B.A. Parker
Appearances
Climbing the Walls
How social media changed ADHD forever | 3
It's one of the things where it's like, you have to, like, they're like, oh, well, Black women have to be hypervigilant because, like, we can't,
Climbing the Walls
How social media changed ADHD forever | 3
because you have the perceptions that the world have about us to get defensive, to not be good at your job, to not be on point is immediately a defect and already a ding against your character amongst what other dings happen just because of like the dual sides of oppression as being black and a woman. So to have ADHD on top of that and like, oh, well, why, why, Why did you not meet this deadline?
Climbing the Walls
How social media changed ADHD forever | 3
Why can't you answer these questions right now? All of these things you kind of have to overcompensate. I know that growing up, aside from having ADHD, I also had a social anxiety disorder. I was really shy and scared to talk to people. And being thrust into New York City at, like, 21, having to, like, just function and put yourself out there is a really scary thing.
Climbing the Walls
How social media changed ADHD forever | 3
And having all these things while being Black is, like, an added layer of neuroses. But like having women that I started getting on my For You page to be like, yeah, I also... Parker interrupted herself as she was saying this.
Climbing the Walls
How social media changed ADHD forever | 3
I forgot what the statistic was, but like the number of Black women in their 30s during the pandemic, they were... They had ADHD and learning that, like, they've had it their whole lives. And because you were functioning and because no one is looking into Black girls because they're doing, like, there's a lack of interest. And, you know, as long as they're keeping the status quo, they'll be fine.
Climbing the Walls
How social media changed ADHD forever | 3
Shout out to TikTok being my advocate. Who would have thought? Because the I think I'm on the side of TikTok that's like, I mean, doctors are helpful, but also like be able to ask for a second opinion because they have their own their own biases. And like, so I have to be mindful of that.
Climbing the Walls
How social media changed ADHD forever | 3
I didn't have that before. Now that I have, like, the language for it, it's been really helpful. Especially in meetings, because, like, my mind will wander. There's... Wait, okay, I'll show you this, because this is... She pulled out her phone and seemed to be scrolling through her photos. I mean, I swear I am paying attention during work. But I used to do this during work.
Climbing the Walls
How social media changed ADHD forever | 3
Like during meetings, like in-person meetings, I would list the whole actor's filmography in a notebook.
Climbing the Walls
How social media changed ADHD forever | 3
I believe that's Jeff Bridges. But that's what I would do during a meeting. I got reprimanded for that. They were like, we need you to focus during these meetings.
Climbing the Walls
How social media changed ADHD forever | 3
But yeah, I just being able to explain some of that and having... other Black women on my timeline who had similar experiences and also being aware of, like, either why we were ignored or why we were focused in on and, like, why in workspaces these things happen and, like, how ADHD sits differently inside of Black women. Like, those kind of things were super helpful.
Climbing the Walls
How social media changed ADHD forever | 3
And I was like, oh, okay, this explains this. And... The nice thing is because of that, I have other Black female friends and they're like, wait, I have ADHD. I found out I have ADHD too during the pandemic. And it's nice to be able to have that.
Climbing the Walls
How social media changed ADHD forever | 3
Wait, have you talked to your family about your ADHD?
Climbing the Walls
How social media changed ADHD forever | 3
I, not to put my mom's business on, but I love my mom. But also I was like, I had to have a conversation. After I had the call with the psychiatrist, I was like, okay, here's the thing. I have ADHD. I'm gonna go on medication. It's okay. Plenty of people have this. And I think she thought it was just like, oh my God. But even now I have to be like,
Climbing the Walls
How social media changed ADHD forever | 3
To be fair, like, you do know, for lack of a better term, I am mentally ill. Like, you know, like, she's like, no, you're not. Those other, like, no. I mean, I'm in, like, the dots. Like, I'm on the list. But having to be like, okay. And then I'd be like, hey, you know it's hereditary, right?
