Brittany Broski
Appearances
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
I asked him to pull up one of those, like, infographic charts on the wall. I'm like, could you just point to where, on my body, where it would be? Okay, I get it now. I get it now. Thank you. And so he comes in. He goes, that's option one. Option two, the surgeon is going to come in in a little bit. And like most surgeons do, he's going to tell you you need surgery.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
I would hear him out because it's a lot worse than I initially thought. And I'm like, okay. The surgeon comes in and he's immediately like, we need to do this tomorrow. He said, it is super inflamed. There is a blockage and I cannot put you on a plane in good conscience. He goes, I understand. You know, I know this is scary.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
You probably want to do this in America, but I really recommend you do it here. I'm like, okay. So I'm on the phone with my dad back in the States. My mom is there with me. I've talked to both the doctor, the surgeon, and I call my American doctor and I'm like, here's the status. Here's what they're telling me. What do you recommend?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
Because I'm so ripped and muscled that it just snapped. It's never that. It's, she had her gallbladder out. What the fuck? Goofy ass surgery is that? I'm humiliated. Unserious ass surgery, bro. Except it was very serious. It was actually kind of like really super scary. Okay, let's talk about it, I guess. So, um, you may be wondering, I got here. Rewind the clock two weeks. I'm in Rome, Italy.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
Because ultimately, you know, you listen to everyone's advice, but you have to weigh it all. And it's your decision ultimately. And that's what Dr. Carlos said. He was like, it's your choice. It's your body. You do what you think is best. I called my American doctor and he goes, you really need to do it there. And I go, okay, that's the decision, I guess.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
And so the next morning, early, like 7.30 a.m., the surgeon and Dr. Carlo come in and they're like, well, what do you think? What have you decided? And I go, let's do it. Let's do it here. Girl, I was, that was probably, what, 7.38? I was under anesthesia by 12.45. It was immediate.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
And it's such a blessing because as I was running around doing all the tests, like the CT scan and whatever, the hospital was packed. It was packed. Not an open seat in the waiting room. And so what was... It just feels... This whole experience felt so like... Okay, it was at the tail end of my vacation. It was... at a quiet day in the hospital and they were able to operate immediately.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
Like all of these things lined up. I feel so fortunate and so blessed that it was just like, this is happening now. It's happening now. They take me in, they do it laparoscopically. So right now I have about five wounds on my stomach where laparoscopic surgery, by the way, is a marvel of modern medicine. I mean, I am one to marvel in awe of human innovation always. And this is one of those things.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
It's literally robot surgery. They did surgery on a grape. They did surgery on Brittany Broski. They did robot surgery on Brittany Broski. It was crazy. I was watching these videos, not on me, because, hey, I'm going to vomit. I was watching these animated videos of what a laparoscopic gallbladder removal surgery looks like. It might as well have been magic. It looked like magic.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
It is amazing what they can do. By the way, this was only like first properly characterized and described in like 1934. So this has been around less than 100 years that this was even a problem point that they know how to fix. So whatever. They do the surgery. Everything goes fine. They do anesthesia via IV. Hey, what the fuck? There's nothing scarier. There's nothing scarier.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
One minute I'm awake, next minute, dead. Dead in the fucking water. Girl, the next thing I know, I woke up. And it was immediate. My teeth are... I don't know what it is. I started looking up all these symptoms of, you know, coming out of anesthesia and it can last for weeks after you go under general anesthesia where all these side effects can happen. And mine was teeth chattering.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
They put a breathing tube down my throat, which is so scary. And I was coughing. Because I imagined them, like, ripping it out of my throat really fast. That's how it felt. Like, my fucking head lolled back when they pulled it down. I was coughing so bad. And then I started to cry just because, of course I did. And one of the sweet Italian nurses, old woman, she goes, don't cry. Don't cry.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
And I was like, yeah, lady, I didn't want to. I'm humiliated. I'm trying. She goes, don't cry, not cry. And I was like, yeah, you're so right. And so I bossed up, stopped crying, but I was shivering so bad and I wasn't cold. I don't know what it was. And so they put a space blanket on me under my hospital blanket and then they wheeled me back into my room and my mom got it on video.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
I immediately in my hospital bed, I said, ciao, in front of all these lovely Italian people, ciao. making fun of their language. What the fuck? Me off the perk 30 anesthesia. And so we, they will be back in and Dr. Carlo is in the corner and he's watching me and he's like, okay, all good. And I give him a thumbs up and then he comes over and he goes, you made the absolute right decision.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
And I was kind of out of it still, but my mom caught it. And he goes, if this would have been 24 hours later, would have been a much different story. And I was kind of still out of it. And I was like, okay, good. Like that relief came over me of like, that needed to happen. I'm glad that I made that decision. Well, later that day, one of the surgeons, his name was Dr. Papa Luigi. Shout out.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
Or wait, Luigi Papa. Dr. Luigi Papa. Dr. Papa comes in and he was like, oh girl, gutted, rotted, like truly necrosis. Like it was so much worse than we thought. They pulled it out and they told me that truly, like if I would have gotten on that plane, if I would have been like, just pump me full of antibiotics, put me on the plane, my gallbladder probably would have burst midair.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
Hey, that's terrifying. It would have ruptured, which is so scary because then bile goes everywhere and then you're dealing with sepsis and infection. It was just horrible. So thank God I decided to have it done there. And then I was in the hospital for two more days after that because they were administering me antibiotics via the IV. I had this drainage tube out of my gut. What the fuck?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
By the way, I literally got back last night. So this is hot off the motherfucking press for y'all. Okay, so I'm on a family vacation. All goes well, we start in Paris and we take the Orient Express from Paris to Verona, Italy. One of the most magical experiences ever. It is an overnight train and you literally wake up in the Swiss Alps. Like it is just, it's psychotic.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
Then one of the nurses came in and I go, pee-pee. She goes, and holds her finger up to me, leaves the room, comes back with a bedpan, and I'm not joking, a doggy piss pad. Put the piss pad on the bedpan, told me to lift my butt up, and I had peed on the pad.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
Every time after that, I'd have to use the bathroom. I had to get up out of the hospital bed with these fresh stitches and take my little drainage sack and hold it. It was so embarrassing. And it's also just frustrating, like not being mobile, you know, like not being able to move how you usually do. It was just like, I was getting so frustrated.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
And so they eventually removed my tube, my sack tube. And I didn't feel any pain after the surgery, which is such a miracle. It was just antibiotics they were giving me and I couldn't eat normal. They fed me like bread and the most bland chicken soup you've ever, ever one could imagine. Just to make sure, they did that just to make sure that, you know, things were going smoothly.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
I wasn't nauseous. It wasn't putting too much strain on that newly formed, you know, track that my digestive system has to go through now. It's now double hard on my liver, which kind of sucks because no alcohol for a month, no fatty foods probably ever because my body just can't handle it. So it's, yeah, it's stuff like that that... You know, you think it won't happen to you until it does.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
And it's very scary. And I'm so thankful that I had my mom there. And the doctors were amazing. There was a nurse named Ilaria. Shout out, Ilaria. She used to live in Ireland. That's my queen. All the nurses were so kind and so attentive. And the room was private. I had a balcony. I mean, it was just... When socialized medicine works.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
So they discharged us from the hospital on Wednesday morning, and I wasn't cleared to fly until Sunday. So I literally got back yesterday, last night at like 8 p.m., and I had a post-op appointment today where they did my... blood work and whatever, and I'm fine. Everything is fine. It's just I'm exhausted, obviously, from jet lag and from having a surgery.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
Whippin' that bitch like a rental. I'm draggin' my nuts, got my dick out the dirt.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
I have to give myself these weird, which I guess is normal after any surgery, these weird anti-blood coagulant shots, and they're self-administered, and I hate doing it. But I don't want blood clots, bro. So I have to do that. But honestly, guys, to make a long fucking story short, I am minus one gallbladder plus one Harry Styles cover release. Okay.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
So with that, let's go ahead and transition to talking about the music. Thank you so much. This episode is sponsored by Hungry Root. When it comes to grocery shopping and meal planning, I've got a problem. I've got a super restrictive diet that makes grocery shopping miserable. But that all changed thanks to Hungry Root. It's the easiest way to eat healthy.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
It's something that was a real bonding experience for me and my whole family. It was so neat and... It's such a unique preservation that they've done of these train cars. I mean, from the 20s and 30s, they've restored them to their original artisan craftsmanship. And the original, it's like the grandsons of the guys who made the cars or the ones who serviced them. It's spectacular, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
This episode is sponsored by Tinder. Guys, let's talk about what makes someone instantly more attractive. Hobbies, passions, interests. Did you know that 80% of women find having a hobby sexy? Like having a passion for something. Imagine that! And there's a scale of hot hobbies, by the way. Woodworking? Hot. Beekeeping? Hot.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
But if your whole personality is crypto, the judges are going to need to see a little bit more variation from you, okay? Show us something else before you show us your portfolio. But here's what's fascinating. Pottery and plant parents are having a moment. Something about someone who can nurture things and create with their hands. And don't forget, your bio is prime real estate.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
Instead of just listing hobbies, make them conversation starters. Looking for someone to try my experimental pasta. Hits a little different than I like cooking. And when you match, your hobbies are literally the perfect conversation starter. Trust me, talking about something you're passionate about is way more interesting than, hey.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
Tinder is perfect for showing off who you are through your interests. It's not just about looks. It's about finding someone who vibes with your hobby. Explore all the possibilities for yourself. Tinder. It starts with a swipe. Download the app today. Okay, so if you missed it, I had gone ahead and released a sort of cover of Adore You by Harry Styles, reimagined with the Broski special on it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
Okay. This has been in the works, and by this I mean a much larger project, has been in the works for... I'm not joking, five years. It's been, damn, it's been five years from when this process started to finding the sound, honing the sound, and perfecting, not perfecting, but I guess mastering the craft of not blowing your voice out when you sing, how to get into the mindset of writing and
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
co-producing and being an active participant in this creative process because of course because it's it's my project it's me but it's such a creative collaboration every step of the way and it's so much fucking fun it's so much fun like I talk a lot of fucking bullshit on this podcast about everything
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
But like one thing that I hope rings true is my passion for the arts and my passion for music and how everything and every fiber of my being is informed by that passion for music. It's something I feel in my soul. It's something that's in the very bones of people that get it. You know what I mean? And...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
From everything I've talked about of being raised in the church and all of my inspirations and the sonic universe that I exist in in my mind that I wanted to, you know, breathe life into this project, it's happened and it's here and it's so exciting, truly. It's so overwhelmingly exciting. And also nerve wracking, right?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
Not to nerd out, but like, wow. Dining cars, bar cars, it was amazing, okay? We get off the train in Verona. Walk around for a little bit. Shout out Verona, Italy, which has the, and I might be wrong, second largest Roman amphitheater ever found besides the Colosseum, okay? Amphitheater meaning two theaters. Amphi meaning two, right? Like amphibian.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
Because you share something that intimate with an audience and you're subjecting yourself to criticism and commentary. And I'm not worried about that. I have my fair share of opinions on music and I urge people to listen and develop their own opinions. That's what it's there for. But at the same time, it's there for me. You know what I mean?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
I talk about this all the time of art is for the artist as much as it is for an audience. for the voyeur as much as the creator. And this to me was the process of even creating this Harry Styles cover. And of course it was a Harry Styles cover. It had to be a Harry Styles cover.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
Harry Styles and One Direction is quite genuinely one of the pillars of who I am, why I am the way I am, my friendships, the connections I've made, both professional and personal, who I am on a personal social level. Treat People With Kindness was my first ever tattoo. Like there are so many reasons why this had to be a Harry Styles song.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
And not only that, but it was also to show as a proof of concept, look what is going on up here. You know what I mean? Like, the lyrics to Adore You are devastating if you think about it like that. Just like the lyrics to You Are My Sunshine are devastating if you think about it like that. And I knew that I wanted to flip it and make it this, you know... whimsical, ethereal rock song. And...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
We did it and shout out Scott Hoying. Holy fuck. Because he completely rearranged it with me and we just brought a new life to it. And it's so exciting because here's this song that was top of the charts. Everyone knows it. Everyone knows the words and it's totally different. And it has a different meaning now too. That is what it makes my penis rock hard.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
So this whole process, plus the visuals, oh my fucking God, Paige, Sarah, my creative director, Elizabeth Youngling, my love, all of the people who worked on this project with me, The best is yet to come. Truly the best is yet to come. And this was just the fucking smorgasbord, the aperitivo of what's to come. It had to be a cover. It had to be Harry. And I just knew that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
And I'm so happy with the release. I'm so shocked. by the outpouring of love that y'all have... I mean, it's... I am blown away. I did not think it was going to be like that. I thought I was going to release it and people were going to do the, another fucking TikToker making me... Yeah, you think I haven't gone through that fucking conversation with myself? You bitch!
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
I fully understand the optics on this, okay? And I saw someone comment and I damn near cried. Someone commented... under a video where someone said, not everyone needs to make music. Someone commented, why? And it's such a good question! You would not look at someone who's trying to paint or someone who's trying to learn how to fucking hopscotch and say, no, there's too many. We don't need you.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
That's not how art works. It's not how life works. Like truly anyone, anyone can buy a fucking microphone or use their iPhone microphone and make a song. Dochi is a living example of that. Dochi is such an inspiration. It's like that I knew that was going to be a part of the conversation because of who I am and my background and how I came up on the internet. Completely fine.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
So, second largest Roman amphitheater ever found. Really, really neat. They do, like, opera concerts there now. We walked around the city in literally an hour and a half. This episode is going to have some severe Roman Empire undertones, by the way. It's fresh on the mind. I also started reading Song of Achilles. Okay, I'll get back to my gallbladder in a second.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
But when that's used as a weapon as to why someone shouldn't make art or someone shouldn't express themselves through art, what are you even talking about? It sounds stupid as fuck because it's not hurting you. If it annoys you, okay, don't listen to it. Sorry. It's not for you. You know what I mean? Art isn't for everyone. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
Guys! Guess who they let back in the United Mother-Tucking States of America? Me!
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
Started reading the Song of Achilles. What the fuck? We'll get there, okay? But the Roman Empire weaves its way into this story, so mind you. We get out in Verona, really cute town, old as fuck. Every city in Italy is old as fuck. They're like, and this building was built, when can I remember? 1200 AD. What the fuck are you talking about? That's not real. made up year.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
So then we take a commuter train from Verona to Rome. We have a beautiful time in Rome. It rains the whole time, but it honestly was super aesthetic, super ambient, okay? do a walking tour of Colosseum, of the Roman Forum, of all these magnificent places. I've been to Rome before, probably 10 years ago.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
This was, to see it through like adult eyes and as an appreciator of history and someone who sees history as not only a direct informer of how we behave today, but of like what could have been. Oh, it was just, it was psychotic. Me and my brother were geeking, tweaking out. We do all that, whatever. It's the final day. We're supposed to leave for the airport at five, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
And fixate. It all kind of started back when I read The Secret History years ago because it's based on a group of classic students. And it's based around Bacchus and the Bacchanal. Bacchanal. where it's basically like a big pleasure orgy in many senses of the word, and everything spirals out of control from there. And it's just very interesting because it's all in... All of these authors, right?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
When you talk about someone like a Donna Tartt or a Pierce Brown or even, you know, Madeline... Who wrote Song of Achilles? Madeline Miller. These people are clearly... fanatics of the classics of Greek mythology and are well-researched. And Pierce Brown, I mean, he loves the Roman Empire almost to a degree that is, you know, you're a freaking nerd! You're a nerd!
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
But it makes for great world building. And I really, really admire that, where you are writing a fiction about or in this case, a sort of retelling of a very popular story from the perspective of an academic. So interesting. I love it. I think it's a great way to resell these stories to a new generation and to keep them alive. Because, damn, there's a reason they're still around.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
You know what I mean? There's a reason people just cannot get enough. The gods were tea. The gods were tea. That's probably why. They were fucking. Capital F. Fucking their brothers, their sisters, their mothers, their everyone. They were drinking wine and fucking and afterwards they would have an olive. Yeah, I'm interested. You're gonna look at me and tell me you're not interested?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
That you wouldn't partake? Anyway. Yeah, that is, it's been my latest thing, okay? And in that vein, because I was just in Rome for way longer than originally intended, I had some time to sort of marinate in it, okay? I was in it. I was all up in there. My God. I mean, I could just talk for hours of all the stuff that I learned.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
This is on Saturday morning. We're supposed to leave 5 a.m. Well, around 1 a.m., my tummy starts to rumble, okay? And not only does my tummy start to rumble, my mouth starts to water. And I said, oh, fuck. I know what this is. So I'm nauseous. I go and puke in the bathroom. And it does not stop.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
We did this tour of the Colosseum and of, like I said, the Roman Forum, the Circus Maximus, all of these places that are still standing today. I'd been to the Pantheon before. I'd been to these places, but to see it now and marvel at it for different reasons, you know, you, I remember 10 years ago, I was 18. My initial sort of wow was that it's still there.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
Right, that's the initial reaction is, holy shit, this is from, the Colosseum was finished in 80 AD, 8-0 AD, and it's still around. That is something in and of itself to marvel at. The next thing is that they were able to build it, and not only able to build it, but with better materials than we use today.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
You can see where they've done repairs on the Colosseum to either make it look more presentable, make it look whole,
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
Or just to repair damage that tourists have done And even the building materials that they use and their repairs do not hold up They don't hold up against weather the way that the Roman materials still do That shit makes me just And so if you've ever wondered why the Colosseum looks like that It's because people recycled the marble
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
when they were building new buildings, no one gave a fuck about the Coliseum after the empire fell and they used the marble, they repurposed it. And so they would go up there and just destroy it. And they'd take down the marble pieces and there are holes all in it because inside of any of the arches or the columns or the seating was iron that they would use.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
And they would, it would be a sort of indent or a groove in the flat, marble, and they would pour hot iron into it, and it would go down into a little hole, and it would bind it. And so when it cooled and solidified, everything was held together. It's amazing. It's
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
People were not impressed with these buildings anymore, or rather, these buildings were negative reminders of what life under an empire was or under a certain ruler. Also, the reason it was called the Colosseum is because there was a giant statue of Nero right outside of it that they called Colosso, Colosseo, okay? And then the building right next to it became referred to as the Colosseum.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
Now, that statue was taken down, I'm sure melted down, and again repurposed. But why does the Coliseum look like that? That is not its original design. The way that it slants off to the side, the other half of it is missing. It used to be one giant building, similar to how the amphitheater in Verona looks. You can put all that up here.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
And it's incredible to think that entire structure used to be covered in the whitest, purest marble polished, shown gold statues, bronze statues in each of the openings above the seats. There were clear and still are clear markings above each of the entryways that corresponded to your ticket, where you would sit, where your entrance was. And of course, it was stratified.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
The emperor had his box and then all of the nobles or
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
or well-to-do sat in sort of the 100 section the 200 section was uh you know servant men and then the higher up is slaves women and children so it's just incredible that this shit still stands and what they were able to do and it makes me i did a lot of reflecting on the roman empire while i was in rome because what else is there to do and i came to this conclusion that's kind of like
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
And usually when I have food poisoning, I have given it to myself by eating, I don't know, rice or pasta that's been left out or, you know, eating at some unsavory places. Because I, at the core of my being, want to be Anthony Bourdain. And so I get real adventurous with food. My tummy can't handle it, girl. My tummy's like, no, no, no, no! And then I spew from both ends.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
You know, when I think of the Roman Empire, I think what a tragic waste of potential. That's what I think. I think it was a waste of what could have been the closest thing we could have had to a utopia. But if you said when could the go, yes, but would. When you, when, when. Shut up!
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
I think about the Roman Empire as what could have been a beautiful society, but instead was the very definition of empire. It was a horrible tragedy and it was succumb or die. And when you, I mean, look at this image of what the Roman Empire covered at one point in time. Do you see this? All of the red is the Roman Empire. This goes all the way up
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
from the UK, from what is that, Wales, all the way down to the Nile, all the way down. I mean, it's incredible. It is incredible what they were able to do, but it's so devastating because to what end, right? To what end? where you make the emperor a god, where all of these people are forced to succumb and become Roman citizens and these Roman structures pop up, for what?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
Like when you lose beauty and individual culture and customs and dress and religion and all of the things that make humanity human, when it all just becomes homogenized, What a loss.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
Even if you're providing them with benefits like aqueducts, bathhouses, entertainment, food, all of these things, you know, you get all the benefits of the innovation of the Roman Empire, but they're built with slavery. And that's not, it's just, I could write a paper on it of like the epic tragedy of the Roman Empire. And I failed to see how it was ever going to succeed, right?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
so much to think about. Anyway, I think that that mixed with, when you think about even then, Roman mythology is stolen directly from Greek mythology, and they just changed the names and warped the stories and made it fit. I mean, what's new about that? Taking a religion or a
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
ideology and warping it to fit your political propaganda okay it's not new we haven't not heard of that but it's just it's like to what end that's my question to what end anyway to be able to go to where the circus maximus used to be like the chariot racing and where the the marble uh uh, seating was.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
And in the Colosseum, you can actually see they have a little mock-up in one section where marble remains of what, uh, you know, if you imagine that all the way around the amphitheater, what it used to look like. There is a huge spider in the corner of the room, and I'm trying really hard not to actually piss my pants right now.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
Oh, I gotta let y'all know one last thing that I've really been addicted to lately. It's charcuterie nachos. Oh my god, I can't get enough of them motherfuckers. That motherfucking thing! Low-fat salt and vinegar chips. Pepperoni. Now, this is my dairy-free, low-fat, you know, bullshit, because I can't eat like an old human!
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
All that to say, I know what food poisoning feels like. I know what it sounds like in my body. I'm well acquainted with it. This was different, okay? I start puking and it does not stop. And immediately after puking, this intense pain in my upper abdomen starts. And it's something I have never experienced in my life.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
Salt and vinegar, baked Lay's, salami, turkey breast, turkey, like deli meat. banana peppers, olives, crushed up salted pistachios, and to finish it all off, fresh dill and a drizzle of hot honey. Go ahead and make that in your kitchen tonight and tell me that's not the most delicious bullshit you've ever had in your fucking life. I was blown away, okay? It's my latest obsession.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
Now, I'm gonna see y'all next week. Because I feel like I talked for about 35 minutes about my gallbladder and I feel real sorry about that, to be honest. Thank you for listening to the music. If you want some merch, go to broski.shop. Get you a muumuu, get you a t-shirt. Probably more to come soon, by the way. So keep your eyes peeled on that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
I love and appreciate y'all more than you will ever know, okay? You listen to me ramble about the Roman Empire. You listen to me ramble about Frederick Atkinson. And you listened to me ramble about Call of Duty masked men, okay? And by the way, don't even get me fucking started on Pedro Pascal and this Last of Us campaign that he's doing. I don't want to talk about it. Don't ask me about it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
I don't want to talk about it. It's too much. New Royal Court episode's coming out very soon. Keep your eyes peeled. There's some fun ones coming up. I will see y'all next week. Goodbye.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
I mean, it felt... When they say knives in your stomach, when they say writhing in pain... There is not a better descriptor. There's not a more apt description than what that experience was. Nothing would relieve it. I couldn't lay flat. I couldn't use my abdominal muscles to get up. It was horrible. I couldn't lay on my side.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
After a while of getting up and down, up and down, the nausea wouldn't stop. My mom, bless her, she stayed behind. Because I was like, I'm not making it on that plane, girl. So my dad, brother, and sister went home. And my mom stayed behind and got me some Italian version of gas ex. I was popping that. I think it's called geffer. They call that shit geffer. I was huffing the geffer.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
Oh, my God. So much has happened in the last, what, not even 14 days. I guess it has been 14 days. Oh, my sweet Lord. Y'all need to strap in for what I'm about to lay on you, okay? Have mercy. Okay, let's start with you're looking at a woman that is one less organ than now I was two weeks ago. Okay, what the fuck? You always hear, oh, she had her gallbladder out.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
I'm a geffer queen, okay? I took it like you drink it, you mix it with water and it helped with the nausea, but the pain would not go away. I was doing Tylenol. Thank God I always traveled with Tylenol and ibuprofen.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
It was the only thing that could like, it still hurt, but I could like drift off to sleep a little bit until the Tylenol would wear off and then I would be brought back to the suffering reality of my abdominal pain. After a while where I was like, this is not normal. It's been 24 hours. It's not going away. The pain then spread to under my right rib cage and it got hard to breathe.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
And that's when I started to freak the fuck out. I don't smoke weed. I don't smoke cigarettes. I don't do anything that involves my lungs because there is nothing scarier to me. Like very genuinely, nothing is scarier than not being able to breathe, not being able to take a full breath, not being able to meter your breathing. And so when I couldn't do that, I was like, Absolutely fucking not.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
I called my doctor back in America and luckily with the time difference, they were up and the hospital answered and they were like, here's what I recommend. He said, describe exactly where the pain is. I was like, you know, it's right under my right rib cage and it's piercing, stabbing pain. I cannot lay. I cannot do anything. I can't even take a full breath.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
He goes, okay, that sounds like your gallbladder. And I said, what the hell is that? Of course, I've heard of a gallbladder before, but not in my body. Not on me. He was like, sounds like either your gallbladder or your pancreas. Because I had WebMD'd myself down a hole and I had diagnosed myself as having pancreatic cancer, of course. And so he was like, sounds like your gallbladder.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
I said, you sure, doc? It sounds like pancreatic cancer to me. He said, no, it's probably your gallbladder. And he was like, okay, here's what I would recommend. You need to go to an English-speaking hospital nearby, and you really need to get this checked out. And I was like, hospital? Bro, what the fuck? This can't wait until I'm back in the States. Fast forward. No, it could not wait.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
So what I actually was about to experience was acute cholecystitis. Acute cholecystitis. an inflammation of the gallbladder, typically caused by a gallstone blocking the cystic duct. So here's what I've come to learn about gallbladders. I'm super versed in it now. Gallstones develop on their own and they can be unproblematic until they are.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
What happened in my gallbladder, so the gallbladder produces bile and bile sits in your stomach and helps digest the food that you eat. My gallbladder had been blocked. Okay. That's what was causing the sharp pain. And not only was there a blockage, it was perforated. The walls were super thick. It was inflamed. And necrosis had set in. Oh, okay. What the fuck are you talking about?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
All of that happened. We made the decision to go to the hospital because I was like, this pain, it is unimaginable. We went in. I described all my symptoms to the doctor, the Italian doctor. God bless. The name of the hospital I went to, and I'm about to say everyone by name because they were so fantastic. This hospital was fantastic. I mean, truly, how scary is it to be in a foreign country?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
You don't speak the language. And now you're being told you have to undergo a surgery. This hospital was so lovely to me. In the grand scheme of things, I was like go-time decision mode when it came time to, you know, have this conversation with the doctors. But like, Grant's gave me things. God, it was terrifying. But I wasn't really terrified in the moment. So I go into the doctor.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
And he's like, you know, what's wrong? We just went to the ER. And I was like, food poisoning. I gave myself food poisoning. You know, we had sushi. I had tuna. Like, it was raw. I don't know, whatever. He goes... What is wrong? And I was like, oh, food poisoning. He goes, no, no, no, no. Tell me what is wrong. And I said, okay. So you have a good point. I said, I have abdominal pain.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
I've been vomiting, but no diarrhea. Sorry to get super graphic. Do y'all care about me or not? No diarrhea. And he said, that's a telltale sign that it's not food poisoning. Because it would be evacuating the premises at all costs if it was food poisoning. This is actually going to be something completely different. And so he goes, okay, lay down and I'm going to do an abdominal exam.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
So I lay down off the Tylenol, off the PERC-30, Tylenol 500 milligram. And for the first time ever, I could lay flat because I was on so much Tylenol. I'm overstimulated. I'm overstimulated right now, by the way. There's a screech in my throat. I got scritches in my throat. The lawn guys are doing that out there. It's hot in here. My water's lukewarm. There's a lot going on.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
I feel really actually overstimulated as fuck right now. But I'm going to power through. And so he tells me to lay down and then he does an abdominal exam. And when he pushed on my gallbladder, oh my fucking God, I wanted to scream. And he goes, We're going to have you do an ultrasound. And I'm not joking. When we showed up to this hospital, no one was there. No one.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
She had her pancreatic removal surgery. It went great. Who the fuck is that ever about? Because you think it's not going to be you. You know what I mean? Oh, it's now about me. Gallbladder surgery? Goofy ass surgery. What the fuck? I couldn't even have a cool one? Oh, I tore my, I tore my nabiscous. I tore my... I tore my hibiscus muscle during bar method because I was going so hard.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
There was one other person in the waiting room, and it was an old guy with his wife. We were seen immediately. It was the doctor and then nurses who took all my vitals and did whatever. I was in an ultrasound within two hours, maybe an hour and a half. And she did the ultrasound, and sure enough, on the monitor, you can see little gallstones. Oh, okay.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
And so she goes, this looks like inflammation of the gallbladder. We're going to send you to have a CT scan. what the fuck, bitch? I've never been a sickly person, okay? I've never had to do the in and out of hospitals, doing this, doing all these scans and whatever. I've never had to do it. Thank God. I mean, I've been so lucky.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
And to me, that's always been like, you know, oh, you hit 55 and you start doing all that stuff. This was very scary. As like a 27-year-old relatively healthy person, like I really take care of myself, at least I try to. This was like, bitch, what the? So, Did the CT scan. And what? They don't tell you about a CT scan. It was all IV. It was all intravenous.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
They put this solvent or whatever through the IV. And she goes, bless her, because she spoke broken English. She was speaking Italian. She goes, going to be hot. And I said, oh, just like the temperature in the room? Okay, it's no worries. I can sweat. I sweat all the time. She puts that shit in my, oh my God. It was the weirdest feeling. So did the IV.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
puts me in the CT scan where it's over, you know, it's circling around you. When that shit, when it, the machine mixed with whatever the fuck was in my veins, it burned. It was hot. I literally, I felt like such a puss because she warned me going to be hot. I go, ow, ow, like a baby, right? And then from the fucking mic speaker in the room, she goes, are you all right? And I said, yeah.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
Humiliating. But they do that, I guess, so it illuminates the veins and you can see the inflammation. I don't know. Regardless, got out of the CT scan and they were like, yeah, it's bad. They show all these images to the doctor. We wait around. They decide to admit me. And they start administering antibiotics. I'm thinking, oh, okay, it's just inflamed. Give me some antibiotics.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
I'll probably be here overnight. They'll release me tomorrow. We can leave the next day. Well, girl, later that night, the doctor comes in. The same one, God bless him, Dr. Carlo... Dr. Carlo Consani. By the way, this hospital was UPMC Salvatore Mundi International Hospital in Rome. Spectacular, fantastic care. And shout out Dr. Carlo because he, for real, was like...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
Tell me what is wrong, not you diagnosing yourself. You know, like I want to see it all laid out so I can properly diagnose. And he did. He came in and he was like, here's the deal. Gallbladder super inflamed. The walls are super thick. You have a blockage. Now we have two options. We can keep you here for four or five days. Five days. Just pup you full of antibiotics.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
88: Left My Gallbladder in Italy
And you can have the surgery when you're back in America. And I go, okay, hold on one second. The surgery? What do you mean? Like to remove the gallstone? He said, no, no, no. To remove your gallbladder. And I say, all right. Could you just go ahead and point one more time to where that is on my body? Because I'm not really understanding.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Just how I've always thought that it's fucked up that there's a King James version of the Bible. Who was James? There's a Jimmy? There's a Mr. Beast version of the Bible? The Mr. Beast Bible? No, bro. Some of them are like, they're fine to play with outside the package, just be careful, don't eat it. Okay, what about if I put it in my mouth? I'm not eating it, I'm just sucking on it a little bit.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
It's a waffle, you mean you don't want me to suck on it? Grow up. What sort of meat, what sort of vegetables would this dragon be ingesting after a long day of patrolling, flying around, you know, raising their young?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
So what was on the land? People. They was eating people. Very interesting. And do we have any sort of understanding or theory, leading theory that these dragons were ever tamed by people?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Y'all, can you bow your heads in prayer with me really quick? Dear Heavenly Father, I want to thank you for gathering all of us together. With our eyes shut and heads bowed in prayer, I'd like to thank you for freeing me of the shackles of this Irishman. Lord, I thank you for looking over me, keeping your hand on my shoulder when it comes to the Irish. The Irish are devil people.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
They're devilish folk. They are not to be trusted. Lord, I thank you for keeping your hand on me, over me, watching me. You led me out of the darkness and into the light. Amen. Church, amen. Lord, I thank you so much for guiding me, guiding me away from the island of Ireland. I was so close. I was, now I'm just doing Trump. I was so close, so close. Okay.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
So we're letting the children, the youth of tomorrow, play this game? We're fucked.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
If you can hear me sing. Did you do it? Okay. I am clinically delusional. I am clinically crazy. I think that we've sort of established that point.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Stanley Tucci, this is my formal invitation for you to come to my house. come to my kitchen, watch me cook Hamburger Helper, watch me cook the simplest of meals, and I wanna sit down and I wanna watch you eat it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
I'm gonna cook it, I'm gonna plate it just right, I'm gonna grab it with the tongs and like, you know, how they do it, and then I'm gonna garnish it with a fucking leaf of basil, and I'm gonna scoot it across the table to you on one of those rich people plates that's ceramic with the little lip on the end, where it looks almost like a bowl, but it's a plate.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
I'm gonna scoot it across the table to you. I'm gonna flip my chef's towel on my shoulder and I'm gonna sit here and make eye contact with you as you eat it. And I'm not gonna tell him that it's hamburger helper. I'm gonna say, here we have a lovely pasta dish.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
This is a pasta dish made with free-range organic turkey, turkey meat that I have so beautifully and lovingly chopped with my own hands, chopped, minced with garlic, basil, right, some various herbs. thrown this into a pot together with a sort of cream base. Cream base with a little bit of natural cheese. Whipped that up, bring it to a boiling point, let it simmer, let it solidify.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
I've taken this and I've plated it on a beautiful signature Italian ceramic plate. And here it is still warm. We've warmed the plate in the oven for you. Please be careful in touching it. Here is a fork. Please let us know how you enjoy it. and I want him to sit there and I want his ass to lie and be like, mm, mm. A free range organic turkey, you said, mm.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Wow, no, I can taste it, I can taste it, yeah, mm-hmm. Oh, that is just delicious. You said this is a family recipe? Yes, yes it is a family recipe. Yes it is, thank you.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Fuck me, dude. I'm also gonna tell you right now, what am I sippin' on? We're sippin', listen to that. Yeah! I will not be crazy this time. You will not make me crazy. When you start to think, hmm, maybe men are... Extremely loud, incorrect buzzer.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
That was actually like exhibit A of intrusive thought winning. Kamala, we were supposed to leave 15 minutes ago. Get your ass in that car. We've got to go. We don't have time to stop at Cane's anymore. I told you if you wanna stop at Cane's, we gotta leave 15 minutes early. That line is damn long. Get in the, well, we don't have time. Oh, I don't give a shit that you're hungry.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Hopefully they have Reese's Pieces at the town hall.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
You're so welcome. I won't even charge you for it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
You can get up. And you know what's a catch-22 that makes me want to kill myself? Men don't like funny women, okay? Because men hate women. Cause men like men. Like I said, I'm feeling dirty. I smell like BO and my hair's a little greasy. So just sort of, sort of walk with me there. Okay. Christ would walk next to you and carry you when it gets too tough. I need y'all to carry me. Okay.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Y'all are Christ in this situation. Bible study begins now. Bro Ski Nation Bible study. Bro Ski Nation Bible study. Santa's involvement in Christmas Day. As we all know, he was there, he was in the manger, he had the little elves in the manger, they were sort of running the guest list.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
So when the wise men and the donkeys, the asses, if you will, were all in that manger after they were at the Holiday Inn and Joseph and Mary were like, please look at my wife, she's like about to pop. And the Holiday Inn employee was like, okay, sir, can I see some ID? And he was like, I don't have an ID. And they were like, well, have you stayed with us before?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
And Mary was like, oh, I've been here before. And Joseph was like, really? When were you here? She was like, oh, about nine months ago. And the receptionist is like, The Holiday Inn, Jerusalem, Bethlehem receptionist was like, I see what's going on here. Joseph's like, Mary, I've never put my card down here. I've never even been to this Holiday Inn. I've never even been here on vacation.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
What the fuck were you doing here? And Mary was like, it was a work trip, you know, exactly nine months ago. And of course she was about to pop that night. My testicles and my balls are hanging out the bottom of my toga. I'm not fighting in the fighting pits. I am preaching on a marble stone staircase, okay? When was the last time you played? Have you played with your friends?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Have you played, like, I was about to say played with yourself? Don't. Don't do that. Well, I mean, just don't do it around me. There's mold growing in my fucking frontal cortex. And there's this fun little charm on it. Guys, you can put it on your carry-ons. You can put it to go. You can, I don't know, hang it over your bed like a baby cradle and play with it like a cat toy.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Introducing the guillotine into the Brusque Nation sort of military industrial complex as a form of punishment and torture that is accepted by the government, government being me, okay? We are now going to implement, first of all, by Celine Dion gets played as you're being, your penis is being jorked and chopped by the guillotine, okay? It's actually gonna be a law change.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
There's so many things you could do. Get out of the pool. That's literally mother nature to us. And we're like, I want to go four miles underwater. And then we do it and we come up and we're... There's nitrogen in my blood, there's nitrogen under my skin, there's bubbles under my skin. Mother Nature's like, told you.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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She said, quit crying, I'll give you a reason to cry. And then she spanked me. She hit me on my breeches. Sorry, was that a screenshot of my home on Zillow? And you go, what's up? No, no, it was like a funny Capco edit of like, oh, it seems like you wanna go on a date. No, no, no, yeah, I got that, it was funny.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
I just, was that a picture of my, I mean, it's not even my house, it's my parents' house. Was my parents' house on there? No, no, no, my finger must have slipped. I'm house hunting right now? Yeah, I'm house hunting right now. I must have accidentally included it, yeah. Okay, right, right.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
No, and I knew you were moving, but I just saw, you know, like I grew up in that house, so I would recognize it. I'm just kind of wondering like why it was in the edit, you know, just asking. And then that is when I block him, okay? You're asking too many fucking questions. What are you, the police? What are you, the fucking police? Get out of my asshole.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
We had this whole back and forth about like, first date ideas, I tie you to the railroad tracks and leave you there. And then he was like, that's a good one. First date idea, I, what did he say? I buy a gun and I shoot you. And I said, ooh, first date idea, we get in sensory deprivation tanks and drown each other. And he was like, ooh, that's good, that's good.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Imagine having direct access to me, bitch. If I wasn't me and I was a young gentleman with a peener and I could talk to a woman like me, imagine not responding. Imagine being like, oh, she texted me, I'll get to it later. I could not imagine that. Oh my sweet Lord. I do think as an adult, like an oral chew toy would be really, really nice. Why don't babies get to have all the fun?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Babies get to gum the shit out of those teething toys. I wanna teethe. What if I'm teething? Don't look at her, she's teething. I hate getting dinner with Brittany, she teeths before she eats. Teething is a treatment for binge eating disorder. Oh, I gotta chew on my microplastics. Dude, teething? Teething as a 26 year old, sorry, sorry, I'm teething.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
No, it's okay, it's okay, not a lot of people understand it. Yes, it's part of my condition. What's your condition? My gums. What's wrong with your gums? Well, I just have to chew on stuff sometimes. Why?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Now we're down a fucking rabbit hole. Bear with me. I'll get out of this in a second. The frontal lobe. All right. The forebrain. The foreskin of the brain.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
And I do wonder, because Noel talked about this on the TMG podcast, if the human brain is actually the consistency of whipped butter, warm whipped butter, what would it taste like if it were to be, I don't know, salted, seasoned with a little lemon pepper and smeared on a piece of toast? The frontal lobe,
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
the brain foreskin is for personality and emotions, higher thinking skills like problem solving and controlling movement. The temporal lobe, sitting right under that, sort of like the taint ball sack lobe, helps process your hearing and other senses and helps with language and reading. So the ball sack helps you read. The parietal lobe, that's gonna be the sort of crown, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
The crown tip of the forebrain penis.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Oh, Napoleon. Wow. He would have loved that chalky taste of Tums. Have y'all seen that freaky ass kinky letter that he sent to Josephine, his woman, where he said, I return in three days. Do not wash.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
When your penis is getting jorked, do you moan? He makes me really laugh, like genuinely laugh. Oh, what the fuck? Oh God!
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Oh my God, please don't wash. We'll arrive in three days. That is crazy. Even historians do agree that Napoleon didn't mean that Josephine shouldn't do the laundry. Freaky ass motherfucker.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Or actually, that's a real man.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Broski Nation is expanding into space. Yes! Thank you. Thank you, guys. This has been years. Seriously, guys, stop. Thank you so much. You know, a lot of Broski Nation members are very, very educated, and some of you are not, and that's okay, because that's what this podcast is for. I'm here to help, okay? Let's consult the oracle, Google.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
And I remember we had to write our own little macabre poems, and my teacher gave me a B. Okay, you don't know you're dealing with an actual published Wattpad author, bitch. That's like giving Ulysses a fucking C+. That's like telling Mary Shelley, Frankenstein's okay. You're crazy.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
I wrote Allure, the vampire Harry Styles fan fiction, the much loved, number one on Wattpad, Harry Styles vampire fan fiction, Allure, and you're gonna look at me and give me a B? That's like spitting in the face of Christ. You mother fucker! You know, sometimes I zoom out of what I'm doing and I realize the people who comment, I don't like her, she's annoying, I get it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Where is Santa allowed to fly? What air zones? Is he allowed in certain air spaces, like above Canada, above the United States? Will we shoot him down? And does he have security clearance to sort of be over the DC area? A lot of things don't really make sense. Santa Tracker, Nord Santa Tracker, What, do we have a microchip, dude? Do we have a fucking satellite on him?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
I have so many questions, okay? Oh my God, I didn't even tell you. So my plan is to move in next to a, oh yeah, this movie, hold on, go back. It is so fucking hard living in my brain for 30 minutes. Imagine trying to speak for an hour straight. What the fuck am I talking about? I had that moment about 36 different times filming one of these. What the fuck am I talking about?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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What the fuck was I talking about?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
My very educated mother just served us. Okay, now see, they fucking changed this bullshit because they are rewriting history in front of us, sheeple. Wake up, sheeple. They said Pluto is not a planet. They rewrote history. The moon and the sun are like having a domestic spat. I really don't know what's going on. You astrology bitches, you have got to explain it to me.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Because it's Mercury retrograde, but that shit happens like 17 times a year. I don't know. I don't know about Mercury, okay? Mercury has to do some really intensive therapy. And I don't just mean therapy. I mean like cognitive behavioral therapy. We gotta get Mercury like in PT, okay? We gotta get Mercury in one of those pools where old people are like in pools.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Man, some really intensive mental and physical therapy is needed because what the fuck is going on? I went to the pretty girl convention and you were not invited. I went to the pretty girl convention and you got denied access, bro. They did not let me in at the door. They said I didn't have the right credentials at the door, please. Can you text your manager to let us in, bro, please?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
That is so nasty, that is so wretched and vile. See, what the hell is this? Do mermaids exist? Scientists begin tests on a 300-year-old what? Mummified body to uncover the mystery. That's what I'm talking about. Oh, look at her, she's gorgeous. And she's in a skim strapless bra. Oh, look at her, she is beautiful. She's in a skims.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
I had a ticket, but they took it. Back to Red Bull. Goddamn, can I fucking read? Shit. Like, stay focused. Goddamn. Like I'm, I know y'all are pissed off as the viewers. I'm fucking annoyed. Can you, I've got like 18,000 tabs open. I'm fucking tweaking. I'm playing with my stem tour over here. I'm like, oh, the Red Bull can, the Red Bull can. Shut the fuck up. What am I?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
I don't even know what I was going to talk about today. God damn. And so I was talking to all team green talent, which of course you and Mitchell. and all the rest of the Team Green cast. And at the beginning, they had me and Teffy sort of banter back and forth, just, you know, ah, some rivalry, like, yeah, team, my team's better than yours, no, and then me and Teffy start kissing.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
That sort of thing. And in it, I said something like, well, we have the largest dragon, okay, because his name, and I said his, I said, and his name is Vhagar. Well, girl, they posted that clip, okay? And the Game of Thrones, dorks came for me because Vhagar is a woman, okay? And because of course the biggest, baddest, scariest dragon in the land is a woman.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
In the moment I got nervous and I said he, okay? I had misgendered Vhagar to the general populace. And I'd like to come on camera and apologize for doing that, because I did not mean to do that, okay? And from the bottom of my heart, I did not mean to misgender Vhagar, okay? I'm not seeing any lip action. I wasn't checking out the genitalia on the CGI dragon.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
And for that, can't apologize enough, okay? So, all that being said, I checked the comments under that video, and people were like, telling me to kill myself.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Dork! You know what I mean? Like, I love this shit so much, but like, dork! Sometimes you just gotta do that. You just gotta call people online dorks. And that's okay. Again, I apologize, I apologize, I misgendered the dragon. But you're a freaking dork for pointing it out, okay? I'm normal. And anyone who says otherwise is a fucking liar and a hater.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Come on, one more time, I'm gonna flash that badge. I'm gonna flash this badge. Don't look at it too deep. Badge, don't look at it too closely, okay? You wanna know something? We did a production of Annie in middle school. I didn't even get cast. I applied, I didn't even get cast. I got cut. Like everyone was in it. I got cut. Fuck you, bitches. And in high school theater, I did Spamalot.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
I did The Addams Family. They always made me cross dress or dress up as some old woman. We did Bus Stop for a one-act play. The fucking director made me be an old woman. In The Addams Family, I was the grandmother. In Spamalot, I was a knight. I was actually four different knights. I had the most costume changes of anyone in the fucking play because they had me play four different men. Girl.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Right? This feels so natural in my hand. Now, let one more Irishman fuck on me, nuke. Nukes! Bomb them!
