Brad Williams

Yeah! I made it. I landed on a plane like 10 minutes ago, and now I'm here.

Oh, geez. This would be one, two, three. This is fourth one. Fourth special.

And then if you watch Starfish and then you go see a ticket for me on tour this year, it's going to be different material. It's not going to be the same stuff.

Yeah. I'm always shocked because we're in it. We do comedy all the time. And I'm shocked with how great fans are, but then at the same time, how little they still know.

I remember one guy told me recently, he was asking me about hecklers, and I was like, yeah, sure, it's a thing. Then they go, well, it's part of your job. I'm like, it is, but it should not be. It's not a part of the job I look forward to. It's like, all right, I love to have all this material I've worked on be interrupted. Yeah, disruption. That's the best part.

So I've been doing this for 20 years, but I needed it. I'm selling out the theater, but I needed the help.

Which one? Because I did one with you and I did one with Tom. My story is amazing.

Central California. I want to say Oroville, but it's one of those.

I'm sitting there like, yes. We were like, okay. We're all friends, but it's always weird when people that don't know about comedy are just like, all right, I'll put together a show.

It's horrible. That is a very nice compliment. I got sent the clip. It's on Rogan. I think it's Ari, Mark Norman, and I think Shane, too. They're talking about who you can't follow, and Ari came right in and said Brad. It's just the nicest thing to hear that from fellow killers like yourselves and people like

that that it it's really cool but it also um now it's like this is obviously a very insanely popular podcast now i'm like oh great now people are gonna sit back and be like all right no no what you got i think they actually are gonna go like i'd love to see someone just fucking destroy it it's that it's fun i i'm enjoying this time in my career where now like i've moved on to theaters and now it's like the audience is

they're there for me yeah they're not there on the friday night like all right who's the guy who is this yeah it's like no they're there they're familiar i can reference old jokes and they get it either they're they cheer i talk about you know small urinals or getting thrown into a helicopter in afghanistan and people like we know what he's talking about and it's awesome it it really is and it's uh it's i i feel really fortunate because i never thought i'd get

here i thought like you know i'd get like you know i'd tour some comedy clubs and that'd be good maybe sell some tickets on the saturday early show you can't make plans for this no there's no way you could plan like because there's so many really talented people in this business there's just so many variables too it's like how can you you can't plan for it yeah uh yeah uh you know thank god for covid right because people started you know passing around the clips and yeah i know it's been said a

Did you get jabbed? I did.

Yeah, I got jabbed, and then I wanted to do this thing. I tried to set this up, and because of the time that we were in, I couldn't get people to film it. I wanted to do this thing to where, like, I get jabbed and then I get out and then I start looking at my clothes like, what happened?

And then film it to get people's reaction. I'm like, ah, I was six foot four like two minutes ago.

Side effects. What the shit?

That is the crazy political correct term. So good job. LP.

Yeah. Because it's like, people ask that a lot, and I've got jokes about this. Mulaney's got a great joke about it. Artie Lang's got a great joke about it. But it's like, the bad one is midget. You're not supposed to say that. But I don't like the people that try to say, like, that's our N-word. It's like, why do we need one? And why are we trying to compare?

Like, our slur is worse than your slur. Nah.

I was like, that is unbelievable. He's the damn best, man. He's the best, dude.

Well, it's like, because I've done the thing where I go on stage and sometimes I like to challenge myself. I'll be like, let's not do some dwarf jokes. Let's just go in there and talk about whatever. And I'm staring at the audience and they're just looking at me like, does he know? Like, does he...

say the thing and it's like all right i'll say i'll i'll say i'll say the thing now when you see my show it's not an hour of i could take a bath in the thimble that's weird like like it's not it's not that we move on to different topics but yeah i have to talk about it address it at some point yeah and also why wouldn't i well it's very i'll tell you this i'll tell you what's super upsetting to me is meeting a guy that's like i don't know over six five yeah that doesn't

have a conversation like dude I want to know what it's like what is it like I want to talk about if you're 6'10 we are fucking talking about your height yeah I don't care how exhausted you are of it I'm gonna bring it up yeah because if I'm not the whole time I'm like please bring it up please bring it up yeah and it's funny you mentioned that I did a podcast with the wrestler the big show he's a big fuck yeah he's over 7 feet yeah and we just talked about it was Chris Jericho's podcast and

we just talk about comparisons in terms of the life. And there's actually, like, for the size differences, there's a lot of similarities. Yeah. In terms of, like, obviously, like, flying is difficult for completely different reasons. Yeah. But just growing up and not fitting in and finding out where you do.

