Becky Hayter

I would get so pissed when people would say something.

I would get so pissed when people would say something.

I mean, a lot of that can lead up to it.

I mean, a lot of that can lead up to it.

Thankfully, I guess. Yeah. There's a couple key points. Definitely anyone listening to take out of it, though, like your friend. It has nothing to do with the acceptance of the people around you that limits someone's capability of expressing that part of themselves. Right. So if someone's hiding that and it's late of them coming out, it's not it's never a you issue. Right.

Thankfully, I guess. Yeah. There's a couple key points. Definitely anyone listening to take out of it, though, like your friend. It has nothing to do with the acceptance of the people around you that limits someone's capability of expressing that part of themselves. Right. So if someone's hiding that and it's late of them coming out, it's not it's never a you issue. Right.

There's a lot of people feel sad that someone didn't trust them. Like, you know, did they do something wrong? But that's just never the case. we just live in a world where we just question it. And, and so when we, I speak to this often, queer people live a very different life from a maturity perspective.

There's a lot of people feel sad that someone didn't trust them. Like, you know, did they do something wrong? But that's just never the case. we just live in a world where we just question it. And, and so when we, I speak to this often, queer people live a very different life from a maturity perspective.

So your friend lived on authentically themselves for such a long time that when they finally did come out and live authentically themselves, that's when they kind of started life. And so they're starting life at a later period of time, right? You're,

So your friend lived on authentically themselves for such a long time that when they finally did come out and live authentically themselves, that's when they kind of started life. And so they're starting life at a later period of time, right? You're,

Yeah. So you'll notice that a lot of queer people go through this kind of like crazy unhinged stage later in life is because they were finally themselves or in an environment. They feel like they can be themselves when most cis, you know, straight people have just lived authentically themselves their entire life.

Yeah. So you'll notice that a lot of queer people go through this kind of like crazy unhinged stage later in life is because they were finally themselves or in an environment. They feel like they can be themselves when most cis, you know, straight people have just lived authentically themselves their entire life.

She did. I did Kale's dating show. What was it? Kale had a dating show? Yeah.

She did. I did Kale's dating show. What was it? Kale had a dating show? Yeah.

If you've never like thought through it, like just you being there for her and you being and her being comfortable enough to come out to you. And like, that's huge. Right.

If you've never like thought through it, like just you being there for her and you being and her being comfortable enough to come out to you. And like, that's huge. Right.

That's just how we are coded is just this fear, right? I mean, I went through this. I remember I had all my guy friends, my best friends from high school. They were up at my college house and we were playing drinking games and and I was so nervous to tell them about me having a girlfriend. Oh, you were nervous? Oh, so nervous. I was going to say, you have to be very vulnerable.

That's just how we are coded is just this fear, right? I mean, I went through this. I remember I had all my guy friends, my best friends from high school. They were up at my college house and we were playing drinking games and and I was so nervous to tell them about me having a girlfriend. Oh, you were nervous? Oh, so nervous. I was going to say, you have to be very vulnerable.

I just didn't know what to expect. You never really know. And they gave me no reasons of ever thinking otherwise, but I remember telling them, and they were just like, love you, happy for you, can we please keep playing this game?

I just didn't know what to expect. You never really know. And they gave me no reasons of ever thinking otherwise, but I remember telling them, and they were just like, love you, happy for you, can we please keep playing this game?

I don't know uh something clone where like it was all different people that looked like Cuervo it was crazy wow um never knew now I'm about to go and find this yeah a bunch of reunions I've done but it was funny because the marriage boot camp the marriage boot camp they made it seem like I was the reason that Kale and Javi got divorced because there was a whole rumor about me and Kale dating

I don't know uh something clone where like it was all different people that looked like Cuervo it was crazy wow um never knew now I'm about to go and find this yeah a bunch of reunions I've done but it was funny because the marriage boot camp the marriage boot camp they made it seem like I was the reason that Kale and Javi got divorced because there was a whole rumor about me and Kale dating

And coming out never ends. I, you know, even when I started, I, I work in corporate America and, and so you're constantly coming out and every new person call that you meet.

And coming out never ends. I, you know, even when I started, I, I work in corporate America and, and so you're constantly coming out and every new person call that you meet.

What does that mean? Because people assume, right. People assume, you know, I worked in a male dominated industry for a while and they asked if I had a boyfriend or husband. And so I was always in a situation of having to come out again. And there were certain, I spent a large deal of my first career life of just hiding the best part of myself. And that's horrible.

What does that mean? Because people assume, right. People assume, you know, I worked in a male dominated industry for a while and they asked if I had a boyfriend or husband. And so I was always in a situation of having to come out again. And there were certain, I spent a large deal of my first career life of just hiding the best part of myself. And that's horrible.

It wasn't worth the conversation or the potential backlash of it. And I didn't experience any type of... My family, my parents were accepting. My siblings were accepting.

It wasn't worth the conversation or the potential backlash of it. And I didn't experience any type of... My family, my parents were accepting. My siblings were accepting.

I never faced any of that hardship, which is really not common. A lot of people find... we have two friends that we recently just became friends with and they just got engaged and neither of their families support them. And it, and when you get engaged, it's just supposed to be this, just the best frigging time of your life.

I never faced any of that hardship, which is really not common. A lot of people find... we have two friends that we recently just became friends with and they just got engaged and neither of their families support them. And it, and when you get engaged, it's just supposed to be this, just the best frigging time of your life.

When you get engaged, like those, that month is just the most beautiful month that there is, I think in your entire relationship. And, you know, we threw them like this little surprise, uh, congratulations. And they were just so emotional about it. And yeah, Love is just supposed to be celebrated at any capacity.

When you get engaged, like those, that month is just the most beautiful month that there is, I think in your entire relationship. And, you know, we threw them like this little surprise, uh, congratulations. And they were just so emotional about it. And yeah, Love is just supposed to be celebrated at any capacity.

And it makes me really sad that people have to question and, and, and really Leah to Leah, my wife, um, she would, her, her direct, her mom and dad were accepting, but she was worried. Her dad's a farmer raised in, you know, in this, in the area that we are. And she, she,

And it makes me really sad that people have to question and, and, and really Leah to Leah, my wife, um, she would, her, her direct, her mom and dad were accepting, but she was worried. Her dad's a farmer raised in, you know, in this, in the area that we are. And she, she,

we dated for a while before she told him and it was, you know, I felt a little bad cause I was like, I can't do this unless they know. Cause I feel like I'm sneaking around. Um, and she wrote him a letter and he, she, he thought she was dying. Like, and he started crying and it was just, you know, and he was just happy she wasn't dying.

we dated for a while before she told him and it was, you know, I felt a little bad cause I was like, I can't do this unless they know. Cause I feel like I'm sneaking around. Um, and she wrote him a letter and he, she, he thought she was dying. Like, and he started crying and it was just, you know, and he was just happy she wasn't dying.

Yeah. I've, I collect in outside my family, my sibling, I have really great relationships with, but, Outside of that, I collect really good people. I've been so, like, the humans in my life are just genuinely good people. male and female all over. Like we have a core group of friends that they're just, and that's, I feel like that's how life is. You are who you surround yourself by.

Yeah. I've, I collect in outside my family, my sibling, I have really great relationships with, but, Outside of that, I collect really good people. I've been so, like, the humans in my life are just genuinely good people. male and female all over. Like we have a core group of friends that they're just, and that's, I feel like that's how life is. You are who you surround yourself by.

And that's always just been something I live. I have lived by. And honestly, that's a part of the reason that me and kale, we weren't friends for the past five years. We just, um, she just had surrounded herself with really toxic people. And that was the only situation that, um, I was around toxicness besides my past relationships.

And that's always just been something I live. I have lived by. And honestly, that's a part of the reason that me and kale, we weren't friends for the past five years. We just, um, she just had surrounded herself with really toxic people. And that was the only situation that, um, I was around toxicness besides my past relationships.

So I was in a really bad place in life. It was 2020. I went through a really dark, like wanted to take dirt naps all the time, like did not want to be here. And so I wasn't able to be present for myself and just adding the stress. I mean, you guys know Kale. She has constant stress. just shit going on around her and just chaos around her.

So I was in a really bad place in life. It was 2020. I went through a really dark, like wanted to take dirt naps all the time, like did not want to be here. And so I wasn't able to be present for myself and just adding the stress. I mean, you guys know Kale. She has constant stress. just shit going on around her and just chaos around her.

And at that point it was just, you know, she was with Chris and there was just a lot of toxic nature around just what she was in. And I just couldn't, I couldn't handle it. I couldn't deal with it. I didn't want to be alive. So how was I supposed to want to be alive or, you know, the weight of that as well. So that was, we had the, um, a falling out based on a different conversation, but

And at that point it was just, you know, she was with Chris and there was just a lot of toxic nature around just what she was in. And I just couldn't, I couldn't handle it. I couldn't deal with it. I didn't want to be alive. So how was I supposed to want to be alive or, you know, the weight of that as well. So that was, we had the, um, a falling out based on a different conversation, but

It all – it kind of all played into it. So the falling out happened because you were like, listen, I can't – No, the falling – I won't get too deep into it, but the falling out happened – it was based on a political conversation in 2020. Okay. Oh, okay. But I don't give credit to just that. I think it was an overall – we were – A whole bunch of things.

It all – it kind of all played into it. So the falling out happened because you were like, listen, I can't – No, the falling – I won't get too deep into it, but the falling out happened – it was based on a political conversation in 2020. Okay. Oh, okay. But I don't give credit to just that. I think it was an overall – we were – A whole bunch of things.