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Your hands are so dainty and frail. Please put down the mug. You don't have to wash it. And I say, guys, guys, let me do this. I've always thought I have my father's hands because guess what I do? These are the hands of a blue collar man. Okay? My hands look like this, so hers can look like this. But it's just that chicken foot with the painted nails.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
It's a chicken foot with three talons and red painted nails. My hands look like my father's, so hers can look like that. And I'm going to show up in a nun costume and levitate above the crowd. I'm going to show up and be performing exorcisms for free. We go to the premiere and we do the carpet and it's just one roaming photographer on the carpet.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Oh my God, Kamala, you did not tell me you were passing through here. What are you doing? You are crazy. Well, no, I can't talk. No, I would love to. No, don't stop the car. Okay, stop the car. No, I'm headed to Santa Monica. Yeah, I'm doing, you know, Brooke. Yes, yes. And her point, yes. So that actually comes out tomorrow. I'm the first episode. Oh, Kamala, you are too sweet.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Cause they're waiting for the principal talent to get there. They don't give a fuck about influencers because why would you? I don't either. Do you know what I mean? But I was invited and I was like, I'll be my mom. And so we went, it was really fun. And we walked the carpet.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
He said, here, what's the name? And my publicist was like, Britney Broski. And he goes, okay. Takes one, count them, one photo. Thank you.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
I was like, oh, thank you, sir. Sir, thank you. No, thank you. Because I've been on some carpets where it's, baby, over here, over here, over here. You know what I mean? Like House of the Dragon, that sort of thing. It's like, because you're the host and you're important for some of these carpets. It's like, what's your fucking name? All right, move on. Next! Like moving cattle.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
They were tagging cattle on this carpet. I was heifer number four. Oh my God, I'm like shaking. I'm tweaking right now. I had like four cups of coffee. Hey guys, today I'm going to get my hemorrhoid cream from CVS. These men, these men are wrapped around my finger. They want me so bad. I saw a comment on the post that I put up on Instagram that was like, oh my God, they all wanted you so bad.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
I was like, it's like swatting away flies. It's like swatting away flies. Guys, stop. I'm working. Guys, seriously, I'm working right now. If you could just like keep the flirty, keep the flirtiness to a bare minimum, okay? To a skeletal minimum. My brain is just an empty, my skull has cobwebs inside of it and it's just this small little gooey, like shriveled brain.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
It's like, because of all the red 40. It's dyed red completely. It's completely red. My brain is red and shriveled like a raisin.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
and it's got mosquito bites on it i am not usually i'm about to lie i'm not one to objectify men hey yeah the fuck i am hey that's this entire book look me i'm not one to objectify men okay hey i'm lying i looked at this man and i said this must be what it feels like when a teen This must be what it feels like when a teenage boy, like, opens a Playboy magazine for the first time.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Like, opens it and does boing, boing, boing. Like, their jaw hits the floor and, like, their tongue rolls out onto the floor, like, across the carpet. That's how I felt, dude. Like, me drifting across the room with heart eyes and my tongue on the floor, like, towards a pie on the windowsill. That's how I felt. I looked at this far door. And I just about fell out.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
And so that's this video that someone recorded from the Q&A. She uploaded it and I saw it and I was like, that is so, because you know when I'm answering the questions, I don't think about what do I look like. And I watched this video and I saw my own reaction and I was like, yeah, that's accurate. Yeah, and I'd do it again. That's real. Ugh. They just don't see.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
KK, we like to call her KK. KKH. Kamala Kardashian, if you will. We like to call her that too. I said, Kamala, you are so sweet. No, please, I have to go. I really can't stay another minute. I have got to hit the road. Yeah, y'all were blocking traffic. Y'all were crazy over there. Okay, besitos. Bye, KK. Can we be serious for one minute? I need everyone at their battle stations.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Y'all are dorks. Y'all are freaking dweebs. Y'all are dorks. And I love it. And I went on this date and I went to a guy's house and I was like, can I go to the bathroom. Where's your bathroom? He was like, yeah, it's over there. And I was like, thanks. He was making me a drink in the living room and I went in the bathroom.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
He had one of those like college dorm shower curtains that was too short for the shower. Uh, no liner. So it's like molded moldy toilet, beard hairs all over the sink, toothpaste splash on the mirror, no soap, uh, pubes on the sink as well. And no towel and no hot water. And I go, So I literally like, I hover peed, ran my hands in the water and I go, I got to go actually.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
And he was like, what the fuck? What do you mean? And I literally was like, it's nice to meet you. Bye. And I walked out and he like walked out and followed me to my car. And he was like, I was like, no, I just forgot. I had to be somewhere. It was really nice to meet you. Because at a certain point, what the fuck are you? Have some self. Stand up. Stand up, bitch.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
I had, I looked at myself in the mirror and said, stand. You just hover peed at a man's house. Because you didn't want to get his pubes on the back of your thighs! Oh, if I was a man and I didn't have to give a shit about, imagine how free, oh God, how free they must feel. Be like, yeah, I got this hot bitch in my place. Yeah, you can use the bathroom. When she's in the bathroom, like, oh God.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
She's having a full-blown identity crisis in the bathroom because she's at your place because she agreed to come over. That was literally me. That's happened to me twice. I was like, oh God. And I always fall for it too, because at least after college, like at that point in my life, I was like, I'm just looking for a conversation that isn't going to make me want to die.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
And so any witty man who could hold a semblance of a conversation with me, I was like, he's the one. And so he'd be like, you didn't come back to my, yeah, let's go back to your place. Oh, there's roaches on the floor. I have to go. I have to go. Oh my God. The clock struck midnight. I have to go, midnight? The clock struck midnight. I have to go, the clock struck midnight.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
So, that's happened to me a few times and it will never happen to me again. I'll be honest, I didn't finish the Bible. It's on my DNF. It's on my do not finish. Okay? Did not finish the Bible. Lost interest. No enemies to lovers, okay? Adam and Eve, never make up.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
If the camera zoomed into my head really quick and like did one of those blasted through all my arteries and shit, you would see cogs spinning and you'd see little like people working on a railroad in my mind. Like the shit's on fire and like they're revolting and like tearing down monuments. Like that's all going on in my brain. Alimony and child support, bitch. What about our children?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
What about young Seamus? What about young Seamus O'Flanagan? You're not thinking about our boy. You're not thinking about our boy. I marry an Irishman and start speaking in an Irish accent. Not how it works.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
His father used to work the field. Penelope's better than me because I would have been like, Colin, get the fuck away from me. May I interrupt for a dance? No, bitch, that's my husband. Where is the Hubble Space Telescope? This is just me Googling. Where is the Hubble? Have y'all ever been to see it? It's actually in space.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Okay, so if you've been to see the Hubble Space Telescope, let's talk after, because what are you doing up in space? God, that's my Cassian, literally.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Oh God, I'm knocking shit over. When I start to get, oh, that bead of sweat drips down my back and I start just, I lose control of my hands, my phalanges, my appendages. They go off to the manger, the squad pulls up, the wise men, all of the asses and the horses and the king's men. I honestly don't know if Jack and Jill made it that night.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
And I don't think that Rumpelstiltskin was alive at the time. So I'm just trying to remember everyone who was in the major at the time. Of course, we know that the wise men brought Frankenstein and Murr. Of course, we know that the wise men brought Frankenstein and Murr Okay. The wise men showed up with some gifts, with some baby shower gifts for the inevitable birth of baby Jesus, of course.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Tender and mild Dunkin' Honey barbecue. They showed up and they were like, we brought you a nice dip tea candle. It's Frankenstein scented. And we brought you some Merp gifts. They went to Spencer's beforehand, the gag shop. They went to Hot Topic and Spencer's. They got Jesus some truck nuts. They got Jesus.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
They got Jesus one of those glasses that looks like, it looks like the 3D movie glasses, but it's got the little chain that dangles down and it's got a mustache on it. Merp. Now the worst drink I ever had in my life, that is gonna be Everclear and Gatorade. And I went to a frat party at A&M and they said, punch. Punch? Everclear? Everclear is like rubbing alcohol, worse.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Everclear is like jet fuel. That shit is lighter fluid. And you mixed it in a big, dirty Gatorade cooler with Gatorade, and there's flies floating on top, and you're talking about punch. Yeah, I had three cups. And yeah, it's the drunkest I've ever been to date. That shit was awful. Awful. Because I didn't know how much you're supposed to drink. I was 19. It was the first time I was drinking.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
I didn't drink in high school. Okay? And you couldn't go to the bars. And so when a scary white man says, here's a free drink. Hey, guess what? I had three. Never again in my fucking life. We all have to learn. We all have to learn and trust and believe I learned my lesson. I will never ever clear. Oh my God. I'm going to fucking gag thinking about it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Anyway, that was, I was so drunk, I was in front of the toilet that night talking about mommy. I called my mom and left her a voice message and called her mommy.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
That's insane. I can vote, mommy.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
oh god the drunker i get the more my accent comes out apparently but also that was in between me mocking him of course i have to mock british people when i'm around them so no i'm talking like this i'm not giving a green t-shirt darling darling hello mate we're free more we're free more green t-shirts thank you so i'm yelling at the bartender i'm yelling at him i'm yelling at this guy i'm uh are you more oh
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
stupid i'm talking to him i'm flirting with him all night this dude okay i don't remember his name i wish i did i'm flirting with him all night we're at the bar he's like touching my knee he's like he's he's into it he won't he wants a piece of the broski he wanted a piece of the bosky okay he wanted a bite of bosky And guess what? The diner was open that night.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
I could have slayed as a brain-dead housewife. I would have worn one of those little, the big butt dresses, and I would have had one of those fancy little fascinator hats, and I would have had just mercury, lead in my mouth, just oozing, drooling all over my chest. And I would have been wet off to some fat, ugly man, but he would have been rich. And I would have gossiped with my girls.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Maybe, looking for an adventure partner.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
What are you fucking Robin Hood? Oh, thank God I fired my therapist. She is not gonna be watching all this. Okay, back to the Goonies big monster. I start calling in literally every two days. I'm like, oh, my grandma's sick. Oh, I had food poisoning. Oh, my car broke down. It was something new every day. I was trying to get creative.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
And then my manager would be like, two more of these and you're fired.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Oh, I'll go work at Outback Steakhouse, bitch, and I'll make more money there. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. I hate you. You're going to get fired. Oh, good. Please, Donald Trump, if you can hear me, please fire me. Please fire me. Can't drink alcohol, but I can fight for my country.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
I would have ate sweets. Just sweet as sugar. The Coca-Cola had cocaine in it, dude. I would have been living high and mighty. Take me back. Take me back to 1893. I really would have slayed. Like it really would have been a moment. Would I have smelled like puss? Yeah. Would I have smelled like puss?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Wait, where are you going? Oh, it's me, I smell like puss? Oh, sorry. Stop talking, shut the fuck up. Execution by horses. Tying each of the victim's limbs to a different horse and then driving the horses in four different directions. You know that that ASMR was crazy. Damn, King Edward had some crazy ASMR. Sorry, execution by hanging.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Hanging the victim, disemboweling them while they're still alive, and then beheading and dismembering them.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Quarter, oh, oh! Quarter, oh! Literally means cutting the person's body into four parts or quarters. Oh! Right. I'm done yelling. That's annoying.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Zooby, zooby, zoo. I'm cleaning my ass crack. Zooby, zooby, zoo. Dandruff it under my nails. Zooby, zooby, zoo. Oh, a new ingrown hair.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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The first murder of the Broski Report. We come to you live tonight to report the sudden and gruesome murder of a bug that flew towards my face, and now its carcass is forever gonna be on that desk, because I'm not gonna clean that up. I do not miss corporate America, but the tea we would get sometimes, girl, I miss having coworkers. I will say that. My coworkers and I, we were like this.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Damn, we were like this because that's trauma bonding, bitch. Say, oh, one more time. Like, can you speak? Speak normal. Speak like an educated adult. When you, uh, can I, uh, like when you, uh. Easter is when the bunny, everyone knows the bunny, of course, the Christ bunny, knocked on the tomb three times. Okay, he said, he said, knock, knock, knock.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Jesus opened the door and he said, we're not doing Girl Scout cookies right now, okay? I'm not interested in buying them. It's Girl Scout cookie season. Please, like, I'm trying to rest. We're doing the, you know, like three days of eternal rest. And then he became the Messiah, okay? Now, when the bunny knocked on the tombstone door, that is when the peeps came out, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Jesus kind of rolled the tomb away. He rolled the big rock. The peeps came out, okay? And then... when Jesus was like, please don't bother me. Like seriously, I said, leave the door dash in front of the tombstone, okay? I can't do like hand-to-hand contact right now. Like I'm doing strictly no contact. Like it's a whole thing, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
It's a whole process between me and my heavenly father, but also I'm the heavenly father, okay? Now this is Jesus talking. And so the bunny was there with the door dash and the peeps ran out and he was like, well, what the fuck am I supposed to? And so Jesus slammed the tomb shut and the bunny was like, oh my God, what am I supposed to do with all these chocolate eggs?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Okay, the peeps are on the floor. He scoops them up and he goes, This is something, okay? This is something that we can work with here. What if, and then of course he starts, he's kind of like looking up at the sun, maybe he goes to sit down on like a log stump and he's holding the peeps, he's holding the little chickens and he's like, what if these old fuckers were made of marshmallow?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
And then everyone around him was like, what is a marshmallow? He's like, yeah, marshmallow. Marshmallow, isn't marshmallow made up of like horse bones? If you rendered the perfect human face, like through AI, I know I'm just about really close to that, guys. Seriously, it is me. I'm a real human. I have flaws. It's hard to think of one right now, but I will get back to you on that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
We will loop back, sort of circle back, bumping this up in the inbox. No pressure, absolutely no pressure, but I do need this addressed by EOD, end of day, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Direct from the Broski Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California, this is the Broski Report with your host, Brittany Broski.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Doesn't matter. That will not stop me. I don't care. Oh, my God. Tumblr rotted my brain in ways that I'm still trying to figure out.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
The last hundred pages, my asshole was clenched. I was . If I was casting a live action movie about my life, it would be Nicolas Cage to play me. He would be in drag. Robert Grew, also known as the Bald Terror, that's what they call me as well. Oh my God, of course painters. If I was a painter way back when, I would have painted that. Look at the way that that moves.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Me like, look at the way the light hits this Amazon Roman packaging. I really understand painters. I could have painted. Hey, the Red Bull just kicked in. Here's what's going on. I'm talking about the Hubble telescope, okay? And I've got a question because you obviously have spent an excessive amount of time in the air. You probably know some things about the atmosphere and how it works. The...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Telescope is on the space station, about 300 miles above Earth's surface. My question is, if there was a mushroom cloud, if there was an atomic bomb, if there was like a nuclear explosion, how far up do those usually go and could you see it from the telescope? And would something like that affect the technology of the telescope?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
I say this all the time, I don't know how to like something normal. I don't know how to do that. Yeah, I have a screenshot of your parents' home address. What am I, I'm supposed to not? I'm supposed to not know everything about you, dude? I'm supposed to not Google your fucking grandma's name? Found your grandfather's obituary. Lust, check. Gluttony, check. Greed, check. Sloth, check.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Wrath, yeah, wrath, check. Envy, yeah, check. Pride, check. We're seven for seven, team. All right, what'd you guys get on the seven deadly sins test? Did you guys pass? You have to have five or above to still be allowed in Broski Nation. Broski Nation.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
At some point, I'm going to relocate outside of a popular Air Force base, and I am going to, yoo-hoo, yoo-hoo, in my little Marilyn Monroe white dress, no undies. No undies, okay? No undies, maybe some Spanx, maybe some 3XL Spanx underneath, but no undies. And I'm gonna yoo-hoo right outside where they check your ID. And I'm gonna say, where are the boys? Where are the young servicemen?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Hey, one, two, three, eyes on me. Thank you. Silent Coyote. This is Power Hour with Brittany Broski on the Broski Report. Tonight at 10, experts claim lymphatic drainage is the key to a youthful glow. We have an expert here, Dr. Broski, tonight to teach us a bit about it. More at 10, someone was accepted into Shiz University, but our nepotism claims at hand. More to come tonight.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
I just need a German girl. And they'll be like, ma'am, you have got, there are like military vehicles coming through here. You need to get out of the way. Also, why don't you have underwear on? Why are you barefoot? Okay. Yoo-hoo! My handkerchief is shit-stained. Yoo-hoo! They're like, ma'am, you've got, you are in the way. Please.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
I'm dodging in between those little, like, the arms that come down to block the, they'll have the arm come down, they'll check your military ID, and then they'll let you on. Yoo-hoo, I jump it, I'm running. I go straight for the barracks. I go straight for the dorms, okay? Yoo-hoo, young gentleman! Does anybody want me?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
They tackle me to the ground. My skirt comes up. No, no, my spanks! My tan spanks. no no don't make me go back and then a young gentleman comes out of the barracks stop stop that's my wife she escaped are you oh shit they're outside yeah hello uh-huh oh shit they're outside yep they have guns uh-huh and ammo oh there's a bomb
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
78: Broski Report Wrapped: 2024
Okay. Oh, so they're mad. Okay. Yeah. No. And I'll see you over dinner tonight too. Okay. Could you just like disarm the bomb? Okay. Love you. Okay. Love you. Bye. Sorry. That was Sam Hartman. That's what Remy's whispering in my ear. Kill them. Kill them. Burn them. And I say, shh. Who was Merriam-Webster?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
They had to go with a scope down my throat, go grab it, cut open my bile duct because it was closed, put a stent in it, remove the gallstone, and then that caused pancreatitis. Okay, awesome. Okay, perfect. So I was in the hospital for a week. dealing with that, but I'm good now, because it just was kind of inflamed. It was kind of irritated. It was agitated, and now it calmed down a little bit.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
Learning Irish, reconnecting with, you know, me speaking to my Irish fans. This is for you guys. To reconnect with your Irish heritage because try as they may or attempted as they have, it wasn't wiped out. Not completely. And that's such a testament to the strength and the will of the Irish people.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
Also, like, learning about all the sort of paramilitary and how the famine wasn't... I mean, Sinead O'Connor talks about this in her song. Like, the famine wasn't real. The famine was created by British negligence. I'm fired up. Like, I'm fucking... Actually, let me tell you something. I did my 23andMe, and guess what, bitch? I'm 90% Irish. I'm 90% Irish and English.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
But I don't know what that means, right? Like, is that 50% Irish, 50% whatever? Actually, I'm lying. It was 99% British and Irish. And the rest of it was Scandinavian. So you guessed it. I'm fucking white. Race reveal. I'm white. 99.9%. 0.01, we don't know. We don't know, okay? Two different types of Caucasian, yeah. Actually, Caucasian, what does Caucasian really mean? Caucasian definition.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
Because I don't even know if I'm Caucasian. I'm just white. White-skinned, of European origin. A white person, a person of European origin, a person from the Caucasus. Now, that's a mountain range, is it not? Caucasus. Yes. Now, see, look, the Caucasus is a geographically diverse region straddling Eastern Europe and Western Asia, Armenia, Azerbaijan, Georgia, and parts of Southern Russia.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
Now, see, I don't claim that. I am not Caucasus. I am a white skin from Europe.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
Anyway, yeah, dude, I've been down this fucking rabbit hole of like the IRA and speaking to... I watched this crazy documentary on a man who served like 16 years in prison for his involvement and participation in Bloody Sunday in 1972, which was when a bunch of British specially trained fighters opened fire into a crowd of civilians in... And I think it was Dublin or Belfast.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
It was in Derry, that's right. Yeah, British, specially trained British soldiers opened fire on unarmed civilians during a civil rights march. During a protest. Oh my God, this fucking documentary was tea. And this is just history, but I'm like, hello, the specifics of it. Opened fire into unarmed civilians peacefully protesting.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
And then because this atrocity was committed and it wasn't the first and it wasn't going to be the last, the British Empire, the British government was asked to conduct an investigation on what really happened on January 30th, 1972. And it took them until the fucking 90s. 1998, I think, is when they reopened the investigation and it ended in 2010 where they actually admitted fault.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
Only thing that's different in my life now is my diet's all fucked up now. I can't eat like a normal person. I'm on a super low-fat diet. Who gives a fuck? Anyway, I'm all good. That's just, you know, the story of the never-ending gallbladder continues. I hope it's done. All that to say, that's why I was gone. Thank y'all for being so patient.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
that the force used was unnecessary and inflammatory and all these things. And I'm like, fucking, what is that? 2010 to 2017, 40 years later? It's not, like, Mecap always jokes about any fucking British person who buys a ticket to their show, that's reparations. It's funny, but it's like, what could ever be an apology? What could ever, other than a united Ireland?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
Anyway, been really, really locked the fuck into Irish history. Also because, hello, my people. Yeah. I guess I've been Irish all along. On my mom's side, my whole maternal line is last name Riley. And it was O'Riley because they dropped the O when they immigrated to the United States. They immigrated to Texas. And I don't know how many generations back it was.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
But now I'm like intrigued by all this shit because especially learning about the famine. And how the famine was completely avoidable. And how the British Empire used the potato blight as a justification for God wanting to wipe a whole population of people off the fucking planet. Just when you think the British Empire... Couldn't be more evil, they're more evil.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
Anyway, all that to say around the time of the famine, those fortunate enough to scrap together enough money sailed to America or they sailed to Liverpool, mainland UK. And then they also sailed to a port in Canada and then some to the Southern United States. The conditions were horrific. A good percentage of them did not make it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
And if they did, it was a whole new set of struggles that they were about to be faced with in these countries that were not kind to Irish immigrants, any immigrants at all. Actually, you can go ahead and just put an asterisk there. And who... created almost a new social class that was lower than poverty. That's what the Irish immigrants lived in.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
So all that, it's just got me really interested in how psychotic that, I mean, this isn't, like, let me just say it, and I know it sounds stupid, and I know you're going to be like, okay, but But the United States of America, a country full and built by immigrants, all of us are immigrants. None of us are, other than indigenous Native Americans, none of us are from here.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
Rocky Road to Dublin, one, two, three, four, five. Hunt the hare and turn her down the rocky road. And all the way to Dublin, walk for Lolita. Guys! Get up. Get the fuck up. We are so back. Hump the hair and turn it down the rocky road to Dublin. All the way to Dublin. Fuck you.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
So to think that a country that's barely 200 and something years old
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
has such a strict like anti-immigrant sentiment or such harsh prejudices like where the fuck do you think we came from anyway that's neither here nor there i'm just fucking mad anyway i learned a lot about the ira and selfishly not even selfishly just ignorantly i will admit the first time i heard about the ira picky blinders and they're kind of a villain
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
Like, the IRA is kind of a villain in Tommy Shelby's story because he's from Birmingham and it's whatever. Like, they're just kind of a terrorist group. And a lot of people saw the Irish Republican Army as terrorists, but they're not. You know what I mean? Anyway. This is another episode where I should have just put up the Irish flag behind me. This episode is sponsored by Rocket Money.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
When it comes to spending, sometimes it's out of sight, out of mind. That daily coffee habit, those streaming subscriptions, they add up fast without you even noticing. Rocket Money helps you spot those patterns so you can do something about them and keep more money in your pocket.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
Rocket Money's dashboard gives you a clear view of your expenses across all of your accounts. Easily create a personalized budget with custom categories to help keep your spending on track. See your monthly spending trends in each category to know exactly where you're spending your money. The new Goals feature automatically saves money for you, so you don't have to think about it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
Help pay off bills, put away money for a house, or just build your savings. Rocket Money makes it easy. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when they use all of the app's premium features. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
Go to rocketmoney.com slash broskiereport today. That's rocketmoney.com slash broskiereport, rocketmoney.com slash broskiereport. This episode is sponsored by Hungry Root. It's spring officially, and I'm running around like a chicken with its head cut off. I don't have time to go grocery shopping or to cook healthy meals at home. That's why I use Hungry Root.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
Hungry Root is like having your own personal shopper and nutritionist all wrapped into one. They take care of the weekly grocery shopping, recommending healthy groceries and meals tailored to your tastes, nutrition preferences, and health goals.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
Okay, I've seen Sinners in theaters three times now. If y'all thought I was annoying about Elvis in the summer slash autumn of 2022, you've got a new fucking thing coming, okay? I was addicted to the Elvis movie in a way that was suggesting I had some unhealed trauma, right? Like, why did I see Elvis in theaters nine times? I didn't need to do that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
They make it easy to eat high-quality, nutritious food and achieve any diet or health goals from anti-inflammatory to gut-friendly, gluten-free or dairy-free, high-protein, whatever you need. Shopping, planning, and cooking food really can be simple and stress-free.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
Just tell them what your goals are and your preferences, and they fill your cart with personalized recommendations that get smarter as they learn more about what you liked or didn't love. All of Hungry Roots' recipes can be made in just 15 minutes or less. With over 15,000 recipes shipped each week, there's something for every taste and nutrition preference.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
I have to eat a low fat, high protein diet, which is hard to meal prep for. It's been really nice using Hungry Root because I always have safe options stocked in the house. I love Hungry Root. Take advantage of this exclusive offer. For a limited time, get 40% off your first box, plus get a free item in every box for life. Go to HungryRoot.com slash Broski and use code Broski.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
That's HungryRoot.com slash Broski. Code Broski to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life. HungryRoot.com slash Broski. Code Broski. Okay, here's something completely unrelated, but it's just been on my heart. It's been on my heart. There's something about Sinners and the cadence of the movie with the time period that has me really thinking about, this is a deep cut.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
I need you fucking weirdo bitches to lock in with me right now because I'm going to throw you a curveball and I need you to catch it, okay? Do you remember the 2013 movie called Beautiful Creature? Please tell me someone remembers. It's like, I think it was a book that was adapted into a movie. And the whole premise is like, she's a witch. Like, she moves into this town. She's a new girl.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
She's a fucking witch. And then, of course, the popular hot guy takes an interest in her. And he's like, I'm seeing you around here. And she's like, you can't come to my house. And he's like, what? What do you mean? I love you. And she's like, don't fucking come. I told you. And it's because she's like a born again.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
Like she's condemned to keep living the same life over and over and over through generations in this same city. But she's got to move away. She's a witch. I don't fucking know. And it has to do with the Civil War. And I don't know why, I cannot remember, but this movie just popped into my head. And I'm like, holy fuck, I have to watch that movie. What?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
It's like, it was the same era of, what's that Nicholas Holt movie? Warm Bodies? Like, these freako monster magic movies were coming out that were romances. And, like, it was around the time of Divergent and Hunger Games and fucking Fault in Our Stars. Like, it was this era. Beautiful Creatures just feels like one that people just, like, for some reason forgot about. I remembered. I remembered.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
Why? I don't know. It's not really an impressive movie. And the ending is kind of stupid and doesn't make sense. But I just remember it vividly being a Civil War, like, reenactment movie. That's what it fucking felt like. But it's not. Like, it has something to do with they have been lovers in the past life. And where they met and how they tragically died was in the Civil War.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
It's one of those fucking movies. Which, like, whatever trope that is, I love it. Whatever fucking trope that is, I'm drooling thinking about it. I told you being with me was going to get you hurt. I don't care. I'll do whatever it takes. I just love you. I'll be with you. And then she explodes. And then, like, she hurts him. But he's like, I'm fine. I'm fine. Right?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
That's also really expensive, not a great way to spend money. But I just, I really needed to see it. And then once it hit streaming, I never watched it again. It was something very special to me about going to see it in the theater, okay? I'm feeling a little similar about Sinners. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. It stirred something in my spirit.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
Like, whatever the fuck trope that is, need more of that. Need to write a book with that in it. So, Beautiful Creatures. I don't know why Sinners made me think of that movie. Maybe it's just because it's, like, in the fucking boonies in the South. I mean, Sinners takes place in Mississippi. Beautiful Creatures takes place in, like, North Carolina or something like that. Beautiful Creatures.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
He's a... Benson Boone, no comment.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
Her name in the show is Ridley Ducanis. That's not right. Okay, now this movie doesn't have horrible reviews. Now, they're not great. 48% on Rotten Tomatoes, 6.1 out of 10 on IMDb. It could have been worse. In the small town of Gatlin, South Carolina, teenage Ethan Waite, who is played by Alden Erkenreich, and he is sexy, and I don't know what he's doing nowadays. Oh, he's 5'9".
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
Holy fuck, that's right. He's in Solo of Star Wars. He plays fucking on Solo. Yes, dude. Yes, dude.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
Yes, he plays Han Solo. Oh my God, I need to re-watch Solo. You know, I had a real addiction to this man as a 16-year-old. I was 16 when this movie came out. Yeah, I was addicted to him. I was also addicted. I watched that Dune Prophecy show when it came out. I didn't finish it just because life. But I loved it while I was watching it. The guy who plays the Atreides.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
The Atreides lineage, who's like a spy. I was addicted to him for a second. And he's married and fully has a child. But I was like, God, for him alone, I'm going to keep watching this show. They look similar. What's his fucking name? Dune Prophecy cast. And the guy who plays Desmond Hart, he's hot. Chris Mason, this guy. He plays Kieran Atreides. They're like, you know, just attractive white guy.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
Just... Dime a dozen. I am locked into him, though. Like, I really, I was addicted to him in this show because he looks like Harry Styles a little bit. Okay.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
Yeah, Beautiful Creatures, I know what I'm doing tonight. I'm going to go rewatch Beautiful Creatures because what the fuck? I might have to rewatch Warm Bodies as well. Okay, here are some extracurriculars before we get back into sinners because I figured y'all did a break. Okay, I've been talking about it for too long because then I'm going to really get into it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
But here are some other things I wanted to talk about. Let's book club for a second. I am currently reading Game of Thrones. I started it. I'm currently reading Anthony Bourdain's book, one of them. I'm also currently reading that book I bought on priests and poverty in post-famine Ireland. It's a book I bought from this used bookstore by my house like a while ago.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
It was, I think it's just the nature of, of the storytelling and it being a musical movie. Not it being a musical, but like the same deal with the Elvis movie where it was so musical, obviously, I fell in love with Sinners. So the majority of this episode is going to be about Sinners. So if you haven't seen it, fucking grow up, go see it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
And because I've been so fucking into... Irish history from pre famine to now, it's like, I think it covers like 1847 to 1890 something. And how just the, the, Irish Catholic church versus the Protestant is such a point of tension in like all of the history.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
And this is specifically how, you know, the churches on both sides are just, there's so much abuse in the churches, which we know this isn't shocking to anyone, but it is just disturbing every time you have to hear about it or every time It's relevant. And so reading this book, it is relevant.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
And it's also always disturbing when you hear about a church being used as a sort of a way to control people. And unfortunately, around the time of the famine or leading up to the famine or post famine, Protestants were offering food to Catholics. But you had to convert if you wanted to eat, if you wanted to feed your family.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
And for some, it's like, I'll tell you whatever you want to fucking hear as long as I can eat tonight, you know, and you can promise food for my whole family. But for others, it wasn't worth it, you know? And I, my feelings on religion aside, like that is, that's tough. And it's admirable to believe in your faith so fervently that you would forego, you would be without.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
And then a lot of them eventually passed and it's just, The church should never... I mean, that is quite literally the antithesis of what religion, especially an Abrahamic religion, stands for, which is love thy neighbor. Like, give them the clothes off of your back. In what fucking universe is that? It's just sick.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
And reading this book, it just makes my stomach turn, and it doesn't make me miss the church. But at the same time, I do have a deep... seeded, I guess, sensitivity to religious folk, to people who have strong religious devotion, who are rich in faith, because I've been the opposite for so long. But I used to be, and I remember what it feels like, and I remember the...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
I wouldn't call it peace, but the comfort that being faithful and praying, what that gives. And I, you know, as I'm reading this book, I'm just like, it's taken me somewhere else and it's somewhere that I don't like to visit. And it makes me sad. Anyway. I'm reading, I'm currently reading those three books.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
But at the same time, sometimes when it's too, you know, intellectual and heavy like that, I mean, a book like that is so fucking heavy. Sometimes I want to cut up the heaviness with a romantic-y, okay? Fucking sue me. For the longest time on my Goodreads, on my whatever, like whenever you scroll through those book talk recommendations, if you liked ACOTAR, you'll love.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
Can I just say, you bitches are smoking something cheap. You're smoking something cheap. Because I got one of those fuck ass slideshows. of some aesthetic woman who had put all her books on her bed and had done flowers around it, perfect lighting. If you're a fan of Throne of Glass, you will love these books. Guess what the one I picked was? Cruel Prince. You bitches make me angry.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
There might be spoilers, but it's not enough to like ruin the movie for you, okay? Let's begin. Now, let me go ahead and give a disclaimer. that I wrote notes, okay? I love this movie so fucking much, I wrote notes on it of what I wanted to talk about when I talked about it on the podcast.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
Y'all make me mad. I'm mad. I paid for The Cruel Prince. Two stars. A two-star read. I was 100 pages into the book, and they talked about leaving the fairy realm and going to a human mall, and the main character was wearing sparkly converse. I said... I am fucking livid. I'm mad. What is wrong with y'all? This can't be what we're reading. This can't be it. Am I being punked? Like, I'm so mad.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
I paid $11.99 for a two-star read. Fuck you, bitches. I'm mad. The Cruel Prince. Okay, here we go. I wish I had my review in front of me. The Cruel Prince was an unbelievable dynamic to begin with, okay? First 10 pages, sorry, I'm going to spoil it for you. Their parents get murdered, okay? She's like six, and her sister is like half magic. I don't know.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
This guy comes in, murders their parents, and then is like, guess I have to take care of you now. It's my duty. After he just murdered, okay, kidnaps the kids, takes them to Ferry. And of course he is a general. So like he's very well off. He's very well to do. They're never taken into poverty, right? They're taken into the palace.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And so he steals them and raises them as his own and he loves them. What? So like from the very beginning, I don't believe this dynamic. I don't believe this. Like, I don't know what, Here's a small accolade I will give to this book is I think the author described the fairy realm, and I say that as like F-A-I-R-I-E, like fairy is the name of the land that they exist in, right?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
And it's sort of like a platform nine and three quarters where if you see it, you can go, you know, like you can pass. or maybe a fairy will make a bargain with you and you can interfere. But other than that, it's invisible to the human eye, okay? What I appreciated about her describing fairy is that the fairy realm is incredibly morally gray.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
So if you see me reading or if it feels like I'm reading, it's because I fucking am, because I typed all this up at 1 a.m. last night. Okay, so let's get into it. To start, it doesn't even need to be said, but it does need to be said that Ryan Coogler's a fucking genius. He is a fucking genius.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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They do not have a set of moral guideposts or standards that they live by. Sure, there are things like honor and power and fame and glory and control. All these things exist at the same time, but...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
To be morally good is not really a concern for anyone in Faerie, and of course, this is part of the ride that our female main character takes, is that the longer she spends in Faerie, the less human she becomes, and therefore, is that inherently wrong? Is her assimilation into the Faerie realm
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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positive because she's finally accepted into something or she's, you know, this is the whole point of the book. She's proving her worth.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
She's proving that she's, even though I'm a human, I can, I'm still badass. I can kick some butt. I can kick some ass. Sorry for cussing. Like, that's how this fucking book felt. Yeah, I'm a badass who can kick some ass. Sorry, mom, if you're listening.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
Like, bro. And so that was one aspect that I actually found intriguing is the way that she would describe... some of the royals, how they acted, or just general fae. They steal, they lie, not unlike humans, but at least humans try to act like we feel guilt about it, you know what I mean? Or that there's a sense of shame. There's no shame in Faerie. They have no insecurity, I guess, about their
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
naked forms or they're like everyone in fairy is beautiful so why would you need to feel insecure and there's so many different types of flora and fauna based beings which was also a fun element of the book everything else was so unbelievable bro the enemies to lovers that they but this feels like she wrote that she wrote the book with that in mind like i'm gonna write an enemies to lovers and then make it not make sense
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
I'm so just, I don't want to read a book for the sake of tropes. If it just feels like a bunch of tropes that you've mashed together in like a casserole and then published it for me to read. It's a two-star read. It's a series. I'm not interested in continuing the series because I read it and I'm not joking.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
When they went to the human mall and they went to her sparkly converse, I said, I can't fucking do this, dude. I can't fucking do it. They talk about like anti-ans. In the fucking book! Because they're in the mall! I'm mad! But yeah, the morally gray thing I found intriguing because what a cool set of rules, or I guess lack of rules, to play with.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
And to have accomplished so much so young, and every project with Michael B. Jordan, hallelujah, thank you, amen. He is just leaps and bounds ahead of everyone, I think. Like, there was so much packed into this movie. Every time I see it again, I'm like, that's another thing I didn't catch. Like, I'm just blown away. So, flowers for him. This, I mean, it's just so well done.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And I guess she kind of does in terms of what the main character is willing to do, the lengths she goes to. You have to... play by their rules to win the game sort of thing. You know what I mean? And that was kind of, okay, sure. But there's a part at the end of the book where it's like, literally we're talking about the next monarch of Faerie.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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They're having, she's trying to do this like political succession type of thing. And it just falls flat because it's not It's like I see, I can see through the words on the page into how the author planned to write it. Do you know what I mean? I can see the vision.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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It just wasn't executed very well, which makes me sad because I think it could have been a much better book, but maybe it's one of those where the second and third book gets better. I don't know. I'm not really interested in reading it. And this is honestly the first read for me in a long time that I've genuinely, like, I didn't want to finish it. But I did.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I finished it because I don't think you can give a fair review of a book if you haven't read all of it and you haven't paid attention. So I finished it, but like... That's just not my type of book. And so to go from this sort of faux intellectual political scheming strategy landscape that The Cruel Prince tries to offer, I'm just going straight into fucking Game of Thrones.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
Like, truly, I was so over Cruel Prince, I was like, I have to start Game of Thrones. Like, I need something that is... That is, I know will not lead me astray. Because I have so many romanticies to be read. And I didn't want a romanticie per se. I didn't want another commitment like A Red Rising, even though I love Red Rising. That's a six book, you know, probably 4,000 pages of reading.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And I didn't want a heavy political historical book like my Ireland book. And then I didn't really want a memoir like Anthony Bourdain. And so here we are at Game of Thrones. And I'm on page like 40 or 50. And it's so good. Like, of course it's great. I fucking love Game of Thrones. And so I'm going to power through all of them. I know he's not done with, what is it?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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The Winds of Winter, Ways of Winter. That's fine. Because I'm going to go and read the Targaryen books, which is Song of Ice and Fire is the main six books, right? Five books. What's the Targaryen one? George R. R. Martin books. Okay, this is the one I'm talking about.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And it's a history of House Targaryen. Rather than a novel, Fire and Blood takes the form of a scholarly treatise about the Targaryen dynasty written by a historian within the world of A Song of Ice and Fire, Archmaester Gildayne. Gildayne.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Gildane cites a variety of fictional primary sources for the historical events he describes, whose accounts sometimes conflict with each other, reflecting medieval methods of historiography, and thus making Gildane an unreliable narrator from the reader's perspective. Whoa. Okay, so now this is what House of the Dragon is kind of based on, right? Because I don't know if these are done.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I don't know if he's done with the second Fire and Blood. It's called The Princess and the Queen or something like that. Aegon's Conquest describes Aegon Targaryen I's conquest of the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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More or less the same version was published in the, okay, Reign of the Dragon, The Wars of King Aegon I, Three Heads Had the Dragon, Governance Under King Aegon I. I need to lock the fuck into this. This shit is real to me, dude. If you don't know your history, what do you know? If you don't know the history of your king,
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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There are so many symbolic topics that, I mean, I'm just going to rattle them off. Like, as I was watching it, as I was watching reviews afterward, as I was reading more about the influences and inspirations that he drew from to tell this story in a new way, you know what I mean? We're dealing with cultural vampirism, religious vampirism, vampirism as a symbol for colonization, of course.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
By the way, I cannot fucking wait for House of the Dragon season three because season two just felt like you bitches are edging us. You are edging us. And Rhaenys did not need to die. I need to speak to the showrunner because you bitches, I am livid. I'm mad. Anyway. Anyway, free Prince Aemond. He didn't do nothing wrong. He's just trying to lead the kingdom. He didn't free my king. My king.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
Okay, yeah. So I may have went a little bit too in on Cruel Prince. Sorry. If you like that book, my fault. My fault. Okay? To each their own. But you know what I was thinking the other day? Just a tangent for a second. My favorite books that I've ever read are not Romantici. And that, I think, Says a lot. But it doesn't say anything at all, really, because I really enjoy Romantasy. Like, duh.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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That shit is so fun. One Dark Window, Two Twisted Crowns. That was a fun read. I loved those books. And it was just enough. It was original. It was cute. It was intelligent. It was just the right amount of intimate, right? It was a dynamic that I believed. It was an interesting magic system for... 4.5 stars. I loved that duology. Cruel Prince just fell flat for me. I don't, you know.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
Anyway, I love reading a romantic every now and then, but my favorite books of all time, The Secret History, Angels and Demons by Dan Brown, Red Rising, the whole Red Rising series, like these are not really anywhere even touching romantic. The Secret History is a fiction thriller. I guess like a dark academic thriller. Angels and Demons is similar. It's a historical fiction.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
Red Rising is sci-fi, like a political sci-fi. And I'm sure when I finish Game of Thrones, that'll be up there with my favorites ever, which is high fantasy. So yeah, I find it very interesting. Maybe it's just because I haven't found a romance book that gives me everything that I want. I loved ACOTAR and ACOTAR, truly I can credit to getting me back into reading.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I've read like nine or 10 books this year so far and it's April. Like I'm very proud of myself. That is not, I have not been that woman since high school. Like I'm so fucking back and it makes me feel smart and it makes me feel accomplished. And, you know, I like discussing the stories and the books and like online and with people, it's fun. But I don't know.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
I don't know if I've ever read... Like, I loved Akatar, but some of the war felt a little... Okay. To me, you know? Versus, like, when you read a book like Game of Thrones, when you read a book like Red Rising, where it's like, holy fuck. Yeah. I mean, we're doing military strategy. Like, that is, you know... But yeah, that's my one thing.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
I've also been toying with the idea of if I were to write a book, would it be fantasy? And I don't know. It would be fiction for sure. And it would be a thrilling fiction. Not in contemporary times. It would probably be a historical fiction. But even then, to write a fantasy novel... I just feel like the space is so oversaturated and you're competing with the heavy hitters.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Like immediately it's going to be compared to the top three most famous book talk books that are in that trope or that genre. And it's like I don't – I would love to write a book someday, but what is – what feels the most authentic to the story that I – and a story that I would want to tell and that I could tell well.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
I get all these inspirational bullshit slideshows on TikTok that are like, you'll never have something to critique if you don't just start. You can never finish if you don't just start.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And I'm like, I'm not writing my book yet. Stop. I don't want to fucking write my book yet.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
But yeah, I don't know. It's something that maybe that would be a really fun thing outlet, never to be released. But maybe I need to, maybe I need to like, I don't know, start typing. Maybe I need to open a Word document. Anyway, yeah, I've just thought, you know, I've just been thinking about it a lot lately. Like, I've always thought, oh, I'll write a romantic, I'll write a romantic.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
I don't know if I will. I don't know if I want to. I don't know if that calls to me. I like reading them, but I don't, I don't know. Also, here's another thing that is completely just tangent, irrelevant to anything I've been talking about. I have spent a lot of time with myself the last two weeks through the hospital stuff, whatever. And I'm realizing some, like...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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my favorite this, my favorite that. I didn't know some of the things about myself. I took some time to sort of answer those questions. Does this make sense? What's your favorite flower? What's your favorite season? what's your favorite this? What's your, you know what I mean? And I landed on, this is huge.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Jim Crow and its lasting effects, what we're still dealing with today. The fact that Jim Crow is recent history, this isn't even 100 years old. This shit was 61 years ago. Not when this movie takes place, but Jim Crow was only repealed 61 years ago. Like in our grandparents' life, okay. This movie deals with assimilation, community, freedom, true freedom. And what does that mean?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And I want you guys to sort of, you know, have this conversation with yourself because it's fun to know these things. So when you know them, you can treat yourself. Cause I'm on this whole fucking journey of like, I don't need someone to buy this shit for me. I can get it for myself because I like it. You My favorite flower is Lily of the Valley because they look like fairy hats.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
This is my favorite flower. Lily of the Valley. Look how freaking cute.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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They're just so like, how does this just grow naturally? Nature is amazing and so cute. And they make fucking vases and lamps that look like this! I need a Lily of the Valley lamp now! Now, now, now!
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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They're so cute. I don't know. Yeah, these are my favorite flowers. And they're so small. I just love them. Lily of the Valley lamp.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Look at this one. Like, I'll cry. Okay, fine, I'll cry.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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So anyway, just big news, discovered that's my favorite flower. And my favorite food, crawfish etouffee, but we knew that. Okay, a few more things, and then I'll let you guys go, okay? Here's one. I saw Orville on Broadway in Cabaret, and I don't know if I ever talked about it on here. That bitch needs to be put down. He is so talented. It makes, like, I'm angry. It makes me mad.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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It is so much fun. And I told him this afterward. I was like, there is not a better joy for me as a person than watching my friends and people I love do what they were meant to do. It is a beautiful, magical thing when you see someone walk in their purpose. And that's me sort of projecting, I guess, of like, he's just really fucking good at it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And I can tell it brings him joy and it just feels right. It was like a heavenly spiritual experience watching him do that. And to be like, I know that him, the most annoying man I've ever met, Orville Peck, he's so good. It was so good. And who said gay people can't be talented? Good for you. Good for him. Amazing.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Yeah, I don't know how much longer they're doing their run, but for the love of God, if you can go, please go. I had a big blast. A blast. And the woman who plays opposite him, I'd never seen Cabaret, by the way. I had never seen it in my life. Addicted. I might have to go and watch a little bootleg version with Alan Cumming in it. Thank you and amen. Yeah. But wow.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And I didn't know Adam Lambert, Adam Glambert, was the MC before Orville. Fucking gag. Like, just amazed. And I saw it with my writers, the Metchke twins, and they were like, this performance and production of Cabaret, I've never seen anything like it. Like, they've both seen Cabaret before. They were like, this was really immersive and really kind of bare bones. And you're so close to the stage.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
It was just... It was amazing. Had a freaking blast. Also, watched by John Waters. Couldn't say hi. Got nervous. Thought about saying hi, and I was like, that's not going to happen, actually. And they put, listen to this seating arrangement, girl. Fucking Orville. He was like, he invited me to come, and I was like, oh, my God, I would love to. I show up.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Katya to my left, Trixie to my right, Jinx down there. I said, oh, and Chapel. Chapel was behind us.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I was like, he put all the fucking annoying people front and center. I shut up. I said, oh, my God. I didn't know it was a stupid bitch club meeting.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And is religion a type of spiritual subjugation when it is an evangelical religion, right? Black expression, Black joy, Black ownership, and Ryan Coogler's respective deal with the studio that in 25 years, he will own this movie outright, which most directors don't own the movies that they make. Black ownership and its attempted destruction.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Meet up, front row. Anyway, so fun. Here are my songs of the week. Okay. The Bell by Yeet. I don't know. I don't know. The Bell by Yeet is a great song. When I'm driving, I'm just doing Yeet, okay? And I missed his Coachella set, and I'm literally sad. Y'all care if a white girl turns up for a second? Can a white girl turn up one time? I've also been doing Emergence by Sleep Token, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Where's the album? Where's the album? I like Emergence better than Caramel, but Caramel's good. And also, I say, what do I say? Well, here's that age-old thing, right? Is it Caramel or is it Caramel? Because it's a Caramel apple, but I want Caramel sauce on my ice cream. So don't even get me started on that. I like Emergence by Sleep Token. The whole Sinner soundtrack goes without saying.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
And here are two more. Worst Behavior by K-1. I just, I have sort of a fixation on K-1 right now. worst behavior and do what I say. Okay. I'm actually, I don't, I'm not going to start squirming in my seat. Moving on. Street Sweeper by Future and Gunna. I don't know. I'm just, this has been what's on my repeat lately.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Also, I've been really, I know I talk about them a lot, but the band Sports, they're just, I like to take a little edible and listen to Sports. I don't know. That's how I have fun. I like to dance around in my kitchen to sports. They need a tour. They need to tour it. I'm going to take an edible and go nonverbal in the crowd. That's what I need in my spirit. Holy fuck. Hold on.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
I have a few more things to say about sinners. I completely missed this. Hold on. Holy shit. How did I miss this? Oh, because I started talking about Ireland. I started talking about Ireland. I went on a tangent. Okay. Here's what I wrote. My ears sort of perked up at the Irish element of this movie. How Remick is of Irish descent, but he is a southern white man in the movie.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Remick and the whole crew, the whole cast of characters in the juke joint have more in common than is comfy to admit. Both have been touched by colonization, stripped of their heritage and native tongue, complete lineages wiped out, broken and beaten, and yet he becomes what he despises most, the colonizer. He also fell for the grand lie that is colonization.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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But I think he sympathized because there's this whole scene. What I'm saying is I think he sympathized and wanted more so to offer them freedom through vampirism, becoming a vampire, versus just killing them to kill them. Does that make sense? There's this whole scene where Remick kind of goes into his...
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background of Sammy starts saying the Lord's Prayer and he finishes it for him and he goes, yeah, they tried that on my people too. You know what I mean? Like to come in and completely just wipe the slate, instill a new religion, a new language, a new schooling system, a new way of dressing, a new way of speaking and praying. Just wipe it. Like what a, what a
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Interesting and true parallel of colonization doing its fucking thing, you know, and this great lie that it's better this way. So it was such a strange full circle thing to watch. You know, here's Remick talking about what happened to the Irish people, which is not dissimilar to how slavery began and ended in the United States. So – and arguably is still happening.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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There are so many things to be said. So many things that I will try to get to in this episode. My God, I've been gone for two weeks. What have y'all done without me? Seriously, be honest. Have y'all missed me? Did you miss me bad? If the answer's no, keep it to your fucking self. I missed you guys. It's been two weeks. Plus, guess who had pancreatitis? Me.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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So many things come to mind, like Tulsa and all of the, how Central Park used to be a hub of Black business. And these things are wiped from the historical record. They're wiped from a collective memory. And we know why. But projects like this really just, it's such a beautiful thing to witness and to call attention to
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So I found that parallel really, like – an interesting way to move the story along or I guess to resolve the story of why, what is Remick's motivation, other than the fact that he's a vampire, to do that, you know? And what a weird place of sympathy to come from as the villain that just, it's just genius. And to think that Ryan Coogler wrote this
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And he wrote in the Irish sort of the Irish of it all. And then Jack O'Connell comes in and can do traditional Irish dance. He can speak in the Irish accent flawlessly because he himself, I think half of his family is Irish or something like that. Like it was just so well done and it felt very respectful, but it was also like, you know, what a symbol for colonization and how you can sort of
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carry on that negative cycle and the horrific cycle, even having experienced it, being on the receiving end of it. It's just, wow. Also, I don't know where this was. I think it's in the soundtrack, maybe in the album artwork for the soundtrack, but It explains more of Remick's background of we don't know when he became a vampire. We don't know when he immigrated. We don't know.
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But there was a ship that sailed from Ireland to Boston, I think. And it was like spooky circumstances how the ship arrived, how things were on fire. There were no remnants of human beings, but there was blood everywhere and destroyed furniture. And there was a small...
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Evidence of a fire had occurred and people saw one man who was steaming like he was burned exiting the ship and, you know, wandering the river. And then the first time you're introduced to Remick, it feels like he drops from the sky and his skin is sizzling. And it's, you know, so that can kind of explain, I guess, his background or how we come to know him.
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that we don't know how long he's been a vampire, but we know that from when he touched down in the US, this has been his MO. Also loved the cameo from the native population. They were like, okay, this is your problem now. Okay, we were trying to help you, lady. I just saw you're actually a clan member. Fuck you and goodbye. Good luck with all that. fucking crazy.
