Benjamin Hardy

I'm only measuring myself against where I was before. And the truth is I'm always ahead of my past self. Even if... things go backwards seemingly. Like even if I lose my leg in a car accident, right? Like a lot of bad things can seemingly happen, but if you're in the gain, you're finding the gains and you're creating gains from your experiences.

I would have moved the target. So even if I had hit the New York Times bestseller list from a gap perspective, I still would have felt terrible about myself because I would have moved the target. The target would have been, well, why wasn't I on it for four weeks?

Yeah. Or why didn't I hit number one? So it doesn't even, whether you hit the goal or not, doesn't even matter. If you're in the gap, it will never have been enough because the target will keep changing and you're measuring yourself against something that's and something that's external and always changing.

And so I consider it, you're squeezing as much juice out of your experiences as possible. You're also always choosing to become better as a result, no matter what happens to you. you're in the gain. So everything ultimately happens for you. So I guess it's really two big ideas.

And so, yeah, whether it's other people that you're measuring yourself against or whether it's just your inflated ideals, that's the point is that you won't be happy hitting or not hitting your goals if you stay in the gap. And that's just the key.

One is, is it's measuring yourself backward against where you were before and always realizing that you're further than you were before. And that the only thing I'm actually measuring myself against is myself, which is where I was before. So that's number one is just measuring yourself backwards. The second one is literally turning everything that happens to you into something that happens for you.

So anything, no matter what it was, you can actually gain and grow from it. And if you do, then you're always getting better. You're always learning from every experience. Whereas if you're in the gap, then your past becomes a problem. Like that's from like a psychology standpoint, what you need to be happy in the present is you need a happy past and an exciting future.

So I look at gain thinking two ways. One is it's a way of measuring your progress and measuring your experiences. So for me, for example, I've had a number of experiences already today, even just to this point. And some of them went to plans and some of them didn't go to plans. But if I'm in the gain, I'm measuring what actually did happen. And I'm measuring myself backwards.

And the past is literally a meaning. And so the gain is just a lens of using your, or of transforming your past into more gains, more learning. Even from your most extreme traumas, you can learn to turn those into gains so that you're constantly better and even grateful for them, which is what psychologists would call post-traumatic growth. So it's really just those two things.

I'm only measuring myself against where I was before. And the truth is I'm always ahead of my past self. Even if... things go backwards seemingly. Like even if I lose my leg in a car accident, right? Like a lot of bad things can seemingly happen, but if you're in the gain, you are finding the gains and you're creating gains from your experiences.

I'm only measuring myself against myself backward, and I'm literally turning every experience into my gain.

And so I consider it you're squeezing as much juice out of your experiences as possible. You're also always choosing to become better as a result, no matter what happens to you. you're in the gain. So everything ultimately happens for you. So I guess it's really two big ideas.

One is, is it's measuring yourself backward against where you were before and always realizing that you're further than you were before. And that the only thing I'm actually measuring myself against is myself, which is where I was before. So that's number one is just measuring yourself backwards.

The second one is literally turning everything that happens to you into something that happens for you. So anything, no matter what it was, you can actually gain and grow from it. And if you do, then you're always getting better. You're always learning from every experience. Whereas if you're in the gap, then your past becomes a problem.

Like that's from like a psychology standpoint, what you need to be happy in the present is you need a happy past and an exciting future. And the past is literally a meaning. And so the gain is just a lens of using your, or of transforming your past into more gains, more learning.

Even from your most extreme traumas, you can learn to turn those into gains so that you're constantly better and even grateful for them, which is what psychologists would call post-traumatic growth. So it's really just those two things. I'm only measuring myself against myself backward, and I'm literally turning every experience into my gain.

This is a really interesting concept in psychology. Typically, the way we look at time is we look at it as past, present, and future. And we kind of look at it sequentially. And we also look at it chronologically, like my past is behind me. There's no way I can get back there. My present is now and the future's up ahead of me. I'll never actually be able to go into the future.

All there is is really now. From a psychology standpoint, that's not how psychologists view time. Psychologists don't view time sequentially. We actually view it holistically. So what I mean by that is that the past is currently existing in my life. Like, who I'm being right now is a complete amalgamation of my views of my past, my experiences of my past.

We even today, we're talking about us having a conversation four years ago, right? And so like my past is of course influencing me right now and my narration of the past, my story of the past, the feelings I have toward my past, the anchors I may have in my past that are unresolved, call it trauma or whatever, but also my goals are heavily influencing me. I mean,

Anyone who's listening to this is listening to it for a reason. They're listening to it because they feel like this is going to help them contribute to their goals or help them move forward in their lives. And so everything about my life right now is a combination of my feelings and my perspectives of my past and also my excitements or my feelings towards the future. And so...

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