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They're going to see this in reverse because they'll see the hard feelings first. Sure. It's like a Tarantino film. It's black and white. I'm doing H. Shout out to the motherfucking homies, baby. We love you. Thank you so much for all the frigging support. Yes. Shout out to you. We love you. And gang, put your thinking caps on because today we're doing a little AYG.
So here's the thing. It's me versus Foley. He's going to say it. There's going to be no cheating. All right. All right. It's not Battleship. Take it easy. We're going to write down our answers. We're going to lock the pens down, answers locked.
Oh, you piece of shit. H-E-N-R-Y. Narcissistic.
I got N-A-R-S-C-I-S-C-I-T-I-C. Narcissistic.
Huh. That's pretty good.
All right, so. That was all right. Fuck. All right. All right.
Are they all going to be related to our personalities? Next one's fat.
Bag this.
There's no word in the English dictionary that has three Ps. I-P-P-P-I.
Kippy one, bullies. Why? You should have just rolled with it. I thought I had it right at the PPI. M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-P. No, you're in a rhythm, and it's not the right rhythm.
What?
You are as dumb as the day is long.
Yeah. Pussy. Take that. Spell traitor. Spell turncoat. Spell bad friend. That's not nice. You're telling me. What are you talking about, traitor? All you got. Well, let's just, we'll do a brief discussion of it while you just drop it on us fucking two seconds ago. I didn't drop anything on anybody. Did you know that? We were talking about what to wear for the wedding.
I'm ready.
H-A-L.
Bully's out.
Huh. I would. Flabbergasted.
Flabber.
Left me nauseous.
Gasted. I think I got it. Flab-er-gasted. Flab-er-gasted. Flab-er-gasted.
D-E-D. No word ends in D-I-D. Don't give me that fucking great school shit. Splendid.
I did burger. Flabburger. I thought you were sending me B-U. He's like, Burgasted. I thought it was B-U-G.
But you fucked me on the end.
Luke's reaction kind of jarred me a little bit more. Maybe I did know this and I don't remember. What am I, fucking Amish? I'm not going to have a best man? Am I cruising up there?
I have an LLC. Facts. That files as a corporation or something like that. Ready? I got it. I'll do it. All right.
Yep. K. C-H-R.
Right? P-O-R-A-T-I-O-N. Nice job.
I got to have five.
I'm losing. E-N-T-R-E-P. What? Yeah. No.
Entreprenuer. Entrepreneur. Yeah, there's no E. It's E-N-T-R-E-P-R-E-N-U-R.
N-U-R? Is it N-U-R?
N-U-R? There's no A's. Entrepreneur. I have E-N-T. Yep. Okay, ready? So if you want to know how to not spell this word. Hey, guys, write this down out there.
No, we should start juicing the fucking numbers. All right, so I just run away with this thing? No. Fucking do double or there's nothing. Put my watch up. I got my watch on the table. Put some nickel up. Put the pig slips up. Take that nickel-plated sissy pistol out of your purse. All right, all right.
What's the lifeline situation? Can I call a friend? Who are you going to call? Patty. You get one call to Patty. Oh, fuck. That's pretty good. She's dumber than dirt. She don't read too good.
Okay. Tommy C. But he can't look it up. Sure. I call them. I know who I could call. Who? She'd smoke you. Who? The bird. Sure. I mean, it's like. I mean, yeah, we're not calling someone who's good at this. It's crazy how good she is at it. It's crazy. I hit her with anything.
It's all family. It's family. I'm not family. When you're here, you're family. The 15th of the month. You're my dada. Daddy Warbler. Mama and dada. I just didn't know. Hold on, hold on. We were talking about what we're going to wear for the wedding, and Foley, you know, I've poked some fun. Where do I fit into this ceremony?
She don't know that one. All right, hold on.
What that pussy do? It be matriculating.
Oh, hold on. So I get to say whether I want to... Yeah. I just want to do this one straight. Okay.
I'm going to sit out for a couple of hands. But you got a break coming up or something? Matriculate.
Also here, I have a thing for you. You can. I got it. I got it. I got it. Okay, go. All right. Matriculate. M, capital M. Lowercase.
M-A-T-R-I-C-U-L-T-E. U-L-A-T-E. Thank God.
Yeah, I got it. Fuck, I should have went on that one. Could have bet the house.
I'll try Patty first. No, I'll try Tommy first. No, try Patty. This is a comedy program. I don't need some fucking poindexter getting it right. But she's going to ham it up too much. And I'm going to look like a dickhead because I hang up on her. That's part of it. Start screaming at her.
Ask her to define it. Hello, dear. I heard you were a little under the weather.
Hi, Kevin.
Hey, dear. How are you? All right. Hi, darling. How are you? What table are you sitting at at the wedding?
The one next to you.
Yeah. See, there you go.
Arachnophobia. Arachnophobia, like fear of spiders.
You want to know how to spell it? What? You want to know how to spell it?
What? Arachnophobia.
So do you want to know how to spell it? I want to know how to spell it. Wait a minute.
It's A-R-A-T-O-P-H-I-B-A.
Embarrassing me in front of my friends. You can't do that. He's cheating. No cheating, Patty.
Are you fucking with me? Arachnophobia. A-R-A-C-K. Hang on. A-R-A-C-K. K. And then phobia.
See you, Patty. How much money is on the line?
I call you, ask me to spell the word. You think I'm asking you? Start typing. The whole family full of cheaters.
Well, my Google didn't come up.
She's screaming at the microwave. I love you.
Well, goodbye, dear. I hope you're feeling better, and tell the boys I said hello.
I will. Love you, Patty. Love you, Patty. See you soon. Bye. Bye-bye. A little flirty on the outcaller. All right, hold on. Call me, babe.
That's a funny way. It just doesn't work out in the program. You know what I mean? I'm just saying, we're sitting here talking about what we're going to wear, and Foley pulls up a picture and goes, this is what the groomsmen are wearing. And Luke went, what the fuck? I didn't know there was groomsmen set up. To me, this was always spun as a low-key kind of way. Like, oh, we're just going up there.
All right, babe. I'll see you in Honolulu there, babe. Keep your Peter dry, bud. All right, hold on. That was useless. That was a fucking... That was like a who's on first. She's going, you want me to spell it? You're like, yeah, I'm going to goddamn spell it, B-Lady. Arachnophobia. Okay. You're not going to get this. I got it. How do you know? I remember the first time I ever saw arachnophobia.
Scared the bejesus out of me. Watched it at school. Can I spell John Goodman instead? All right. I think arach... Do you want me to take this one? No. Let me see if I can get it. There you go.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure is not a nine in there. And then phobia. P-H-O-B-I-A.
Yeah.
Man, the whole family. Thick as thieves. Dumb as doornails. Who's at the door? Yellow at the microwave.
What's his name?
Arachna. She was doing arachnophobia. Arachnophobia. I had a bad case of that one time. I caught it down there.
Pantslays and dominoes.
What does that mean? It's what they do in elections.
Gerrymander? I went to school with Gerrymander.
Jerry Seinfeld. G-E-R-R-Y. Yep. M-A-N-D-E-R. Got it. I got it, too, though. Fuck. Nine to four. Nine to four.
What do you think, I got a fucking Elvis impersonator up there? Hey, Hank. Anybody got anything to say? Okay. I just, I was a little taken aback.
I'm dying.
Yes, you know I like to be VIP. They got me sitting in coach with the fucking mouth breathers. How about I'll get you guys all shirts?
Those things are hard as shit. Those kids are under a lot of goddamn pressure. I know. This isn't my final answer. I feel like a fucking Roy Rogers burger underneath. Let me hold it up. Let me see what you have so far.
Well, then I also want to do.
Not until we're even. What? Not until we're even. House rules. I'll have to tell you. Okay. I feel like I'm playing with my nephew. It's called I win.
Okay. Slow kids.
Let's go.
The kickball. All right. All right. I struck out in the fucking. Every time you went out to a bar.
Really?
And they all went, ugh. And I went up there. Man, you didn't stand it. Your ego shattered at that point. I remember I was, like, winking at the pitcher to try to get him to not fucking. Hey, buddy, give me a fucking. About to set a record here.
I'll start pulling their seats out from under them. They do sell a Hawaiian version of Amway, by the way. They won't be hitting you up. That couple? You remember that couple? What? Do you remember that couple? No. I'm just saying the couple at our table. Yeah. And they're going to be peddling shit. Wait till he finds out the Patreon.
Put it in neutral.
All right, what's the score? Nine to four.
Okay. What have we entered? No, this is working. You're getting some headway back. I didn't get tumultuous.
I don't know.
I need to Google it. Or someone said, all right, I got it, I think. I think Leo took a run at her. Shout out to him. Hold on a second. You know who I like?
Cut my life into pieces. I got this for sure. All right. PA. Hold on. How many points? Four. Okay. I'm going to wager two. Changing the rules. Okay. PA. PP. Uh-huh.
P-A-P-A-R-A-Z-Z-I. You didn't have it.
What do you think I'm putting there for? I'll be driving out of there in a fucking Mary Kay Cadillac. Taking my honeymoon to a little place called Finders Fee. Finders Fee Island.
I've been liking you the whole time.
Multiple choice questions? No, multiplication?
Spelling ain't your strong suit, bud. None of this new math shit.
Well, he just. Okay, do multiplication. No, fine. Do long division. I'll smoke you. Go. All right.
Well, that's all the time we have for the day, folks. I got to go to the bathroom. I think I'm sick. Can I go to the nurse's office?
Oh, I didn't know that. I thought it was 8,000.
Yeah. Okay. You got it. So four goes into 22.
Seven times four is 21. Three times seven. I don't know. Five times four is 20. Oh, five times four. Five times four is 20. So 520 is two again.
Yep. Good job, boys. There you go.
I don't need this shit.
No more baby rules from here on out. Fair enough.
He was left out? No, he's in it. He's breaking my balls about fucking the Pearl Harbor thing and fucking this and that. What are we doing? That was your fault. God damn, were you asleep at the wheel again? Guy was in a carb coma. Guy was on third watch. 15 attacks happened. I met some doll at the bar. I don't know what to tell you.
Long division. I sweat in the shower. Shout out to Brody. A new movie was reviewed on Rotten Tomatoes. It got four pickles. Shout out to Brody. I remember when that killed us.
Brody Stevens came to New York. For like two weeks or a week or something, we were seeing him everywhere just dying laughing. Dying laughing. That was on his special. Cut out a hangover.
Got four peckles. Shout out to him. So we'll do this. Four hard words. Give us like little kid spelling.
And then we'll do whoever gets the most letters right. I like this. You know what I mean?
Okay. Because we're both going to probably get it wrong. I need paper.
Can you see if any word in the English dictionary has three Ps in a row? Can I ask a question?
How many S's are there? Okay. No, that's part of it.
All right. I'm locked. I'm locked as well. Hold on. Okay. Locked. Hippopotamus.
Hippopotamus. Are you with me on this? No. I thought, dude, the only hard thing to me was how many Ps. Hold on. Hippo. H-I-P-P-O-P-O-T-I-M-U-S-S. Thomas. Hippopotamus. Thomas. Thomas. It's not a hippopotamus.
Another O?
Yeah. Nope. A. Wow. Okay. So we each got that one. Did you get M-U? Is it M-U-S-S? No, it's just M-U-S. What'd you have? M-U-S-S. Yeah, you're down two letters.
I'm an idiot. So now we are- We're doing it by the letter. Starting fresh here. Okay, so- Oh, starting fresh here. Okay.
Yes. Fully schmarted. Consequently, he got the word wrong. Con-so-quent. It's Native American. Okay. Consequently. You spell it. What do you got?
There's an I. I mean, there's not an I. No. Okay, good. Consequently. C-O-N. Yes. C-O.
What? C-O?
Fuck. Conso.
I thought it was smart. You are as dumb as the day is.
Would a DJ Lander do this remix? Consequently. No. C-O-N-S-E-Q. Hold on. C-O-N-S-E-Q. Right? Yep. S-E-Q-E-S-E-Q.
U-E-N-T-L-Y. Yeah.
The S and the E. The C-O. Yeah. Did you have a Q in there? A Q?
I didn't know. I got a U, too. That's what I go back and redo. I forgot they roll together. Did you bring your boys with you? Everybody's getting gripped up. Fucking Q and U come through the streets. Woo!
Everybody.
So you're Steve's. Those two.
I have not. I have one. Yeah. Bullshit. Are you ready? Whatever. We'll do two more. I'll start carving my name into this table in a couple of minutes. This clip sucks. If I can throw a chair at Luke. Call my mom pussy. I swear to fucking God, come back and shoot this place up.
It's like my dad. My dad used to say, I'm catching a rash in his shit. I am catching a rash. Oh, that's my fucking thing. That's a good one. I know my fucking, what my tombstone's going to say. Going over there to give me a rash. I don't need to go in there getting a rash in his shit. Here lies H. Foley. He caught a rash in his shit. Oh, it's ration of shit. Yeah, a ration.
Pretty easy. Is it? Yeah. Yeah. Well, why don't you spell it for me?
Okay. Spell it. Fuck you. You spell it. What the fuck are you talking about?
Putting gum in someone's hair.
All right, all right, all right.
You got this one. Decentralization.
It's a Z. It's a Z. Centralization. Centralization. Centralization. Decentralize. You've seen these words written. That's the only thing that I missed?
All right, so I got one more. Decentralization is how inmates spell when they write letters. Putting an S in there. That's how Cam Newton would spell it. You're a hell of a quarterback. He didn't need to learn how to read, that guy. He's going to go for a long ball. That's what you want with a ball in their hand. That kid's got a fucking arm on him. Okay.
I thought it was like a rash and the shit.
It's the most famous one. Which one's T-Rex?
Not really. We have different spellings. Oh, I love it. Tricero. And it's the one thing I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure. Cerotops. I mean, can I help you? No. He's got to learn how to do it on his own. He's 50. He's got to learn how to read sometimes. Cerotops. I have two spellings. He's going to put a Z in there this time. Can I try the first one first and the second one second?
Let's see what happens. Yeah, I'm pretty sure they're both wrong.
I could be right. I mean, okay. First one I have, triceratops.
T-R-Y.
Got a big case of mud butt. Catch a rash down there. Oh, a ration of shit. A ration, a portion of shit. Yeah. Which I always take, and I take it handsomely. Yeah, right. You've been screaming at me.
I know it's a Y. It's T-R-I. It is. All right.
What else did you not know how to spell? I had T-R-Y-S-A-R-R-O.
And then the second one I had T-R-Y-S-A-R-O-T-A-U-P-S. It's not tops like the fucking cards. It's not Sarah like the girl you went to school with. Sorrow. It's Sarah like Michael Sarah.
You added so many letters. E-A-G-L-E-S, Eagles.
This is crazy.
It's like, I don't want you to feel left out or anything like that.
I got the open mouth shit with the fucking CPAP. Now I'm all jammed up. Mm-hmm. Goddamn fucking Sudafed straightened me out. Uh-huh. Can't take the hard stuff anymore. Sure. Clean out the pipes. My co-host is coming at you from across the table.
Yeah, I mean, I'm getting the fucking... You're treating me like your goddamn co-worker.
I was probably drinking. Of course you guys can come. I gotta make some calls, but... How big are the helmets? I got a big fucking potato head coming in here. Hey, Sarge, get the tugboat, huh?
Me? No, this is you. You keep your hormones under control. We wouldn't be in this situation-ship we're in. We wouldn't be going on a nice holiday together.
What are you talking about? First of all, I got you fucking prime location table up front. With some guy who's going to be giving me the hard work. Because I got to do that because the way the tables break down.
I'm going to be sitting there. You're both decision makers here today. Do you have your checkbook on you? Is this guy Hawaiian or American? They're Hawaiian. What? They might be Hawaiian-Hawaiian, too. They're nice people.
Yeah. Oh, man, it's me, Cassidy, and Luke. Man, talking about the who's who or who's not. I was thinking about throwing out that Ruben off in his bra to straighten it out. Love that.
I'm sure. If not, give him a rundown. Yeah, I don't fucking need this shit. It's fucking ration of shit. That's such a good one, dude. Fucking giving me a ration of shit. I'll spell that for you.
H-E-N-R-Y. Ration of shit. H-E-N-R-Y. Me. Okay.
Let me say something. You can only get a ration of shit. It's only a guy from a lady. She's giving me erection. It's always getting... It's the equivalent of getting your balls broken. Then you're a brood. Get you a pocketbook and a fucking parasol. Have you sat here... Make a move? Sure. Listen. What? Remember the couple that came to... Came to... Count Basie? Johnny. Your cousin.
Johnny's not my cousin. Johnny I grew up with. He's best friends with my brother. We all grew up together. We wrestled together. The guy that we meet out back for heaters. Yes. Yeah. Would you rather Johnny at the table?
Okay.
You guys doing that?
Where you eat like the last supper. Everybody faces out. Like the Al Smith dinner? And Bloomberg and them guys up front. No, it's a sweetheart table. It's just you two? Yeah. Oh. It's sectional. Okay.
Wait. Okay.
I told you this. You're fucking with me.
You're serving Thanksgiving for fucking your wedding? Yeah. We're doing a turkey and a ham? You're fucking with me. No. It's a chicken. I've got to fly all the way out there for a dry bird. I mean, deep fried. Talking about jamming the kid up.
Kevin Ryan.
We're not having a lot you're going to eat.
What's a sweetheart dance? Oh, you two, your first dance? Yeah.
A little bump and grab. A little wow, wow, wow.
Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me. Who's that? You guys are just headbanging.
Okay. All right. I'm sorry. I apologize. You might have given me that information. It just caught me and Luke off guard that you got costumes and me and Luke don't get to be part of the costumes. Luke even said, Jesus Christ, no one's fucking closer to you than us two. Currently, yes, of course. Currently?
