Ashley Boyson

He would come home sometimes and I could smell it. And that was some of the demons that I was afraid to move back to Boise because he had struggled with that when he lived here before.

He would come home sometimes and I could smell it. And that was some of the demons that I was afraid to move back to Boise because he had struggled with that when he lived here before.

I don't know if I didn't want to face the truth or if I just felt safer living in cognitive dissonance. I don't know, but there was always something inside of me pointing me in the direction that I knew something was wrong. I tried to find evidence of something wrong or some other woman or something. It was always a dead end, except for the pit in my stomach. It just wouldn't stop.

I don't know if I didn't want to face the truth or if I just felt safer living in cognitive dissonance. I don't know, but there was always something inside of me pointing me in the direction that I knew something was wrong. I tried to find evidence of something wrong or some other woman or something. It was always a dead end, except for the pit in my stomach. It just wouldn't stop.

I remember that morning waking up and it had been months of me starting to dig like in a way that a full-time mom with five little kids can. I remember waking up though and I'm like, I'm not going to go through his truck while he's in the shower. I'm not going to try to get in his phone. That has proved to not work. I'm going to find an answer and I don't care what it is.

I remember that morning waking up and it had been months of me starting to dig like in a way that a full-time mom with five little kids can. I remember waking up though and I'm like, I'm not going to go through his truck while he's in the shower. I'm not going to try to get in his phone. That has proved to not work. I'm going to find an answer and I don't care what it is.

I'd gone to like a marriage therapist and asked him for help. I'd gone to someone at church and asked him for help. And I'm like, I got this. And I remember kneeling down by my bed going, Heavenly Father, I just need one answer. Tell me what's going on and I will fix it. I'm a woman. I'm strong. I can face it. I'm ready. Just help me figure out what it is.

I'd gone to like a marriage therapist and asked him for help. I'd gone to someone at church and asked him for help. And I'm like, I got this. And I remember kneeling down by my bed going, Heavenly Father, I just need one answer. Tell me what's going on and I will fix it. I'm a woman. I'm strong. I can face it. I'm ready. Just help me figure out what it is.

At one point, I said, you know, lately, when you don't want to be intimate with me, I feel like either I'm not doing it for you or someone else is. And he was silent.

At one point, I said, you know, lately, when you don't want to be intimate with me, I feel like either I'm not doing it for you or someone else is. And he was silent.

As a lawyer, Emmett was really good at his words. And so when his actions didn't match the words, I doubted me before I doubted his words. It was just like, I have anxiety because I'm not trusting. Like my parents got divorced. Maybe I'm not a trusting person because of this or this or my past. And I would just always turn it inward.

As a lawyer, Emmett was really good at his words. And so when his actions didn't match the words, I doubted me before I doubted his words. It was just like, I have anxiety because I'm not trusting. Like my parents got divorced. Maybe I'm not a trusting person because of this or this or my past. And I would just always turn it inward.

But the fear sometimes of knowing the truth keeps you from even wanting to look at it.

But the fear sometimes of knowing the truth keeps you from even wanting to look at it.

By the time he got off the phone, I had put the babies to bed and just kind of was waiting for him to come out. And I was hoping we were going to have this night where we just fought for each other. You know, you get those images of what this night could be. I had this grand idea that he was going to talk to him and his heart was going to be softened and he was going to come and open up to me.

By the time he got off the phone, I had put the babies to bed and just kind of was waiting for him to come out. And I was hoping we were going to have this night where we just fought for each other. You know, you get those images of what this night could be. I had this grand idea that he was going to talk to him and his heart was going to be softened and he was going to come and open up to me.

and we were gonna face it head on together.

and we were gonna face it head on together.

He looks at me and he goes, I'm gonna run to Walgreens real quick. I haven't been feeling really good. I have scratchy throat. I need to get some medicine. And like that feeling of anxiety and chaos that I felt, it was like 400 times stronger. And I just got this like pit in my stomach. I'm like, Emmett, please don't go.

He looks at me and he goes, I'm gonna run to Walgreens real quick. I haven't been feeling really good. I have scratchy throat. I need to get some medicine. And like that feeling of anxiety and chaos that I felt, it was like 400 times stronger. And I just got this like pit in my stomach. I'm like, Emmett, please don't go.