Yeah, we're doing all this. Like, cars, can I rent a car? No. What does happen with running a car? I have an opening act. There's a great comic. His name is J.B.

If you had a necessity, do you bring some type of adapter for it? Is there something you can bring? There is. There's pedals that you could... I'm not mechanical. I'm not handy. But there's pedals you can install yourself if you want to. I'm sure if I made a big stink about it, I'm sure some ADA lawyer is listening going like... Brad, call me. Let's do this. Because at home you have a car.

Yeah, I have a car. But that's modified? Which trips the kids out when I drop my daughter off at school. I get out of the car and they're just looking at them. How do you get a car?

Yeah, it's got pedal extenders. So that's like a pedal that's on top of the pedal. Thankfully, I sit just as tall as everybody else, so I have a normal-sized torso. Look at that. LPA Adaptive Products. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, there's pedal extensions. Sometimes you do the hand controls. Oh, like Bert, he has a seatbelt extension when he flies. So that's kind of the same thing, right?

The exact same thing. He's got to bring it in wherever he goes.

Oh, just because the legs fall asleep.

They dangle. Oh. They sell, though, and I bought one. They sell these, like, foot hammocks, and you, like, hang them from the tray. Oh, so that your foot stays.

Yeah, and I got one. I used it for a bit. It was great. But then, I don't know, I felt so weird putting my little foot hammock down. Yeah.

Yeah. So you put the foot hammock down and then- You know what I just realized now?

Yeah.

Crowded bars. Oh, they're, they're impossible. Like I just sit down and everyone's crotch height and I'm just sitting there like, all right. So like what I'll try to do is I'll try to get a bar stool, get on it. I'm like, this is my spot.

Everyone has to come to me. There's definitely full-on conversations. I've had people reach over my head to hand something to someone. You never feel less of a person than when someone's just like, oh, there's a human down there.

I love him liquid death this is a freaking this was like a plastic one though his hand went completely and he just went like like it was a juice box and he was like you make him so focused I have I have one photo with Shaq and I love it I had me and Adam Ray got to play in the celebrity all-star game yeah look at that and like we got to meet Shaq and we got to take a photo with him yeah it's insane it's insane

It's just like, thank God he's rich because he can afford stuff to fit him.

that's my life like people yeah wrote in they're like yeah I'm 6'10 and I'm not athletic and I'm not athletic so I live in the world and I have to and I get reminded of that because I'm sure when people see them they go so you play like you play ball or did you used to play ball do you play volleyball like nope no and I and I live in a normal size place because I can't afford an 18,000 square foot custom right yeah I I have to have a large truck because that's what that's the only thing that can fit me yeah

Yeah, there's a bunch of stuff out there now. We have more representation, which is great. Although I did have to leave a party literally yesterday because I walked in and it was great for a while. I brought the family with me. And then there was this six-year-old girl who just ran up to me, like pointed at me at the party and just like starts busting up laughing.

Oh, and I'm just like I'm sitting there and my kids there. And thankfully, she's not doing my kid. If she did it to my kid, I would have put a foot through her fucking face. But like, yeah, but like I had to leave because I go, I can't call this six year old girl a twat in front of this whole party. Yeah, I can't do it.

And if I stay like because I have these things that I do when I talk to kids to make them kind of understand and understand. It's not harsh. It's very just like, hey, you know, that woman's got brown hair. That one's got blonde hair. So people who have different colored hair, different sizes, people are different. Isn't that great? And 99% of the time, the kids are like, oh, okay, cool.

Because they just want an explanation. And then you get the one...

blonde girl from yesterday who's just like couldn't care less I'm just pointing and laughing and I'm just like I can't so I had to leave because I don't know where her parents were but I left and then someone informed her parents and then the parents were horrified and then they ended up paying for our meal so that was very nice shout out to them we also live in a small town so I'll probably find out who it was very quickly yeah

Oh, they CGI'd it. Yeah, they CGI'd dwarves. Yeah. There we are. Aren't those good-looking little people? And what was the reason for that? The reason for it, now, there's some misconception or some debate about what the actual reason is, but I believe, and I could be wrong, but I believe the reason is literally Peter Dinklage was on the Marc Maron podcast. The Allah of your world? Yes.

