Ayo Baby

That's the black dance right there, the Dougie. It don't matter what beat is going on, man. A nigga going Dougie. Man, this is a nice crowd. This is not an open mic, for sure. A little bit about myself, Ayo Baby. That's a crazy non-American last name right there. Born and raised in Nigeria. Don't get scared. When I tell people that, they want to put their phones away, man.

Think I'm going to send them an email. Let's chill. It's not coming. Nah, being born and raised in Nigeria, man, make you appreciate things that y'all in America take for granted. You know, clean air, clean water. Y'all got nice water here, man. The one in Nigeria, you could see germs and demons in that thing break dancing. You could see Chris Brown in your cup. I'm trying to tell you, man.

You take a sip, you don't know what you're going to catch. You might catch a demon or disease. You might need a doctor or a priest, you know, to relieve you of your pain. That's what you might... Okay, that's my time. Mike? Mike?

Ayo Baby.

I got a father, unfortunately. All right, you guys have a good night. Hey, ayo, baby. You got a father, unfortunately. Don't leave me. Both of them. Dad and mom. They both stay together. It's the African thing, man. Really? Yeah, man. When you poor, you stay together.

No, no. They're in Minnesota, freezing their ass off. Wow. Yeah. That's where I landed first, in Minnesota.

Man, have you been to Nigeria? What? Have you been to Nigeria?

I'd rather go to Nigeria, to be honest with you. You go to Nigeria, you're going to want to leave and go anywhere but Nigeria.

Ooh, Tony, they're going to smell you right from the plane, man.

We can smell Tony.

Food.

Man, we got the primary one is fufu. Fufu, yeah.

So fufu is like, it's like a doughy substance. It's made out of yams. You know, you put yams in there, you put water, you pound it up, and then it turns, it's like a gangster ass mashed potato. Hell yeah. Oh, Red Band.

Hey, hey, hey. You know, it be like that, man. You know, when it's hot, the flies come around.

Well, yeah, foo-foo, we got that. Again, it's a doughy substance, and then the different kind of soups. that you get with it. I love it. I love it.

Yeah, lottery visa. Lottery visa.

Yep.

OK. Got me here.

I was waiting on that. I was waiting on that. I love it. He took me, George Bush took me out the bush.

Oh man, we ate them all in Nigeria, man. They ran out. They bounced. Really? They went to freaking Botswana and then where the white people at. They nice over there.

Nigeria, we was grilling them.

That's right.

He worked at a footlocker?

No, ain't no footlocker in Nigeria. Hell no. We'll eat that, too. He was a photographer in Nigeria, which didn't get him a lot of money. That's why we left.

Of hungry people. You know, the kids with the fat bellies and the goddamn flies in their eyes. What does he do for work in Minnesota? Oh, man, nursing home. That's what Africans come here to do. They get right into nursing homes. They're like nurses. Well, nursing homes, so nursing assistants. Right. Okay.

Racking up easy W's on the patients. I don't know if you guys have seen the videos about it.

We're the ones looking after the white grandparents.

Yep, that's right.

Padding the record. Shut up and take your pill, Mr. Jefferson. Shut up your mouth. Take your pill. Bastards. Bring nobody next one. Just serving fufu all day. Oh, man.

She using our hands, too. That's one thing you got to do with fufu. You got to use your hands to eat it. Okay.

Oh, man, I did a lot of things. I used to sell cars. I used to work at a factory. Now, in Austin, I drive for Amazon.

Man, yeah. Yes, sir. I love it. What do you do for fun? Man. I bless the rains.

Hopefully, y'all got your goddamn umbrellas. Absolutely. I just summoned them motherfuckers. Absolutely incredible. Man, I don't know. I try to stay away from the police. That's what I do for fun, you know? Yep.

Stay clear out of them, man, you know? Regular things. What are our thoughts about fat-bootied white bitches? Man, very good. I like it. You like it? I saw a lot of big-booted black women in Nigeria.

Man, my dick don't discriminate, man. I accept any pussy I get right now. Amazing. When's the last time you got pussy? You seem like... I got some coming this weekend, so... You got some coming? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got some pussy. It's tax season, man. I got some coming this weekend, goddamn it. Order it through Amazon. Some Gucci on the way. You got a coming prime? Huh? Where's it coming from?

Where's it coming from? Yeah. You know, she's Spanish. She's Spanish, you know what I mean? I tried to try something new, try a little Mexico. Wow. I've tried black. I was in Minnesota.

Mm, man. This one's on you. It's going to be- Man, white vagina like it a little rougher. They like it a little rougher, man. I don't know. Black women- When you say they like it a little rough, what exactly do you mean? You could smack a white bitch in the ass and she'd be cool with it. Black women, they try to take an omissions, man. Oh, nigga, that's too hard.

Hey, man, how many panthers died for this curtain to look fly right here, man?

Fucking finished, man. Wow. Ain't using it, though. Ain't using it, though. Relax, baby. Social science, I'm working at Amazon. Wow. Shit didn't help my black ass. My goodness. Where'd you go to school? I went to Winona State University. Well, I went to JUCO first. I went to junior college first, Rochester Technical College, and then went to Winona State. What the hell is that?

Did you say what your major was? Actually, social work. What's my major? Social work. Helping people. Very noble.