What up, gang? Shout out to the motherfucking homies. Me and the big man are bumping heads. I'm not bumping heads with anybody. I'm taking heat, which I take heat a lot. Which, okay, what's up? First of all, shout out to the motherfucking homies. Shout out to them. The goddamn, let's call them the jury of this. The jury of... This competition? The jury of our world is being honest.
About six foot. You got a kid up there, and you don't have the kid up there? That's what he's six foot. I'm taller than him. I'm going to talk to these guys. He would run through you like a potato stick. Listen, I'm going to see what their prices are to step aside. What do you mean? Alleviate their duties. Is that what you're going to do? Embarrass me? Start buying me out? Sure.
Next thing you know, you're doing a ceremony? Fly me. Okay, all right. Making that with me.
You mentioned you want to do a speech and stuff like that.
I had to bring it up.
Yeah, and I'm grateful for that. So you sent me with randos? Mutants at table nine? That got me? This guy's going to be complaining the whole fucking time. Tommy might flake out, too. You might be all jammed up. Tommy flakes. I'm going to send Luke out and just have a wheel up a TV screen with me on it. The birds are on. Christmas game. Okay. All right. Okay.
Well, this is an odd week where we typically film hard feelings first, then the bony. So we'll get into this, then you will have seen this earlier. I think I've said my piece. Okay. Fair enough. P-I-E-C-E. Now, can we get in the goddamn spelling bee? Sure. And have a good time? Uh-huh. She's not bringing cash, right? No. No. You want to wear one of the shirts?
No, I'm the guy trying to be part of the party.
Okay. All right. It's good to know.
You might get mentioned in that. I don't want it now. I don't want to be listed as the key grip on this fucking thing. The bottom of the below the line people. Kenny and the guys. Yeah. Kenny's a new one. Kenny Bryant. No, I'm happy for you. That's great. Don't give me that shit. Don't make me feel like that. You know how much I fucking love you.
And you know you changed my life and we changed each other's lives. Of course. And we're rocking it back. It's not a me thing. You're making it a me thing.
Yeah. Sorry, I'm not allowed to rash you and be hurt. See, I don't like that. I don't need that shit right now. Fucking walk out of this whole goddamn thing. Rashing and shit. Okay, I'm clearly fucking with you. When you see the money bag is gone and I'm down in Honolulu fucking up to my nose and fucking North Shore yak.
know what happened he broke okay i'm i'm obviously just breaking your balls i don't want to i don't want to be a part of it for don't be like that i'm not are you gonna eat the glass noodles glass noodles good got a fucking crown working in here no i'm probably i'm probably you'll do a shrimp head right no i don't like shrimps extra eyeballs forgive me It's going to be good stuff.
Judge, jury, and executioner. Every time we get in an argument, the homies and bozos settle.
Nice steak, potatoes.
Sliders. You like sliders? We're doing a hard feelings out there. Doing it at the wedding. Yeah. Okay.
All righty. Let's get into it.
This better not be some fucking Connecticut private school bullshit either. Well, I did a little poking around on my own just to see what it would look like. I'm not spelling mosquito like a fucking asshole. Is that hard or easy? Mosquito? Yeah. I'll get you. Skeeter on my peter flicking off. Fuck that.
He knows Jimmy the Cricket. How long you know Jimmy the Cricket? Alright, so...
Ich weiß nicht, ich glaube nicht. Okay.
Bring him in. Yeah, bring him in. Bring in our boy. Uh-oh. Look who it is. Oh my, did you cut your hair?
A lot of that. They got that. There it is. Right. I got to tell you. And the eagle.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yes. Chip Station.
Congratulations.
I did the same fucking thing. Get the fuck out of here.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Yeah.
That's right.
Nah.
Yeah, yeah.
Where is June Osborn? Rise up and fight for your freedom.
Thank you. Thank you.
.
.
.
All right. Which one of you is Javelin's favorite human? All dogs have a favorite in the house, especially wieners.
All right, Michael. How did you approach being a stepmom? What challenges did you face with gaining trust and acceptance with them? How do you manage discipline, reinforcement and life issues? What advice could you give to a woman who is stepping into that type of situation, as well as advice to the dad on how to make a transition and loving home for the kids?
Okay. What's the earliest recommended age for kids to start BJJ? And if kids are past that age and the in-between ages, what do you recommend getting them started as far as reducing intimidation or any uncomfortableness?
Okay. All right. Hello from Connecticut. It's called Connecticut. Oh, excuse me.
For the misses, since Andy bought into BJJ, and now that is a common denominator in both your lives, is there any interest or have you already gone for a tandem with Andy? Oh, yes. If so, any interest in pursuing an A license?
Wait, while he's falling? Yeah. Attached to a tandem instructor? Solo. Solo. Yeah, I could see him doing it.
Okay. What qualities should I look for in a BJJ gym for my son and for my son and I to start training up? It seems difficult to wade through all the BS in the sport I know nothing about. For context, my son is still single digits in age.
All right. I want to hear Leah's thoughts on the helicopter ride and possible future helicopter adventures.
Yeah. Two days ago. What'd you think? Same helicopter. So what do you think? It was awesome. Yeah. I was like a little bit nervous. That's just you in general, like Monday through Friday. Yeah.
Yeah. I also got a little motion sickness on our way back. Did you really? Yeah. I don't even know what caused it. You didn't say anything? No, because I wasn't that bad.
It was right when we were about to go over Wild Horse Island for some reason. I think we were getting a little bumpy on there. I think that may have done it, but yeah. Yeah, you just got to look out, look at the horizon a little bit. Yeah, and that helped. Yeah, and it went away after I did that, but.
All right. Uh, did Andy get you into hunting and how was your first, how was your experience hunting elk for the first time?
Determined. All right. Do you follow a certain diet or eat a certain way? Do you train anything else besides jujitsu? Is this for both of us? I mean, I think it's for Leah, but you can both answer.
Cool. All right, cool. Does Leah speak sarcasm as fluently as Andy? I wasn't aware that I speak sarcasm.
I've heard you belt out some pretty good... I wouldn't say insults, but roast.
I actually think I know where that is coming from.
Do tell. So there's this like study recently that basically it was like the smaller your taint length basically means the less testosterone and more microplastics you have.
I was going to say, why do I know that he has read that? He has this probably printed out and highlighted somewhere. Yeah. So I think that's where that comes from. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Leah, what is the best story Vaughn has told you about Andy?
Michelle, go ahead. All right. This one was a popular one. Where did Andy take Leah on their first date?
That'd be the curly ginger headed fuck running around. It'd be awesome. I'm not cutting my hair. Why would you? It'd be very obvious who I am. What else you got? All right. Let's end it with this one. I'm going to add on to it. So the original question is, what is the best thing you like about your husband, Andy? And then I'm going to say, Andy, what's the best thing you like about Leah?
My add on was what does Andy like about Leah? Cause the original question was just Leah to Andy. Do you have any dating advice for Michael?
What has it been like for Leah navigating the martial arts world as a woman from the beginning when it was taboo to now with women's divisions becoming very popular, including women's wrestling at the college level?
I think so too. Yeah. All right. So kind of going off of that one, in your opinion, what age is too late to start jujitsu? What obstacles do you see for an older student? I'm 42, relatively fit and have always wanted to try it. What concerns me is getting injured.
In two miles, take exit 19 for Valley Park Drive South.
It just peeked around the corner. It was looking at you.
They taste good.
Tanner's like, whoa, he's dicking around too.
They're all actors. Like, I don't even know you.
Right.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I'm stronger than he is.
Or do you see a world in which you could do the small intimate wedding and then also celebrate down the line as like your five-year anniversary, you throw a huge thing.
But does that, it comes down to the person though. Like, does that feel not authentic to you? Or would that be fulfilling because you made sure your grandparents are there Five years down the line, they could also be a part of that.
Rabbi's office.
You would just call us and be like, hey, guys, I got married today.
I'm feeling a sense of jealousy.
And because she's at this point in life where she has a fiance and she's getting married first, it feels like this is a power grab where you can take control over someone by, you're taking really a position of power over someone. by putting them in this position where you are blatantly leaving them out and making it so obvious, especially in the car and all the things that have been mentioned.
It's almost like she's poking the bear, trying to get a big reaction in front of everyone. But it is weird to me. The weirdest part of the whole story is how the family is just like, Oh yeah, cool. Yeah, we got our invitation. And there's no mention. And it is very mature, but just very respectable how you're saying you don't want to make your family choose sides.
And I mean, really, you're handling this better than I think 90% of people. I'm just, I want to know what's happening in the background. I want to know why the family's not reacting. Like, is this a trend? Has this been happening? I know you and her story, but what's the deal with the family? Where have they been through all of this stuff?
Hi, Dad, Justin, and Morgan. I have been a fan of both podcasts since the beginning and could really use some guidance from an outside perspective. I, 23 female, believe I am getting engaged soon based on clues from my boyfriend, which is super exciting, and I'm ready to start the next chapter.
I oddly feel like an invitation is going to come also.
I don't think she literally is not ever going to be invited. I feel like it's just some game.
However, when I start to think about the future, wedding planning, etc., I am upset because I am currently estranged with one of my closest family members and can't imagine her not being there for me on my special day. Changing names for privacy, my cousin is a 21-year-old female. We'll call her Mary.
And drink margaritas apparently.
No, he's got to have a margarita.
Because that's the classic Jerry drink.
I do not have a sister, but we have been close our entire lives, and I would consider her a sister to me. She started dating this man, also 21, we'll call him Sam, about two years ago. Not long after dating him, Mary moved in with him and things were going well. However, after about a year of dating, Sam went away for a month for his military training.
I really think it's just a lifelong lesson that we all learn. And it takes a long time because I don't know if you ever truly, maybe at some point you can truly not care what anyone thinks.
down to your deepest core, truly not care. It's just, I think, so built into us from the time we're young that, you know, there were times in elementary school, middle school, high school, where one comment from someone about something and it sticks with you the rest of your life, no matter what it's on you, if it's negative.
And I think you kind of go your whole life learning to love yourself and all of yourself. And I think, you know, it's something everyone deals with in some sense.
And it is a long journey, but I will say after going through certain things in middle school and high school and getting to a place now where I would say I'm moving much more towards that, like, I don't care if someone has something negative to say, especially regarding appearance.
It's just – I'm living my life, doing my thing and I think it's so much not what other people are thinking but it's what you think of yourself. It is so true.
Well... It's the bones vibrating.
During this time, Mary found screenshots of Tinder on his laptop. She then proceeded to move out and cut contact with him. After a couple of months, Sam found a way to contact her and convinced her that he had changed and would not make the same mistakes. Since this event, they have moved in together and have broken up twice more.
Yeah. I think as much as it is a lifelong journey, I think it's good to check in once in a while. And this is a great test. This is a nice little test for you to see if you can get up on that day and be like, you know what? I am me. This is me. I'm going to go have the best day.
So it's like, I think that's what I was trying to lead to is, hey, we may never get there to where we look in the mirror and we're like, yeah, that's you at 95 years old. I'm here. I don't give a shit what anyone thinks. But I think it does make life a lot easier when you start to just not care what everyone else thinks. I try and think about that.
I mean, that's not to say be an asshole, you know, go out and be a terrible person. It's in the context of if you got something negative to say, it's just going to bounce right off me. Like I'm not going to absorb it all and have everyone else be able to take me down. So I think you're going to have an amazing day.
For the entire duration of the relationship, Mary would text and call me crying constantly about how he was mistreating her, whether it was lying, having a wandering eye, belittling her, etc. I have done my best to give advice and bite my tongue in certain situations. However, I recently decided I could not listen to this anymore after she decided to take him back for a fourth time.
I think fourth, but I don't know, I've lost count. I then told her off and we haven't spoken since early December. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place because I care about her, yet I don't agree with her choices. It pains me to distance myself from her, especially during this time of our lives. On the other hand, if I stay in contact, it is deteriorating my mental health.
She has since tried to reach out to me, but I have ignored her advances because I know she is still with Sam. She was the person who I would have chosen to be my maid of honor. The person who I told everything to. I'm at a loss for what to do and desperately need y'all's help on if I should let her back in or go on in my life without her.
Ideal outcome, my cousin recognizes that she is better off without him and we can mend our relationship.
I think it's interesting how weddings bring out almost a reevaluation of all your relationships in your life. Where when it's your wedding, all of a sudden it's like, oh, I always thought I'd have X, Y, Z, all these different people at my wedding, but I've just lost touch. Our friendships have evolved to where, you know, we kind of evolved out of each other's lives.
But, oh, because I'm having a wedding, they were such a big part of my early life that I can't imagine them not being there. And it makes you almost want to revive things or bring things back that aren't necessarily good for you just for the sake of that wedding day, which is a normal thing that we all tend to do.
But I think it's also, you know, I would look at it as, are you wanting to reconnect because, you know, in wedding planning and all of this, it made you think, oh man, I really do love what we have and I need to I need to sort this out with her? Or is it simply, I need to have her at my wedding?
Yeah. I mean, that's totally cool. It's just with her and her cousin.
I think you can separate the two, like you're saying. Focus on your day. If wedding planning made you feel like you need to reconnect and figure out this relationship, then 100% do it. Do it. It doesn't have to be solved before the wedding.
I mean, is it going to completely throw your whole day off if you invite her and she brings him so that you can have her there? These are things you got to figure out, but I would start working on the relationship if you want her in your life, which it really does sound like you do, but don't force it to be solved by the time the wedding comes.
The wedding's just a stepping stone in what can be the rebuilding of you guys' relationship.
We'll see who wins the race. Look at that pilot jacket, Jerry. Do you have one like that? I did. You should get one for sure. I did have one. I don't have it anymore. That's a good look for you. Yeah, it is. With the scarf too.
Okay. Number two. Hi, Jerry and fam. Hello there. I need some fatherly advice because I don't think I can come to my own dad with this. I, male 21, have been with my boyfriend, male 20, for six years now and we plan to get married in the future. We've talked and have agreed it would be best to have a wedding once we're better off financially. But here's my issue.
Three of my grandparents are still alive but very old. And my grandfather has cancer and isn't doing well. All of my grandparents raised me and the idea of them not being at my wedding hurts. I'm considering having a wedding this year just so I can be sure they would all make it. But I wouldn't be able to afford much for the wedding and my boyfriend doesn't think it's a good idea.
If we waited until we could afford most of it, I can see that being maybe three to five years from now. This has been keeping me up at night. I just love my grandparents so much, and my grandpa is like a second father to me. Part of my issue is ever since I was young, I dreamed of a huge wedding. I would either put that aside or go into debt to have it sooner. I need some help making a decision.
I don't want to regret anything. My ideal outcome would be to wait and have a huge wedding and all my grandparents still be around to celebrate with me. Unfortunately, I can't be sure that'll happen.
Yeah, it's tough because you can do that, but it's really what is most important to you. Is it more important that they're there or more important that you are actually getting married, saying your vows, doing the whole ceremony and everything? on that big wedding day? Do you see it as those are mutual? They have to be paired together?
Right now, as far as cutting out those jobs, a huge percentage of those people, and I know you care about the veterans. And that is a damn shame.
That is a damn shame. I'm not a Democrat, but I'm worried about the veterans, man.
Right.
Same thing. Same thing.
I got a lot of kids.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
I'd be in there for five hours.
Oh.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And Jared was like, well, I don't know about that. You know, around these parts.
They killed him, King. Oh my God.
90, 89, 90.
333 times 433. If I win 33.3% of the time, my freaks out there.
There it is.
WWE wanted me to take a steroid test. I said, pick me up in a limo with Triple H. Never heard about it again. Yeah, you got to mix in a little Michigan accent. Kind of forget. Make it sound like you're unsure what you're saying.
Delivered the hand, yes. Wow.
It's a hand.
The Four Horsemen, woo!
Hey, you fat son of a bitch. You out of shape piece of shit. I don't sound like that. No, I know. I just started doing that. It's not even really impressive. I just yell really loud in sort of a pseudo-Michigan accent. Come here, you piece of... If you can just nail, he's fat.
Yes.
Samoa Joe.
I love him.
Yeah.
Can I sit next to O'Shea?
I don't really like country. I don't really like hot chicken. I don't like rainy nights and temperate days. Can we at least get an applaud for the dog?
What's up, Bridgestone? How we doing? I can't believe I'm gonna say this to an arena, but it's my wife's time of the month right now. Not her period, that's just what I call it when she covers 100% of our bills. It's pretty emasculating, I'm the one who can't fuck for a week. I thought moving in together would solve the problem, but our pay periods haven't synced up yet. Mine's late.
Are you kidding me? Shut the fuck up. Why boo? Yeah, she's four years younger than me. Okay, never mind.
It's not good. I'm an Uber delivery driver right now. How old are you?
What happened? I was in bands. I did okay. I kind of started over when I started doing stand-up. So I've started living shitty again fairly recently. I was all right for a minute. You don't play music anymore?
Mostly like rock, punk rock type bands.
Didn't like it, always wanted to do comedy and started doing comedy.
Hey, what's up? This is Joe from Past Gas Podcast by Donut Media. We're an automotive history podcast, but you don't have to be a car person to enjoy our show. We tell the craziest stories like the first race across America. It was basically 45 days of hell or how the humble caravan saved Dodge and allowed them to make the Viper.
We've been doing this podcast for over five years now, and there are still so many crazy stories. It amazes me. It's basically like hanging out in the garage, chopping it up with your friends, hanging out, good vibes. So check out Past Gas wherever you get your podcasts.
But for now, he remains the Estonian Assassin, Arimate!
I am a white girl with jean shorts and a fat ass.
Yeah, we've been doing the thing. Yeah.
Who's ready for the best fuckin' night of your lives?
The Dark Knight of Nashville. The Monster of Memphis. The Vanilla Gorilla. This is the Big Red Machine. Lights out. William Montgomery.
It's him, live in the flesh. The GOAT, William Montgomery is here.
Fuck yes! Goddamn, motherfuckin' right, Nashville!
Thank you to Vaya. Thank you to Blue Chew, Red Band. Check out the movie Das Boot.
It wasn't worse than geese fire, you are correct.