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Anyway, yeah, that was what I had to speak about that, of what an interesting way to paint a villain, and you almost, like, feel bad for him until you don't, because it's like, oh. Anyway. Okay, I think that'll do it for me, team. New Royal Court pretty much every week. And if you want merch, go to broski.shop. Subscribe to this podcast if you want.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
We've also got some crazy guests coming up on Royal Court soon. Also, go stream my music if you give a shit. If y'all care at all. And if you want another song, I don't know, let me know. It's kind of up to you guys. I will see you next week. Y'all be good. Okay, bye-bye.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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You know, especially we're living through this horrific period right now of just rewriting history as it's happening in a truly 1984 fashion. So stories like this are just, I mean, you don't need me to tell you that it's important. This is really the meat of what I wanted to speak about.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
We know that in Jim Crow era, specifically 1930s here, the blues as a genre of music was seen as a black form of art and it was the devil's music, right? Then 20 years later... if even, you see it co-opted and stolen by people like Elvis, and they are singing the blues, performing the blues, a watered-down version to the mass public to an incredible level of success, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Even when you talk about bands or movements, so to speak, musical movements like the Rolling Stones, the Beatles, the British Invasion, These things, I mean, Mick Jagger will literally say this in interviews. Like, the reason that the Stones, I think, were so successful in the States is because—
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they were not stealing, but heavily borrowing from the Black American blues scene, repackaging it as a white British guy singing it, and reselling it to the white American public, and they bought it. And that's just this, I mean, we see this cycle constantly through history of Black people make their trendsetters, the Black community,
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
create culture and everyone else is sort of like second to catch up to it. And so that just the blues being the central, the central message of this movie was really beautiful and really well done. And the soundtrack, I know that Ludwig Goranson, is that his last name? He's quickly shaping up to be the Hans Zimmer of our time. Hello? He did Oppenheimer. I'm pretty sure he did Mandalorian.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
Direct from the Broski Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California, this is the Broski Report with your host, Brittany Broski.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
He's done so many other like super famous soundtracks that are just heavily ingrained in the culture of the story that the storyteller is trying to tell. And he just nails it every time. I'm blown away. The soundtrack to this fucking movie is half the reason that I'm like hard. It's ridiculously well done. Here is what I think draws me
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
to this movie and to the soundtrack so soulfully is to sing the blues, to love the blues, to relate to the blues. I truly believe to my core that the blues is a way, music in general, is a way to process what we otherwise cannot process emotionally, mentally, socially, physically sometimes. I mean, we carry stress in the body.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
And there is something therapeutic and very cathartic and very medical about singing and dancing as a form of release, as a form of stress relief, as a form of community bonding and the solidarity of sharing a live music session with other people, with a community, with your community. It's beautiful.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Guess who did a little timeshare staycation at Cedars-Sinai? Me. What the fuck? Like, I feel 65 years old. I'm good now. I am all good now. Hallelujah. Amen. He is risen. He is good. Happy late Easter. Yeah, I had pancreatitis. Here's the long and short of it all. I put a whole bag of jelly beans up my ass. Basically, they removed my gallbladder a month ago, right?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
And the reason I'm struggling to put this sentiment into words, and I guess I've talked about it before on this podcast, but music is deeply spiritual for those who allow it to be. The blues specifically, knowing what we know about the origin of the blues, that it is from the Black community that evolved and turned into rock and roll, and then that evolutionary lineage down the road.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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It is all American Black music, and it's so beautifully celebrated in this movie. But with that history in mind, knowing that the blues is related to slave hymns and how hymns are a sort of spiritual salve on a wounded soul, and the collective trauma that the American black community collectively has, it is just, it was so well done.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
The storytelling, the music, and as someone who loves the blues, and I think being from the South really connects me to it because the blues is in everything, right? It's in, you can hear it in church music. You can hear it in country music. You can hear it in some forms of traditional bluegrass. I mean, there are,
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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you just start getting into this chord progression or this turnaround and it's like, God, it's just right. It feels right. I felt that way so many times watching this fucking movie because it's in our bones. I truly, truly, I've talked about it before. Like if it's, it's in the makeup of our being, I believe that humans are musical creatures and to sing and dance is is such a human thing.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
And there's a reason why dance is so heavily ingrained in every ancient culture on earth. You know, like each culture has its traditional dances and traditional music. It's because that is what we are. And this was just, oh my God, I cannot rate this movie enough, okay? The message at the end of the movie
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
I think, especially with the post-credit scene, are these fleeting moments of joy worth all of the pain? And is that not kind of... what the blues sums up. I had this great thing and now it's gone. Pain and misery. And you spend the rest of your life like reflecting and longing for that joy that you once had. But now that joy informs the art you make. And that in itself is a type of joy.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
And so it's just, I mean, come on. Now, here is what I wanted to segue into today. From the beginning. Okay. Here's some background. For the last week or two, I've been getting a lot of kneecap stuff on my For You page, okay? Who's kneecap? Kneecap is a rap group from Ireland. They're Irish. And they are so political, as they should be. And as an Irish person, how can you not?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Your existence is political. You know what I mean? They did a set at Coachella. And a bunch of people turned up for it. It went great. At the end, they put up a message on the screens that was like, Israel is committing a genocide. We stand with the Palestinian people. Free Palestine, free Palestine, free Palestine. Chills all over my body. Everyone in the crowd like went crazy cheering.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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It was so like the videos I was seeing, I was like, this is incredible. Then, of course, the backlash online comes. They get dropped by their U.S. agent. Like, all this fucking tea has been happening. And I'm thinking also, by the way, you signed them knowing that, like, their whole thing is standing against the oppressor, right?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Because I had a bunch of gallstones causing a blockage. Well, a little fucker was left behind. A gallstone was left behind in my bile duct, okay? The bile duct helps bring bile to the stomach so you can digest food. It was lodged in my bile duct.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
Like, no one understands that more than fucking Ireland, living under the iron fist of the British Empire for 900 years. Like... to have your lineage wiped out, your native language, your dance, your music, your traditions, your customs, by an occupation, like to be occupied. For them to do that, of course they're going to do that. Why are you shocked?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Like all this fucking tea's been happening of people, the political band is being political. What? What the fuck? Like what? So it's been fun to keep up with that. And then, of course, that got me started on a rabbit hole down kneecap.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
And I followed them on Instagram and they followed me back and I kind of freaked the fuck out, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
I kind of freaked the fuck out. Anyway, I got started on a rabbit hole down their whole ethos and their whole sort of mission statement of reclaiming the Irish language As a form of it's like a generational push for reclamation and for continuing on for those who who couldn't. And it's like a duty and a weight that rests on the shoulders of this next generation of reclamation.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Irish youth that is reconnecting with their heritage that, I mean, just, and then that sent me down a whole rabbit hole of the origins of the conflict between, you know, the Republic of Ireland, Northern Ireland, the UK, which of course I knew the basics, but again, the American education system has failed me. And so that's been like my hyper fixation of the last two weeks has been
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
The nationalists first, you know, even going back to like the Bloody Sundays and the 1920s and then into the 1970s when the for real Bloody Sunday happened and how this is not ancient history. Once again, you know, we're talking about these things. And then you cut to Palestine right now, like this shit is still happening. And we haven't found a way or at least...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
91: I AM OFFICIALLY IRISH
Our governments have not found a way to put the ego aside and save human lives. And so going back into the sort of historical archive of where our relations today between the Republic of Ireland and the United Kingdom, especially in the wake of Brexit, it's all just very fascinating. And it feels like it's very tense and it's very... It is a wonderful time to start...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Like, How would you, I don't know, how would you know the truth? That's always been my question since I was young and in vacation Bible school. How do you know that's true? And that's the whole point, is that you don't. And I was too, I guess, literal to realize that, is that that is what faith means. Because if something is real and tangible, you don't need to have faith in it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Remember that scene in Twilight where he's at the lab table and the owl wings are behind him? And they were like, I remember my whole family, my whole family, it was like my aunt and then my cousins, we all were addicted to Edward Cullen. We went to the theater and we saw it, whatever. It was fantastic, just like I imagined it while reading it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I mean, you can, but that's a different sense of the word, a meaning of the word. Like to have faith that this thing is there and it's omnipotent and it is looking out for you. You know, I remember even being that young thinking, why would God care about me? You know, like, I'm fine. Like, there are so many other people who probably need help more than me. You know, why do you care?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Like, I, oh my God, the guilt goes so deep. Because I still think about this sometimes. Or I remember praying when we would be in church of like, you know, now bow your heads, we're all going to say our prayer. And like asking for something and feeling guilty for it. That's just crazy how deep it goes. Anyway, Lamb of God, did Jesus have a lamb? John the Baptist called Jesus the Lamb of God.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Isaiah prophesied that Jesus would be brought as a lamb to the slaughter. Why do people say, why, what is the sacrificial significance? What is the significance? My fault. What is the significance of the sacrificial lamb? This is such a great painting. Who did this? Francisco de Surparan. He was Spanish Baroque. It's housed in the Prado Museum in Madrid.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Look at that detail for 1635. That is psychotic. Amazing. I mean, really take a second to look at that. Audio listeners, this is a painting of a lamb that's had all of its limbs tied together around the ankle. And he's like slumped on the ground. And it's a very dynamic image. Like it's visceral. And you also know like what this means and what's about to happen, you know?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Think about how long ago that was. No even semblance of a photograph or technology, not for another 200 and some odd years. And they're painting with this level of accuracy and detail. If I could go back in time to any period, I think I would want to be in like Either 18... No, I take that back. Actually, why would I bring this up if I didn't have an answer? You know what I mean?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Why would I suggest it if I didn't have an answer? I'm sorry to you guys for that. I'll apologize to you guys for that. I feel god-awful. If I could go back in time. Because I'll say a few different options, but just know that I'm lying. I don't mean any of these. Pirates of the Caribbean times. Okay, like 1760s. I would go back to there like in some little seafaring town in the Iberian Peninsula.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
And then for the longest time, it was like lore and trivia in our little group of like, well, you know that they positioned him like that on purpose because it's representative of Well, and it's an allusion to it's an angel wing. It's like an angel wing because he has no soul because he's a vampire. You understand that, right? It became this thing. And I don't even know if that's real.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Okay, and here goes... But then again, I take that back because I would have been terrified and I probably would have been killed. And it probably would have smelled like shit. Another one I was about to say is 1890s London. Okay, I don't mean this one either, because the 1890s in London was like the Industrial Revolution, essentially. It smelled horrible. The working conditions were inhumane.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Child labor, coal miners, steam engine builders. It was the industrial revolution, okay? The industrial age had dawned on the Thames River. And it was filled with so many dead bodies and so much nasty runoff from all those new factories that would backfire. It was just... But then again... You want to talk about architecture. You want to talk about fashion.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
You want to talk about a society with customs. You know what I mean? A rigid society with customs. I think it would be insane to just be an observer. I'd be like, damn, y'all really had it like this. You know what I mean? I would have met Sherlock Holmes, okay? I would have convinced him somehow by my wit and charm and intelligence to bed me. I have his child. We create the next Elon Musk.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
He's a progressive. He takes over 1910s London, okay? Stay with me. We don't have a Victorian period. We have a Broski period. My great-great-grandmother Broski, Lady Broski, if you will, gave birth to my great-grandmother, And down the lineage, that's why my lips are so small, okay? So I just wanted to go into that background to explain to you guys why my forehead's so big and my lips are small.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
It's because of that. So it's just genetics. Anyways, back to this painting of the sacrificial lamb. If y'all have a chance, Google it today. It's called Agnes Day. A-G-N-U-S-D-E-I. And it is a simple still life, but not still at all. You know what I mean? This picture is filled to the brim with emotion, detail, and significance. So just go ahead and throw that out there.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Now we're going to go back to my initial Google search, which was the sacrificial lamb. What is the significance? I fear I've gone down a Wikipedia rabbit hole. Okay, I'm trying to get to the bottom of why lambs are the sacrificial animal of choice. And what I've been able to pin down is that it's just loosely tied to Abrahamic religions, which is Islam, Christianity, Judaism, right?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Those are all Abrahamic? The Abrahamic religions. Judaism, Christianity, Islam. I am the smartest person in this room. Okay, here's what I've landed on after that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
The Passover sacrifice, also known as the Paschal Lamb or the Passover Lamb, is the sacrifice that the Torah mandates the Israelites to ritually slaughter on the evening of Passover and eat lamb on the first night of the holiday with bitter herbs and matzo. Yum. You know, I'm trying, I'm looking more for like What is the significance of a lamb in particular? Was that just what they had around?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
They did it on purpose. I mean, I'm sure they did it on purpose just to get a good shot. But I don't know about all that. And let me tell you something else. In English class, when they used to make us annotate things and be like, why do you think the author did that? Like, what do you think the author's reasoning behind this was?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Is there some, you know, proposed purity and innocence because they're a white animal? Like, their wool is white? Like, what is the... I don't know. You know what I mean? I'm not really connecting the dots here. But what I did connect the dots to is wild goose chase to sacrificial lamb. So that should be applauded. And y'all should really be more willing to give me credit for what it is I do here.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Okay, because that was impressive. That was impressive. Did I connect the two? No, not really. But I would say that a sacrificial lamb is a surprise. Surprise! Me when I get a sacrificial lamb at my birthday party.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Okay. Topic generator. Excuse me, miss. Actually, you want to know what's been stuck in my head?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
random word generator, sip and colony. Okay, let's talk about this, how the Jamestown colony was what modern politicians would describe as a terrorist attack. Jamestown was a motherfucking terrorist attack on the native population that lived here. And I'll die on that hill. Jamestown and any of the Puritan settlers, the initial settlers, they brought disease, war, and destruction.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
And if that ain't the history of this nation, let me tell you something. What did I connect? Sip and colony. Um, sip. Um... Yeah, can't do it. Mountain and mass. Mountain and mass. Under the mountain, Sarah J. Mass. Next, vegetation and fluctuation. Here's what I wanna talk about when it comes to this one. Okay, vegetation and fluctuation.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
What does this mean that the author included this in reference to that? It was so deeply analytical, which I'm so glad because it works that muscle of how to think critically and, you know, try to connect dots that maybe other people can't, that sort of thing.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
vegetation, when I think of this word, a visual image pops into my head. And what I'm about to describe, I need you guys to stick with me because it's gonna be worth it, okay? There is a scene in the wonderfully acclaimed and well-known inbreeding series called City of Bones, which I'm gonna spoil it because the book came out 15 years ago. There are two lead characters, and their love interests.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
They're like, you know, strangers to lovers. They're brother and sister, okay? Because they were estranged. It's this whole like, they're about to be related. Oh, thank God they're not related. You find out later in the series they're not related. But I remember reading this book as probably like, I don't know, a 12, 13 year old and being scarred and horrified.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
I was like, I didn't realize this was a topic in fiction, in like young adult fiction. They're, we're doing incest right now? Hey, I'm 13. We're tackling some pretty heavy, like controversial topics. Go ahead and make them brother and sister. Thank you so much. And I'm waiting for the sequel. City of Bones, they made into a movie, okay? With Jamie Lee Curtis.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Jamie Lee Curtis and Emily in Paris okay and they were both in the movie and you know they're brother and sister not Jamie Lee Curtis Jamie Lynn Spears Jamie Lynn Bauer Jamie Campbell Bauer fuck off oh my god
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Okay, that was hard to say. Here's what, okay, let me finish my thought. In City of Bones the movie with Jamie Lynn Curtis, Jamie Lee Curtis, and Emily in Paris. They are, they are, oh my God, I'm so excited to actually talk about this right now because this used to be my special interest. They were what was called Nephilim, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
I remember thinking, girl, the author never probably would have imagined that we'd be sitting in a classroom dissecting their work word by word, word for word, breaking down usage, sentence structure, grammar. Like, I think if I ever wrote a book If someone studied it and it's not that deep, you know what I mean? I mean, it's deep. It's that deep.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Now Nephilim, if any of you guys are like science fiction, religious fiction, mythology sort of lovers, The Nephilim were half-breeds of angels and humans that, like, you know, were intimate. So they are the demigod children of that. So let me go ahead and fact-check that. Okay, let me put you onto this.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
The New American Bible commentary draws a parallel to the epistle of Jude and the statement set forth in Genesis, suggesting that the epistle refers implicitly to the paternity of Nephilim as heavenly beings who came to earth and had sexual intercourse with women. The footnotes of the Jerusalem Bible suggest that the biblical author intended the Nephilim to be an anecdote of a superhuman race.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Superhuman, in this context, refers to the extremity of their wickedness. Evidence cited in favor of the fallen angels interpretation includes the fact that the phrase, the sons of God, is used twice outside of Genesis 6. In the book of Job, where the phrase explicitly references angels.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Another modern view that aligns with the fallen angel interpretation includes Nephilim being the offspring of demon-possessed men and women. What? So anyway, Nephilim, right? And we're operating under this premise that it is half angel, half human. Not really an ethical connotation attached to it, though.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Like, the Nephilim weren't ever seen as good or bad, but the Nephilim were hidden from the average human. Then there's something called shadow hunters.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I'm chugging two liter Mountain Dews by the daily, my Stanley cup full of Mountain Dew. Big red, code red. Like the way that I just said that and I watched myself say it on this big screen in front of me. Okay, then you have your shadow hunters. Shut the fuck up. But like I was saying, shadow hunters hunt the Nephilim. And there were some books I read. There was a book I read called Fallen.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
And let me tell you something about this book. It is horny. Before I even know what horny books were, I had a moment in time where I was addicted to the idea of Nephilim. And, you know, there are a bunch of books about it. There's another one called... Girl, I'm off the edible.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
All right, maybe I made that fucking book up. It's on my shelf out there. Damn, damn. Anyway, let me get back to vegetation. City of Bones. City of Bones, Jamie Lee Curtis and Emily in Paris movie, okay? They're brother and sister. We don't know that yet, but it's not real, okay? They're in this greenhouse part. So basically, she's a shadow hunter. He draws runes on shit. He's weird.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Also is like the bad boy. His name is Jace. And she's like, why can I see you? Because it's that classic, like, you can see me, right? Because he's kind of paranormal. She's like, what are you talking about? You know, or classic like Percy Jackson, where she's like, this is a lost language. It's dead. No one can read it. And he goes, I can.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
But as far as like why I place certain words in the sentence versus sometimes it just sounds better. Sometimes it just sounds better. And sometimes I, you know, I don't know. I always think about that, like these insanely famous novelists. Was everything that intentional as school teachers would make us believe? Me questioning the deep state of teachers. What are they trying to get through?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Remember those fucking people at TikTok used to make those type of videos in 2020? Just like playing imaginary. They were playing on TikTok. which I used to do in my room and still do sometimes. Now, don't be too heavy on me right now because I used to do it. I just never filmed it, and that's for a good reason. Those people who would come on TikTok and be like,
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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POV, you're in English class and this happens. Or POV, you're in Greek class and this happens. And they'll put the Percy Jackson, Michael Jackson and the Lightning Thief. Okay, so, and when you do the videos, the POV videos, and then you put Tito Jackson and the Lightning Thief, soundtrack, ambient music, light fireplace, light rain, YouTube video, 4K, 12 hours. You put that on.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Could anyone throw me a fucking line here? Throw me a life jacket. I'm just, I completely just drowned in the bit. You watched that happen real time, right? I fully just drowned in the bit. That's crazy. I'm up here right now. I'm up here right now. Audio listeners, I'm holding my hands above my head. You want to know something I learned? This is how you do a, what is a releve?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
This is how you hold your fingers as a ballerina. Is you're supposed to be able, you put your, you put a pin like this. Other way. You hold a pin like this, okay? I'm holding it. My middle finger is on top and my two other fingers are under the pin. Okay, now imagine I'm curving my hand. This is how you're supposed to hold your fingers as a ballerina. Okay, I learned that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
And I believe a releve is that, this, but on your tippy toes. And you like bend your knees down. I think that's a releve. Who's to say? Maybe me. Let me look it up. A movement in which the dancer rises on the tips of the toes. I'm a genius. Okay, back to the Nephilim and City of Bones.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
There is a scene in this fucking movie where they're in a greenhouse in this like safe haven, you know, safe keep that they always go back to. What's that called when military people have like a hideout? Safe house. It's like their safe house. And they go in there and there's a big greenhouse and it's Jamie Lee Curtis's birthday, Jamie Campbell Bower's birthday. And they're in there.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
And I remember the soundtrack is fucking Demi Lovato. Poot Lovato singing on the soundtrack. And as soon as they kiss, because here's a spoiler alert, right? I reblogged this gif of them making out. So many times I was addicted to this scene and it's the most like unsteamy thing you've ever seen. They're just kissing like on a stairwell. And the, but the way he cups her neck is so fucking sensual.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Damn. I literally, it's so sensual. And he like tips her head. He tips her head up. Oh my God. I had to like clutch my pearls. I reblog that gif every day. Wake up 6 a.m., do my shitty makeup routine, which just involved putting on eyeliner and not plucking my eyebrows.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And then I do all day at school being a genius, learning about art history, which is not going to serve me in life except give me stuff to talk about on a podcast in the future in 15 years. Do schoolwork, and then after school, you do theater rehearsal for anywhere from three to six hours. I also worked a job. I worked at Baskin-Robbins. After theater rehearsal, I go home.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I'm supposed to do my homework after that. I go on Tumblr, and I fart around for four hours. I would go on Tumblr. I would be on Wattpad. I would be freaking my shit, doing my thing. And then literally around like 1130, 1145 p.m., I'd start my homework. I probably got two, three hours of sleep a night as a high schooler and I was fine.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
And now if I don't get, I haven't slept a full night in probably four years. I guess one of the supplements I take for my PCOS is like a diuretic and it makes me pee. It makes me pee every 45 seconds. Like I feel like I have to pee all the time and I pee a lot. I also drink a lot of water, but I pee all the time and it affects like I can't sleep eight hours uninterrupted.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
What's their goal? Teachers. I don't trust them. What's their goal? They're a ragtag crew. Not to be trusted. They're like pirates. Teachers. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, random word generator is what we're doing today because give me half a syllable of a word and I'll be like, it's funny you mentioned that because I was thinking about this the other day.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
in REM Ariana Grande sleep without getting up to pee. Like probably every three, four hours I get up. And it sucks too to be on an airplane, like a long haul flight. I'm up pissing every 30 minutes. It sucks. So I don't know what's going on there, but yeah, I would reblog that gif of them kissing a lot. Holy, okay, so I talked about it. I talked about the scene of them kissing.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
I already blogged it. I would, you know, reserve probably for a good like month there in high school, about an hour and a half after school and rehearsal would be reserved for looking at that GIF, thinking about that GIF, reading about that GIF. It was a lot. Let's do one more random word generator. My two words next are oh and ballet. Yeah. Let me rant about ballet. Yeah. I'll talk about ballet.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Fine. Don't yank on my little penis.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Sorry, that felt a little, that didn't feel right coming out of my mouth. You know what I mean? Didn't feel good at all for anyone involved. I don't think I'd like to apologize up front for saying dick. Well, dick's funny, but not like that. I didn't, you know. Where do you think yanking my chain comes from? Like, you gotta be yanking. Are you yanking my chain? Etymology is my passion.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Etymology is my passion. It's what I think about a lot. It's where my mind always goes. Don't go changing. You want to know my song of the week? It's from the Shrek 2 soundtrack. And it's I Need a Hero. And it's not the fairy godmother version. It's
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
We go to work for one half hour, two half hour. Have cigarette for lunch. Have watermelon Red Bull for lunch. Perhaps have premier protein shake, cafe latte for lunch. For dinner, have cigarette and wine. Hey guys, welcome back to the podcast. No other podcasts are allowed at Broski Nation, only this one. Welcome back, Broski Nation.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
The How to Train Your Dragon soundtrack. The, what movie did I just say?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
This is something that is completely unrelated, but I do feel the need to bring up, okay? I had the most beautiful little moment with myself last night. I was laying in bed and I was reflecting. As I do, if you'll allow it, I was reflecting on some past romantic experiences I've had that ultimately were a failure and borderline ruined me, okay? Did I recover? Absolutely, I did.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Because fuck you guys. You fuck on me, fuck on you. If you fuck on me, fuck you. So like, I was reflecting and I was... being kind to myself, right? I was like, the more I have these experiences as painful and distracting and annoying as they are, it's necessary to redirect me where I need to go. You know what I mean?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
I mean, genuinely, I watch these back sometimes and I'm like, how the ever living fuck did I connect point A to point Z to point Z? What's Zedd's biggest song? That one with Ariana Grande? Yeah, Break Free. I'm a freaking genius. I'm a freaking genius. What else do they have?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Like the more I interact with these fucking weirdos, weirdos, the more I interact with these weirdos, it's like, you could never make me happy. You could never make me happy. I used to be the opposite of that, of like, it's something wrong with me. I can't make him happy. Like, I guess I'm just not, you know, I'm broken. I'm damaged goods. I'm too big. You know, I'm too loud.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
I'm too, I'll make myself smaller. Yeah, sure. I've been that girl. And now I'm on the completely opposite side of like listening to yourself and your desires before you ever even think about his. Because he sure as fuck isn't thinking about yours. So why, you know what I mean?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
So I've completely switched my thinking quicker this time, albeit it took a few weeks with this last fucking situationship. But I realized, you know, like I, you could never make me happy. And it's a nice thing to flip that conversation and position back on them. You know, because it's not all about you, dude. You're not the only person in this relationship.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
And I'll bend over backwards to try to get you what you need. But if you're not a serious person, Don't fucking leave me alone. You are wasting my time. You don't know what you want and it sure as hell in me. So get like, leave me alone. That's been the last two I've dealt with. And it's also this, you know, I have to think about this now of like, why, why do you want to be with me?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Do you like the access I give you? Do you like the privileges of, you know, being around? So I think genuinely that it's an ego boost for them. I think that the men that historically I've talked to are impressed by my wit and they want to see if they can hold their own with me. It is completely a ritual and a practice and like, you know, ego boosting and navel gazing and everything. Comparison.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
I'm funnier than her. I bet I'm just as funny as her. And when they talk to me, they get a rush of adrenaline. It's sick. I talk to Caleb and Drew about this all the time. I'm like, these motherfuckers cannot be trusted. And do you really like me for me? You know, it's gross.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Like the last two that I've talked to, it's like, it's very actually evident to me right now that you want something from me. And it's gross. You try not to look at it like that. You try not to think that about someone, but endlessly it's true. So, I mean, I've met probably like three exceptions in my life. Drew's fiance is one of them where it's like, you get it. We're on the same page.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
I don't feel the need to justify my existence or my being in this room to you, you know? I have nothing to offer you other than my company. And it's, you know what I mean? It's great. So I'm not saying that they don't exist. I'm saying that it is a rarity. And for that reason, when I make sweeping generalizations like that, of like endlessly, they're always going to be like that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
They're always the same. It's me being cynical, but at the same time, that's my lived experience. And that doesn't make it absolute. My old therapist used to tell me that. I speak in absolutes, which is true. And it's euphemistic, but it's also kind of negative. She said, don't speak in absolutes so much. And so when I'm making general generalizations...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
That most men I have spoken to or have interacted with in a romantic sense did not respect me. Obviously, it goes without saying. But also, I think, knew they couldn't keep up. And they sort of quit while they were ahead.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
It's embarrassing, too, when you are with someone who, and Drew reminds me of this a lot, of the things I liked in that person were just a reflection of the qualities I already have. You know, what I like in them, I already have in myself. So they have nothing to offer me because I'm essentially looking into a mirror when I hang out with them because they're just mimicking me.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
And historically, I would have, you know, dwindled myself and molded myself to fit them. They didn't want me. They didn't ask me to do that, you know. It's just like I'll never do it again. But it's a strange thing to notice that. Like this last person I was hanging out with, I was like, you're turning into me. And then the one before that was copying me. It's crazy.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
These men are fucking crazy, y'all. I'm not joking. I'd rather die alone. I would rather die alone. I made a vow to myself halfway through last year. I will never let another man into my house that I pay for. If you are not gay or related to me, get the fuck off my porch. I don't want to see you. I don't want to see you. Like, there's no reason a man should ever come to your house.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
You have a man coming over to what, murder you? Why the fuck would you need a man in your house? Like, that's crazy, actually. I don't know, dude. I just, this last one really left such a sour, gross taste in my mouth. And the way it ended was so childish. Not on my behalf. And it's like, y'all want to be grown so bad. You want to be grown and talk to beautiful, charming, successful women.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
And then you shit in your fucking pants when they're like, okay, I'll give you my attention now that you're begging for it. Here's my attention. And then they shit their pants and then they leave. Fucking good riddance. I don't want, I would rather be alone. I also don't have to, you know, I'm in this phase of life where I talk about this. I don't want to have kids.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
I don't want to do anything that isn't this. I don't want anything that would tie me down to anything. I don't want to have to consider anyone else's schedule and opinions before my own. I don't want to have to accommodate and compromise and do this and pay for this. I'd rather be alone. Like, I realized that pretty quickly. I would love, sure, to find someone, but I like my stuff very particular.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
You know what I mean? Like, the candles I want to burn, and if I want to leave dishes in the sink, I'm going to do that. But at the same time, the house needs to be generally clean and picked up. You know, it's little things like that. Like, I leave my toothbrush and toothpaste, like, on the counter. Are you someone that's like, dang, that can't be, I don't know. I don't know.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
And I don't want to have to think about it. And I don't want to have to share my space. So my message being, I'm totally fine being alone. And I can finally say that and mean it. Like, I mean it. I am fine if I'm alone. I like being alone. I like my me time. Cause I get to recharge and I get to do the things I want to do. If I want to read my Kindle for eight hours straight, I'm going to do that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
You will have to rip me away from my room and my living room couches. But I start biting him. I don't want to leave my house. I love my house. I love being alone in my house. Get out of here. Why are you here? Anyway, yeah, man, that's how I feel. Like right now in my life, because I lived with a man for about a month. Over the summer. Y'all don't know the lore. Y'all don't know my lore.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Yeah, I lived with a man for like a month. That shit was weird. Like, ew, you don't wash your hands after you pee. Y'all are so gross. And it's the mindless shit, too. Like, just leaving things everywhere. Not wiping the counter if it's wet. If you spilled something, leaving it. It's like, are you... So I'm getting stressed out, worked up about a relationship I'm not in.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
So that'll do it for me this week, guys. I love you guys. Y'all be good. Go listen to that song. Go listen to Shrek 2 soundtrack. Please, for the love of God, the Shrek 2 soundtrack. Let me tell you something, too. This is not going to be the last time I mention Shrek 2 in the weeks to come, in the months to come, years to come.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Shrek 2 is an evergreen topic that I will continue to sing its praises. Thank you, Lord. Hallelujah. Okay, y'all. We'll see you next week. If you want a Broski Report hoodie, go to broski.shop. You want a Momo slipper, it's broski.shop. Thank you, guys. Royal Court comes out pretty much every week. So go check that show out, okay? It's a cute little indie girl.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
You're mad. You're mad that I just killed that. Zed, if you're... Is he the one that died? No, Zed didn't die. Zed, if you're looking for a live, if Bebe Rexha... Who sings this? Who sings Clarity? Who sings, if our love is Clarity, why are you my Clarity? Who sings, if our love's Clarity, why is your love Clarity? Who sings it? Who says it's going down, I'm yelling timber.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
She directs it and she stars in it and she writes it. It's, you know, it's like an indie little project. So go check out Royal Court. And then... Everyone leave a comment under this video that says... Fuck that, I forgot what I was saying, but Andor season two comes out this year, I'm pretty sure. Um, lock in.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
If y'all haven't seen Andor season one, go watch it right now and listen to the Shrek 2 soundtrack now. Okay, love you guys. Bye.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
You better timber, you better timber. Who the fuck? Kesha, Kesha was so important to me in 2009. Kesha was so, there wasn't a more famous person on the planet to me in 2009. Actually, I'm lying. Justin Bieber existed. It was Justin Bieber and Kesha. And let me tell you something about the song Maria by Justin Bieber. Hold on. Hold on. Let me tell you something about Maria by Justin Bieber.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
That song, y'all sleep on that. I had to get up. Y'all sleep on that song in a way that pisses me off.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
That song is so good. The ad libs that that motherfucker does at the end of that song chills down my spine every time I hear it. That song's about him not being a baby daddy. That is so, yeah, the intro of that song's like, Justin Bieber, Justin Bieber, like all these news headlines. God, that era was psycho. That was when he got his little earring done. Yeah, I love Justin Bieber.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
God, the ad-libs at the end he does. I genuinely, I cannot tell you enough how good that song is. And then he did a song with Travis Scott called Maria I'm Drunk. It's called a self-reference. It's called a callback. Anyway, back to Zed. That'd be my clarity and my clarity. A to Zed. I could connect anything to Zed. Let's do some word generators. Number of words, three. Word type, what?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Word type, all. Oh, nouns, verbs, adjectives. Did you see that Drewski clip where he's doing could have been records and he asks one of the people who are auditioning what their adjectives are? He said, you don't want me asking, what are your adjectives? Drewski is so funny, it makes me sick. Okay. Word size by syllables, letters. No, that's not it. Okay. Generate random words.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Put competence strap. Okay. Well, there's a lesbian joke in there somewhere and I'm not the one to make it. Okay. Pat. Let me just do one word. Actually, I just got overstimulated real, real quick. Inspiration. Stupid word. Thesis. Thesis. Did you know, because yes, you should, I've talked about it before, El Malquerer by Rosalía, her sophomore album, is her collegiate thesis project.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
It was her final project in her degree, was the, I guess, storytelling narrative nature of the album. how each song is a capitulo, which is a chapter, and it tells the story of an abusive relationship and how she got out. And it's based loosely on old folklore tales, or like a fable that she sort of reimagined. So that is thesis to Rosalia, if you will. And I do miss her. I miss Rosalia bad.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
For reference, before this episode even begins, I'm filming this before Trump's inauguration, so whatever the fuck bullshit went down, future me. probably will have some takes on it, okay? But not me right now. This is me as of Sunday, January 19th. And I'm sorry about that, y'all. It's kind of a way. I'm in Paris right now. If you're watching this right now, I'm in Paris right now, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Actually, she's on my mind today. I'm wearing my Motomami hoodie.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Okay, I'm gonna do two words and I'm gonna connect them. Depend and speculate. These suck.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
I make the rules here. Artificial chest. Well, naturally, that's going to be sort of like a breast augmentation. Artificial chest could also be, here's something that is true, is that if you get your boobs done, if you get your lips done, if you get your whatever, that is gender affirming care. So that's something to sit with and think about. Chase and surprise. Chase and surprise.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Why do they call it a wild goose chase? I guess that would be a surprise. Why is it called a wild goose chase? Aren't geese mean as fuck? The idiom wild goose chase comes from a 16th century horse race where riders followed a leader in a formation similar to wild geese flying. That felt like the sentence would never end. That felt like an impossible sentence to finish.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Did that not feel like six minutes of me saying that sentence? Am I fucking tweaking? That was the longest string of words I've ever put together.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
I mean, I've never been more focused in my goddamn life than reading that sentence. Shit. I saw a video of someone making a chicken salad wrap the other day and he put hot honey on it. And out loud in my bedroom, I said, shit. Shit. Like it looks good. Damn. Damn. Hot honey on a chicken salad? I bet that is delicious. You know what I've been getting into recently? Dill pickle potato salad.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Dill pickle potato salad. Dill pickle potato salad is... Dill pickle potato salad is, I think what they say, goaded with the riz. dill pickle potato salad is all that I really need to eat. My diet, I don't know about you guys, my diet specifically is sort of the whole triangle pyramid is dill pickle potato salad. And have y'all ever had what's called a, oh, what the hell is that called?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Paris, France, that is to say. Not Paris, Texas, which is also a real place. I met you at the blood bank. Right? Doesn't Bon Iver have a song called Paris, Texas? Or is that... Well, I met you at the... God, I used to sob my fucking eyes out to Bon Iver. Are you serious? That Twilight soundtrack gave me a personality when I was like 13. Shit.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
bareback hey i'm jesus christ i'm sorry about that that's a pretty visceral thing i came up with there bareback shot trying to order an angel shot at the bar and ordering a bareback shot by accident yeah do you guys do bareback shots they're like what the fuck sex freak Get out of here, sex freak! That's me to all the Call of Duty cosplayers still on my For You page. That era is long behind me.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
It's behind me. I don't look back. I look to the future. I do not look back. I do not answer for past versions of Britney. Especially horny, yearning Britney. Forgive her her trespasses, for she knows not that she has sinned. Would you not forgive the little lamb before Jesus? Why is Jesus always talked about with a lamb? Did Jesus have a lamb? Did Jesus have a lamb?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
He's referred to as the lamb of God. What, like follower? Oh. The sacrifices of lambs in the Old Testament foreshadowed Jesus' sacrifice? Now, see, again, back with my English class shit. We as Christians, how are you going to interpret the Bible, annotate the Bible, write an essay on the Bible about something? You're just kind of guessing.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Well, I guess not, because the New Testament's kind of, that's the whole thing. But foreshadowing? Maybe they just used to be pagan, and they would sacrifice animals. Maybe that's just it. It's foreshadowing so as to predict what the, I don't know, dude. The Bible is the craziest like piece of media ever. Like it's the most sold book ever. Yeah, I get that. Like, cause it's kind of tea.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
so much goes down you need to catch up on like seasons one through ten before you can even enter into a conversation with someone who's like a real bible girl you know like you'd be like oh yeah here are my opinions on the bible and they're a bible reader forget it forget it dude you talk to a bible thumber about the bible forget that i don't know i i did not can i admit something
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Can I admit something? There are some books in the Bible that I actually really enjoyed. Okay? The book of Job is motherfucking tea. It's like, it takes you on all the emotions. Genesis is an acid trip. Revelations is an acid trip gone bad. I mean, it's just psychotic. The imagination. We don't need phones to stimulate us.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
The Bible and the stories in the Bible are enough to be like, what is going on in the human psyche? You know what I mean? I guess they're supposed to be firsthand accounts, right? What if they, what if it's like Aesop's Fables? What if the Bible is a missing Aesop's Fables volume? You know how all the Goosebumps books used to be like in a series? What if that's just one?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Like the Bible was just part of all of Aesop's Fables. And someone was like running through the castle trying to loot it. And they like stole only that portion. And it's the Bible that we know today. And they're like, oh shit, I left the others behind. Think about it all the time. Christians were persecuted for a long time.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Who's to say that some more important texts weren't burned or lost or destroyed on purpose? We talked about this in one of the other episodes where you guys called me a, and I quote, fucking idiot because I did not realize it didn't click for me that Jesus was alive during the Roman times. Okay, which when you think about it, makes total sense. I just didn't connect them.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
81: I’d Rather Die Alone
Because I've always thought of Jesus as a holy timeline that did not exist here on earth. Forgive me, pardon me, my Christian biases. Unlearning is a continuous process, okay? So when we were talking about that, you know, if you're living under the Roman Empire, who controls the flow of information and news and whatever, like everyone's essentially living under slavery, you submit or you die.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
95: Broski Nation Special Ops
BBC Two, factual programs are at the heart of BBC Two, including arts, history, science, and human interest documentaries. I like that. So that's probably going to be like David Attenborough and all that sort of stuff. BBC Three is never afraid to try new things, broadcasting, comedy, entertainment, and docs.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
95: Broski Nation Special Ops
BBC Four provides an ambitious range of innovative, high-quality programming that is intellectually and culturally enriching, taking an expert and in-depth approach to a wide range of subjects. Now, very, very interesting. You've also got CBBC. It's for kids. CBeebies. That's for, that's what is sounding like cocomelon. BBC News, and then BBC Parliament.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
95: Broski Nation Special Ops
Let me get out my bartender manual. No, you can't have it. Do you want beer or wine?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
95: Broski Nation Special Ops
Did I tell y'all about when I went to Parliament? That shit's crazy. We went to the House of Lords and the House of Commons. Shit is nuts, and it gets hot in there. I wonder if they're cranking that AC in the summertime. Yeah, Parliament was nuts, dude. Me and Stanley were walking around like, what the hell's going on in here?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
95: Broski Nation Special Ops
Okay, the network radio BBC One is... We broadcast a distinctive mix of new music and entertainment for 15 to 29-year-olds, plus news documentaries and advice for young adults. Interesting, so they're targeting the younger demographic. Got it. BBC Radio One Extra is a digital station that plays contemporary hip-hop and R&B with a strong emphasis on new and live music.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
95: Broski Nation Special Ops
The digital station blends the best black music with entertainment, documentaries, and news for 15 to 24-year-olds. Cool. BBC Radio 2, 13 million of you listen to us broadcast a distinctive mix of music and speech programs covering a mix of live pop and rock concerts, comedy, documentaries, religious output, crazy, as well as running social action campaigns.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
95: Broski Nation Special Ops
BBC Radio 3 is arts and cultural broadcasting. Damn, there's so many. I guess that kind of answered my question. I don't know where this show lives because I watched it on YouTube because it's with a MGM Plus subscription. I'm so deep in the throes of this Jack O'Connell shit, man. I was like, whatever, $4.99, fuck it, sure. $4.99, I'd have paid $19.99. I don't give a fuck.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
95: Broski Nation Special Ops
I'm watching this show one way or another. I'm going to get a damn VPN, watch this shit on BBC itself. That's how I used to watch Love Island. Before it would come out in the US, I'd watch it on a VPN. Don't tell anyone. Don't tell anyone. And if I did, no, I did not. Okay, so that's SAS Rogue Heroes. Been loving that. I have been loving that. I finished it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
95: Broski Nation Special Ops
However, here's one note that I'll give if you're taking notes. For me to watch a war show, I think it has to... Coe that line of is this majority like respectful and is the storytelling nature of it dominating any glorification that could be happening? Are you with me?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
95: Broski Nation Special Ops
If a war show or war movie too heavily glorifies the art of war or romanticizes this idea, it's such a, only men, only men could create war. War is such a distinctly male thing. Women would never invent war. Anyway. I think that if there was one note that I had with this show is that at times it felt like it was glorifying it a little bit.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
95: Broski Nation Special Ops
Just being mean to first class. Can I get you any beverages before we take off? Yeah, just like a whiskey on the rocks. What the fuck? Whiskey on the rocks. Sure, what else? What else?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
95: Broski Nation Special Ops
You know, these crazy sequences of shit blowing up or them doing this, whatever, then ACDC starts to play in the background. It's like, okay, guys, sure. Sure, I guess. And there are things, I mean, you really root for these characters, these small wins that they get because they're just little fish in a big pond of soldiers, you know? And when they get a win or...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
95: Broski Nation Special Ops
When they're recognized or when they get promoted or when they all this, it's like you really feel it. When there's loss, you really feel it. So that's my one concession that I'll give, I guess, is that when it started to feel like, okay, this is glorifying, it was...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
95: Broski Nation Special Ops
this very delicate balance of such horrible shit has happened to not only these individuals, but to the allied forces as a whole and the civilians as a whole, right? Like that's what we're talking about here is like there's nothing to glorify because war in everything that it encompasses is horrific. It is horrific and avoidable.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
95: Broski Nation Special Ops
But within this microcosm of, you know, the daily life of an allied forces soldier, in 1944, like you take it hour by hour, you take it day by day. And those are, you know, in the context of this storytelling, I understand some of the choices made creatively, even though large scale, it's like, all right, guys, why are we really glorifying this? I digress.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
95: Broski Nation Special Ops
In the realm of war, I would also like to move on to something else, something very, very important to me. This episode is sponsored by Cash App. Have you ever accidentally sent money to the wrong person or sent too much money to the right person and had no way to get it back and cried and sat in silence out of frustration? Because I am speaking from personal experience.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
95: Broski Nation Special Ops
Well, using Cash App is a completely different experience. Cash App is a safe, easy, and fast way to send, receive, and transfer money to family and friends. It's an instant setup. Just enter your phone or email, no bank account needed, and no waiting. I've been to some flea markets and farmer's markets before where I have forgotten my wallet, and luckily they took Cash App.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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saved me from embarrassment and the walk of shame away from that DIY crochet animal booth, okay? Cash App is secure, safe, and has your back. If you're about to send money to a sketchy account, a scam warning pops up. The anxiety of money transfers be gone. It's also easy to personalize payments for record keeping or as inside jokes with your friends and family.
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Good evening and welcome to Flight 225, service to Vatican City. We'd like to thank you for flying Broski Air. As we welcome you on board, today's journey to Vatican City will be 13 hours and 42 minutes. Please remember only one bathroom break per guest, so make it count. Any subsequent trips will be charged to the card on file.
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I like to cash app request my siblings for normal things like food or coffee, but with the caption, butt wipes and diarrhea medicine, because that's hilarious. I love using Cash App because it's fast, it's safe, and it just makes my life way less stressful. And for a limited time only, new Cash App users can use my exclusive code to earn some additional cash. For real, there's no catch.
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Just download Cash App and sign up. Use my exclusive referral code, Borowski, in your profile, send $5 to a friend within 14 days, and you'll get $10 dropped right into your account. Terms apply. That's money. That's Cash App. This episode is sponsored by ZocDoc. When was the last time you needed to go to a doctor but you pushed it off?
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Maybe you made the excuse, I'm too busy, I can't find my insurance card, or I'll just consult TikTok. I think we've all been there. Booking a doctor appointment can feel so daunting. But thanks to ZocDoc, there's no reason to delay. They make it so easy to find and book a doctor who's right for you.
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Diet Coke Sprite, what do you want? There is something to be said about there not being rules at an airport. If you want a whiskey at 8 a.m., sir, that's all you, okay? Coming right up. Just don't ask me to make it. I one time went to Vegas to see the Rolling Stones and we were, God, our flight was at like 8 p.m. leaving Vegas. And yeah, I was drunk on the flight.
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Appointments made through ZocDoc also happen fast, typically within just 24 to 72 hours of booking. You can even score same-day appointments. As we all know, I use ZocDoc to find my dermatologist, and with this summer looming, I need to get some moles checked out. I'll be honest with you, team, before I spend any more time in the sun. TMI, but hey, look, it's important.
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Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash broski to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C.com slash broski. ZocDoc.com slash broski. I saw good night and good luck. George Clooney's Broadway debut.
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As I've spoken about, as most of you know, my family and my best friend know more than anything, there were a certain collection of movies when I was in high school that really shaped who and what I am today, why I behave the way I do, why I speak the way I do, why my sense of humor is the way that it is. First and foremost, my father contributes to that. If nothing else, I am Jeffrey Jr.
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My dad's name is Jeffrey. Second of all, the Rolodex of movies are as follows. Ocean's Eleven, Born Identity, Sherlock Holmes, Robert Downey Jr. version, Pirates of the Caribbean. Movies like Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Star Wars. A lot of these movies involve George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Robert Downey Jr., Johnny Depp. For some reason, me as a high schooler, I was like, that is who I am.
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I think I might be George Clooney. It's just this wicked wit that is... They're pranksters, but at the core of it, very, very smart. George Clooney, to me, has always been... sort of the pinnacle of that. It's not necessarily the movies he's been in. I mean, it is the movies he's been in and the TV shows, but I don't think that's what makes him the star that he is.
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I think it's just his being, his aura. It's his aura that makes him the star that he is. And so when I saw he was doing Good Night and Good Luck, which I love that movie, Edward Murrow. I mean, I've talked about it before on here, like McCarthyism and the whole fear-mongering of that era and how it relates to today and whatever. I think I've spoken about it in some of my art history videos too.
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That's always intrigued me, that period, post-war, right? We're talking mid-50s. We're not even 10 years out from World War II. And what type of society is left? There's a vacuum. right? There is a vacuum and there's a lot of fear. There's a lot of relief. There's a lot of complicated, complex emotions swirling in the American public, specifically the American public is what I'm limiting this to.
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Good night and good luck. For those who have not seen the movie, if you are, you know, you should definitely go watch it. Like, pause this, go watch it, come back. But for those who have no plans to watch it, I'll give you a short little summary. Good night and good luck was the famous sign-off of Edward Murrow, who was a reporter, newscaster in the 50s for CBS.
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He became very famous for his wartime reports from London, I think with the BBC, for World War II, you know, how the Allied forces were progressing. updates on the Axis powers. This was an international broadcast. And so he kind of rose to acclaim because of people's familiarity with him and almost trust in him during such an uncertain time. Edward Murrow became...
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a figure that a lot of people looked to for integrity within the media. And that's what the movie centers on. It's this sort of three-act structure of Edward Murrow's, what comes to be a personal beef with Senator McCarthy, because McCarthy's whole thing was rooting out the communists, right? Your neighbor might be a communist. You might be a communist. Your wife, this, that, the other.
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It was to turn us against each other. in a time where we should have been unified and it's a power play and it's to propel his name forward and it's to create unrest and to create fear so that one of the only people who can alleviate that fear is him or his party, fucking whatever. So Edward Murrow on CBS makes this bold choice to call out McCarthy and what he's doing and how it's just not right.
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And so it starts with one case that turns into him kind of, you know, just pointing the finger at McCarthy saying this isn't right. And this situation is not right. And the minute that the media starts cowering to the powers that be in fear of losing their job, in fear of X, Y, Z, that's when we have a problem. And I actually wrote down, a quote from the play that I was just like, damn!
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Yeah, because we got drunk as shit in the airport. You would think I live in an airport hangar. Like with the amount of planes that fly over my head at any given, the choppers that fly over this house, the window shake. I mean, it's every 45 minutes. Los Angeles, Los Angeles, LA, LA, baby.
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And of course, I'll continue explaining the plot and the storyline, but the reason that bringing a script or a story like Good Night and Good Luck to Broadway in a time like this, like in 2025, it is so timely and it is so correct.
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And it is so just on the nose of what Edward Murrow represented, which is fearlessness in the face of a fear mongerer is just an energy that needs to be just handed out to everyone that's willing to listen. And I literally, I left this play being like, God, change is now, you know what I mean? Like just inspired. Here's one of the quotes that I wrote down.
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We have a built-in allergy to unpleasant or disturbing information. Our mass media reflect this. TV in the main is being used to distract, delude, amuse, and insulate us. Have I not spoken about that ad nauseum on this podcast about how TikTok is a necessary evil it feels like? Like it's a way that we connect with each other and we have information and it is truly democratic.
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And this whole TikTok ban and all this of just like... brain rot and doom scrolling. And it's no longer this tool, arguably if it ever was, to just connect on a human level with people. It's now turned into this tool to either numb yourself or to just inundate yourself with things that do not help. Distract, delude, amuse, and insulate us.
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The line between investigating and persecuting is a very fine one, which Senator McCarthy has overstepped repeatedly. Dissent does not mean disloyalty. Accusation does not equal proof. Are you out of your fucking mind? By the way, good night and good luck. The play is just the movie script. It's just the movie script adapted for the theater.
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So if you can't make it to Broadway, which the barrier to entry on Broadway or any live art right now is just don't even get me started. I think I ranted about it when I was talking about ballet, how that is such a crime. I'll get pissed off. Don't get me started on it. I was lucky enough to be able to afford tickets to go see this fucking show. And it was amazing.
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But luckily, if you cannot go see it, it is the exact script of the movie. But this time, instead of playing, I think his name is Fred Friendly, George Clooney doesn't play him. He plays Edward Murrow in the play. So... It's the same three-act structure, and by that I mean Murrow calling out McCarthy, McCarthy's response, which in true Trump fashion...
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doesn't really address any of the things that Moreau says. He goes straight for his character. Well, did you know he was a part of this, you know, workers union? Did you know that he himself is a communist? Yes, it's true. He's been a communist since the 30s, but you never hear about that. You never talk about that. Okay.
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So he does his whole thing, which of course, so much of the, the draw and the pull of a character like McCarthy is how eloquent he is. How, how his words are so slippery and they're so smooth that you just, I mean, it's easy to believe him, right? Unless you apply a critical thinking treatment on the situation where it's like, well, hold on.
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He didn't address any, any of the things that Merle brought up. So is that not like a, why didn't you? Is it because he's right? Is it because you don't know what you're talking about? Is it because you know you'll lose? So that's act two. Act three is Murrow's response again, where he eats the fuck down. He eats him up.
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And the whole movie slash play is sandwiched in between at the very beginning and the very end is the beginning and end of an acceptance speech that Murrow is giving at this, I guess it's like TV presenters and American media, whatever. And he's accepting an award for being fearless, so to speak. And I believe it's in 1958.
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And that's when he gives this incredible monologue, this incredible, well-written speech talking about the dangers of censorship and the dangers of if media is no longer used as a tool to serve the people. You know, if it's used as a tool to exploit, to distract people. to numb, to insulate, you know, like then we are, it no longer becomes this incredible tool. It's just wires in a box.
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And what a shame. It is such a well-done story and it honors someone who was so incredibly important to the history of media and news reporting. And I think he's just incredible. There's been a string of I guess just super famous actors that I personally love that have been on Broadway. I saw, it started with RDJ. I saw RDJ and McNeil on Broadway.
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I saw Paul Meskel in London in Streetcar Named Desire, George Clooney in Good Night and Good Luck, which is so, I cannot believe.
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Danny Ocean. Freaking the hell out. I got merch. I got a mug and I got a magnet. If there's a merch stand, you're going to have to pry me away by my cold, dead hands. I love a merch stand. A merch stand hates to see me coming. Okay, all roads lead back to Jack O'Connell. Let's go back to Jack O'Connell. I watched Lady Chatterley's Lover.
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What the actual, what the actual fuck is wrong with you guys?
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Lady Chatterley's Lover? A movie centered around female pleasure? Lead star, lead starring man, Jack O'Connell? You bitches hate me. Y'all hate me. I almost watched that on a plane. I almost watched it on a plane. And I think I was talking about it on something, on TikTok stories. By the way, my new favorite thing is to take an edible and post my favorite TikToks on TikTok stories. Okay, so...
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Caution, president at work. There has been an occasion where I've gotten a little drunk at an airport, but I've never missed a flight from being drunk. I've missed a flight from being hungover. Yes, yes, say that, but never from being drunk. Okay, guys, what are we talking about today? If you guessed World War II, you're right!
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Go check that out. Not on Lost My Marbles again. Do that one. And I'll do it just, I don't know what you need to do, but I really enjoyed that the other day. And I wish I could read comments on TikTok stories because I was like, hey guys, starting segment one of this new series I'm calling TikToks that I laughed at while I was on the edible. Enjoy. And then I posted like six TikToks back to back.
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I don't know if any of them were funny, but they had made me giggle. So I reposted them. So that's something I'm doing. Next time I'm going to do TikToks that made me horny and I'm going to post those on my TikTok stories. And then if you, and you guys are unfollowing me, why? Okay, well, I told you I was going to do it. Why are you unfollowing me?
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No, no, because I said, 32 Jack O'Connell edits in a row, but it was literally, but did you watch it?
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Great movie. And I love something that is a period piece like that. That is so like, yeah, break the social norms. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Get yours, queen. Get yours. And he better give it to her. Yup, yup, yup. Wow. I think that's why Bridgerton is so fucking teased because it's like, yes, do it. Do it. Just do it. I love that. Also, Emma Corrin, slay.
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I had no idea that she was, she played Lady Di in The Crown. The Crane. That was my best Belfast. Crane. Card. The tallest tar. Thoughts on that? The Irish accent has not gotten better. I'm trying my damnedest. It's hard. It's hard. It's hard. All right. So I watched Lady Chatterley's Lover alone in my hotel room. Amen. Hallelujah. And then I watched Godless. Okay.
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Now he doesn't fucking talk for the first two episodes. I'm pissed off. But I do like to see him in sort of Western gear. I like that. I like that a lot. He doesn't talk for the first two episodes. And Jeff Daniels is in this show. And I like him. Okay. That's my guy. And Dumb and Dumber, one of my favorite movies ever. And he's scary as fuck in this show. He's so scary.
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Also, it's a limited series. And I'm wondering, like, what's the gag? What's the rug pull? Because right now it just feels like a Western. And I don't really love Westerns. I find them to be repetitive and... overly violent with no payoff. If you're going to be that violent in a context like Game of Thrones, okay, yeah, I'm there. I'm with you, right? Because I'm like, oh, it's war. It's violence.
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It's dragons. It's for the throne. It's this and that. Just Westerns just killing each other because you accidentally bumped elbows with my wife and now we're going to pistol draw out in the street and kill civilians and each other. Stupid as fuck. Again, only men, only men could create a society like that. Anyway, selfish bastards. I'm not loving the... Maybe I just don't like Westerns.
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Jack O'Connell, I'm gonna keep watching because I love him. I'm gonna keep watching. But it is not my favorite piece that I have seen from him. I would say, honestly, what I enjoyed the most... SAS Rogue Heroes. I love that TV show. I watched another Jack O'Connor movie called Startup, in which he is a 19-year-old jailbird. And there's a lot of commentary to be had about this role, right?
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Let me go ahead and get comfortable. This movie is about... A complicated dynamic between a father and a son, a father who has been in jail for a long time. And, you know, the inevitable, damaging, tragic effects that that has on your familial relations.
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In his dad's prison cell, he has a little drawing that this 19-year-old shithead that Jack O'Connell plays, a little drawing that he made that says, I love my daddy. And it's like stick figures and it's whatever. And now, you know, that's this young, sweet, innocent boy who did not know that his father was this convict.
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It's another World War II episode. Sorry. Sorry. Actually, I'm not fucking sorry because I'm coming to terms with the fact that it's a special interest. And that's fine. It's not a special interest more so as it keeps coming up. Because, yeah, it does. We are living through a highly tumultuous and scary political climate right now. When you start to see history repeat itself,
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Now, 19 years old, replicating the cycle, repeating the pattern, and look where it landed him. At least he's with his dad now. And now there's this complicated dynamic within the prison of his dad's trying to, like, protect him. Hey, not the environment, right? Because that makes you look in this again. Men!
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in this horrific social construct that only men could create, if your dad protects you, it makes you look like a pussy. It makes you look weak, right? What the fuck ever. And so he's acting out Jack's character goes into this therapy group session, which is really beneficial, really helpful. Reminded me a little bit of Sing Sing, but Sing Sing obviously is so much more. I just, wow.
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Sing Sing was a movie that changed me. Truly like changed how I thought about things. It tried to have an element of that. tender nature that a supervisor or a guidance counselor, quote unquote, tries to foster with these inmates of it's a safe space to be soft and To experience emotions and process those emotions with, quite honestly, the best people in the world to understand and to sympathize.
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And they try to do that, but, you know, ultimately it's not successful and the ending is kind of sad. And it's just a commentary on that culture of... I guess how prison is cyclical and how it preys on youth, like Jack's character, and families, like Jack's character's family, and intergenerational trauma. I would say that's the top line of the movie.
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And he's a little shithead in this movie! I watched Startup. What the fuck else did I watch? I've watched so many Jack O'Connell movies. Next I'm going to do, oh, he's in this movie that Angelina Jolie directed called Unbroken. Oh, girl. I can't watch it. I can't watch it. It's another war movie, but it's like a prisoner of war movie. I can't. I saw a clip of it and I was like, yeah, I
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I don't know if I'm going to sit through that. Because it's hard to watch. It's hard to watch. And maybe one day I'll get around to it. I just, I don't know. It's tough. Right now, I'm good with Lady Chatterley's Lover. I'll just keep rewatching that one. Thank you so much. This episode is sponsored by Hungry Root. I'm always running around like a chicken with its head cut off.
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And the last thing I want to do when I get home is go grocery shopping. That's why I use Hungry Root. Hungry Root is like having your own personal shopper and nutritionist all wrapped into one. They take care of the weekly grocery shopping, recommending healthy groceries and meals tailored to your tastes, nutrition preferences, and health goals.
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They make it easy to eat high-quality, nutritious food and achieve any diet or health goals, from anti-inflammatory to gut-friendly, gluten-free, dairy-free, high-protein, and more. Personally for me, I eat a low-fat, high-protein diet because of my lack of gallbladder. And Hungry Root finds great options for me, so I'm not just eating chicken and beans for every meal.
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That's HungryRoot.com slash Broski. Code Broski to get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life. HungryRoot.com slash Broski. Code Broski. Okay, this is a quiz that's on my mind and I just need to pivot and stop and take it. So you guys just need to bear with me. What Game of Thrones character are you? I'm reading Game of Thrones right now.
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like the actual book for the first time. Because obviously, love the TV show, love House of the Dragon, And so I'm reading it and right now it's like, oh my God, it's so nice to be back in this universe, like in the George R.R. Martin verse. And it's got me thinking because God damn, I love Tyrion Lannister. Shit, he's the best character. And so I want to take this and I hope I get Tyrion.
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And if I get some fuck ass knight, I'm going to be mad. We'll take the Buzzfeed one and then we're going to do a different one, okay? Pick a movie. The Omen, Cruel Intentions, War Horse, King's Speech, Hunger Games, How to Train Your Dragon, Aladdin, Braveheart, The Iron Giant. Well, obviously we're picking Aladdin. Next! Which statement most applies to you? You believe in the one.
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You don't mind paying for love. You tend to only want people you can't have. You find it really hard to talk to the opposite sex. Boys slash girls are stupid. First of all, boys, girls is crazy. You're too busy to think about settling down. You like people who remind you of your parents. You're the strong, silent type. You like to be worshipped. I believe in the one. Call me a hopeless romantic.
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Not to say the F word, but fascism. It's a scary thing. And to think that we are in a similar place, but in our country, you know, 80 years later, it's just, it's harrowing. It's a lot to sort of think about. I digress. Let's move on. So, as we all know, I apologize for it last week and the week before that, and I believe the week before that. Jack O'Connell, it's still happening.
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Pick a Simpsons character. Done, Lisa. Pick a song. Crazy horses don't speak. I know I just want something. I just can't wait to be king. See, now this is why I don't fuck with BuzzFeed quizzes. You're being too literal. I'm actually, I'm not going to finish this one. You're pissing me off. Actually, I'm going to finish it.
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We'll do Killing Me Softly by the Fugees. Pick an emoji. See, what the fuck quiz is this? This is not, George R.R. Martin would not like this quiz. I'm going to pick the turd. Pick a sport. Weightlifting, Quidditch, shot put, horse racing, fencing, archery, rugby. To put things in context here, what's a sport with a skill that you would probably need?
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I'm going to, it's either horse racing or archery. I'm going to go archery. Pick a Mr. Min character. Little Miss Trouble, Mr. Snow. Oh, I do love Mr. Snow. Mr. Mean, Mr. Small, Little Miss Magic, Mr. Strong, Mr. Quiet, Little Miss Fickle, Mr. Perfect. We'll do Mr. Snow. Why not?
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God, I'm mad. I'm not Jon Snow, dude. I love him to death. We're gonna do mygotcharacter.com. Okay, here we go. You are a black brother of the Night's Watch out north of the Wall in a ranging party. Wilding raiders ambush your group. Only you and one of your black brothers survive. Your supplies were lost during the attack and you have nothing left to eat. The Wall is days away.
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Shivering and starving, you make your way south through the snow. You do not light any fires, as they may attract wildlings or white walkers. On the second morning, you cannot rouse your black brother. The cold has claimed him. You must decide what to do with his body. This is what I'm talking about. One, give him a proper send-off by burning the body.
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It's dangerous, but his watch, after all, is ended. Two, eat your companion. No. Three, leave the body where it is. You don't want to risk lighting a fire. Four, carry his body back to Castle Black. Men of the Night's Watch never leave their companions behind. Oh, God. Am I a coward? I'm going to leave the body where it is.
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Next. Also, I'm not a knight of the Night's Watch. I didn't sign up for that, okay? Fuck your traditions, fuck your whatever. If I light this fire, I could be killed. Is that horrible? Moving on. You are a hedge knight traveling along the king's road by foot. You happen upon an unconscious man lying. Why is everybody dead on the road?
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Seeing his bloodied appearance and lack of clothing, you quickly determine that he was assaulted by bandits. You see no one else on the road except you and this unfortunate stranger. The nearest town that can help this man is still miles away. What will you do? Draw your sword and kill the man. He stands little chance of surviving and you reason it an act of mercy.
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Two, hunt down the men responsible. The wounds are fresh and the bandits are likely nearby waiting for another victim.