So that's the whole war on the internet is Kayla and I dated. I was the reason that Ty's like, what is going on right now?

So that's the whole war on the internet is Kayla and I dated. I was the reason that Ty's like, what is going on right now?

We were both being played by people that were in her life of just, like, people bringing the worst out of me, right? People were coming to, like... I just started becoming a version of myself that I didn't even... I didn't like. And then she... They would go back to Kale and chirp in her ear about... Stuff's just piling and... And I don't deal with that in my life, right? Right.

We were both being played by people that were in her life of just, like, people bringing the worst out of me, right? People were coming to, like... I just started becoming a version of myself that I didn't even... I didn't like. And then she... They would go back to Kale and chirp in her ear about... Stuff's just piling and... And I don't deal with that in my life, right? Right.

I have good people in my life, so... it was just, it was not a good time for it. And then Kale was going through what she was going through and it wasn't a good time for either of us. And you know, now people are like, how are you starting? Uh, Kale and I started a podcast, karma and chaos. And they're like, give you, give your guys a second. Like you just started your friendship again. And,

I have good people in my life, so... it was just, it was not a good time for it. And then Kale was going through what she was going through and it wasn't a good time for either of us. And you know, now people are like, how are you starting? Uh, Kale and I started a podcast, karma and chaos. And they're like, give you, give your guys a second. Like you just started your friendship again. And,

It's not like that because we cared and loved for each other for, you know, almost 10 years prior to that. We were, we were great friends.

It's not like that because we cared and loved for each other for, you know, almost 10 years prior to that. We were, we were great friends.

Um, and I, and. I love and care for her so much as a person. And so that never, that just kind of came back and we are both the best versions of ourself now than we've ever been. And so we finally get to give each other a friendship that we deserve. Yeah. Um, yeah, it's been a really beautiful, she reached out to me.

Um, and I, and. I love and care for her so much as a person. And so that never, that just kind of came back and we are both the best versions of ourself now than we've ever been. And so we finally get to give each other a friendship that we deserve. Yeah. Um, yeah, it's been a really beautiful, she reached out to me.

So my dad passed away in June, like two weeks before my, our, my and Leo's wedding and Kale reached out when my dad passed away. And so I was struggling with a lot of grief, obviously. And, um,

So my dad passed away in June, like two weeks before my, our, my and Leo's wedding and Kale reached out when my dad passed away. And so I was struggling with a lot of grief, obviously. And, um,

I was struggling with people in my life who were important with my, in my life that didn't reach out to, you know, that didn't because of whatever reason they didn't, you know, give their, whatever that word is that you're supposed to, um, and be there for you.

I was struggling with people in my life who were important with my, in my life that didn't reach out to, you know, that didn't because of whatever reason they didn't, you know, give their, whatever that word is that you're supposed to, um, and be there for you.

And so when kale reached out, it just like kind of struck something inside me of just validating my own grief of, of other people and validating that you should reach out when something happens to reevaluate who you're around and wait, why?

And so when kale reached out, it just like kind of struck something inside me of just validating my own grief of, of other people and validating that you should reach out when something happens to reevaluate who you're around and wait, why?

It was, it was a very, I mean, grief brings up so much.

It was, it was a very, I mean, grief brings up so much.

And so from that, we, it was funny. She, she, we started a conversation after kind of just check, uh, catching up and she called me and I was like, listen, I'm going to be honest. Like I talked my shit the past five years and I don't want to, I don't want this to come up now. Um, and she just like respected that, that I was just like, Hey, I talked my shit to the end. It was never publicly.

And so from that, we, it was funny. She, she, we started a conversation after kind of just check, uh, catching up and she called me and I was like, listen, I'm going to be honest. Like I talked my shit the past five years and I don't want to, I don't want this to come up now. Um, and she just like respected that, that I was just like, Hey, I talked my shit to the end. It was never publicly.

I'm like, why were you even in a marriage boot camp? They were doing a mock wedding and they asked if anyone in the audience objected. And I just stood up and Javi's face was...

I'm like, why were you even in a marriage boot camp? They were doing a mock wedding and they asked if anyone in the audience objected. And I just stood up and Javi's face was...

Just like, I just let people come when kale would have falling outs with people. They would always come to me. Really talk shit.

Just like, I just let people come when kale would have falling outs with people. They would always come to me. Really talk shit.

Yeah. Because they knew. And did you know these people? Yeah. Most of them I knew. And you guys know how the life is. Right after me and Kale had our breakup or whatever it is that you call it, tabloids were reaching out to me one after another trying to get me to sell my story. And I think that's also why it was so easy for us because I never publicly talked about her.

Yeah. Because they knew. And did you know these people? Yeah. Most of them I knew. And you guys know how the life is. Right after me and Kale had our breakup or whatever it is that you call it, tabloids were reaching out to me one after another trying to get me to sell my story. And I think that's also why it was so easy for us because I never publicly talked about her.

I never publicly talked about our situation.

I never publicly talked about our situation.

situation and that comes down to you being a good person yeah and you care about the people that you care you know that you love your motivation to break her right yeah and so that's why i said to kayla wasn't really more so me talking shit it was more me welcoming people talking about her and that just never left like a good feeling for me yeah but again that's i was just like i don't want these people coming forward and being like right and she was like yeah

situation and that comes down to you being a good person yeah and you care about the people that you care you know that you love your motivation to break her right yeah and so that's why i said to kayla wasn't really more so me talking shit it was more me welcoming people talking about her and that just never left like a good feeling for me yeah but again that's i was just like i don't want these people coming forward and being like right and she was like yeah

just lay it all out on the table now you know and you still hang out those like those people are still in your life okay no they weren't people in my life to begin with it's just like for whatever reason when kale would have issues with people they would just scurry scurry over to me interesting every single one yeah it's like a damn plague like they want to just get let me collect as many people that can hate and agree with my opinion as much as possible it's toxic

just lay it all out on the table now you know and you still hang out those like those people are still in your life okay no they weren't people in my life to begin with it's just like for whatever reason when kale would have issues with people they would just scurry scurry over to me interesting every single one yeah it's like a damn plague like they want to just get let me collect as many people that can hate and agree with my opinion as much as possible it's toxic

Yeah, I just, and that's, and it's, I've done a really conscious effort in removing myself from toxic situations. I've been in toxic relationships that have hurt people I love because of that relationship pouring over into my other relationships. And so... I'm very conscious of who I give my energy to. Same.

Yeah, I just, and that's, and it's, I've done a really conscious effort in removing myself from toxic situations. I've been in toxic relationships that have hurt people I love because of that relationship pouring over into my other relationships. And so... I'm very conscious of who I give my energy to. Same.

no like what is she because he didn't know i was there no yeah um like they had pictures blasted all over their hotel room of me and kale kissing which actually makes it seem like but we did not i can assure you so how did they get a picture you're kissing So, Kale was pregnant.

no like what is she because he didn't know i was there no yeah um like they had pictures blasted all over their hotel room of me and kale kissing which actually makes it seem like but we did not i can assure you so how did they get a picture you're kissing So, Kale was pregnant.

And I've been so impressed with Kale in these past however many months of re-getting to know her. And she's grown up so much in the five years that I've been gone. You know, she even said, you know, we were talking and she was just like... she was talking about scheduling stuff to record our podcast. And she's like, I can come to you. No problem.

And I've been so impressed with Kale in these past however many months of re-getting to know her. And she's grown up so much in the five years that I've been gone. You know, she even said, you know, we were talking and she was just like... she was talking about scheduling stuff to record our podcast. And she's like, I can come to you. No problem.

And that was never something that kale would have said when we were friends before. And she had said before that I just drove to her all the time. And then almost 10 years of friendship. She had been to my house like a couple of times. Like it was, yeah, it was like a very, and, um, that's interesting. Yeah.

And that was never something that kale would have said when we were friends before. And she had said before that I just drove to her all the time. And then almost 10 years of friendship. She had been to my house like a couple of times. Like it was, yeah, it was like a very, and, um, that's interesting. Yeah.

And so, you know, I said to her, I was like, hell, I just want you to know, like I recognize this effort and I really, it's really appreciated. And she was, you know, she was like, I wasn't a good equal friend to you before. And I don't want that to be the situation now. And I want to make sure that you know that. And even things like little things like that, right.

And so, you know, I said to her, I was like, hell, I just want you to know, like I recognize this effort and I really, it's really appreciated. And she was, you know, she was like, I wasn't a good equal friend to you before. And I don't want that to be the situation now. And I want to make sure that you know that. And even things like little things like that, right.

She'll check in on me and not that she didn't check on me on in on me before, but it is different. Like she cares about,

She'll check in on me and not that she didn't check on me on in on me before, but it is different. Like she cares about,

she i feel that she cares about me a lot more as a human and like i really value that and that's something i don't keep people around that aren't making those efforts anymore i feel like her taking accountability is just a it's another example of the growth and that you have to have humility in order to for sure this gap and i feel like

she i feel that she cares about me a lot more as a human and like i really value that and that's something i don't keep people around that aren't making those efforts anymore i feel like her taking accountability is just a it's another example of the growth and that you have to have humility in order to for sure this gap and i feel like

If someone crosses your mind, text them. It's something that I've always lived by.

If someone crosses your mind, text them. It's something that I've always lived by.