All right, all right, all right. How did they catch you?
Tony, nobody does selling better than Shopify, home of the number one checkout on the planet.
Did you know that the Bean was built in Chicago in 1974?
Do you have any old photos that you're trying to get taken down from the internet or anything like that?
No, she's saying she has a good family. Yeah. And she likes to get choked and stuff. Oh, there you go. There's some of that.
I saw D gasp. Yeah, you're not looking at anything right now. It's okay.
Can we spice this up? Can we spice this up? My vision board said it's got to go better.
Okay, I don't... Yes, I'm trying to do an interview. I'm not good at this. I'm not doing this.
No, no, no. No, no, no. We don't want fake energy. All right, let's bring that energy back down, everybody.
Mario, look at this. You see this shit right here? Oh my God. Do you believe in miracles? Look at the energy on this fucking guy.
He's even got the best interview of the night, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh, yeah. Wait, what is that? It's where you're a very small person and you're looking up at a woman.
You're so horny online. Yeah, you're so horny offline.
That's a whole different fetish. I like to come. He loves to come. I love to come. It's a meat milker.
She says it. She literally goes, oh hell no, I said it's a meat milker. Yeah, you say it's for getting my dick fat. I'm getting my dick drained. She said put it away. Of course she did, her brain worked. Is that the one? No, that was in driverless Uber.
I like pussy. Oh, you do? I don't get it. I'm so confused. He's fucking a vacuum. Yeah, I think. Yeah, what the fuck? Like, if I'm gonna, yeah, right. I've never met a celebrity on this show.
To be with a woman, just to be like, all right, how do I make a dude's ass out of this? What parts do I have to smush together? Vamo! Hey, can you make your armpit make a fart noise and then I'll fuck it? Because that's kind of like a dude's ass a little bit. You're really gaming the system.
What the fuck is going on right now?
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If you want your nail done properly, go to Shinagawa, Tokyo, prefecture.
Your dad's shop is going to be packed tomorrow, and he's going to be like, Kansayam, I am so proud of you. So many narrow.
It's a long way to set that up, but it was worth it, bro.
You look so sad. What the hell?
You're on it. That is amazing.
God, I really hope she doesn't watch this fucking show.
I was saying that in my head. What did you ask me? I'm sorry.
It came out of left field. It surprised the shit out of me. It came out of left field? Yeah. Left field.
No, it wasn't anything weird, no.
I'm trying so hard. I'm trying so hard.
I guess. Protected the Hindus from the Muslim menace. Thank you. You recognize us. That's what every cab driver won't shut up about.
Mr. Vader, it appears as though you're having trouble breathing. Would you like some of my allergy medicine?
The hostages in Palestine must be released immediately.
Just a big lava lamp. Even the damn lamp be gay? Bam! I bought a banana.
It's been long enough. What type of people holds on to hostages for this night?
Thank you. Okay. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
10.
I knew it.
Woo!
It's hard.
Please just do right by that.
Bottles is crazy, yeah. I can get the bottles at the house. I can create the bottles. I'm at the crib and I can have my own shindigua. I can stand on my own couch. You know what I'm saying?
Really?
It works. It works. Yes. It works. Ball brothers. It works. Yes. Yes. Smith family works. Works. Works.
No, no, no.
Hey, can you face out? No.
Hey, y'all knocking it out, back to back.
Like, Lil' Jake, Lil' Jake, man, you should do this, Lil' Jake. You'll be called Lil' Jake.
Oh, that's good.
You're too smooth. You're too good. Shake it off. I was like, right, right, right. Because I sing R&B. I'm Jacob Latimore.
What'd you, what'd you mean? What you mean? Bruh, I see. That's how you feeling? You're right.
It's just R&B. It's music. You know what I mean?
Why is that lady alone from night to night? You find me? You seen that? See? See? And he wonders why. That's James Brown. That's James Brown. You ever seen that? Yes. That's my favorite interview.
That can be taught. Yeah, y'all always say that with my guy. I'm like, I can handle that. Yeah, that can be taught. Like, I'm like, can you please? Put this on. It's already laid out. Oh, that's crazy. Then pipe her up. Like, yeah.
Now, what's happening? Like, hey, that look crazy. Ooh, weed. Hey, I seen you rap. Like, what's happening?
I'm like, that kind of felt good.
Maybe a chick with some bread. And then I'm like, hold up. Then I'm like, wait.
What's the spirit?
We in Atlanta, we go to a little hookah lounge or something.
Listen, I'm trying to tell you, it's very tough. Cause it's easy. It's easy to be like, I like her though. But I really like her though. And then you're like, Wait, what am I doing?
2020.
Why are you jumping at me like that?
I wasn't even supposed to be doing that. He wasn't even supposed to be over there.
At least you wanted to be in the covenant.
You in the covenant, it's like, hey! You know what I mean? You in the covenant.
We made it! We married! We under your blood! Listen. You know what I mean?
It's cool! Yes. You single, just outside, like, aw, man, I knew I was supposed to be there.
I knew it! You know what I'm saying? Like, I knew I was supposed to be at home in my work, watching service, being alone and sipping tea. You know what I mean?
You ready? Wait, wait, wait. Say it.
Every day, every week.
Hey, yo, I'll be watching your show. Hey, bro, you got the, bro, what happened for real?
No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. My ADHD, I was like, nah, he's a cute, like, nah. Oh, yeah. Nah, that's crazy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
100%.
Yes.
I was like, I'm pouring my heart out, and they laughing and shit. Like, that wasn't a joke. Like, what is so funny? Damn, you got a mean audience. That's crazy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't come to my show.
Okay.
Wow.
Every day.
3%.
Uh, you know, it's just a, um, I just don't like making decisions super duper quick and I just like some time to kind of mull it over. I think some more process it so I can make a good decision.
Yeah, I'd say so.
Say I've been on sales calls before with some pressure and I just don't want to make a reference.
Yeah.
Yes, I know.
If I said yes and it was a good decision, I guess it could help me get to my goals. But if I said yes and it was a bad decision, then I might regret that afterwards.
I'd say so.
Yeah.
No, I can't think of a time.
That's a fair ask.
No reason.
Ja.
So kann ich mehr wegnehmen.
Oh, interesting.
It's easier to get a terrace than it is to get a husband.
Oh, good.
And how is that possible?
Yeah.
Well, she's not attached.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You and Elizabeth had talked about writing a book together at some point. Yes. Is that still percolating?
I'm glad to hear yours would.
She's asking what if Russia breaks the ceasefire?
The dirty little secret is that business actually likes what we do. They're the ones encouraging us to bring cases because they want access to markets. They want supply chains that are affordable. They want greater supply of key inputs, right? This is something that's quite popular in business.
,.
100%.
Yeah.
2007.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, right?
Yeah, right.
20, 30.
14, 15, 16.
Mm-hmm.
50?
He had a gun.
the Mayor, keeps hitting it out of the park.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
She goes, she goes, here, piggy, piggy, piggy, piggy. Here, piggy, piggy, piggy, piggy.
I just have a question for you. You said it's not your child until it's born. Does that mean you think it could be someone else's while it's in the womb and then it changes when it's born?
We have hundreds and hundreds of thousands of migrants here illegally that have convicted of crimes. And I don't know why, you know, who wants to defend to allow them to remain in our nation after that? And now if you're here illegally and you're committing crimes and those things, I don't know why anybody thinks that it's controversial that they all need to go.
Do you think that this was one of, if not the biggest issue for this election?
Well, I think if we can't, you know, there's 47 of us in the Senate. And if we can't pull up with with seven votes, if we can't get at least seven out of 47, if we can't, then that's the reason why we lost. That's one of them. That's one of why we lost in part.
But I want to sit down and have a conversation. And I'm really glad that I've done that. And some of these nominees I'm going to vote for already. In fact, you know, whether it's my our colleague Rubio, Representative Stefanik or even Sean Duffy. And I expect to vote for him as well, too. And Brooke Rollins for for agriculture.
Again, so there's a lot of them I can say right now here on Fox. I'm going to vote for them. But then there's others, you know, but that we're going to go through the process. But I'm open to hear from everyone. And I don't know why that's controversial.
I want to talk about something important today because it's time to get back to our roots around free expression on Facebook and Instagram. There's been widespread debate about potential harms from online content. Governments and legacy media have pushed to censor more and more. A lot of this is clearly political, but there's also a lot of legitimately bad stuff out there.
Drugs, terrorism, child exploitation. These are things that we take very seriously, and I want to make sure that we handle responsibly. So we built a lot of complex systems to moderate content. But the problem with complex systems is they make mistakes. And we've reached a point where it's just too many mistakes and too much censorship.
So we're going to get back to our roots and focus on reducing mistakes, simplifying our policies, and restoring free expression on our platforms.
For more on many of these stories and news you can trust, go to charliekirk.com.
Charlie, what you've done is incredible here.
Maybe Charlie Kirk is on the college campus.
Thank you for coming. Don, your dad said that in a tweet a few months ago that he would go after any shenanigans in regard to elections. And we know there was some funny business that went on here in Arizona with Kerry Lake, also in Michigan, Wisconsin, and Nevada. Will there be any kind of, or can you speak to your father's resolve to try to investigate and see what happened in these states?
First of all, I want to thank you, Charlie Kirk. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for my daughter seeing you at Hospitality Hall up in Las Vegas, UNLV.
Number two, is there any way that you can help me get a picture with Scott Pressler because of what he did for Pennsylvania?
And Robert Barnes. I want to shout out to Robert Barnes for what he did with Amos Miller. Thank you.
Hi there. I would very much like you to sign the book I've been lugging around to Charlie.
Yeah, I'm about to. This is Jeopardy. And I did come here to meet my husband because Charlie said I was going to meet him. But I live in a now super sanctuary area in San Diego. They just voted for it to be a super sanctuary. Ridiculous. So it's kind of just a curious thing. What are your thoughts on term limits? Because I feel like there's pro and cons.
If we actually have somebody that we love in office, then, you know, serve forever. But I would like people like Nancy Pelosi to, you know, get very sick. Sorry.
And I love Jesus. Really, I do.
Charlie, we have a 10-year-old member here.
My mom said if I asked her, she would give me $100. Wow.
Will you do the Trump dance with me?
If anyone else wants to give her $100, feel free as well.
Hi, I'm an international student athlete from Ontario, Canada. And... The great state of Canada? Yeah. You got a great... You got a bad governor there. I mean... I mean, I came to America just, one, to play my sport, golf, two, to study, and three, just to be able to get a job into America.
And I was wondering, because of what everything's going on right now and, like, a lot of the immigration borders, what's to come with visas? Are they going to change? Just because it's very difficult for me to secure a visa right now.
Hi, guys. I just wanted to say thank you for everything that you do. This was my first election voting. And I listen to you every day, Charlie. So thank you for all that you do. My question is, will President-elect Donald Trump finally ban Congress and the Senate from insider trading as no one is above the law?
Hi, I'm from the great purple state of Iowa. So to form all my grievances into a single question, do I even have to ask it? How in the heck, and I just got a call on my way over here tonight, how in the heck do we organize, because we are a purple state, to get rid of, we call her Joni Wonderbread Ernst, because she wears Wonderbread bags on her feet. That's the story she tells.
And we got President Trump through in spite of our political class.
You know, when we got the call that Saturday night, people were freaking out. And all of us who knew, we just laughed about it. And I have to say, I was really disappointed for the first time in my life that I wasn't a subscriber to the Des Moines Register because I was asked to be a plaintiff, but I had to subscribe to the paper.
Hi, I was just wondering if you could go back in time to when you were around 25, what advice would you give yourself?
Speaking from a 25-year-old.
Alrighty. My name is Dayan Jimenez. I'm a chapter leader from down in South Florida. Good guy there. Thank you, Charlie. So my question is more based on my representatives in my area. So I'm a Cuban immigrant. I came to the U.S. at the age of two. Obviously, I love our country. I wouldn't be with Turning Point if I didn't. Thank you. But...
My representatives in my area, I have Mario Diaz-Balart, I have Elvira Salazar, and I have Carlos Jimenez. A lot of those representatives down there, the only reason that they get elected is because of their last names and because of the fact that they're Hispanic. So obviously, maybe to sort of get them to actually do what the people want, it would be not the worst idea to primary them.
But they're great people and they represent the people well. But the core of the question that I'm trying to get to is how do we increase transparency between the people we elect and the people itself? Because a lot of the time we send these people up to Washington on certain promises that they say every couple of years. And then...
Those years pass and they don't deliver because Elvira Salazar, for example, it's one of the most blatant examples. She's been pushing for immigration reform since she got elected and hasn't done amnesty and she hasn't done anything. So it's like we have all these representatives from South Florida that are going up to Washington.
And this isn't something I should be saying because there are the few people that actually push for some sort of, you know, at least for me, you know, I believe Cuba should be liberated at some point. But there are the few people that push for that because they come from Cuba to set.
But how is it that we increase that transparency so those people actually end up doing what they say they're going to do? Or if not, how do we just get them to actually stand by their commitments to the people?
Yeah, they just don't stand by what they say.
Thank you.
Thank you very much. My question is, how do we remove the sort of opaque veil from corporations? Because, of course, we're worried about the federal government and how they hide stuff from us, but corporations also hide a lot of stuff from the public and even from, like, what they do to their employees, how they force them to do certain things.
Hi, Jim Louder from the Flint Hills of Kansas. I want to thank both of you for all that you've done and what you do. Charlie, I hope you still want me to, I want to start a chapter. I understand we're in Kansas and also in Emporia State University because I appreciate, I really appreciate what you've done for cultural awareness. But I have a really hard question. Okay. I'm a cold warrior.
I swore an oath to protect and defend 47 years ago and I've never broken and I never will. But... I held clearances in the Navy for 15 years. I never betrayed those clearances. So my question, and it's a hard question for both of you, I do not agree with you about Edward Snowden. He could have found a protector.
There's 535 elected representatives, one of whom could have protected him, or he could have gone to jail if he was so sincere about that. And I don't deny all the good things that happened from his disclosure. But this is personal for me, just like Hillary Clinton's email server was personal for me.
What's up? My name is Jake. I'm from Las Vegas. So my question is, James, I know that you have a lot of – connections in your line of work and i've been seeing these drones over new jersey and i think that it took a long time for the police and the fbi to even come out with any sort of answers on this and the whole answer of other operating um under the regulatory laws i think it's bs so
I just don't know if you guys have any insight on what this could be or if it's some sort of surveillance or just really your thoughts on what it is.
Hi, James. Hi, Charlie. You mentioned that Hollywood is dead. That's a very interesting concept. Do you feel like the Republican Party can establish influence in not being Hollywood, but take over, taking command? I'm speaking as a Marine. And getting the command of the narrative so that we can change the culture and we can tell the true story in high-budget movies
and be able to transform that, taking the path of power now that we have done such a great job. And by the way, all of you guys, congratulations. I'm from Brazil. I served in the military. Brazilians are not experiencing this because it's completely taken over, and you guys took your country back. So for all of that... Thank you.
People all over the world, all over the world, patriots, Christians, they're looking at all of you guys right now, and they're so proud of you. So I just want to let you know that you are a source of inspiration to every single person in South America right now. So what do we do? Do we change the narrative? Are we able to create high-budget movies as a Republican guild and take over the Oscars?
Hi, my name is Mason Brasher. And something that's just been on my mind since we've been talking about this is, you know, back in 2016, one of Trump's primary things that he kept saying is, we're going to drain the swamp, we're going to drain the swamp. And when it came to actually doing it, he obviously came against a lot of backlash and just... It was very much an uphill battle.
And so what I'm wondering, I guess, is this time around... What's the difference?
Hi, James. My name is Dorian Taylor. I just want to say thank you for your line in the Sand documentary. We greatly enjoyed it. It's highly educational. You are an incredible journalist, and you are looking to expose objective truths.
So on that line, since 1947 occurred and we had Gerald Ford, who started the Voice of America, I'm curious to know if you would ever consider joining the Voice of America and siding on that level of public journalism, or if you will stay more clandestine and having your own network of journalism.
That is an excellent idea. Thank you.
Remember, you are Project Veritas. You are everything it originally stood for, and we all know that. They can't take that away from you no matter what. Know that. But since you know more about whistleblowers than anyone else, do you think Edward Snowden should be pardoned?
Literally. That's the name of this episode. Literally.
If you keep surrounding yourself around those people, there's that bad energy. My God, those are the people that you need to start to let go of. What?
This is just a share. Okay. So I'm at the money code.
a very long time ago, it feels like now, but actually it wasn't that long ago. And I don't know why, I just felt like I needed to be in the room. Plus, I wasn't actually going into the room to receive anything from her except for being in the presence of a woman that does not give a f*** about anyone else but herself.
Makes it completely okay.
to be herself. She's not trying to be anyone for anyone except for herself. Can I just rephrase that as well?
I just wanted to be seen. That's fine. That was the best thing I ever did because from there that I actually signed up to light codes because I ran to the back of the room with no fucking idea what I was doing. And went, holy **** grandma pulling the money from, but it's going to happen.
He was a part of my like codes would have known I was going through a soul crumbling situation of business failing, relationship failing, life failing. It all was just gone.
And thanks to the beautiful Nat and the beautiful Warren, since that session and witnessing you guys in your rawness, I'm back with my partner. He is the man that I always knew he could be but never thought I would get to see.
And I'm actually refining my sexual essence.
This is awesome. I lost it for so long there. I didn't want sex. I didn't want any of it. I felt guilt. I felt shame. There was lots of arguments in our relationship about it. And for the first time last night, he came and visited for a night, which was amazing.
You know what I'm saying? And I literally looked at him and I was like, holy f***, I just want to eat him. Yeah!
Yeah, angel number. Unbelievable.
Oh, my God. I got a call from my agent and she goes, oh, I've got an audition for you for a commercial.
And she goes, it's $2,500. I said, even better. And then I did the audition and I got it. Woo! And so you broke even. Yes, I... Way...
I got paid in January. I got paid two thousand six hundred and something dollars.
