Brad Guy

I didn't want to further my burden on my family and I knew how much they were struggling.

I thought a dead son is going to worsen their problems before it actually improves it.

And through the past 10 years, my family and I have become so much more open about our mental health.

And I think this period in my life did encourage us all to get closer, even closer than we were, but I saw how much they were struggling.

And as part of the book, I interviewed my mom, which was so sad.

Oh my God.

Cause we're, we're just big cry babies.

And, uh,

She just loves her kids and what a gift, what a blessing for us all to have.

But in the book there's a segment where she talks about how she was able to cope and she would see me struggling.

I would wake up from a night terror because I'm reliving this experience.

And it eventually divulged into dreams about getting steamrolled, getting pushed off a building, getting mauled by gorillas and being stuck in a cage or stuck in a room where the water's filling up and my entire family is there.

Such visceral, crazy nightmares.

I'd wake up hysterically sobbing.

I've ripped posters down.

I've thrown pillows.

Mum would have to come in and physically restrain me.

I think there's been many turning points for sure.

The first one I can really remember is,

That felt very significant because there were 20 points and also a lot of setbacks.