Yeah, I was actually just conscious. I was on my flight here and I was consciously thinking I've been pretty absent. I've been pretty absent from my friends the past couple of, I would say past month and a half, just because Leah and I have been really deep in IVF. And I was like, now that things have slowed down a little bit, I consciously thought I need to

Yeah, I was actually just conscious. I was on my flight here and I was consciously thinking I've been pretty absent. I've been pretty absent from my friends the past couple of, I would say past month and a half, just because Leah and I have been really deep in IVF. And I was like, now that things have slowed down a little bit, I consciously thought I need to

everyone's been checking on me, which I needed this past month and a half, which is totally fine. But I, when I get home, I was like, I need to do a, a trip around the world and, and just, you know, reach out to those people and checking with them and make sure that they're, they're good too. Right. So how was IVF? Like, how was that whole process?

everyone's been checking on me, which I needed this past month and a half, which is totally fine. But I, when I get home, I was like, I need to do a, a trip around the world and, and just, you know, reach out to those people and checking with them and make sure that they're, they're good too. Right. So how was IVF? Like, how was that whole process?

So it's a lot. IVF is a lot for anyone. No one prepares you for the mental roller coaster that comes with IVF. We started in February and we let's go. Let's go through the. Yes. thing because I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to just give you the ending.

So it's a lot. IVF is a lot for anyone. No one prepares you for the mental roller coaster that comes with IVF. We started in February and we let's go. Let's go through the. Yes. thing because I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to just give you the ending.

And so when you start with IVF first, you, you know, you go and do your baseline testing, figure out making sure that this is for queer, for, for my experience, for straight people, it's a little different because obviously if you're going into that, you're going because you think that there's an infertility issue where you need help, which is so freaking common that it's not talked about enough.

And so when you start with IVF first, you, you know, you go and do your baseline testing, figure out making sure that this is for queer, for, for my experience, for straight people, it's a little different because obviously if you're going into that, you're going because you think that there's an infertility issue where you need help, which is so freaking common that it's not talked about enough.

I brought Kale to a Pride with me, and she was pregnant, and we took a picture kissing, and she was like, can we just kind of play into this so people don't know I'm pregnant? And I was like, yeah, girl. Okay. Okay. What do I have to lose, you know? So really, so you and Kale never had a relationship?

I brought Kale to a Pride with me, and she was pregnant, and we took a picture kissing, and she was like, can we just kind of play into this so people don't know I'm pregnant? And I was like, yeah, girl. Okay. Okay. What do I have to lose, you know? So really, so you and Kale never had a relationship?

Um, for us, we don't have any, we, we didn't go because we had infertility issues. We just don't have that with us. Um, and so we went and did our baseline testing. They, they reach out to your insurance. IVF is fucking expensive.

Um, for us, we don't have any, we, we didn't go because we had infertility issues. We just don't have that with us. Um, and so we went and did our baseline testing. They, they reach out to your insurance. IVF is fucking expensive.

It shouldn't be. At the time, neither of our insurances covered it. Luckily, my job switched their benefit package and mine ended up did covering it. So we only had to pay for Leah. But we decided that we wanted to do co-IVF. And so that's when you do egg retrievals, you fertilize the eggs, and then you swap. So Leah will carry my embryo. I'll carry her embryo.

It shouldn't be. At the time, neither of our insurances covered it. Luckily, my job switched their benefit package and mine ended up did covering it. So we only had to pay for Leah. But we decided that we wanted to do co-IVF. And so that's when you do egg retrievals, you fertilize the eggs, and then you swap. So Leah will carry my embryo. I'll carry her embryo.

Yeah. And so we went through also a unique donor selecting process. Typically what people do is they'll go online, they'll go to a cryobank and they'll select a donor based on baby picture and just a little bit of information. That donor stays private and hidden until the child is 18. Then the file opens. That's a pretty common process.

Yeah. And so we went through also a unique donor selecting process. Typically what people do is they'll go online, they'll go to a cryobank and they'll select a donor based on baby picture and just a little bit of information. That donor stays private and hidden until the child is 18. Then the file opens. That's a pretty common process.

Um, luckily I had someone reach out because they started a company. They didn't like that experience and wanted a more personal experience. And so it was a queer couple. It was a pediatrician and a lawyer. They started a private donor matching company. It's called seed scout. And so we went through seed scout and it was the only good experience through this whole entire journey. And, um,

Um, luckily I had someone reach out because they started a company. They didn't like that experience and wanted a more personal experience. And so it was a queer couple. It was a pediatrician and a lawyer. They started a private donor matching company. It's called seed scout. And so we went through seed scout and it was the only good experience through this whole entire journey. And, um,

we essentially interviewed people. That's amazing. Yeah, so we consciously got to choose a really good human that could be a really huge part of our life. Yeah. In most cases, gay men can't donate to sperm banks and it's...

we essentially interviewed people. That's amazing. Yeah, so we consciously got to choose a really good human that could be a really huge part of our life. Yeah. In most cases, gay men can't donate to sperm banks and it's...

wow what i never knew that gay man can't donate blood either it's like it's all out yeah it's just that i don't that's our country is very coded well they should be able to donate blood too if you know you just run everything's tested it's crazy but the that part oh Thank you. Thank you.

wow what i never knew that gay man can't donate blood either it's like it's all out yeah it's just that i don't that's our country is very coded well they should be able to donate blood too if you know you just run everything's tested it's crazy but the that part oh Thank you. Thank you.

Me and Kale have always... I'm naturally a kind of flirtatious person just in my nature of speaking. I enjoy conversating with people. And me and Kale have always had a very...

Me and Kale have always... I'm naturally a kind of flirtatious person just in my nature of speaking. I enjoy conversating with people. And me and Kale have always had a very...

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

interesting dynamic it's always been very playful always been completely just like a friendship but as kale navigated her own sexuality it's always just been a like topic of conversation oh yeah it has been i had no idea there was any rumors You didn't? Are you living under a rock? Google my name and all that comes up is Kale's ex-girlfriend Becky or did Kale and Becky date? Oh, it was years.

interesting dynamic it's always been very playful always been completely just like a friendship but as kale navigated her own sexuality it's always just been a like topic of conversation oh yeah it has been i had no idea there was any rumors You didn't? Are you living under a rock? Google my name and all that comes up is Kale's ex-girlfriend Becky or did Kale and Becky date? Oh, it was years.

Yeah, we met at a bunch of reunions. And it was years ago. Years ago.

Yeah, we met at a bunch of reunions. And it was years ago. Years ago.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Oh, never. No. And we spoke about it. I went on her live show with her in Philly and I spoke about it there that I give off this guilty no when I say it. And I don't know why. Because I started dating my now wife recently.

Oh, never. No. And we spoke about it. I went on her live show with her in Philly and I spoke about it there that I give off this guilty no when I say it. And I don't know why. Because I started dating my now wife recently.

Thank you. Thank you. Like 14 different medicines and shots and expect you – Leah's a medical provider. She's a PA, so she knows that world. Thank God, right? Yeah. God.

Thank you. Thank you. Like 14 different medicines and shots and expect you – Leah's a medical provider. She's a PA, so she knows that world. Thank God, right? Yeah. God.

that exact time when all those rumors started and i've been with her since so we've been together for eight and a half years so when would we have dated you know right oh interesting right yeah so i'm a relationship a serial dater and i've almost never been single so you would have definitely known if kale and we joke that she's not really my type so

that exact time when all those rumors started and i've been with her since so we've been together for eight and a half years so when would we have dated you know right oh interesting right yeah so i'm a relationship a serial dater and i've almost never been single so you would have definitely known if kale and we joke that she's not really my type so

And if it wasn't for her, like – and not for nothing, also a lot of people going through IVF might not have that support of a husband that can help and guide through that journey too. And I think about that often of just how lonely – we were lucky we got to do it together. We had each other to go through that.

And if it wasn't for her, like – and not for nothing, also a lot of people going through IVF might not have that support of a husband that can help and guide through that journey too. And I think about that often of just how lonely – we were lucky we got to do it together. We had each other to go through that.

just how lonely some people must feel going through that process and the emotions that kind of come from it.

just how lonely some people must feel going through that process and the emotions that kind of come from it.

I think it should be a caseworker. I think each person should have a caseworker that helps guide them through each step.

I think it should be a caseworker. I think each person should have a caseworker that helps guide them through each step.

And it could be that way at other places. That's just not the experience that we have. Right. And it could be because we went to somewhere that was cheaper. Right. Like we're not getting that personalized experience. It could have been different. And so. Outside the medical part of it all.

And it could be that way at other places. That's just not the experience that we have. Right. And it could be because we went to somewhere that was cheaper. Right. Like we're not getting that personalized experience. It could have been different. And so. Outside the medical part of it all.

I started therapy. I restarted therapy a couple months ago knowing that we were going to go through this because I wanted someone to know me as a human before all the drugs. Yeah. Yeah, right. I didn't want to walk into therapy and just be hysterically crying and them not knowing me as a person at all.

I started therapy. I restarted therapy a couple months ago knowing that we were going to go through this because I wanted someone to know me as a human before all the drugs. Yeah. Yeah, right. I didn't want to walk into therapy and just be hysterically crying and them not knowing me as a person at all.

So I highly definitely suggest finding a therapist throughout this process too because it can be lonely because there's different... Obviously, we have such a great relationship that we're able to communicate that, but there's so many unexpected feelings that come up through this process that...

So I highly definitely suggest finding a therapist throughout this process too because it can be lonely because there's different... Obviously, we have such a great relationship that we're able to communicate that, but there's so many unexpected feelings that come up through this process that...

having a therapist having a therapist in general is great it's healthy it's healthy but what a beautiful like it's awesome at the end of it it's such a beautiful thing yeah like how exciting and people always say that you're never really ready to have kids but I think that for us it everything kind of made sense we we I was a partier. I was a different state every weekend.

having a therapist having a therapist in general is great it's healthy it's healthy but what a beautiful like it's awesome at the end of it it's such a beautiful thing yeah like how exciting and people always say that you're never really ready to have kids but I think that for us it everything kind of made sense we we I was a partier. I was a different state every weekend.