But I just wanted to say how wonderful it was. I let that money go. You know, it was like a real life.
Okay, I'm going to pay for this course. And then it just came straight back.
Love it. You know, so. And now you can sing on TV every night. Oh, what commercial is it? It's called Lighten Easy. I see you.
But I want to watch you. So I'm going to watch some TV. Hey, I'm Mel. Hello, Mel. So continuing along. Yes. I'm going to become a grandma.
Congratulations. So, Ken, like, do you like code? But ants with their poop.
Because they still all live with me. I have my four boys and partners. It's like, fair game, right? Yeah, baby. They're still under my house. Yeah. Here's the thing, it's like... Not under my house, under my roof.
Smart. Kinesiology, I know, clears a lot of past lives. So that's sort of where I was coming from with the night language of clearing their vessel for when they come through.
Right? Right? Am I right? Powerful. Hello!
Listen to that crowd. They're riled up. I'm not sure who gets a better audience reaction. Taylor Swift at the last Paris concert or Zod at the 21 convention.
I will not bend. There's no bending whatsoever. This is how things are going to be. I have declared it for my... Hello, honey? Hello? Those are my car keys. Where are you going?
The Fifty Shades of Grey movies.
But, but, but, but, but, but, but. Hold on. Hold on. There's qualifications here. But, but, but, but, but.
Well, Chrissy, I don't really know what I'm talking about, but let me try and explain myself. A woman wants a man to have strong leadership energy. We're going to go see this movie. What do you want to see? But then he also wants someone to take care of.
Totally unplanned. That was so good. Brian just read the cover of the book. That's it. I just had no idea that was coming.
Ah, yes, the Warriors propose.
Don't step over the line or I'll hit you with my balls tonight. Pee-pee-poo-poo. Bison, the warriors repose.
I'm going to go murder some of the natives and I'll be right back. I'm going to be like a pussy in your pussy. I'm going to come curl like a pussy right in your pussy.
I just murdered a bunch of people to try and save our civilization. Now get back to my tent.
I know it's under the bridge, but just get back.
I'm starting a silent revolution with my belt buckle. Stare into my belt buckle.
You talk to people at the bus stop, I think is what you meant to say.
Hallelujah. Everybody in the back say what? Everybody in the back say what? Please, somebody run to the microphone.
I mean, it's got to change. The patriarchy's clearly going to be back in style in a few months. Zan, just, any questions? No? Okay, I'll ask a question.
Hey, really great talk. I especially love the end piece about the warriors and poets.
And I was just hoping that you could speak towards... So I'm someone, when I first meet someone, I have a lot of, like, a wide range of interests and ways in which I can act authentically.
Explain, like, how you transition from the warrior to the poet when you're just... He didn't say anything about the poet.
He has no idea what he's talking about. Meeting someone so it doesn't come off as you're being incongruent with yourself totally. If that makes sense. Yeah, kind of.
Well, yeah, kind of. This is a tough one. But let me opine for the next 15 to 20 minutes. I'm going to make a point. I'm going to make a point. I'm going to get to a point here. Just a point and a point. There's a couple of points before I get to the point. I think... I don't know.
If you feel the poet and the penis... Whatever you're talking about.
Hey, girls in the back. Hey, girls in the back. What's your name? I want you in bed.
I'm going to pull out now. I've got a stand-up shower and a tub. Hey, now. No bloodstains on my carpet.
Teaching a generation of young men how not to get laid. Zod period, everybody.
No, it's so defeatist.
I got some questions.
So you have always been known about talking about ease and delight. How would you say that?
In a nutshell, how does one live a life of ease and delight? You know what?
I'll tell you this. I'll tell you this. Let me make some points before making a point. First of all, my ties by the beach.
Oh, the good old Ecclesiastes. Oh, my God. It was like a precursor to... No, no, no. Wizards. No, hold on, hold on. Wizard of Oz, Chrissy.
It goes back to Wizard of Oz.
Says the guy with 500 concubines and all the riches.
Well. And there you are. You're delighted. I guess that sums it up. We've all been delighted.
Nobody's going to remember you? What kind of fucking... There's no delight in that.
It came out changed. I'm sure you did. Just a little light touching you. It's old school of pedoing. Back when pedoing was fun. The warriors did it. Just a little old school of butt patting.
Wow. Way to get the crowd going, Zahn. Pipe them up. Right out the door with death and dismemberment. You're never going to be remembered. So what are we doing here today? Nothing.
later that's my philosophy if not now then when well a little bit later just a little bit later after i take a nap can i get a bite to eat do you mind i'm hungry after 90 day fiance i promise this
When I came out of Nicaragua... When I was embedded with the Sandinistas running drugs... For Jimmy Carter and the CIA.
Let me tell you something. He is all over the place. I thought I had time, but I learned an old Nicaraguan saying. Pretend you're making a point when not making a point. You shall have fabulous riches beyond riches.
Boom. I'm sorry. Can you repeat that? How do you spell renunciation?
Oh, well, that's good. I can just look at the cover and get everything I need to get out of it.
What was he saying again? I said it earlier. What was it?
I thought it was ease and delight, but I guess we've moved on to suffering and sorrow.
You can't climb Everest without a few good reels to go along with it. There's no other point. How am I supposed to get laid when no one saw me at the top of Everest?
Well, what's your phone number, Zahn? Because that's where I want to go. I'm with you, buddy.
I riled him up tonight. I really got him going. I pulled out my Stoics. I pulled out Ecclesiastes on their ass.
Nothing like a little Mark Twain to end the afternoon.
He's one of a kind.
You like the smell.
Chris Christopherson for one.
He is, in fact, still alive and kicking.
My question is for all of us, but it's probably especially for the younger people in the room.
And what advice do you have for young investors who are looking to develop their investment philosophy?
Last year, you mentioned Coca-Cola and American Express being Berkshires.
No, I'm an agnostic.
One of the big questions repeatedly is... Does all that mean you are semi-retired? Or if not, please explain.
I would say that people that are now investing in hedge funds in aggregate are going to be disappointed. And he's also been a critic of hedge funds. And believe me, people don't become a genius just because you walk into some... office and it says hedge funds on the door.
Don't you think it's kind of the perfect metaphor? Yeah, I guess so. He's inside hanging out with the billionaires while all of his supporters are outside in the cold. Yeah, but I think that MAGA is a tough crowd anyway. They're prepared to be left in the cold. Yeah, absolutely.
Expectations definitely changed. We had planned on being here. We were really excited for the parade.
Have you thought about trying to get inside the rotunda?
Not really. I feel like that one's going to be a little tough for us today.
Really? For you guys? I mean, judging by your outfit, can't you just climb the walls? Or judging by your outfit, can't you just break a window?
Yeah, I mean, I personally probably wouldn't break a window. That would really hurt my hand, especially in the cold.
What's the vibe like here right now? Very relaxed. It is relaxed. Somber, almost. I mean, what died? A free press? I don't think anything died. I think we're all just kind of relaxed. Oh, shit. I'm... I'm sorry. Turn around. Slowly, slowly. Don't spook it. Is that the garbage truck?
I've got something that I think is going to bring a smile to your faces. Really? You know what's going to be here today? What? The garbage truck.
Oh, yeah, I saw one.
What? Oh, my gosh. I'm excited. We can't leave. We can't go home. We have to stay.
You say you saw one? Yes, I know. I saw one. I saw one today. I saw it pass by. You don't know if it was the garbage truck? No, I don't know if it was the one. Regardless, you seem excited by it. Oh, yeah, I'm very.
I love your PJs, by the way. Thank you. I think we know who's going to run in 2028. Thank you, Jordan.
I love you.
Scabbing! Yeah, I was scabbed. Scabbing looks.
Yeah.
All right?
The Trump coronation was a weekend full of the usual pomp and circumstance and, strangely, a victory rally celebration the day before the actual celebration celebration. So I headed to our nation's frozen capital to witness the festivities. The golden age of America has arrived.
Not only are we excited here in the U.S., but the world is excited. We're excited to get rid of the old administration, you know, just wipe the slate clean.
Do you do that with, like, dope dance moves or something?
No, we do that with Krypton AI.
But it wasn't all fun and games. Trump was elected to deal with serious issues.
Yes. And why stop there? I mean, New Mexico, that's horseshit.
I think you're going to need everybody to get together to push out those globalist elites. Absolutely. So let's get the richest man in the world from South Africa to come in here and do it. I completely agree. What do you want to see him do, day one?
Well, I want to see them pardon everybody from January 6th. I want them to free our January 6th prisoners right away. I hope that happens right away. Pardon all of them?
Yes, all of them. Really? Yes. Do you pardon everybody from January 6th? I think the majority of the people should be pardoned, honestly. But this guy who stole the podium, shouldn't he be pardoned? Yes. For sure, yes. Yeah, I mean, what's that? Who hasn't grabbed a little Snickers bar or a totem of American democracy and walked out the door, huh? This guy's shooting a gun outside the Capitol.
Should he be pardoned?
That's just my opinion. I know.
Call me old-fashioned. Definitely not.
This guy with a gun shooting a gun outside the Capitol? No, most definitely he should not be pardoned. There were 2.1 million people there. They didn't all storm the Capitol. None of them were armed.
Well, some were armed. Who? This guy. This guy with a gun outside the Capitol. Should he be pardoned? Did he shoot the gun? Is that a real gun or is that a fake gun? He shot the gun up in the air. Yes.
Yes. He should be pardoned. Yes. Because... Yeah, I think he should be pardoned. Why? Because I don't think he should be... I don't think he's... I think you should be pardoned, yeah, absolutely.
What about this guy spraying a bear spray at the police officer? Self-defense. So pardon? Yeah. That's a tough one. Was that from the same day? Yeah, that's January 6th. The most photographed crime in human history.
Okay, well you can show me eight million more. I'm pro pardon. Wow. Where was this at? January 6th. Yeah. You've not seen this image? No, I have not seen that. Have you seen any of these images? Some of them, but not these. Really? Maybe the media that I'm following is not showing these. It could be.
It could be. What media did you follow? All conservatives. Did you watch the January 6th hearings? No, I didn't, no. Okay.
So this is new. So that's my fault. I should have been better informed, yes.
I will say that's a refreshing thing to hear. In the end, it didn't matter because Trump just pardoned this guy and 1,500 of his friends. But this weekend is about joy. One thing you're most excited about seeing today?
That's it.
Yes, this garbage truck.
And these full-grown adults who voted for the president were really, really pumped.
The garbage truck is here?
I did hear that. I did hear it was coming, yeah. What are they talking about?
That's what I'm talking about. A garbage truck is here. Have you heard about that? No. The one that Trump sat in? Yeah. People were hyped to celebrate a new chapter in America. But as Inauguration Day arrived, there was a wrinkle. The ceremonies have been moved inside. And it meant thousands of MAGA faithful were left to aimlessly wander the empty National Mall. Sparsely attended as of now.
Yeah, it's a little calm. I'm kind of surprised at how small the crowd is. Is that disappointing?
What is habeas corpus?
Habeas corpus, excuse me, that's incorrect.
Oh, all right.
Exactly, exactly right.
I did on the show.
When you consider what Mr. Carney just said, that Canada's not for sale, does this make the discussion a little more difficult to start on?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
That's our show for tonight. Now here it is, your Moment of Zen.
Wow. Wow.
Sure, I read that.
It's available now. Click here. Click here. We'll be right back after this. Thank you. Thank you.
Look up what a FUPA is.
LAUGHTER
A new study finds increasing numbers of women outpacing their husbands when it comes to income and education.
State birds should just be flipping the birds. All right.
This is just great.
Exactly what am I looking at here? Bus assignments for the 50-some members of the media.
Where are we? 47, 48, 49, and 50. What do the circles mean? Circles mean you're on the bus. So as you can see, no circle, no bus.
Paramount Podcasts.
I'm just keeping myself cool.
It might have to be.
Everybody get the car!
I think office.
Paramount Podcasts.
Happy New Year!
Of course. No, no, no.
It turns out those were just patrons on the street that were looking inside the coolers.
But...
Oh, no, corona! Ah!
I want to just say thank you very much for understanding the importance of credit. I thank you so much for really working hard on it. Thanks for hanging in there.
You really did a great job, because I really wasn't convinced until I just heard you speak. Well, thank you.
Oh.
When we come back, Colby Domingo will be joining me on the show. Don't go away.
Welcome back to The Daily Show.
That's great. You're going to get one, and you're going to get one, and you're going to get one.
Is that right?
Oh!
I will say, another fun thing, though. You say it. Structurally, it'd be nice for my family to see it as well.
It's true.
I'm a comedian.
Yeah, okay. Okay. Sorry.
Isn't that you?
Oh, good. Okay. If we see a conflict, we just need to say something. Hey, Elon, I know there's a conflict. What? Did that work?
He's old. Tough crowd. Tough crowd. Is this thing on? Is this thing on? Anyone here from Washington, D.C.? Anyone? Are you all from Washington, D.C.?
Some motorists are coming up with clever ways to avoid those toll cameras planted strategically around the city. This brazen driver removed his plates altogether.
I don't like the idea of all those New Jersey people being taxed.
You need cars. Yeah, because cars are very important.
Sie brauchen das Geld für das MTA, es soll 15 Millionen Dollar pro Jahr erhöht werden, also ich fühle mich definitiv in Ordnung, für die Stadt das zu tun.
Ich wüsste, weil der Kriminalrat im Subway nicht die erste Priorität ist.
F*** you too.
Yeah.
Ha!
Right.
That's true.
Oh, sad pick.
Ha! Ha!
You're like, Vietnam. I didn't say Vietnam. We're on the same page, but it seems like we're not.
Who could eat fish in the morning? You people are crazy. Please crack open the child of a chicken for me so I can begin my morning. Would you be so kind? You people are weird. So yeah, I'm excited to do all of it.
He gave out warnings while DJing? Who's having a good time? Too much good time. What are you... Like, police DJs has to be the worst emotional roller coaster, because everywhere else in the world, when the cops show up, it's like, aw, party's over. But I remember, it's like, dude, dude, the cops are here. Party time! Every song is like this.
Put your hands in the air. Now, come on. Get down. I said drop the beat. Drop the beat. Whoop, whoop, whoop.
People are smoking pot. You smell it up and down the street.
Everywhere I look, there's motorcycles and naked women and the cocaine. Here is the good shit. It's so wild. When I moved here a week ago, I was 20 years old.
Hey kids, think Miami Beach is all about fun and partying? Well, there's a whole other side of Miami you haven't seen. Like mosquitoes, sunburn, jellyfish, and so many douchebags in Ed Hardy. You'll wish those jellyfish stunned your eyes. Miami is in the center of it all. including climate change. So bring an umbrella. You want to see skin? We've got hotties.
Ever see a guy's balls dip below his bathing suit? You will hear. Miami Beach. You'll have more fun at home.
Jesus.
What do you mean there's good pizza in Chicago? Have you tried that deep dish Chicago pizza? Yeah, but the inmates didn't want that. So you're telling me even in jail, people did not want deep dish pizza?
I learned more how to work with a lot of other people. Basically, I've learned how to eat better.
Ether, the cryptocurrency that lives on the decentralized Ethereum platform. It's actually a much more programmable cryptocurrency than Bitcoin. That doesn't mean anything. What is it? We created a platform for decentralized applications. Does everyone in cryptocurrency talk like you? Pretty much.
Ether's real. It's based on faith in the Ethereum blockchain. When you get enough people believing in cryptocurrency, then you can snowball into something that a society actually deems valuable, like the US dollar. Whoa, what do you mean the US dollar? The US dollar is based on faith in the system.
Unfortunately, that's true.
Yes? Hey, so as someone who's raising a kid of your own, what advice do you have for young people when making well-informed political decisions?
We're out here just spreading the message that we're recruiting right now actively for police officers.
Are you guys ready? Yeah! Alright, you got your thinking caps on?
The abundance of the over-drinking. These young ladies who are disgracing themselves by running around acting like that. Women take their tops off. That young girl standing on the box with no bottom on her.
It's up to the parents to instruct the kids. It's time for parents to start parenting. It really comes down to parents.
I used a lot of cocaine in my life, and I've got good cocaine and bad cocaine. I'll guarantee you the stuff they're selling down here is bad.
One guy dressed as the Joker climbed on top of a car with an American flag, tossed dollar bills, and declared COVID's over.
If you were a kitchen utensil, which one would you choose? What the ?
Do you think that you coming to New York affected your comedy and everything rather than going to LA or something?
most memorable guests like so far in conversation that you've had over the years because both of you for a really long time so kind of for both of you it's a question.
What do you think are the three to five biggest issues facing the president-elect, and what should we be looking
Which one is your favorite restaurant in New York? We're looking for a potty restaurant, potty restaurant.
Did you know that? Have you ever convinced someone or been able to show them how incongruous their views are compared to their beliefs?
Do you think that anything will convince them otherwise?
Speaking of the danger you talked about, what was the scariest moment for you?
What if somebody actually wanted to audition to be on the show as a correspondent?
Paramount Podcasts.
Oh, yeah. Give it up for that economic growth, people. You down with GDP? Yeah, you know me. Hit him with another one, Joe.
Yeah!
He noticed me.
All the other judges were like, oh, shit! We concur! Usually the judge says this is constitutional or unconstitutional, okay? But this is, like, next-level unconstitutional. This is like if you took a pregnancy test and it said you are the least pregnant anyone's ever been in 40 years. But Trump doesn't expect all these executive orders to pass legal scrutiny.
He's signing those things the way, like, guys swipe right on every Tinder profile, okay? Yo, he just needs one or two to hit, and that's the weekend, baby! Okay? The point is, Trump is going to try whatever he can to shut the border down. And last night, Trump sat down for some conversation and light manspreading with Sean Hannity to explain why.
In an Oval Office sit-down last night, President Trump repeated false claims that other countries are sending their prisoners here.