Climbing the Walls
How social media changed ADHD forever | 3
She came to visit after my diagnosis. She would leave a room and just leave a cabinet door open. And I was like, this woman. I love her. Like, this is... This is me. I was like, you know, you don't think like your impulse to like buy a purse you don't need to get like that kick.
Climbing the Walls
How social media changed ADHD forever | 3
She's making more and more sense to me, like all of these like hyper fixations that pop up. It's going to do these things. And I was like, OK. The things that I think, I don't know, when I was a kid may have frustrated me a little bit. I'm like, why am I going to a wedding planners conference? I was like, like, she's just really into wedding planning for a while there.
Climbing the Walls
How social media changed ADHD forever | 3
And I was like, or she's got really into calligraphy.
Climbing the Walls
How social media changed ADHD forever | 3
Someone mentioned that someone else in our family was a young person with ADHD. I was like, that's great, so do I. Like, it's okay. And I think to be the adult, to be like, yay, I also have ADHD. The little kid's fine. They got superhuman strength. They have a spicy brain. We should be so lucky to have a spicy brain. Be fine.
Climbing the Walls
How social media changed ADHD forever | 3
Every couple of months, I think I'm going to learn how to draw. I buy a sketchbook. And then I'm like, no, there's a yoga mat in my apartment right now that I bought in the pandemic. Did I do yoga? Once. This is my friend Parker. And then I'll have like these impulses. I'll be like, okay, if I do this, this will exponentially make my life better. And then you're like, okay, now what?
Climbing the Walls
How social media changed ADHD forever | 3
Like, oh, this shelf is going to be the thing that's going to solve all my problems. Okay. Wearing a lot, man.
Climbing the Walls
How social media changed ADHD forever | 3
Sure. My name is B.A. Parker. I'm a radio host and an Aquarius with ADHD from a magical land called Baltimore.
Climbing the Walls
How social media changed ADHD forever | 3
I mean, I hate to say TikTok, but it was TikTok. There were certain things that TikTok figured it out before I did. And then my For You page started getting more and more ADHD focused. And I feel like they knew something I didn't. And it was less hot Mountaineer men. And whatever the hell I was watching in the town, like, you know, Canadians? And, like, K-dramas.
Climbing the Walls
How social media changed ADHD forever | 3
And then it became, like, are you a millennial with ADHD? And I was like, am I?
Climbing the Walls
How social media changed ADHD forever | 3
You know, you're doom scrolling and then someone's like, hey, are cabinets bad for you? Do you, when a cabinet closes, do you, like a baby with no object permanence, forget that something exists? And I was like, wait, I do. Do you come into a room and forget what you're in there for? And I was like, I do. You push things off to the very last minute to do them. I was like, my whole life.
Climbing the Walls
How social media changed ADHD forever | 3
And it was like a lot of things like that. And I was like, wait, do I have ADHD?
Climbing the Walls
How social media changed ADHD forever | 3
Thank goodness I was also like going through therapy during the pandemic. And so I talked to my therapist about it. And my therapist was like, well, I mean, there are tests. You can take a test and, you know, we can figure this out.
Climbing the Walls
How social media changed ADHD forever | 3
Danielle, you should have started with that. No, I gave these people legit money from my bank.
Climbing the Walls
How social media changed ADHD forever | 3
Hold on. Hold on, hold on, because the thing, the results are still in here. Really? ADHD. Let's see what happens when you click in ADHD. ADHD online. Hold on. ADHD online diagnosis and treatment. ADHD online LLC. This was November 20th, 2020.
Climbing the Walls
How social media changed ADHD forever | 3
I've been a book and film nerd since I was like five. And I can tell you who won the Oscar since 1973. And I remember when the Golden Globe nominations would come out, we would put up the Christmas tree and I would tell my mom who got nominated that day, Mom couldn't give a flying kitty about who was nominated for a Golden Globe. But I cared because I was 12 years old and what was I going to do?