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Leave the man, but rush to the next town to alert the local small folk. That's what I'm doing. Four, carry the man to the nearest inn. He may be able to receive some medical attention there. Okay, it's between three and four. Carry the man. Am I a man in this scenario? Because if I'm a man, sure, I'll help this other dude. But if I'm a woman... I'm not this fucko.
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No, because what if he wakes up and tries to kill me? Also, why did they beat him up? Maybe he was doing something. I'm doing three. Leave the man, but I am going to tell people about it. Go help bro. You are the lady of Castamere, enjoying a feast with your lord and his bannermen. Your older brother, a constant source of vexation, is offended that he wasn't invited.
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He crashes the event and becomes drunk and quarrelsome, even going so far as to draw his blade and threatening to kill you. He's quickly apprehended. Your lord is furious and decides to punish your brother by executing him? How do you react? Do nothing and watch as your brother is summarily executed. This is like a fucking trolley problem!
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The obsession is still strong. Because you guys know how I get, right? I like an actor or an actress, and I can't like something normal. I have to watch everything they've ever been in and everything they've ever said online. And unfortunately, I'm still in the depths of the waters of Jack O'Connell.
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He has always been a problem and you'll be better off without him. That's not true. Intervene, begging for a change of punishment to exile, period. Your brother won't be causing any more problems for you. Intervene, suggesting a trial the following week. Calmer tempers will prevail and he will receive a lighter punishment. Your brother will continue to be a thorn in your side.
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Intervene, begging forgiveness. No, intervene, begging for... You're getting the fuck out of here, okay? I saved your life. I don't want to hear from you ever again. Next. You are a lord on the coast of the Westerlands, charged with the protection of your people and defense of your lands.
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The recent war of your liege, lord, has depleted your levies, and your only remaining soldiers are garrisoned in your castle. Seeing your weakness, ironborn raiders invade and are pillaging your lands. Your people flee to you for safety. Do you arm all your available men and take the fight to these ironborn scum?
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Despite your weakness, this is your best chance to repel the invaders, but you risk it all if you lose. Two, take all the refugees that you can inside your castle and wait until the raiders leave. No, because they'll stake you out. Your farms and the wealth of your lands will be destroyed. Ask your liege to provide you with assistance.
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It will take some time for help to arrive and your people and lands will suffer in the meantime. Four, offer no assistance, allowing the ironborn to gain in confidence. When they overextend themselves, strike powerfully with your remaining forces. It's bold. But I'm going to arm all my men and take the fight to the Ironborn. It's either that or it's the 4th. Right?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
95: Broski Nation Special Ops
Because you either meet them where they are and you say, you're not invading here. And then you clash. Or you let them wreak some havoc. So you have to, it's one of those things where you're rationing in your mind, like, is little injury worth a big victory? Or do you just give it all you got from the jump and then see what happens? It's tough. And I'm not a military strategist.
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Again, I'm Tyrion Lannister. I think. Offer no assistance. No, I'm going to arm all my men and we're going to do it. Okay, I'm going to do the rest of these kind of quickly so we can wrap it up.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Okay, I'm back. You are a sworn brother of the Kingsguard, stationed in King's Landing during a violent rebellion. The enemy has breached the gates and is sacking the city. In the midst of the chaos, the king summons the Grandmaster of the Alchemist's Guild. You overhear that he has planted caches of wildfire all over the city and plans to ignite it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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It will leave the city in ruins and claim countless lives. What will you do? Number one, protect the king. I'm a sworn brother of the king's guard, after all. It's not your place to interfere with the king's battle plans. Two, try to dissuade the king from this course of action. Three, kill both the grandmaster and the king to make sure this plan is not implemented.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Four, desert the king and abandon king's landing. I wish there was a fifth option, which is tell somebody else. Desert the king, protect the king, dissuade the king. If I try to dissuade the king, I'm getting my head chopped off. Kill both the grandmaster and the king to make sure the plan is not implemented. Another trolley problem. Do you kill two to save all?
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My metaphorical pirate ship has been attacked by the Kraken and sunk to the depths of the Jack O'Connell Sea. I'm kind of interred here. Interred? That's right. Interred. Interred. Interred. In a grave or tomb, a corpse typically with funeral rites.
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And to all our loyal Broski Air medallion status members, please enjoy an extra Biscoff and sugar-free Red Bull on us. At this time, we ask you to please be seated and fasten your rope belts. Recent budget cuts, we apologize, have resulted in a more primitive method of security, but we appreciate your cooperation at this time. In the event of an emergency landing, please don't ask me.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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King of the North! Strong, just, honorable. Yeah, look where that fucking got him! Your primary character is Robb Stark. You have a keen sense of honor and justice. You are fair and compassionate and place a high priority on keeping your family safe. You show determination in the tasks you take on and often surprise others in the manner in which you achieve your goals.
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Generally, others underestimate your intelligence, and this provides you with the opportunities to surprise those around you. Your weakness is in diplomacy and political skills, as you're a straight talker who likes to speak truthfully and directly. They read me, bitch! It's true! And why is that a weakness? ! Unfortunately, that's a weakness because you have to play the political game.
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And I am not one for the political game. I'm not one for sneaking and treachery and doing this. I'm a very direct communicator. And if that makes me Robb Stark, so fucking be it. Holy shit. Look, it does a little breakdown. Me and Robb Stark are so similar. I'm sane. I'm generous. I'm compassionate. I'm intelligent. Our honesty is kind of lacking. And my honor is lacking.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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My loyalty is top. My sanity is top. Generosity, top. Compassion, top. Intelligence, top. Honesty, cautiousness, and seriousness are top. My secondary character is Robert Baratheon. Fuck! jovial charismatic gluttonous god damn it the usurper Your secondary character is Robert Baratheon. You're brave, generous, compassionate, honorable, loyal, honest, and traditional.
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A veritable laundry list of good qualities for those seeking power. However you lack in leadership and intelligence? Sometimes unable to get others to follow you, and sometimes falling victim to traps that others have set for you. Fuck! However, you're well like as you are charming and outgoing. You have a remarkable ability to turn enemies into friends.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Sometimes you enjoy yourself a little too much. Losing focus on the things that matter in pursuit of simple pleasures. T. What the hell? My tertiary character is Maester Aemon. What the hell? Why is it never Tyrion, Dany, and like Jorah Mormont? It's never Brienne of Tarth with a little bit of Tyrion with a little bit of Jon Snow. It's not that. I got fucking Maester Aemon, his old ass.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Your tertiary character is Maester Aemon, Aemon Targaryen, wise, humble, capable. You are both wise and humble. You don't seek the limelight, preferring to use your gifts as an advisor and confidant to the powerful. Interesting that they made me Maester Aemon and not fucking Tyrion. You have a strong sense of duty, but of duty to the greater good rather than to those who
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I'm a genius. Yeah, I'm interred in the watery depths, the watery graveyard of Jack O'Connell's sea. The Sea O'Connell, okay? I've gone down a rabbit hole of everything he's ever been in, every project he's ever said yes to, any actress he's ever, any co-star interview ever given. It's just... Here we are. Here I am. What's that camp rock song?
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whom you are close to personally, and period on that. You prefer to serve people rather than leading them. You are gentle and kind in all of your dealings with others. You are driven from within and do not seek the approval of others. Damn. I'm going to take this again and go a little crazy on it. I'm going to take this again and kind of be more honest. All right, guys.
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I think that'll do it for me this episode. What did we cover? World War II. A little bit more of World War II. McCarthyism. Game of Thrones. Jack O'Connell. Really nothing else to talk about. Oh, me on the Iron Throne here. All right. I'll see you guys next week. Love you, bye.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And then they were like, don't overpower Joe. You're the voice I hear inside my head. I need to find you. Gotta find you. Nick Jonas in those movies was so sexy, but I wasn't a Nick girl. I was a Joe girl. And we all know that. And it shows. Okay, moving on. Jack O'Connell. A show called SAS Rogue Heroes. I'm back on my bullshit.
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Said I'm back on my... Can someone pull the clip from a hundred years ago when I said I was listening to Big X The Plug and who's the other one? Who sings I would never ever put a bitch before my money?
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For my money. Key Glock. I was listening to Key Glock. And now everybody loves Big X the Plug. Yeah, he's from Texas. Moving on. Okay, I'm watching my war show. Okay, SAS Rogue Heroes. What is it about? Thank you for asking. And I appreciate your innate curiosity. I appreciate your curiosity about the world in which you live and, you know, history.
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And specifically history as it pertains to World War II and the Allied Forces. Thank you so much for your inquiry. I will attempt to answer it to the best of my ability. Thank you. SAS Rogue Heroes is a BBC production. Centering in and around the courageous and miraculous story of the SAS Special Air Service.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Direct from the Broski Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California, this is the Broski Report with your host, Brittany Broski.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
95: Broski Nation Special Ops
Now, this was a special ops group in the British military during World War II that served as a form of... To put it quite bluntly, attack dog. They would drop these dudes behind enemy lines and tell them to just do their thing. They had very little provision in the early days from the British government, from General Montgomery.
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They were allowed to operate kind of at their own leisure as long as they got the job done, which the job was securing the front lines, essentially. For a long time, how they started out was a paratroop. They were paratroopers.
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So they would jump out of planes somewhere behind enemy lines, assemble all their gear, rendezvous at a point, and then go and blow up Axis power planes and supplies and tanks and whatever. You know, these weapons that... were being used to torture and torment and wreak havoc.
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And so if you attack them at their strongest yet most vulnerable places, which is these airfields in the middle of nowhere, this campaign started in Northern Africa. And once the SAS helped secure that for the Allies, then they began their European invasion. It started in Italy and all this. So they would literally – they would send the SAS in just like, we'll see if our boys can do it.
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In the event of an emergency landing, don't be mad at me. I didn't do it. I just, I didn't know. I didn't know.
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If not, oh well. Like truly expendables. And these men – I mean, of course, all this is through the lens of a TV show, but it's heavily researched and predicated on the bravery and I guess innovation of what this group was doing and how it slowly became an official regiment within the British military and I guess the larger allied forces and
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I mean, they call them madmen because you got to be kind of fucking crazy to do that and to put yourself even in that position. So I find it very intriguing as an American to watch shows like this about World War II or World War I or any war where Americans are involved, but it's not like, so to speak, an American war.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I find it very interesting to watch from a perspective that is not my own nationality. Just because it puts things in context. And of course, other countries have pride in their war effort and all that. But visiting things like Churchill's War Rooms or the Imperial War Museum or any of the Blitzkrieg bombing sites in London or anywhere in the UK. I mean, this is not ancient history.
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And this was truly a global war. So to think that we've never experienced what wartime really feels like, knock on wood, fucking hell. Like to have enemy fighter planes flying overhead in fear for your life and have, I mean, it's just something that I cannot conceptualize.
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Even, I think I've talked about this before, the Imperial War Museum has this setup of what an average, quote unquote, British single family household looked like in the 30s, 40s. complete with a small little television or radio that was constantly updating on the progress of the war or setbacks of the war, simulated flyovers, simulated bombs.
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I mean, it's just to live in fear while at the same time getting the message from your government, keep calm and carry on. How the fuck are you supposed to carry on like life is normal? But then again, the flip side of that is, do you have a choice? What, are you going to sit around and be scared all day? Life goes on. Even if you're terrified, life goes on.
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So you might as well, you know, make the most of it. So it's just all these things really are put into perspective. And when I watch shows like this, where there's such a pride for the British culture,
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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If there's anything we can do to make your flight more enjoyable, please keep it to yourself. Thank you and enjoy the flight.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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military the british war effort but ultimately how the war really shifted when the americans joined not to be patriotic not to sound patriotic but the americans really won the war for the allies okay i think any historian would kind of agree it was much needed reinforcement much needed backup much needed supplies men you know morale i think it was just wow and uh
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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The Allied forces up until then had been holding the line. I sound like my dad. They'd been holding the line as well as they could, as best they could. And what I like about this show is, you know, you get all the bureaucratic... nonsense, the bureaucratic red tape and how these soldiers are just ordered around. And I guess that's what you signed up for.
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But at the same time, are you allowed to ever question authority? And what are the real disciplinary actions that are taken when you question your authority in the military? So all that was very interesting to watch. But at the same time, I found it interesting because I've never really focused much on
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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for whatever reason, the war effort in Northern Africa and Egypt and all the strongholds that were there and how crucial it was that the Allied forces kept hold of some of the cities like Cairo because...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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if all of those canals or ports of trade or any of those really significant cities in that area were to have been claimed or taken over or occupied by the Axis powers, we would have been talking about a very different war, a very, very different war. So the SAS, and of course, this is from the lens of the TV show, the SAS really helped in that effort, at least, spend a lot of time in the desert.
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A lot of fucking time in the desert. And I also like this show because halfway through season one, because of course I've watched all the way to season two, I love Jack O'Connell! I love Jack O'Connell! Okay? Halfway through season one, who pops up except my king, Aegon Targaryen, Tom Glen Kearney.
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I was like, hell fucking yeah. He is the Brit that keeps Britting, if you know what I mean. I was watching Dunkirk. His ass is in that movie. I was watching some other movie. He popped up. I'm like, if you look for him, he will appear. Tom Glenn Carney, he's everywhere. So he plays a soldier that's in this sort of troop that specializes in scouting the desert.
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Like, they know the desert better than anyone. They know how the weather moves, how the wind blows, when the sun sets, where to find certain things, the likelihood of where things are going to be. I mean, just like a true expert knowledge of this terrain that they're navigating. And so his team combines with... Jack O'Connell's team. And they sort of team up and kiss and sort of kiss and make out.
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So not really, but kind of. And there is a very important scene to me in this show where Jack O'Connell poops on camera. And that is, I think, what cinema is about. He sort of drops trowel and takes a big stinker and then wipes his ass with military orders. I love that. Personally, I love that. And that's cinema to me, that's film. That's television history. On the BBC One. Is that BBC One?
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What are the different BBCs? Let's go ahead and give that a Google. What are the different BBCs? BBC One, BBC Two, BBC Three and Four, and international news channels like BBC News and BBC World News. Okay, BBC One, this is from bbc.com. You'll find news and current affairs, drama, comedy, and entertainment programs.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
You know when you eat so much you can feel your heartbeat in your stomach? That's awful. Where are my binge eating girls at? Yes! Yes! Okay. At the table, I'm at the head. To my left, Anthony Bourdain. To my right, Stanley Tucci. They're talking. I'm listening. I'm not speaking. I actually have a notebook and I'm taking notes. Anthony Bourdain, Stanley Tucci. Did they ever meet?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
I'm not comparing them. I'm saying I'd like to watch them have a conversation. Okay, anyway, they're going to be sat next to each other or across from each other. Moving down the table, we have got to get Dreamscape ASMR. That bitch has done more for me than any other living person, probably. Dreamscape ASMR. Let's pull her up. Y'all know that I love her.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Y'all know that I talk about her incessantly. I love her. I think she's so inventive. I think specifically she would have to come in one of her cosplays. Yes. Yes. Because we get dressed up nice for Thanksgiving dinner. She would have to come in one of her cosplays and there would be a section where everyone would have to shut the fuck up and she would do a role play.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
And she would do like, I don't know, I would let her choose, you know, of course, like a sci-fi cyberpunk sort of. She's got like a cyborg eye and a robot hand and she's like serving gravy to everyone at the table. That would be, I need Dreamscape ASMR to be at my Thanksgiving table. She would add an ambience and a piece that I really need because what if Anthony and Stanley start fighting?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
To slither oneself. Sometimes it will turn you into a slizzard, okay? Guys, welcome back to the first Thanksgiving.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
And then I have to be like, guys, guys, stop it. She's serving the gravy, okay? They wouldn't fight though, just to be clear. We would be having a ball of a time at my edge of the table with Anthony and Stan. We would be having a fucking blast, okay? Dreamscape ASMR definitely will be there. Now, this one, she would sit across from Dreamscape ASMR, Michelle Visage.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Michelle Visage, I just feel the need to go on a little tangent really quick. Michelle Visage has taken to TikTok. This has been incredibly positive on my mental health, on my mental wellbeing, on my overall wellbeing. Michelle Visage does perfume, perfume talk, okay? Fragrance talk is a whole beast in and of itself on TikTok. Everybody thinks they're a motherfucking perfumist.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
What's the word for a, is there a word for someone who, who, Someone who specializes in fragrance. Perfumery. Perfumer. Oh, duh. Someone who specializes in fragrance is called a perfumer. And can I say something really quick? Gemini, like Google's AI... I'm kind of addicted. Like, I'm kind of addicted. Like, the way that it answered my question.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
This is what I've wanted from Google since I started this goddamn podcast. Me being like, and is there actually possibility were dragons ever in West Africa, Google? Like, were they there? Because I saw that they found scales. And then Google would be like, well, yes, they found. I don't want links. I want you to answer me like I'm a human. Boom. AI overview.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Yes, someone who specializes in fragrance is called a perfumer. That's what I'm talking about. Talk to me like I'm an adult human, Google. Okay, anyway. Yes, there are people who claim to be perfumers on TikTok. And I can appreciate, you know, like you have a large Rolodex, a large collection of fragrances that you've bought throughout the years.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
You know, you can group them in terms of these are perfume oils, these are eau de parfum, these are eau de toilette, these are whatever, you know, in terms of strength, okay? Then you can rank them or group them in terms of, which most people do, notes. These are the florals, these are the earthies, these are the musky gourmand, which is coffee, vanilla, whatever.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
I started, well, first of all, I followed Michelle Visage on TikTok because of course I did. And then I was kind of gagged at her collection because I'm like a, I'm not a perfumer. I enjoy a beautiful fragrance though. And I like to invest in a really well-made fragrance that like I will wear until I'm at the bottom of the bottle. You know what I mean? Like I use it until there's nothing left.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Have done, I'm going to do a little tangent really quick. I've done like the Jo Malone's, okay? Those don't last. Jo Malone makes beautiful fragrances. They do not last. Don't waste your money. Killian. Killian is Rihanna's perfume of choice. I think Beyonce wears something from Killian as well. Killian is a very strong, very interesting perfume. maker of perfumes.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
And this is like, I mean, the bitches on technology are like, I got stopped in the street for what I was wearing six times today. It's the fair amounts. Shut the fuck up, girl. It's because the perfume is really strong. That's all it is. It's just the strength of how this perfume was made. It's not that it smells that good. It's just that people can smell you from across the fucking room.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Killian is that. I have angel's share of Which is, it looks like it's in a little whiskey cup. It's a whiskey glass. It's really, really gorgeous. I was addicted to it for a while. Me and my friend Katie were. And then it just got too much. Like, not embarrassed, but like I would walk into a room and people would be like, oh. It's just that strong.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
It's sexy for like a night out, you know, where like everyone's drunk and they're close to you and then they're like, you smell good. I'm like, yeah, motherfucker, because I sprayed this in a way where a mile away you could smell me coming. It's very vanilla-y. It's very warm. It's very spicy. It's very beautiful. It's not an everyday, so I stopped wearing it. My go-to used to be YSL Black Opium.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Okay, guys, did you, if you didn't know, Popeye's does make a Cajun turkey. We do it every single year. That shit, I'm not joking. I was talking to a friend about this recently, and they were like, what are you talking about Popeye's turkey? Like, that's funny. And I was like, you think I'm joking? I feel like I've spoken about this at length on the internet.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Of course, everyone has a YSL Black Opium phase because it's just good. It's warm and it's not overpowering, but it's sweet. It's just a very feminine, sexy fragrance. Then for a second, I tried to do like um, what, who makes that, Guerlain, Guerlain, Paris, Guerlain, okay, I did Jo Malone, um, Guerlain, Gookie, YSL, um, shit, what else, Diptyque, yeah, I've tried all the different, like,
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
famous you know what I mean like famous accessible ones I'm learning about brands and perfumers from perfume makers from Michelle Visage and other people that she follows on TikTok that I've never heard of and I'm very excited it's an addiction though it's a it's a problem because I don't I should not be spending that kind of money on those sort of things do you know what I mean
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
But it's fun to get into. So back to Killian. I think Rihanna's been known to wear one called Good Girl Gone Bad. Or maybe someone made that up. That one's a very beautiful fragrance as well. Again, they're just very intense. Some of the ones I've settled on right now are Diptyque makes one called Orpheon, which is beautiful. It's very androgynous, which I love.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
I am addicted to androgynous scents. For a while, I was wearing a Guerlain makes this, I forget the name of it, but it's like a black square. It's a men's cologne. And I would wear that because I liked it. I would mix that with Sol de Janeiro makes a... Hello, hello, remember what you wanted to say. Sol de Janeiro makes a lotion that I would layer under it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
They would add a little bit of sweetness to it. But again, it wouldn't last. Now I've settled on Orpheon by Diptyque. I love that one as just like an everyday. Dosun by Diptyque. This is a very floral, which I do not wear. I do not do florals, but I smelled Dosun in the store and I was like, now hold on a damn minute. Hold on a damn minute. I love Dosun. That was for like three months.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
I was only doing Dosun. Then I moved on to Diptyque makes one called Vetiver. That is just that. It's just pure vetiver. I know there's probably some other bullshit in there. I only smell vetiver. This can kind of lean a little grandma sometimes, so I mix it with something else.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
What I'm addicted to as of literally three minutes ago, I ordered a discovery set from Heretic Parfums because they just did a line with Nosferatu for that new movie, which I'm so excited for. I'm so excited. I'm so excited for Nose Fracture. Anyway, they came out with a line. I ordered a sample. Didn't love it. But the Discovery set, I went through that whole bitch.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Let me go ahead and swallow for you guys. Let me go ahead and swallow that big glob of spit that was in my mouth. Just for you guys. I'm looking out for you guys, okay? I just, I felt that kind of building up, and I was like, I could power through this ball of spit and just have it be really gummy and flimmy, or I could swallow it, okay? Because I'm always thinking about the audience.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
That, and I'm also doing Maison Louis Marie No. 2, Les Langues Fondes. Two very androgynous scents. I mix them together and they are fucking beautiful. And it's fun to experiment with all that. You know what I mean? Like it's just fun. And also something that Jackie Aina had taught me is that don't save the perfume for a nice occasion or do this or never wear it. Fucking wear the perfume.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Every night before I go to bed, I spray on my neck and on my wrist so that when I'm... I wear my blankies. I smell it because that's what it's for. It's for you to enjoy. I'm not trying to impress anyone else. It's because I like it and I want to smell good. And so I do. And after I take my shower, I do my lotion.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
I do my Laura Mercier vanilla, vanilla, whatever the fuck it's called, lotion, which they change the formula on and I'm pissed off, but I still buy it. And then I do that. And then I do my vetiver and I do my whatever. And then I wake up in the morning. And I smell good. And I smell like grease a little bit because I sweat in my sleep. I smell like scalp when I wake up.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Because sometimes I sleep too hard and I smell like scalp, okay? It just sort of happens to me sometimes. My dad is so greasy. It's a genetic thing, of course, is what I'm getting at. My dad is so greasy. Every single TV remote we've ever had in our home, all the little stickers on the buttons have been wiped off because he is so greasy. You can't even, hey dad, what did that used to say?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Couldn't tell you. But it's for muscle memory that he knows where the volume and where the channel and the numbers and all that bullshit is. It's because he's so greasy. On his side of the bed, on his headboard side, where he leans his head up against the headboard, it's been rubbed off because he's so greasy. I'm the same way. I'm humiliated. I'm in the shower scrubbing. I'm still greasy.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Michelle Visage has started showing her grand collection of perfumes and I'm addicted. Like I'm trying not to give in and buy every single thing that she recommends because she sells them so well. Her number one fragrance of all time is this like fucked up coffee gourmand. And gourmand I believe is what, I always think of it as like food.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
It's something that smells like cake or coffee or like it's food based I wanna say. What's the actual definition? Gourmand is a fragrance family that includes sweet notes like vanilla, chocolate, marshmallow, and whipped cream. The word gourmand comes from the medieval French term gourmand, which means glutton. Oh, perfect.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
A gourmand is someone who is very interested in good food and drink and may have a hearty appetite. The term originally referred to someone who ate and drank excessively, but more commonly today, it means someone who is enthusiastic about good food and drink. In France, the term is sometimes used in a loving or playful way, but it can also have a negative connotation, meaning greedy.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
I'm thinking about you guys. Okay, Popeye's turkey. There is such a thing as a Popeye's turkey. And you have to, I know them bitches sell out in the South. Like you got to secure yours in that line. Do you remember when the Popeye's chicken sandwich dropped and people literally died? Sorry, that's not funny. It's not funny. But what the fuck is wrong with you people? And by you people, I mean me.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Y'all know I love etymology. I had to go ahead and read that little paragraph for you right there right quick. Okay, yeah, a gourmand, it has to be the right gourmand for me. The gourmand has to be layered with something more masculine to balance it. Scandalwood does it so well. I don't know what the notes are in Scandalwood. We have to look it up, actually.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Grounding sandalwood flirts with exotic coriander, musk, and voluptuous Bulgarian rose. And I say, I don't like rose. I don't get rose from this from this perfume. It's so gaggy, honestly, how some perfumes, like, I'll read a description. It'll be like bergamot, white musk, amber, vetiver. And I'll be like, oh my God, that sounds so good. I love all those things.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Those are all my favorite sort of notes. And I'll smell it. Garbage chute, garbage disposal, grandmother, dead grandmother. Some companies just did it wrong. You have this beautiful array of notes. You did not mix them correctly. They do not mesh well with my skin. The thing too about Scandalwood is whatever grease is happening in my sort of genetic pool mixes very well with the Scandalwood, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
My grease mixes well with Dita Von Teese's grease. Something chemical is happening there that's creating something very beautiful.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
um yeah dude i don't i don't smell rose at all here but uh it's very beautiful atlas cedar coriander bulgarian rose labdanum labdanum labdanum what the fuck is labdanum labdanum sticky brown resin that comes from the rock rose plant it's a popular ingredient because of its warm musky and slightly sweet aroma it's often described as leathery animalic or amber like period Love that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Love that for me. sandalwood and white musk. I love this perfume. I never would have guessed that there's a rose in it. I do not like, what's that famous dumb ass perfume that everyone loves? Marly, Parfum de Marly, Parfum de Marly. They make beautiful fragrances. They're just not for me. Their most famous one is that rose one. Y'all know what I'm talking about.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
I'm just not, everyone sings the praises. The number one perfume you need if you want to be stopped in the street.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Okay. Um... Rose Parfum de Marly. Yeah, girl, this one. And it's so goddamn expensive for no reason. It's beautiful. It's beautiful, okay? It's giving Versailles, Rococo, Marie Antoinette. This is all, you know, it's definitely giving the Sun King, King Louis the... Hold on, let me test my history really quick. Sun King, King Louis the 16th? Yeah, I want to say the 16th.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
The Sun King. King Louis the 14th. Fuck! Damn it! Louis the 14th, also known as Louis the Great or the Sun King, was king of France from 1643 until 1715. Damn, 72 year long reign? That's nutso. You know he smelled bad! You know he smelled bad! Why was he called the Sun King? He chose the sun as his emblem and cultivated an image of himself as the sun god Apollo. Okay, that's me.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
That's me when I said I'm a stag. When some random ass quiz from google.gov told me I was a stag and I said, hold on, rebrand incoming, I'm the stag queen. Yeah, yeah, I'm the stag queen. Let's look up the respective god. Who is the god? Hold on, maybe I might know it. The goddess of the hunt, Demeter.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
There was a for real like biblical fervor, like a Noah's Ark level panic of I have got to get that fucking sandwich. Like why was it so intense? That picture of that Popeye's worker sat on the bench outside smoking with her head in between her. Yeah, girl. Yeah. Take a rest. Take a beat. Why were people so fucking crazy for that sandwich? Is it delicious? Yes. Okay.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Shit. I was so confident. Can we bring back crap? Oh, crap. Artemis, in Greek religion, the goddess of wild animals, the hunt and vegetation, and of chastity and childbirth. She was identified by the Romans with Diana. Daddy Diana! Demeter. Well, girl, fuck you! In most of her myths and cults, Demeter is the grain mother or the earth mother.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Demeter was the Greek goddess of agriculture, the harvest, fertility, and the earth. I wasn't that far off. She was one of the 12 Olympians and the patron goddess of farmers. Well, maybe I was far off. Demeter was the daughter of Rhea and Kronos. Now, Kronos has crazy lore. Was Kronos the one that ate his son? Or Kronos fed... Kronos was the son who fed somebody to his dad.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
That whole shit was crazy. The Titans? Anyway. Her symbols include the cornucopia, scythe, wheat, bread, and harvest grains. Her sacred animals were the pig and the snake. Demeter. So not Demeter. Diana. Diana. Goddess. The goddess of the hunt, the moon, and wild animals. Is there a goddess of the stag? God, that's low-key me.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Whatever. Goddess of the Hunt. Is there a goddess of stags? Artemis is the Greek goddess. Now, I always thought Artemis was a man. It's Greek goddess of the wilderness and is often depicted with a stag or deer. Bruh, I am Artemis. Okay, I'm gonna be the stag queen the way that Louis XIV was the sun king. I am going to wear, oh, what's that?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
I happen to have stag antlers right here just randomly for no reason at all other than it is natural to me, other than right now I've never felt more like myself than in this moment. Okay? The stag queen. POV, I'm the stag queen and you stand before me and you're begging for more food, water, rations, medicine, but I spend all the money on these crazy horns. Ask me something.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Yeah, you're looking at Artemis, essentially. So deer mythology. Classic deer mythology. Okay, let's move on. Michelle Visage. Okay, Michelle Visage details, her favorite perfume of all time is this coffee fragrance. Coffee fragrances to me, you know what it gives?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
It gives when you're at Sephora or any perfume store and you smell, they have those coffee grounds because it resets your nasal palette or whatever that is. Where like in between sniffing fragrances where everything starts to smell the same, you sniff coffee beans and it like electroshocks your brain and your nose hairs and you're like, oh, fuck. and then you go smell something else.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
That's what coffee fragrances give me. Why do you smell like coffee? You smell like when the teacher would come over and be like, with their coffee breath. Get the fuck away from me. You know what I mean? Like it gives that a little bit. But I say all that and I'm talking out of my butt because maybe it's delicious. And I do trust Michelle Visage. So if she says it smells great, I believe her.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Now something I want to get better at is layering the fragrances. That's something that I'm still, I'm trying to figure out that world. Because like if patchouli is the base note of the three perfumes I'm mixing, what's the point? Because if they're all just going to be patchouli, then I'm just layering patchouli on top of one another.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
It'll be slightly different, but I want to do like, how do you know that amber goes well with bergamot, that goes well with musk, that goes well with vanilla? And like not a cheap vanilla, like a very golden warm vanilla, like a rich vanilla. Um... Oh, I've been addicted to lately. DS and Durga makes a fragrance called, I think I've talked about this, called Gâteau Blackout. Gâteau Blackout.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Oh, bitch. It's very interesting. Very interesting. I really like that one. So anyway, all that to say, I don't know that much about layering. So at Thanksgiving dinner, I'm going to ask Michelle Visage about what's going on there, because that's something that I'd like to get more into. And I think it comes down to just
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
And I understand on a sort of very human level. Of course, it's yum. God, if Popeye's ever goes out of business, I'm telling you, that is one of America's treasures. I know we've talked about this before. We've talked about KFC and how, you know, he wasn't even selling chicken at first. Popeye's, dude.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
practice and finding fragrances that are equal strength because if, like if I sprayed the Killian fragrance on me and then a Maison Louis whatever the fuck, you're not gonna be able to smell the Maison Louis one at all because it just goes away because Killian is so overpowering. So even though on paper they might have similar or complimentary notes, you would never, oh my God, I'm so sorry.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Whacked y'all upside the head. You would never mix those two because it's just not gonna... One's eating out everyone. One of them is gonna eat out the rest of them. It's just gonna eat everything out. It's gonna be dripping down a chin. Okay, moving on. Back to my list. Oh, okay, further down the table. Again, sitting across from each other.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
This is a long rectangular table that it's as long as I want it to be because I'm the stag queen. And if I want this table to be 36 people, it's gonna be 36 people. And I'm gonna make everyone shut up so that I can talk to each person individually because that's what I want. Because I am the supreme leader stag queen. I know, get rid of supreme leader. I am now the stag queen.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
I'm queen of the horned animals. Other than rhinos, they kind of scare me. Okay, at this level of the table, we're now what? One, two, three, we're three rows deep.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
It just hit. Something's brewing in my stomach like a Keurig. Anyway, at this point of the table, Andrew Scott, Paul Mescal, they're sitting across from each other. And also, actually, maybe I'm not going to put them next to each other because they kind of give, like, bestie vibes. I want my time with each of them. You know what I mean?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Like, I don't want this to be y'all hang out in the corner and you're chismeando and I'm left out. I want to be in on the chisme. So, actually, Stanley Tucci and Tony, y'all are going to move down a little bit because Andrew and Paul are going to take a turn right here. And I just want to talk to them. Because I feel like they're a damn good hang.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Hey, us after three cocktails, you bet your ass, we're cackling, giggling. Okay? That's my... I feel very deeply that me, Andrew Scott, and Paul Meskel would have a fucking time. We would have a blast together. Mind you. And don't you forget that. Um... And I haven't seen that movie that they did together because I just, I know it'll make me very, very deeply unwell.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
I know that it'll make me very sad. I don't like to be sad. Okay. I watched Little Women. What? What was that? Three, four months ago. It made me very sad, but also very happy. I love Little Women. Okay. Actually, I lied. Little Women made me sad a little bit, but happy more than anything because Saoirse Ronan. Again. Hold on. I need to get an Irish flag tattoo.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
It is something so uniquely American, and I'm so happy to be alive with Popeye's franchises all over the country, if not the world, okay? Guys, it's Thanksgiving. Give it up. Smoking a cigarette. I think that Thanksgiving is, it's a great time to see your family that, you know, you don't usually see. It's a great excuse to stop working.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
I'm thinking about getting an apartment in Dublin. Right here. Guys, stick with me, okay? I just feel very like physically far But something is calling my spirit home. Something's calling me here. And I don't know what it is. I don't know if I should listen to it, but I feel that I've been denying it. I've been denying it for a long time.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
And I'm looking at this map back here and I know, wasn't I missing Ireland for a while? What country was I missing? Couldn't tell you. I had to, it fell off and y'all were like, you're missing fucking. And then I had to put it up there. Anyway, Ireland, guys, I don't know. I don't know what it is. This is not an uncommon thing, though.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Like, people feel called to certain places, and I don't know why. But I have seen people be like, have you just had that one place that you're just, no. You just know you're supposed to be there. And for a while, I thought that was Spain for me because I've been to Spain three times. And every time I'm like, God, I love it here. Like I could really live here.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
But then I went to Ireland and I was like, hold on. Stop the lights. Stop the lights. I truly like there's something there that I don't know. I don't know. It is a shared experience. Spiritual connection. I don't know what it is. Hopefully if I move there, I'll figure it out. Maybe if I move there, it'll ruin the shine and that I can be like, okay, I tried it. Let's give it a rest.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
I can go back to my country. Okay. But maybe if I'm right, look, what is the path to Irish citizenship? Is it difficult? There's a bug in here. Is it difficult? What's involved? Do I have to spend a certain amount of money? That's crazy shit, by the way.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
For some people, there's a certain level of visa to come into the United States where you have to spend like a quarter of a million dollars or have a quarter of a million dollars invested into the American economy to qualify for that level of visa. What? Me spending $250,000 on an Irish top shop in Primark? Yeah, bitch. I'll do that. I'll do that if it gets me an apartment in Dublin.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Capital of Northern Ireland. Yeah, I'm sure. Shout out Belfast. I'm not going there. I'd rather do Dublin and like the southern countryside. I would much rather do that, I think. Yeah, I got to go to Cork. Or maybe I don't. Yeah, I have to go to Cork, said no one. But look at that, dude. Look at that. That is nutso. It's so beautiful in like a sad, natural way.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
It's beautiful in a sad way, which I am fucking with that. You know what I mean? Like it's beautiful in a decrepit sort of ivy-ridden castle sort of way. A love story to a long ago history of struggle and victory and peace. Maybe eternal peace, hopefully one day. Like that sort of, I just, I don't know. What's the famous one that starts with a K where all the rich people live in Ireland?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
It's in like the South. Where do the rich folks live in Ireland? Kinsale?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Okay, back to my table. Moving on down the line. After Andrew and Paul, we're doing Kysonette and Drewski. We're doing Kysonette and Drewski. Kysonette had Bill Nye on the stream. He's doing like a month-long stream. Who the fuck else is doing it like Kysonette? There's no one. Kysonette had Bill Nye on the stream. He also had... Oh, his little robot. That's so funny. He had the jabberwockies on.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
I get fed Kaisenat clips on my TikTok. Like, I'm literally a 13-year-old boy. Like, and they come across and I'm like, Kaisenat! I love Kaisenat! I love Kaisenat! I love Kaisenat! And the clips of Drewskis could have been auditions, could have been records auditions. Yeah, I watch every single one.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
If you were to scroll through my YouTube history, it would literally be like, could have been Memphis, could have been Houston, could have been, like, I've seen every single one, even his British ones. I get Duke Dennis compilations. There is a part of me that is a 15-year-old boy that you just cannot kill off. I've tried to silence him. Hello? I'm recording. I've tried to silence it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
And I would like to take a moment to come up with my dream Thanksgiving dinner round table. You know, who am I? Let's say it's at my house. I'm hosting the Thanksgiving meal. Who's there and what are we eating? These are the questions placed before me today and these are the answers I am prepared to give you today, okay? Something very sinister is brewing right now, okay, inside of me.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
I've tried to shut that part of my brain down. I can't. So, Kajsa Natendruski, y'all are sat at my table. Moving on down the line, it's going to be Chapel Roan. Chapel Roan to the left, T.S. Madison to the right. Chapel Row and T.S. Madison, okay? I'll let y'all girls talk. Y'all go ahead and talk, and then I'll come down there and join you in a second, okay? I'm talking to Paul and Andrew.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
That's sort of going to be, for right now, my Thanksgiving table. It is bound to change, and here's the menu. I'm not taking suggestions. I'm not taking into account what any of my guests want to eat. This is what I want to eat, okay? Because it is my Thanksgiving, because I am the stag queen. Popeye's turkey, number one. My mom's mashed potatoes recipe, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
You put like onion salt and sour cream and cream cheese. It just makes you shit your pants, but it's so good. Green bean casserole, aka GBC. Don't get it twisted. Don't fuck up the recipe. You do it exactly as it is on the back of that French's dried onion can. French's dried onion little packet. You do it exactly as it is. The cream of mushroom soup with the nasty canned green beans.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
That's what I want. I don't want any of that natural homemade bullshit. I want off the package recipe. That'll do it for me every time. It is so salt rich. It literally dries out your whole body. That's what I want. And the shit on top has to be crispy. Sweet potato casserole. And I mean the southern sweet potato casserole with marshmallows in it. And fuck you if you don't like that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
With the marshmallow, the toasted marshmallows on top. Where when you get your little scoop and you put it on your plate, the marshmallow literally melts into the rest of it. There's brown sugar in it. It is delicious. It's basically dessert, but it's sweet potato casserole. Next, we're gonna do stuffing. I like the out-of-the-box stuffing, like Stouffer's. I love that shit.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
But if someone, I like it when people make their own. I'll allow homemade recipes for that, because I do enjoy that, okay? I like it when it's, you know, you can put actual bread in it. What else do people put in there? Like green onions, seasoning. I like that. Um, cranberry sauce. I like cranberry sauce. Look at me, dude. I'm Caucasian.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
What, you're gonna look at me and say, uh, no, she doesn't look like she likes cranberry sauce. You're a liar. I love cranberry sauce and I like to put it on my turkey because I am pale. I am Caucasian. I love that shit. It's delicious. It's a beautiful color combination. It's a beautiful flavor combination. And my mom makes a good one that has like actual cranberries in it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
It's not like that nasty gelatinous shit from the can. We don't do that. It's like a homemade one. It's really sweet. There's pecans in it. There's like real cranberries. It is so delicious! What else? Sweet tea. Gotta have a big jug of sweet tea. Dr. Pepper. For dessert, I feel like just because you got to have a pumpkin pie on the table, am I eating it? Eh.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
You know, I might cut off, like, the end of a slice and, like, nibble on it just because I feel compelled to. And it's kind of good. But I feel like I'm going for brownies. Again, my mom makes a beautiful brownie with Reese's Pieces. Reese's, um... What is that called? Reese's chips. You know, like chocolate chips, but they're Reese's chips. They're a little peanut butter. Oh my God.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
You mix in the Reese's chips in that brownie mix. Delicious. So good. Melts in your mouth. We're doing brownies. We'll do, damn, what else? Oh my God. Peanut butter rice, crispy treats. Love that. Love that. Love that. Maybe a salad, maybe a salad on the side. Okay. Like a Caesar salad or something, but it can't get soggy. Like you, or maybe like an olive garden dressing salad. I like that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
I like that. We'll have that on the side just because everything else is like salt, lard, butter, fat, turkey skin. Yeah. Have you a little salad. Okay. Everybody in this room needs it. I am dairy-free and gluten-free, but you better bet this Thanksgiving all bets are off. My ass is at that table gobbling. I am gobbling down anything that I can get my grubby little man hands on.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
I have had two coffees and a Red Bull. I just came from a workout class. Yes, I work out now, okay? Bar method, I'm still doing bar method. Shout out to bar method. I do that and I have my Paul Meskel cup I'm drinking a cherry, a cherry, what the fuck is this? A golden cherry liquid IV out of my Paul Meskel cup. And I'm ready to start this fucking episode. Seriously, guys.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
I don't give a fuck, dude. I'm eating like my life depends on it. And then I'll come back here and then I'll have my protein bars and my snack plates and my bean salad, okay? Dense bean salad DBS. I'll do all that when I get home. Okay, that's my menu. That's my table. Um... Yeah, guys, I feel like that sort of just covered my basis.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
I hope y'all have a happy Thanksgiving and feel compelled to also say that the, the glimmer of Thanksgiving is that it's just that it's a glimmer, right? If we're being historically accurate, we also celebrate indigenous people's day. Um, that's sort of the reason for the season, but Thanksgiving I think is an excuse to get with your family, right?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
It's an excuse to gather around, share a beautiful meal, the actual history of Thanksgiving. I'm not doing all that. Okay. I'm not really celebrating all that. We're not doing that. Okay, guys, song of the week. My song of the week is, oh, it was a Hosier song, which one? Oh, To Be Alone. To Be Alone by Hosier. Hosier makes just music for any season.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
To Be Alone has been just like my hyper fixation song I have this every six to nine months where I'm like, it's one hosier song that I cannot get out of my head. Last or two weeks ago was Empire Now. Great song. God, it's a great song. Yeah, this week is To Be Alone. That intro guitar lick and then his high notes he hits. Damn. Okay, team, if you want Broski Report merch, go get it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Who's stopping you? I'm not stopping you. You can go to broski.shop. We've got trucker hats. Go get you a Broski Report trucker hat. Seriously, folks. All right. Love y'all. I'll see you next week. Seriously. Bye.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Welcome back to the Brewski Report. Today we're talking about Stanley Tucci once again. Let's go ahead and get into it because I have a list of who I, because I've thought about this. You know, if you can have dinner with anyone, dinner alive, who'd you pick? Hey, Stanley Tucci's going to be number one.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
And the day he dies, it's going to be like how some of those psychotic British people were when Queen Elizabeth died. Like, drop to my knees, sobbing, crying. How will I go on? Like, when Stanley Tucci passes, I was about to say if. If. He is this sort of omnipotent being in my eyes, okay? Sometimes when I'm depressed, I rewatch his Searching for Italy series that he did on YouTube, whatever.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
I bought that shit. I spent US dollars to watch Stanley Tucci's Searching for Italy. I don't play about this shit. Do you know what I mean? I don't play. I saw Conclave. Conclave is gaggy, honestly. There were some people were being mean about it online. Yeah, yeah. Can you people just enjoy something? Sit down and enjoy a movie.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
I don't give a fuck, okay? That movie, here's the thing, okay? Movies like that, they're not going to be blockbusters. They're not going to be like, let's get the family together and go watch the fucking, you know, the Catholic Church pick a new pope and everyone's fucked up. That's not a family movie, okay? We're not doing Avengers, a symbol Ultron is fucking on Thanos right now.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
We're not doing that. We're doing Stanley Tucci perplexed by the onus put on him, okay? The onus to be the next Pope. And he is not the next Pope, okay? I'm sorry to ruin it, but he's not going to be the next Pope. Even though I would like to see Stanley Tucci as Papa Tucci. Papa Tucci. And with you. And with you. I know very minimal about the Catholic Church, but I've always been intrigued by it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Because Dan Brown. talked about Dan Brown, one of my favorite books of all time, Angels and Demons. That book started something in me when I was like 15, 14, where I was like, I didn't know reading could be like this. Like, I felt smart. I felt like I had learned some stuff. Of course, it's a historical fiction.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Of course, people have bullshit to say about Dan Brown because you just can't enjoy anything. That's one of my favorite books, I really enjoyed it. And it taught me a lot about like, I had no idea about the infrastructure of the Catholic church, okay? Such an archaic institution, bogged down, held back by tradition, right?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
It is so sexist and so deeply bigoted and so just riddled with injustice and just prejudiced ways of thinking all in the name of serving a higher power, right? Can I just say something really quick? It's amazing that I kind of stopped doing edibles because I realized that it was making me stupid. I was doing edibles so much, I was turning stupid.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Like, for real, it was like the orb of confusion on SpongeBob. I was doing so many edibles, I literally would, like, wake up the next morning and be like, what the fuck am I supposed to do? What is it today? Like, it was bad. And now, look, I've stopped. I have my cognitive function back. I genuinely am, like, rejoicing. I'm Elon Musk X jumping in the air. Like, My brain works again.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
I'm done with edibles, okay? That shit was fucking me. They taste good though, huh? That's one thing about California. Those edibles, that's candy. That shit is sweet tart level gummy candy. Yeah, I'll have 16 and then I wake up in the hospital. I'm not playing with you bitches, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
I just realized that this is going to be a clip of me being like, you bitches are fucking stupid with this dumbass hat on my head.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Oh my god! What the fuck was I talking about? Oh, Conclave. I really enjoy, from the moment I saw the trailer, because I saw the trailer on the, when I went to go see The Substance, which that movie's fucking psycho, which is another, like, I mean, is it indie? I don't know what you would call that, where it's like, this is for a specific sub-genre of moviegoers, right?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
This is not something you go see with your whole family. This is not something that you see with your dad. This is like, you know, it's a movie for the moviegoers sort of thing. I saw a preview for Conclave when I went to go see that. And I was like, okay, it'll be kind of in the same vein of this. I thought it was gonna be like Spotlight, right?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Direct from the Broski Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California, this is the Broski Report with your host, Brittany Broski.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Like that, isn't Spotlight about the Catholic church? How has it only been 10 minutes? Spotlight movie.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
It follows the Boston Globe's spotlight team, the oldest continuously operating newspaper investigative journalist unit in the United States, and its investigation into decades-long cover-up of widespread and systemic child sex abuse by numerous priests of the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Boston. Yes, this whole movie is about just how deep it goes.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
And when there would be one offender, they would just move him to a different church. And when he would offend again, they'd move him to a different church. Same deal. Nothing ever gets done. It just gets silenced, okay? Spotlight... Is such an iconic and important movie. And it won many awards. It's definitely secured its place in, like, cinema history.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
I thought Conclave was going to be in that same vein, you know, of, like, look how fucked the church is. It definitely reveals that the Cardinals are... flawed because of course they are not only is man capital m flawed but any man you put in a position of power they've got skeletons in the closet and i thought that then that was going to be the premise of the movie no ma'am
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
This movie was kind of gaggy. I mean, it's got a twist at the end that was like, what the fuck? Look, in terms of like a thrilling what's going to happen, also kind of tea movie, like Conclave was tea. Go watch it. I don't know how much longer it'll be in theaters. I really enjoyed it. Stanley Tucci's in it. And who's the lead guy? I really like that lead guy. I sound like my grandmother.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Popping bottles in the ice, womp, womp, womp, like a slizzard. The fuck is a slizzard? When we drink, we do it right, getting slithered. Wait, is that the lyric? Sipping slithered in my ride like a G6. Now I'm feeling so slithered like a G6. Like a, what is a slithered? Slithered is a hip hop slang term that means incredibly drunk or high. I have been slithered before. To be slithered.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Conclave... um ralph ralph penis ralph penis sorry fien fien english he's british what's how do you pronounce that last name ralph nathaniel twillston wycombe penis What a name. Ralph Nathaniel Twillston Wickham Phoenix is an English actor, film producer, and director. He graduated from RADA in 1985, a Shakespeare interpreter.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
He excelled on stage at the Royal National Theater before having further success at the Royal Shakespeare Company. Those bitches that do Shakespeare like that, Andrew Scott, Benedict Cumberbatch, Tom Hiddleston, dude, that's a type, that is a brand of man that... I like to think I'd be able to, you know, obviously like I could get along well with that type of man. It's just a bit pretentious.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
And I say that with a big fat hand heart. I say that with all the love in the world. It's a bit pretentious. But it's also this level of cognition and intelligence that most people, A, never reach, and B, don't want to understand because Shakespeare is Shakespeare. You know what I mean? There's so much other... equally as important and impactful modern media that I'd rather see.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
But Shakespeare, the tradition of Shakespeare, I respect as an institution. I respect the actors who take on that challenge. And I respect the successful interpretations of it, because it is hard. And I remember in high school, Half the reason I even passed a test on Macbeth was because of David Tennant's interpretation of fucking Hamlet and Macbeth.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Like, watching it instead of reading it on a page and being like, why did they spell the word like that? Why are they talking funny? I don't fucking get this. I'm hungry. It was watching David Tennant
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
like embody the character watching it on a stage watching it within the set design watch oh it came to life you know i think that's something that high schools kind of get wrong sometimes it's like why are you making me read a play we should be watching the play so that i get it um anyway I have a lot of respect for these sort of actors and taking on that challenge.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
But again, very, very, very, very pretentious. He's also in The Menu, that's how I know him. Oh, and The Grand Budapest. Oh, he's like so famous actually. I've seen him, I know him from a lot of things. Yeah, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, The King's Man, Grand Budapest Hotel, Schindler's List, The Menu, Conclave. Yeah, he's been in so many things. God, The Menu fucked me up.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Crazy, crazy, crazy movie! Anyway, go back, go back. What was I talking about? Conclave. Really enjoyed it. Stanley Tucci played himself, which I love. And I was engaged through the whole thing. At the end, I have missed seeing movies in theaters. Stanley's gonna watch this and be like, I hate you. Because he's always like, we should go see a movie. Have you seen this? Have you seen this?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
No, I'm not going to the theater. And then I go see a movie in a theater and I'm like, guys, seeing a movie in a theater might be my new thing. Has anyone tried to go to their local AMC? I'd really recommend it. I know he's infuriated. I don't give a fuck. I really enjoyed Conclave. And I went by myself. I took myself on a little date. I got me a little popcorn raisinette cherry Coke combo.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
Sat my white ass down in that chair and listened. Okay? Really enjoyed it. Stanley Tucci is invited to the Thanksgiving. All that to say, that was a roundabout way to say love him. And you know what else? Another thing on Stanley Tucci, I'm making him cook. But here's, I feel like if we're doing dead or alive, dead and alive, Stanley Tucci will be sat next to Anthony Bourdain.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
74: Thanksgiving with Stanley Tucci & Kai Cenat
I'm at the head of the table, I'm wearing this, and I'm wearing a beautiful ball gown. But around the stomach, it's been cut out, because I was gonna say, you know, in a beautiful ball gown, you have to wear Spanx. No, no, no, it's a stretchy maternity band around my stomach. So I can eat until I'm engorged. Until I'm physically unwell and I have to be horizontal.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
I went through about three years of horrid depression. I was grieving the loss of my wife and children and dealing with the knowledge that they never existed. Holy shit. I was scared that I was going insane as I would cry myself to sleep hoping I would see her in my dreams. I never have. But sometimes I see my son, usually just a glimpse out of my peripheral vision.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
He's perpetually five years old and I can never hear what he says. Holy shit. Okay, this was a little addendum, a little postscript that the author added. I've had many private messages describing similar experiences and three posters stating such experiences are impossible. I'd say more research needs to be done on brain functions. Pre-med students, don't assume you know everything. Holy shit.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Okay, so... I know that this is a creepypasta, but let's talk about it because I have not had a dream to this extent of like, that is brutal. you know, to age years, to find the love of your life and to have children and build a life and then have it ripped away.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