You did do that. Like, three days ago. With the... With the Gen 6 thing, remember? That guy handed you all those cheesecake factory menus and you signed them all? That was the thing. But look, Trump doesn't care whether migrants are technically criminals or not because he can tell just by looking at them.
Breaking news, old man not fan of tattoos. And yeah, probably the guys with face tattoos aren't going to be bankers. But maybe bankers should have face tattoos. I mean, one teardrop for every loan application they've denied. Hey, stay clear of JP Morgan. That guy's loco.
Friday night massacre. Late Friday night purge. A chilling purge. The purge.
No!
He can't just fire these people.
There is a specific law that requires notice, 30 days, and a statement of reasons. Substantive and detailed rationale.
They are offensive. They are un-American. This is one of the most egregious, despicable acts In American history.
This is textbook authoritarian takeover 101.
President Trump deploying executive action to end birthright citizenship.
This unconstitutional, un-American attack.
We do begin tonight with the federal judge blocking President Trump's executive order that would end birthright citizenship. And we're back.
Ooh, man.
Donald Trump promised to be a dictator on day one, and he's carried that forward through the entire week. Five days into this administration, the abuse is already rampant.
Well, the rest of the week, shredding the Constitution as he went.
On a fascism scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being peak fascism, how would you rate Trump's first week?
Donald Trump was busy getting our military in shape so he can finally fulfill our country's month-old dream of conquering Greenland. And first, we're going to need to have as many troops as possible.
President Trump has signed several executive orders to reshape the military, including directive banning transgender service members.
Okay, did I say as many troops? I mean fewer troops, right? You know what they say in the Army, less is more. Look, maybe they don't say that. I don't know, but that's... Look, I don't have a problem with transgender soldiers. As someone who pees himself anytime he hears a loud noise, I think we should be grateful to anyone who's willing to put their life on the line so I don't have to.
But hey, yeah, okay. But I'm open-minded about being closed-minded, so what's the issue here?
President Trump signed an executive order calling transgender people unfit to serve.
One part says being transgender is, quote, not consistent with the humility and selflessness required of a service member.
Another says being trans conflicts with, quote, an honorable, truthful, and disciplined lifestyle, even in one's personal life.
Yeah, well, look, you know, it makes sense that the military has to be honorable, truthful, and disciplined. You know, sure, this is your secretary of defense, but that's all the more reason... That's all the more reason that the rest of them have to have their shit together.
It's like how every Beatles album had to be packed with hits to make up for that one song that Ringo wrote about wanting to f*** an octopus or whatever. I gotta say, the military sure has a lot of ethical rules for their mission of killing people. Hey, you want to blow some guy's head off? You better say please and thank you.
But to be fair, Trump had another argument against trans soldiers as well.
Oh, up to 12 months. Do you know how long our wars last? I think they'll have you back in the game in no time. Vietnam War, 11 years. Afghanistan War, 20 years. Even our storage wars last 15 seasons. First of all, transgender people make up 0.1% of the military.
So, Commander-in-Chief, you're ruining the lives of people who are dedicated to serving America while doing nothing to affect the larger military. I don't see why a transition surgery should affect readiness more than any other surgery. Trump is acting like they're doing transition surgeries on the front lines. Medic! I need a medic over here! We gotta get this guy a labia! Stat!
Also, what do you mean readiness? Modern war is just telling a drone to drop bombs. Pretty sure it doesn't matter what your sex is to go like this. That's how they drop bombs. But Trump isn't just doing bad things to good people. He's also doing good things to bad people.
It's been a week since he pardoned everyone who had a normal tourist visit to the Capitol on January 6th, and I'm sure they're making the most of their second chance, right?
A man pardoned by President Trump for his role in the January 6th riot was shot and killed by an Indiana deputy during a traffic stop. Okay, well, except for that guy.
I mean, that guy really wasted a presidential pardon. Am I... Look, if I ever get a presidential pardon, I'll tell you what I'm not going to do. I'm not going to get shot to death.
So what exactly happened there? Police say the deputy tried to arrest Matthew Huddle on Sunday, but he resisted and the deputy shot him. Investigators say Huddle had a gun.
Hmm. A routine traffic stop ending in the police shooting a man they claimed had a gun. Ordinarily, this is the kind of thing liberals would cry police brutality. But if it's a January 6th, sir, you know, I've... I have a feeling they're going to be like, oh, look, we need to back the blue on this one.
Liberals are getting so much whiplash trying to decide if this cop is bad or good, Rachel Maddow is going to be the neck brace. But aside from the ones who are dead, all the rest of the January 6th writers who Trump released from prison must be so happy right now.
Houston authorities are trying to find a man pardoned by Donald Trump for his role in the January 6th riots. Andrew Take is wanted for a 2016 charge of a solicitation of a minor.
Okay, well, not that guy also. But stop. But look, any group as large as the January 6th crowd is going to have one sex creep in it. You know, there's probably one in our audience right now. Raise your hand if you're a sex creep. That guy in the plaid shirt, that woman... Sir, come on. The point is, all the rest of the partners, they're fine. They're doing fine.
A Mint Hill man who pleaded guilty to his involvement in January 6th is possibly facing other charges. Court documents show David Daniel is facing child pornography charges.
Wait, wait, wait, wait. What? I'm starting to worry that the people who broke into the Capitol and took a shit on Nancy Pelosi's desk are not upstanding citizens. You know what?
Forget about those two pedophiles. Andrew Kyle Grigsby of Louisville, who was pardoned for spraying Capitol Police with bear spray, is currently incarcerated in a Kentucky prison for two counts of child pornography.
Jesus Christ! At this point, it might have been better for them just to stay in prison, you know? At least then they were heroes. Now they're all going to individual prisons for child pornography. Like, so, uh, do you guys have a choir? Trump's been busy these last few days, signing orders, reinstalling the Diet Coke button, grabbing Panama by the canal.
But it was only a matter of time until he had to start presidenting for real. This morning, he held a press conference to address the tragic plane crash in Washington, D.C. last night. And remember, one of the most important things a leader can do in a rapidly developing, difficult situation is to calm people down, stick to the facts, and keep your uninformed opinions to yourself.
I mean, or... or we can just speculate wildly. Why not? I get a little bit nervous when Trump has a strong opinion. You know, it's never something unifying. Like, sunsets are beautiful, or love is the answer. But... This is a new term, and he's only a few days in, so let's give him the benefit of the doubt. What's Trump's opinion about what happened in D.C.?
Damn you, diversity initiatives. Why are you responsible for every historical tragedy? The fires in Los Angeles, DEI. The bridge collapse in Baltimore, DEI. The Irish potato famine, DEI. Slavery, DEI. Did you ever notice how many minorities were at slavery? It's all DEI. Just to be clear, Mr. President, you have evidence that diversity initiatives are responsible for this tragic crash.
You're not just saying this, right? Right?
I'm trying to figure out how you can come to the conclusion right now that diversity had something to do with this crash.
There you go. No, no, no, no. There you go. There you go. He has common sense. It's just a coincidence that his common sense happens to align with his long-held prejudices. So let's spin the big wheel of blame to see which minorities are responsible for this crash. Who will it be this time? Black people? Lesbians? Trans-Armenians?
Dwarfism? I can't believe it's only day 10 and Trump is already this far down his list of scapegoats. He's blown past race and gender and now he's hitting dwarves? Is he really suggesting there was a plane crash because someone with dwarfism worked in air traffic control?
Does Trump think they couldn't see the control panel and they were just reaching up and pushing buttons hoping it would work out? I just want to say that people with dwarfism are just like everyone else. In fact, their penises are normal size. Which means proportionally, they're huge. So in a way, you could say that I'm the one looking up to them. That's a thinker. That's a thinker.
A lot of different layers in there. You might be thinking, well, that's progress. You know, he used to blame everything on past administrations. But don't worry, he got them in there, too.
You're blaming Obama? The guy from three presidents ago? Forget blaming a fart on your dog. This is blaming the fart on your dog that died when you were eight. I still think about you, Henry. Such stinky farts he had. Look, Mr. President, I know you're scared that people might hold you responsible now that you're president, because you're the president, Mr. President.
And it's time to just be a man, okay? Real men don't point fingers. Real men find solutions. Real men show leadership. Real men moisturize. Guys, you've got to take care of your skin. You've got to take care of your skin. Yeah. Yeah. The skin is the biggest organ on the body. Unless you're a dwarf, then it's the second biggest.
Elon Musk's sweeping push to make over the federal government, sparking democratic panic and warnings of a constitutional crisis.
Now we have learned that his team has gained access to something extraordinarily sensitive, the system that the Treasury Department uses to disperse almost every check and expenditure of any kind made by the U.S. government.
That is a vast database with millions of Americans' personal information on it.
Longtime government employees this week were shocked to find that their new supervisors from Elon Musk's Doge department include recent college and high school graduates between 19 and 24 years old. One of the young men is apparently a former intern at Musk's Neuralink company, who goes by the online handle Big Balls.
tremendous unrest inside the fbi as prosecutors and agents who worked on the january 6 investigation are being targeted it looks like a wholesale purge of the fbi as you know already the eight top officials at the federal bureau of investigation have either been fired or forced to resign now the fbi is being asked to produce a list of
Every employee who worked on any case related to January 6th, I am told this is some 6,000 FBI employees all told.
This morning, a stunning proposal from an American president. Donald Trump with the Israeli prime minister by his side, declaring that the U.S. will take over the Gaza Strip.
President Trump made a surprising suggestion last night during a press conference with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. The United States, he said, should take over the war-torn Gaza Strip and redevelop it into something like a seaside resort.
Donald Trump calling for the permanent resettlement of roughly 2 million Palestinians.
And he says he's willing to use the US military to do it.
You see things others refuse to see. You say things others refuse to say. And after the jaws drop, people scratch their heads and they say, you know, he's right.
The president said his intention was to remove Palestinians from Gaza permanently. If we can get a beautiful area to resettle people permanently. But today, the press secretary said it would be temporary.
The president has made it clear that they need to be temporarily relocated out of Gaza for the rebuilding of this effort.
This is an unhabitable place for human beings.
Breaking just a short time ago, President Trump seemed to backtrack, but also to double down on his plan to take over Gaza.
At the White House today, President Trump signing an executive order banning transgender women and girls from competing in women's sports.
This is a proclamation declaring today, February 9th, 2025, as the first ever Gulf of America Day.
We have watched as the 47th president of the United States has been sworn in, the cornerstone of democracy.
Ladies and gentlemen, if you could please direct your attention out the right side of the aircraft.
Air Force One is currently in international waters for the first time in history flying over the recently renamed Gulf of America.
This is the true transfer of power here of the current president and the former president making this walk.
This process is what distinguishes the United States from a lot of other parts of the world. Yeah, it's all just normal shit.
PRESIDENT TRUMP SAYS HE'S GOING TO REVERSE JOE BIDEN'S MANDATE TO PHASE OUT PLASTIC STRAWS SAYING ENJOY YOUR NEXT DRINK WITHOUT A STRAW THAT DISGUSTINGLY DISSOLVES IN YOUR MOUTH. YOU!
Which further back do we need to go?
Also... Oh, Jesus.
With just 20 minutes or so left in his presidency, we've just gotten word from President Biden that he is pardoning his brothers, their wives, his sister, other family members. He says that he is doing this because baseless and politically motivated investigations wreak havoc on the lives of individuals. It's all just normal.
Arizona House Republican Andy Biggs introduced a bill this week that would abolish OSHA, a Department of Labor agency tasked with overseeing workplace safety.
What?
Why not just bring back child labor while you're at it? When you talk about school lunches, hey, I worked my way through high school. I know about you, but I worked since I was, before I was even 13 years old, I was picking berries in the field before we had child labor laws that precluded that.
Vice President J.D. Vance, he had some interesting words about the separation of power and government.
He's for it? If a judge tried to tell a general how to conduct a military operation, that would be illegal. If a judge tried to command the attorney general on how to use her discretion as a prosecutor, that's also illegal. Judges aren't allowed to control the executive's legitimate power.
There are some things we can do, but the Republicans are in the majority in the Senate and the House. We're going to need some Republicans, frankly, who are willing to lose, who are willing to be a Liz Cheney and say, I will lose my seat to do the right thing by this country, not the right thing by Donald Trump. I haven't seen it yet. Let's hope.
Democratic Congressman Dan Goldman of New York.
Donald Trump has been imposing a lot of tariffs since he took office, and if the nature and scope of these tariffs confuses you, don't worry, you're not the only one.
Thank you, sir. Next, in 2018, you imposed ad valorem duties tariffs on imports of steel at a 25% rate. Since that time, a large number of exclusions and exceptions to that tariff rule have been implemented.
Because of the damage to the United States steel industry that those exceptions and exclusions have imposed, we're now, this order would reimpose that 25% ad valorem tariff rate on imports of steel, and it's presented for your signature now. Okay.
Do you understand what that means? I mean, why don't you tell me, President of the United States, what this means? Explain ad valorem to me like I was a child. This is Trump's own policy, and he's so bored by it. And you can tell, because at one point, he gets so bored, he just starts peeking into a random folder on the desk. Like, what's in here, candy bars? Picture of boobs? What do we got?
Oh, oh, oh, just more falters. Why is this guy still talking? Yesterday was a busy day at the White House. First, Trump met with the king of Jordan, the country, Jordan. You're not the boss of me, King Abdullah II, okay?
Of course, Trump invited the king to discuss his plan to displace two million people and turn Gaza into the Atlantic City of the Middle East, which sounds pretty clear-cut to me, but apparently the nitpickers in the media still have questions.
You've said before that the U.S. would buy Gaza, and today you just said we're not going to buy Gaza. We're not going to have to buy.
There's no problem and nobody's going to question it? Trump is like a Jedi who doesn't have the force. I'll take Gaza. Nobody's going to question it. Nobody. Is this thing working? Is this thing... Is this... Trump has another plan to convince the haters. A charm offensive.
Oh!
Okay. So it's going to be an ethnic cherishing. I got it. Okay, okay. I mean, how did that start like a Mussolini speech and end as a boys-to-men song? We will take the land, it will be ours, and we're gonna make love to you. Like you want us to, and I'll hold it tight, baby, all through the night.
One thing I find weird about Donald Trump saying he wants to run Gaza is that from what we've seen so far, he barely wants to run the United States. For weeks, people have been raising alarms about how Trump seems to be handing way too much power over to Elon Musk. And yesterday, Trump replied, I hear you. You want me to give more power to Elon Musk.
President Trump setting new guidelines for hiring in the federal workforce, while giving more power to Elon Musk and his team at the Department of Government Efficiency, or DOGE. A new executive order directs government agencies to pursue large-scale cuts, saying they now need hiring approval from DOGE.
Yes. Elon Musk is now in charge of all government hilings. Hirens. Hirens. Hirens. Sorry. I didn't say that right. Right. I didn't say it right. Yeah, okay. Okay. Sorry. Okay. I don't know why I keep Hitler. Misspeaking. I... I don't know why I keep misspeaking. So this was already a pretty unusual thing for a president to do.
But Trump being Trump, he had to make it even more ridiculous by introducing it with a full-on circus act in the Oval Office. And look at this scene. Musk is holding court with his hands tented like a Bond villain, probably to stop him from doing a Nazi salute. With his... With his four-year-old child in tow. I mean, that poor kid.
His dad literally runs SpaceX, and Elon took him to a meeting on federal spending. Dad, are we gonna get to see the rockets? No, son, we're gonna discuss budgets because I'm a shitty dad. I mean, everything about this event was so bizarre. Trump was sitting quietly for half an hour, retreating to his happy place, thinking about Arnold Palmer's giant doge.
And who thought cloning Stephen Miller was a good idea? I mean, is it for spare parts? I mean, they look like a before and even more before picture. Okay? I mean... Okay, but all right.
Leaving aside this Renaissance painting done by the dogs playing poker guy, it's good that we have Elon Musk here, because we've been watching him slashing programs and shuttering agencies for a month now, and we can finally ask Elon, why are you doing this?
If the people cannot vote and have their will be decided by their elected representatives in the form of the president and the Senate and the House, then we don't live in a democracy, we live in a bureaucracy. So it's incredibly important that the president, the House, and the Senate decide what happens as opposed to a large, unelected bureaucracy.
Wow. Wow. I mean, you see why this guy's a genius. You don't want an unelected bureaucrat running the country. It makes a lot of sense. No questions here. I do have one question, though. Isn't that you? I mean... I mean, am I... Am I going crazy? Because it feels like I'm watching Drake sing Not Like Us at karaoke. Like, does he not know?
Remember during the campaign, Donald Trump made some big promises about how quickly and easily he was going to end that war.
Ha! I'm going to do it back to the future and end this war before it even starts. Go back in time, kiss my mom, maybe have sex with her. What am I talking about? What was I talking about? So here we are, one month into that first 24 hours, and Donald Trump is finally ready to negotiate.
But it's going to be tough, which is why he started out with a quick warm-up negotiation first, an old-fashioned prisoner swap with Russia. Let's see how it went.
Russia freed a wrongfully detained American teacher. Mark Fogle returning to the U.S. after more than three years in Russian captivity, imprisoned for carrying a small amount of medically prescribed marijuana. In exchange, the U.S. releasing Russian cybercrime kingpin Alexander Vinnick.
What? You traded a cybercrime kingpin for public school teacher Mark Fogle? This is like if the Dallas Mavericks traded Luka Doncic... for public school teacher Mark Fogel. I mean, at least the teacher we got back is the cool teacher. He smokes weed and he's been to jail. I mean, you know, you know he's showing movies in fourth period. Also, Americans, stop smoking weed in Russia.
If you need to relax, try not being in Russia. Okay, okay, now that Trump got all warmed up, it's time for the main event.
This morning, President Trump pledging to meet with Russian President Putin in person after announcing they've agreed to start negotiations immediately to end the war in Ukraine.
President Trump saying, quote, I just had a lengthy and highly productive phone call with President Vladimir Putin of Russia. We discussed Ukraine, the Middle East, energy, artificial intelligence, the power of the dollar, and various other subjects.