He's really good. And I'm not a fan of him for this, but he pretty much said because Maren brought up they're doing a live action Snow White.

And Dinklage kind of went like, oh, I hope they're not doing the dwarf thing again. Like we have to deal with that. And I'm sitting here going like, well, some of us would like to deal with that. Yeah. Dink. Some of us would like to have that opportunity to deal with that because there's not that many roles. Like he's been amazingly successful.

And I love that he takes roles that aren't written for dwarves. And they never address it. And they never address it. When he hosted SNL, they never made one dwarf joke. Really? Which I found out from some friends that were cast members that that was one of the rules. He came in and said, no, no dwarf jokes. So I'm saying, Lauren, if you're listening, I can host.

You'll make all the dwarf jokes you want. Let fly.

I'd be like, but it would be funny.

I completely agree.

So cool. That would have been great. And if you want to, you know, make it a little more woke. OK, great. Make different gender dwarves, make dwarves of different races.

Give people more opportunities. I'm all for that. But I'm not for just being like, nah, let's because there's not that many roles in it. And if you look throughout the history of Hollywood. The game is usually the same. The game is whatever race you are, whatever minority you are, you start getting roles by taking the stereotypical roles. And then you slowly assimilate yourself.

I mean, he's in Elf saying, call me Elf one more fucking time. And he does the drop kick.

And he's in the most offensive movie ever made about dwarves, which you know about. Oh, Twinkle? Tiptoes. Tiptoes!

He is in this movie! And he has an accent that starts off French, goes to Hungarian. I'm not quite sure what the accent is. But he's in this fucking movie. So the fact that you were in the most offensive... By the way, I'm sure your listeners are tired of you talking about this movie. I could do a whole... It's been a few years. I could do a class on this film. I think we talked about it a lot.

So the movie Tiptoes, it's streaming right now on Amazon Prime and it's the most offensive movie to dwarves because Gary Oldman plays a dwarf. Now when you say, how'd they get Gary Oldman to play a dwarf? Did they use some advanced CGI like Lord of the Rings? Nope! On his knees and they tied his arms back. They put shoes on his knees. Gary Oldman.

The preview looks like an SNL sketch.

Shut up. It's the best. So that's Matthew McConaughey and Kate Beckinsale. Blowjob joke. Good.

Hey, welcome, I'm Steven.

Yes. The greatest fight scene since Robert De Niro beat up that one guy as a 78-year-old.

It's insane. It's horrific. And if you keep going, the joke you made earlier is they go through the cast and then they go, and in the role of a lifetime, Gary Oldman plays a dwarf. Which, by the way, they put so many little people in the movie that... it makes Gary Oldman's performance look worse because it's like, oh, well, that's what an actual dwarf looks like.

That's real. The fucking balls of the VO guy to call that role of a lifetime. You shot that movie? Yes. God, I love Bert. You shot that movie?

Yeah, so that's what's out there. And Dinklage took a role in that because that's what you do.

Yes. Like the same way with stand up. We've now earned the right to like when someone says, hey, do you want to do a bar show? I could get you free chicken wings.

So, yeah, you have to earn that. So I would have loved to have played a dwarf in the Snow White film. Although now that I've seen what happened, I'm like, maybe I dodged a bullet there. How do you feel about LP porn? Oh, yeah. Good. Yeah. Do you watch a lot of it? No. Do you ever look at it? No. Because if I want to see a dwarf porn, I fuck my wife next to a mirror and look left. That's what I do.

Nah. Never. That wasn't your thing. I didn't watch the dwarf porn, but when I was a single guy, I'm really glad it was some people's thing. Yeah. That helped me out a lot. Did it? Yeah. You guys were talking about fetishes before I got on here. Thank God some people have a dwarf fetish. Oh, yeah. That got me through my 20s.

Yeah, and when someone has a fetish and they see an opportunity to engage in the fetish, like if the fetish is rare, they are very determined. Oh, wow. So when a woman would come... Because if a woman came up to you after the show, there's like a, hey, maybe, will they, won't they, whatever. But...