That hasn't happened to me, but I know, and I know I've also seen accounts of other people experiencing this of being in love or being married and you wake up and it wasn't real. I know that a lot of women have dreams of having children. and looking at and holding their child in their dream or being pregnant in a dream and waking up and none of it was real and being in mourning the next day.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
And you can't explain what's wrong. You can't explain what's heavy on your soul or on your heart. It's just that there is an inconceivable loss that you are mourning and there's a grief of something that is not real. The human brain is fucking wild. I've had dreams where, you know, I've lived an alternate life or I've met someone that was very important to me.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
I've had dreams where... This actually happens a lot and I think I have a condition. I'll have dreams that someone I love has died and I'll call them the next morning in tears or I'll text them like, hey, I love you and I don't tell you enough and I'm sorry that I... That happens to me a lot. I also have dreams of my teeth falling out.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
All of these, I've read what people think that this might be, and there are theories that suggest it's just anxiety, which I know that I do have, and it is severely untreated. I know that the teeth falling out dream is about maybe feeling like you spoke too much, like you shared too much, or that you're lying. It could go either way. And then the death dreams, I don't fucking know.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
I think I just have a complex. But I have had dreams where I've met the love of my life and we have lived together beautifully and happily and I... And in the dream, you know what it feels like to touch their face and the nuances of how they speak and the color flecks in their eyes. And it's that weird thing of this is another repeat thing that happens in some of my dreams.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
And it's happened with this one in particular where they're saying something and I can't hear them. And I keep saying, what was that? What was that? And I can't understand what they're saying. Or they keep repeating it and they're getting frustrated at me because I can't understand them and I can't. And then I wake up. Okay, they're mad at me. They're not real.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
And I need to get my hearing checked. Oh, it's like you wake up in this weird, I honestly, that is the source material for a fucking book. that half dreamlike state of, it's almost a purgatory, but purgatory not with a negative connotation, unless it is. Usually it's a positive connotation of like trying to situate myself after a dream of waking up and where am I? Oh yeah, I know where I am.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
I mean, do you know how intense a skid mark has to be to be visible outside the pants? Crazy work. We're doing skiddies outside? Damn. Yeah, I used to talk to this one guy. I used to talk to this one guy. I don't know if I told y'all this, but he said that, I said, I don't know why we were talking about this. I said, do you wash your butt in the shower? And he said, no, I don't touch my butt.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
And oh yeah, I was dreaming. That halfway state, what is that called? Because I sometimes, I have a fascination with that being potentially a different realm of consciousness, which isn't that outlandish to think about being real. You know, it's not like conspiracy theorist shit. It's like, we know that the human brain is capable of creating alternate realities to cope.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Or like I was talking about last week with Streetcar Named Desire, like it's this, and also with 1984, Double Think, you know, all these, the human brain, is so complex and it is so hyper-intelligent that we are able to construct things to protect ourselves and to protect our feeble and fragile sanity. And if that involves going somewhere else, who's to say where that is?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
In a world that we've created, a world of pure imaginations. then so be it. You know, the human brain, whether or not we tell it to, will create that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
And it's very interesting to think so many millennium or hundreds of years of doctors and scientists not having the means to accurately study all the neural pathways and synapses and all these connections that the brain can make and trauma responses and you know, created worlds and realities to protect something that was hurt.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
You know, when you are hurt, what a beautiful concept that your mind tries to fix it for you, you know, tries to make the pain go away. And I don't know if it can, not fully, not 100%, but it will do its best.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
And even tied to practices like, you know, Buddhism or things that denying yourself earthly pleasures or meditating to get to that higher version of yourself, higher version of self, where you're no longer in the physical. You're no longer in the physical realm. You are somewhere up here in the in-between. You're in a higher conscious. And that feels so fucking yogi bullshit.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
you know, white people with stringy hair and dreads. But that's not per se, that's a weird offset of people who have co-opted that practice and that culture and made it an aesthetic choice, you know, or a bragging right or a personality trait. I'm talking more so like the ancient practice of Buddhism or anything like that. You know, yoga is, it is proven that yoga
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
And stretching the body and holding the body in certain positions pushes you to that. It transcends you. So, oh, also I saw this TikTok. This girl was talking about that book, The Body Keeps the Score. And my friend Katie read this book too. I think we need to talk about it. Of women store trauma in their hips. Because of course they do. That's where life comes from.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Everyone came from a woman's hips. Everyone alive came from a woman's hips. Imagine how powerful that statement is, like how much trauma and pain and beauty and love is stored in a woman's hips and how mean we are to our hips, you know, when they are quite, quite honestly, one of the miracles of humanity. So. I don't know.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
We know that the body stores trauma and we know that the body and the mind protect us from the horribly infinite effects of trauma. And it's very interesting to think that it's only been recent history that doctors and scientists have had the means and the technology to to study it in a way that we can actually learn from it and put two and two together.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
You know, that we don't know what we don't know. And the more questions we ask and find answers to, it's just this exponential curve of questions that, you know, it's the same with the deep sea, where the more we find out, the fucking less we know. Everything that we thought was true, we find something that disproves it. And it's like, well, fuck. I think that's the point, right?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
We're not supposed to know. Marvel at the beauty. Marvel at the unknown. And realize how small and feeble you are. But that's... I wore in my own mind of this. Of like, that's sometimes not enough for me. And I like to talk to myself... we know. Hey, we know.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
When I start to freak out like that, I pull myself back to that simpler process of thinking of like, it doesn't matter. We're here to just enjoy it. You know, try to make it, try to minimize the suffering as much as you can and have a good time with the people you love. Right? That's what it's about. But at the same time, it's that, but also I think truly if in my lifetime I ever had
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
the privilege to see the Aurora Borealis in person. I mean this very honestly. I've talked about the Sistine Chapel ceiling. I've talked about neoclassical art. I've talked about prose, literature, some of the most impressive forms of just...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
By the way, we're breaking up. By the way, don't ever hit my line. Do you wash your butt in the shower? No, I don't. That's gay. Got it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
mind-bending, soul-shattering art that is, I think, the point of life, all of that just pales in comparison to something as magnificent, and I mean that in the most academic way, magnificent as the Aurora Borealis. Who the fuck made that? And hear me when I say this, because I don't say this often. If there was a god, look at it. You know what I mean?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
I find it hard to believe there is not a God when you look at something like the Aurora Borealis. What the fuck are we talking about? It is divine with a capital D. It is magnificent. It is awesome. Not in the sense of like, that's awesome. I mean, the dictionary definition, inspiring awe. It is awesome where I marvel.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
I would drop to my knees and probably start drooling and crying, like boo-hoo crying if I saw the Aurora Borealis. I'm about to be emotional thinking about it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
I just can't imagine something like that. Beauty for the sake of beauty. It's why I'm so like, what the fuck?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Oh, it's so hard when things like that just exist naturally for no rhyme or reason. And it comes and goes. And if you see it, you see it. And all of humanity knows, like, you saw the aurora. It's like a universal thing. And that's what makes things like climate change so much worse. It makes it even more acidic and sour. This is what the stars in the universe have gifted us.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
And this is what we do to the fucking planet. It's sick. It's sick. The Great Pacific Garbage Patch. It's sick. When this is what we do below and look above. Oh, it's just going to make me so emotional.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Okay. And I know who you voted for. Damn. Stinky ass, stringy, greasy hair, GameStop ass dude. I'm mad. I'm pissed off. I'm mad as fuck. This is the pickings! This is the pickings. I'm pissed off. A white guy feels super empowered when they reach a certain age like that. That's just, and there's a market for it, okay? There are plenty of young women and people who go for that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Sorry about that. Sorry for crying at the awe-inspiring eccentricities and phenomena of the world. Sorry for marveling at what God hath made. What was that tweet that was like? When God calls his angels home, will turtles not be a part of that choir? What the fuck is that tweet? Will turtles? When God sings with his creations, will the turtle not be part of the choir? Here.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Okay, here's what I want to Google.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Does the aurora borealis occur? The aurora borealis or the northern lights occur when charged particles from the sun carried by the solar wind collide with gas. We're doing fucking science with Pretty Roski again.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
So whoever, you bitches in the comments who are like, um, astrology, astronomy major here. We're going to need, tap in. Tap in because I need you. Because I'm about to read this and the centrifugal force and the solar winds. What are we talking about, bro? Half of the shit I know about space comes from Interstellar and it comes from Red Rising, okay? I'm not working with much.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
I'm not working with much in the observable universe that I understand, okay? Very, very limited to sort of the dynamics of Dune. Dune, Star Wars, Star Trek, Red Rising. That's what I'm rocking with. So, by the way, God, I miss Red Rising. Have you guys read it yet?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
I am, okay. I don't care. Primarily near the poles due to the interaction with Earth's magnetic fields. Okay. These natural light shows are caused by magnetic storms that have been triggered by solar activity. Such as solar flares. Or coronal mass ejections. What? Ejected gas bubbles. Energetic charged particles from these events are carried from the sun by the solar wind. That's why they move.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
It's the polycules, okay? They, look, love is love. I just don't want it. with the stringy, greasy-haired, skidmark-having young gentleman. I don't want it. Okay? That's just sort of my two cents on that. Yeah, I don't know what's going on there. There's that whole era of rock stars in the 70s and 80s that just... I don't know, man.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Okay, that's why they move. What does the Aurora Borealis mean? Aurora Borealis is the scientific name for the northern lights, which literally means light of dawn. The term comes from the Roman goddess of dawn, Aurora, and the Greek god of the north wind, Boreas. The Aurora Borealis is seen in the Earth's northern hemisphere around the polar regions.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
It's difficult to predict when it will occur, but it's best to look for it on a clear night. The counterpart to the Aurora Borealis in the southern hemisphere is the Aurora Australis. Named after the Greek god of the south wind, Oster. Is that why Australia is named Australia? What the fuck? Is there a southern Aurora Borealis? No, there is not a southern Aurora Borealis. What the fuck?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
In the southern hemisphere, it's called the Aurora Austra... Oh, that's just... I can't... I'm like speechless.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Imagine being a caveman and seeing that in the sky. I would be terrified. I'd be terrified. They're coming! They're coming! Holy shit. I want to watch a video. I need to like get high as balls. I need to get high as balls, watch Dune Prophecy, and then watch Aurora Borealis live stream for three hours. You know what I've been into recently while I read?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Well, y'all know I like to watch those ambient videos, okay? And can I say something? I was on that before any of you bitches were on that. I, and I hate to be that person that I did it before it was cool, but I found that shit years ago. I've been watching that stuff for years, okay? There are a few that I like to tailor to the book I'm reading. when I read Sherlock Holmes, I do the London one.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
London Victorian study desk with light rainfall. I don't like the ones with campfire noises. I don't like the ones with fire noises, because the crackling and popping, it pisses me off, because I'm focusing on that now. And now I'm watching the screen when I really should be reading Sherlock Holmes.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Okay, so the rain, it's a good enough variation, you know what I mean, where it's not just brown noise, because then I'll go to sleep. It's enough. It's enough variation, okay? For a while, I was watching the Paris one. And then there's an Amalfi Coast one. But those don't really have rain.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
And sometimes when I clean the house or whatever, they have some with bossa nova, because we all know I do love bossa nova. So yeah, that's sort of, you know, get on that. If you haven't tried reading with that in the background, I'd really have to recommend it because it's really a spectacular experience. By the way, I'm a bit further in One Dark Window. Really, really cute.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
And apparently there's a smut scene coming up. Hurry, hurry. I want them to diddle each other up. Can you guys just diddle each other already? I'm tired of waiting. Boring. I'm not bored, actually. I'm not bored because I've read some fantasy books where I'm like, get to the fucking point. Like, I don't even need smut. Just give me a plot. Fuck. One Dark Window, the plot's compelling, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
I love an original storyline. It's not like, and then there was a war, and then they have to fight the war. and you'll never guess who dies. Like, fuck you! Be original! And I will say, there is a skeleton to what makes a commercially successful romanticist, okay? And I applaud authors who try to break the mold, in any case.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
They were doing some crazy hairstyles and probably sleeping with some minors. You know, that was sort of... It was hand in hand. You had a crazy Jimmy Page haircut and you were, you know, sort of being intimate with 15-year-olds. And I don't really know what the correlation is there. I don't really know what that is. Makes me sick, though. So...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
And I think that's, you know, the first person to do that, you start the new genre, you start the new offshoot of a famous genre. So... Shout out. Especially when magic is involved, it's super hard to create a new magic system that is easily understandable, that is new and inventive, and isn't, you know...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
easily drawn back to, okay, it's clear this author was inspired by this book or inspired by this series or by this character or whatever. And I want to do a quick shout out to all the fan fiction writers who started writing a story inspired by either their favorite celebrity, a book character, a movie character, whatever, and then slightly adapted it and turned it into its own full story.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Shout out, because that's what the fuck I'm talking about. Okay, anyway. Aurora Borealis. Yeah, that shit is... Wow. Oh, did we stop? Did we finish talking about the lamp story? Oh, yeah, I went on a whole spiral, didn't I? Sorry for getting existential. Oh, fuck. Oh, we haven't done this in a while. I want to do my song of the week.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
And I also want to do a lyric breakdown of one of my most favorite songs of all time. Because eventually I'm going to do... Okay, well, here's what it is. It's a hosier song. Eventually I'm going to do a, what I did with Motomami by Rosalia.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
I want to do that with Wasteland Baby by Hosier because Wasteland Baby and Hosier self-titled are all like albums that have impacted me thus in a way that is just, I mean, fundamental. And it's art that It feels like a privilege to be able to discuss it and annotate it and think about all the references, literary and musical, that he has packed into these albums.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
So here are two of my favorite songs of all time. We're going to start with Foreigner's God. by Hosier, and we're going to do a lyric breakdown. I'm going to do a dramatic reading a la Jonah Hill and 21 Jump Street. 22, 21 Jump Street. Okay, here we go. This is from, self-titled, his first album from 2014.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
She moved with shameless wonder, the perfect creature rarely seen, since some liar brought the thunder when the land was godless and free. Her eyes look sharp and steady into the empty parts of me. Still, my heart is heavy with the hate of some other man's beliefs. Still, my heart is heavy with the hate of some other man's beliefs.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Always a well-dressed fraud who wouldn't spare the rod, never for me. I love genius. Let's read this shit. From the Victorian phrase, spare the rod and spoil the child, meaning without corporal punishment, a child will become spoiled. In the context of the song, it points towards the parent referred to in the line with the hate of some other man's beliefs.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
This is also the parent that has instilled these patriarchal values in him. Here's the chorus. Scream in the name of a foreigner's God. Scream in the name of a foreigner's God, the purest expression of grief. Oh, my fucking God. Screaming the name of a foreigner's God, the purest expression of grief, because how else do we know how to express that?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
our outrage, our any explicative than through this Judeo-Christian lens. It's infiltrated our language. Throwback to me crying about the divinity of the Aurora Borealis 20 minutes ago. Okay. Verse two, wondering who I copy, mustering some tender charm. She feels no control of her body. She feels no safety in my arms.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
I've no language left to say it, but all I do is quake to her, breaking if I try conveying the broken love I make to her. I just can't.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
You bitches don't get it. Everyone say sorry hosier in the comments right now. Wondering who I copy, mustering some tender charm. She feels no control of her body. She feels no safety in my arms.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
If the song truly is supposed to represent Ireland, then the top line, she feels no control of her body, could refer to the fact that it wasn't until the early 20th century that Ireland began its own nation again. but is still split. Going with the top, the bottom line could refer to Hosier trying to do justice by bringing something back to her, but the damage has already been done.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Guess what a Cortado is? Three espresso shots. That was at 8 a.m. It's 7 p.m. Okay, then I had a Red Bull. Then I had a coffee. Then I had another Red Bull, a blueberry Red Bull. And then as of recently, I had a Red Bull Zero Sugar. or Red Bull Zero, and they've got monkey fruit. They do monkey fruit in there. What is it? Sugar, Red Bull, monkey fruit.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
I've no language left to say it. The song in general is about the pain of losing your own people's language, as most Irish people have lost fluency in Irish Gaelic. The most intimate things we do, like screaming out in sexual ecstasy, are bound by our conception, and our conceptions are bound by our language.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
If you're monolingual, your most private thoughts and most wild fantasies are still bordered by the possibilities structured in your language, in ways you're probably not even aware of. This song is a lament to that fact. Whoever the fuck wrote this on Genius? Holy shit. It's true. All that I've been taught and every word I've got is foreign to me.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Screaming the name of a foreigner's God, the purest expression of grief. There are so many layers to this of both, you know, when you're thinking about it through the Catholic church lens. where 100% of the time when children are raised in a Catholic upbringing, a Catholic church, a Catholic school, they didn't pick that. This is something being forced on them.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
And forever, from now until the end of time, your worldview will be impacted by your time spent in the Catholic church. And that's not just the Catholic church, any church, any religious institution that you were brought up in as a child. Feel however you want to feel about that, but acknowledge that that happened.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Acknowledge that your worldview is, for better or worse, clouded by a religious aroma, right? Everything you do, say, hear, and know is being pushed through a filter, a cheesecloth filter. of religion. And that does something to the brain. So that's one layer to this.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Another layer is, of course, the oppressive history of the British Empire on Ireland, the bloody history of Ireland with respect to Great Britain. the attempted and demi-successful killing off of the Irish people, the loss of the Irish language, the abuses in the Irish church, all of these things where it ties back into the language that we use to describe such atrocities.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
And this is prevalent in a lot of poetry around colonialism or slavery when it comes to, I'm speaking the colonizer's language. And I think this is, in a sense, this is what this song is about. You know, the way that I'm even singing this song and expressing these heavy thoughts I have is through, it's in English. I'm not English. So. That's another.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
I'm really intrigued by she feels no control of her body. She feels no safety in my arms. I want to say that there's also a level of ever-present in Hosier's works is this plea for women's rights. And Swan Upon Leda, which... Fuck, let's read that one next. Swan Upon Leda is another one that is... He released this during... Oh, this is 2023. I thought he released this during the pandemic.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
He released this right around when Roe v. Wade was overturned. And I think he had had it. It had been in the arsenal for a while. And he decided to share it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
That I don't have control over my own body. I don't have autonomy. Laws regulate my body. And I am a walking womb to these fucking people, you know? And it's just like this, this sweeping sense of just numbness of like, I cannot believe. And so to have him release this was such a beautiful display of like, I can't do much, but here's what I can offer, you know? Okay.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
A husband waits outside. A crying child pushes a child into the night. She was told he would come this time without leaving so much as a feather behind. To enact at last the perfect plan, one more sweet boy to be butchered by man. But the gateway to the world was still outside the reach of him, would never belong to angels, had never belonged to men. The swan upon Leda, empire upon Jerusalem.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
A grandmother smuggling meds passed where the god-child soldier Setanta stood dead. Our graceful turner of heads. Weaves through the checkpoints like a needle and thread. Someone's frightened boy waves her on. She offers a mother's smile as soon as she's gone. The gateway to the world, the gun in a trembling hand. Where nature unmakes the boundary, the pillar of myth still stands.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
The swan upon Leda, occupier upon ancient land. The gateway to the world was still outside the reach of him. Wood never belonged to angels, had never belonged to men.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Monkey, what is monk fruit in Red Bull? What the fuck is monk fruit? Monk fruit extract, a plant-based sweetener. combines with erythritol, a sugar alcohol, and sucralose. You know what makes me feel good about that is that I can't pronounce any of those ingredients and also surely none of it's in the Bible. That's how you know it's good for you. That's how you know it's going to embalm you.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
So a lot of themes here. I don't know what genius is about to sort of detail here, but again, we're dealing with themes of war and abortion and forced pregnancies and separated families and occupied lands and colonialism. And I mean, the list just goes on and on because they're, they're all intertwined. They're all coexisting and one is a cause of the other, you know?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
So first of all, let's, let's look up Swan upon Leda and, And if I'm not mistaken, I think that this is... It's an old myth and it has to do with a god assaulting a goddess or a nymph and... Some form of that, some form of a male god exerting dominance and sexual ownership over a goddess. I'm fairly certain. Let me go ahead and double check.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
In Greek mythology, the myth of Leda and the swan tells of Zeus seducing Leda, the queen of Sparta, in the form of a swan. Zeus, the king of the gods, transformed into a swan to seduce Leda. Leda slept with the swan and then with her husband, King Tyndareus, on the same night. Leda laid two eggs that hatched four children.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Helene... Okay, so knowing that it's a myth, let's go back to the lyrics and... Let's go, I guess, line for line. Buckle up. Buckle in. So, yes, this does reference Zeus as the swan assaulting Leda and her burying his children. as is custom of the olden times, a husband would wait outside while the wife gives birth. The second line, a crying child pushes a child into the night.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
I think we can sort of understand what he's saying there. She was told he would come this time without leaving so much as a feather behind to enact at last the perfect plan, one more sweet boy to be butchered by men. So that's the swan leaving.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Genius says this seems to be about the way patriarchal society destroys boys as well as girls, raising them with toxic ideas about women, punishing them for expressing emotion or affection, and turning them into agents of the structures that hurt them, a game where not even the winners get to truly win. But the gateway to the world was still outside the reach of him.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Wood never belonged to angels, had never belonged to men. The swan upon Leda, empire upon Jerusalem. Empire upon Jerusalem seems to allude to the annexation of Jerusalem by various empires as akin to Zeus' sexual assault of Leda in Greek mythology. Ireland recognizes the statehood of Palestine, and it is a significant topic of modern discourse in Ireland.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Hosier's reference to border crossing could suggest that mankind's empires and various seizures of the Holy Land and the lore of Christianity have laid waste to one of the holiest places on earth.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
In Christianity, this would be considered the birthplace of Jesus and a sacred place to be venerated, but the parallel drawn may be that it is the birthplace of conflict via the imagery of a child born of a salt. In the second verse about the grandmother smuggling medicine in past the guard soldier who is a child himself.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
And looks at him knowingly with this gaze of, you know, you're a young boy and I am a mother. And I know that this situation we're in is just, it's just that acknowledgement. You know, it's still a young boy. He's afraid. And now he's been armed. And that line about, you know, the trembling hand with the gun in it, I mean, it's just so beautifully written. Shit.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
When I say I love Hosier, this is, I mean, it's one thing to say it, and it's another thing to just spend time with the art. And I would be doing y'all a disservice if I continued to just talk about, oh, his lyrics, his lyrics, his lyrics, and not actually, are you hearing this? Here's another one. This song is called To Be Alone. This is one of my favorites.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Once again, a topic that continues to come up on this podcast and in my life that has no means being a sort of evergreen topic that we should always be discussing or that somehow always comes up in conversation. But here it is, once again, being immortal is not a blessing, okay? And everyone knows my opinions on being immortal. It's a curse, right? That the beauty of life is that it's finite.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
These lyrics are a bit more straightforward, right? We don't have to do so much annotating and Cliff's notes on it. This one is also, the melody is so fucking good. He sings his face off. And this is, to me, the pinnacle of what a good fucking song is, to me, my opinion. It's a great melody, a great vocalist, talented instrumentalist, and lyrics that just...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Stand alone as a poem, I would be, but he also managed to add a fantastic melody that's catchy. It's got a hook, you know, to it and live. Don't even get me started on how it sounds live. Never feel too good in crowds, with folks around, when they're playing the anthems of rape culture loud. Crude and proud, creatures baying. All I've ever done is hide from our times.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
When you're near me, honey, when you kill the lights and kiss my eyes, I feel like a person for a moment of my life. But you don't know what hell you put me through. To have someone kiss the skin that crawls from you. To feel your weight in arms I'd never use. It's the God that heroin prays to. It feels good, girl, it feels good to be alone with you. There are questions I can't ask.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Now at last the worst is over. See the way you hold yourself. Reel against your body's borders. I know that you hate this place. Not a trace of me would argue. Honey, we should run away. Someday our baby and her mama and the damaged love she made. But I don't know what else that I would do than try to kiss the skin that crawls from you. To feel your weight in arms I'd never use.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
It's the God that heroin prays to. Can you fucking believe? Can you believe my favorite line? This also seems to be someone talking to their abuser. After an assault, many people feel their skin crawl when they experience a sensation that reminds them of it, even if they love and trust the person they're with now.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Trying to have consensual sex after surviving sexual violence can be incredibly frustrating because it can feel like your body is betraying you. It won't let you forget what you've gone through and can even drag your mind back to the incident. And I would add on to that, unfairly blame the person you're with or take it out on the
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Ideally, in an ideal scenario, you trust completely and they understand what's happened and have the utmost respect and caution with the situation. But it's one of those things that's just unfair. It's unfair. Even him starting the song with, you know, I never feel too good in crowds with folks around when they're playing the anthems of rape culture loud.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
You know what that makes me think of is that fucking Robin Thicke song. You know the one I'm talking about, that one that it was everywhere. And it just, every song, every chart topper, it just, we live in such a hyper-sexualized culture and it's sick, right? And it's weird and it's too normalized. And it is, I don't think it's good or safe or healthy.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
And it empowers the wrong people, you know, to feel emboldened in their acts. So anyway, I didn't mean to bring the tone down. I didn't mean to bring the vibes down. But when I say I love Hosier, he is capable of that type of songwriting, tackling such heavy topics and putting them to songs that make it bearable. It makes it bearable.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
And Caleb and I talked about this, that your cup— It empties, okay? The cup doesn't runneth over. The cup empties, and that's what makes the monkey fruit so sweet. That's what makes the hydradextrin erythritol sugar alcohol sucralose so delicious, okay, is that it's not forever. But I think I've changed my mind on it. I'd like to live forever now. And I believe. I believe. I believe. I believe.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
And it's that, but he also has silly sexual songs about being so in love with your partner and lustful and how that is as much a part of reciprocated romantic love as all the emotional things. And it's not... Sex doesn't overpower the emotional side and the emotional side doesn't overpower sex. It's in a perfect scenario.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
It's this beautiful harmony where, you know, it's a current that flows and ebbs and never stops. And it's beautiful. He's got a song called Moment Silence about fucking. Plenty of his songs are about fucking, which I'm down with. But then there's also songs about the church and religious trauma. And I, oh my God, just love him. Love him to goddamn death.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
One of my favorite songs by him of all time. I've talked about it. It's Empire Now. Empire Now is so good. Blood Upon the Snow from the God of War soundtrack. What? Arguably top three hosiery songs ever. And it was on a fucking video game soundtrack.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Okay. That'll do it for me this week, guys. Love you. Thanks for rocking with me and my heavy topics and me crying and the lamp dream and the Aurora Borealis. Shout out. And yeah, if you want some merch, go grab it. I'm not stopping you. No one's stopping you. Broski.shop and go check out Royal Court, my medieval interview show. All right. I'll see y'all next week. Love you. Be good. Bye.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
That's from Book of Mormon. And that's a funny, it's actually a funny song because in Book of Mormon, that whole song is pointing out how kind of silly some of their beliefs are. I believe that a man came down and granted only the Mormons with eternal life. That's kind of the song. Anyway, I do believe that I've consumed enough Red Bull in my lifetime that I am preserved.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
You see my beautiful glowing skin. You see my strong little frame, okay? You see my pearlescent my pearlescent shine. And I know you're wondering, how does she have that beauty of youth? How does she have that eternal life glow? Well, Monkey Fruit Red Bull, make it for asking. They're never going to sponsor me.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Mask off, fuck it, mask off. Welcome back to the Broski Report. I've had... well over the daily maximum allotment of caffeine, which we all know, collectively, let's say it, 400 milligrams. I've Googled that plenty of times on this podcast. And I look a little bit like John Lennon today, and it's kind of bothering me. I think it's the no volume in my hair.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Ow. The monkey fruit, it's in my blood. Red Bull watching this like, maybe we should stop sending her PR.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Drewski's like another topic that continuously comes up and I have no problem talking about Drewski. I love him. He's got this bit where he goes... He'll have people come on, could have been records or wherever. He'll be interviewing people on the street or, you know, he's just anything where he's talking to someone to the camera and someone will come up and, you know, he'll interact with them.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Then they'll go away and he'll turn around. He'll go, yeah, man, he didn't know. Yeah, he's lost.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Yeah, man, he's lost. You know, he doesn't really... He doesn't really have a direction in life. Yeah, man, he didn't know that song. He lied. That's not making sense. I'm not doing the bit justice.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Stupid. Okay, let's move on from how the monkey fruit is going to make me live forever. Actually, no, I'd like to go back to that. What do we think is the long-term side effects of consuming monkey fruit? Is monk fruit bad for you?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
The FDA, which is sort of not trustable or any marker or checkmark of health and wellness in this country, I really wouldn't put it past the FDA to approve cyanide as long as it's in a small enough dose. As long as, look, we gave it to some squirrels and they only died after 24 hours, not after 12. So it's fine to put in Cheez-Its.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Okay, we put the monkey fruit and the cyanide in the Cheez-Its, but only in the limited edition flavor. Okay, in the pickle pizza flavor. In the ranch jumping jack pickled feet pizza flavor. Only available limited time at Jimmy John's. We only did that so it's not even going to affect the population that bad. So yeah, it's FDA approved. Stamp, check, move on. Monk fruit, good or bad?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
There is a consensus among experts that monk fruit is safe for consumption. In the amount typically used in foods and beverages. See what I'm talking about? I'm not that far off. They're like, yeah, you can chew on plastic and swallow it as long as it's not too much. Okay. It's important to note that some people may experience mild gastrointestinal side effects, such as bloating or diarrhea.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
However, these side effects are typically rare and resolve on their own. Okay. You guys go out and buy some monk fruit. Everyone go buy some monkey fruit and eat way too much of it. Okay, can I tell you something I've been actually kind of worried about? What the fuck is the lamp dream? What is the lamp dream? And why are people, why are women on TikTok having crises?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
I feel like I know, but I'd like to sort of explore it. Girl, the first fucking thing is a Reddit and Creepypasta link. What are y'all talking about? How have we somehow landed back on Creepypasta? How? How? Actually, that checks out. Okay. The internet is captivated by eerie lamp story. The lamp story, Reddit Creepypasta. Guys, fuck you. Let's read it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
There's something about a white guy that when they get to a certain age or they're into a certain type of media, they're like, it's okay, I can grow my hair out this long. And they're wrong. because it's not in a sort of Fabian kind of fantasy romance novel lead way, you know, where he's got war braids, okay? John Lennon didn't have war braids. We weren't doing Viking John Lennon.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Notice, this is an allegedly true story posted in the comment section of an r slash ask Reddit post. Okay. One second. Okay, go ahead and rewind for me. Let's go back to that original Google search because r slash glitch in the matrix. Let me go ahead and cut to the chase of what we're talking about. I feel like I'm an apparition. I have so much caffeine in my system right now.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
I feel like a ghostly form. You know, when you go on a ghost tour in like a city, do y'all do that? When you go to a new city, are you like, gonna check out the local haunts? I always go on a ghost tour in the city I'm going to. One of the best ones I've ever been on was in San Antonio, Texas. Y'all need to go on that walking tour. I wish I remembered the name of the company that puts it on.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
But the guy dressed up like a fucking ghost. And that's how you know it's gonna be good. That's how you know he takes his job seriously. And they took us to this hotel called, I think I've talked about this before a long time ago. They took us to this hotel called the Yellow Rose Hotel. like the Yellow Rose of Texas, or maybe it's called the Elizabeth. I don't remember.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
It's one of those super high-rise hotels in downtown San Antonio. Apparently the top, just picked a booger, that's cool, the very top floor used to be the surgery level, okay? And now it is permanently stained in the walls. It smells like formaldehyde or like that anesthesia smell to sterilize things.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
And the service elevator in that hotel was the old body chute because at the very basement of this hotel was a mortuarium. It was a crematorium. You know what I'm trying to say. They would burn the bodies, the sick, dead bodies. So have a great sleep tonight. Here's the lamp story.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
Creepypasta time! This is an allegedly true story posted in the comment section of an r slash ask Reddit post. The question was, have you ever felt a deep connection to a person you've met in a dream? The original post was made years ago on a throwaway account. A screenshot can be found here. Throwaway account, because this is really personal. Okay, okay, okay.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
This story is also known as a parallel life or awoken by a lamp. Here we go. My last semester at a certain college... Oh, Jesus Christ. Trigger warning, guys. Hey, why'd you type it like that? Okay. After two years, she graced me with her seed. Okay. I had a great job and my wife didn't have to work outside of the house. When my daughter was two, she bore me a son. What?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
When my daughter was two, my wife bore me a son. My son was the joy of my life. I would walk into his room every morning before I left for work and doted on him and my daughter. One day while sitting on the couch, I noticed that the perspective of the lamp was odd, like inverted. It was still in 3D, but just wrong.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
It was a square lamp base, red with gold trim on four legs and a white square shade. I was transfixed. I couldn't look away from it. I stayed up all night staring at it. The next morning, I didn't go to work. Something was just not right about that lamp. I stopped eating. I left the couch only to use the bathroom at first. Soon I stopped that too as I wasn't eating or drinking.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
I stared at the fucking lamp for three days before my wife got really worried. She had someone come and try to talk to me. By this time, my cognizance was breaking up and my wife was freaking out. She took the kids to her mother's house just before I had my epiphany. The lamp is not real. The house is not real. My wife, my kids, none of that is real.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
We're doing stinky, greasy, stringy, long hair on a white dude, okay? And there's nothing worse because you can smell that musk from 30 feet away.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
The last 10 years of my life are not fucking real. The lamp started to grow wider and deeper. It was still inverted dimensions. It took up my entire perspective, and all I could see was red. I heard voices, screams, all kinds of weird noises, and I became aware of pain. A fucking shit ton of pain. The first words I said were, I'm missing teeth, and I opened my eyes.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
85: Discussing the Lamp Dream
I was laying on my back on the sidewalk, surrounded by people that I didn't know. Lots were freaking out. I was completely confused. At some point, a cop scooped me up, dragged, walked me across the sidewalk and grass and threw me face down in the back of a cop car. I was still confused. I was taken to the hospital by the cop and gave CT scans and shit.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
77: God’s Brother: Santa Claus
Direct from the Broski Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California, this is the Broski Report with your host, Brittany Broski.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
80: Count Orlok Teaches Thermodynamics
Direct from the Broski Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California, this is the Broski Report with your host, Brittany Broski.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
When you get all the way down there to like Kilkenny, hey, what the fuck are you guys saying? But I'm going to decode it. I'm going to figure it out because I care. It's tough.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Let's move on to some stuff that I've been meaning to Google lately. What the fuck is a charley horse? Have I already looked this up? A Charlie, okay, now it's spelled C-H-A-R-L-E-Y is a common term for a muscle cramp, particularly in the calf muscle. Calf is my, my calf is not my thigh. It is lower calf. Why is it called a calf? Why is my leg meat called a calf?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
The word calf to describe the back of the lower leg likely comes from Old Norse kalfi. The word might share a root with the Germanic word kalb, which is also used for young cow. And a Proto-Indo-European, whoa! Proto-Indo-European word, gilb, meaning swell. The swelling or rounded shape of the leg muscle might have influenced the naming of both the area of the leg and the young cow.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
So it's Nordic and Proto-Indo-European. Crazy. Early 14th century. That's nuts. Now, I did just read that from Reddit r slash etymology, which I will be subscribing to, actually. That's nuts. Yeah, my leg meat. I get these sometimes out of nowhere. And I guess that's the whole point, right?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
But when you get a Charlie horse, isn't that because, well, I do want to know why they call it a Charlie horse. Is it because a horse, it feels like a horse is chomping on your leg meat? Is a horse like kind of going to town on your leg meat? Did that happen to one guy? And they were like, fucking Charlie. The horses love Charlie. You know that meme that's like,
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
When I get real mad, I print out this photo of Louis Tomlinson and chew on it. Y'all know that meme? I used to pour milk on my Hannah Montana pillow and throw it against the wall and it would make a loud thwop sound. Y'all know that meme? Guys, don't leave me out. Hannah Montana pillow meme. Yeah, this one.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
I used to have this Hannah Montana pillow that I used to pour milk on and suck the milk back.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
I used to suck the milk back out of it. Okay. Where's the Louis Tomlinson one? Louis Tomlinson biting meme.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
I don't know. I don't know. The bullshit on my Instagram explore page could probably put me in an institution. I'll be honest. Look at this crazy screenshot I grabbed the other day. It is my ExplorePlage. ExplorePlage. My ExplorePlage. Like, what is that stutter? I've never heard anyone else who has that stutter.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Okay, now clearly it's not him making that noise, but I do want to show one of them who does make the noise.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Why do I do that? And here come the linguists in the comments. Well, it's actually because you're speaking at the front of your mouth and this actually happens a lot with, okay. Just tell me I have the goat stutter and move on. We actually call this the goat stutter.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Okay, a Charlie horse. Who the hell was Charlie? Team, side note. This summer, we don't have time to be tired or thirsty, okay? We're booked, we're busy, we're running around the city. We're running on vibes, the fumes of vibes. However, to keep those vibes refreshed, we're gonna need some, say it with me, Dunkin' Refreshers. Good, good!
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
A Dunkin' Refresher is your secret weapon for staying energized and refreshed for whatever tomfoolery you guys get up to this summer, seriously. Let me show you how this rice horse runs, okay? See my beautiful cup here. Get some ASMR.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Here's the deal. A Dunkin' Refresher is customizable. Starts with five different options for a base. Green tea, water, sparkling water, black tea, oat milk. Okay? Then from there, stay with me, walk with me, from there, you pick your favorite flavor. And the current options are strawberry dragon fruit, mango pineapple, raspberry watermelon, tropical guava.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Now what I'm rocking with here today, right now, is actually going to be a water base, water, with the strawberry dragon fruit in it. But you gotta get it ice cold. It's filled to the... It's filled to the brim with ice. And then I do, you know, the normal amount of strawberry dragon fruit. Cause I'm normal, very normal. And then water. And that's it for me.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
I love him, dude. He has a grip on my life right now. Please just keep with me, guys. I'm sorry. I will be over it. Give it another week or two. I'll be done. I promise. Do you remember in 2022 when I had that Robert Pattinson fixation? That lasted for, I'm not joking, about two, three months. Whenever Batman came out. Y'all stuck with me through that, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Well, in the merry month of May, from my home I started, left the girls a tomb, nearly broken-hearted, saluted father dear, kissed my darling mother, drank a pint of beer, my grief and tears to smother, then off to reap the corn, leave where I was born, cut a stout black thorn to banish ghosts and goblins, a brand new pair of brogues, rattling o'er the bogs, frightening all the dogs on the rocky road to Dublin, one, two, three, four, five, hunt the hare and turn her down the rocky road and all the way to Dublin, rock...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Like a baby. So I'm doing strawberry dragon fruit water right now, but maybe one day soon when I'm feeling crazy!
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Let your creativity run wild with the perfect go-to summer sip. Thanks, Duncan. I love you guys. You guys are like a father and mother to me and a brother and sister to me and like a refresher. You're like a refresher to me.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Dehydration, age, pregnancy, and certain medical conditions may increase the risk of charley horse. Massage can relieve cramping pain, stretches and hydration during exercise or work. Okay. Should you rub a charley horse? Hey, watch out. See, I don't even need a boyfriend for real. I just need somebody to rub out my charley horse. When I get a charley horse, who's there to rub it?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Okay, sometimes I can't. Sometimes I'm locked up, I'm stove up. I can't get down there and rub my horse. Sometimes the horse needs to be rubbed. I was off a gummy the other day, just in my home. I was simply in my home. And I was making myself dinner and I, what came to mind is, 10,000 years will give you such a crick in the neck. And then when he goes, did you rub my lamp?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
You guys wouldn't last one day in my mind.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
When are they going to let a bro girl do the genie live action remake? Will Smith had his time as the genie. It's my turn. Let me do it. Except it's just me doing a Robin Williams impression the whole time.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
I'm in the mood to help you, dude. I'm in the mood to help you, dude. Because he's a goat. That's not the part where he's a goat. That's when they're in the city.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Now, do you also, the Pedro Pascal phase? That was a long one. And then I gave it up and now he's back, okay? And I've relapsed. It comes in waves. I had an Oscar Isaac phase, short-lived. So sometimes it's short, sometimes it's long. Sebastian Stan, he came out of nowhere.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
You guys don't get a lot. My two favorite Disney movies ever, ever. Aladdin and Hercules. Are you kidding me? It doesn't. They peaked. They peaked. And when Disney, listen to me manifest this right now. Listen to me speak this into the wide, vast universe.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
When Disney decides to do a return to 2D animation, and I mean 2D 90s era animation, by popular demand, I will be acting, I will be voice acting in that revival. Trust, trust when I speak this into the universe. Oh my God, I guess I can talk about this now. I was in, I voice acted in something Disney. I voice acted in Hamster and Gretel. Like gag.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Hamster and Gretel, which is kind of like a Phineas and Ferb spinoff. I was Grandma Trudy. I voice acted in it!
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
I cried. I cried. I called my parents. I sobbed. What a dream come true. And I got a picture of me in front of the Disney animation studio like this. Come on, guys. Okay, who the hell is Charlie Horse? Massage helps to increase blood flow to the area, which can help to deliver oxygen and nutrients to the muscle and remove waste products that may be contributing to the cramp.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
There's a bunch of poop in my arteries. So there's a bunch of poop in my leg. Um, ew. Um, how did that get there? I've never once tried to rub out a charley horse. I just sit there. Ow! Ow! That's what I do for a charley horse. Where did the term charley horse come from? come from, I'm sweating down my back. I'm sweating down my back. Did I already look this up like a hundred episodes ago?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
One theory suggests that it refers to a horse named Charlie that was used to pull the groundskeeper's cart at a baseball field. The horse was known to have leg cramps, which the players would jokingly call Charlie horses. Another theory attributes the term to a baseball player named Charlie Radborn, who was known to suffer from leg cramps during games. Then why is it called a Charlie Horse?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
When I met him for Sundance last year, two years ago, that took over me like, and then I was with it for like a week and then it was gone. Jack O'Connell? I've seen every movie he's ever been in. I've seen every Vimeo student film project he's ever even gotten near. Oh, it's a level that's just, it's obsessive to a point that I can't even speak about it. I'd like to apologize.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Regardless of its exact origin, the term Charlie Horse has become a common colloquial term for a sudden, painful muscle cramp, typically in the leg. Now, see, I would believe that it was from a groundskeeper's cart at a baseball field. Charlie Horse. Oh, I got a Charlie Horse. Also not very inventive for the name. Right. I've got a Charlie knuckle. I'm going Charlie mode.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
That's what they should have said. I'm busting a fat Charlie. I'm busting a Charlie. That's what they should have said, but they didn't. Late 19th century. They never would have understood busting a fat Charlie. They never would have gotten that. But they did that so that I could come on here today and say, I had busted a fat Charlie and you know what I mean. Okay? It means I got a Charlie horse.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
It means my leg's cramping real bad. I need somebody to rub me out. My family and I have this inside joke that's like... I don't remember where it came from. Actually, I do. My mom's brother growing up, I guess while he was being potty trained, would sit on the commode. And when he was done, he'd go, Somebody come wipe my butt! Okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
And so we say that when my dad gets to hold the wipe his butt, he's going to start doing that. So... I don't know why I brought that up. Oh, because I need somebody to come rub out my Charlie horse and I need somebody to come wipe me. That's what, when dad starts, you know, being dad, we're like, remember, we're going to be the ones wiping you.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
So unless you want to be in an old folks home, you better be nice to us. I'm not wiping you if you talk to me like that. I might not wipe him, period. I'm going to pay my siblings to wipe my dad's butt. Ultimately, I am the oldest. That's not on me. I've done enough. That's on you guys. Figure it out. Best of luck. Okay, one more thing I've been meaning to Google. Male and female hummingbirds.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
How do hummingbirds breed? Male hummingbirds are typically more vibrant, often with a bright red iridescent throat patch called a gorget. Females, on the other hand, usually have a white or pale throat with less intense colors. That is very interesting to me. That is very interesting to me because something similar is with ducks, with mallards. I'd hate if my, if my, what is that called?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Scientific etymological name is mallard. You might as well call me a bastard. Bastard. Oh my God. I'm reading Game of Thrones right now. Like I'm reading it. Bastard. I forgot how like, God, they hate bastards on this show and this book. They are so mean to the bastards. I'd be nice to bastards if I was. Because that's not his fault. It's not his fault that his dad and his mom work together. Okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
That his dad's a hooker. Come over here, bastard. You're good with me. He's good with me. Bastard. I was about to look up duck bastard. Duck bastard. Duck mallard. Oh, the mallard is the man. The mallard is a dabbling duck that breathes throughout the temperate and subtropical Americas. Eurasia and North Africa. It's been introduced into, okay, don't care. Is a female duck a mallard?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
The female duck is called a hen or a duck. The male is called a drake. Oh, mallards are a species of duck.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Okay, I had no idea. The female is called a hen. That's not right. domestic duck yeah these white ducks i don't like white ducks because you might as well just be a damn swan at that point but look how why are they like that domestic ducks are ducks that have been domesticated and raised for meat and eggs that's crazy oh i like these indian runner duck oh my god wait i love them
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Guys, welcome back to the Broski Report. Long time no see. Many things on my mind today. Many a silly or serious topic. You guys pick. One, two, three. Hope you said serious because that's what I want to start with. Here's something that's been on my brain, on my noggin. See, what is that? It's been on my fucking brain. See, that feels more natural, but it's not.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
They're the real skinny ones and they like, it looks like they're on segues. Like they lean forward and they run and they quack, quack, quack, quack. Maybe I need a duck. Maybe I need a pet duck. The next time I film, look, they're so cute. Where are they going? Where are you guys going? The British Waterfowl Association. Now, you know these Brits go nuts about ducks.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
You know, they don't mess around. If it is the British Waterfowl Association, look, don't ever go against them in some trivia against ducks. Let me just read. We're going to read this paragraph just so I show you guys. I know they're not messing around.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
This breed was formerly classified as a light duck, but is now generally in a class of its own due to its popularity. Interbred with other types, the runner contributed to the ancestry of nearly all the light duck breeds, which have a lower carriage than it. There are now 14 standard colours in the UK and several more in Australia and Germany.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
The Bally is a crested runner, but is still judged as a light duck, the crest being an important additional criterion in judging. Judging? They're doing duck shows? ! Duck shows.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Who is Plucky Duck? I didn't mean actual. Do they do duck shows like dog shows? Yes, there are dog and duck shows. Oh, this is not what I mean. Often sheepdogs demonstrate their herding skills by rounding up ducks. No, I mean, are we showing off ducks the way that this British site is claiming that they are prized pigs? wow, this is a whole world. Who would know? Taxonomic classification.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
That's what I wanted to call it. Not etymological. That is the name origin itself, the word origin. Taxonomy is what I was looking at. How is it classified? What is the species? How is it classified? Is that called taxonomy? Taxonomy. The scientific study of naming, defining, and classifying groups of biological organisms based on shared characteristics. I'm a genius.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Moving on. Yeah, get into the Indian running duck. Indian runner duck. Shout out. Major shout out to those guys. And you want to know something? That show, Duck Dynasty, yeah, I was raised on that show. And I found the fact that they were doing all that for some ducks. Have you ever eaten duck? It's very... Duck is very gamey and they always do.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Here's what I found interesting as well every time I go to Europe, okay? Paris, Barcelona, Rome, London, for God's sake, Dublin, any of these cities that are either A, historically working class, B, buy a body of water, C, used to be used primarily as agricultural slash farming land, okay? Meaning this was not territory historically occupied by the ruling class.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Like for example, Paris, Palace of Versailles. Versailles is what, an hour away from Paris by car? I could be talking out of my ass. How close is Palace of Versailles from Paris? Yeah, it's like a 38 minute drive in Rome. Well, I mean, I guess it goes, how far back do you want to go? Because, of course, Rome was the capital of the Roman Empire.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
I mean, more so like very recently, let's say 1700s onward. A lot of the local cuisine that you will find in these places is working class people food. When you have something a la Romana or something that is historically localized to that region, like Basque country in Spain or whatever.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
It is incorporating ingredients from that region, which at the time would have been ingredients that are available to the working class. So when you're dealing with, you know, any dish that's a la romana, a lot of the time it incorporates like entrails and the parts of the animal that were not used. So you'd get the main meat from the cow or the sheep or the goat or whatever. You would sell that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
And then the family would be left with the rest of the animal. And that's what these recipes really come from, which is very interesting because us as Americans or Westerners, whatever, it's like, your gut reaction is to be like, oh, but it's not you. Cause when you try it, it's actually pretty good.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Some of you freaks are doing AP testing right now. I remember when I took my AP test. I passed all of them because that was my life worth. You know what I mean? As a high schooler, as a child, if I wasn't smart, what was I? Like that was just kind of how my relationship with my brain was in high school. I didn't have time to be depressed or anxious because I was studying. You know what I mean?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
And the flavors are so hearty and so complimentary to the natural flavors of these entrails and whatever part of the animal that has been used. And it's been passed down through family lineages, these recipes, it's part of the culture now. And it's part of the, um, the personality of the cuisine that's in these cities.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
So I always found that very interesting when you look at like French cuisine, like what's that scene in Ratatouille? That's two, two Ratatouille references in this episode. It's a poor, it's a working class dish. I mean, it's just garden vegetables, you know, with some sauce and he makes fun of it, right? He's like, that is a peasant dish or whatever he says. And it's fucking good.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Anyway, very interesting. Very interesting. And it also makes a lot of sense when you think about you cook what you got. And how amazing that these recipes now define these cities and the people and the culture of these cities. Speaking of which, Stanley Tucci has a new cooking show on Disney+. Yeah, I'm watching that. Not even an ad. This is not even an ad for it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
I'm just going to start watching it. Because he had that other show that was called Searching for Italy. Searching for Italy. Starring a one Stanley Tucci. He's also got that show that he has celebrities on where they cook and they all sit and they eat and they talk. Oh, I want to go on it so bad. I have a fascination and fixation on Stanley Tucci.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
I think it's because I want to be him when I grow up. There's something very magnetic about Stanley Tucci to me that I don't think a lot. I think a lot of you guys act like you get it, but you don't get it. You don't get where I'm coming from with Stanley Tucci. Seriously. He just, I love him. I love him to death.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
He is in that class of person, almost like an Anthony Bourdain to me, where they see the world so clearly for what it is. There's no... There's no, I guess, reservations about what it is we're living through and what we're looking at. And yet through all of it, they're optimistic. I really, really look up to that. They're cultured. Here's something else I wanted to bring up to you guys.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
I hosted Brandcast. which is a celebration of YouTube, really. This marks 20 years that YouTube has been around and has been this monolith of media and entertainment and culture, an epicenter of culture, really. And so they asked me to host this event, which is put on for the sponsors. YouTube is the number one streaming platform ever for the last two years in a row.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
I mean, beating even these streaming other more famous streaming platforms. And so it's a big honor to be a part of that conversation, you know, of how YouTube is changing not only the game, but the world access to these type of creator led videos and channels and projects. And it's just very exciting. So they had me host and And it was so much fun. I got to meet Sean Evans!