Climbing the Walls
How social media changed ADHD forever | 3
And I mean, fortunate enough that I was able to use that and, you know, went to film school and became a film professor. But, like, it all stemmed from, like, a hyperfixation as a child. I was like, oh, okay, well, that makes sense.
Climbing the Walls
How social media changed ADHD forever | 3
Then I saw how much those psychiatrists cost. So then I called a couple of them and they were like, I heard some money that was not in my price range. And I was like, I guess I'm just going to be out here mentally ill.
Climbing the Walls
How social media changed ADHD forever | 3
And then having to talk to him, and then I was just like, I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know how to adult this. Like, this is just a weird, like, it was very, like, solo. It was a very solitary journey. So I was just trying to navigate this as best as I could, but also, like, forget about it because I also had to work. And so, like, I think I had my interview with this guy at, like,
Climbing the Walls
How social media changed ADHD forever | 3
7.30 at night because I was like, I got to work all day. And because I'm working at home, it was like, oh, I forgot to eat. And then I was like, oh, I have to fix a meal after this whole day. And now I have to talk to this guy. And now I'm stressed out about this meeting.
Climbing the Walls
How social media changed ADHD forever | 3
I remember, like, it was something that a TikTok had told me, like, oh, when you have an appointment in the middle of the day, do you just, like, forget everything that you have to do because you're very focused on that appointment? And I'm like, yes. Oh, no. So, like, there's all of these things. So, like, I had this appointment with this guy. So I was already stressed out about that.
Climbing the Walls
How social media changed ADHD forever | 3
I had to make sure that, like, my ring camera was on so I didn't want to look. I was like, how do I not look shady? Like, how do I look like a normal person? Like, I had all of these in my head.
Climbing the Walls
How social media changed ADHD forever | 3
I didn't want to look. It was like drug-seeking behavior. There's something so weird about telehealth and talking to someone to be like, hey, I have this problem and I can only get help through you. What can we do about that?
Climbing the Walls
How social media changed ADHD forever | 3
I was like, I have ADHD, and I'm just trying to figure out ways to handle this effectively. And he was like, are you sure you don't have bipolar disorder? And I was like, oh, I'm sure. I'm like, I am very sure that I do not have bipolar disorder. Like, I'm not manic. I don't have, like, epic highs and epic lows.
Climbing the Walls
How social media changed ADHD forever | 3
I don't know what happened, but it's like the algorithm heard the conversation and figured out, like, you're a Black woman with ADHD. So I started getting more of those TikToks. So, like, a lot of those women were being told they had bipolar disorder. And they were like, no, no, no, this is just ADHD. This is just ADHD.
This American Life
823: The Question Trap
At Code Switch, we're interested in how race and identity shape your world in real and confusing and sometimes funny ways. From riots to race science to the rise of the BBL. Code Switch is a place where we think out loud about how race and identity are connected and how our lives are made richer by it all the time. Come work it out with us together on the Code Switch podcast from NPR.
This American Life
823: The Question Trap
If you say Serena Williams, and they say, oh, I think she's overrated. Or if you say Jada Pinkett, it's like, well, she's too masculine, or she's ruining Will Smith's life, she's controlling him. Or, how do you feel about Lizzo? They're like, oh, she needs to cover her ass. I bring up a black female celebrity,
This American Life
823: The Question Trap
to get their opinion on them, and it usually becomes like a litmus test for how they would treat me as a partner, how they would view me as a person.
This American Life
823: The Question Trap
And he was like, he was like, I don't know what to say here. Because I like talking to you, but I don't love Beyoncé. And I don't want you to be mad at me.
This American Life
823: The Question Trap
I was like, what are you talking about? What are you? And he was like, I know girls do this. And I was like, you're right. And I'm sorry. I apologize. And I was like, well, I guess that's kind of the right answer. So we had a couple more dates.