Leah is a home buddy, like, which was fine. That worked for our relationship. She stayed home. I went out. And until a couple, I would say the past couple years, I enjoy sitting at home on the couch with Leah more than anything in this world. And our lives just kind of slowed down. We slowed down with our friends. Like, we have friends that come over and we hang out. And we were just ready.

Leah is a home buddy, like, which was fine. That worked for our relationship. She stayed home. I went out. And until a couple, I would say the past couple years, I enjoy sitting at home on the couch with Leah more than anything in this world. And our lives just kind of slowed down. We slowed down with our friends. Like, we have friends that come over and we hang out. And we were just ready.

We just got married this July.

We just got married this July.

We were just like, yeah, like... I'm excited. We're excited to experience life with a child now to give them the love. We have so much fucking love to give and we have so much love. We have so much support around us and we were just so, we're just so ready.

We were just like, yeah, like... I'm excited. We're excited to experience life with a child now to give them the love. We have so much fucking love to give and we have so much love. We have so much support around us and we were just so, we're just so ready.

We just haven't met. We haven't had the pleasure of meeting yet.

We just haven't met. We haven't had the pleasure of meeting yet.

And that's also another thing Leah is highly like speaks about is if anyone is thinking in the future of wanting to have kids, especially if you're queer, start the process. Now we wanted to be pregnant in January and, Right. And so it's been almost a year of this whole process. Cause you could do the process, freeze your embryos and let them sit there until you're ready to have kids.

And that's also another thing Leah is highly like speaks about is if anyone is thinking in the future of wanting to have kids, especially if you're queer, start the process. Now we wanted to be pregnant in January and, Right. And so it's been almost a year of this whole process. Cause you could do the process, freeze your embryos and let them sit there until you're ready to have kids.

Awesome.

Awesome.

But just start, start it. Yeah. Because you never know what's going to happen. You never know, you know, the hurdles that, and you want to, when you're ready to have kids, you want to be able to enjoy it. It, it almost doesn't feel real yet because it's just been this scientific process of frustration and like, you know, ebbs and flows. Yeah. Like, whatever. But, yeah. I'm excited. I can't wait.

But just start, start it. Yeah. Because you never know what's going to happen. You never know, you know, the hurdles that, and you want to, when you're ready to have kids, you want to be able to enjoy it. It, it almost doesn't feel real yet because it's just been this scientific process of frustration and like, you know, ebbs and flows. Yeah. Like, whatever. But, yeah. I'm excited. I can't wait.

I've, I've lived a life for enough people of hundreds of people. I've traveled the world. I've experienced life. I've given everything into my early twenties that you're supposed to. And yeah, Which is so awesome.

I've, I've lived a life for enough people of hundreds of people. I've traveled the world. I've experienced life. I've given everything into my early twenties that you're supposed to. And yeah, Which is so awesome.

I can't even. And there's no regrets now because you did it all. No, none.

I can't even. And there's no regrets now because you did it all. No, none.

Literally none. I feel bad a little bit for Leah because she was, she's a physician's assistant. So her life was a little bit different than mine. She didn't get to, I lived college how everyone's supposed to live college. Yeah. she was studying all through college. So she has a little bit more traveling that I'd like to see her just experience in the world. But you know what's cool? We have time.

Literally none. I feel bad a little bit for Leah because she was, she's a physician's assistant. So her life was a little bit different than mine. She didn't get to, I lived college how everyone's supposed to live college. Yeah. she was studying all through college. So she has a little bit more traveling that I'd like to see her just experience in the world. But you know what's cool? We have time.

And you know what's cool, though?

And you know what's cool, though?

Oh, for sure.

Oh, for sure.

Yeah, we're going to... we're excited oh my gosh I can't wait to keep up on that you guys are cute and I have never even met her and I'm like you guys are so cute I can't wait for the world to just because Leah's one of those people and it'll be interesting to see how she does in kind of a scenario Leah's really funny but she isn't funny for everyone and And you know what I mean?

Yeah, we're going to... we're excited oh my gosh I can't wait to keep up on that you guys are cute and I have never even met her and I'm like you guys are so cute I can't wait for the world to just because Leah's one of those people and it'll be interesting to see how she does in kind of a scenario Leah's really funny but she isn't funny for everyone and And you know what I mean?

I am like a hopeless romantic. I am so, I love my wife. It's actually very similar to you too. Like the Lord that the two of you give and how you present yourself and how in love with you are with her. I've seen that. Right. And so that I'm very coded in that I am obsessed with Leah is the most genuine person you will ever meet in your entire, like beautiful human.

I am like a hopeless romantic. I am so, I love my wife. It's actually very similar to you too. Like the Lord that the two of you give and how you present yourself and how in love with you are with her. I've seen that. Right. And so that I'm very coded in that I am obsessed with Leah is the most genuine person you will ever meet in your entire, like beautiful human.

Like she is a silly goofy girl. Like she is, she is so frigging like cute and funny, but not everyone gets to really see that like side of her until she is a little bit more comfortable. But I'm hoping, I'm hoping throughout this, you know, people get to know her and see her. She's the best.

Like she is a silly goofy girl. Like she is, she is so frigging like cute and funny, but not everyone gets to really see that like side of her until she is a little bit more comfortable. But I'm hoping, I'm hoping throughout this, you know, people get to know her and see her. She's the best.

I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know.

And I'm excited. It's always been fun for me. I've always done well with the attention that comes with being friends with Kale and the things that come along with it. And I've always been very conscious of using that attention for things that are going to give back to the world.

And I'm excited. It's always been fun for me. I've always done well with the attention that comes with being friends with Kale and the things that come along with it. And I've always been very conscious of using that attention for things that are going to give back to the world.

Even throughout this process of IBF and Leah and I creating a family or even Leah and I getting married, the feedback that I am able to get from people of, you know, we give them hope of what they could potentially have in the future is just... That is what I cannot, I just love that social media gives that to us, right?

Even throughout this process of IBF and Leah and I creating a family or even Leah and I getting married, the feedback that I am able to get from people of, you know, we give them hope of what they could potentially have in the future is just... That is what I cannot, I just love that social media gives that to us, right?

Social media gives us this hope that other people might not see that I never had this representation.

Social media gives us this hope that other people might not see that I never had this representation.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do something good with it. I'm so ecstatic that you guys are starting a podcast cause it leaves, um, it, it leaves you to be able to do that a little bit more freedom because like there's so many, you know, team mom has changed.

Do something good with it. I'm so ecstatic that you guys are starting a podcast cause it leaves, um, it, it leaves you to be able to do that a little bit more freedom because like there's so many, you know, team mom has changed.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Conversations are so important. Like life. And I speak to this so much is life's not supposed to be lived alone. And we like pain is so universal and life's fucking hard. And why do it by yourself and why not share life? Right. We have to use the things that happen to us in a way to give back, because if we don't, it's just going to consume us.

Conversations are so important. Like life. And I speak to this so much is life's not supposed to be lived alone. And we like pain is so universal and life's fucking hard. And why do it by yourself and why not share life? Right. We have to use the things that happen to us in a way to give back, because if we don't, it's just going to consume us.

And so what better way to make something worth of pain by helping someone else go through that pain that or prevent someone from going through that by using that?

And so what better way to make something worth of pain by helping someone else go through that pain that or prevent someone from going through that by using that?

The world is not good enough to have someone like her in this world. You know what I mean? And so I just got lucky that we, our paths crossed. She's five years younger than I am. I always say that she was hanging out with the guys that never left my town. And so I came back from, I moved back home from Philly and our paths crossed and it's kind of been, the rest has been history since then.

The world is not good enough to have someone like her in this world. You know what I mean? And so I just got lucky that we, our paths crossed. She's five years younger than I am. I always say that she was hanging out with the guys that never left my town. And so I came back from, I moved back home from Philly and our paths crossed and it's kind of been, the rest has been history since then.

You guys should have seen us be like God here. And we're just sitting here in silence because we're like trying not to yap too much. I don't want to hear it till we have to press record.

You guys should have seen us be like God here. And we're just sitting here in silence because we're like trying not to yap too much. I don't want to hear it till we have to press record.

That's kind of what, that's how we grow. Yeah.

That's kind of what, that's how we grow. Yeah.

Yeah, I think it's going to open it's going to open a lot of doors for the two of you to because you're just such like thought seeking people I can tell already that it's going to open doors for you to continue to grow at a different pace and different perspective than you were able to before.

Yeah, I think it's going to open it's going to open a lot of doors for the two of you to because you're just such like thought seeking people I can tell already that it's going to open doors for you to continue to grow at a different pace and different perspective than you were able to before.

um, you know, consciously making sure that you're bringing on people that are going to challenge you and, and, and educate you and in your own personal growth, which is, I mean, not for nothing, it's going to make you better parents too, right? Like you, you make more connections with people and you allow yourself to open your eyes to that, to the possibilities of what could happen.

um, you know, consciously making sure that you're bringing on people that are going to challenge you and, and, and educate you and in your own personal growth, which is, I mean, not for nothing, it's going to make you better parents too, right? Like you, you make more connections with people and you allow yourself to open your eyes to that, to the possibilities of what could happen.

And it just makes you a better person over overall.

And it just makes you a better person over overall.

yeah you're right oh yeah it's like no i love opposing viewpoints i love oh god does he you would love you would love to have a night at my house with my friends because we all don't agree on everything and we all agree on the things that matter right from you know a moral position but uh we don't agree on and it's always just like bickering back and forth of just it's funny

yeah you're right oh yeah it's like no i love opposing viewpoints i love oh god does he you would love you would love to have a night at my house with my friends because we all don't agree on everything and we all agree on the things that matter right from you know a moral position but uh we don't agree on and it's always just like bickering back and forth of just it's funny

Yeah. Leah is... The best.

