Bernie Somers

So at that moment in my mind, I decided that was when I was going to kiss her, the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve, which meant I couldn't kiss her tonight because if I kissed her tonight, then our New Year's Eve kiss would be our second kiss. And that's just lame. But here's the thing. This nerd wanted me to kiss her tonight. She had her hand on my thigh. She's got her face close to mine.

She's looking into my eyes. I mean, she's doing everything but saying, kiss me, stupid. But I can't. You know, I'm saving myself for New Year's. So New Year's Eve comes, New Year's Eve day, and I'm getting ready for the party. I'm in the bathroom, really excited, and I'm shaving and brushing and flossing. And all day long, that song is ringing through my head.

She's looking into my eyes. I mean, she's doing everything but saying, kiss me, stupid. But I can't. You know, I'm saving myself for New Year's. So New Year's Eve comes, New Year's Eve day, and I'm getting ready for the party. I'm in the bathroom, really excited, and I'm shaving and brushing and flossing. And all day long, that song is ringing through my head.

She's looking into my eyes. I mean, she's doing everything but saying, kiss me, stupid. But I can't. You know, I'm saving myself for New Year's. So New Year's Eve comes, New Year's Eve day, and I'm getting ready for the party. I'm in the bathroom, really excited, and I'm shaving and brushing and flossing. And all day long, that song is ringing through my head.

Isn't it romantic to be young on a night like this? And it's like the song is telling my brain, don't blow it, Bernie. Kiss her tonight.

Isn't it romantic to be young on a night like this? And it's like the song is telling my brain, don't blow it, Bernie. Kiss her tonight.

Isn't it romantic to be young on a night like this? And it's like the song is telling my brain, don't blow it, Bernie. Kiss her tonight.

So we're at the New Year's Eve party, and we're in this loft, very crowded loft, and we're sipping champagne, talking and laughing, and I look at my watch, it's like 10 minutes to midnight, so I decide to go to the bathroom, because I remember I saw a bottle of mouthwash in there. So I thought, you know, I'll gargle, so when I kiss her at midnight, I'll have minty fresh breath.

So we're at the New Year's Eve party, and we're in this loft, very crowded loft, and we're sipping champagne, talking and laughing, and I look at my watch, it's like 10 minutes to midnight, so I decide to go to the bathroom, because I remember I saw a bottle of mouthwash in there. So I thought, you know, I'll gargle, so when I kiss her at midnight, I'll have minty fresh breath.

So we're at the New Year's Eve party, and we're in this loft, very crowded loft, and we're sipping champagne, talking and laughing, and I look at my watch, it's like 10 minutes to midnight, so I decide to go to the bathroom, because I remember I saw a bottle of mouthwash in there. So I thought, you know, I'll gargle, so when I kiss her at midnight, I'll have minty fresh breath.

So I go in the bathroom, I gargle, and I wash my hands and comb my hair, and I step out of the bathroom, and I see that the number of people at the party has, like, doubled. And before I was packed, when I was like jam-packed, you know, you can't even move a muscle. And I look at my watch and it's five minutes to midnight. And I'm trying to get to her, but I don't even see her.

So I go in the bathroom, I gargle, and I wash my hands and comb my hair, and I step out of the bathroom, and I see that the number of people at the party has, like, doubled. And before I was packed, when I was like jam-packed, you know, you can't even move a muscle. And I look at my watch and it's five minutes to midnight. And I'm trying to get to her, but I don't even see her.

So I go in the bathroom, I gargle, and I wash my hands and comb my hair, and I step out of the bathroom, and I see that the number of people at the party has, like, doubled. And before I was packed, when I was like jam-packed, you know, you can't even move a muscle. And I look at my watch and it's five minutes to midnight. And I'm trying to get to her, but I don't even see her.

And then before you know it, I hear, 10, nine, eight. And I'm like squeezing through the party, trying to find her. Seven, six, five, and then I see her. She's in the corner, but I can't reach her, you know, because there's just too many people between us. Three, two, one, Happy New Year! And everyone is kissing someone, and I see her there in the corner all alone, looking sad and nerdy.

And then before you know it, I hear, 10, nine, eight. And I'm like squeezing through the party, trying to find her. Seven, six, five, and then I see her. She's in the corner, but I can't reach her, you know, because there's just too many people between us. Three, two, one, Happy New Year! And everyone is kissing someone, and I see her there in the corner all alone, looking sad and nerdy.

And then before you know it, I hear, 10, nine, eight. And I'm like squeezing through the party, trying to find her. Seven, six, five, and then I see her. She's in the corner, but I can't reach her, you know, because there's just too many people between us. Three, two, one, Happy New Year! And everyone is kissing someone, and I see her there in the corner all alone, looking sad and nerdy.

And by the time I reach her, it's like 20 minutes after midnight. And before I could say anything, she says, Bernie, I'm leaving. She grabs her coat, and she leaves the party. And she's obviously very angry at me. I don't blame her. You know, it's like our fourth date. I haven't kissed her. I leave her alone on New Year's Eve.

And by the time I reach her, it's like 20 minutes after midnight. And before I could say anything, she says, Bernie, I'm leaving. She grabs her coat, and she leaves the party. And she's obviously very angry at me. I don't blame her. You know, it's like our fourth date. I haven't kissed her. I leave her alone on New Year's Eve.

And by the time I reach her, it's like 20 minutes after midnight. And before I could say anything, she says, Bernie, I'm leaving. She grabs her coat, and she leaves the party. And she's obviously very angry at me. I don't blame her. You know, it's like our fourth date. I haven't kissed her. I leave her alone on New Year's Eve.

So I chase after her, and we're outside, and I kind of grab her by the arm. I say, no, wait. She said, no, Bernie, you know, I'm sensing you're not all that into me, so I'm just going to go home. I said, let me explain. I didn't kiss her on the first date, because I just don't kiss on the first date. And I didn't kiss her on the second date, because I had really bad onion and garlic breath.