I'd like to know what those various other subjects were. I mean, it's a tad suspicious. It's like a husband coming back from a Vegas bachelor party saying, yeah, we ate some great food, we saw the sphere, did various other things. Anyway, you should get a prescription for Valtrex. So, Trump has now set the stage for face-to-face negotiations with Putin on the future of Ukraine.
But Trump won't be going into this alone. He also has Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, a man who does not take no for an answer, according to police reports. So, get ready, Putin, because you're about to face the toughest negotiations of your life.
Yesterday, that dude signed over 100 executive actions. I mean, look at them. He froze the federal hiring bill, something about genders. Then he said Cuba's a state-sponsored terrorist now. He renamed a mountain. Dishwashers are less efficient. He can do that? Look, he has so many executive actions, they had to scroll through the tracks like it was an ad for, now that's what I call MAGA.
Pete Hegseth, speaking at NATO headquarters during his first trip to Europe, was blunt, saying Ukraine's long-sought membership in NATO isn't realistic. Neither is thinking Ukraine can regain all the territory Russia has seized.
We must start by recognizing that returning to Ukraine's pre-2014 borders is an unrealistic objective.
Measures that will likely be welcomed by Putin, prompting questions about whether Trump is giving up his leverage to negotiate with Russia.
Speaking in unusually blunt terms, the German defense minister accusing the Trump administration of making concessions to Putin before these peace negotiations have even begun.
Okay, so before negotiations even start, America gave up the two things Russia most wants? I mean, how do Hank Seth and Trump not know how to negotiate? Between the two of them, they've been divorced 97 times. I mean, if your opening move is giving away the house, the car, and the kids, best case scenario, you're leaving court with half of a golden retriever.
I mean, no one's gonna be happy with that, except for maybe RFK Jr., but... I guess there's still plenty of stuff to negotiate. For example, you know, which animal will Zelensky be fed to once the Russians take over? Probably a lion, but could be a shark, you know? There's room there. Whichever animal it is, it'll probably fall out of a window.
Regardless, Trump is not gonna go driving a hard bargain on Ukraine's behalf, and that's fine. But as long as Ukraine is an equal member of this peace process, they'll get some of what they want.
Yikes! That's like when my dentist asks if I floss. That's an interesting question. I gotta go. Okay, so this is not looking good for Ukraine. Imagine not even being invited to your own peace negotiations. It's like if your wife told you she wanted a threesome and then asked what night she'll be away on business. Have so much fun, sweetie. I'm strong enough for this.
It's okay, I had it coming after Vegas. Now, you might think it's unfair to put Ukraine in this position after they were the ones invaded, but that's not exactly how Trump sees things.
Not a good war to go into? They were invaded. It wasn't their idea. Little advice for the back of Abraham Lincoln's head. Don't get hit by a bullet. Not smart. Look. Here. Clearly, this is going to be a complex negotiation, and it couldn't have come at a worse time for Trump, because he's also busy with his second job.
Last week, he declared himself the chairman of Washington's Kennedy Center for the Arts, the government's premier arts institution. And if you're thinking, wait, Trump is completely unqualified to think about art, don't worry. He brought along an equally unqualified board to help him out.
He was elected by a board that he recently shook up, replacing appointees by Democratic presidents with Trump loyalists. As for the board, it now includes Attorney General Pam Bondi, Second Lady Usha Vance, Chief of Staff Susie Wiles, Deputy Chief of Staff Dan Scamino, Alison Letnick, who's the Commerce Secretary's wife.
Okay, okay. First of all, what's up with this photo? Oh, you need a headshot of Mr. Scavito? Unfortunately, the only picture that exists of him is from when he walked in on his parents bumping uglies. But hey, Donald Trump loves arts and entertainment, and you could hear his genuine passion in a phone call he had with the board.
I think we're going to do something very special. It got very wokey, and some people were not happy with it, and some people refused to go, and we're not going to have that. We're going to have something that will be very, very exciting, and we'll do things both physically and in every other way to make the building look even better. I think we're going to make it hot.
We made the presidency hot, so this should be easy.
I'm sorry, hot? Only Trump would look at a building and go, eh, un-
And being the showman that he was, Trump wasn't going to sign these behind a desk with a pen and paper like a nerd, okay? No, he turned this into an arena show.
President Trump has made a series of false assertions blaming Ukraine for starting the war.
But it's all Russia's. But that's Russia's fault, though, Mr. President.
But, Mr. President, that's all... That's Vladimir Putin's fault.
But no, no, I hear you, Mr. President, but you know who's to blame for that. Don't you think it's Vladimir Putin that did the invasion unwarranted to try to take back land he had no right to? And don't you think fundamentally that's that? And if you could just get now, now both sides want to talk, it seems. So we should just get to that point.
At Capital One Arena in front of a crowd of supporters, Trump putting into motion his day one actions.
After President Trump signed the executive orders at a desk that was placed on stage, he had a pile of pins. Well, President Trump decided to toss the pins to some of his supporters.
That is the most beautiful language.
I have no idea what he's saying, but that is elegant, beautiful language.
I mean, this war costed all of us a lot of money. And this is the responsibility of Russia, because the aggressor is Russia.
No, in fact, to be frank, we paid. We paid 60% of the total effort. And it was through, like the U.S., loans, guarantee, grants, and we provided real money.
I want to know what is your idea about Italy, if you want to make the same thing.
Can you talk a little louder? You have a beautiful voice, but you're not... Where are you from? Italy. From Italy. Oh, I love Italy.
Wow. Whoever caught that pen is so lucky. I mean, that is going to be such a cool thing for those guys to show their kids once they get their visitation rights back. And even after, even after he got back to the White House, he just kept signing. I mean, this guy was so in the zone, he didn't even know what he was signing.
I can't understand a word he's saying.
I can't believe Doge is going around looking for inefficiencies. Meanwhile, Trump has an English-to-English translator.
What is this one? Withdrawing from the World Health Organization. Ooh.
He's withdrawing from the World Health Organization like he's hearing the dessert options. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll have the tiramisu and potential measles outbreak with that. I mean, if you could put anything in front of him yesterday, he would have signed it. Melania, now's your chance to update the prenup. Go, go, go, go. But, you know... But you know what?
Would a Russian oligarch be eligible for a gold card?
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I'm not going to be shitting on President Trump, okay? Okay, sure, he pulled out of the WHO. Who are those guys? What are the odds there's ever going to be a pandemic requiring global cooperation? So I'm going to go to President Trump with an open mind. You know, he won the election, which means he's a great guy who's right. So I'm sure his executive orders are reasonable.
Trump pulled the U.S. out of the Paris Climate Accords.
Okay, okay, look, he, I know that sounds bad for these woke liberals, but like, does it really matter? You know, one year we're in, next year we're out. We've been doing the hokey pokey with these guys for like 12 years. They don't even put us in a group chat anymore, okay? Also, news flash, Paris Accord, yo, we're not going to reach the mission goals anyway, OK? This world is over.
It's just an excuse to go to Paris, which overrated, OK? So fine, he's taking us out of anything that involves the rest of the world, OK? I'm sure there's other executive orders that aren't any worse.
Among the many executive orders President Trump signed on Monday was this one, pausing the TikTok ban for 75 days. He says the United States should broker a deal to own half of the platform.
See? Yo, he brought back TikTok. Just as my brain was regaining its higher-order functions. I mean, oh, my God, that was close. Now, if you remember, TikTok was originally banned because everyone thinks it gives China too much influence over Americans. And to be fair, before I started using TikTok, I was a white guy from Iowa, okay? But the point... The point is, the people have spoken, okay?
We want China to change our brains. What absolute idiot even thought of banning it in the first place? We're looking at TikTok.
Okay. Yeah, thank you, President Trump, for saving us from that guy. What I'm saying is all these executive orders aren't bad, okay? I mean, what else is he doing?
And Trump is gonna try, through executive order, to end birthright citizenship. It's a constitutional right that those born on American soil are U.S. citizens regardless of their parents' immigration status.
Okay, okay, that does sound like a major change. Birthright citizenship has been in the Constitution for over 100 years. But, on the other hand, should you just be a U.S. citizen just because you were born here? I mean, I think all citizens should have to prove that they're truly American by taking a quiz on American history and failing it. Okay? If your score...
If your score's above 60, you're going back to Asia or whatever shithole country has educational standards. And to be fair, nothing too extreme so far. I mean, it sounds like there's a campaign Trump that says things to win, and then there's a President Trump who rules more moderately.
Overnight, with the stroke of a pen, President Trump issuing sweeping pardons to nearly all of the rioters charged for their actions on January 6th.
Trump even granting clemency to the more than 600 people charged with assaulting or resisting law enforcement.
Okay, look, freeing violent criminals from prison seems less moderate and more like something Bane did, okay? But you know what? If you know your history in that situation, Batman fixed it, okay? So concerns are overblown. And look, these guys have been in prison for like two whole months already, okay? I'm sure they've learned their lesson.
Jacob Chansley, we know him as also the QAnon shaman. He put out something on social media where he said, I got a pardon, baby. Thank you, President Trump. Now I'm gonna buy some mother effing guns.
It's almost the end of Trump's first week in office. And he's done a lot. He shut down windmills. He saved TikTok. He caught Carmen Sandiego. And the man just can't stop, won't stop. On Monday, he wiped out all federal DEI programs. And yesterday, he ordered that if anyone Anyone, if you see anyone trying to be inclusive, you better tell teacher.
The Trump administration asking federal workers to snitch on their coworkers in a rollback of diversity, equity, and inclusion programs.
Employees have been told to report any colleagues who work in diversity, equity, and inclusion roles, or they could face consequences. NBC News obtained emails sent to multiple agencies that say some of these programs are disguised using coded or imprecise language.
Yeah, you hear that? Don't even think about doing DEI in secret, all right? Don't be meeting up in back alleys like, yo, yo, you guys need lesbian resumes for me today? And I know you think DI was only invented in 2020 by Democrats looking for a fresh new way to lose elections, but Donald Trump is dedicated to rooting out DI all throughout history.
One of the president's executive orders revokes an executive order signed by President Lyndon Johnson in 1965 that the Trump administration says mandated affirmative action.
That's right, Donald Trump went back in time to kill baby DEI. It's kind of impressive that he got this much focus. Trump is doing deep dives into these obscure old policies like he's MAGA John Oliver. And look, I'm not going to pretend to know more about civil rights law than Donald Trump. I mean, he's been sued over it many times.
If a discrimination law has been around since 1965, it might be a load-bearing civil rights thing, so maybe don't touch it. But DEI is not the only thing Trump is shutting down. He's also shutting down illegal immigration. In fact, it was probably the biggest thing he talked about during the campaign, aside from Arnold Palmer's penis, which is... Actually a thing that happened.
But today, Trump faced his first setback. Breaking news out of Seattle.
A federal judge has just temporarily blocked President Trump's order attempting to end birthright citizenship. The judge in this case is saying that they have been on the bench for over four decades. And this is a quote from the judge inside the courtroom. I can't remember another case where the question presented is as clear as this one. This is a blatantly unconstitutional order.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What does the Constitution have to do with this? The Constitution is for gun stuff, okay? Who died to make this woke activist a judge, huh? Oh. Ronald Reagan. That liberal cuck. This judge has been judging for four decades and has never seen something, and I quote, so blatantly unconstitutional. I mean, that's like the judge equivalent of a Kendrick diss track.
That's right. We lost. We're like, how do I look? We're like, how do I look? They kicked us all out of ESPN. Yes. America hates us. The media lost. We lost already.
It's good.
I'm 56. I've been forgetting them for five years. I've given up hundreds of dollars in fines. I haven't gotten a name right since 2018.
My brother died. I'm broken. I'm broken. He cares about his career. He doesn't care about human grief. It's hard starting a business. I've told you this thousands of times. You're tired of hearing it.
Curiosity, based on the school that you have, Dan Patrick, when it comes to your voice, it controls the radio. People that don't have your voice, what do you say to the people that want to be the Paulies? and the producers of the world. How does that work?
You can do it with an annoying voice, too. Yeah.
I'm here to please. So my dad and I traveled from Tampa just for this event today. Yeah! Thank you. We've been watching both the shows. I'm a Patrick fan. He's a Levitard fan. We've been watching and we've been debating. And the big debate is, who came up with stat of the day first? We've been arguing.
I'm here. I'm here. I'm here by accident. I'm kind of here by accident with my husband, Steve, who's 63, and his little buddy over here, David.
No, husband. My husband's, well, David wants to be my husband.
But so he's 30, he's 35. Here's a question though. Like my two young, I have two sons, 35 and 30 now. They grew up listening to you, Dan Patrick, with my husband. And my friend Jane Ann has two sons, same thing. You're 68. You're 68 now. I'm 63. I still work. How do you stay relatable? to younger people? Like I'm looking around the room, I see the generation that's in the room.
How do you continue to stay and how do you feel about staying relatable?
I'm sorry, is that the older people or the younger people? Would that be the older or the younger? But how do you plan to stay relatable until you retire to the younger people? I mean, you need that crowd, right? We're going to be gone soon. So how do you do that?
All right, we got one more question over here. My question's for Levitard. If you were to put a percentage on it, what percentage of Stugatz is bit and what percentage is actual Stugatz?
No, he's not friends with Greg Cody. He's only friends with me.
Oh, come on, man. Come on. Come on.
Thank you, Dan!
Thank you, Dan!
All right, let's go to a question right back here. Okay, John, so you mentioned twice other men in your life. Once was when your dad transitioned from being a cop to a pastor. He kind of pushed you to go find those other men. And then also just even after your transition to Nashville, how did you find the men that you would call your close friends? Like what did you look for in those people?
I tried to find people that I could add value to.
from another guy friend what do you want the experience to be when you're hanging out with them yeah so i've i've thought about this a good bit i would say i would describe good friends are friends that are going to risk the relationship for the good of the relationship and the way that would play out is someone who's willing to make me feel uncomfortable for my good
Because at any point, if they make me uncomfortable, I can just up and leave and don't have to address it. But a lot of times it's those friends that are willing to do that that I know are true, like very good friends. And it's like friends that do that are rare because not many people want to have those conversations that are going to make you good as a person or make you better.
But the times that I have had friends do that for me that in the moment, not appreciative of it, later on.
It sounds like you've done this before, but vulnerability and honesty is an attractive quality, and it's kind of getting to what you were saying where you have to search out those people and have real relationships to find people that are... Honest. Like vulnerability is honesty. That's right.
All right, right here. So, John, you have spoken a number of times. I like to think about it like what is the one thing to solve that solves all the other things? And I think you've mentioned a number of times, which is this stake in the ground at home. Yeah.
So if you and a partner are trying to co-create a future together, it sounds like not being on the same page or not working together are some of the reasons why the workplace has become the outlet for those things. So how would you, if a relationship is not oriented in that way, What are either the detriments, the things that are missing that most people are just not seeing?
Or what are the impediments that you see that are there that need to be removed?
Yeah. I'm a super driven entrepreneur. She's a small town girl, stays at home.
There you go. So I think our challenge has always been kind of how do we sync those? Where I'm like in a million places and she's like, I just want your attention. My attention's all the way over here. In talking with other guys, they have very similar like, I'm trying to protect, I'm trying to provide, I'm trying to do all these things while also fulfilling. Can I push on you? Yeah, go ahead.
They do.
Thank you. Early on, when you started your introduction, you used the word tools a couple of times, hammer, chisel. And then, you know, we got statistic 41 percent of the challenges people face in the workplace. As leaders, tell us what are the two most important tools that we can have in our bag with the understanding that we have the biggest impact on people who report to us.
Amplifies it.
Tremendous. What round are we in?
Oh, my God. Fuck, I just think I saw who won the Heisman. Oh, my God. Bro, that shit made something happen to me.
Wow. I'm going to join women's sports. That was a lot, bro.
Really?
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
100%.
Weren't they?
What?
Yeah.
Who doesn't love Rome?
Oh, really?
I went to karaoke in Rome last time I was there.
I can order it on Amazon for you real quick. We should do... You are too enthusiastic about this. I'm like, guys, I think I can help out. I can order stuff online for you.
in the corner and order stuff i hope the mayor is trying to get me into a maid outfit we should have a mayor pete cam yeah i just like sitting there yeah eating like having drinks yeah you got like ice cream and shit listen i mean my life's available 24 7 you would just put a camera in my house i love it i love it i don't know if you want to see it right now but it's i think all of our houses are probably a mess
You know, I'm definitely not neat. I appreciate her.
I go and I go through phases. It's clean for a little bit, then it's like, yeah.
And I change outfits a lot through the day, and I go home and just throw stuff on the ground. Yeah.
Oh, that's recent.
Oh, that's a lot.
David Paul...
It's a small wonder.
Delaware. Diamond.
No, it was a long time ago, right? Delaware's one of the first three states, isn't it?
Delaware's like, I'm done.
Tax-free? Yeah, but only if we get their tax plan.
They have a train station.
Hamster Eater? E-A-T-E-R? Okay, just checking. I mean, I ate wild boar, so I'm not here to judge.
Not that I'm a fan, but... Are we maybe mispronouncing it? No. Hamster Eater 96. Maybe it's a name. Hamster. Hamster.
I feel like we're doing Les Mis over here. I am Jean Valjean.
I thought you were going to say since the 80s.
No. No, I haven't.
With a C. Oh, a C? Yeah, with a C. Oh, there we go.
There's a lot to unpack here.
Oh, I love that.
Ooh, I like that.
Oh, Ohio's no good?
That's true.
I mean, I think I'm.
Do you not like Clementine's?
Can you identify them by taste? Do they taste?
It's orange.
How about a grapefruit and a pomelo?
I don't know. It looks like a grapefruit, I think.
Oh, no, no.
Well, I mean, isn't it like Sicily? Somebody, the Amalfi Coast is famous for lemons. I have no idea. Yeah.
Oh, I don't know.
Wow. There's a statue of a tomato in Pittston, Pennsylvania.
They have a tomato festival every August.