Yeah. Leah is... The best.

She, like, gives, like, can feel energy. And I can tell that she would like being around you guys.

She, like, gives, like, can feel energy. And I can tell that she would like being around you guys.

no i am i said she's like talking about all this stuff with her wife i'm like i'm such a puddle they're so cute well you guys we have a house that is open to people like hosting people if you and the fam ever want to come to new jersey in the mountain we have like a mountain house basically um it's beautiful no cell service you said no kids can come there's it's we live on 20 acres so like lots of stuff my camper yeah okay

no i am i said she's like talking about all this stuff with her wife i'm like i'm such a puddle they're so cute well you guys we have a house that is open to people like hosting people if you and the fam ever want to come to new jersey in the mountain we have like a mountain house basically um it's beautiful no cell service you said no kids can come there's it's we live on 20 acres so like lots of stuff my camper yeah okay

yeah please come and all right um but i thank you guys for having me on i've really enjoyed this conversation and i think that there's gonna be a nice friendship that that comes from this thank you thanks yeah you have a podcast so where can people where can they find you Um, all of my socials are hater 25, H A Y T E R. Uh, that's Instagram, anything, whatever it is.

yeah please come and all right um but i thank you guys for having me on i've really enjoyed this conversation and i think that there's gonna be a nice friendship that that comes from this thank you thanks yeah you have a podcast so where can people where can they find you Um, all of my socials are hater 25, H A Y T E R. Uh, that's Instagram, anything, whatever it is.

We had a little bit of a rocky the first couple of years, but we were dating in our early twenties, as you guys know. She was 21 when we met and And yeah, we just got married in July, had a beautiful, beautiful wedding. It was funny because we were engaged for four years and we had no rush to get married.

We had a little bit of a rocky the first couple of years, but we were dating in our early twenties, as you guys know. She was 21 when we met and And yeah, we just got married in July, had a beautiful, beautiful wedding. It was funny because we were engaged for four years and we had no rush to get married.

That's, that's the name for it. And then karma and chaos can find that on Spotify, Apple. You can find me always on Kale's Instagram as well, which I'm sure everyone listening knows who that is. Uh, and then for the haters is my own personal podcast that I remember that. Yeah. I'm excited to be good.

That's, that's the name for it. And then karma and chaos can find that on Spotify, Apple. You can find me always on Kale's Instagram as well, which I'm sure everyone listening knows who that is. Uh, and then for the haters is my own personal podcast that I remember that. Yeah. I'm excited to be good.

I would love to have you guys on. All right.

I would love to have you guys on. All right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Obviously weren't there. How many years ago was it? We went out to dinner. It had to have been eight years ago. It was a very long time ago. Yeah, seven years ago.

Obviously weren't there. How many years ago was it? We went out to dinner. It had to have been eight years ago. It was a very long time ago. Yeah, seven years ago.

And we went to our first fertility appointment and the doctor was like, why aren't you guys married? And we're like, oh, and they were like, and then they were like, this is going to cost you $50,000. And we were like, yeah, let's get married. Yeah. And get presents to help pay for IVF. Right. But it is a false rumor that at-home weddings are cheaper than doing them. Oh, is it? Yeah.

And we went to our first fertility appointment and the doctor was like, why aren't you guys married? And we're like, oh, and they were like, and then they were like, this is going to cost you $50,000. And we were like, yeah, let's get married. Yeah. And get presents to help pay for IVF. Right. But it is a false rumor that at-home weddings are cheaper than doing them. Oh, is it? Yeah.

It's just as expensive.

It's just as expensive.

So we did... So I... I always thought we would elope. I would redo our wedding day every single day of the year if I could. We did a private ceremony. We only had about 30 of our closest family and friends there for the ceremony part and then had a party after. We had a really hard time.

So we did... So I... I always thought we would elope. I would redo our wedding day every single day of the year if I could. We did a private ceremony. We only had about 30 of our closest family and friends there for the ceremony part and then had a party after. We had a really hard time.

we knew that a wedding we wanted to be about ourselves right I was so present with Leah that entire day it it almost felt like no one else was there because of like how present we were with each other that's beautiful but we really were we were struggling with we both have pretty large families but we wanted to keep our ceremonies small and it was really hard for us because we had been together when you're together for so long there's so many people that give into your relationship right and

we knew that a wedding we wanted to be about ourselves right I was so present with Leah that entire day it it almost felt like no one else was there because of like how present we were with each other that's beautiful but we really were we were struggling with we both have pretty large families but we wanted to keep our ceremonies small and it was really hard for us because we had been together when you're together for so long there's so many people that give into your relationship right and

no offense to my family, but my friends were the reason that I got through that relationship and survived different points of life that I wouldn't have been able to do without them. And they deserve to be there. They deserve to see our love. They deserve to. And so that's why we decided not to do really, really small.

no offense to my family, but my friends were the reason that I got through that relationship and survived different points of life that I wouldn't have been able to do without them. And they deserve to be there. They deserve to see our love. They deserve to. And so that's why we decided not to do really, really small.

And we decided to open it up to our closest friends that, you know, meant something to us throughout those almost nine years together.

And we decided to open it up to our closest friends that, you know, meant something to us throughout those almost nine years together.

I know one time you were pregnant.

I know one time you were pregnant.

Yeah. So it had to be Nova.

Yeah. So it had to be Nova.

The issue is that people that are together for so many years, we're not the same people, right? We grow, but we just happen to be the lucky ones that fall in love with that new version of the person and constantly are falling in love with that new version of the person.

The issue is that people that are together for so many years, we're not the same people, right? We grow, but we just happen to be the lucky ones that fall in love with that new version of the person and constantly are falling in love with that new version of the person.

Yeah. I've been around for a while.

Yeah. I've been around for a while.

And that's what ends relationships is we're not willing to grow and fall in love with that new version of the person that they're becoming. And I just I feel lucky to be in that situation that, you know, my relationship is the most stable thing in my life. And same. Yeah, same. You know, you just don't have to worry about it.

And that's what ends relationships is we're not willing to grow and fall in love with that new version of the person that they're becoming. And I just I feel lucky to be in that situation that, you know, my relationship is the most stable thing in my life. And same. Yeah, same. You know, you just don't have to worry about it.

you should talk to kale about this when you have her on your podcast though because she completely disagrees that people can be best friends with their partner really well i'm here to show you yeah because so it was funny just how she spoke to it and i'm looking at her and i'm just like girl you do not know lesbian relationships no because honestly it's like and it's funny because people are always big oh well do you want to come out and hang out with us and i'm like dude

you should talk to kale about this when you have her on your podcast though because she completely disagrees that people can be best friends with their partner really well i'm here to show you yeah because so it was funny just how she spoke to it and i'm looking at her and i'm just like girl you do not know lesbian relationships no because honestly it's like and it's funny because people are always big oh well do you want to come out and hang out with us and i'm like dude

And then you just disappeared. We would vibe really well together. Oh, for sure. Like as humans.

And then you just disappeared. We would vibe really well together. Oh, for sure. Like as humans.

I feel bad for people that... You know, because I know people in relationships that don't really like their partner.

I feel bad for people that... You know, because I know people in relationships that don't really like their partner.

Don't really have a connection with them or similar interests.

Don't really have a connection with them or similar interests.

Or any commonality between them. And I just... I feel like a sense of just sorrow.

Or any commonality between them. And I just... I feel like a sense of just sorrow.

Like for them because... Man, like life is just so great spending it with someone that you love.

Like for them because... Man, like life is just so great spending it with someone that you love.

I think I am. Okay.

I think I am. Okay.

Yeah, so it's so funny because everyone knew I was gay before I did.

Yeah, so it's so funny because everyone knew I was gay before I did.

You know, I was an athlete. I was your pretty typical... you should have known you were a lesbian. I didn't come out until I was 19, my sophomore year of college. And it was for no other reason than I didn't know. I'm from a very small...

You know, I was an athlete. I was your pretty typical... you should have known you were a lesbian. I didn't come out until I was 19, my sophomore year of college. And it was for no other reason than I didn't know. I'm from a very small...

like 99% white town, no queer people, no representation, never saw queer people on the television, never saw queer people represented in really any part of life. So I just didn't know, right? And in high school, you know, I had boyfriends. I did everything that you were supposed to. I was really focused on sports.

like 99% white town, no queer people, no representation, never saw queer people on the television, never saw queer people represented in really any part of life. So I just didn't know, right? And in high school, you know, I had boyfriends. I did everything that you were supposed to. I was really focused on sports.

So it was never really that big of a, you know, this concept of, is this what love is supposed to feel like? And then I went to college, and I went to a college that was full of lesbians. And they all started to, like, take bets of who was going to get me to come out first. It was a wild experience. And what would you do?

So it was never really that big of a, you know, this concept of, is this what love is supposed to feel like? And then I went to college, and I went to a college that was full of lesbians. And they all started to, like, take bets of who was going to get me to come out first. It was a wild experience. And what would you do?

Yeah, and I would just soak up the attention that I got. I'm the youngest of five, so I've always just loved attention at any capacity.

Yeah, and I would just soak up the attention that I got. I'm the youngest of five, so I've always just loved attention at any capacity.

Who is Becky? Where are you from?