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
I got to meet Sean Evans! Who remembers this video? When I made Bestie Taylor dress up as Sean Evans and we ordered Aspern chicken wings. And she asked me some horrible questions. I've loved Sean Evans for so long. And I say this every chance I get, but Royal Court, from the beginning, when we started to make Royal Court, I absolutely had Hot Ones in mind. I have never seen anything like Hot Ones.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
And not only have I not seen it, what Hot Ones has accomplished by shattering this glass barrier between, I guess, just average viewer, American viewer, and international celebrity. And they've always felt so untouchable. And I think that really started to shift during COVID. in a major way.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Then I hit 21, 22, and I was like, oh, this is what you guys were talking about. Oh, I'm actually, I've arrived at the party now. Anyway. So AP testing for me, I did all AP classes in high school. I never took one regular class because I was like, that's not my destiny, okay? I have to be really good at this one thing. The only, and this checks out now that I'm thinking about it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
But Hot Ones, honestly, is part of that conversation of tearing down this wall of really researching the guest, bringing them down from God level to human level, and making them suffer eating hot chicken wings. It's like there's nothing more normal and human than eating something way too spicy and freaking out. You know what I mean? And watching someone suffer in that way.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
I think that it's just genius and it's so simple and it works. And so a lot of that realm of interview, meaning humanizing the guest, I wanted to bring into royal court. And I think we've done that in a unique and... personalized way that's personal to me. It's my ability to find common ground with that guest and to humanize them to y'all the way that I am human to you guys.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
And it's such a fun endeavor and Sometimes it's incredibly successful and sometimes I feel like, you know, I need to work on myself as an interviewer. And that's part of the process is there are so many different types of personalities and backgrounds and people come into it with a willingness because I don't have the high stakes that Hot Ones has. But royal court works in its own way.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
And it's so much fun to do. So, yeah, I got to meet Sean Evans and I kind of told him that in so many words because we were only together for so long of like he's such an inspiration. And I think that his respect level for the guests that he has on is that's king to me. And it is my humble mission to emulate what he has kind of built, not rip off the bit.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
But Sean Evans has such a gentle demeanor, a gentle approach where he just really wants to make you feel comfortable and and ask you some great questions, great research questions. And it's just really great guy. So that was kind of gag to get to meet him because love him to death. Also met Johnny Harris. Freaked the fuck out. Love Johnny Harris. Yeah, it was crazy.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Such a really, really cool opportunity. And I felt very, very loved by YouTube. I mean, I love this platform and I love... being a creator on here, and it's changed my life in so many ways. And so to have that love be kind of reciprocated from the platform, it means a lot, especially as a woman.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
A lot of them, major famous creators who we know from YouTube are men who run these multi-million, billion-dollar production companies or... are operating at this level that's just unheard of before. It's majority men and that's upsetting and frustrating, you know? So to even have my hat in the ring of someone who is attempting to climb that ladder of
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
building this into something way bigger, you know, and arguably we already kind of have, I mean, I have a full team and crew that works on pretty much everything except this. This is just me in my house with four walls, but you'd never know. You'd never know the way I'm looking around, talking to myself, talking to bouncing stuff off the wall. Yeah.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
All my personalities are in this room with me here. Okay. So I'm never alone. I'm never alone. Anyway, Debrinkas, that was really, really fun.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
That song is a work of art. I was... Are you out of your mind? Gaga is just truly a generation-defining talent. She is a one-of-one, Lady Gaga. Are you out of your mind? I was blown away. I've seen Gaga live before. I saw her during the Art Pop Ball. I saw that, which was in like, what, 2014, 2015? That was the last time I saw Gaga live. So this was like, wow, wow, wow, wow. I love her.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Freaked out. Okay, that just about does it for me, team. I'm going to leave you with my songs of the week, which are all Irish songs. Just, I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it. You're going to get cultured one way or another. And it's whatever I'm hyper fixating on that week. So I don't want to hear it. You guys don't have the mic. I have the mic.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
So pull up Spotify and play this song. Traveling. It feels like summertime. Damn it. So I'm going to pull up because my shit hasn't updated.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
The only class that I took that I did not place in, like that I didn't get college credit for was my calculus class. Hate math. I'm not good at math. I've never been good at math. And it makes me feel stupid because I am, what is that? I'm right-brained? What side of the brain is creative? Right. According to popular voo, create, voo?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Here we go. Okay, here are a few. Star of the County Down by the High Kings. Whiskey in the Jar, the Dubliners. Rocky Road to Dublin Live, the Dubliners. Which, by the way, that version, Rocky Road to Dublin Live by the Dubliners, was in Sherlock Holmes. Robert Downey Jr. Sherlock Holmes. Did I recognize it? Yes.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Because it's when he finishes in the fighting ring and he goes behind the bar and grabs a bottle of wine and opens it with his mouth and starts drinking it. And it's... Anyway. Irish Rover by the Pogues and the Dubliners. The Parting Glass by the High Kings. And alternately, let me suggest, Hosier's version of The Parting Glass and Ed Sheeran's version of The Parting Glass.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
You want to know one of my favorite songs of all time? It's Make It Rain by Ed Sheeran, which was on some soundtrack. Sons of Anarchy. That? Sons of Anarchy? It was on that soundtrack. And I don't know if he wrote it for that soundtrack or if it was just on the album and they put it on this. I don't know. That is one of my favorite songs ever. I like weird...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
bluesy, I don't even know what you would call it. Just like, damn. Another song like that is by Chris Stapleton. It's called Death Row. Death Row by Chris Stapleton. Oh, it's one of my favorite songs ever. Not commercially successful songs by any means, just they speak to me. And one more for you, Whiskey or the Devil by the Clancy Brothers, Tommy Meckham and Liam Clancy.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Those are my songs of the week. And next week I'll have something a little different for you. But right now we're just doing Irish. Right now we're doing Irish traditional. Thank you so much. If you want merchandise, go to broski.shop. We've got moomoos. We've got t-shirts. We've got hoodies. If you want music, go search Brittany Broski on wherever you listen to music. Come on.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
I've got a single out. I've got a Harry Styles cover out. Maybe something else coming later this month. Whatever. Go listen to it. Go do what you need to do. I'm going to leave you to it. I will see you guys next week. Y'all be good. Bye-bye.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
According to popular view, creativity is a product of the brain's right hemisphere. Innovative people are considered right brain thinkers, while left brain thinkers are thought to be analytical and logical.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
The rat! Hey, that was good. That was really good. While it's a popular misconception that math is primarily a left brain function, it's more accurate to say that mathematical processing involves both the left and right hemisphere of the brain. Crap. What the flip? Okay, fine. Well, whatever. I'm not really, I'm not into that. I'm not into all that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
So I thought it would be fun today to do some sample free response questions. Let's see what we've got here. And I'm just gonna kind of free ball these. And if there are any teachers in the audience, in the crowd, this is a recorded podcast. If there's anyone in the live audience right now who would like to grade this, Just keep in mind that I'm not all there.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
If anyone's thinking about being critical of me or mean to me, just consider the fact that my screws are loose and something is wrong. Keep that in mind before you move forward. Okay, here we go. Many works of literature explore a character's sense of lacking something important in life.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
The character perceives an unfulfilled need, which may be emotional, spiritual, financial, or something the character does not understand or cannot articulate. Either from your own reading or from the following list, choose a work of fiction in which such a feeling is explored.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Then, in a well-written essay, analyze how the character's sense of an unfulfilled need contributes to an interpretation of the work as a whole. Do not merely summarize the plot. Okay, you want to know what came to mind immediately reading this prompt? Lightning McQueen in Cars. Lightning McQueen in Cars. Let me restate the prompt. A character's sense of lacking something important in life.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Choose a work of fiction in which such a feeling is explored. Analyze how the character's sense of an unfulfilled need contributes to an interpretation of the work as a whole. So here's the thing about Lightning McQueen. And again, English teachers, take it easy on me and just, you know, don't... Don't go in heavy-handed with that red pin because, no, this is off the dome. I'm free-balling.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
The accent wasn't great. Okay, here are my notes. Okay, I'm doing notes. Gays, please, I just said gays. Gays, give me notes. And I know you bitches have them. Notes are the Irish accent is not that strong. Really needs to be better. I can't nail a singular Irish accent, which is hard for me to admit because I like to think I'm an accent queen. I like to think I'm a character queen.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
I'm spit-balling here. Lightning McQueen, to me, represents a big pocket of something missing in American culture. And I think Lightning McQueen represents the American dream for a lot of people, right? NASCAR or the American racing circuit being the sort of symbolism here. You get money, fame, fortune, girls, access. But what are you critically lacking? Community, right?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Direct from the Broski Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California, this is the Broski Report with your host, Brittany Broski.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
You start running in these 1% circles. You start brown nosing, bumping elbows with people that you used to idolize, you used to look up to. And it's disappointing. And what you were hoping to find, what you were seeking, which is acceptance, belonging, worth, self-efficacy, self-importance, a purpose, that doesn't necessarily go hand in hand with achieving success. Okay.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Now to break apart achieving success, I think there are levels to it. Success can be financial success. I think that's the one that we think of the most, but there is a level there of, you know, we're talking James Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Big time rush. This is what I'm always coming back to, guys. Big time hierarchy of needs. What's at the very top?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Community, self-love, knowing yourself, all of these things that are abstract, high-level, humanoid wants and desires. To complete that trifecta of what delivers happiness and purpose. I think Lightning McQueen and his journey through Radiator Springs sort of summarizes, you didn't even know that was missing, but you knew that you weren't happy.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
So life has a way of forcing you down that road that you would never choose yourself. You would never choose to literally and metaphorically change. go down that road, that dirt road into a small town and meet these wonderful people who teach you more about yourself than you ever knew before or that you probably ever would come to know.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
And I don't think it is a mistake that this message was delivered to Lightning McQueen through the this idea of a small abandoned town, this town that was developed around, I mean, who was Stanley? He found oil reserves. Was that what it was? Stanley's oil caverns.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
That was a boom town that, you know, suddenly when they built the highway, when they built Route 66, it diverted tourist traffic or the people who live there. And, you know, now it's just all these people that are left and that serve as sort of relics of The golden age of America. When business was booming and life could be a dream. Boom, do, do, do, shaboom. Right? That's kind of behind us.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
And what's left is... This, like, bluesy, forgotten, sandy, dirty, rusted town. So... The fact that Lightning McQueen finds a family, found family, and people with real grit and personality and stories and love, he's lacking that in his real life. So back to the question at hand. Analyze how the character's sense of an unfulfilled need contributes to an interpretation of the work as a whole.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Takes a long time, okay? In the lifespan of Brittany, the Ireland thing is relatively new. I've been doing Towie and Essex, South London, way longer than I've had this Irish fixation. And now I've come over, okay? I've switched sides. But I find it hard. I find it kind of hard, right? It's not good. And the North of Ireland is so much different than like the Dublin accent from Cork, right?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Did I not just fucking do that? I kind of ate. I kind of ate. Radiator Springs represents the American small town and how it is dying. And with that, dialects, culture, traditions are dying. As people move into big cities, you know, suburbia, whatever, you lose the connection with your community and your neighbors and therefore kind of your humanity.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Lightning McQueen represents the closest thing that Americans have to royalty, which is celebrity. And celebrity, of course, there's different levels to celebrity, but Lightning McQueen's case is being famous for being really good at what you do. With that comes arrogance. With that comes a fan base. With that comes fame. you know, all the negative and positive sides of fame, but it is empty.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
And so that is the larger hole that Radiator Springs fills for Lightning McQueen. This has been my AP response. Thank you so much. Let's do one more. Ooh, okay. Okay, okay. In many works of fiction, houses take on symbolic importance. Such houses may be literal houses or unconventional ones, like hotels, monasteries, or boats.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Either from your own reading or from the list below, choose a work of fiction in which a literal or unconventional house serves as a significant symbol. Then, in a well-written essay, analyze how this house contributes to an interpretation of the work as a whole. Off the bat, I'm thinking of Psycho, Norman Bates. I'm also thinking of Bates Motel, which is the same story.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
It's just the hotel that they own. And how obviously the hotel is the... not only the literal scene, but the metaphor for, you know, people passing through these people who are maybe hoping to remain anonymous, who are on the run, who are, there's something to be said about the motel, the American motel. And Orville Peck has some really good thoughts on this concept.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
And I kind of heard it from him for the first time of there's a unique quality to an American motel. and how so many walks of life have passed through some of these iconic buildings and what it represents and what it means, you know, the working class or scraping together the money that it takes for one night in a motel, families, single women, single men.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
It's just like, what a strange liminal place that is somehow very American. I think that could be one. I'm also, I'm thinking... I'd like to say, actually, Dracula's castle. Houses take on symbolic importance. I would say Dracula's castle represents the ancient and older-than-old nature and almost adherence to tradition that Count Dracula has.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Through all the different interpretations from Bram Stoker's Dracula to Robert Eggers' Nosferatu, I think that, obviously because that's the most recent one on my mind, this insistence on, you will refer to me by my family's name, this is how he does things and has always does things, for someone who cannot die,
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
Dracula's castle represents him and his being and his mission, which I think as long as Count Dracula stands, so will this castle, right? And maybe one of them will outlive each other. I think that's a very interesting parallel, or I guess mirror, of the castle... is that way because Dracula is that way and Dracula is that way because the castle is that way.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
And what it represents, you know, alone on a hill, untouchable, he will come to you. And if you happen to wander into his, you know what I mean? Like there's so much symbolism in what a castle represents. Also an abandoned sort of decrepit castle. Dracula's whole thing is he turns people, right? He captures people and makes them his servants.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
94: Leg Cramps & Bird Anatomy
I think in a mansion as infinitely large as Dracula's castle, there will always be room for his victims, he is forever asserting himself as the Lord of the Manor by turning all of his minions. There's a symbolic nature there of being trapped, where you can enter, but you may never leave, or you will never leave the same. Man, I'm kind of cooking.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
Okay, so this story is categorized as a fairy tale. And when you think of fairy tale, you think of what? Cinderella, Brothers Grimm, Little Red Riding Hood, things like that. And what is the point of a fairy tale? What is the purpose? Let me read this passage that he has in here, because I literally underlined it, annotated it, highlighted it. It's so, I was like, period, bitch.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
The point about fairy stories is that they are written not merely without a moral, but without a morality. They take place in a world beyond good and evil, where people or animals suffer or prosper for reasons unconnected with ethical merit, for being ugly or beautiful, respectively, for instance, or for even more unsatisfactory reasons. I love that because that's true.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
So let's get into that. Before I jump into that, however, we're going to do a quick book club because I just finished the book series that I've been reading for literally the last four or five months, and I feel empty. I feel empty. They killed off one of my favorite characters, and I feel like I lost a family member. Like, it's that sadness that settles somewhere deep in the pit of your stomach.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
You know, that's how we base society around, you know, if things are beautiful or ugly, well, then they must be good. I have so many thoughts in my head right now. Beauty does not equal good, okay? Something can be tragically beautiful. Something can be horrifically beautiful. Let's move on. A little girl sets out to do a good deed for her grandmother and gets gobbled up by a wolf.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
A young rogue escapes the gallows and gets someone else hanged instead by his talent on the fiddle. Dozens of young princes die horrible deaths trying to get through the thorn hedge that surrounds the Sleeping Beauty, just because they had the bad luck to be born before her hundred-year curse expired.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
And yet one young prince, no better or worse, no handsomer or uglier than the rest, gets through merely because he has the good luck to arrive just as the hundred years are up. And so on and so forth.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
Even when the Grimm's stepmothers are called wicked, for all this is related by the fairy storytellers without approval or disapproval, without a glimmer of subjective feeling, as though their pins were dipped in surgical spirit to sterilize the microbes of emotion. Are you fucking serious? Let's reread that sentence.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
For all this is related by the fairy storytellers without approval or disapproval, without a glimmer of subjective feeling, as though their pens were dipped in surgical spirit to sterilize the microbes of emotion. They never seek to criticize or moralize, to protest or plead or persuade.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
And if they have an emotional impact on the reader, as the greatest of them do, that is not intrinsic to the stories. They would indeed only weaken that impact in direct proportion as soon as they set out to achieve it. They move by not seeking to move, almost, it seems, by seeking not to move. So this is in this story specifically, right? We'll use Animal Farm as a reference.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
I was like bucking at the idea of these cruelties and this unfairness being inflicted on these animals where they escaped one horror just to enter right into another one. And here I am, Orwell's not telling me to feel a certain way about it. He's not saying, oh, isn't this awful? Oh, isn't this whatever? There are little things, yes, that are kind of narrative commentaries to move the story along.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
You know, and some of the animals remembered it being different, but they trusted Napoleon's judgment because he was the smart pig after all. Shit like that, where it's almost this collective consciousness speaking and he's just the vessel. That shit is good storytelling, okay? The reader bucks at the passive cruelty and complacency. That's what I wrote there. It's so fucking true. It's so good.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
The fairy story that succeeds is, in fact, not a work of fiction at all, or at least no more so than, say, the opening chapters of Genesis. It is a transcription of a view of life into terms of highly simplified symbols. Amazing. Highly simplified symbols. Animals on a farm. Animal farm. Oh, and by the end of the book, by the way, they go back to being called Manor Farm, because of course they do.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
Because a revolution failed. The revolution failed. Okay, so this has started me down this path of like, I'm rereading all the classics. Started Animal Farm, I'm in the middle of 1984 right now, which is another like, holy fuck. And it's not even, some of this literature can lend itself to being kind of conspiracy theorist. I think especially the way that
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
the modern idiotic populace interpret some of these books is like, it was a prophecy. No, it was kind of a warning that things could turn down that road. I don't think it's supposed to invoke fear. I think it's supposed to be a mirror. It's supposed to hold up a mirror, you know, to where we're headed and the sort of rhetoric that we allow and the control that we allow without knowing.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
Like, I cannot kick it. I wake up every morning, and I'm like, fuck, I miss him. And it's just a character in a book. So... I want to talk about that really quick. Yeah, I finished Red Rising, that whole series.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
And it's too late by the time we realize it. You know what I mean? 1984, I'm in the middle of. Next, I'm going to redo Brave New World. We had to do Brave New World in English class in high school my senior year. And I had to write a paper on it. And I cannot remember it for the life of me.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
The only thing I remember is, of course, it's kind of like a controlled state where it's similar to 1984 where everyone's watching you. You're always being observed. And there's this scene where they like, unleash some rats on him or something. They start nibbling at him. That's the only thing I remember. In high school, I was like, ugh. So I'm gonna reread that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
That book is by Aldous Huxley, okay? He is an interesting character. Brave New World was Aldous Huxley's version of a dystopia, of this is, I think, in my head, the worst thing that could happen. Like, this is my version of a dystopian society. Brave New World, obviously, studied in school. It's a warning, a commentary, a whatever.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
On the flip side, he wrote a book that is his version of a utopia, of a utopian society. And that's called Island. And I haven't read this, okay? I recently only learned that it exists. And I was like, how interesting is that? Because usually, you know, authors are like... This is what I think to fucking when the world ends.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
It is truly... It's amazing, honestly, the way that things line up because that whole book series is like I've spoken about 800 times based around the Romans' idea of what a proper society is. And of course, it's adapted to this future dystopian sort of...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
But rarely have I ever heard of an author being like, and this is what my view of a perfect society is. So how interesting is that? And also how deeply flawed it's going to be because utopia, I mean, this is a pessimistic worldview, but utopia cannot exist, does not exist, will not exist. We're too flawed of a species, I think.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
Um, and any attempts at sort of having this religious utopia, like a cult or like a Jonestown where they sell you this idea of this is the pinnacle of existence. You know, we'll live in harmony. We'll do all this. Not, not true. Not real. Because...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
I mean, say what you will, but I don't know if man is inherently evil, but we definitely have evil tendencies that will always win out when given autonomy. I don't know. I don't know why. And I want to believe that's not true, but history says, yes, it is. Anyway. Yeah, so I'm going to read Island. If y'all have read it, let me know, because I don't even know kind of what it's about.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
I know it's about an island. and people on the island, and they live there, and they are perfect. So I don't know. I'm gonna get into that, but I'm in the middle of 1984 right now, and look, okay, I'll have a review for you on that in a few weeks, maybe in a week or two. Okay. In the vein of books, I got this book, which I'm so excited about this book.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
This is called Etymologicon, the Etymologicon, a circular stroll through the hidden connections of the English language. This shit makes my penis hard.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
Sometimes I see books like this and my penis starts, it gets kind of rigid because I love words and I love how they connect to each other and I love the origins of words and I love the European, or not even European, the international sharing of roots of words.
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Because we know that the romance languages unite each other, you know, Spanish, Italian, French, all sort of have the same root Latin words or bases. And then we know that because of empire and expansion and all that, a lot of Spanish words stem from Arabic words. Ohala is an example. There are things like that that just, if you study history close enough, which I don't, but I should,
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It all becomes so evident and clear as to why we use certain words, as to why certain phrases exist. A few episodes back when one of y'all suggested to me, which thank you, by the way, the History of the English Language podcast. This is so boring. I don't give a fuck.
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The History of the English Language podcast where it was about bread and about how the existence and significance of bread in the human diet and in human history has informed a lot of words we use, like breadwinner, like... breaking bread with someone, all those sort of things where we just sort of use them and we all know what it means, but why do we say that?
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It's very, I really, really enjoyed that. So this is just more of that. And just for shits and gigs, I wanted to turn to a random page and just read it because why not team? Let's go through the table of contents and pick one. A Game of Chicken. Gambling in medieval France was a simple business. All you needed were some friends, a pot, and a chicken. In fact, you didn't need friends.
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scenario, post-American empire, post, you know, the raping and pillaging of Earth, and our move to Mars after we have completely desolated this planet. All that to say... It really heavily plays on this idea of what is, I mean, the classic eternal question, right? What is the best way to govern ourselves? And we still don't know. You know what I mean?
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You could do this with your enemies, but the pot and the chicken were essential. First, each person puts an equal amount of money in the pot. Nobody should on any account make a joke about a poultry sum. Shoo the chicken away to a reasonable distance. What's a reasonable distance? About a stone's throw. Next, pick up a stone. Now you all take turns hurling stones at that poor bird.
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That's horrible. Which will squawk and flap and run about. The first person to hit the chicken wins all the money in the pot.
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then agreed to never mention any of this to an animal rights campaigner. Okay, I hate when an author tries to be funny. That's how the French played a game of chicken. The French, though, being French, called it a game of poule, which is French for chicken. And the chap who had won all the money had therefore won the jeu de poule. The term got transferred to other things.
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At card games, the pot of money in the middle of the table came to be known as the pool. English gamblers picked the term up and brought it back with them in the 17th century. They changed the spelling to P-O-O-L, but they still had a pool of money in the middle of the table. It should be noted that this pool of money has absolutely nothing to do with the body of water.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Swimming pools, rock pools, and liver pools are utterly different things. Back to gambling. When billiards became a popular sport, people started to gamble on it, and this variation was known as pool, hence shooting pool. I had no idea. Then finally, that poor French chicken broke free from the world of gambling and soared majestically out into the clear air beyond.
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On the basis that gamblers pooled their money, people started to pool their resources and even pool their cars in a carpool. Then they pooled their typist in a typing pool. Le chicken was free. Stupid author.
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And then he grew bigger than any of us, because since the phrase was invented in 1941, we have all become part of the gene pool, which etymologically means that we are all little bits of chicken. Stupid, I don't appreciate the commentary, but an interesting point, okay? Gene pool, there you go, the game of chicken.
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yet another game of humans being fucking awful to everything and everyone around them. Here's something in the same vein of Gladiator. If you wanna hear me talk about Gladiator, that was last week, okay? This week, it's more Roman, okay? This week, I am Roman. Last week, I was at Gladiator with my sword. This week, I am a Roman, okay?
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My testicles and my balls are hanging out the bottom of my toga. I'm not fighting in the fighting pits. I am preaching on a marble stone staircase, okay? With my, with my, guys, I wore this to go see the screening of Gladiator. I've never felt cooler. Like genuinely, we need to bring back togas and draped cloth. There is something about the way that this like, oh my God, of course painted.
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If I was a painter way back when, I would have painted that. Look at the way that that moves.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Okay. Here's something that I want to talk about. In the vein of teaching, in the vein of I'm just really on Roman Empire right now, on the concept, not even Roman Empire, the concept of empire and how it is quite honestly the pinnacle of human hubris, hubris, right? Ego, pride, isn't that? Hubris definition. Excessive pride or self-confidence?
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Hubris. Okay. Yeah, I'm in this sort of thing of... And I don't know what that's called, if there is a term for that mindset of like, maybe it's just pessimism, maybe it's stoicism, I don't fucking know, of just like, I know that this shit's doomed to fail. There's actually a character on Animal Farm named Benjamin, and he's like this old ass donkey who doesn't really speak up for all of it.
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Like we have tried many different forms and failed at many different forms. I don't know if there is an ideal format because who said that shit that was like, the greatest argument against democracy is a conversation with the average voter. That sort of shit is very heavily at play here. Basically, you see this classic story of rebellion against the oppressive party.
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He's a very passive, pessimistic, just realist. And he sees everything happening. And he is one of the only ones that could truly read. And he sees them changing the shit and he sees everything, whatever. And he still works. He never overworks. And, you know, he never really underworks. He just does what is expected of him and he fucking goes home.
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That character was so intriguing to me because it's like, are you so comfortable just being just letting this happen? You are smart enough to know that it is happening, but to just not say anything. And is it this inevitable thing of like if you say something or there's another revolution and you overthrow the fucking pigs and this happens, are you the new leader?
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Because look, we know that the animals can't rule themselves. They're not smart. They can't read. And that is a direct fault of who was in charge, that you did not create a literate populace. Anyway, let me move on. In this vein of Empire, since I took art history in college, maybe even high school. Yeah, I think we took AP European art history in high school.
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And we came across this series of paintings, which has intrigued me ever since, called The Course of Empire. It's by Thomas Cole. Thomas Cole is an English-born American painter. So he had a unique perspective on this new idea of... an American empire. And this is in the 1830s, mind you. Keep that in mind. And... What I like about this is this is a series of five, I want to say quadrant.
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It's not a quadrant. That means four. A series of five paintings that details the rise and fall of an empire, okay? And it's not a specific empire. Of course, some of the paintings lend itself to that looks inherently Roman. But is that just the only idea that we think of with empire? Because there are so many different empires that have existed, right? Ottoman Empire, the... Outer Empire.
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You know what I mean? Where there are so many different types, but there's a through line through all of them where... the one gets the many, okay? There is an excessive amount of luxury for the top ruling class, for their conquests of empire, and how many different populace, how many different civilizations and societies can they enslave and bring them into the empire?
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And like I talked about last episode, at the same time that you have this incredible almost barbarity and just uncivil cruelty bend the knee to the empire or die. At the same time you have that, you have incredible innovation happening with the aqueducts and with the Colosseum and with all of these buildings.
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And when you have this many people toiling towards the same goal of expansion of empire, sure, like advancements are bound to happen, but is it at the cost of this? And is that worth it? Versus if we never would have, you know, so anyway, these paintings, let me pull them up. Like I said, they detail Empire. So we start here with, this is called the Savage State.
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Kind of insensitive, if we're speaking in 2024 terms. This is almost like cavemen, but I don't know if it's, you know, Thomas Cole, a white guy painted this. I don't know if by savage they just meant native. I don't know if they actually do mean cavemen. But from here, we can see that there was a semblance of a society. There are tents that they live in.
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They have communal rites, like dancing around a fire, singing around a fire. Here in the foreground, we see hunters, gatherers. They have weapons. They have tools. So there is a settlement here that is somewhat advanced. I don't know if savage is the right, if that's, you know, a sensitive term. And then in the background, of course, we have more hunters with their bows and arrows.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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They're hunting game. OK, now a through line through all these paintings. If you're listening on audio, I'm going to describe it as best I can. A through line through all of these paintings is this mountain in the background. It's this sort of cliff overlooking a bay, a sea with this little tiny rock on top. You will see this in all five quadrants, all five paintings. paintings.
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And it serves as a good like checkmark reminder of nature was there before you and it will be there after you and it will consume what you've left behind. OK, that's a through line for me. Let's move on. This is the Arcadian or pastoral state. So here we see again, here's the mountain with the little rock resting on top. Do I have dial-up internet?
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What's so fucking difficult to load about this painting? So here we see a temple, okay? They have created a structure out of stone that's been shaped, that's been constructed, put together. And inside, you can see it's kind of massive how tiny the people are compared to it. They are doing more, you know, whatever this may be, a ceremony, a celebration, whatever.
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And in Red Rising, you go from this, I don't even know what you would call it technically, but there's a sovereign, and then there are her ruling bodies around her, and then the rest of society is stratified. Is that the word I'm looking for? Stratisfied. Like there are levels to it. And it is a ranking of important. It is a very classist and racist ranking because that's how it was designed.
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And the land, other than that, is somewhat bare. They only take what they need, you know what I mean? We have clothes, we have a musical instrument, okay? We have, down here, we have the introduction of art. So here we have a little boy drawing a little stick figure again with the instrument.
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And then over here in the bottom left, an old man doing what we can assume to be maybe geometry, maybe arithmetic. OK, he's got a stick. He's drawn in the sand. One of those what looks like. Do you remember those those things? It was like, bet you can't do this without lifting your pencil and going over one of the lines where it's that house and you have to draw an X in it.
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Do you remember what I'm talking about? Anyway, that's what it looks like he's doing. So this is the pastoral state, okay? Peaceful, growth, innovation. Next, which we can assume is probably over decades, maybe even hundreds of years, is the consummation of empire. Consummation meaning the pinnacle, the peak, the absolute utmost description of what empire should be. And I say should in quotes.
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I mean, it's stunning, right? This is what we think of when we think of the height of the Roman Empire. Marble buildings, the Greco-Roman pantheons and the arches and the inscriptions of the gods, the gods and goddesses. Everything gilded, gold-plated, we have water features, we have exotic plants and animals that have been brought in.
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Here in the middle, oh, and all this to say, this is in a bay as well, so it's a point of trade, it's a point of commerce and growth and newness. rich luxury. Here on this bridge, this main focal bridge, we see what we can assume maybe is the emperor or a high-ranking military official, someone of great importance to this empire. A celebration is being led throughout the city.
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So they're on this main bridge and He is on elephant back. He's being led through by an elephant. Now, did it look like elephants were native to this area in the pastoral state? No. So we can only assume that they have been captured and brought back to the empire from a distant faraway land.
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There's garland everywhere, there's flowers, there's soldiers on horseback leading him through the city, everyone's cheering for him. All of these people up on the balcony, there are trumpets and horns playing. These lighthouses are leading people in to the bay, guiding them into the bay. This is a celebration of conquest, okay? A beautiful scene.
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Now this, compared to the next scene, of course, the next scene, destruction of empire. The inevitable, the impending destruction And again, in the background, we see the same mountain. It's shifting views through all this. You know, we're doing a sort of like semicircle around this mountain, but it's the same view regardless of the water and this little tiny boulder on top of this mountain.
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We see this beautiful, pristine image, this view that we had in the last painting completely just destroyed. This is what we're assuming is maybe an enemy invader. But I think it's more interesting to think that the soldiers and the leaders of this empire turned on themselves, sort of cannibalized themselves, and started eating away at their own flesh, so to speak, like the flesh of the empire.
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Because, again, hubris. We get too prideful. We get too confident in... our existence, I think, is godly. You know, we start to believe that we are gods. Look at all this we've created. Look at what I can accomplish with a snap of my finger. All these people that work for me, all of this power and control that I have, it becomes insatiable.
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Because when you have everything, you don't want for anything. And so you turn to, you know, perverted ideas of... Delusion. I think that's a more interesting take on this, but of course, I think more realistically, this is an enemy invader that came in with a powerful force of an army and just raped and pillaged. I mean, truly, that's what this is, even with the storm in the background.
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So these beautiful structures that we saw in the last painting... Gone, broken. The bridge that the military officer or the emperor was on last time has fallen. And now in its place, we see this temporary makeshift wooden bridge that is full of people and soldiers and horses and civilians falling off the bridge into the water. The waves are choppy. It's stormy. This main gladiator statue,
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We see, I mean, Red Rising, of course, is the indication that it is a rebellion novel. It's about revolution and overthrowing your masters. Throughout the course of it, you see it take a few turns, though. There are different factions within the different members of society where this one might have a king, okay, because of their cultural whatever. And then this one has this sort of
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that represents conquest and victory, the head has fallen off, the shield chipped and shattered. In the background, the lighthouse has been broken. Some of the pillars of these buildings are knocked sideways. Here we have a soldier gripping on to a woman as she tries to flee, pulling her back in. There's blood on the stone. There's dead... sons, there's weeping, mourning mothers.
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This goes all the way into the background. The ships are on fire. The ships are sinking. These look like enemy ships and some of them are belonging to the empire. All of this is happening. We don't know why, but we knew it was going to because all good things must come to an end. And I say good in quotes. So this is, I think, it's a terrifying image, truly, because
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The way that he painted some of these people's expressions is like, oh, fuck. And also, I love a painting like this with so much detail. I mean, I'm zooming into different areas and just there more is to be revealed each time. He plays with depth really well. I do enjoy Thomas Cole a lot. Dead soldiers everywhere. OK, let's move on. And now we move on to the final painting in this series.
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It is called The Desolation of Empire. Here we see a scene that we are familiar with, okay? The same rock on top of the mountain in the background. A similar natural setting of the moon in the background where the sun was in the background in the first painting we saw. This is nature consuming what's left of this empire. Ruins.
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We see one large pillar, maybe some arches of a bridge that we know used to stand, some pillars of an old temple. Everything else has been eaten by vegetation, by water, by moss and ivy. And as it crumbles, I think it's so... Amazing. It's amazing that this is the constant reminder that we are not bigger than nature. We are not bigger than the forces that be. We are not gods.
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We can play God, but this is where we are destined to land. It will not last. I want to read you a passage. Thomas Cole detailed each of these quadrants. They're not fucking quadrants. He detailed each of these paintings. And I don't think he needed to, but he did. And the final one for this fifth one, I want to read because I really liked it. The fifth picture is the scene of desolation.
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The sun has just set, the moon ascends the twilight sky over the ocean, near the place where the sun rose in the first picture. Daylight fades away, and the shades of evening steal over the shattered and ivy-grown ruins of that once proud city. A lonely column stands near the foreground, on whose capital, which is illuminated by the last rays of the departed sun, a heron has built her nest.
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The Doric temple and the triumphal bridge may still be recognized amongst the ruins, but though man and his works have perished, the steep promontory with its insulated rock still rears against the sky, unmoved, unchanged. Violence and time have crumbled the works of man, and art is again resolving into elemental nature. The gorgeous pageant has passed. The roar of battle has ceased.
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The multitude has sunk in the dust. The empire is extinct. Amazing. I just love it. It's overgrown. This is where we're headed. This is where you're destined to go. You know, you take and take and take and take, and then you will never win in the end. Nature will win in the end. And that is true across the board. Human nature will win. You know, the nasty, evil side of human nature will win.
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That's a pessimistic view, but I think that's what's being reflected here. Nature in its physical sense will win. It will always overgrow everything we've built. It will take it back. You know, it's lending it to you. But remember that you are not the master. Nature is the master. I just love this series.
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rebellion leader who's reluctant and doesn't want to become a leader, but of course he's the obvious choice for who must become leader. Then there are the people who want power, who can never have it, okay? So you see it go from an empire to a sort of, I mean, I don't even know what they would call it, a sovereign, like you have a ruling sovereign, right? then you see a republic be set up.
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And I know that this, there's some commentary here that I don't really feel qualified to go into detail with, but I'll read it off the Wikipedia. As it pertains to American history, This cycle reflects Cole's pessimism and is often seen as a commentary on Andrew Jackson and the Democratic Party. However, some Democrats had a different theory of the course of empire.
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They saw not a spiral or cycle, but a continuing upward trajectory. Levi Woodbury, a Democrat and a justice of the United States Supreme Court, for instance, responded to Cole by saying that there would be no destruction in the United States. Well, well...
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Anyway, I fucking love these paintings. And from the moment we studied them until now, I mean, I think one day when I have my big at-home library where, you know, Court of Thorns and Roses, Hunger Games, Twilight, all of those will be displayed in my library. I would like some, what's the word I'm looking for? like remakings, reprints.
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Reprint, I would like all five of these hung in my office, like in a little upside down pyramid. I want it so bad. I love these paintings. I love the detail. I love what it represents. I love the through line. And I love that it is a cycle if you arrange them like that. Where the desolation of empire almost circles right back into the pastoral, where you're once again, nature is king.
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And then you go in this circle. I mean, that's all humanity is. We just go in this circle of like, I'm God. Fuck, I'm not God. But I could be God. I am God. You know, it's like we play with this idea of us having power. We never have power. Okay, team, let's get the fuck into music. Here are my songs of the week. I am, let me just preface this by saying I'm in the throes of obsession. What's new?
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And this is an obsession that has been here before. We're not stranger to it, but it's Sam Fender.
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He's going on tour in America. You know how long it's been since he's been on tour in America? And did he pick the most random ass cities to go to? Yeah. Why are you going to Tempe, Arizona and not to Austin, Texas and Los Angeles? What the fuck, bitch? Anyway, Sam Fender. He released a new song called People Watching. I'm addicted to it.
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This literally isn't like, I know that sometimes labels will pay people to talk about music. This is not that, okay? This is from the gut and soul of my being. I love Sam Fender and his new song is really good. And so I've been in this Sam Fender kick again. And you know all things, if you find a through line through things, there will always be, if you look for it, it is there.
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Through this idea of like empire and, you know, failed whatever and hubris and pride. And we try to have nature bend to our will. That will never happen. Sam Fender has a song called Play God, which is one of my favorite songs of all time. Play God and Long Way Off. Those are two Sam Fender songs. Please go listen to them. And like I encourage you with Hosier's music, go read the lyrics.
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Even with Ethel Kane's music, go read the fucking lyrics. Because not only is it a fucking tune, okay? It's a fucking tune. And I'm dancing and I'm laughing and I'm having a good time. The lyrics are making me absolutely piss on myself. They're so good. Like, they're so... I really can't describe it because I think sometimes...
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we just overlook the craft of songwriting because it's churning out a hit. It's churning out a catchy hook that will get you played on the radio. And there is less of a spotlight on how impactful some of the lyrics are in the revolutionary sense that, you know,
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And democracy is always this like prohibited term in this book series where people are like, well, you don't, surely you don't mean democracy. And it's laughed at. And then, you know, they build the republic, but the tea is the republic fails because of course it does. You know what I mean? So all that to say, this started me down this really intense...
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music moves people and you don't have to have brainy lyrics to really move someone but these two songs dude i really do think sam fender is like a modern philosopher and he's just buried and i say that and it sounds funny because he's just like a shithead white guy from northern england But I love that dichotomy of like, he admits, he's like, yeah, I'm just a fucking lad.
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He's just a lad from Shields. Okay. But fuck North England. Love you guys. But seriously, what's going on up there? And he's just, I genuinely think he's a genius. The way that he structures the words, I feel the same about Hosier. The way that he structures the words, I would read that as poetry. Not even, it's a fucking added bonus that he can sing and play the guitar crazy. Like,
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It's such good music, and the lyrics are so... It's part of this, like... How do you make a protest song that isn't a protest song? Because protest songs are corny and cringe. And you don't want to make a song that's like, I'm going to sing about how COVID was sad. No one wants to fucking hear that.
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So how do you take the emotions that you're feeling that are incredibly topical and incredibly relevant, and everyone's feeling that way, of, like, we live in a dystopia where... There is so much injustice at the hands of people that we put in power and we feel hopeless and powerless. And he captures that, I think, in a lot of these songs. And I just love him.
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And I think that he is so wildly intelligent and he masks it behind this like, I'm just a lad. That was a bad northern accent. Sorry about that. Newcastle. Sorry. If you're from Newcastle, sorry. Okay. I love Tim Fender. That's all. I'm going to like literally go to probably five or six shows. I will be a groupie when he comes to the U.S. And I don't want to meet him. Keep that man away from me.
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I'm just going to be like in the crowd at every single show. Probably crying. Topless. High. Love you guys. Sorry for this brainy episode. Actually, no, I'm not sorry because I wanted to talk about this. And I think it's topical.
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And I think that reading is a power that we don't exercise because even a book like this, even a book like Animal Farm, this is banned in certain places of the world, of the country. This book is banned in some states. You cannot buy it. That is a terrifying idea to me.
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So as much as, you know, I love to make y'all laugh on this podcast, I've been thinking about this shit a lot and I've enjoyed reading it and I think that it is necessary and I just want you guys to join me on that, you know, on that idea of staying educated and taking advantage of the access that we have. The access that we have. Okay? Loving you guys. Loving Sam Fender.
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Everyone invest in a toga, okay? Everyone free ball. I'm going to the Gladiator premiere. Wish me luck.
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And I'm bringing my dad. We're going to have a great time. Okay, love you guys. I'll see you next week. Bye.
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this cognitive, not spiral, but this sort of deep plunge into those sort of books, right? Because I love Game of Thrones. I love House of Dragon. I love all that sort of shit because there's dragons in it. But these sort of books where it's just politics, like it's truly just politics and war. And of course, Red Rising is shrouded in this intergalactic, you know, futuristic space, whatever.
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Like there's a Star Wars element to it. But it's really started me down this path of this type of story. And with Red Rising, it seems more like a, we can do it sort of thing versus some of the stories that I was referencing, like in my brain of, you know, this sounds very familiar, are the more ironic satirical tales of like a George Orwell.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
So literally immediately after finishing the sixth book of Red Rising, which is called Lightbringer, I picked up Animal Farm because it was just on my mind. I don't know why. I was like, I feel like these same topics, like it is almost the exact story. And I don't like good on my high school English teacher because I was able to make the parallel. And that night I picked up Animal Farm.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
Is a republic a democracy? There is a difference between a republic and a democracy, though it's easily overlooked. You know what? Really quick, let's just sort of go through it. Okay, just read through this for like 45 seconds, realized that I don't care and I have other stuff to get to.
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73: The Broski Empire Begins
I mean, it's a quick book. I have it right here. It's like 130, 40 pages. I read half of it and then I finished it the next day. It is literally amazing. It's the same. Not to say that it's the same story entirely, but it's this idea of, because if we, let's have a little English lesson, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
Animal Farm, as if we remember, is George Orwell's satirical, ironic fairy tale about it's an allegory to the Russian Revolution, where the revolt threw over Tsar Nicholas II. And in its place, we see the rise of Stalin. This is around the time of Hitler. This is around the time of, you know, America in the 30s and 40s.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
So keeping that in mind of like, here is a real life example of a revolution that kind of failed because if freedom and liberty was the goal, my God, how did you miss the mark so much? But that's how it happens, right? Is when there is a vacuum of power, someone will fill it. Okay, so re-read Animal Farm. The brief synopsis, let me give it to you really quick.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
If you've never read this book, if you never had to read it in school, if you never are going to read it, let me just sort of give you the rundown. Like I said, it's an allegory to a real revolution, but this is all animals. So here we are on Manor Farm. That's the name of this farm. A Mr. Jones, the farmer who owns this farm, is sort of supposed to be the Tsar Nicholas II, right?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
He's this evil overlord who underfeeds the animals, lives in luxury, drinks himself into oblivion. Just a neglectful and careless leader, ruler, okay? The animals get the idea to stage a rebellion, okay? It is led by, of course, the pigs, because pigs are always described as being hyper-intelligent. There is one old pig who is an idealist.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
Direct from the Broski Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California, this is the Broski Report with your host, Brittany Broski.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
He's a philosopher pig, and he gathers all the animals in the barn, and he says, sit down, and you see all the animals care for each other, and, you know, the ducks find refuge in the horses' knees, and it keeps them warm, and all the animals are in harmony. Well, um... old major, the name of this old pig, gathers everyone. He's up on this sort of platform, and he says, I've had a dream.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
Okay, today is not the day we find out what the difference is between a republic and a democracy, but maybe tomorrow. Always look to tomorrow, team. This dress is about to piss me off. Okay, Broski Nation, welcome, first of all, and let me sort of just address the elephant in the room. It's Gladiator Week. It's Gladiator Week. Happy Gladiator Week to all who celebrate!
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
I've had a dream where Mr. Jones no longer exists, and we have this farm to ourselves, and it is animal farm, and we no longer have masters. They don't whip us anymore. You know, they don't control our food. There is plenty of food in there, but
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
we don't have access to it, you know, because we're not smart and all these things where he's, he's acknowledging that there is a system at play where otherwise these animals have been kind of like, yeah, I'm a little hungry, but I guess life's okay. You know? And, and here's old major being like, wake up sheeple. Old Major soon passes away.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
So now this beautiful idea of a utopian free society is left in the hands of two younger pigs named Snowball and Napoleon, okay? Now this is important. Old Major represents Karl Marx, right? We're talking about communism. We're talking about this sort of idea of everyone's equal. Everyone's equal.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
OK, and we know that humans, quote unquote, animals cannot really enforce that because they don't really believe it. Again, all of this is a fairy tale. This is, and I'll get to why it's called a fairy tale in a second. Let me get through the synopsis. And so this beautiful idea is left in the incapable and incompetent hands of Napoleon and Snowball.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
They start devising rules, okay, for this new animal farm. They stage a revolt, a rebellion, and it's successful, okay? So Mr. Jones comes out. He's trying to do whatever. They attack him. They all attack him. They chase him out of the farm. It's a success, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
They have Old Major's skull, they put it at the base of a flagpole, they take down the Manor Farm flag, and they put up the Animal Farm flag. They say from here on out, all animals are free and equal. They come up with seven commandments for Animal Farm, okay? Which I will read to you right now. The seven commandments. Whatever goes upon two legs is an enemy.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
Whatever goes upon four legs or has wings is a friend. No animal shall wear clothes. No animal shall sleep in a bed. No animal shall drink alcohol. No animal shall kill any other animal. All animals are equal. Those are the seven commandments, okay? Take a second and guess if by the end of this book, they end up breaking all of the seven commandments. Yes, they do, okay?
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Literally almost every single one. It is such a beautiful, short, simple work that describes this dissent of these idealistic values of, sure, of course everyone is equal, but the major theme and the conclusion that you come to at the end of this book, which the pigs even write on the fucking wall, is all animals are equal, but some are more equal than others. Okay? That is the point of this book.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
By the end of it, you see... some of their, almost all of their autonomy be stripped. The government, quote unquote, is lying, okay? They say that grain production is up 300%, the farm has never been more successful, everyone is full and hungry, and yes, you know, we're gonna increase work hours, but it'll be for the greater good of all of the animals.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
Meanwhile, slowly, the pigs move out of the barn into a private little room in the barn, Then they move into the farmhouse because Mr. Jones no longer lives there. Then the pigs start sleeping in their beds. Well, because, you know, we're your leaders. We care about you. We're so smart. And, you know, of course, you're toiling with your body. We're toiling with our minds. So you don't have to.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
And, you know, I require a little bit of extra comfort. Surely you understand. They move into the house, okay? Then they get into the whiskey. Well, you know, it's been quite a stressful day from all of this. We're doing this so you don't have to. That's this repetitive sort of mantra, okay? They're in the farmhouse. They're drinking alcohol. They start wearing clothes.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
They start interfacing with the neighboring farms, okay? And those are allegory or references to Hitler and to who the fuck was the American president at the time? Who was the American president during... Stalin. Truman. So he's supposed to be interfacing with Hitler and Truman, these neighboring farms. And slowly but surely, you see the animals start to realize this.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And also Wicked Week, I guess. What are they calling it? Glicked? Yes. Okay. So much to get through today. This one's going to be a brainy one. So if you're feeling smart today, or if you're not feeling smart today, lock in regardless, because we're going to get through some things today, okay? Today is about learning. It's about observing. It's about having a curious and open, kind spirit.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
And it's never to the point where... the animals are smart enough to be like, we are in an equal, if not worse position than when Mr. Jones, you know, ran the farm. And then it's this realization of we're too far gone because it is total control. It's a republic to totalitarianism. That is That's the line.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
And that's where the book ends, is you see all the farm animals, all the ones that are left, because throughout this time period of, you know, however it is, 20, 25, 30 years, some of the animals who live really long, who live to the very end of the book, who weren't worked to death or starved to death, can't even remember the times of Mr. Jones.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
But it's this idea that the ruling class keeps drilling into their heads. Well, you don't want to go back to Mr. Jones. Surely you don't want to go back to Mr. Jones's rule, do you? And the answer is always no, no, no. And the animals don't even remember the time of Mr. Jones.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
on the side of the barn where the seven commandments were inscribed, you see slowly, because the animals are not literate, okay? They tried to teach the animals how to read. It didn't really stick. They can maybe get a few letters. Some, like the donkeys or some horses, can read a little bit, but not really in a reading comprehensive manner.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
Throughout this time period, the pigs have been adding on to the seven commandments. And so when faced with that, you know, I don't really remember it saying that, animals shall not drink in excess. Well, yes, in excess, of course, everything in balance, things like that. When some of the animals remember, animals shall not drink, right? So we're rewriting history. We're censoring things.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
We now have propaganda being spread around by some of the squealer pigs. We have a rewriting of the collective memory. Is there anything more terrifying? And so by the end of the book, of course, all these animals that are left peer through the farmhouse window where it's warm inside. Napoleon has gathered all of the neighboring farmers and maybe his solicitor, maybe his business manager.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
73: The Broski Empire Begins
They're all sitting at the table. and vests and top hats and drinking whiskey all around the table. And you cannot distinguish who is pig and who is human. Okay, right? That's the sort of like... And then the book ends. Crazy. So relevant to this day, I think. And truly, like, this book stands the test of time. You don't need me to tell you that. I'm not a fucking English teacher.
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There is a reason why this is taught in schools. There is a reason why Orwellian literature is still so important today. And I want to read part of the introduction to this because there's like a foreword that someone writes. And I can give you that in a second. Who wrote the introduction? This introduction is by C.M. Woodhouse, the Times Literary Supplement. This was written in London in 1954.
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84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
We were blown away. And it deals with, you know, the residual effects of trauma. And how we construct our own realities to best make that trauma livable. And it deals with themes like domestic abuse and the reality of life as a woman in that time period. And, you know, maybe even the time period that we live in today. It was just amazing. I cannot, well, cannot sing its praises enough.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Also, while we were in London... We went to, this is totally unrelated, we went to Churchill's War Rooms, which I don't mean to turn this into a history lesson, but it's about to be a history lesson, so lock the fuck in, because we're doing, once again, Professor Broski's World War II segment, okay? World War II history segment.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
I've been to the war rooms before, and I've also been to the Imperial War Museum. And the UK is a very, very interesting country to do a museum like that. Obviously, as a sentient adult, you become aware that each country has their own retelling of what transpired from 1900 to 1945. And that just becomes very apparent when you walk through a museum like this.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And I think that the war rooms, if you ever get a chance to go, please go. If you are interested in history at all like that, especially political figures in history, Churchill was not a good man, to put it very elementaryly. He, you know, was born to be a politician. There was never going to be anything else he was going to do other than, like, be a politician. And I think that this museum...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
to its credit, does a good job of not trying to, like, embalm him in hero fluid. You know what I mean? They didn't try to make a hero out of Churchill. I think that they accurately portrayed how destitute the situation was before, and this is, look, okay, I'm American, let me say it, before America kind of swooped in and the Allies really won the war. The situation was bleak in the UK.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And all my theater bitches, you know about that play. Dude. Yeah, he was, the premiere was on the 13th. and his play was all that week, but there was a showing on the 15th, and I was like, motherfucker, should we stay? But it was sold out, and then we figured it out, and I got tickets, and me and Stanley went, oh my god. Hold on, let me go back to Mickey 17. So much fun. So much fun.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And when you go on any tour through the United Kingdom, when you go to any museum, any whatever, you would be in the minority to find a building or a family or a company that was not affected by the Blitzkrieg in London specifically and around London. The German air raid, the continuous German air raid on London during World War II.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Roman ruins in London. I mean, one of the oldest cities in the world, okay? Destroyed by the Blitzkrieg. And I think that when you look at it like that, and the Imperial War Museum, if you ever get a chance to go, does an incredible job of reimagining what life would have been like as a British citizen during that time period. Yeah. I'm talking war rations.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
I'm talking air raids, consistent air raids, the different types of planes to see overhead and how to recognize if one is German and one is, you know, a friendly bird. Not only that, but the reality of you're going to be inside for a while. And even inside, you're not safe. And they have this reimagined living room of the average British family in the 1930s, 1940s.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And some of it has some real memorabilia from that time. And it's just harrowing. I mean, you can read about history in a book. You can watch a documentary. You can watch an interview by someone who is a World War II veteran or whatever. Nothing has sent a chill down my spine quite like being in this reimagined little living room.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
with the tiny little radio and the reimagined war rations and the family photos and the sound of the sirens. And they have completely reconstructed it. And you sit there, I can't even put into words how just horrifying doesn't begin to cover it. And, uh,
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
localizing this to just a British struggle war in any case is brutal it's inhumane it is unthinkable this is just I think a more it was the most tangible thing that I've ever been immersed in, if that makes sense. So you sit in this little fake living room and they do all the raids and all the drills and all the propaganda videos and cut back on the bread that you're eating.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And if you can, you know, buy a war bond, buy it and all these things. It's just that history is not far away. And this is unrelated, but very related at the same time. When you think about segregation and things like the Civil Rights Act, all of these things are not ancient history. This was in our grandparents' lifetime. So when you go to museums like this, don't think that this is too far off.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And I don't say that to scare you, but it's, you know, you need to be acquainted with these things because we are living through unprecedented time after unprecedented time. And it's just important to be aware of what we're living through right now and the real risks that having a leader, the fucking sitting leader of the free world like Donald Trump, what life under his regime could turn into.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Okay, anyway, they went to the war rooms. And I think that this museum is very well done. And it's a museum, but it's also the actual place where Churchill and his cabinet, quote unquote, met and it was literally, a bunker isn't even an accurate description. This was just the basement of some government building. It was not safe. It was not reinforced.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
The movie's fun. It was... freezing fucking cold in London because duh. And yeah, it was a blast. I think, oh, I wore this crazy fit, okay? One of the best fits me and my stylist have ever cooked up. That fit, it was very like, menswear is back. Let me sort of put y'all, let me guide y'all's finger to the pulse, okay? Menswear is so back.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
The attempt they did at reinforcing it with this slab of concrete, that wasn't going to keep them safe. It is a miracle that this place was not bombed and everyone in it died. And from this little bunker, People lived there. They slept there. They had fake sunlamps because they spent so long underground. They had one—and this was like a super secret. Whoa.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
They had a direct phone line for Winston Churchill to speak to the American president in the 40s, and they would discuss plans and—
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And they would have these meetings in these rooms that were probably 15 by 15 feet, and they would cram 20, 30 people in there, all of these desks, and every single morning update everyone on the location of German troops, the location of British troops, the evacuation of Dunkirk, all these things. This was... It was real. And that sounds so stupid to say because, of course, it was real.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
But when you are standing in the room where these briefings were giving, I can't. It's like you have to really focus to make it connect in your brain. Like, I... I am here. I have the privilege of standing here and witnessing this. And they have it all behind glass in the map room. It's called the map room.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And it's kind of at the heart of the basement of this building where there's maps on every wall from everywhere from all of Europe to granular London to Japan, Korea, all of these places where you can see all the little pinpricks in it where they would move the... the little pins and update positioning. And there's a big desk in the middle with all these telephones on top and they wouldn't ring.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
They would light up different colors because obviously it's the ringing would be loud. And it's just, it's unreal because it's all just how they left it on what? August 16th, 1945. Like the day the war was over, everyone left and it's left just like that. There's still pencils on the table. There's, you know, all the equipment, the telephones and the bedding and the newspapers.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
It's just, it's amazing. It's amazing. And I think they opened up the war rooms to public interest. You could tour it, finally, in the 80s, and you have to pay for a ticket inside, and all that money goes to keeping it up and restoring it and all that. It's so neat. To open things like that up to, you know, the general populace. Someone like me. I'm not British.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And it's psychotic to think I can go in there and just be like, whoa, this is what happened. Because that history is all of our history. And that sounds so fucking corny, but it's true. And the Imperial War Museum explores World War I and World War II. And that's harrowing as well because...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
World War I, I mean, not to go back into what I used to talk about all the time, but that was my hyper fixation for a second because the sheer magnitude of destruction that that war brought
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
on mankind is, I mean, there have been horrible wars in human history, but World War I, that was the turn of, we're using biological warfare, we're using tanks, we are using technology to assist in the killing of human beings in a way that we've never seen before. You know, muskets, bayonets, sure, that's technology too, but this was the beginning of, you know, something that
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
has turned into nuclear warfare. And it's scary to look back on that time and think, they didn't even know what they were introducing into warfare. All that to say, anyway, if you're ever in the UK, check out the war rooms because it's psychotic. And I have a little magnet on my fridge that says, eat less bread. And I think it's silly because it's like, oh, eat less bread like Kate Moss.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Oh, like Kate Moss, like a model, like don't eat bread. But really it's in relation to the war rations. And there's another one that I have in my office that says, self-indulgence at this time is aiding the enemy. It's just, you know, when you see propaganda as something that is an art piece and is funny and someone had to sit down and be like, okay, how do we tell them to not eat that much?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
How do we tell them to not eat that much because war rations cost money and we don't have money? It was very educational. This museum, both of those museums do a really great job of honoring the dead, honoring the effort, the war effort by everyone. You know, there are different sections for women, for POC soldiers, for the young underage soldiers that conscripted, you know, to...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And it's fun to experiment with not only just like the suit and tie sort of thing, but incorporating interesting shapes into the red carpet space. You know what I mean? And I know people kind of do that with the structured gowns or like when they have stuff come up over the bodice and it's, you know, really structured and whatever. That's one thing is like evening wear. But this sort of
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
For the sake of my country and for God glory and country. No, what is it? King and country. I mean, these kids were as young as 14 conscripting lying about their age to go join up. And it's like, so very, very educational, very relevant. Not in a scary way, but also kind of in a scary way. And while I was down in the war rooms, of course, I did actually start my period.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
So raise your hand if you've started your menstrual cycle in Churchill's war rooms. Just me? Just me, I guess.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Okay, let's talk about the fun stuff now.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
When was the last time you needed to go to a doctor but you pushed it off? You made the excuse, I'm too busy, I can't find my insurance card. Getting health advice from the latest social media trend or influencer is enough. I think we've all been there. Booking a doctor's appointment can feel so daunting. But thanks to ZocDoc, there's no reason to delay.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
They make it so easy to find and book a doctor who's right for you. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. We're talking about booking in-network appointments with more than 100,000 doctors across every specialty, from mental health to dental health, primary care to urgent care, and more.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
You can filter for doctors who take your insurance, are located nearby, and are a good fit for any medical need you may have. Also, with hundreds of verified patient reviews, you can find the type of care and support you're looking for, from good bedside manner to fast wait times to doctors with the best listening skills.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Once you find the right doctor, you can see their actual appointment openings. Choose a time slot that works for you and click to instantly book a visit. Appointments made through ZocDoc also happen fast, typically within just 24 to 72 hours of booking. You can even score same-day appointments.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Everyone knows I use ZocDoc to find my dermatologist, and Lord knows I keep him in business, so I'm glad I found him. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash broski to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C.com slash broski. ZocDoc.com slash broski.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Here's a fact that will shock absolutely no one. 66% of men are investing in the stock market compared to just 48% of women. Here's another one that won't surprise any of you. Multiple studies have shown that women are better investors than men. Why? Because men are overconfident and women actually do their research.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
The investing gap means less women have the chance to build wealth now and can have huge repercussions down the road when it comes time for them to retire. The good news is that Acorns makes it easy for everyone to start investing. Acorns believes that anyone can be an investor. That's why they make it easy to stick to basic, time-tested principles that give your money a chance to grow.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Acorns is a financial wellness app that makes it easy to start saving and investing for your future. You don't need to be an expert. Acorns will recommend a diversified portfolio that matches you and your money goals. You don't need to be rich. Acorns lets you get started with the spare money you've got right now. And even if all you've got is spare change, you don't need a ton of time.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
You can create your Acorns account and start investing in just five minutes. I believe that putting aside money for future me is a form of self-care, and Acorns cuts out all the intentionally confusing jargon and processes to cut straight to the goal, investing money for older me.