I had a little bit of good luck Chuck syndrome for a while. So that references a wonderful Dane Cook movie where Dane's character, when he hooks up with a woman, the next guy the woman hooks up with, she marries. That was me for a while. I've got over 15...

I like that you get insulted by it.

Don't get me wrong. I'm firmly... I get it. I would be a bottom. I totally understand that. You think so? My ass is spectacular. Yeah. It's not an ass. It's a shitter. It's a good ass. I've noticed. Yeah. We all have. I mean, come on. So I would probably be a bottom if I were gay. And I'm sorry I'm not gay because, man, I'd be cleaning up.

Me too. Sometimes you just think about it. You're like, yeah, I got the genetic win being a dwarf.

That's right. Give it up for the men, everybody.

I don't want them.

It is nice. Thankfully, I have a wife who does that a lot. And it feels really great. It feels really good. And sometimes you just got to hear, hey, good job. Sometimes when you come home with a check, especially for the job that we do that we never thought that we'd get to where we are, we want to come home with a check and be like, hey, look at this. And they go, wow, look at that.

That's awesome. That's pretty great. That's all we need. Occasional blowjob. But yeah, overall, just, yeah, pretty great.

I get treated so much better in the office. Yeah, my daughter loves my wife.

Can I tell the story about the last time we hung out? Of course you can.

Last time we hung out, I was here in Austin and saw that you were going to be at the mothership. So I go, yeah, let's go see Christina at the mothership. So we go and there's a little extra security there and making sure who I am and checking an ID and everything like that. I'm like, what's going on here? And I get to the green room, and there's a guy sitting outside the green room.

He goes, who are you? I'm like, Brad Williams. I go, who are you to see? He goes, Christina P. He goes, hold on. Goes into the room. Comes back out. All right, you're good. All right. Okay, Christina's really doing well. Okay, this is great. And then I walk into the green room, and there is Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner.

And they were... In the green room back there. That was such a cool night. That was insane.

No matter what you think about the politics, Ivanka is stunning. Stunning. And every answer is a beauty queen answer. Yes. Where it's like, you've been trained. Oh, my God. This is unreal.

Media training. She's perfect.

Ivanka is the nickname it says there. Ivana Marie Ivanka. Oh, so we're both right.

Wait, lion or lioness? Lion. Lion. Yeah, I agree. Tiger.

Lionesses are the ones that do the hunting. Now, if it's a lioness, I give her the edge. But a lion, he's just. Oh, I would still give it to the tiger.

AI puts down spaces on porn models. Why are we not doing this all the time? It's a whole thing. This is what we should be doing with AI.

You haven't done this much research for anything.

Fiction or nonfiction? Where is the book listed? Exactly. Yeah, there you go.

Call Ron McGill from Zoo Miami.

Yeah. Ron McGill, Zoo Miami. He's amazing. He knows everything? He could absolutely tell you this. Is he a big cat expert? He's an animal expert. He's the head zoologist at Zoo Miami.

Are you rich enough to make this happen? Yeah. To just have a tiger fight a lion? Yes. Can't you just do this? You guys are buying NASCARs for each other. You can't buy a fucking lion? Maybe it's something to look into. As pets.

Why is there a Tiger King and not a Tom King? I do have a connection to somebody in the Middle East that might be able to make this happen.

I mean, they did like the UFC did fight Island or whatever to get around the COVID restrictions. That's what you could do. You and Bert buy an Island. Yeah. You know, Poroso's Island. Sure.

Oh, is this the... I hate this segment. Is this the influencers?

That's hilarious just because it's like, what did you think was going to happen? Stupid. Yeah, I like that.

But also, even with however far you jump, the water doesn't go from the shore to 30 feet deep. No, of course.

I like the person that gasped the second he left or where they went.

They're like, oh, no.

Yeah. And then I. And here's the beautiful part about modern modern society. No one's running. No one's going to go. They're just keep filming.

When the shit goes on around you, keep filming.

He's in real pain. That scream should replace the Wilhelm scream. Yeah. Do you know what the Wilhelm scream is? The Wilhelm scream, just play it and then play the Wilhelm scream and you'll instantly recognize it.

It's the scream from every movie ever. That's this guy. That's that guy. There you go. Oh, yeah. That's the scream from every movie ever. Whenever anyone falls, that's the scream they use.