Who is Becky? Where are you from?

and so I just like I played into it I never ended up dating anyone and it wasn't until my first girlfriend that I met who didn't show me any attention and I was like what is going on like why isn't this girl giving me attention and my I've always gone for you know very beautiful women very straight-coated who you would never really identify just visually as gay and

and so I just like I played into it I never ended up dating anyone and it wasn't until my first girlfriend that I met who didn't show me any attention and I was like what is going on like why isn't this girl giving me attention and my I've always gone for you know very beautiful women very straight-coated who you would never really identify just visually as gay and

Yeah. Yeah. And so we started dating and the moment we started dating, everything just clicked. It was like, oh, this is what you're supposed to feel like. This is what butterflies feel like. This is what sexual relations... Whatever it is feels like.

Yeah. Yeah. And so we started dating and the moment we started dating, everything just clicked. It was like, oh, this is what you're supposed to feel like. This is what butterflies feel like. This is what sexual relations... Whatever it is feels like.

So I met Kale in 2012. She was friends with my ex at the time. And so I got brought into her life through mutual people. And we always say that Kale got me in the divorce when... When her and Javi got divorced, my ex stayed friends with Javi, and then I stayed friends with Kale. Oh. I've been around for a while. I've done a bunch of teen mom with her. I did marriage boot camp with them.

So I met Kale in 2012. She was friends with my ex at the time. And so I got brought into her life through mutual people. And we always say that Kale got me in the divorce when... When her and Javi got divorced, my ex stayed friends with Javi, and then I stayed friends with Kale. Oh. I've been around for a while. I've done a bunch of teen mom with her. I did marriage boot camp with them.

I went through all the phases of boyfriends and doing whatever you needed to with men. It never felt like anything other than that's what people were doing. So I just did it as well.

I went through all the phases of boyfriends and doing whatever you needed to with men. It never felt like anything other than that's what people were doing. So I just did it as well.

I didn't feel pressured to do it. I just felt like...

I didn't feel pressured to do it. I just felt like...

why wouldn't I be doing it kind of thing or if I don't do it something's wrong with me or like no I never even like questioned myself of it not it because it didn't matter until I like when I met my girlfriend and then that's it all just clicked it was just like oh yeah there because that was this was never this was never what it was supposed to be this is how it's supposed to be. Right. Yeah.

why wouldn't I be doing it kind of thing or if I don't do it something's wrong with me or like no I never even like questioned myself of it not it because it didn't matter until I like when I met my girlfriend and then that's it all just clicked it was just like oh yeah there because that was this was never this was never what it was supposed to be this is how it's supposed to be. Right. Yeah.

I never dated the guys and was like, all right, this is like, or it doesn't feel right. Or I like, I love humans in general. And yeah. And so I, I deep, I'm deeply in love with my friends. I'm deeply in love. And a lot of my friends are men. So I'm not, I can fall in love with men easily.

I never dated the guys and was like, all right, this is like, or it doesn't feel right. Or I like, I love humans in general. And yeah. And so I, I deep, I'm deeply in love with my friends. I'm deeply in love. And a lot of my friends are men. So I'm not, I can fall in love with men easily.

It's just, you know, I just never knew that there was a difference from a physical attraction standpoint until now. I was physically attracted to a girl between the two.

It's just, you know, I just never knew that there was a difference from a physical attraction standpoint until now. I was physically attracted to a girl between the two.

I would get so pissed when people would say something.

I mean, a lot of that can lead up to it.

Thankfully, I guess. Yeah. There's a couple key points. Definitely anyone listening to take out of it, though, like your friend. It has nothing to do with the acceptance of the people around you that limits someone's capability of expressing that part of themselves. Right. So if someone's hiding that and it's late of them coming out, it's not it's never a you issue. Right.

There's a lot of people feel sad that someone didn't trust them. Like, you know, did they do something wrong? But that's just never the case. we just live in a world where we just question it. And, and so when we, I speak to this often, queer people live a very different life from a maturity perspective.

So your friend lived on authentically themselves for such a long time that when they finally did come out and live authentically themselves, that's when they kind of started life. And so they're starting life at a later period of time, right? You're,

Yeah. So you'll notice that a lot of queer people go through this kind of like crazy unhinged stage later in life is because they were finally themselves or in an environment. They feel like they can be themselves when most cis, you know, straight people have just lived authentically themselves their entire life.

She did. I did Kale's dating show. What was it? Kale had a dating show? Yeah.

If you've never like thought through it, like just you being there for her and you being and her being comfortable enough to come out to you. And like, that's huge. Right.

That's just how we are coded is just this fear, right? I mean, I went through this. I remember I had all my guy friends, my best friends from high school. They were up at my college house and we were playing drinking games and and I was so nervous to tell them about me having a girlfriend. Oh, you were nervous? Oh, so nervous. I was going to say, you have to be very vulnerable.

I just didn't know what to expect. You never really know. And they gave me no reasons of ever thinking otherwise, but I remember telling them, and they were just like, love you, happy for you, can we please keep playing this game?

I don't know uh something clone where like it was all different people that looked like Cuervo it was crazy wow um never knew now I'm about to go and find this yeah a bunch of reunions I've done but it was funny because the marriage boot camp the marriage boot camp they made it seem like I was the reason that Kale and Javi got divorced because there was a whole rumor about me and Kale dating

And coming out never ends. I, you know, even when I started, I, I work in corporate America and, and so you're constantly coming out and every new person call that you meet.

What does that mean? Because people assume, right. People assume, you know, I worked in a male dominated industry for a while and they asked if I had a boyfriend or husband. And so I was always in a situation of having to come out again. And there were certain, I spent a large deal of my first career life of just hiding the best part of myself. And that's horrible.

It wasn't worth the conversation or the potential backlash of it. And I didn't experience any type of... My family, my parents were accepting. My siblings were accepting.

I never faced any of that hardship, which is really not common. A lot of people find... we have two friends that we recently just became friends with and they just got engaged and neither of their families support them. And it, and when you get engaged, it's just supposed to be this, just the best frigging time of your life.

When you get engaged, like those, that month is just the most beautiful month that there is, I think in your entire relationship. And, you know, we threw them like this little surprise, uh, congratulations. And they were just so emotional about it. And yeah, Love is just supposed to be celebrated at any capacity.

And it makes me really sad that people have to question and, and, and really Leah to Leah, my wife, um, she would, her, her direct, her mom and dad were accepting, but she was worried. Her dad's a farmer raised in, you know, in this, in the area that we are. And she, she,

we dated for a while before she told him and it was, you know, I felt a little bad cause I was like, I can't do this unless they know. Cause I feel like I'm sneaking around. Um, and she wrote him a letter and he, she, he thought she was dying. Like, and he started crying and it was just, you know, and he was just happy she wasn't dying.

Yeah. I've, I collect in outside my family, my sibling, I have really great relationships with, but, Outside of that, I collect really good people. I've been so, like, the humans in my life are just genuinely good people. male and female all over. Like we have a core group of friends that they're just, and that's, I feel like that's how life is. You are who you surround yourself by.

And that's always just been something I live. I have lived by. And honestly, that's a part of the reason that me and kale, we weren't friends for the past five years. We just, um, she just had surrounded herself with really toxic people. And that was the only situation that, um, I was around toxicness besides my past relationships.

So I was in a really bad place in life. It was 2020. I went through a really dark, like wanted to take dirt naps all the time, like did not want to be here. And so I wasn't able to be present for myself and just adding the stress. I mean, you guys know Kale. She has constant stress. just shit going on around her and just chaos around her.

And at that point it was just, you know, she was with Chris and there was just a lot of toxic nature around just what she was in. And I just couldn't, I couldn't handle it. I couldn't deal with it. I didn't want to be alive. So how was I supposed to want to be alive or, you know, the weight of that as well. So that was, we had the, um, a falling out based on a different conversation, but

It all – it kind of all played into it. So the falling out happened because you were like, listen, I can't – No, the falling – I won't get too deep into it, but the falling out happened – it was based on a political conversation in 2020. Okay. Oh, okay. But I don't give credit to just that. I think it was an overall – we were – A whole bunch of things.

So that's the whole war on the internet is Kayla and I dated. I was the reason that Ty's like, what is going on right now?

We were both being played by people that were in her life of just, like, people bringing the worst out of me, right? People were coming to, like... I just started becoming a version of myself that I didn't even... I didn't like. And then she... They would go back to Kale and chirp in her ear about... Stuff's just piling and... And I don't deal with that in my life, right? Right.

I have good people in my life, so... it was just, it was not a good time for it. And then Kale was going through what she was going through and it wasn't a good time for either of us. And you know, now people are like, how are you starting? Uh, Kale and I started a podcast, karma and chaos. And they're like, give you, give your guys a second. Like you just started your friendship again. And,

It's not like that because we cared and loved for each other for, you know, almost 10 years prior to that. We were, we were great friends.

Um, and I, and. I love and care for her so much as a person. And so that never, that just kind of came back and we are both the best versions of ourself now than we've ever been. And so we finally get to give each other a friendship that we deserve. Yeah. Um, yeah, it's been a really beautiful, she reached out to me.

So my dad passed away in June, like two weeks before my, our, my and Leo's wedding and Kale reached out when my dad passed away. And so I was struggling with a lot of grief, obviously. And, um,

I was struggling with people in my life who were important with my, in my life that didn't reach out to, you know, that didn't because of whatever reason they didn't, you know, give their, whatever that word is that you're supposed to, um, and be there for you.

And so when kale reached out, it just like kind of struck something inside me of just validating my own grief of, of other people and validating that you should reach out when something happens to reevaluate who you're around and wait, why?

It was, it was a very, I mean, grief brings up so much.