I'm in.
Oh. Oh. I think it will.
Spectacular.
I like this. Somebody said this earlier.
Is the raccoon the same size as you are? I think Archie could take a raccoon. Is the raccoon the same size as you are?
Oh, we love trains.
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Wait, what was his name again?
A real cartel pilot.
Yeah.
Isn't there a movie with the accountant or something?
Really?
What's the Skyrim?
Oh, okay.
I'm like, I'm ready. You just... I'll throw it at me. I'm in.
Mayor Pete tries again.
No, that's a movie?
What?
Drinking out of cups.
Drinking. R-I-N-K-I-N.
Yeah, I have a lot of education. I feel like I have an incomplete education.
It's dragged under.
I haven't watched Game of Thrones.
Very incomplete education.
Mayor Pete tries things.
Yeah, my downfall would come somewhere along the way. Oh, yeah.
They just did that thing over at 1278. What is it? Sell Your Friend. Not Sell Your Friend. Oh.
Yeah.
Bombardier Engines. What? Bombardier Engines. That's the dual-mode locomotives, trains.
It's a gas and diesel, I'm sorry, it's an electric and diesel train engine.
By Bombardier.
I probably mispronounced Bombardier.
Oh, well, just don't look at it, right? Or it cries.
Do we have lots of hills?
We don't have many mountains, but we have plenty of hills. Central PA. Scranton. The electric city.
That's another thing. We could go on site in the Appalachians. We could try camping. How funny would that be?
What is a trail shelter?
Maybe.
In the trail shelter.
Other people stay in the trail shelter.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sounds like something on a trail.
Which bear is here? Black bears. Oh, yeah.
I feel like this is going to be one of those shows where it's like dangerous jobs.
Yeah. Mayor Peter tries the trail.
I 100% will read it.
In the most Mayor Peter kind of voice.
Oh, my God. That poor hippo and elk.
Penguin. Penguin.
Pablo, no. Oh, no. Parker, no.
Hi, thanks for calling. This is Mayor Pete speaking.
oh that was exciting i've never i didn't even know what a super stream was tilted i feel like i've learned a whole new oh yeah well and now grand theft auto i've got yeah you know i've got a list yeah i mean i do need to spend more time with the um the message the the remix oh the message translation yeah yes honestly we could just have him read the entire message translation it would do numbers
Oh, I'm just sitting here. How many days do you think it would take? A lot.
Oh, God. Is this the backyard agains again? Tyrone?
Really? That's not an available?
What do you have?
Oh, intercession with Jeremiah.
I found some contradictory information.
We're all getting excommunicated.
I can't. Oh, I don't even know.
Is he reading the foreword?
I'm very interested in what the rave begins.
This is like all encompassing.
I feel like I have a whole new education today.
Oh, no.
I felt the commentary. I need a mitten. I need a mitten. It's a mitten. Wait, wait, wait.
Do you have all the politicians? Do you have Mayor Pete?
We don't need you. In real life, you have a real life one. Oh my god.
Thanks, Sarah. Yeah, I will say this is the first time I have ever heard the Bible reimagined in the voice of politicians.
Oh, gosh. Gosh, it's... That was...
Oh, I'm going to make the first donation. How about a per page price? Okay.
Doesn't include the foreword.
I have one. I will find you. Oh, God. Be careful.
Wait, wait, wait.
He's going to find me.
I don't know. Don't read it. Don't read it. Oh, I'm not, but I just see the backyardians again. Tyrone, no. It's like Tyrone goes to the White Lotus. Oh, God. Parker, hang on.
Tsunami.
You two are spot on. It's spectacular.
A younger version. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. 2024 version.
I don't know.
Well, you are the salt of the earth.
It's an interesting translation.
Thank you so much. Thank you.
Very excited. Thank you guys for having me. This is such an exciting time. Yeah, absolutely. I was enjoying. I was like your studio audience. I was sitting outside listening to you, enjoying the conversation.
Oh, my gosh. See? I mean, we make it exciting, right? We keep Phoenixville exciting.
It does. I think Phoenixville is kind of like, you know, we just love people. Yeah, we do. Anything goes.
Oh, no.
I'm like, I can't imagine. I'm like, I'm very interested in where this is going.
You have to eat the community meal.
Can I be a vice mayor?
Your advisor. I just want to be a senior advisor.
Oh, yeah.
The random culture. Is that what it's called? The random culture in Montana?
In cattle, we now have a ranch ham.
I feel like this is a good, like, and I'm excited about, I might have overheard the 24-hour.
Oh, we got to hurry then.
And the calendar, you guys are doing calendars somewhere along the way too, right?
I refuse to admit that. You just go as you are. I think you enjoy it.
Somebody probably loves that.
Okay, okay.
And Marissa's trying to sell you Medicare.
You might be a little too young for that.
I mean, they probably like your voice. They want to keep hearing you.
Wow. You guys really like you cover a wide range.
Montana is going to be interesting.
I mean, no, it's going to. I can see it.
Oh, so it's not that far.
I thought you were going to say it's in Punxsutawney.
They have a weather museum there. Do they really?
Oh, that's legit.
Oh, this isn't even just a coat of arms. This is like a gonfalon, the flag that you carry on. Oh, yeah.
I do like the swords. I like the swords. I think, yeah.
No, no.
She is very sweet.
Globadine?
I need to go check these things out.
Always comes back.
Yeah, we just have the social media now.
That's true.
I mean, I remember when Facebook started.
What was it?
I love it. You know, I just love, like, you guys, I mean, you guys, you have the voices for this.
No, I have no idea.
You're getting pictures now.
Trying out my contacts.
There's a dozen milks over there.
Wait, have you got... Do you guys ever remember... You know there was a time period where they didn't have cartons of milk? They had plastic bags of milk. Do you ever remember this?
It's almost like a Capri Sun, but with zero structure. It's just plastic, and you find a little bubble and stick your straw in it. It happened for a hot 10 minutes here in the United States.
What is slap the bag? Is that a game?
We could just do it right down the middle of the street.
I mean, I try it. I'm in.
I'm not very good at it, but.
It is a fun town.
We shut the streets down the end of May.
So it'll be that, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and then it'll go through the beginning of October.
I think it's Memorial Day weekend. Okay.
Until October, the beginning of October.
Yeah, same schedule. So Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Yeah, it'll be a ton of fun.
We'd encourage everyone to come.
We would also encourage everybody to come out this weekend for... Yes, the Dogwood Festival, our 82-year-old festival right here in Phoenix. It's like a slice of Americana.
I like this videografy as much as we can. Okay. So I've been told we've got to make sure to get the Amish pretzels.
That's really good. I told you about the Aubrey's waffle ice cream.
Start with my corn dog.
I did say corn, C-O-R-N.
Yeah, you're going to have to, like, you're going to have to stop me.
cows too they i was feeding cows corn yep as one should and the photographer just had a microphone on me and so all you hear is me talking to the cows as i feed them corn which i guess was entertaining wholesome content extremely wholesome i like to talk to the cows people would pay to watch that
the cows are having people are paying to watch this i love it yeah well you guys are fun like it's exciting although i might need like a gen z like lessons as we go it's honestly funnier if you don't have it yeah i am kind of like a geriatric i guess i'm a geriatric millennial i have no idea how old you actually are oh that's occurred to me yeah no you're just like the mystical ageless man i love it i'll stick with that zero guess i was the youngest mayor so
We'll stay with that. Exactly. I mean, I'm still the youngest in history. I met him at a Phoenix.
I was like, was it? My heart will go on. Don't stop believing.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That would have. I do mix that into.
I have a couple I'll mix in. Could do a whole karaoke segment.
We do have Dogwood this Thursday. It's a...
what time after yeah karaoke and dogwood won't coincide much we should make them coincide we should go out for dogwood we had to celebrate i'm telling you we got next year we got to have a karaoke competition we're going to karaoke on thursday it'd be amazing what's this karaoke competition at dogwood oh that'd be awesome i'm in yeah i love live band karaoke oh where they get the band behind yeah i'm sure we could find a band to do that in town we're like around here what's that one the one the dueling pianos yeah yeah that'd be fun any anytime anything i'm in
I have. I went to Nashville right before the pandemic.
Like literally Nashville. I was eating like out of a communal cookie jar and then we flew home and everything shut down.
No, it was not me. I did not get anything from the communal cookie jar in Nashville.
Did you graduate? You didn't graduate during the pandemic.
We were 2020. You were the virtual graduates?
Did they actually send you a cap and gown?
No, what was that? What was the backyard again?
Now I'm going to go home and try to watch this.
I like that.
Wasn't that a movie recently?
I tried the other day. I was like in whatever all the streaming services could find anything. I watched White Lotus. How is that? I mean, I think it's pretty interesting to watch.
Yeah. And now I know because, you know, I kept hearing like the Parker now on the, what is it, TikTok?
I love. Oh, my God. I literally.
Scooby-Doo like scares me, so I can't even watch Criminal Minds.
Yeah. You're not ready. Oh, no. Oh, God. Scooby-Doo and Criminal Minds.
Oh, my God.
You guys, you're multi-talented.
I'm like, can we do this at Dogwood?
Two years ago, I was in a Scooby-Doo Halloween group.
Happy?
You really do run, like, the gamut on topics.
Wait, where...
He's just going down the list. There's a long list, right? Yeah.
Oh, my God.
No, I do love that you have multiple versions.
I like it.
Right next to the first crusade and pirate. Yeah. Demons.
We might need a checklist.
Very direct translation.
It's like an interpretation.
I know. Wow.
Is it like a Cliff Notes version?
I mean, like, how does it start? Like, what's Genesis like in that one?
All right, hang on, hang on.
Oh, did that literally say remix version?
Yeah, no, go to the very beginning, Genesis.
In the beginning?
But birds weren't there yet.
No light there.
I mean, I just love that it's called The Remix.
So the super chat is the one in the center.
Oh, what's the one on the right? Oh, that's the live chat. The chat chat, the live chat.
I don't even know what Fortnite is.
That was a lot.
i'm sorry the milk cup oh yeah that generally is that's that's horrible yeah that's so bad oh sure i'm like i'll try it's good stuff i like this oh oh it's actually oh it's called the meat bucket yes oh and i can i can choose from wild boar oh but they're 96 individually wrapped ones yeah oh yeah oh what do you have a preference
It's a local agency.
We believe in you.
I love it.
It's our territory.
I'm representative.
And the vice mayor of a cult.
Oh, the mayor of vices.
I know. I mean, there's a crest and everything. Yeah.
Oh, I love Utah.
What's Utah?
Oh, I pronounce things wrong all the time.
Hopefully I can keep my mayor slot. We ended up Patreon. Very exclusive.
Oh, I like that.
With an L? No. Buffalo or Bison.
No, you gotta tell me.
No. Is that like the Jersey Devil?
Where is it? I don't know.
I mean, we got one.
So, but like a Phoenix, would it be a crypt? Like what?
Like the Loch Ness Monster.
But like the phoenix is a mythical creature.
We're not 100, yeah.
So what is our thing called again?
Squonk. Poor little guy.
I feel really sad for him. He should move here.
He would. We'd love him. He would.
Would it be inappropriate to make the statue like a water feature?
Poor little guy.
And also, we're the only place with Bob blessed. That's true.
And the blob doesn't. Is the blob a mythical creature? No. Nah, that's just Hollywood. Jello. Jello. I guess, I don't know. There was a piece of him somewhere.
A blob eating contest?
What, like... yeah why do they wear tinfoil hats what is the tinfoil hat thing no it has something to do with like radio waves from i think it's something to do with radio waves the thing about nathan's hot dogs no it's for like the blob fest oh yeah like the you know like the conspiracy theory the cia waves can't get into my head yeah yeah
Yeah. The birds.
Oh, I feel like I'm learning so much.
Yeah. Look at that. Something new.
And eating my elk meat bucket.
And he was so friendly, too.
Backyard, I just like, now I have to go watch this.
Oh my god, I do not recognize this.
Oh, I like him.
They look so friendly.
I get it. Oh, there is an elk.
I feel kind of awkward eating the elk bison.
He had a good run.
Matissi.
Ugh, gotta love those Filipinos. Yeah.
Are you Irish?
Really?
I walk outside and just tan.
But the funny part is, if you ever saw my dad, he was blonde with blue eyes.
That's why.
You're going to be the pope?
Well, I mean, you and the current pope have probably been to Wawa.
Isn't there an actual place where cabbage patchers are born?
Like a Mountie.
Really?
They don't really, like, investigate.
We have to put a GPS on you or something. Yeah, probably.
Oh, God. Oh, God. You look like a hippie. Oh. I do like how you're... Is it in the Discord?
Oh, God. Help us. Okay, try another meat stick.
Go for it.
Here we go. I love it.
And the history, you cover actually like the history, like historical topics.
Yes.
Yes. Right?
No question.
Wow.
Oh, my God.
Goodbye, sweetheart.
Yeah.
Oh my God, man. Yikes.
You know Rihanna?
What did you make of that story?
No, you've never been abused like that, ever been hit by anyone. Anyone ever abused you?
You've been emotionally abused.
Why is it hard to get out of it?
But it is hard to get out.
When my guests this morning have either been pronounced clinically dead or have suffered severe trauma after being revived, they tell incredible stories of their near-death experiences. Stories they believe are proof of an afterlife.
Whoa.
To hear this voice say, it's not yet time, just blew my mind because that's what I heard.
Yeah.
Well, I come from a very, very, very religious background. I was born in London by Nigerian parents. And my parents were very strict and raised us in the church. I was a musician in the church for years. So I had a true understanding of having a relationship with God and having a spiritual side from a very young age.
But this particular week was interesting because a few days prior to the accident, my mother had... an inkling to pray because she had a dream that the middle child was in a car accident. Fast forward, last day of school, we go on a school bus, well, red bus in London. Yeah. And we're on our way back and it's the last day of school.
And the interesting thing took place as I was crossing the road to get to the other side. It was a dangerous road and the car that was coming behind it Didn't see the bus, so swerved right past the bus to avoid the bus, and I'm in the middle of the road. Oh, my goodness. From what I was told... I flew over the car and my face hit the windscreen and basically ripped my whole face open.
So this whole, I have a scar right now, which is this small, but when it was like my whole lid was open. And supposedly I got up and fell right back down. What I experienced was what felt like slumber. Like I felt like I fell asleep and then I woke up in this dream In this dream, it seemed like I could see my reality. And it was me floating over everything that was taking place.
The accident, they'd actually see me in the accident, but I could see the crowd, the bus, the car, my sister that was crossing the bridge, ran running back down. That's my brother. That's my brother. And I'm floating and I'm experiencing this scene, right? And it feels like a dream. Then whilst there's this aura and this feeling of something great that just comes around. It's not a light.
It's bigger than that. It's so big and it's so consuming. It feels loud, but it feels so quiet at the same time. It's so great and grand, but at the same time, it's very peaceful and simple. I didn't feel afraid at all. Yeah.
No, so... Go ahead. So they pronounced me dead. I heard that when I woke up. They had pronounced me dead. My sister, they had run to my mom and said, your son has been pronounced dead.
Just blew my mind because... That's what I heard. It was like, it's not yet time. And it wasn't, it's such a big voice, but it was such a tender voice. It was so loud, but it was a whisper. It's like, it just took over and I was sure I knew who it was. I knew exactly who it was. And then I woke up. Who was it? Who was it, Harmony?
Who was it?
God. God for me. Okay. It was God for me. It was like the everlasting, whoever created this earth spoke to me and said, it's not yet time. So I wake up from what I thought was a dream with this sheet over me. And I'm like, and it's like, he's alive and alive. And I'm like, yo, what is everybody doing in my bedroom? Like, why are y'all in my bedroom? So I'm thinking I'm in my bedroom.
And I'm still in the middle of the street. Because they covered you with the sheet. You're gone. They're basically ready. They were ready to kind of be like, he's done. He's finished. He's cooked. He's dead. And like I said, they told my mother I was dead at the scene. My sister had basically been told he's dead. He's not waking up.
Yeah.
That's when I came back. And ever since then, that same voice has guided me in so many ways.
Uh, And it's like I said, it's a voice because it's really faint and it's peaceful, but it's really big and loud at the same time. Yeah. I've never, I can always tell. It's like, okay, there it is. Because it comes in such a way that it's unexplainable. But it's very different from the mind.
It's very different from, you know, all the other voices that can be distracting and come and, you know, distort the idea in your mind. It's very clear.
Now that you've heard so many stories that have similar experiences, Doc, is it safe to say that there is life after this life?
There was a different understanding of how my life was going to go. I knew from that moment on, my life was going to move differently. And tracing everything up to this day, the people I've met, the experiences... the places and the platforms that I've been on, I've understood that they made a significant difference in my life. And there was a confidence I had to start walking in.
And there was an understanding deep down, no matter what was around me, no matter who was around me, no matter how things played around me, I had to trust that voice every time. And anytime I lost weight, I would always go back to that, it's not yet time. Which also made me understand, I got a time period to do some things here. Do you know what I mean?
And I have some significant things to do while I have the time because in this life, time runs out. Now, in the life after this, time probably continues. But there are things that I believe he kept me for. Using the words, it's not yet time, it just allows me to know I have a time period to get some things done.
And I believe we're all connected to that thing. And I believe we all have the ability to hear that thing, research that thing, feel that thing, and be guided by that thing. And that thing could be all kind of things to different people. Everybody has a different understanding of what that thing is. It's God to me. It's something else to somebody else. And I respect it all.
They all have something similar.
He is the best.
Remarkable things happened to Tom Sawyer during a near-fatal highway accident where he was pinned under a truck. I understand you felt every bit of pain that you had ever caused to your wife, and you'd been pretty cruel to her.
What does the human experience, how does it compare to whatever that other realm of knowing is like?
And you just kind of know that.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, and that's what resonated with me as well. My parents, my mom specifically, taught me how to respect my elders and everything. But she also gave me a voice. It's okay to question. It's okay to speak out if something wasn't right. My question to you, Ms. Tina, was what gave you that fearlessness? What inspired you to want to speak out when things weren't right?