That's why I tell jokes. Yeah. I don't want to be in a forklift where someone can't see me and all of a sudden I'm impaled by a forklift. Really rough. Which, by the way, goes to a premise that I am working on, which is I'm not afraid to die, but I'm just sad that I won't be able to read the tweets the next day. Yeah.

because however i die is going to be funny yeah i have yet to figure out a way that i would die i know because even if it's like a slow disease there's still going to be jokes yeah oh come on yeah if it's a quick accident there's gonna be tons of jokes definitely like you don't think that if like a forklift impaled me there's not going to be dwarf kebab jokes oh yeah and you've heard them all like you've got them all on deck

Yes. So that's why if I do get a heckler and someone yells out something basic, like just like they yell out like Oompa Loompa. It's like, you think I haven't heard that shit? Of course. I've got comebacks, bro.

Like it's not going to go well for you. I was just helping you out, bro. You've heard that since you were born. Yes. All right.

Oh, the climbing gyms.

That guy's going to go up. And he's not strapped on.

Are we at 30 feet right now? He's going to explode into dust. There he goes. Yep. Oh, shit.

Oh, there'd be way too many lawsuits.

We got foam pits and everything like that. Dude. This is like in Estonia or something. Yeah, that's... I mean, to the guy's credit, he tried to, like, spread out and do what you're supposed to do and, like, hit as much of your body on the ground as possible.

They got the clips. Get it? I use all the safety precautions. Now that I got a kid, helmet, wrist guards. And that's just to walk down the street. I got the whole thing.

Well, now that I know that he lived, I can enjoy it a little more.

How are his lungs not flying through the back of his body? That's insane, bro.

Oh, the truck's going to tip. That's hot asphalt. Whoa. A guy flew out of the truck. Wow. Multiple air cartwheels. That was. Yeah. I mean.

The Russian judge gave it a four.

Yes. Like. With a seatbelt.

I don't even know how that happens. It makes me wonder if, like, as the truck's tipping over, if he's like, let me unbuckle my seatbelt so I can get out. Yeah.

Oh, easy. Yeah. Once again, no way that's not funny if that's how I go. Oh, yeah. Flying dwarf, make a wish. Yeah, how did Brad die? Look, check out this video.

It's pretty funny. Like, yeah, you thought your injury went viral. Yeah, I know. I mean, if I had your injury, but on a little tykes hoop. That would be. Just slip and. Aw.

It's going to be epic, no matter how I die.

Like on his head. that's just i don't like this sounds hypocritical coming from me because i live with two pit bulls that could definitely kill me uh but yeah why would you why you see we find all these guys yeah they're usually eastern european or middle eastern yeah they have pet lions tigers mountain lions jaguars yeah something goes wrong you need to get the gun Best case scenario.

Because you would? Yeah. Because that's a fucking tiger. It's really crazy. I mean, I'm scared of like a small bird picking me up.

That guy's never moved faster in his life. Nope.

The fat slap in the ground is very funny. Yeah. It's always a good sound. Yeah, just get out of the pool.

Yeah. See, that's not a prank to me.

That's not a, hey, April Fool's.

I let my tiger into the pool with you. Fuck that. No.

That's not small. I know small. You're not small, Skylar.

Don't you want to know how to modify it so that you can do it for your adult baby fetish? I think replacement teats are playing Coachella this year.

If someone could find out, look at the lineup.

Now, here's a question that... After you send your hate mail to Christine, could you tell me, adult baby people, are you mad you're not a midget? Oh, wow.

Like, are you mad? Like, aren't you looking at me going like, if only I could have been a dwarf, then I don't have to.

God willing. Also, you save so much money, you just have a normal pack and play. You don't have to modify the crib at all.

You're fine. Everything just fits you. You can still fit in the Oshkosh stuff.

I mean, like I said, I got a dumper on me, so it'd be a big one. It's a big die-die. Yeah, it's a big one. But isn't that the life? If you're a dwarf, but you also have a baby play fetish, then you got dealt the cards you wanted. World is your oyster.

Right now.

Hiding all the dick.

I love how the details of the date that she described I found so incredibly boring. Like what I ate, how we talked. I'm like, hey, if we're in this thing, get to the sex part. Let me get my dick out. Get to the sex part. Talk about that.

I just don't want to hear about the details of you blowing this guy. I have friends that are in open relationships and the ones that are, the ones that work. Everyone is getting laid at about the same rate. The ones that don't work are the ones where, hey, we're in an open relationship. And one's getting laid. And one's getting laid. That's a good point. And the other is not.