And so from that, we, it was funny. She, she, we started a conversation after kind of just check, uh, catching up and she called me and I was like, listen, I'm going to be honest. Like I talked my shit the past five years and I don't want to, I don't want this to come up now. Um, and she just like respected that, that I was just like, Hey, I talked my shit to the end. It was never publicly.

I'm like, why were you even in a marriage boot camp? They were doing a mock wedding and they asked if anyone in the audience objected. And I just stood up and Javi's face was...

Just like, I just let people come when kale would have falling outs with people. They would always come to me. Really talk shit.

Yeah. Because they knew. And did you know these people? Yeah. Most of them I knew. And you guys know how the life is. Right after me and Kale had our breakup or whatever it is that you call it, tabloids were reaching out to me one after another trying to get me to sell my story. And I think that's also why it was so easy for us because I never publicly talked about her.

I never publicly talked about our situation.

situation and that comes down to you being a good person yeah and you care about the people that you care you know that you love your motivation to break her right yeah and so that's why i said to kayla wasn't really more so me talking shit it was more me welcoming people talking about her and that just never left like a good feeling for me yeah but again that's i was just like i don't want these people coming forward and being like right and she was like yeah

just lay it all out on the table now you know and you still hang out those like those people are still in your life okay no they weren't people in my life to begin with it's just like for whatever reason when kale would have issues with people they would just scurry scurry over to me interesting every single one yeah it's like a damn plague like they want to just get let me collect as many people that can hate and agree with my opinion as much as possible it's toxic

Yeah, I just, and that's, and it's, I've done a really conscious effort in removing myself from toxic situations. I've been in toxic relationships that have hurt people I love because of that relationship pouring over into my other relationships. And so... I'm very conscious of who I give my energy to. Same.

no like what is she because he didn't know i was there no yeah um like they had pictures blasted all over their hotel room of me and kale kissing which actually makes it seem like but we did not i can assure you so how did they get a picture you're kissing So, Kale was pregnant.

And I've been so impressed with Kale in these past however many months of re-getting to know her. And she's grown up so much in the five years that I've been gone. You know, she even said, you know, we were talking and she was just like... she was talking about scheduling stuff to record our podcast. And she's like, I can come to you. No problem.

And that was never something that kale would have said when we were friends before. And she had said before that I just drove to her all the time. And then almost 10 years of friendship. She had been to my house like a couple of times. Like it was, yeah, it was like a very, and, um, that's interesting. Yeah.

And so, you know, I said to her, I was like, hell, I just want you to know, like I recognize this effort and I really, it's really appreciated. And she was, you know, she was like, I wasn't a good equal friend to you before. And I don't want that to be the situation now. And I want to make sure that you know that. And even things like little things like that, right.

She'll check in on me and not that she didn't check on me on in on me before, but it is different. Like she cares about,

she i feel that she cares about me a lot more as a human and like i really value that and that's something i don't keep people around that aren't making those efforts anymore i feel like her taking accountability is just a it's another example of the growth and that you have to have humility in order to for sure this gap and i feel like

If someone crosses your mind, text them. It's something that I've always lived by.

Yeah, I was actually just conscious. I was on my flight here and I was consciously thinking I've been pretty absent. I've been pretty absent from my friends the past couple of, I would say past month and a half, just because Leah and I have been really deep in IVF. And I was like, now that things have slowed down a little bit, I consciously thought I need to

everyone's been checking on me, which I needed this past month and a half, which is totally fine. But I, when I get home, I was like, I need to do a, a trip around the world and, and just, you know, reach out to those people and checking with them and make sure that they're, they're good too. Right. So how was IVF? Like, how was that whole process?

So it's a lot. IVF is a lot for anyone. No one prepares you for the mental roller coaster that comes with IVF. We started in February and we let's go. Let's go through the. Yes. thing because I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to just give you the ending.

And so when you start with IVF first, you, you know, you go and do your baseline testing, figure out making sure that this is for queer, for, for my experience, for straight people, it's a little different because obviously if you're going into that, you're going because you think that there's an infertility issue where you need help, which is so freaking common that it's not talked about enough.

I brought Kale to a Pride with me, and she was pregnant, and we took a picture kissing, and she was like, can we just kind of play into this so people don't know I'm pregnant? And I was like, yeah, girl. Okay. Okay. What do I have to lose, you know? So really, so you and Kale never had a relationship?

Um, for us, we don't have any, we, we didn't go because we had infertility issues. We just don't have that with us. Um, and so we went and did our baseline testing. They, they reach out to your insurance. IVF is fucking expensive.

It shouldn't be. At the time, neither of our insurances covered it. Luckily, my job switched their benefit package and mine ended up did covering it. So we only had to pay for Leah. But we decided that we wanted to do co-IVF. And so that's when you do egg retrievals, you fertilize the eggs, and then you swap. So Leah will carry my embryo. I'll carry her embryo.

Yeah. And so we went through also a unique donor selecting process. Typically what people do is they'll go online, they'll go to a cryobank and they'll select a donor based on baby picture and just a little bit of information. That donor stays private and hidden until the child is 18. Then the file opens. That's a pretty common process.

Um, luckily I had someone reach out because they started a company. They didn't like that experience and wanted a more personal experience. And so it was a queer couple. It was a pediatrician and a lawyer. They started a private donor matching company. It's called seed scout. And so we went through seed scout and it was the only good experience through this whole entire journey. And, um,

we essentially interviewed people. That's amazing. Yeah, so we consciously got to choose a really good human that could be a really huge part of our life. Yeah. In most cases, gay men can't donate to sperm banks and it's...

wow what i never knew that gay man can't donate blood either it's like it's all out yeah it's just that i don't that's our country is very coded well they should be able to donate blood too if you know you just run everything's tested it's crazy but the that part oh Thank you. Thank you.

Me and Kale have always... I'm naturally a kind of flirtatious person just in my nature of speaking. I enjoy conversating with people. And me and Kale have always had a very...

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

interesting dynamic it's always been very playful always been completely just like a friendship but as kale navigated her own sexuality it's always just been a like topic of conversation oh yeah it has been i had no idea there was any rumors You didn't? Are you living under a rock? Google my name and all that comes up is Kale's ex-girlfriend Becky or did Kale and Becky date? Oh, it was years.

Yeah, we met at a bunch of reunions. And it was years ago. Years ago.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Oh, never. No. And we spoke about it. I went on her live show with her in Philly and I spoke about it there that I give off this guilty no when I say it. And I don't know why. Because I started dating my now wife recently.

Thank you. Thank you. Like 14 different medicines and shots and expect you – Leah's a medical provider. She's a PA, so she knows that world. Thank God, right? Yeah. God.

that exact time when all those rumors started and i've been with her since so we've been together for eight and a half years so when would we have dated you know right oh interesting right yeah so i'm a relationship a serial dater and i've almost never been single so you would have definitely known if kale and we joke that she's not really my type so

And if it wasn't for her, like – and not for nothing, also a lot of people going through IVF might not have that support of a husband that can help and guide through that journey too. And I think about that often of just how lonely – we were lucky we got to do it together. We had each other to go through that.

just how lonely some people must feel going through that process and the emotions that kind of come from it.

I think it should be a caseworker. I think each person should have a caseworker that helps guide them through each step.

And it could be that way at other places. That's just not the experience that we have. Right. And it could be because we went to somewhere that was cheaper. Right. Like we're not getting that personalized experience. It could have been different. And so. Outside the medical part of it all.

I started therapy. I restarted therapy a couple months ago knowing that we were going to go through this because I wanted someone to know me as a human before all the drugs. Yeah. Yeah, right. I didn't want to walk into therapy and just be hysterically crying and them not knowing me as a person at all.

So I highly definitely suggest finding a therapist throughout this process too because it can be lonely because there's different... Obviously, we have such a great relationship that we're able to communicate that, but there's so many unexpected feelings that come up through this process that...

having a therapist having a therapist in general is great it's healthy it's healthy but what a beautiful like it's awesome at the end of it it's such a beautiful thing yeah like how exciting and people always say that you're never really ready to have kids but I think that for us it everything kind of made sense we we I was a partier. I was a different state every weekend.

Leah is a home buddy, like, which was fine. That worked for our relationship. She stayed home. I went out. And until a couple, I would say the past couple years, I enjoy sitting at home on the couch with Leah more than anything in this world. And our lives just kind of slowed down. We slowed down with our friends. Like, we have friends that come over and we hang out. And we were just ready.

We just got married this July.

We were just like, yeah, like... I'm excited. We're excited to experience life with a child now to give them the love. We have so much fucking love to give and we have so much love. We have so much support around us and we were just so, we're just so ready.

We just haven't met. We haven't had the pleasure of meeting yet.

And that's also another thing Leah is highly like speaks about is if anyone is thinking in the future of wanting to have kids, especially if you're queer, start the process. Now we wanted to be pregnant in January and, Right. And so it's been almost a year of this whole process. Cause you could do the process, freeze your embryos and let them sit there until you're ready to have kids.

Awesome.

But just start, start it. Yeah. Because you never know what's going to happen. You never know, you know, the hurdles that, and you want to, when you're ready to have kids, you want to be able to enjoy it. It, it almost doesn't feel real yet because it's just been this scientific process of frustration and like, you know, ebbs and flows. Yeah. Like, whatever. But, yeah. I'm excited. I can't wait.

I've, I've lived a life for enough people of hundreds of people. I've traveled the world. I've experienced life. I've given everything into my early twenties that you're supposed to. And yeah, Which is so awesome.

I can't even. And there's no regrets now because you did it all. No, none.

