Ari Shaffir

I know why they want it. The nut's great. Yeah, but it's also great outside of it. It's less great. Is it? What do you mean, is it?

Well, this is a facade, buddy. Just get what you need to get. None of this is real. We never said we had done it. No, but I mean this. All this is like a fucking, you're just like buying time so you can get a cream pie. This is all just because you've never cream pied. Really? You've got a nut inside, buddy. What do you mean you've never done it?

Well, this is a facade, buddy. Just get what you need to get. None of this is real. We never said we had done it. No, but I mean this. All this is like a fucking, you're just like buying time so you can get a cream pie. This is all just because you've never cream pied. Really? You've got a nut inside, buddy. What do you mean you've never done it?

Well, this is a facade, buddy. Just get what you need to get. None of this is real. We never said we had done it. No, but I mean this. All this is like a fucking, you're just like buying time so you can get a cream pie. This is all just because you've never cream pied. Really? You've got a nut inside, buddy. What do you mean you've never done it?

What do you mean you've never cream pied inside of a woman? I've never had it in my life. I swear to God. You fucked though?

What do you mean you've never cream pied inside of a woman? I've never had it in my life. I swear to God. You fucked though?

What do you mean you've never cream pied inside of a woman? I've never had it in my life. I swear to God. You fucked though?

You know how many chicks I fucked that said they couldn't get pregnant, that I later found out got pregnant from somebody? Really? And I was like, wait, you said... I was blowing loads in you. And they're like, oh, I thought I couldn't. Based on what?

You know how many chicks I fucked that said they couldn't get pregnant, that I later found out got pregnant from somebody? Really? And I was like, wait, you said... I was blowing loads in you. And they're like, oh, I thought I couldn't. Based on what?

You know how many chicks I fucked that said they couldn't get pregnant, that I later found out got pregnant from somebody? Really? And I was like, wait, you said... I was blowing loads in you. And they're like, oh, I thought I couldn't. Based on what?

Just coating the walls. I was a salad for some other guy's steak. Yeah, I've never done that in my life, man. Well, let me recommend something to you.

Just coating the walls. I was a salad for some other guy's steak. Yeah, I've never done that in my life, man. Well, let me recommend something to you.

Just coating the walls. I was a salad for some other guy's steak. Yeah, I've never done that in my life, man. Well, let me recommend something to you.

The last of the Golden Girls died. It's too late for that. Estelle Getty? No. Maybe. Estelle Getty Museum? What was her name?

The last of the Golden Girls died. It's too late for that. Estelle Getty? No. Maybe. Estelle Getty Museum? What was her name?

The last of the Golden Girls died. It's too late for that. Estelle Getty? No. Maybe. Estelle Getty Museum? What was her name?

God. What a great series. Hot take. Golden Girls is just sex in the city. Hmm. They're both written by gay men about gay culture. And this one they made old women play it. And the other one they made fucking horse-faced chicks play it.

God. What a great series. Hot take. Golden Girls is just sex in the city. Hmm. They're both written by gay men about gay culture. And this one they made old women play it. And the other one they made fucking horse-faced chicks play it.

God. What a great series. Hot take. Golden Girls is just sex in the city. Hmm. They're both written by gay men about gay culture. And this one they made old women play it. And the other one they made fucking horse-faced chicks play it.

Or that it will be hacked, you know, that they'll be able to hack the genetics. If you were a scientist working on the cure for gay and you were like halfway there, you lost a lot of funding recently.