Yeah. If there's that. Imbalance there?

Yeah. You guys get laid equally?

Awesome. Awesome. That's good.

As long as y'all are keeping your numbers up at about the same rate, then you're good. Then we're good.

And I didn't want to hear.

The hands are just like. She's like this story. This is a story about open relationships and I'm bored. How bad at storytelling do you have to be about open relationships? And I'm bored to tears. Yeah, let's fucking boo.

Yes.

A love surge?

Yeah. Like his parents are like, God damn it. Can you imagine being his parents and then you're at a cocktail party and then someone goes like, hey, so how's Danny doing? And you're just like, um.

dead he's dead or another parent like you see this fucking dork it's your kid like that's our son yeah and then like this is what i like about your podcast i like i like many things about your podcast thank you but one thing about the podcast that i really enjoy is you guys are bringing shame back thanks man and i really appreciate that because we need shame again too many people are just like no this is me this is who i am i can do whatever and don't be yourself

No. There's certain times, certain parts about yourself. Everyone's trying to live their authentic life. Keep some of that shit in.

Like, you know, stuff happens in the news, and you have thoughts that might not be aligning. You could just not tweet it.

You don't have to do the Instagram video going like, you know, these crisis actors, or whatever the heck your thing is. Israel-Palestine. Yeah, yeah. Also... I've had a friend say, Brad, you haven't posted about Israel-Palestine. Don't care. I... I'm going to stop them from fighting. Yeah. They've been fighting for thousands of years, but I'm going to make one tweet and they're like, hold on.

Yeah.

Also, I don't know. I don't know. We're equipped. I don't have the knowledge and I don't really trust the news to give me the right information.

That's insane. I mean, you have access to Ted Cruz, so in that way. In that way. Maybe you can influence some policy. Jesus. I can't be true. Okay. Not all of us. Yeah.

Yeah, that's true. I hate videos like this. I hate videos like this that tell you what you think. You've been on the plane and you've had a thin person be like, these seats are too small and you've nodded in agreement. But no, no, I haven't. That's never happened. Also, no one's going to look at me and say these seats are too small. Because I'm going to be like, what are you talking about?

This is great. Duplex. I am all right.

And as someone who frequently gets denied to do certain activities, There's a lot of activities I just don't get to do. Yeah. Yeah. And that's just the reality of it. It's just how the world works, right?

Yeah.

There's a video. Maybe you guys can find it. It came across my Instagram recently about there's either a restaurant or a theme park where it's like the thinner you are, the more of a discount you get. That's awesome. They have these doors. It's like, all right, if you can fit through this door, then you get 10% off, but this door, 20% off. It's amazing. It encourages you to be thinner. Is that it?

It's probably in Korea. Yeah. Yes. Yes.

Oh, she's not getting through the 100%.

But she's getting 50. She got 50. That's pretty good. Good girl.

And by the way, I'm not saying this to be like, oh, you can't feel it. Because I get it. Weight is hard. But it's like, we're doing this for your health. It's not healthy to be that size.

There's just some things that not everyone gets to do.

You go to Hungary, you don't eat like that. I did my first European tour last year and went to places like Copenhagen and Norway, and I was just looking around like, there's no fat people.

And then you read the menu, it's all fish, it's all vegetables and stuff like that. You're like, oh, okay. Didn't see one Waffle House. No.

Death by Dwarf hot sauce.

How hot is it? There's one that's a ghost pepper that's a 10 out of 10. Wow. And I tried it for a video that I'm going to be posting soon. Amazing. And it was not fun. But the other ones were really good. Mango habanero is my favorite. So just go to bradwilliamscomedy.com. There's a link, Death by Dwarf Hot Sauce. There it is.

Holy shit, dude. Made of freaking hot sauce. And they're actual bottles. They're not like the little mini Tabasco ones, although we tried. Dude, that's awesome. You got to send us some.

I will absolutely send you guys some Death by Dwarf Hot Sauce. So rad. Yeah. Please. Yeah. There's a lot of hot sauce collectors out there. You might have the Offspring Hot Sauce or the Lemmy Hot Sauce. Get a little... Good old death by dwarf hot sauce. It's good stuff. Amazing.