Not just with yourself, but with people that you love as well.
Hi, I was just really struck by that line of I'm the blackest woman you'll ever meet. And just thought about the not only the motherhood, but the themes of liberation. In fact, that line of Celestine set herself free and her family free. My mother walked out of a civil war in Liberia and actually resettled in Houston, was a seamstress, sewed all of our clothes.
And I just thought about that idea of, you know, when she was teaching you about how your value is tied to your service to others, and you wanted to fight that and talk about liberation. And my question is, what is your advice to Black women who are in spaces that are not designed for them or not designed for them to own those spaces?
How do you encourage them to own the space and to liberate themselves?
I do. I do. There was actually a line about Johnny that just I stopped and I had to read it again. And I started to cry because you said Johnny was obviously gay by the time he was three years old. And I felt like I already knew the end of the sentence was going to be about how hard and struggle and traumatic it was. I'm from New Iberia. Which is right up from Weeks Island.
So, like, I thought of my own experience and how hard the rest, you know, the description would be. But then the second half of the sentence just took me aback because you said, and I never knew him to hide that light. And you describing his gayness as a light just, it made me so emotional because it made me think of myself and look back at the little boy I was.
And the story I have about how hard and shameful and you had to hide and suppress. And then I was able to really look at myself and see light there. And it just was amazing. It was an extraordinary act of like unconditional love. And I just wonder if it felt like that to you or if it just felt normal, like that's how your family was. No big deal.
Everybody, it's Tina Knowles! It's Tina Knowles!
I do. I was married six years, divorced for eight, recently remarried. And though there was infidelity in my marriage, the things that existed before I got married with my husband was very much present in my marriage. I just didn't see it. So the question is really, when you had the early signs from Matthew, what made you want to commit or move ahead anyways? But then what kept you there?
Hi, Oprah and Miss Tina. I met my husband shortly after his first wife passed away. And as someone who's mothering five children, so two biological and three step children, I tend to just doubt myself and constantly feel like I'm not enough of a mother to each of them or my own expectations. And I think that's why I was personally so moved and
Later in the book, when your daughters were reassuring you that all your sacrifices had impact and made them who they are, knowing that and also knowing that you've mothered one of the most successful artists of all time, I'm curious if you still have those feelings of self-doubt or regrets or all the things we could have, should have done. Or do you say, you know what? I'm truly now at peace.
Thank you. Yes. So in the book, you mentioned that the nun at Holy Rosary stated that you weren't, you know, good enough, basically. Right. And there were moments of not belonging throughout the book. But you said, I belong anywhere I want to be. So how has those words played a role in your success? And how have you been able to pass that on to your children and your grandchildren?
I have a question about the theme of grief and loss. It just seemed so consistent throughout the whole story and particularly each of the characters and how they experienced it in this different way. And so I was curious if you were writing from a place of your personal experience or from how your language and the sentences and everything was informed by your own personal experience.
Yeah, dream state really affected how I perceive my own marriage. When I finished reading the book at three in the morning, I went into the living room where my husband was asleep on the couch and he's been sleeping there for like a few months now because I have menopause and I have hot flashes and I drenched the bed. And he snores very loudly.
And also my mother also passed away recently and his father passed away. And so just all the busyness and all the loss that we've experienced, I felt like I needed to put a separation between us so that I could breathe. But I realized after reading this book that what I really needed to do was to connect more with him and to actually put away the cell phone and the computer.
So my question to you is, when you were writing this book, did you see your own marriage in a different lens?
What part of the book did that for you? How Garrett wakes up one day and he looks at Cece and he says, oh, it was, you know, she was like a plant. Yeah. And I didn't want to wake up next to my husband or, you know, during the day and think of him as something that I had to care for, but something that he really was something that I needed.
And we need each other and I need to put away all the other stuff.
So my question is, while you're writing this book, do you see your marriage in a different lens?
The way that you move time along in the book is magnificent for my reader's mind and also for my writer's mind when I'm thinking about craft when I'm reading. Did you intentionally do your time transitions that way before going into the writing or was it something that came as you were writing the story?
Your writing style is brilliant.
You create the characters, and they're so in-depth, and they keep going. When I read this line in the book, I was just immediately just like, I was like, yes.
Yes, I think this sentence beautifully captured what I'm feeling right now in my life. I'm in midlife right now and there's just so many things that are constantly going through my mind and I find myself living in this perpetual nostalgic state of reflection of like,
who I am now versus who I was when I was a kid and how I connect the dots back to that and really kind of chasing what happiness and freedom look like then. And so when I read this line in the book, I was just immediately just like, I was like, yes, I was like, this, this is it.
Like, you know, you try to capture how you're feeling in life and you like look for sentences that kind of in words to kind of express that. And so I was really touched by this.
I wanted to know where the title came from and what you were thinking about it.
The way that you move time along in the book is magnificent. Dream State really affected how I perceive my own marriage.
I'm right here. Hi. Hi. So my grandmother suffered from dementia for years and it was a very incredibly hard and difficult and emotional time for my family, especially my dad. He had to make a lot of the tough decisions. And reading about the character in the book and seeing how the family navigated love, responsibilities, and the biggest thing, managing your own grief, made me really think about
how a writer can go about writing about dementia and the family. And I wanted to know sort of your personal experiences connected to that and how you went about creating that demographic.
You do? Time just gets away from you, depending on when your life starts. Yeah. So I had children early, and then you go to work, you have bills to pay, and... I had children before a lot of my friends did. So they were out traveling and doing more things and I'm lifing. I'm taking care of my children. And then in turn, my mother got sick and I was taking care of her. So now I'm trying to...
Be conscious in doing something that I want to do. Whether or not anyone else wants to do it. I'm an only child, so I'm used to doing things by myself. I'm going to do what I enjoy doing. So now I'm lifing.
There was no right decision for her to make. She was going to be regretful either way. She would have regretted not exploring the openness that she was experiencing with Garrett because she was sharing so much with him. And she didn't have that openness with Charlie, it felt like, at least early in the book.
Azhar, you actually have a question for Eric. Yeah, I do. When I picked up the book, I thought early in the book, you mentioned Montana. And I thought Dream State was going to be about the dream state of Montana and its beauty. And then. Everything goes to ruins, things burn down to the ground to the end.
But then I was also thinking about the book and I thought, was Dream State the life of low consciousness that all of the characters almost go through? So, and I'm sure the right answer is something else entirely in your head. So I wanted to know where the title came from and what you were thinking about it.
Dream state. Excellent.
Hi. Your writing style is brilliant. And you create the scenery, you create the characters, and they're so in-depth and they keep going. How does your process begin? Like, what, like, inspires you?
It's all right.
Okay. Janet, you have a question. Normally novels last, you know, they're sometimes shorter. They're like 10 years in span, 10, 20 years. You chose to do a 50, almost 60 year spanning novel. Why did you choose to do something so lengthy that covers so many friendships, relationships, drama, all that kind of stuff? And what do you hope that people take away from it?
Wow.
Hi.
Hi. Congrats on your book. It's a masterpiece, I must say that. I felt a close relation with Grazina, and hi, there were some moments I burst into tears. I think Grazina and Hai heal each other and they were literally like a medicine to each other.
So my question is, there were so many poetic lines in the book and there was this line at the beginning of the chapter, the hardest thing in the world is to leave only once. So what does this line mean to you? Does it resonate for you on any personal level or does it resonate with Hai and the characters involved?
Very much so. Thank you so much, Ocean, for giving us this book. It was incredible. I loved it. Thank you. So I know that this is set in New England, but it felt like East Gladness could be any small town really suspended in time. I grew up in Middle America, in and around towns that were left behind.
And it immediately transported me in chapter one when I was really feeling something deeply familiar. So I felt really life at the edge of nothing, the looming presence of addiction, the randomness of tragedy, working poverty, fast food. And this isn't the first time that you've written about small towns and near rural life.
And I wanted to know what draws you to this kind of setting and what continues to inspire you about places like this.
Wow, really?
On page 23, one of my favorite lines, and I even wrote a little heart by it. And after I read it, I went and shared it with my family as well. I asked Grazina when her husband died, how did she know? And she said, when does anybody die? She shrugged when God says, well done. So I would love to know what that line means to you. Yeah, thank you.
I do. I really related to the relationship between Grazina and High when I was reading this book. My grandmother moved in with my family almost 20 years ago, and she also has dementia. So there were a lot of moments where she fell and we had to rush her to the hospital. So seeing High go through that same thing felt really familiar.
So, Oprah, I was wondering, is there a character relationship storyline in this book that really resonates with you?
Hi. I want to say I thoroughly enjoyed this book from cover to cover.
So my question actually is in reference to the hog butchering scene. You mentioned emperor hogs at that point. Wayne, I think, is describing the emperor hogs. And there's also frequent reference to penguins through Sony's Origami and his dream where he describes the people in the town as little penguins in little houses. It made me think of emperor penguins. So this brings me to the title.
Can you shed some light on the use of the word emperor in the title in reference to that?
Thank you.
Hey, everybody! Guess who this is?
Hi, Amy. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I'm honored to be here and to talk to you today. One of my favorite parts of the book was the gesture of wanting John's hand on your back during these moments of reckoning was just so powerful to read on the page. And so I'm wondering, how did the important life decision of choosing John as your partner impact your healing journey?
And what advice would you want to give your readers about being vulnerable with their partner?
Chantel, that was beautiful. Thank you. Thank you so much for sharing your story, Amy. I truly feel empowered, and it was really just reading your experience and how you continually process it, understanding that healing is a journey. I just want to know from you, how do you manage everyday triggers?
Hi. I felt like reading this book now was at the right season of my life. And knowing that I was going to read it in community, I wanted to be very present. So I highlighted and took notes in a way that I've never done before. I don't like writing in my books. I want them to be pristine. I kept a list of all my aha moments.
But I loved writing my notes and my questions because I feel like it's going to be a gift to my kids. When they read it, it'll be almost like a conversation and it'll shed light on what I took away from the book. So thank you.
Yeah.
It was absolutely my aha moment, and it just felt very freeing, and it gave me a lot of hope. So I want to just say that 16 years ago,
Oh, yes. Three are going under the tree.
I believe so, yes. I was blown away when I read your book because I had been on a search for years, five years, digging. And I felt defeated. And so I read your book and on page 193, it says, knowing about yourself is not who you are. And at that moment, I thought I lived in my identity my whole life.
Every, you know, coming from divorced parents, narcissistic influences and mother. And the minute I read that chapter, I slept like a baby. And I haven't thought about that since. Would you say that's an awakening?
Thank you. Thank you for your work.
Yes. So my aha moment came fairly early into reading the book. And it is when you explain that we are not our thoughts. We are that space before the thoughts. And that really floored me so much that I needed to take a pause. And I just kind of sat with it for a second. And then I really wanted to visualize it. So I wrote in my book, You. And And I underlined it and I left a space in between.
And then I put thought and underlined it. And that might sound simple, but I really just needed to actually see that physical space between the two things. For me, I've spent a lot of my life struggling with anxiety and depression. I've been through a lot of therapy. And reading that gave me pause because I had just accepted that over-intellectualizing, over-analyzing my thoughts.
That's just been my normal for most of my life. And this made me realize that that might not actually have to be the rest of my life.
That's good. That's a big aha. It was absolutely my aha moment. And it just felt very freeing. And it gave me a lot of hope. And I want to thank you for that. And my question is, what does that space, I guess, mean to you? That space before the thoughts? And also, how do we protect it when we're so socialized to constantly attach to our thoughts or to solely identify with our thoughts?
How do you protect that space? before the thoughts? How do we protect our eye?
Okay, good. I'm sure you will.
Hi. You know, I was thinking just when you said that about the parent-to-child relationship, the pain body relationship. Right before I was born, my parents lost a child. And to say that defined who I was for decades, you know, is putting it lightly. And when I, you know, let that thought go that I didn't replace someone, I am not here just to fill a void.
it really started to help me learn, oh, I'm a person, I'm an individual, I exist for a reason. And the pain that my parents went through was so passed down To me, I was in my mom when she was suffering. And I think, you know, I just think about the power of that thought that I replaced someone and I wasn't meant to exist.
When I, you know, I read the book in college in 2005 or six because I was so confused. I was so lost. I was so sad. And I think back to those times and I'm like, I can't even recognize that person. until my early 30s where I finally, it all clicked. Like you said, it stays by my bed and I read it all the time because it makes me feel less alone.
This room makes me feel less alone to know that I matter and I'm here for a reason. And it's not just the thought in my head. Right.
I said, let me know what a mammogram is. I want to know why am I in the waiting room.
Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop. Yeah, baby!
Right. Yeah.
Yeah.
Nice.
All right.
That's right.
How old are you?
Let me tell you the God's gonna cut you.
That's also true.
Okay.
I had no idea that you introduced Jade to that great, glorious. It would have been a great metaphor, even if this caller's name wasn't Terry, but it was just perfect.
No. We were going to kind of bump out with a video without audio, but we can.
Yeah. Oh, never mind. If you just go on YouTube and do Backup Terry, you'll find it.
Thumbs up.
I was.
No.
All right, this is getting weird over there, guys. What do we do?
And then no credit cards, nothing like that? No, nothing else. It's mostly the student loans.
The passion part of it. Yeah.
High-yield savings are an investment as well, but not retirement.
The fear of not being enough.
Advertisers want more digital billboards and there's not enough because of government regulation.
Okay, so mine is personal change takes too long and it doesn't last. I love that. Super good.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
100%?
Yeah.
Get it going. I'm upstairs.
And everyone's like, I will destroy my competition!
Oh, we're going to kill him. Man, you rise up and you fight back.
And then there's Andy... Okay.
Mhm.
Yeah. And manage your 300 other careers.
Okay, you would get a lot of people with that, because they'd just be like, what is that? I like this, but I don't know what's going on here.
Ooh.
I agree. I agree.
I'm picturing a young story, like almost a Forrest Gump-like serendipity, where Prince is putting up plaid all over his estate, and you're like, my man, Paisley, and then just walk away. That was me.
And actually, shouldn't that be the person nominated for an Emmy? Being a little selfish, Gary.
Everybody's asking me that. Damn, man.
You're so pretty. Oh, so pretty. You really knock me off.
Liz Wilder of Phoenix, Arizona. All right. First question. Jim Gaffigan.
From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Adam Feldberg, Nagin Farsad, and Adam Burke. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theatre in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal.
I'm asking a lot of questions.
Electronic flexor supports. Soon I'll wear on pickleball courts. And then I'll go dance in that pair of e-pants. I'll be wearing some mechanized shorts. Yes, yes.
With this pencil, I'm flexing my noodle. Tried a cow, but it looks like a poodle. Though critics may quibble that I merely scribble, I'm training my brain when I doodle.
If Santa won't answer your wish, leave this milk with a stale cookie dish. Make a malt or a shake with what swims in the lake. We made milk by just grinding up... Fish?
Bill, how did Morgan do in her quiz? God bless him. Morgan got them all right.
Adam has two. The other Adam has two. And Nagin has five.
Four rights, eight more points, and ten gives him the lead. All right. Not much of a lead. It should be said.
Well, we have a very close game. He got four right, eight more points. His total of 10 ties Adam Feldberg. There you go. All right.
Well, coming up on the outside, she got five right, ten more points. Her total of 15 wins this week.
Well, if any of that happens, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.
The fear that a mechanical elephant might glitch out while you're halfway through your entree. It's the thrill, the drama.
Bill, how did Lynn do in our quiz? He was very good. He got them all right.
From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Frosty the Anchorman, Bill Curtis. And here is your host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill.
Lord, I'm going to drink myself to death. If it kills me.
From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Nagin Farsad, Adam Felber, and Adam Burke. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theatre in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill.
It's insane.
Right now! See right now, Madison!
He's like, when, Craig? When are you gonna propose to her again?
Excuse me, I gotta go to the bathroom.
He's got shoes. He wears underwear. Sally's putting on boots. How do I use the vacuum?
Madison!
We nailed Vivian. We finally got Vivian. We booked her, everybody. It was like, oh my God, you got Vivian? We got Vivian on the show.
Bravery. Get in here, everybody.
Rob Reiner was like, I'm so mad at Republicans. Oh, eat your pancakes, Rob.
Oh, my God. I can't wait for you to show. Andy. Wait, what's her name? Aunt Dora, get out of this scene. Aunt Dora.
hilarious because ray is like there's mermaids in the pool there's ladies with tails get your hands off the mermaids ray this is the 90s yeah he's like putting one in his trunk i saw it in a movie that's you can't do that in real life ray all right it's not daryl hannah you'll go to prison it's called trafficking ray
He's like, I'm not going to hurt the mermaid.
He's like, I told you I'm not going to hurt the mermaid. Why is everybody always accusing me of hurting the mermaids?
And she's like, oh, hallelujah, everybody. Hallelujah.
Ashley Savoni, she don't take no baloney.
Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily sides.
Has it been 20 years?
She's like... That's the best part.
Yeah, we didn't.
That's right.
Yeah.
this poor girl i know it's wild he's he's a true demon yeah a true reptilian succubus evil it's evil i know it's crazy it is crazy y'all being hard on diddy and shit stop flexing your nipples all these downloads that's all the fuck he did just showing what it would really go what's he flexing his tits can do what's really going on out here what's really fucking popping
Y'all trying to bring the boy down because he's doing his thing. Motherfuckers mad because they showing how kinky and nasty and filthy that damn motherfucking industry is. That's all that shit is. Motherfuckers getting exposed. All them fucking fetishes they got and shit. DLs and downloads. Y'all need to let that man go. Let that man go. Go home to his fucking family.
Get back to parking, doing his thing. Nobody give a party like fucking Diddy. Stop playing with me.
Yeah.
Okay.
100%.
Wait, what was that? Barbecue.
Yeah.
No.
I hate it.
Yeah.
You like men.
Yeah, horrible. I hate it.
Bye.