Barry Baines
speaker
1,145 appearances
30 recordings
1 series
first heard Feb 2024
last heard 3 Apr
Barry Baines’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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recordings per month · last 12 monthsRecordings per month over the last 12 months — 6 in all, peaking in Jan 2026 with 2.
Appearances
You know, through our lifetimes and some of it is, you know, losing, you know, losing loved ones. And that's what we're going to be focusing on. So my personal piece of that is how do you make it meaningful? Everybody grieves at their own rate and pace. And it just it doesn't go away. And the relationship doesn't go away either.
So it's a lasting relationship as long as you're alive to remember a person that you love that's gone. it helps to kind of get through the days sometime. I have one really quick humorous story and then I'll kind of be quiet here.
But I always remember my mom and my dad, when they had tough decisions that, you know, even though like my grandmother, my Bubby, even though she was gone, both my dad and my mom would, you know, kind of, you know, talk to her, they wouldn't go to a medium to contact her, but it was sort of like, you know, what would Bubby do in an, you know, in this kind of situation.
So, so they're also, you can call them up to consult, you know, with you in your mind's eye, in your mind's eye. And that's, that's very, you know, that's very important too. So I say, obviously as a hospice medical director, I've, I, deal, you know, deal a lot with people who go through that.
And it has really sensitized me to, you know, some of the before conversation, you know, Clarence, that everybody does it in their own way. That's not one size fits all. Correct. I said too much already. I'm going to be quiet now.
I think the, you know, ritual traditions, how they relate to religion, being Jewish, what I appreciate is the ability to actually stretch out the grieving process. A lot of times, you know, when a person dies, it's sort of like the pressure to get over it. And, and that actually creates a lot of health issues for people.
Um, and you know, in, in Judaism with death, you get this gathering of community to really help. And it's just how it stages that grief where that, that first week, uh, in Judaism is called the Shiva period. Um, where, you know, basically you, uh, it's, it's supposed to be seven, seven days long Shiva means seven in, uh, in Hebrew. Um,
Most people these days or a lot of people shorten it a bit to not just be sitting and you cover your mirrors in your house and you sit on hard stools when guests come. But most of that Shiva period is spent talking about the person who's gone and remembering stories. And everybody who knew that person has a story. And so you get this treasure trove of stories, which provides a lot of comfort.
So there's that first week. And then the second week, the next phase is a month long period. And that's called Shloshim. And again, it's you sort of stay away from celebrations and stay with your morning and then gradually reintegrate into your community. And usually the morning period lasts a year where you would say a special prayer for those who are observant. called the Kaddish.
It's a prayer of remembrance in a way. And then at the end of that time, the grieving period formally ends, although everybody appreciates that it never ends. And there's on the anniversary of that person's death, that's sort of when people are remembered. Interestingly, the anniversary of my mother's death starts tonight. So I'll be...
you know, saying this prayer and lighting a candle, you know, so again, it comes on. So I sort of like that more gradual reintegration back into your community rather than trying to compress your grieving and, you know, kind of just, you know, get over it kind of thing because I think we've already acknowledged that everybody goes at their own pace and you know, even a year may not be enough.
Right. You know, it's, it's, you know, it goes on, I think, you know, longer than that, but certainly focusing in on, on that gradual reintroduction, I think is helpful. So that's the rituals that, that I kind of under, you know, understand and have been a part of. And for myself, they, they've always been very, very helpful. Maddie. How about for you?
I kind of agree with Maddie. You know, there are some scripts about, you know, things to say. And I think the little story that you told, Stan, of just someone coming over and touching you, it's realizing the comfort of just a presence and being there and that you don't, people feel oftentimes compelled to say something. And then they're also worried.
They're not going to say the right, the right thing is how do you comfort? And oftentimes just going over and just looking at the person and touching them says, you know, says it all. Yeah. Um, and, and I, you know, I, I guess the thing, you know, something simple, I, you know, I'm sorry for your loss. Um,
Again, and then just, you know, hanging out or telling, you know, letting the griever sort of initiate, you know, where you go. And oftentimes I think what we bring when we go to a funeral is that we have within us a nugget, as it were, of the experience that we've had with their loved one. And it's the sharing of that that oftentimes...
brings the most comfort because oftentimes you hear things that you never heard before um you know about you know experiences and stuff like that and stuff like that so i you know i think simple is is best um and just being a presence and being there to listen and as maddie said and to support um i think the other the other piece is that uh realizing that initially
After the person, a loved one dies, there's lots of people visiting. Yes. And then as time goes on, all of a sudden, and that's a great support for the griever. And then what happens over time is that really disappears. And so thinking about maintaining a presence, not in the first weeks afterwards, but also to be checking in. that oftentimes can be the most helpful.
Because I think a lot of people, when they lose somebody and they grieve, they start to feel isolated. And then this is where we get into some of the medical things about why people get depressed. And it's normal to get depressed after you lose a loved one. I mean, that's a real health thing. However, when unresolved grief, which is grief
a very deep grief that goes on for a long period of time can create significant health issues for people that, you know, we obviously don't have, you know, we could spend many episodes, you know, focusing in, you know, on that piece. You know, they're shocking deaths.
I want to just quickly tie together a couple of things. One is the great research that Sheridan had done. And that is that funerals are expensive. And most people don't know about it. Oftentimes, and this actually is a plea for doing some pre-planning, as Clarence mentioned, and as all of us know, taxes and one other thing in life and death, we are all going to die.
Showing 961–980 of 1,145 · page 49 of 58
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