Audrey Scott

I'm very good at Spanish. Hola. But I can't roll my R's. Unless I'm saying the N word. And everyone's like, oh my God, she can roll her R's. It's a distraction. I'm gonna be honest with y'all, I don't like child porn. What's so funny about that, you freak?

Right, because every time I watch it, right, every time I shove that flash drive right into my fucking PC to watch my CP, acting's too immature. Kids are always like, oh, where am I? I'm hungry, grow up. It's show business, baby. How the fuck did you think Bieber made it? He got ushered into the diddying. Baby, baby, baby oil. Did he did it? Hot take.

The brand of the baby oil was Johnson and Johnson and Johnson and Johnson and Johnson and Johnson and... That's it. Thank you.

No, it sucks, because I'm from Virginia. My dad was Air Force, and that guy just stole my whole thing.

Yeah. Oh, my goodness.

Should have kamikazed, you know?

Hello.

That's my side job. Top ten side hustles of 2021.

Five and a half years.

I bartend at Roscoe's Comedy Club, and I host mics there, and I produce some shows, and then I also make sandwiches during the day, and I do voice acting as well.

It's less than that.

No, I started in Virginia. I started in the mountains.

It's called a rec. It's a Potbelly signature sandwich. You get a portion of salami. Yeah, shout out to Potbelly, man.

It's the best open mic in Austin, you know? Free sandwich on the way. Yeah, it's roast beef, salami, turkey, ham, and then Swiss cheese on top. It goes pretty hard, actually. Absolutely amazing.

Uh, I've been hula hooping recently. I got a hula hoop at Walmart when I was buying roach poison for roaches in my house, because I have roaches in my house. They're really bad. But the hula hoop's been, like, really helping out. Okay. Yeah. All right.

Not, like, the EDM, like, slutty level yet, where I'm, like, you know, we're just wearing sequins and shit. But I'm getting, like, an hourglass figure from it. I just go like this in my backyard. What kind of tricks should she know? You can, like, throw it and catch it.

Yeah, you can hoop it everywhere. She's still just working on the hips, though, it turns out. I can do the neck and the arm, but now I'm mastering the hips. So it's a new challenge.

Dude, it's not. It's a really good exercise. I don't want to go to the fucking gym and get filmed by an influencer or have a sweaty fat person on equipment.

I don't identify as a hula hooper. That would be weird. That's what I'm saying. You got to get rid of it now. Ugh. Yeah. Maybe. I'll do pogo stick or unicycle or something.

They scare me, man.

Have you ever seen someone on a pogo stick?

You know, you let the... I didn't cause them, man. There was this bitch named Suzanne who lived in my house before me, and she left, like, a whole fridge of organic food in the house and just left it.

No. You think I make sandwiches after getting off work making sandwiches? That would be psychotic. That would just be... I don't hate myself that much. That much. All right, I have a line. I hula hoop, but I don't make sandwiches for myself after I make sandwiches. But she left all this fucking product of cabbage and organic steak. And now, there were roaches in the fridge. In the fridge.

They were in the fridge.

I don't know. I don't know what's going on. And I spray them all the time. And I live with a hippie who doesn't want to kill everything. And I want to bomb the whole house. And he won't let me. You won't let me. Yeah, it's bad. It's so bad. And you know, if a cockroach goes in your ear, it can't go backwards. So it just goes in your fucking head.

I might. You know, I don't know. But it's scary to think about. Heidi, bring out the scope.

Oh my God, it's so bad. I can't go in my kitchen because my room is clean. Because believe it or not, my room is actually not a bad place to be in. The kitchen's hell. But...

Yeah, I know. That's why I said believe it or not.

I've been begging for an exterminator Yeah, but the main the main roommate like he's the one who like gate keeps, you know the information to the landlord Yeah, I can't just directly talk to Dana for some reason. I

That's Dana. Dana's my landlord. Wow.

I'm just standing outside my kitchen and it's like my hoop hard enough to leave.

Yeah, I even tried, like I bought these Amazon like... They were like, oh, we use certain sound frequencies to get rid of them. They just started dancing to the rhythm. I swear to God, yeah, they just liked it.

But I would say on average I see fucking 12 a day. Oh, wow. And they're big and small. They're big ones and they're like the tiny ones. Oh, wow. I'm going crazy. My God. I'm going insane.

That's a great idea. I love every other bug. I'm a huge bug fan, but they really... I sprayed one 20 times. It took me 20 times to spray one that's poison for it to die. Okay.