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84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Sign up now and join the over 13 million all-time customers who have already saved and invested over $22 billion with Acorns. Head to acorns.com or download the Acorns app to get started. Compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns. Tier two compensation provided. Investing involves risk. Acorns Advisors LLC and SEC registered investment advisor.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
cocktail, business casual, fun take on menswear is really, I just, I'm having fun. Me and my stylist, Kat Spaldos, we have a fucking blast. When we do fittings, we just yell. And then what if we did the, yes, yes! It's so much fun. So we stuck around and we saw Streetcar Named Desire. Now, let me sort of reveal my soul for a second.
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84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
View important disclosures at acorns.com slash broski. I went to Penhaligon's. Let me tell you something about this. Michelle Visage, you will always be famous. Michelle Visage, I love you. Michelle Visage talks about Penhaligon's on TikTok all the time. I was like, what the fuck is that? It's a perfume house. It's a British perfume house that was started way long ago and then had to shut down.
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84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And then some Italian designer or businessman came in and revived it because there was this one super famous fragrance that Churchill used to wear and all these, you know, it was a very high society fragrance, you know. And they revived it, and someone took over as creative director, and now there's a full storyline. And there's a narrative to this perfume house, which I love. Hey, duh.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
I love shit like that. And it is so fucking British. And it's so fun. So... There's this whole storyline behind Penhaligon's and all the names of the fragrances and how they release them and, you know, what their best sellers are and all this. So it's based around this sort of murder mystery of a man and his estranged wife and his mistress.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And then all these characters get introduced and each fragrance is named after one of them. It kind of gives... What's that game? Clue. Like, Mr. Mustard, Colonel Mustard, all that shit. Like, it's very reminiscent of that, but all the characters are so fucking British. Well... I go in and this was another, I was like, fuck.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I went in and I always, when I go to Britain, I like to say, I like to ask the people working there, how old is this building? Because you never know. You never know how old the structure that you're standing in could be. And she was like, well, the original structure is surely the 1600s, but this one rebuilt after the war, destroyed in the bombings.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And I was like, fucking course it's destroyed in the bombings. Everything was destroyed in the bombings. It sucks. And so I was like, how old is this building? She was like, well, they rebuilt it after the war, but Penhaligon's has been around since, let me see. Penhaligon's is a symbol of English artistic perfumery.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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The brand, originally founded as a barbershop in 1870, immediately made people interested, attracting the curiosity of the English nobility, and in particular, that of the crown. So it's been around for a super long time. Anyway, so we go in and I'm like, let me smell Halfeti. Halfeti is their most successful, like, bestseller. And Halfeti is a city in Turkey, if I'm not mistaken. Turkey, yes.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
That was going to be humiliating if that was wrong. Halfeti is in Turkey. And... Of course, everything relates back to imperialism. And halfetti is this really beautiful, it's like there's notes of coffee in it. There's, it's very woody. Here are the accords. Woody, aromatic, warm, spicy. I'm into that. I'm into that. And here's another thing.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Okay, this is kind of separate, but warm florals, I'm trying to get into. Fuck me, dude. Warm floral. I want to smell like a hotel lobby. I don't want to smell like a model. Does that make sense? And I don't even think, like, models don't even wear, like, models wear some weird-ass shit. So, I don't know.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
I never actually saw A Streetcar Named Desire when I was in high school. It's one of those that's always in rotation for one-act plays or for community theater, or it's always, it feels like it's showing on Broadway or whatever. I've never actually seen it. And I actually went into it not knowing the plot or even the setting or anything, just that it's super famous.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Like, when you go into Sephora and all those fragrances, it's like warm floral, light floral, clean floral. I don't give a fuck about floral! What? I like woody. Woody, oud, musk, all that, that's my shit, okay? Halfeti, it is a mature fragrance, I would say, but it's so good. Here are the top notes. Cypress leaf, saffron, cardamom, artemisia, bergamot, grapefruit.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Heart notes are Bulgarian rose, nutmeg, jasmine. I don't like rose. You know, here's another thing. There are some perfumers or some fragrance TikTok people where I'm like... I don't know if I can trust your opinion because we don't have the same taste. If you are a person who loves florals, I don't really trust your opinion.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
If you love sugary sweet, if you like anything from Kayali, we're not on the same page. Kayali is like teenager Victoria's Secret sweet. I'm not into that. If you're into that, slay. Go do your thing. If you love Parfums de Marly, all those rose perfumes or those sickly sweet, whatever. Parfums de Marly isn't sickly sweet. Those are more, you know, mature, beautiful, sugary fragrances sometimes.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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But there's depth to those. Kayali, it's just sugar. And if you're into that, slay. And, you know, if you want to layer it with something deeper, slay. Not for me. Michelle Visage, her taste, we're on the same page, where if you're going to do a gourmand, it has to be a very interesting gourmand. And so that's, I would describe Helfetti as that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Base notes are agarwood, agarwood, leather, cedar, sandalwood, amber, tonka bean, vanilla, musk. Yeah! Launched in 2015. This one is, it's just a classic. Like, Halfetti's a good one for every day, I would say. It's definitely a nighttime fragrance, but any gourmand is. In my opinion, the gourmand of all gourmands, this is my opinion, is Angel's Share by Killian. That motherfucker...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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You want to go out clubbing. You want to go to a nice dinner. You're on a date. You want to do this. You want to do that. If it's at night and you're feeling sexy, you do angel share. It'll last for seven years. One spray lasts seven years. And if you spray it on your clothes, even longer. And that one to me is like there's not a richer, more interesting, lustful gourmand. It just is.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Halfetti is delicious. So I got a little one of it. I got this other one by Penhaligon's called Dandy. And let me show you this motherfucking bottle, girl. It's from the, it's based on the 1920s, right? Like, great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald type of core. The branding is enough to make you want to buy it. Like, I went and I said, yeah, I guess I have to get that. Oh, look at her.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
She's beautiful. And it's got this little bow tie. It's so cute. This is a crazy fragrance. This is not a womanly fragrance. If you're going to gender fragrance, okay? I don't think that fragrance has a gender, but... I say that with an asterisk, right? Because I'm not going to ignore the way that they market these fragrances, the way that they gender notes in a fragrance.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
When we were in high school for our one-act play, we did Bus Stop, which is by William Inge. And him, Tennessee Williams, who wrote Streetcar Named Desire, and Arthur Miller, who wrote The Crucible and Death of a Salesman, they were all contemporaries. This is in like the 30s, 40s, 50s. Arthur Miller was famously married to Marilyn Monroe. So that's kind of this time period of post-war America.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Dandy is very masculine, and it's so interesting. The top note is whiskey. Whiskey, sandalwood, and something else. Cedarwood? Bergamot and raspberry.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Yeah, bergamot raspberry whiskey cedarwood. This one, it's just really interesting. And there's some note in it that I just... I keep coming back to it because I've never smelled anything like it. And maybe it's the whiskey. I don't know. This is one I'm trying to figure it out, okay? I smelled it. I was addicted to it. But I was like, how do you wear it? How do you wear it? It's too...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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weird to wear by itself. This is one I'm going to wear at home. I'm going to wear it at home so that none of my friends are like, what the fuck are you wearing? Because I like it. I like it. And I think if you put like a sweet lotion under it and then this on top, maybe it'd be interesting. I need to work with it. Let me spend some time with her and interview her, and I'll get back to you on that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Dandy's very interesting. And the last one I got... Because I went crazy. I was like, they don't have Penhaligon's in the States. They have one in Soho in New York. And they used to sell it at Saks Fifth Avenue and Nordstrom and all this, but they pulled it off the shelves. I don't know why. Because this would make a killing in the States.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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This is a niche fragrance house that is British, that is interesting. It has an identity. And fragrance people... They're really missing a market here. So they have one store in Soho. They need to open one in like, you know, Chicago, Los Angeles, Austin, I would say. This is the other one I got. Now, all of these bottles have animal heads on them.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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They're supposed to be like, you know, in a rich English country estate, all of the maybe taxidermy you'd see on the wall or like after the men go on a hunt. Oh, yes, the hunt in Africa. Like very that. You know what I mean? All of the bottles in this line have either like a ram's head, a cat, a dragon, a bull. And so this one, of course, after she told me the story of it, I was like...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
This one is named The Blazing Mr. Sam. And in the storyline of Penhaligon's, he's the fucking American. I can't help it. An American abroad with all the cocky confidence you might expect. Hot and cold spices mingle over dry patchouli and creamy cedar in his eau de parfum. No one can quite resist Sam's charms. Yeehaw. I mean, come on. I smelled it. I was like, this is good.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Then she told me the story. I said, fuck. Okay, this fragrance is everything I want in a perfume, as me personally. Patchouli has to be done in a certain way for me to like it. Patchouli by itself smells like a fucking campfire, which I don't hate, but patchouli needs to be paired with something else. I feel the same way about Palo Santo. I love Palo Santo.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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But I need it to be paired with something else to wear it. Because it's one thing to smell it as like, you know, an aromatic or like a candle or whatever. Ooh, it smells good in here. But on the skin, on my skin, my acidic fucking talkies, red 40 skin, it's going to be different. So this one is really, really nice. I got her and I'm trying to figure out what to pair it with.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And I'll get back to you guys on that. Okay. What did I also get? Oh, I also picked up Tom Ford recently. I have a problem, actually. I need to look in the mirror. I picked up Oud Wood by Tom Ford.
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it this is a cologne it is purely a cologne and the bottle's small and it's really fucking expensive and it doesn't last that long okay I'm pissed off but I got it at duty free at the airport they duped me into it and it smells beautiful I love the smell I just wish these fragrances would last longer and I've done all the fucking tricks okay make sure your skin is moisturized dab don't rub you know don't spray it only on your neck it'll wash you away spray on your pulse points I do all that shit
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
But if the fragrance, Jo Malone fragrances are gone in 20 minutes. If the fragrance is not potent, it will not last. That's why Killian is so impressive is because that shit lasts forever. Okay, so don't come at me and tell me I'm doing it wrong because I'm not. Anyway, pick this up too. Love her. Okay, let's move on from fragrance.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I just wanted to give you all that update that I went to Penhaligon's, had a fucking blast. Very excited to start experimenting with some of those. Let's talk books for a second. We're in the rotation, okay? We've talked about World War II, fragrance, and now we have to talk about books. That's what this podcast has turned into. Other than when I go on a rant about what? Christ?
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And there are so many social constructs and social context that people are trying to return back to a normal life. But how can you, you know, in this post-war state? So Streetcar Named Desire is set in the 50s, I want to say. Yeah, in the 50s in New Orleans. And it is... Okay, so, Paul Mescal, right?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Christ on the cross? Sometimes that. So we're not doing that segment today. We're not doing the Christ segment right now. Right now we're doing books. Right now we're doing fairy smut. My good friend, Drew F. Wallow, had told me to read Quicksilver. Quicksilver is very smut. Okay. Are you mad at me? Do you guys hate me because I want to talk about the fairies fucking each other? It's been a while.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I've been doing Orwell. I've been doing Ray Bradbury. It's time to read very smut. We got to go back to our roots team. Finish Quicksilver. Very long. Very good. Here's what here. Okay. Where do I even start? Quicksilver is... The classic, you know, human finds herself in the Fae world, the Fae realm, and there's a war. There's always a fucking war.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And they need this special human's help winning the war because we haven't seen someone like you in the realm in 1,800 years. Okay? And we just ignore that she's 24 and her boyfriend's 1,800 years old. You just sort of ignore that because it's fine. Because he's sexy. Okay? Have you thought about that he's sexy and he's got a big penis and she's 24? No. You don't think about that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I think about that. And so, of course, she's got some special fucking gift that they need her help, whatever. The plot, I was hooked from start to finish. Here's what I will say, and I don't want to spoil it, but one of the characters is very, very selfish.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And while it lends itself to the plot, you know, why characters make decisions that they do, how it affects their interpersonal relationship, all that, you know, whatever. It was giving me a little bit Iron Flame, but not too much. Not too much. There wasn't this miscommunication trope or I'm ignoring you trope. It was just one of the characters is like...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I've made my decision, and you cannot convince me otherwise. Just let me do this. I'm doing this because I love you. And then the other character's like, fuck you, selfish prick. Okay? That's kind of one element of this book. And I was texting Drew, and I was like, girl, if he did that to me, I would have said, fuck you, and gone back to the human realm. You know what I mean?
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Like, I'm not standing for bullshit. Anyway... I didn't spoil it, okay? This book is really, really good. I really enjoyed it. It was a lot of fun. And the sequel comes out in November, I think. I'm set. I'm going to read the sequel. It was fun. It was fun.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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But I will say at the end of the book, probably the last 50 pages, the author introduces a crazy plot line that, you know, I wish she had expanded on it a bit more, a bit earlier in the book. You're introduced to a character that changes the course of these characters' lives forever. That it's like, I wish I knew more about who this fucking dude is.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And I hope that at the top of book two, there's a recap. Because a lot happened in the final pages of the book where I'm like, I'm going to need to be reminded of this. Because I'm not going to reread it. I'm going to need to be reminded. And maybe a map would be nice.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Guys, good morning. Don't talk to me until I've had my diarrhea. Don't talk to me until I've had the squirts. What a blessed morning it is, team. Haven't washed my hair in a week. You couldn't tell though. I'm training my hair. I don't think that's a real thing. I'm just, my hair stinks. You know what I mean? I'm back from London town.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
If we're doing notes right now, I would like a map of the realm and of the territories and of the river and the castle and the whatever. You know what I mean? That was Quicksilver. I give a 7.9, 8 out of 10. Really enjoyed it. Now I'm reading One Dark Window. It's good so far. It's good so far. I think it's YA. I think it's young adult, which doesn't bother me.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Half a Soul, that Regency fairy tale book I read, was so good. Yeah. I loved it. What made it so lovely is that it was a standalone. You know, she's written other Regency fairy tales with different characters in the same universe. But yeah, it was short, sweet, and to the point. And I was like, oh, I'm going to miss these characters. Like, it was that sort of book. And it was YA.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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It wasn't like, and then his cock went in. It wasn't that. Which is good because... Know your audience. Know the setting. You know, like we're talking Regency magic fairies. You know, it's Regency era. I shall take my leave. I can only hope to apologize, my lady, that if they were like, and then his cock went in my... Okay. Okay, I guess. Okay, his fairy cock went in my... Whatever.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
I thought he was going to be the lead because the way that they marketed it and all this, it's like, and Paul Mescal is brilliant, which he was, by the way. This play... I can't even tell you. I saw it with Stanley. And for the next hour after we saw this play, we went to dinner and we just could not stop talking. That is a good piece of fucking media, dude.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Can we go back to having tea, afternoon tea with his parents? Anyway.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Go to shopify.com slash broski to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com slash broski. Reading One Dark Window. It's tea so far. It's very... well, for lack of a better word, dark. It's dark. It's, you know, this mist has enveloped the land, and it's evil. It is all-consuming.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
You know, it's a matter of time before the town is enveloped in this darkness, and the weight rests on this one character's shoulders who, again, she has this power that no one else knows about, and she hates it about herself. And she thinks that she is... she's different and she's damaged. When in reality, she's the one that'll save us all. Isn't that fucking true?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Because we all have that inside of us. We all have a power that if we even knew our power, we could save all of us. Because we are nothing as one. We are everything together.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
So it's kind of that. I'm like 20% done. It's good so far. Next I'm reading, oh, I'm going to read this Viking, this Viking smut with Drew. We're going to book club. Also, when I get like, okay, that's enough fairy smut for the night, I switch over to Sherlock Holmes. I'm tandem reading Sherlock Holmes and One Dark Window.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And then when I get tired of all that, I go back to my Anthony Bourdain book. And then when I get tired of that, when I need a nonfiction, I do George Orwell's Why I Write. And that's a tiny little, I mean, it's probably 80 pages, but there are books like that where I really take my time with it because I'm underlining, I'm highlighting, I'm taking notes, I'm annotating.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Even if it's an 80-page book, I'm not blasting through it. I love Orwell, and I want to spend time with these precious words that he's left us with. And he was a realist. He was a pragmatist, pragmatist, where he fully saw the world around him for what it was. And he goes into detail about, I think I talked about this a few episodes ago, where He has a theory on why authors write. Is it selfish?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Is it for artistic purposes? Is it for political purposes? And his, he realized after his time in the war and after, you know, the 1930s, how could he write anything that was not directly related back to the political sphere? Everything in this life is political. Your existence is political. And he fully wove that in to everything he wrote.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And the way that he describes it in this little book is like, I can't help it. There's nothing else I really want to write about. And any artistic impulses he might have, he used those, you know, in tandem with the political writing that he did. So... Yeah, you know, I don't want to rush through a book like that. It's not just like reading someone's memoir.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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When we're talking about it, you know, because you can go see a musical or a play or whatever, and you can be like, oh, that's good, and then move on with your day.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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It's reading the reasoning why they did what they did. And for me, what really interests me is the reason why they made their art in that way. Oh, there's nothing more interesting. Like, you can read Animal Farm, you can read 1984, and sure, 1984 is a ripoff of this and whatever.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Maybe Animal Farm is his only original piece of writing, original in the sense of the idea is completely his, and it's not a reimagination of something else he read. And maybe that's a lie. Maybe that's not true.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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But as I know it right now, Animal Farm was the first of its kind to be in a commercially successful way an allegory to revolution, the Russian Revolution, and to the effects of fascism in real time. To put it in a way and terms that the average person can understand. Because fascism, the rise of fascism, and...
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when you're in a fascist nation, looking around and thinking, how the fuck did we get here? He details it pretty perfectly and pretty precisely in Animal Farm. And there's a reason it's still around and studied today. And to get inside the mind, what a blessing he left us with to get inside the mind.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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When it's a piece of art that you have to dissect and be like, oh, well, I thought this, oh, that's actually, go back and forth, this is what I interpreted it to mean, and then, you know, you Google it and look it up, and it's like, oh, it actually was, that's what art, that's what's fun about art. So Streetcar Named Desire is about...
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Of the person who wrote Animal Farm and his worldview, his perspective, his lived experience and how he interpreted those and converted them into words and not just words, but into artful prose. that is digestible. That's hard. It's hard. And in this book, he says something like, you know, first world problem. He said, there is nothing harder than being an author.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I wouldn't wish this on anyone else, but I have to do it. He said some dramatic bullshit like that. I was like, okay, well, and then I was like, I kind of get it. I kind of get it because what he managed to do is hard and he did it well. And I know, you know, any piece of art, any piece of literature deserves criticism. And he's not insulated from criticism. And there were things wrong with him.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Of course, all these things are true. And at the same time, every artist is unique in the sense that only they could have written what they wrote. And I'm really a fan of his works. So I read that when I'm done with... When I can't do anymore, he put his cock in my, okay. When I need a break from that, I go back to why I write. But anyway, I got this book recently too called Monsters.
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And it's about, can we, in the black and white world we live in, separate the art from the artist? It's the age-old question. Is art made by a horrible person, is good art, great art made by a horrible person, ethically good to consume? Is it okay to like art by a shitty person? And I don't have an answer. Let me read this book and get back to you on that.
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I think the answer is going to be, eh, who's to say? But this book is highly recommended. I've seen it on TikTok and people were talking about it. And I actually bought it in London. We went into this cute little bookstore. It's called the London Review Bookshop. And we went in and they don't call it nonfiction in the UK. I don't know what they call it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Because I was looking, I was like, where's the fact that the nonfiction section doesn't exist? I think it was just downstairs in this little bookshop. And it was like in the psychology area or something like that. Or like current affairs. I don't know. Anyway, very excited to read that because I don't have an answer. I don't know. And I struggle with it.
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And I'm sure a lot of fangirls do as well, where when someone's art has impacted you in a way that has completely changed the cellular makeup of your mind and of who you are, and in a good way, you know, in a positive way, in a identifiable way, what do you do if that person DMs a minor? What do you do if that person turns out to be racist or sexist or gross? What do you do?
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To put it short and simple, in my opinion, a woman's descent into madness, honestly. Which, oh my god, could I write a fucking thesis on it? Plays or media that center around that, you know, something like The Bell Jar or anything by Virginia Woolf or anything where it's like, it actually...
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And I don't have an answer. And it sucks. And you don't want to be a defender of that person. I would never defend those actions. But here we have this piece of music or a book or a movie or a play that is just mind-blowingly good. What do you do? So I'll get back to you guys on that ethical question. Next time.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Next time when we do ethics with Brittany Broski, we talk about the death penalty and about fucking the book Monsters. How about that? Okay, guys, I think that'll do it for me this episode. Here are my two songs of the week. First one, High Fashion by Addison Rae. Thank you. Thank you, Addison Rae. And when this album comes out, I'm sat. And when the tour is announced, I'm sat.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Second one, Too Far Gone by Ty Myers. It's a country song, okay? Who cares? I love country music. I don't give a shit. I don't give a fuck. Okay, that's my spiel. If y'all want merch, go to broski.shop. That's all I have to say. Please go watch Royal Court. We have a new episode with Coleman Domingo, who I fucking love. Love Coleman Domingo. Go watch Royal Court. Subscribe to this channel.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Guys, we're almost at one milli. We're almost at one billion subs. We're almost at 100 billion subscribers on this channel. Please be the 101st billion. That will do it for me. I will see you guys next week. Be good and just okay. And also okay. Oh, wait, one more thing. I'm seeing Swan Lake in New York. I'm seeing Swan Lake because I'm still, I love ballet. I love ballet.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And I do ballet stretches every morning and it makes me feel good. So here's my challenge and homework for you. Do one thing that makes you feel good today. And that doesn't mean eat like shit or indulge in an addiction. Do one thing that is good for you. Sit outside, read a book, call your mom. If that's not good for you, don't do it. Okay? If calling your mother is not good for you, don't do it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Do something else. Okay, love you guys, bye.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
as best as it can, captures this, and like, just listen to me, it captures this existing kernel of madness that I think is in every woman, and you only understand if you're a woman, that can be activated, and it doesn't always show up, but it's there.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
It's there. It's there. It's there.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And it's not silly or funny. It's like true, unhinged anger and sadness. It manifests as that form of madness. Am I making sense? I feel like if you've experienced it, you've experienced it. You know, if you haven't, that's fine. Because the play is, you know, it's compelling even without that innate emotional connotation. So...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
The play is a gradual descent into that state where the characters are described and portrayed as so gray. And what I mean by that is in life, especially online, people want to see the world as black or white, good or evil, right or wrong. That is not how the world works. And it's best, it's best you start believing it. You best start believing in ghosts. What is it? Fairy tales, Miss Turner.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
You're in one. Like the quicker you realize that the world is not so simple, I'm not going to say the easier, but you have a wider palette of colors to paint the world with. Do you know what I mean? So this play, from the beginning to the end, there is not one character where you're like, oh, well, she was my favorite. She's right. Or he did nothing wrong or whatever.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
That is such an interesting, especially in this age of bullshit Marvel movies and all that. I love Marvel, okay? Iron Man 2, one of my favorite movies of all time. But those stories are based on this concrete evidence and understanding that here is a hero. This is a hero. And there's no hero in Streetcar Named Desire. To give you a short summary of the play, There is a sister dynamic, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
There's a sister named Blanche and a sister named Stella. Stella is married to Stanley. Stanley is Paul Meskel. Stella and Stanley live in New Orleans. They have their happy little life. They're married. It's very lustful, okay? They're always fucking, and they're always with his friends, and it's a very domestic life.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
I was in London, weren't I? I was in London and I was at the premiere of Mickey 17. Mickey, I so love him. Robert Pattinson. Hello, darling. We had a fucking laugh.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Well, Blanche, Blanche Dubois, she's the sort of unhinged sister, just could never really figure out what she was going to do, is kind of a spinster, you know, never was married, is a little bit too old now, like in her late 30s, maybe, to get married. She's not a fresh spring chicken anymore. And in this time period, beauty is currency, you know, and being a young woman
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
untouched woman, that's a form of currency, the highest form of currency. You know, you talk about the ceiling, the glass ceiling, there's not much room to grow as a woman in this time period. So you either become a secretary, become a nurse, or get married. There is no form of protection or independence for a woman like Blanche Dubois, and she knows it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And she is very vain, because of course she is. It's how you move through the world in that time period. So She's kind of down on her luck. You come to find out all these things about her, the ways that she has made money, maybe not so glamorous ways, the reputation she had in the town that she left.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
She used to be a teacher who made some less than impressive decisions when it came to her students. And she got kicked out of town. And you come to find that out. But the way that she presents herself is this very, you know, she shows up with a suitcase full of diamonds and furs. And, oh, I could never do that. Haven't you got a cigarette? Haven't you got this? Oh, my.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
You know, very almost entitled where she is living. outside of her means, but not really. It's this double think of she's fully aware of the realistic state of her situation. She's been kicked out of her town. She has no place to live. She has no money. She's defaulted on loans. She's in debt. And so she's running to her sister's house for help.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Well, her sister, you know, welcomes her with open arms and, oh, Stanley, you know, my husband, this is my sister Blanche. You know, it's so exciting. We can have a sleepover. Well, as you can expect, She overstays her welcome eventually. Stanley starts getting pissed the fuck off. And all these characters have shades to them. Stella is a victim of domestic abuse.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Stanley is a perpetrator of domestic abuse. But they both ignore the reality of... We're letting this happen. Blanche, as an outsider, comes in and sees that. And she's like, what the fuck, Stella? Leave him. She's like, I can't fucking leave him. And guess what? She's pregnant. So all this stuff is happening. Blanche... is being a squatter, essentially.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Yeah, guys, I was in London. And I don't really have... Hey, did I meet Robert Pattinson and Steven Yeun? Yeah. And am I okay? No. No. No. But is it just, you know, this is the life, hold on tight.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Stanley is just a toxic, hyper-masculine male. And Stella, I think, is the real victim in the whole story because she just loves her husband and he's not a good man. And does that make her an ignorant woman or does that make her a victim of her situation? Because in Blanche's mind, it's like, we'll leave. Just leave. And Stella's like, I fucking can't. So just shut the fuck up.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
I don't want to talk about this anymore. Like, that's the situation. Oh, the dialogue is so good. So this is the reality we find ourselves in. Well, things happen. You know, the web begins to become spun. And towards the end, Stanley plays puppet master and he gets Blanche taken away by doctors and And it was the most harrowing scene. And it was done so well.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And Paul Meskel is so scary in this play. And that is such an impressive feat. to distance yourself from how you're known publicly, to fully embody this character. He was doing an American accent. All of them did American accents in the play. I don't think any of them were American. And it was, I could not take my eyes off of him. But let me tell you something else.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
Patsy Farren played Blanche Dubois in this version that we saw. When I tell you, she tore. She carried that fucking play. Paul Meskel, you're great. She's the best, right? I was blown away. Me and Stanley could not sing her praises more. We were like... I was fully just enraptured by her performance.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And she had this sort of manic way of speaking where she was, you know, and she would get way ahead of herself and talk really fast. And then she would try to distract you from what she just said because it was kind of incriminating. And she would go over here and, oh, and if you could get me a Coke with lemon and ice, I'd really appreciate it. It was amazing.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And what we also found out is she's in Mickey 17. She's in the movie that we just went to the premiere. And she plays a sort of supporting character who's British and is kind of the crux of the whole movie, not to spoil anything, but she, her character is very important. Yeah. Stanley was like, she looks familiar. She looks like the girl from Mickey's Empty. And I was like, no.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And then we looked at the name and I was like, oh my God, it is. She was brilliant in this play. I Throughout the play, towards the end, I'm not spoiling anything. This play has been published for almost 100 years. She gets taken away by, you know, psychiatrists, by doctors, at the request of Stanley. Stanley, Paul Meskel's character, orchestrates this whole thing where he's had enough.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
That's how I feel lately. And this is the dream, it's all I need.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
He recognizes fully the reality of the situation, that Blanche is taking advantage of them, and He finds out all this tea on her. You know, you got kicked out of your school for sleeping with a student. You turned into a prostitute to make your way until that didn't work out. You got kicked out of town, this, that, and the other. I know about you, Blanche. I know about you.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
So get the fuck out of my house. I'm not going to be this halfway house for you because you are making decisions that are putting you in this situation. So get the fuck out and figure it out. And so towards the end, this is what I'm talking about, where no one's right. Okay, Stanley's a woman beater. And now he's kicking out this woman who's down on her luck. And is it her fault? Yeah, kind of.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
She made some decisions that were shit. But Blanche, in her reality, she has nowhere else to go. So of course you go to your sister. That's your family. She has no other surviving family. She has no children, no husband. She's late 30s, unmarried. There's no... And she is a self-sabotager. And you feel bad for her because... She did it to herself, and she doesn't want to live like that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
I feel like Hannah Montana sometimes. So yeah, I was just in London and I was supposed to only be there for like less than 72 hours for the Mickey 17 premiere. But I ended up extending because someone who we all might know in Broski Nation was in a play. And that's going to be Paul Maskell. And he was going to be in a little production called Streetcar Named Desire.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
You know, she thinks that she's Miss Astor. Miss Astor was a rich socialite who's on the Titanic, okay? Think like Rockefeller, Carnegie, that sort of, you know, Miss Astor. She thinks she's that, and she's not. And she knows it, but she won't admit it. But Stanley sees that, okay? Oh, their dynamic is fucking great! And the dynamic between sisters, Oh, my God.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
It was just, I could not tear my eyes away. I cried. There were some funny parts. Patsy Farren is just, oh, my God. I have chills thinking about it. So, towards the end of the play, she gets taken away, and they actually take her through the audience. So, the spotlight comes on the little walkway, whatever.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
84: Started My Period in Churchill’s War Room
And I literally, I wish there had been a camera on me and Stanley, my friend Stanley in the audience, because we were... Oh, it was so, wow. So, cannot recommend it enough. They're taking it to New York. If you have the means, but I know this is so obviously like, duh, but if you are on the East Coast in the next two months, try to make your way to go see this play. It was fantastic.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
She talked about, you know, grabbing a camcorder and making videos and shrugging.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
feature length short feature films with her friends and her directing it and being like okay no you're not doing it right like that sort of thing of you've always intrinsically had these passions and you lose them along the way because you are told that other things should matter more and other things take precedence and
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
this culture of shame, you know, around being realistic or you're not good enough for that, or that's never going to happen for you. It's like, I don't really subscribe to that philosophy anymore. And talking about it with other creatives is so healing. And it's so nice to just be like, who you were at eight years old is still you. You just have to find it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
Like do some soul searching and really dive back into it, head first of the things that you used to love and see if you still love it. Chances are you probably do. So for me, this year, it's been about crafting. I love a craft. But for me, crafting is like the whole day is going to be I'm crafting. I'm going to get my little setup. I'm going to get all my materials. I'm going to put my music on.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
And, you know, your hands are going to be dirty. So it's not like you can be on your phone or whatever. It's just a nice break from constantly absorbing information and media and news. It's like, when do you ever get that break other than when you're sleeping? Unless you intentionally sit down and put a literal physical barrier between you and your ability to touch your cell phone.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
So I think that that has been really important for me this year as well. I had a brief stint and I was about to say beef stint, which I'm not sure what that is. I had a brief stint with my air dry clay. Okay. I had a little moment with that. That was really fun. And I made some cool, I don't have it down. Okay. Cause I had only tried it like three or four times and that shit is hard as fuck.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
I like watching Gazoo Studio on YouTube. She really inspires me. She makes the cutest, most original, like, amazing trinket dishes and keychains and jewelry dishes and boxes. It's just so cute. And they are so good as gifts because the thing with clay and any sort of medium like that is... If you have an idea in mind for someone you love, just make it out of clay.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
Even if it looks like shit, it's like the effort of I know you like this and I'm going to create something that could be useful for you in your daily life to remind you how much I love you. It's shit like that. It's like that's why you craft or you craft for yourself. you know, just to get it out. And that's been really good for me this year. I also got into key chaining.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
Okay, I got into key chaining. I got the little, here's the thing for all you craft bitches out there. The thing holding you back from starting a craft or a hobby is the necessary tools. And I know that's right. And I have actually a hard opinion on this because some people are like, it doesn't matter. Just sit down and do it. You don't have to have the right tools.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
You don't have to have the most expensive, whatever. Okay, sure, that's true, but you do have to have tools for it. Like I wanted to get into key chaining and like jewelry making. You have to have the right pliers and you have to have the right little chain hooks or what are they called? Lobster claw, whatever, and octopus, whatever. You have to do it right.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
And just trying to use household things, sure, you can do it, but that's going to piss me off. So I had gone to Michael's craft store and I bought a bunch of just jewelry pliers and I got a set of four and it was amazing how easy it was to do. I was like, oh my God, I should have started this earlier. All I needed was a set of pliers for $6.99.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
So I will say that, that investing in the right tools will make the crafting process so much less stressful and so much more, I was so much more willing to try and learn being adequately prepared. So that was fun. I made some customized key chains for everyone for Christmas. If you're in my family or my friends, don't watch this because you're getting a key chain.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
Bring them back. God, we just need some feel-good music. Save us, Zac Brown Band. Save us, Zac Brown Band, please.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
Yeah, that was really fun to do because it's also fun just to look through all the charms and all the whatever. And I got to do it. And I was like, okay, this is because it's Star Wars. I can put a Star Wars keychain on there for my dad. It was so much fun. I had so much fun. I made 10. I made 10 long ass keychains that probably will break. But I don't give a fuck because it was fun to make.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
And I got to personalize it each single person. I love crafting. Okay, what else did I do? Oh, another favorite hobby I had this year is this sort of concept slash idea of Ireland as a country, right? I would say that was a hobby of mine this year, was getting into Irish lore, Irish history, the struggle of the Irish people.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
And I know I've threatened to bomb y'all a few times, and I'm sorry about that, but it was because a man had tried to fuck on me earlier this year. God, that feels like 10 years ago. What was that, March, April of this year? Yeah, when I had met that beautiful Irish man. He had actually ghosted me. Okay. So I had threatened to blow up your country. I didn't mean it unless, you know what I mean?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
Like I got over it and I'm glad I didn't blow you guys up because I met Paul Meskel. So I've been like really embarrassing. I met Paul Meskel and I threatened to blow up your country and I didn't blow it up. Cause like I did it. Okay. I did it. And, like, Saoirse and Hosier and Cillian Murphy and all my favorite Irish people. I love Ireland. I love Ireland.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
I gotta move to, uh... I, for real, I'm thinking about it. I'm getting a little apartment in Dublin. But I don't know when and I don't know why and I don't know with who. And what the fuck am I gonna do in Dublin? You know what I mean? Other than get into trouble.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
Okay, so that was definitely one of my hobbies was talking about Ireland for no specific reason at all, other than the fact that I love it. And I find the Irish people to be so resilient and strong-willed and proud and survivors. And they have a very strong moral compass.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
I mean, I'm generalizing, of course, I'm sure there's some shitty Irish people, but I think that by and large, you know, those are some people that have fucking been through it and they know right from wrong and they know oppressors when they see it. And it was just a beautiful year of me learning about the history and the fervor in that country. You know what I mean? Okay, let's move on.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
It's like, yeah, the world is crumbling, but you got your cold beer. I'd like to introduce drinking beer into the sort of girls and gays community. I feel like we can reclaim what beer represents to a lot of straight men. I would propose that, okay? Maybe if we put, thinking about the time I went to Ireland and I asked them if they could put some Sprite in my beer, whatever, whatever.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
Another favorite hobby of mine, and this is a psychotic thing to say, if you would show this to Brittany from January of this year, she would say, what cheap drug did you give her to say this? How much is she being paid to say this? And the answer is none. I'm not being paid $0 money to say this. I really enjoyed Bar Method. I really enjoyed Bar Method this year. And that is a workout class.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
It's a workout class. And it was like truly this year felt like Goldilocks. Like I was trying on this workout class for size and it was fucking awful. And then I tried yoga on for size and it was too slow and soft and I didn't feel like I'd worked out. And then I did this and then I found Bar Method and I was like, oh my God, this is exactly what I've been looking for.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
So that's been really incremental, not incremental, fundamental in my, you know, because if you're doing the food side of it, you have to do the body side of it as well. And so that's been part of it for me as well is feeling strong after I complete a bar method class. And I love this shit. And I've talked to you about this before, but it still makes me cry.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
At the end of a bar method class, the instructor does like a five minute wind down that incorporates some elements of yoga, but it's just really about, which I guess is yoga. It's gratitude for your body. And the fact that you had the self-starting sort of motivation to come to the class and to do something good for your body and to exercise it and take care of it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
And even if you want to quit, you still did it and you showed up. You might as well just finish it. And so it really has been great to finish these classes. And I literally cry every single class because she's like, you showed up for yourself today. Give yourself a pat on the back. Do it. Actually do it. And then she literally makes you like give yourself a pat on the back. It's so sweet.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
And yeah, just thanking your body for healing you and keeping you alive and thanking yourself for treating your body well. It's just like I've never in my fucking life. I do not come from a family that gives a shit about health until it's too late. You know, until it's like, well, you got to get your liver replaced because you smoked for 30 years and you drank for 40.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
It's just like, I don't really come from a family that prioritizes health above being skinny. I have tons of people in my family who have gotten weight loss surgeries, who have had, you know, they're on this diet pill, they're on SlimFast, they're on Jenny Craig or whatever. It's just like this endless endeavor to get thin, but not to actually lose.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
be healthy and getting thin, and being thin shouldn't be the goal. It should be, I'm damaging my body by eating like shit all the time, never moving, and then you wonder why your joints hurt, you know, why this hurts, why you snap, crackle, and pop when you get out of bed in the morning. It's just like, I don't wanna be 55 And in pain. Because even, you know, I started at like 242.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
I was 242 pounds November of last year. And I genuinely, every morning I was like, my knees hurt. I have to take a Tylenol to go to bed. Like my back hurts. My shoulders hurt because I had big boobs that my freaking back couldn't support because I had no core strength. It was just all this. And I was on planes all the time. So I'm just sitting. I'm just stationary.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
And it was a very sedentary lifestyle. And I've been trying my best to fix that. And I would say it has absolutely paid off. And I feel great. And I feel proud of myself. But it's, you know... It's a war, always, up here. I've been at war with my body. I tried to chow my stuff down and then I can't go the way back. I love Lorde. But I think, yeah, that's been part of it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
And whoever just fucking laughed, get, guards! I guess we can't put Sprite in beer anymore? I'm sorry, when did fun become illegal? When did we outlaw fun and creativity in the workplace? Fucking bitch. Okay, here's another thing I wanted to briefly introduce before I move on. Is I'm just going to put my cards out on the table. Yes.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
I really have not had any good example of anyone in my family who has prioritized health and not in a holier-than-thou way, just in a, yeah, I like to eat good and I like to move my body. That doesn't exist in my family. Or if it does, it's in some extreme way of like restrictive eating or overexercise or, you know, only eating salad and water. That's not a solution either.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
And that's not a way to live. So I am holding the metaphorical torch, so to speak, and leading my people into freedom, which is the Tomlinson clan into freedom. Because what the fuck, girl? It's been a tough one. Anyway, that's been great this year, bar method. Now I want to get into my favorite musicians. Let's talk music, girl, because that's what we do, right?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
It's what we're really going to do. It's like my favorite thing ever. And this year has been great for discovering new artists for me and diving back into some of my originals because there were some really incredible releases this year, which I will get into, of course. But
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
I think this whole year was just about finding comfort and, like, what do I like and what do I really enjoy listening to and not, like, trying to keep up with what everyone's listening to and, you know, this is the newest thing and this is me picking and da-da-da. Great, but, like, I like what I like. And that's not a revolutionary thing to say.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
It's just I think I've denied myself that for a year or two because TikTok music has become so the leader at the forefront of the cultural zeitgeist, and I just want to reel it back into, When I'm doing my makeup, when I'm getting in the shower, what do I want to listen to? And so that's what this is. Of course, we're going to start with Sam Fender.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
Sam Fender, since he dropped People Watching, which is his new single, I just went right back in down the Sam Fender rabbit hole. Love him. He is on a level of hosier for me. He's getting there, of such intentional and clever lyricism, coupled with just classic, interesting guitar.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
You know, it's a very guitar-heavy music and interesting drums, and I think... I know that his recording and writing process is very... I'm not going to say like non-traditional, but in the music industry, there is a lot of like, you should write with this writer and we're going to put you in a room with this producer.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
And, you know, we're going to test drive things like different producers and writers to see. It's like speed dating to see who fits well with you. And I know that for Sam, in his case, he writes all the lyrics. Maybe he has a few co-writers I'm not aware of. And it's just him and his producer in like a garage or like a studio. It's just, it's very minimal people.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
There's not a lot of cooks in the kitchen and that's how it fucking should be because it's straight from the horse's mouth. And I like that. When you look at some of these songs from other artists or some of the top charting songs of this year, you would be shocked how many writers are on these songs, right?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
What do you mean you need 13 writers to write a song that's the most basic brain-dead pop you've ever heard? I don't understand. And so when you come down to it and you let the artist actually speak and say what they want to say, no one can replicate what Hosier comes up with.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
No one can replicate what Sam Fender has to say because those are such unique perspectives, you know, of how they grew up, what they've witnessed, how they've witnessed it, and how they process it and in turn speak it through art into the world, you know, their opinion or what they think of it all. And... You know, each musician, each artist has their own worldview.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
Okay, I am sexually attracted to the Grinch who is at Universal Studios. I am sexually attracted to whatever the man is inside the costume. Where he banters with the people, he acts like the Grinch, he's mean as fuck to some of the kids. I am sexually attracted to him in a way that's slightly concerning. I get so many videos of the Grinch just like...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And it's never been more apparent than with Sam Fender and Hosea. I'm just consistently blown away by how they see the world. And it's how I see the world. And finding that community and relatability with your favorite artists is just, it is such a special connection. And yeah, I just, Sam Fender has been consistent. I just love him. Don Toliver. Don Toliver? I love Don Toliver, bitch.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I don't know. I don't know. Half of the ones on here are rap. I love rap. I just don't talk about it. I listen to Key Glock a lot this year. I don't know. Ken Carson. Like, I think Don Toliver for me is just a fun... It's like, it makes me feel... Kind of sexy. Right? It's just fun. Like, I like to do my makeup to it. I'll shower to it. I'll do, like, housework to it. I just really like his...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
His voice, and I also like his production. I just, I really like it. And it's never monotone or one note. It's never one note. Like each new Don Toliver release on the album, all the tracks are different, but they exist in the same universe. I love that. Like it's not creating the same song 40 times by some artists. It's like actually respectable, interesting.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Now, are some of the lyrics misogynistic? Yes, of course. Are we shocked? No. But it's still like sonically, I'm like, damn, this one goes fucking crazy. So I think that he was one of my top artists this year. Don't know why. Actually, I do know why. I love his music. Zach Topp. Now, I had a Zach Topp phase that was really, really intense, and for all of you who had to witness that, I'm sorry.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
Zach Topp is... He was one of my favorite country artists of this year. I think what he's doing is he's bringing back classic 90s country, and I just love him for it. And he's paying homage to the originals like Alan Jackson and Randy Travis and all them, but he's bringing a modern flair to it, and I really... I wish he had more music out. Honestly, he's only got like 10 songs out.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
And he used to be in a bluegrass band. And I'm into that because I found some of that on YouTube. And I was like, yeah, give me more of this. Very, very into that. Banks. Banks is consistently in my top artists.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
I think she is one of the, how I was talking about Hosier and Sampander, she is one when it comes to relationships and like your relationship to your womanhood that I listen to her lyrics and I'm like, fuck. She just, she gets it. She gets it. Also, her relationship to sort of past toxic relationships and how she got out and reflecting on that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
You know, I think we all can, in a certain sense, relate to that. And some of her lyrics, she's got... One of my favorite albums of all time is Three by her. And it's just so... She's got a song called Stroke. She's got a song called Godless. I mean, all these songs are so... It's just heart-wrenching and it's interesting, cool, new age production. She's got a psycho voice. I just love her.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I think she is so underrated and I really hope she has a moment soon. Sleep token and bad omens, duh. Okay, that sort of carried over from late fall of last year when I had my little emo phase for 17 minutes into the new year. I saw sleep token at Red Rocks with my friend Camille in May of this year. Euphoric. I was off the edible at Red Rocks. It started to rain. Amazing. Euphoric.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Top five Grinch roasting strangers compilation. Number five. And someone went up to him and tried to do the fucking Gen Alpha, like Gen 1 meme of, okay, me when I got knee surgery tomorrow. Have y'all seen this? It's like the new, I sound old. I'm actually going to rephrase how I said that because that made me feel really bad about myself. It's the meme. It's the Grinch meme.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Truly incredible, dude. Sleep talking. Whoever the fuck the lead singer is, because you know they're all anonymous. His voice is crazy. Their whole branding is just crazy. I think that they could benefit from having a woman on the team to just like polish what they're trying to do. You know what I mean?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
The first couple of shows they did with this new mask that he has and whatever, he's wearing like a cape that has never been steamed. It's shit like that. You know, he's wearing like toms, black toms with some tape wrapped around them. It's like, I see the vision. You just need to have it done more professionally. I think, hire me as your creative director, Sleep Token.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I really have some things to tell you, but I love, I love their music, the concept, the stage presence, the show, immaculate. McGee, MKG, McGee, Rockman by McGee. I keep talking about them. I love that fucking song. I just love it. I'm really, I've been into them and TV Girl. TV Girl is one of my favorites ever. I played them a lot this year, along with Still Woozy.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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That sort of just indie, happy thing. passive white guy rock music. Hell yeah. Love it. And then Beyonce, of course, Beyonce goes without saying she is always in my top artists because I always go back to it. Okay. You always have to get back to it. Seriously. Okay. Now here are my favorite albums of this year. And then I'll do of all time. And let me know if you agree.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
Favorite albums of this year, we're gonna go ahead and do Eternal Sunshine. Hi! Hello! Eternal Sunshine, Ariana Grande has this thing where she releases music when it feels like the girls need it. I needed Eternal Sunshine this year. I needed it. When she dropped Thank U, Next, I needed Thank U, Next. When she dropped Positions, I needed Positions.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Need that so bad. Okay, next. Brat, duh. Brat goes without saying. But specifically the Brat remix album. The remix album, everything it needed to be and more. I love that it wasn't just the original song with a feature. She completely redid the song but kept the structural integrity of what the song was trying to communicate. Charli XCX, you are a fucking visionary and you are a genius.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Thank you for your work. And thank you, AG Cook, as well. Love Seat by Still Woozy. I love this album. I think it's, again, like this sort of prioritizing, listening to things that bring you happiness and bring you a sense of peace. I love Still Woozy for this. Okay, that's sort of, I just love them so fucking much. Now, okay, guys. My top three albums of all time.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And I need you to sort of, you know, stick with me on this. And these are my hard opinions. So just don't, don't fight me. Lemonade by Beyonce. Goes without saying, my number one album of all time. I've listened to it probably 3,000 times. One of the most deeply impactful pieces of media for me in my life. Lemonade by Beyonce. Really not much more to say about that. I've talked about it in depth.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I'm going to do a whole episode eventually on it. A.M. by the Arctic Monkeys. Duh. I am, is more so like a, it was very fundamental in me growing up. Like that high school Britney, that album represented so much to me. That era, like 2013, 2014, that era of just, you either get it or you don't, okay? And AM is that. It's the Tumblr of it all.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Me when I have knee surgery tomorrow. My face when knee surgery. I don't know, it's some fucking Gen Alpha thing, but I keep getting it on my Explore page, and now people are going up to the Grinch at Universal Studios and saying that to him, and he's like, what the fuck?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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It's introducing me to their older discography, which launched me into other different genres that I had never even considered. Around that time, it was just really, it was just indie rock. I'm so into indie rock. And I wasn't before that. You know, it's like before your sophomore year of high school, what were you listening to? You know, I was listening to like, almost Disney Channel stuff.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Well, that's not true. Early high school, I was listening to The Weeknd. I was listening to The Weeknd. I was listening to Trilogy by The Weeknd before I had discovered Arctic Monkeys. And I was on SoundCloud. I was listening to Majad Jordan. I was listening to Post Malone, all that sort of shit. I've just really, Arctic Monkeys was very impactful for me. And then number three is Three by Banks.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
And now this ranking is subject to change, honestly, because I love the Beatles and the beat Rubber Soul was very influential for me as a teenager as well. But I don't know if it deserves all three of all time. Personally for me, Three by Banks really just shaped me. Because this was right after college and I was exclusively listening to Banks and like Check Faker. I don't know why.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Love these albums. I want to try something that we've never done before on this podcast. Okay, team? You know, y'all always hear from me on this podcast about my favorites, my this, my that. I'm gabbing, I'm yapping, I'm gibbing, okay? I kind of want to hear from you guys. I think it's time we introduce a new segment, a one-time segment.