Literally none. I feel bad a little bit for Leah because she was, she's a physician's assistant. So her life was a little bit different than mine. She didn't get to, I lived college how everyone's supposed to live college. Yeah. she was studying all through college. So she has a little bit more traveling that I'd like to see her just experience in the world. But you know what's cool? We have time.

And you know what's cool, though?

Oh, for sure.

Yeah, we're going to... we're excited oh my gosh I can't wait to keep up on that you guys are cute and I have never even met her and I'm like you guys are so cute I can't wait for the world to just because Leah's one of those people and it'll be interesting to see how she does in kind of a scenario Leah's really funny but she isn't funny for everyone and And you know what I mean?

I am like a hopeless romantic. I am so, I love my wife. It's actually very similar to you too. Like the Lord that the two of you give and how you present yourself and how in love with you are with her. I've seen that. Right. And so that I'm very coded in that I am obsessed with Leah is the most genuine person you will ever meet in your entire, like beautiful human.

Like she is a silly goofy girl. Like she is, she is so frigging like cute and funny, but not everyone gets to really see that like side of her until she is a little bit more comfortable. But I'm hoping, I'm hoping throughout this, you know, people get to know her and see her. She's the best.

I don't know. I don't know.

And I'm excited. It's always been fun for me. I've always done well with the attention that comes with being friends with Kale and the things that come along with it. And I've always been very conscious of using that attention for things that are going to give back to the world.

Even throughout this process of IBF and Leah and I creating a family or even Leah and I getting married, the feedback that I am able to get from people of, you know, we give them hope of what they could potentially have in the future is just... That is what I cannot, I just love that social media gives that to us, right?

Social media gives us this hope that other people might not see that I never had this representation.

Yeah.

Do something good with it. I'm so ecstatic that you guys are starting a podcast cause it leaves, um, it, it leaves you to be able to do that a little bit more freedom because like there's so many, you know, team mom has changed.

Yeah.

Conversations are so important. Like life. And I speak to this so much is life's not supposed to be lived alone. And we like pain is so universal and life's fucking hard. And why do it by yourself and why not share life? Right. We have to use the things that happen to us in a way to give back, because if we don't, it's just going to consume us.

And so what better way to make something worth of pain by helping someone else go through that pain that or prevent someone from going through that by using that?

The world is not good enough to have someone like her in this world. You know what I mean? And so I just got lucky that we, our paths crossed. She's five years younger than I am. I always say that she was hanging out with the guys that never left my town. And so I came back from, I moved back home from Philly and our paths crossed and it's kind of been, the rest has been history since then.

You guys should have seen us be like God here. And we're just sitting here in silence because we're like trying not to yap too much. I don't want to hear it till we have to press record.

That's kind of what, that's how we grow. Yeah.

Yeah, I think it's going to open it's going to open a lot of doors for the two of you to because you're just such like thought seeking people I can tell already that it's going to open doors for you to continue to grow at a different pace and different perspective than you were able to before.

um, you know, consciously making sure that you're bringing on people that are going to challenge you and, and, and educate you and in your own personal growth, which is, I mean, not for nothing, it's going to make you better parents too, right? Like you, you make more connections with people and you allow yourself to open your eyes to that, to the possibilities of what could happen.

And it just makes you a better person over overall.

yeah you're right oh yeah it's like no i love opposing viewpoints i love oh god does he you would love you would love to have a night at my house with my friends because we all don't agree on everything and we all agree on the things that matter right from you know a moral position but uh we don't agree on and it's always just like bickering back and forth of just it's funny

Yeah. Leah is... The best.

She, like, gives, like, can feel energy. And I can tell that she would like being around you guys.

no i am i said she's like talking about all this stuff with her wife i'm like i'm such a puddle they're so cute well you guys we have a house that is open to people like hosting people if you and the fam ever want to come to new jersey in the mountain we have like a mountain house basically um it's beautiful no cell service you said no kids can come there's it's we live on 20 acres so like lots of stuff my camper yeah okay

yeah please come and all right um but i thank you guys for having me on i've really enjoyed this conversation and i think that there's gonna be a nice friendship that that comes from this thank you thanks yeah you have a podcast so where can people where can they find you Um, all of my socials are hater 25, H A Y T E R. Uh, that's Instagram, anything, whatever it is.

We had a little bit of a rocky the first couple of years, but we were dating in our early twenties, as you guys know. She was 21 when we met and And yeah, we just got married in July, had a beautiful, beautiful wedding. It was funny because we were engaged for four years and we had no rush to get married.

That's, that's the name for it. And then karma and chaos can find that on Spotify, Apple. You can find me always on Kale's Instagram as well, which I'm sure everyone listening knows who that is. Uh, and then for the haters is my own personal podcast that I remember that. Yeah. I'm excited to be good.

I would love to have you guys on. All right.

Yeah.

Obviously weren't there. How many years ago was it? We went out to dinner. It had to have been eight years ago. It was a very long time ago. Yeah, seven years ago.

And we went to our first fertility appointment and the doctor was like, why aren't you guys married? And we're like, oh, and they were like, and then they were like, this is going to cost you $50,000. And we were like, yeah, let's get married. Yeah. And get presents to help pay for IVF. Right. But it is a false rumor that at-home weddings are cheaper than doing them. Oh, is it? Yeah.

It's just as expensive.

So we did... So I... I always thought we would elope. I would redo our wedding day every single day of the year if I could. We did a private ceremony. We only had about 30 of our closest family and friends there for the ceremony part and then had a party after. We had a really hard time.

we knew that a wedding we wanted to be about ourselves right I was so present with Leah that entire day it it almost felt like no one else was there because of like how present we were with each other that's beautiful but we really were we were struggling with we both have pretty large families but we wanted to keep our ceremonies small and it was really hard for us because we had been together when you're together for so long there's so many people that give into your relationship right and

no offense to my family, but my friends were the reason that I got through that relationship and survived different points of life that I wouldn't have been able to do without them. And they deserve to be there. They deserve to see our love. They deserve to. And so that's why we decided not to do really, really small.

And we decided to open it up to our closest friends that, you know, meant something to us throughout those almost nine years together.

I know one time you were pregnant.

Yeah. So it had to be Nova.

The issue is that people that are together for so many years, we're not the same people, right? We grow, but we just happen to be the lucky ones that fall in love with that new version of the person and constantly are falling in love with that new version of the person.

Yeah. I've been around for a while.

And that's what ends relationships is we're not willing to grow and fall in love with that new version of the person that they're becoming. And I just I feel lucky to be in that situation that, you know, my relationship is the most stable thing in my life. And same. Yeah, same. You know, you just don't have to worry about it.

you should talk to kale about this when you have her on your podcast though because she completely disagrees that people can be best friends with their partner really well i'm here to show you yeah because so it was funny just how she spoke to it and i'm looking at her and i'm just like girl you do not know lesbian relationships no because honestly it's like and it's funny because people are always big oh well do you want to come out and hang out with us and i'm like dude

And then you just disappeared. We would vibe really well together. Oh, for sure. Like as humans.

I feel bad for people that... You know, because I know people in relationships that don't really like their partner.

Don't really have a connection with them or similar interests.

Or any commonality between them. And I just... I feel like a sense of just sorrow.

Like for them because... Man, like life is just so great spending it with someone that you love.

I think I am. Okay.

Yeah, so it's so funny because everyone knew I was gay before I did.

You know, I was an athlete. I was your pretty typical... you should have known you were a lesbian. I didn't come out until I was 19, my sophomore year of college. And it was for no other reason than I didn't know. I'm from a very small...

like 99% white town, no queer people, no representation, never saw queer people on the television, never saw queer people represented in really any part of life. So I just didn't know, right? And in high school, you know, I had boyfriends. I did everything that you were supposed to. I was really focused on sports.

So it was never really that big of a, you know, this concept of, is this what love is supposed to feel like? And then I went to college, and I went to a college that was full of lesbians. And they all started to, like, take bets of who was going to get me to come out first. It was a wild experience. And what would you do?

Yeah, and I would just soak up the attention that I got. I'm the youngest of five, so I've always just loved attention at any capacity.

Who is Becky? Where are you from?

and so I just like I played into it I never ended up dating anyone and it wasn't until my first girlfriend that I met who didn't show me any attention and I was like what is going on like why isn't this girl giving me attention and my I've always gone for you know very beautiful women very straight-coated who you would never really identify just visually as gay and

Yeah. Yeah. And so we started dating and the moment we started dating, everything just clicked. It was like, oh, this is what you're supposed to feel like. This is what butterflies feel like. This is what sexual relations... Whatever it is feels like.

So I met Kale in 2012. She was friends with my ex at the time. And so I got brought into her life through mutual people. And we always say that Kale got me in the divorce when... When her and Javi got divorced, my ex stayed friends with Javi, and then I stayed friends with Kale. Oh. I've been around for a while. I've done a bunch of teen mom with her. I did marriage boot camp with them.

I went through all the phases of boyfriends and doing whatever you needed to with men. It never felt like anything other than that's what people were doing. So I just did it as well.

I didn't feel pressured to do it. I just felt like...

why wouldn't I be doing it kind of thing or if I don't do it something's wrong with me or like no I never even like questioned myself of it not it because it didn't matter until I like when I met my girlfriend and then that's it all just clicked it was just like oh yeah there because that was this was never this was never what it was supposed to be this is how it's supposed to be. Right. Yeah.

I never dated the guys and was like, all right, this is like, or it doesn't feel right. Or I like, I love humans in general. And yeah. And so I, I deep, I'm deeply in love with my friends. I'm deeply in love. And a lot of my friends are men. So I'm not, I can fall in love with men easily.

It's just, you know, I just never knew that there was a difference from a physical attraction standpoint until now. I was physically attracted to a girl between the two.