.

And it's sort of like, yeah, yeah, they...

I agree.

That's not a conversation you can actually have with them because they always deny it or dismiss it or shut you down.