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where we go to the streets, we take to the streets of Broski Nation, and we get a pulse check. Okay, guys, I've actually, for the first time ever, the budget finally approved it, hired an on-the-street correspondent that is going to go out into the streets of Broski Nation and ask some pressing questions. Okay, what are your favorites? What are your top three favorite albums?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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These sort of pressing questions that I just need to know. So, I'm actually, one second. Okay. Okay, I'm actually getting word right now that we are live on the street with our new correspondent, Brittany. Brittany, how are you? Talk to me. Hi, Brittany. I'm out here on the streets of Broski Nation asking people their top three favorite albums of all time. Looking for someone to talk to.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
Anyway, I need him, and I also need the guy who plays, because they have a similar sort of improvisational character interaction thing at Disney, the guy who does Crush, the turtle from Nemo. Isn't that his name? Crush. And he gets up there and it's honestly amazing technology. I kind of was blown away. Where they do, it's like an animation.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
I think we got someone right here. Excuse me, sir. Sir. Oh, it's an NPC. Excuse me, sir. How you doing? How are you? Yeah, great, great.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Thank you. God, thank you so much.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
We're not doing Spotify. We're doing SoundCloud Pro. Yep. What do you know about Ichima?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
My ideal man is kind of like Jack Skellington from Nightmare Before Christmas.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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You know that, like, that demographic of boy is so, like, it's in.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
It's called anemia awareness. We got to feed you a lot of pure protein, a lot of oranges, prone to scurvy.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
What's your, like, did you have a college-era nasty go-to drink?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
Mine was Everclear and Gatorade. Really? I would not recommend, but it was a sort of rite of passage. I had a similar sort of vomit.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
Everclear is going to be like jet fuel. It's like the closest thing to diesel, I think, that they can sell on the market. It's awful. It's pure alcohol.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
And it's one of those where like there's a guy behind it with I'm sure the like green screen probes or whatever it is on his face. And he totally has the voice down of Crush. Hey, give me fin. That sort of thing. Okay, need him. But he'll interact with the audience and he'll kind of make fun of them but answer genuine questions of like, how does the ocean work?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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It's Everclear. It's like absinthe. It's like vodka, but so much worse than... And you'd spike it with Gatorade.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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You're so welcome. I won't even charge you for it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
And I have one final question.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
Timothy Chalamet, any last words? Before we kill you.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Very cheaply made.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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No, no. It's more a symbol.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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This is Broski Nation.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Yes, I Actually don't own this building, I don't know No, this is not dreary.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Feeling normal. Feeling normal and also very relaxed. I feel very relaxed.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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We're going to have Jack Harlow on royal court. That's actually something that needs to happen. I need Kiki Palmer on royal court almost expeditiously, immediately. Caleb Heron, barred from royal court. He's not coming on. Stop asking me, okay? I have a restraining order against him, actually. Yeah, I cannot be in the same room as him or Trixie Mattel.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And he'll be like, great question, son. I don't know, just go with the flow. I could do it. If that guy ever gets sick, call me. Disney, call me. You know, you know I could nail that. And if you ever need Universal, if you ever need someone to do Donkey, I could do Donkey. If you ever need someone to do The Gingerbread Man, I could do that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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It's just really not good for my mental state. I'm just kidding. We're going to have Caleb on pretty soon. And I'm so excited for it. In that episode, Caleb is one of those people. Okay, let me be very genuine for a second.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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caleb you'll never meet someone like caleb he is a diamond in the rough he would give you the shirt off of his back he would give you the keys to his house the keys to his car i mean at the drop of if you ever need anything that man loves so deeply and so genuinely it is such a rarity um And how thoughtful he is, how mindful he is, how emotionally mature, how intelligent.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Because I always say this, you cannot be that funny without being so incredibly smart, well-read, well-spoken. Like, just, he is so smart. And I know that part of it is just intrinsic, but he makes sure to stay informed and to... really have like a solid base of where he's coming from and why he believes what he does. And it's just so inspiring.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And I really, I mean, I love him so much as a sister and a friend, but I really look up to Caleb as well. I just, I love him so much. And so having him on Royal Court, I told my team, I said, y'all need to understand that I'm beat, okay? This isn't about me trying to be funnier than Caleb. He's funnier than me. So just let him ride. Don't cut early, okay? Don't stop rolling.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Get the footage because that bitch is gonna, I just truly like, he's so funny, it makes me mad. I'm actually pissed off. I get livid a little bit. I start to froth at the mouth. I start to foam. I love him. It's going to be so much fun to have him on. So we're going to do that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I lost my shit. Okay. In the new year, we have some even more exciting guests. I feel very normal. And let me just sort of, you know, if we're talking about going into 2025, I know it's cliche. I know it's cornball. I know you don't want to hear it. I am so forever indebted to y'all.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Everything I do moving forward, everything I've always done has been partially to satiate my own creative appetite, but majority to keep y'all fed and happy. I love this job. I love that I get to do this job. I want to do it to a degree that's professional and innovative and happy and creates an environment that people can escape into.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And I am so infinitely blessed that I get to do that and that I get to create these cultural moments that for me, for me...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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is psychotic okay the fact that I was even presently there while it happened aka what you had just witnessed that coupled with the fact that like this really is my job I have to like I'm working with my writers and my production team and whatever of like okay what questions can we ask Cole Sprouse about animals you know it's like I don't I never thought that this would be the job that I do and I'm just forever words really don't summarize the feelings that are
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
If they ever opened up a Shark Tale ride, if there was ever a DreamWorks land, you bet your ass I'm doing the shrimp from Shark Tale.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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swirling around at all times. I'm just so grateful. And I hope to continue doing it for a very long time. And we're just getting bigger and better every year. I have full-time employees now, which is crazy, that we're constantly working on how to make Royal Court better, how to make this podcast better, the hosting opportunities that I do. And I host carpets and I do shows and
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Maybe I'm exploring a new creative medium in the new year that you guys will hear about late March to early April, potentially, God willing. Just sort of stick around and wait for it because there is a project that I have been nurturing and growing and feeding and making sure that it is what it needs to be before I give it to you guys. Yeah. That's sort of what I've been sitting on.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I'm like a big fat duck sitting on a big fat egg. Do ducks lay eggs? Yes. Okay, I'm a goose. I'm a big swollen goose sitting on a big fat goose egg. And the goose egg is for y'all. And it's golden. It's a golden goose egg, but it's actually like, you know how golden chocolate coins, it's just a wrapping. That's what my golden goose egg is, but it's still a golden goose egg. Okay.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And it's from Team U. I got my golden goose egg from Team U TikTok shop. And inside there's little mini brands. That's what my goose egg is. And so I'm going to scream it out. I'm going to scream out my chocolate goose egg and I'm going to hand it to y'all on a silver platter. And it's going to be worth the wait, okay? Because we are putting our pussies into this.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And it's going to be a lot of fun. So that's for 2025. I think also I have a brand collaboration happening in 2025. That makes total sense and y'all are going to fucking love. That'll come out later in the year. There's a lot of things happening, okay? For the Broski universe... We have our own sort of Spider-Man. We have our own Iron Man. We have our own, I don't know, Thanos.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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But yeah, it's a lot of that, team. And it's a lot to look forward to. And I thank you for being here. And I'll see you next week for our Christmas episode. Our Christmas episode. Have a holly, jolly Christmas. Actually, for the Christmas episode, I'm going to open with a 10-part choir of just me doing, Hark of the bells, sweet silver bells, all seem to stay broke as a wedding.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I could do that. I could do that live and I could interact with people, but I would do it in a sort of busker way. Like I would be the shrimp and it would be one of those animated screens where I would pester people as they're walking by. It wouldn't be like a stop and get your picture with me.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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We'll see you next week, team.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Something like that. I would make little shrimp jokes, okay? Don't ever doubt my ability to improv as a character, bitch. Let me be the shrimp from Shark Tale. Watch. Watch me blow it out of the water. All the other shrimp auditionees, you're looking at the winner, okay? For the live action shrimp from Shark Tale.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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am i talking about seriously though if this all goes to shit disney universal you know you know who to you know who to call Okay, and if I just offended anyone by saying that I'm sexually attracted to the Grinch, whatever.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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It's not the craziest thing I've said on this podcast, and it's not even that jarring compared to the wide spectrum of things that I have had a special interest in on this podcast. I think it's also kind of understandable when you understand the type of man that I would go for, the type of man that would metaphorically, so to speak, perk my ears, right? Like I'm a little dog. My ears go up.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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God bless America, team. We are almost done with this fucking year. Guys, what a year it's been. You know what I mean? Horrifying in so many ways. Very beautiful in so many other ways. Good morning, broski nation. Good evening, broski nation, wherever the hell you are on this planet Earth today.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Let's move on. You know, sometimes the bravest among us. Among us. Me when I vent. The bravest among us are those who are willing to say what no one else is willing to say. What's the Archie Monkeys lyrics?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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You could have me be the shrimp. Please, guys, it's a 40 experience. It's a 40 experience. They dunk you in a tank. All right, let's move on. Glad I've been talking for eight minutes about the shrimp from Shark Tale. That's fun. Best of 2024. Now, some of this is going to be media that was released in 2024, and some of it is going to be just media I found, happened to find in 2024, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
So y'all know that I've been steadily making my way through the George Orwell train. I've been reading a bunch of classics. Speaking of which, I saw Nosferatu. Holy shit, I'll get to that in a second. I've been reading, I've been powering through a bunch of classics. I mean, even this year, way back when, I read The Bell Jar, I read Animal Farm, just finished 1984, just started Fahrenheit 451.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Direct from the Broski Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California, this is the Broski Report with your host, Brittany Broski.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And the book that I was talking about last time that was sort of, it's been... that suggested as a cure to the Red Rising hangover is The Will of the Many. That's the one. And I saw someone comment it last time as a suggestion of like, have you liked Red Rising? Okay, I loved Red Rising. So Will of the Many better blow me out of the fucking water. But I bought it. It's on my nightstand.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I'll start to read it soon. Okay, so let's sort of start. We'll start with books, I guess. My... Like, genuinely, I cannot recommend it enough. If you enjoy the sort of Game of Thrones-esque political drama, if you like succession, if you like those sort of shows, I would just really recommend Red Rising because the first book, I've talked about this ad nauseum, was not that impressive.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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But when you get to that third, fourth, fifth, sixth book, I genuinely was like pre-morning ending the series. I tried to prolong it as long as I could. Versus like when I read ACOTAR, I was like, and then, and then, and then... when it was over. This one, dude, I was like, oh my God, it's so good. I'm so in love with the characters.
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When they kill off one of my favorite characters, I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what this sweatshirt is from. I literally, I went full blown. You know, it's a really intense obsession when the minute you finish that piece of media, you're open on Etsy.gov. I'm on Etsy. I'm on Etsy looking up red rising Cassius Albalona sweatshirt. Okay. And purchased. That shit just affected me so deeply.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
I just love it. I'm very excited to see what he does with the seventh book. And if it's ass, I'm going to send a hate letter. I'm going to write a very strongly worded email and I'm going to mail it off. I'm going to print it and I'm going to mail it off because do not ruin this series for me. Okay, I would say that's sort of the highlights.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
Discovering Anthony Bourdain's literature was very important for me this year. It provides me a piece that I think has really been lacking in my life. I mean, when you go back and think about
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
However long ago when I talked about, I found that lady's TikTok where she had the nighttime routine that was the Aperol Spritz playlist and it's just bossa nova and it's enjoying the small luxuries in life and treating yourself. You know, like if you have that nice candle that you're saving, just burn it. Just burn it. That's what it's for.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
You know, if you have a nice outfit that you're saving, just wear it. Like life is so short and this shit's collecting dust in your house. Like it's not just having nice things to have them. It's enjoying because you've earned it because you've worked hard because life is hard. And I'm not saying that that's, you know, contributing to like a spending problem.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
If you have a spending problem, fucking don't maybe. There are ways to have a luxurious experience on a budget, of course. Marshalls and TJ Maxx. I'm looking at you. Some of that stuff is fucking amazing in there. I'm a Maxinista.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
So I think that there are little pockets of peace that this year I carved out and certain pieces of media and music really helped with that because so much of, you know, the music space is so oversaturated with like this pop diva, this pop diva, this one's trying to make it. Is this the song of the summer? Did I just write that fucking bullet?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
Sometimes you just want to take a step away from it and just listen to some music that doesn't have lyrics or just music that's old and think about how different the music industry is from probably when this music was put out. And so kind of diving into Bossa Nova for me this year was really... A nice break. And it's very just pleasant to listen to. It's a very happy mindset to put yourself in.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
Lord, well, actually, that was more Dolly. Actually, I'm just going to stop all on my head. You know what I mean? Y'all, lots to get into today, okay? As we're summarizing the year, here was my concept. We're gonna do a Britney Broski wrapped. We're gonna do a Broski Report wrapped, Britney Broski copyright trademark wrapped, Some of my favorite things of the year.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
Can't recommend it enough. Anthony Bourdain was also part of that because this year, as we all know, as I have not stopped talking about, I am healing my relationship with food. Shout out once again to Alyssa's Magic on TikTok. Looking at food in a sense of fun and enjoying what nature has to offer in its most natural sense. Processed food scares me.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
especially all of this discourse that's been happening this year, you know, around like, this has fucking E. coli, this has listeria, this has, it's like, you can't even trust the food that you get from the grocery store because this country's rotting! This country's in the shitter. This country is a big floating turd in the shitter of the world.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
And we tried to flush it and then the turd's too big and it clogged up the hole. That's what America feels like.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
It's just ridiculous. So I think that pivoting this mindset to like shopping at a farmer's market or buying locally grown food, all of those things I have never thought of in my life, truly. Like I'm just, I was not that type of bitch. Give me the animals, give me the little like goldfish pizza blasted cum juice goldfish flavor. I want it. I love it. But then I was feeling bad all the time.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
And I also felt swollen. And I was swollen. And so I think that I've just taken a more serious approach to my health this year. That's been really nice. Can't recommend it enough. And Anthony Bourdain's books have been very assistive. Is that a word? Have been very conducive to rejuvenation. configuring my relationship with food.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
The way that he talks about food and a dining experience has really helped. And obviously I love his sense of humor and his dryness and his unique perspective. And I miss him every day. And so I think that that combined with, you know, I love Stanley Tucci's YouTube show, The Searching for Italy. Love that because he goes around and he explores how food is different
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
You know, food is linked to community, which is linked to livelihood. And it's such a human thing to create an experience and a culture out of how you pick and prepare food, who you enjoy it with, the ranking order of eating. You know, the elders get to eat first or in some countries the youngest eat first. It's just like showing that how food really is – the link. It's the chain link.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
So I think it's just been very, very nice this year. Let's move into some hobbies that I really had enjoyed this year. This has been the year for me of looking inward and abandoning any attachment I had to being okay with myself, reliant upon what others say is okay about me. Does that make sense? I worded that poorly. But like only giving credibility to the person
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
values and the attributes that other people recognize in me I'm like okay well those are the only things that I should really be feeding and growing and paying attention to but then other parts of me started to die and like erode and corrode away and I was like well that's not good Because if you live your life trying to please other people, of course, it's empty and hollow at the end.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
So, right, guys? And so this year for me, along with the whole food thing, has been about resetting. my relationship with myself and what I want to do. And if I was eight years old, what would matter to me? You know, because around the age of 10 is when my family started to suggest you should wear makeup. You know, you should pluck your eyebrows. You should stop dressing like that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
Some things that may have slipped through the cracks that I would like to bring back up into the cultural zeitgeist, perhaps. One of them being the Zac Brown Band. Okay? What happened to them? I saw them at a Jimmy Buffett tribute. And I was like, God damn the Zac Brown Band.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
76: Auditioning For The Live-Action Shark Tale
You should whatever. And so tapping back in, which has been a theme for a lot of people this year. This isn't uniquely to me. Tapping back into what young me really loved. That is the essence of you. And I talked about this with Saoirse Ronan on Royal Court because we both like heavily related to this idea of nothing about me has changed since I was an early teenager, since I was a tween.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
He... I went to F1. All that to say, I'll talk about F1 in a second, but on the way back, I watched this movie called Ferrari, and it's about Enzo Ferrari, and it's got Adam Driver plays Enzo Ferrari crazy, and it's based in the 50s. It's set in, like, 1957, and it's at the apex of... Ferrari is right now, at this time, only a sort of Italian phenomenon.
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And it's a gem in the crown jewel of fucking Italy or whatever. And we're teetering on the edge of it's about to go global. It's about to be, you know, internationally recognized as a luxury race car. You know, both of those, where it's a luxury automobile company and it's internationally acclaimed race cars. And 1957, so it's the classic car models and stellar cast.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
It's got Patrick Dempsey and Adam Driver and Penelope Cruz. And Penelope Cruz fucking ate down in that movie, by the way. She is the best part of the movie. And Jacko Connell. It's got Jacko in it. My Jacko. And I literally watched this movie for him, and also because it was relevant to F1, and I was like, because now I give a shit about F1, and I was like, um, Jack O'Connell F1 movie?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
Yeah, I think my penis is hard. And so I put it on on the plane, and I was sweating in my fucking seat. Because he's got that golden auburn fucking hair in that movie. Oh! Oh! So I put it on, and it's two hours long. Learned a lot. And it's kind of shit when you learn history from movies, right?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
Because now I'm like, okay, so Adam Driver was... Okay, so when Adam Driver was cheating on his wife, was that 1956? So it's a really interesting story about how they're going under. Like, Ferrari's going bankrupt, and he has to look to either foreign investors or just having a business partner or an investor of some sort because he can't keep up the... The business as it currently stood.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
So Jack O'Connell plays a race driver. He plays a driver. And they do this. It's called the Mille Miglia. The 100-mile... Mille... Famous car race that takes place in Italy. It's a historic race for classic cars, not a high-speed competition. And it's characterized by its unique route through beautiful Italian landscapes and the warmth of the public. It began in 1927. It means a thousand miles.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
Referring to the original race route, which spanned about a thousand Roman miles, approximately 1,500 kilometers. Damn. Today, the Mille Miglia is primarily a race for classic and vintage cars, celebrating the rich history of Italian automotive design and engineering. Yeah, period. Allora.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
So it's about the Mille Miglia and it is... I would say it doesn't shy away from... In fact, it's a main focal point or narrative point of the story that... This sort of driving is incredibly dangerous and always has been. And while in the modern era, you know, I guess there's more safety precautions in place, even being at F1, I was like, this shit is so fucking dangerous.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
The cars are made of... My brother taught me all this, by the way. Shout out, Jet. The cars are made of titanium carbonate? Carbonite? Carbonite. And they're really flimsy because it's all about how the car is aerodynamically designed and... How it's, you know, it's sort of an acute triangle overall of how the car is shaped so that when the wind hits it, it catches the wind.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
So I think I might do the whole episode like this. I don't know if it fits. Yeah, I just sort of wanted to say, like... To do an accent like this, I think I was raised, like my formative years were sort of around British culture and I thought I was going to turn 18 and move to Oxford, you know what I mean? Like go to Oxford, get me a degree at university.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
And it's so dangerous because these cars don't have windshields, at least Formula One cars, which I was gagged to hear. And you're exposed to the elements. It was pissing rain at F1 Miami. And that's dangerous, right? Because you're hitting 250 miles an hour on a straightaway, and then you have to brake suddenly and turn. You're going to spin out, and cars did spin out.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
Fucking Charles Leclerc went out at the sprint race, and I was like, Leclerc! Charles Leclerc. Chuck Leclerc, if you will. Chucky, no! So he spun out and I'm like, well, what happens now? Because that's the one car you get. It's not like there's backup cars, so they have to go fix it. And the qualifier was right after that, like three hours after the sprint race.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
And the qualifier is to determine where your place is on the actual day of the Grand Prix. Like, are you the first car in line or are you the 20th car in line? And spinning out is crazy because you have three hours to fix the car to determine where you're going to be. And if you're last, bruh. So I learned all this and, oh, it's just so dangerous.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
And so watching this Ferrari movie, Ferrari, Ferrari, Ferrari, watching this Ferrari movie was crazy because back in the 50s, it just makes me think, I always think about this, like flying on planes and smoking. No safety precautions, just kind of living life by the seat of your pants. My grandparents used to drive around, no seatbelts. They used to hit a speed bump, boom, you're in the air.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
It's just crazy. And the cars themselves were not safe. Electronics were not safe. Shit used to catch on fire. I mean, it's just what a different time. Shit had lead in it. I don't know. And while I feel like Maybe things are more safe today. Maybe they were better made back then.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
And the Ferrari movie was very interesting to watch because they had to reconstruct the cars, the model cars that they used, and then destroy them after they finished filming. Because if they were to, like...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
be out there just sitting in some warehouse or just the knowledge that they're out there and they're replicas of the original Ferrari cars from the 50s that depreciates the value of the real ones, the authentic ones. And so they had to destroy them, which I thought was really interesting. I mean, this shit is so... It's just a different world, right?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
Watching them race these old cars where the gears get stuck or the brakes fucking rip out or, you know, you hit something and the tire explodes and you kill 30 people. Like, holy shit. And they're through these tiny little roads in Italy. And I'm just, I was, wow, I can't believe that was real. Yeah. And then it got me thinking about, you know, obviously NASCAR and F1 and whatever today.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
There are those big guardrails. Those fans are up in the stands. But even then, if a car collides and spins out, I don't know. It's just fucking dangerous, especially with inclement weather and whatever. And you're hitting such fast speeds. But a big focal point of the movie is death and coming to –
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
I guess, face to face with the reality of to do this thing that you love, as with any, I guess, sport or endeavor that has an element of danger to it for these adrenaline junkies, that is a reality that you have to face. And there's this really, I guess, somber scene the night before the race where they have all the drivers write a just-in-case letter to their loved one.
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their wife, their girlfriend, their mother, whatever, that says basically, you know, if anything happens to me tomorrow, here's what to do. Like a last will and testament or like, just know that I loved you. It was really somber and some of the drivers didn't make it. So it's like, holy shit. And it's this eternal question of, is it worth it?
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This thing that brings me such immense joy and gives me purpose and is fun. And I feel good at it. And I train for it. And I get paid a lot of fucking money if I win. Is all that worth the potential loss of life and how that would affect people? And there's this really just horrific scene at the beginning where they're doing a practice race. It's not asphalt. It's just a dirt road.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
Or maybe it is asphalt. But it's out in the middle of the country. And there was some, you know, electric or engineering mishap in the engine. And it locks up. And he can't brake for a turn. And he spins out, I mean, through the air, probably 25, 30 feet up in the air. And hits a fucking rock and dies. And it gets back to Ferrari. And they're like, you know, bro died.
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But I don't know, it never worked out, did it? Because they was doing, like, everything had a British Union Jack on it in Walmart and on Tumblr and Etsy, all that sort of clothing. And I remember, like, my whole closet was that. And I had some Five Sauce. When I liked One Direction, I liked Five Sauce as well. And they was Australian. I think they was Australian, weren't they? Or were they Kiwi?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And he's like, give some money to his girlfriend. Let's find a new driver. Holy shit. I mean, just it's cold. It's fucking cold. And I guess it's one of those things where, I mean, you know, you think about something like the military, where when you sign up for it, you're accepting the very real possibility and potential of death. And ultimately, you're a warm body.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
He was a very skilled driver, but he was just a warm body in the car. That can be replaced. And there are people that would kill to be in that position. And so it's just very... What a different world from... You know, it's on the fringes of entertainment, these professional adrenaline junkie sports where they have huge fan bases.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I mean, the last, like, death in F1 was 2010 or something like that? That's not that long ago. So... That was crazy. The Ferrari movie was... I enjoyed it. I enjoyed Jack O'Connell. And I think Adam Driver did great. It's always interesting to me in films like that where it takes place in another country, yet the film is in English.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
Part of me is like, I almost wish it was just in Italian with English subtitles. And I wish they had picked Italian actors. Because as much as I love Jack O'Connell, I don't know. It was... He actually plays an English driver. He plays Peter Collins. And... So he, I guess, still would have been speaking English, but... I don't know.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
It's like if you're going to do an accent for a movie like that, fucking stick with it and maybe study it and do it well. Like learn how to say the city names and shit like that. It's just so. Anyway, on my list to watch is the F1 Netflix thing because I started it like two years ago. Boring. Don't give a fuck. Now, I know the players. I know some of the drama. I know how the race works.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
Again, shout out to my brother. He taught me so much and I'm like, Oh, okay. I'm getting it. I'm getting it. I think the, the circuit as well, like how many races they have to do in a year, it's like 32 races or something crazy business, crazy business. And can I speak my truth? One of my bucket list things, before I even knew anything about F1, is the Monaco Grand Prix.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
I've always wanted to go to that because it's in Iron Man 2. Hello! It's in Iron Man 2, and it's actually a very important scene because that's where he meets Anton Vanko, okay? Because Stark is, like, dying. because palladium is poisoning his blood. So he goes on this string of self-destructive behavior. He's doing all these bucket list things.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
He's acting recklessly because he thinks he's dying, aren't we all? And they're in Monaco for the Grand Prix. Stark Industries, they sponsor a racing team, or I guess a racer. And halfway through this meeting, by the way, Elon Musk is in that movie. Crazy. This is in 2008. 10 is when Iron Man 2 came out. Crazy how life changes. He goes, Stark, Tony, if you will,
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
Halfway through this luncheon they're having to watch the Grand Prix disappears, and then on the TV behind Pepper, his CEO and girlfriend, he shows up next to the car in the Stark Industries racing uniform, and he's stolen it from the driver. The driver's pissed off and throws the helmet on the floor, and Tony's like, what's the point of having and owning a race car if you can't drive it?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
And the race car driver's like, And so he races in the Monaco Grand Prix. And that's how I know about the Monaco Grand Prix because they show these wide sweeping wide shots or drone shots of, you know, the fucking bay and the mountains and all the houses. And oh, it's just what a dream. Since I saw that when I was a kid, I was like, Monaco Grand Prix.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And now there's a possibility that I could be going to the Monaco Grand Prix. This life is fucking stupid. This shit is stupid. This episode of the Broski Report is brought to you by Google Gemini. Exams, essays, deep breaths. Gemini Advanced is now free for college students in the U.S. The best part? This offer isn't just for finals this semester.
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93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
Sign up before June 30th and you'll get free access all the way through spring finals 2026. This offer includes Gemini Advanced with Google's best AI models, Deep Research, Notebook LM+, WISC, and two terabytes of storage. Terms apply. I use Gemini literally every day and every single episode of this podcast because I'm always researching things.
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93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
I wish I could have used the summary feature in college because it provides a top-down overview of the main points of what I'm trying to learn about. And then from there, you can research specific topics. Visit gemini.google.com to learn more. Terms apply. This episode is sponsored by SeatGeek. It's Cowboy Carter summer. Y'all better get up, stand up.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
I was searching for the best deal on tickets, which is why I want to give the sponsor of today's episode, SeatGeek, a huge shout out. With over 28 million downloads, SeatGeek is the number one rated ticketing app. There are more than 70,000 events listed on SeatGeek, including concerts, sports, festivals, and more.
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93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
No, I think that was Australian. I didn't really, I don't rate that accent. I don't like it. I do like, I much prefer like an Essex. And if you're going to do posh, I do think it's quite really, it's more, I don't relate to this accent as much. There's something very charming about like the British blue collar working class, like really defining about sort of a council estate thing.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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There are so many artists going on tour this summer, like Beyonce, Gisele Knowles-Carter, The Weeknd, Kendrick Lamar and SZA, Post Malone, Tyler, The Creator, Sabrina Carpenter, and more. I love using SeatGeek. I used SeatGeek to find tickets to see Kaleo, my favorite Icelandic band, later this month, as well as my Cowboy Carter tickets. SeatGeek has your back.
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93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
Make sure you click the link in the description to download the app and have the code automatically added to your account so you can use it later. Thanks, SeatGeek. So I went to F1 with Red Bull. Shout out to Red Bull. And they had, in my hotel room, they had gotten me blueberry Red Bull. They were like, it's out of season right now. Okay, right now we're doing wild peach.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
We're doing wild peach sugar-free. Best I can do is wild peach. You guys don't have blueberry? They were like, let me see what I can do. So in my hotel room, it was so sweet. They gave me blueberry Red Bull. a coveted item. So I had that and we went and man, it's just such a universe. Because the thing about F1 is it's international. So, so many people there were not American and it's so fun.
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Shit like that is so much fun to see. I mean, it was like when I went to the Olympics, I've never experienced anything like that. It's not a bunch of mouth-breathing sunburned Americans at a NASCAR race. Even though NASCAR is fun. I mean, I've been to a NASCAR race. It's, it's very, it's almost like, you know, it's a leg up. And that was fun to watch all the different cultures.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I mean, people bring their flags and they wear all their racing gear and, and they come to support and it's fun. And that shit is not cheap. Like a ticket to everyone is like $450. I don't know. And it rained. It rained the whole time, but it was great. And so we were with Red Bull and man, it's just at an event like that, anyone could go.
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It's kind of like an NFL game when you're in one of those box suites or whatever, where we were fucking DJ Khaled was there. I walked right by DJ Khaled. Bring out the whole ocean. Life is Roblox. We were watched by DJ Khaled. Who else was there? Oh, Timothy, my twin and best friend, Timothy Chalamet. I didn't get to see him. He stayed over in the paddock, in the garage.
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93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
And he was supposed to come over to where we were, but he never did. And I was like, that is so... This shit is so serendipitous. Like, what do you mean? And so we were watching the race and... Cracked out on Red Bull And it was so much fun Ultimately Max Did place Fourth Fourth or fifth McLaren won Oscar, Oscar Pietro, Pietri. And he is hot, ultimately. And Lando Norris is hot, ultimately.
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And that was fun, as well, to see a bunch of beautiful men. They let us go in the paddock, like, actually where Max's car is. And that was fucking nuts. It is a science. It takes them three days to build that whole setup in there. Six hours to strike it. Damn.
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93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
uh where they hold the tires the tires are heated and have a certain air around them like to keep them ready for and all the different types of tires jet was telling me about where you know red is is the best for racing but sometimes you gotta go yellow and white is to go around as sort of like you know oh these are the pretty ones there's so it's just such a science
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And how many times they run the circuit. I mean, you're very familiar with every turn, every crevice, every, you know, if the wind is moving a different way and try to do this turn one second, you know, one tenth of a second faster. It's just crazy. And I was shocked to hear how young all of them are. I mean, what's his name? Kimi? The Italian for, what team does he drive for? He's 18! 18? !
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nuts. And you know what? I kept mentioning to people, because I can't help it. They have F1 Academy, which I guess is where they train. And that's such a rich person activity, right? You got to be a richo to train for something like that. It's all women. And I was like, how have there never been female F1 drivers. And they were like, well, no, no, no. A woman in the like 20 for the Grand Prix.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
class of that is truly the beating heart of England right like that's that's where the culture comes from and it's where pubs and and community like that that's where it's built and I find that really charming and um yeah man that that's sort of it I do think, though, being American, because you forget I'm American sometimes when I'm really, like, deep into it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
Like, why are there? And they were like, you know, well, it's not inherently like they're barred or anything. It's just, you know, like what Kimi came from the F1 Academy. And I'm like, okay. So I'm, yeah, guys, I'd love to see a woman out there. Fucking please. That would be really cool. Because it's all men. And that's fine, I guess. Whatever. Well, it's not fine. I'd like to see a woman win.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
But yeah, that was the long and short of it. I had a fucking blast. And Red Bull really hooked it up. I got so much swag. I got some merch. And it's just really neat to... Participate in an event like that that's global and it travels to so many cities. They're done with the American races now. And now they're in Italy, I think, this week. And then Monaco after that, Barcelona.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
I mean, it's just crazy. They were in Japan. Max won Japan, I think.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
But I'm just very happy, ultimately, that I could combine my two special interests right now of F1 and Jack O'Connell because I do sort of love them. But really, I really do love them.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
This Jack O'Connell shit, y'all just please be patient with me. You have to see me through it, okay? It'll be done before you know it, but I'm likening this to, y'all have seen me through a lot, okay? I was the Austin Butler phase. Again, I'm sorry about that. I kind of went over the top with that. I had a really intense, my Pedro phase, of course, that was horrific, and I'd like to apologize.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
I'd like to apologize about my Robert Pattinson phase, okay? It's also, it's horrifying now because I've met the majority of these people. I did not meet Austin Butler. I don't know if I could ever meet Austin Butler. But ultimately, you know, what I say on the interweb will... be realized. And that's horrifying because at my core and to the heart of me, I'm a fangirl.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
There's something about a fangirl that's not meant to meet the person you fan out about because I like things in a weird way. I like things in a weird way. I'm not a casual observer. I'm not, oh, yeah, I saw that movie. Yeah, he's excellent. I know where you were born. I know what your favorite food is.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
I know what you said on 2008 on a stormy day in an interview in a hotel you gave that was a print magazine. I cannot like things a normal amount.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
And when I work in this industry where there is a high likelihood that I will either be at a premiere, an event, a party, whatever, where I will see that person and ultimately, you know, someone on their team is like a fan or my agent goes and it's just like, you want to meet? No, no, I don't want to meet Robert Downey Jr. What the fuck are you talking about? I don't want to meet him.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
I damn near got a tattoo for Robert Downey Jr. Like, I can't just go up and be like, Robert, I'm such a huge fan of your work. No, yeah, it's really great to me. I can't do that shit, okay? And I try. I try and fake. I really do try and be professional. I'm such a big fan. That's really nice of you. Have a good one. And then I turn around and I do... into a brown paper bag. Like, I try, bro.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
Sometimes I really just, I can't keep it in my pants. I really can't. When did I pee? I peed on myself one time. I peed on myself, oh, when I met Harry. Yeah, the first time I met Harry, I peed on myself. I literally, I was so excited. I was like, right after he left the room, a little pee came out.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
And I was like, I don't think that that is something that would ever open me up to being in a room with him ever again if they knew that I soiled myself when I met him.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
When you get to embrace the man that sort of gave you a worldview, gifted you a worldview, and gifted you a mantra to walk through life with, treat people with kindness, and to model how you treat people and see the world and receive the world. When you get to embrace the person who gave that to you, how do you not leak a little bit? Yeah, I leaked fucking piss and liquid. Whatever.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
I've gone to UK before, and when I'm there, I'll go to Gregg's, I'll go to the local pub, whatever, and I'll go in, I'll sort of order. And I always wonder, like, do they know that I'm American? Because you can put it on quite thick. You can do the action quite thick. And I always wonder, like, are you clocking me?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
Oh, and you wouldn't? And you wouldn't? Whatever. And when I meet Robert Downey Jr., when I meet Jack O'Connell, I would just like to apologize up front to both of them because I know it's going to happen and I'm going to be weird. I'm going to be weird. I don't know how to not be weird. Whatever.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
I wanted to Google some shit about F1 because, you know, it's nice to have someone there that you can ask questions to, but... It's just, it's a lot of questions. And I have really hyper-specific questions that sometimes Jet was like, I don't know. So I'm going to Google, why is the Grand Prix 57 laps? Right? Because that's such a specific number. I don't know.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
The number of laps in a Formula One, this is from Gemini AI overview. The number of laps in a Formula One Grand Prix is determined by the minimum race distance, which is 305 kilometers. The number of laps needed to reach that distance varies depending on the length of each circuit. For example, the Miami Grand Prix is 57, while the Melbourne Grand Prix is 58. Now that is crazy. Why is it 305?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
Why is the Grand Prix 305 kilometers? That was another thing when I was watching the Ferrari movie. They did not stick to the accent, and it was making me very sort of... That's not... That kind of turned Swedish for a second. If you're going to do Italiano, stick with the Italiano. And they were saying city names. And I was like, bro, it was just, you know, that was my one note.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
I was like, God, I wish this was in Italian. Anyway, rather than haphazardly racing on random roads in each nation, rules established in 1989 dictate that each race would run for 305 kilometers or 190 miles. Each circuit's length will vary, but an F1 race will see the drivers repeatedly lap the track until they complete 305 kilometers. Where did that come from, though?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
Oh, T. The sole exception to this rule is Monaco's extraordinarily tight and twisty street circuit, which runs for 260 kilometers instead. I'm just going to read this shit out because I'm learning it, and therefore I'm kind of teaching you guys. Each Grand Prix, each Grand Prix, begins with a formation lap. Is there one in Paris? Is there a French Grand Prix? Yes, there is a French Grand Prix.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
While it was not part of the 2023 Formula One calendar, the 2022 French Grand Prix was held at the Circuit Paul Ricard in Le Castellet. The race was officially known as the Formula One Lenovo Grand Prix de France. why is the Monaco Grand Prix so famous? Its unique track layout, prestigious history, and the glamorous setting it's held in.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
The narrow, winding streets of Monte Carlo make it a challenging and visually stunning circuit for drivers. The race's long history, dating back to 1929, and its role as a major part of the Formula One World Championship contribute to its iconic status. F1 schedule 2025. Okay, yeah, as I'm looking at this again... Oscar Piastri. Oscar Piastri, which I think he's Australian. Is he Australian?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
Are you seeing through my sort of facade? Facade.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
This is his fourth win this year. There have only been one, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. One. Oh, no, sorry. Six. There have been six.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
And he's won four of them. Max won in Japan. Lando Norris won in Australia, and the rest have been fucking Oscar. Crazy. Okay, next up is Emilia Romagna, Formula One, AWS, Gran Premio del Madre, Gran Premio, Gran Premio. There is a slight difference between a Spanish and Italian accent. Actually, there's a huge difference, if you really want to get granular.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
But I always consider it, it's in the lilting of it. Gran Premio versus Gran Premio, right? Or am I making that up? Anyway. Del, made in Italy, y dell'Emilia Romagna, 2025. That's May 16th and 18th. Monaco, Spain, which is Barcelona, I believe. Canada, Austria, Great Britain. Belgium, Hungary, Netherlands. Italy, Azerbaijan, Singapore, United States.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
And I never know. I never know. Because I've gone up to Greg's one time. Greg. I've gone to visit Greg. And I've ordered, like, a sausage roll. Like, a disgusting, greasy sausage roll. Maybe, like, a kebab. And, yeah, I don't know if I even cared. Or I've gone up to, like, a Maccy's. Probably, like, I don't know, maybe three, four years ago, I was in the UK. I ordered a Maccy's.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
Mexico, Brazil, Vegas, Qatar, Abu Dhabi. Okay, so there's not one in France. I wonder why. Paris feels like a... Maybe they're like, we don't want that shit here.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
Get that loud shit away. Formula One MSC Cruises United States Grand Prix. Where is it?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
Circuit of the Americas. Is that in Austin? Austin. I am so smart. When is the Austin one? 17th through 19th October? That's right around ACL.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
It's like one weekend after ACL. Might have to go check out the Austin Grand Prix. Why isn't there a France F1 race? The French Grand Prix is currently not on the Formula One calendar due to a few factors. Primarily, the number of races on the calendar is increasing, leading to competition for spots, and the French Grand Prix was dropped after four years at Circuit Polycalde.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
The Monaco Grand Prix, a highly prestigious event, also makes it difficult to schedule another race in the same area. I guess that's true because Monaco is like South France. Well, it's its own country, right? Monaco is its own country.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
But they speak French there. And they speak German. They speak... What language is spoken in Monaco? French.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
French. Monega, Monegasque, a variety of Ligurian, is the national language of the Monegasque people. However, it's the primary language of a very few people. There are several other languages spoken in addition to French and Monegasque, including Italian and English. Because look where it is. La familia Tamo, Naco.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
Okay. Look how tiny this is. Okay, so there it is. And here is the grand. It's right by Nice. Nice. It's like the very southeast of the French and Italian border.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
That's rocketmoney.com slash broskiereport, rocketmoney.com slash broskiereport. Why? Okay, what was I Googling? Why isn't there a French Grand Prix? Oh, they're saying it makes it difficult to schedule another race in the general area due to potential overlap, because they both speak French. Okay, sure.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
And I was like, yeah, you're right. I've gone to, like, number four. She said, is that all? She was American. And I said, yeah, that's all. Anyway, the major difference for me, like when I was learning it, when I was sort of falling into it, was...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
Some fans and experts have criticized the race at Circuit Paul Ricard, where the French Grand Prix was held from 2018 to 2022, for lacking excitement and overtaking opportunities. I will say, having been an F1 expert... As of two days ago. I agree because when we were positioned, our viewing point was positioned at a very interesting turn.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
It was almost like an S. And they're coming straight from this super long straightaway where they're hitting really hard. intensely fast speeds. And then they have to brake all of a sudden and like switch gears and go around. And so that's a perfect opportunity.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
Like if you're on the inside for someone to overtake you on the outside and then, you know, it happens again because it's the sort of S curve and then you go super fast again. Ultimately, what Jet was telling me is it comes down to how well the driver knows their car and how well the engine runs, how well the car is built. And for some reason, McLaren just, they have great cars. And,
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
I don't know if – because here's the thing also as well, okay? When I was around the age of 10 or 11, my favorite movie was Speed Racer because I thought Emile Hirsch was hot, okay? Who doesn't? I watched Speed Racer probably about 350 times, and I remember there's this scene where someone's teaching him how to drive or he's teaching someone else how to drive. I don't remember.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
I haven't seen it in probably 15 years. I should watch Speed Racer tonight. Yeah, yeah. Oh, by the way, I watched Beautiful Creatures after the last episode. It's still great. It's still fucking great. I don't care. I really enjoyed it. The ending pisses me off, but I still really enjoyed it. Speed Racer.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
There's a part where he drives on this crazy track with his eyes closed because you have to know the track. And it's a really cool sequence, actually. Or maybe I'm just seeing this through my 11-year-old eyes. Like, this movie's awesome. Where he, like, breathes in and everything goes quiet. And he's switching gears and he's doing all this bullshit and he's whatever. Because he is part of the car.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
That's the whole thing. It's like, you have to be the car. You gotta lick the marble. You gotta be the marble. That's what it is. And so that, but like, I'm getting it now. I'm getting it. Okay. Cars, speed, I am speed. I eat rookies for breakfast, Lightning McQueen. It was so funny during the whole fucking race. I kept leaning over to Jet and being like, so which one is like Dinoco?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
And which one is Chick Hicks? Ka-chig-a, ka-chig-a. And which one is Lightning McQueen? And then on F1, because here's the difference, I think, right, cars are supposed to be in NASCAR, in the NASCAR universe. F1 is different, so they have different rules and different names for shit. They would call it, like, when a car gets injured, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
To do an accent like that, it sounds like you're chewing on your words, like you're chewing on your O's and A's, maybe E. It's very rounded when you're chewing on it. It's got to be almost in the front of your mouth because it's almost going to come out your teeth. And then the American accent is very er. It's very back of the throat.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
the safety car comes out and it leads everyone and they have it on the screen, like safety car, virtual safety car, whatever. And I think it's an Aston Martin. Is that what the safety car is? I don't know. But it's got a light on it and it's like, you know, hey. And they lead them around the track for a second until it's clear.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
Or like if there's a crash, God forbid, they have to get this crazy crane out and grab the car. Beep, beep, beep. And that's a danger because what if the car is like this and they can't, you know, it's blocking the road. And then here comes 19 other cars going 300 miles an hour. So I feel like an old man right now. I genuinely feel like an old man. Okay, anyway, what was I saying?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
Oh, and I kept saying, when the safety car came out, I said, so that's like the pace car in Cars, right? And Jack goes, yes, it's like the pace car in Cars.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
This guy. Charlie Checker. Yeah, official pace car. Fuck you. This guy, official pace car, he'd come out, he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, right for the piston cup.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
And he's real serious, because you don't overtake the pace car. That is a no, no, no. Yeah, it was just, it was crazy, the whole thing. I think I would have enjoyed F1 more if they would have been playing the car's soundtrack over the speakers. Real Gone, if they would have been playing some Rascal Flat's Life is a Highway, if they would have been doing some Behind the Clouds, the sun is shining.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
Brad Paisley again. Brad Paisley mentioned two weeks in a row. That soundtrack is just fucking great.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
Life could be a dream. Boom, shaboom. Life could be a dream. I'm the only one that I love. Life could be a dream. Sweetheart, hello, hello again. Meet again. What a great song.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
Yeah, that whole soundtrack. If they would have been playing that, you know, volume 150 over the speaker. I don't want to hear the commentary.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
No. Cars are hitting each other, smacking against the wall. Life could be a dream. Life could be a dream.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
That would have been the vibe, okay? In my head, the movie that's always playing in my head, that would have been the collage sequence, the montage, okay? It's also tea that Red Bull... First of all, has two teams. Crazy. And second of all, they're such an outlier. This is what Joe was telling me as well.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
They're an outlier because the rest of the teams are, like, professional... Or not professional. They are luxury car brands, for the most part. I mean, there's some outliers, but Red Bull feels like the most... successful, rich, like they just are really freaking their shit compared to legacy brands like Ferrari or Aston Martin or McLaren or whatever that are
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
The majority of their money comes from, I guess, just being rich and famous and having people buy those cars. Versus Red Bull, you can get a Red Bull at a gas station. It's very, I guess, more democratic in its approach. And to have two teams is just nuts. Like I was saying, we were able to go into the paddock. and see the car, I had no idea that the drivers essentially are, like, laying down.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
You don't move your mouth as much because it's in the back of your throat. It's kind of er. What I like about the English language is there's a lot of glottal stops is what it's called. Uh-oh. That's what we call a glottal stop. Because your glottis... I could be speaking out of my ass right now. I'm not a fucking phonetician.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
And you pull so many Gs on your neck and, like, I guess chest when you're going that fucking fast that they have to wear these crazy neck braces. Nuts. You gotta be a thick-necked motherfucker to drive for F1. You gotta be a thick-necked, big-forehead bitch to drive for F1. And that's for real, for real. They're also so skinny and tiny. We were in the paddock...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
I need to be like muzzled and caged like a fucking dog. We were in this paddock and I leaned over to the girl giving us a tour and I said, is it a requirement that everyone that works in here is sexy? She started laughing. I said, I'm being serious. It was ridiculous. Like not an ugly man in sight. And I said, what is going on?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
Are they all like, cause Max is Belgian Dutch, Belgian Dutch. Max Verstappen. Dutch Belgian. I'm a genius. He's my age. Shout out. It's all these dudes in there. And they're just... They are so beautiful. I was really having a tough time.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
I was having a hard fucking time. We were in there and it's just looking around. Every single thing has a purpose and a place and a time. And, you know, don't get in their way. Very, very fun experience. I'm very glad I could bring my brother. Shout out Red Bull. Thank you so much for having us. And shout out to Red Bull Racing and F1 because slay. And yeah, the Monaco Grand Prix. Bitch, imagine.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
Imagine. So is Tony Stark here or is he showing up later? Oh, he's showing up later. Oh, Stark Industries got disqualified. Oh, now that is very interesting. Okay, so he will not be racing.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
Yeah, that'd be awesome. I show up in my... Oh, the merch is insane, by the way. Like, why is a F1... hoodie or like zip up jacket, $350. Why is it like a luxury brand? It's crazy. A NASCAR t-shirt's like 15 bucks at Walmart. You know what I'm saying? I'm going to go get me one of those. Make my own on Etsy. Sell it. Yeah.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
Oh, I was going to say, I'm going to show up to the F1 race in Monaco with the official like
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
formula one red bull oracle fucking whatever and then it's gonna say stark tech stark tech stark industries and they're like where did you get that i made it you made your own race i had made it yes okay but you know like on the the shirt on the merch it's like the official sponsors of i'm if i am acquainted i'm well aware i just had wanted to wear stark industries just for a moment Let me live.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
Let me live my fantasy, you fucking bitch. I get kicked out. They have to drag me out. I'm like, where's Tony? I'm blackout drunk. Where's Tony Stark? Where's Tony Stark? They tase me. I'm drooling on the floor. Anyway, I think that's it for me this week, guys. My songs of the week are actually, I'm going to give you a genre of the week.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
Your glottis is what... It's somewhere back there in the back of the throat. And so when you do uh-oh... or like water bottle, that sort of, it's glottal. Okay, are there any linguists in the fucking chat?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
Actually, I can give you some songs and some artists of the week. I have been very deep into reggae. I'm doing reggae right now. It calms me. It's fun. I'm having fun. Yeah, I'm doing reggae right now. And I've got some artists. These are just like the classic reggae songs. I'm dipping my toes. I'm not doing headfirst right now. I've got to warm myself up to it because that's how it goes.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
Okay, so, duh. It's a lot of Bob Marley. It's a lot of Gregory Isaacs, Sister Nancy, UB40, if you count UB40. Red, red wine. Oh, that's wrong. Toots and the Maytals. How many kids does Bob Marley have? Damian Marley...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
Skip Marley. How many sons does Bob Marley have? Seven? Damn. Ziggy Marley. Damian Marley. Rohan Marley. Twelve kids. Damian, Ziggy, Rohan, Steven, Kaimani.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
Just for one fucking day, I'd like to go on God's internet and not have a goddamn ad pop up. Motherfucker. Every single, every single free space on God's internet has a fucking ad on it. What do you mean? I'm trying to look up how many sons does Bob Marley have and you're advertising parade.com to me? What the fuck is parade.com? And now I'm exiting out of the tab.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
Ultimately, fuck that website and fuck you guys. Fucking hell. Okay. That'll do it. Those are my... Oh, my songs are... Oh, you want to know something else I was going to say? I just found this reggae mix playlist that Spotify kind of made for me, and it's just all the, I guess, heavy hitters, most popular.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
93: F1 & The New White Boy of the Month
So many of the songs I recognized, and this is embarrassing to admit, but at least I'm cultured, kind of. I recognized from Beyonce and Jay-Z. I recognized Bam Bam. That's from... Well, Jay-Z on 444, he has that. It's just like sample. And then Beyonce did it as a dance break in the, I think, Formation or On the Run 2 tour.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Anyway, do you know what I also think? I'm going to do the whole fucking episode like this. I don't know. Do you like it? Do you like it? Maybe next time I'll do like an Irish. I've got to perfect me Irish. Up the parish, I've got to work on it. It's not quite up to par with the rest of it, you know. But, yeah, man, I've been sort of like...
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Or no, what was the one before the Renaissance tour? Was it On the Run? Or Formation? I can't remember.
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I recognize Jamming by Bob Marley. Beyonce incorporated that into her Stevie Wonder tribute. There was another one that I recognized. Oh, no. She incorporated that into when she does No, No, No by Destiny's Child. That's from the Sasha Fierce, I Am Sasha Fierce world tour. And I'm like, oh my fucking God, all of these songs.
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She's such a good blender, like of who, all of her favorite references, but it's not even sampling. She just like will sing it as a transition into one of her own songs. And it's genius because she finds a similar, it's just, oh my God, I love her to goddamn death. But there were like three or four instances where I'm like, holy fuck, I know all these songs are Beyonce. I love Beyonce.
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My other song of the week that is not reggae is Let's Do Never Quit by Yeet. I love that song. I listened to it in the shower this morning. It's great. Every time it starts, I'm like, hey, hey, hey. It'll get me every time. Right. Thank you lot so much. Ta. And we'll see you later. Great day for a Guinness, innit? So rum. Yeah, it's the Gilroy Collection.
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I got it at the Guinness Factory in Dublin. I do sort of miss Dublin. Right, love you guys. I'll see you later. And if you couldn't understand me for part of this episode, I'm sorry.
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It's just sort of, you know, my ancestry, British and Irish, I can't really help it. It just comes out, don't it? So, yeah, right. Ta. Cheers.
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Do you know what? Do you know what it is? I've been doing a lot of Jack O'Connell interviews. I've been watching a lot of Jack O'Connell.
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Oh, I just fancy him, don't I? I can't help it. I can't help it. I just love him. He's got a girlfriend. Fucking hell. Fucking hell.
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Every time I come on his fucking podcast, I'm like a man. I like a fucking man who's got a fucking... Oh, my God. Wait, is it my turn to be happy? I just, like, win. My God fucking hell. I come on this fucking microphone and I make a mug out of myself. I'm a fucking mug.
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Anyway, yeah, I've been watching a lot of Jack O'Connell, obviously because of Sinners.
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I was watching Sinners probably maybe three, four, five, ten times.
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I don't know. I've sort of lost track at this point. But, you know, I was like, where have I seen him before? He's been in other things. And I'm like, he looks so familiar. I've never seen Skins all the way through, which I know will shock people because I get a lot of – When I was doing TikToks like 2020, 2021, early on I was doing skits.
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I'd do a lot of Love Island skits and I'd do a lot of, you know, like Gemma Collins and TOWIE and Your Mother Me All, that sort of thing. Just like the sort of topical British phrases. And it's fun, right? It's like a character. But I think to be able to do a character really well like that, it's a reverence for the anachronisms. Is that the right word? Anachronism. Anachronistic. Anachronistic.
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Now, why do you say it like that? Belonging to a period other than that being portrayed. I guess it's sort of a culturally anachronistic phenomenon, right? Like, I'm not English. Against all better judgment, I know I look like it. I know it sort of makes sense for me, but I'm not. So...
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watching these sort of shows, like, this is its own little world and it's so different from where I am and, like, what I, like, how I talk, how I speak to my mates and things like that, you know. So watching it, I really absorbed it. I was also very young. Maybe I was, like, I was very, I was a wee little girl.
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Like, watching it, you're a sponge, I think, when you're little, like, when you're, like, Growing up. And I just absorbed it, man. I don't know why. I don't really know why it stopped. But yeah, I can't really place it as well. Like I said, it's sort of Essex. It's majority Essex because I was watching The Only Way is Essex called Towie. And it's sort of that East London, maybe.
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But I don't know, because I listened to Waddell and... Things like that, like people from Derby and Camden Town, shout out Camden. And oh my days, I meant to tell you lot, I meant to tell you lot. Okay, on the flight back from Miami, I've got to talk about F1, right?
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That's a whole separate thing. I'll do that in a minute. Like, give me a moment, if you don't mind.
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On a flight back from Miami to Los Angeles, I was sort of on the plane.
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And on YouTube, I had rented Back to Black. Because guess what? It's got Jack O'Connell. It's got Jacko in it. Of course, I'm fucking watching it. And so I watch it. And it ignited a sort of...
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animalistic sense of need and want and desire. It ignited a sort of animalistic desire in my spirit. And it's been quite hard to shake, really. It's quite hard to not exist in that mental state almost all of the time. And it is all consuming. It starts to sort of overtake the, well, the spirit and mind and the body, really. And it's insatiable.
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as well, because you know that there's a level of... It's unattainable, really. And to watch a movie like that... I know he's in another one called... Sorry, a film. To watch a film like that, he's in another one called Lady Something's Love. Lady... Lady Chatterley's Lover. It is a 2022 film. Oh, my God! There's fucking... There's fucking...
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A Netflix film. Jack O'Connell in Macquarie. Fuck me. Fuck it all. Fuck it all.
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Oh my. Y'all, it's been a long fucking time. It's been a long time since I have had this level of like, I'm thinking about him. I'm thinking about him all the time. He's in my dreams. I'm doing, you know, He's just like, it's been forever since I've had a celebrity crush that has truly been all-consuming. And it is all-consuming. I talk about him all the time. I think about him all the time.
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He is the lock screen on my phone. It's getting to a level that's not okay. It will pass. It will pass.
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Anyway, what was I fucking talking about? I was watching Back to Black. And, of course, it's about Amy Winehouse. I do love Amy. I do love Amy. And it's in Camden.
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And a lot of it sort of takes place in Camden Town. And it's very interesting to watch the pub culture. And that accent is just so, I love it.
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Red, red, red, yellow, green. You're right, guys. How the fuck's everyone doing? Oh, you guys, it's so nice to talk to you, really. I just feel like it's been a while. It's been quite a while, like a full week. Do you know what I mean? And I'm feeling a little bit like...
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And she spoke her fucking mind. And she was just, I don't know, a fucking powerhouse. I do miss Amy Winehouse.
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It's also fucked how the media treated Amy. Like, we've seen iterations, but Amy got the fucking worst of it. Like, truly, when they say Hollywood just sucks the life out of you, like, it's that where you, when you lose a sense of private intimacy...
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When you lose a sense of your own reality and narrative because this other is creating it for you, where does that leave you mentally, especially as someone struggling with addiction publicly? Not by choice, right? It's like, just what a shit, unfathomable, unfair, and just ultimately tragic thing to And I do think the movie kind of showcased that of just how debilitating that was.
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You cannot live. You cannot even have a sense of normalcy with that sort of media attention, and they just take and take and take, and they just bleed you dry until there's nothing left. I think the media killed Amy Winehouse, and I mean that. It's fucking sick. Anyway, Jack O'Connell in this movie.
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Yes. Yes. So it sort of started me down. All right, I'll talk about F1 now. I'll go back to F1. We'll sort of return. I went to F1. Formula One. Formula... Hold on. Because sometimes in a British accent, when it's two words and they both... When the first word ends in a vowel and the next word starts in a vowel, like Formula One, you would say Formula...
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Formula One. Or I guess it depends on the vowel. But I never heard them, saw them ringing. Maybe that's just, maybe that's just Liverpool. You know the song, um, there were birds on a hill. What fucking song is that? But I never saw them sing.
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Till There Was You by the Beatles. The way Paul McCartney sings this song, there's a moment in it where he does that. And I want to know what that's a phenomenon. I want to know what it's called. It's like a diphthong, maybe?
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Then there was music and wonderful roses. They tell me in sweet, fragrant meadows of dawn and dew. There was love all around, but I never heard it singing. Where the fuck is that? They tell me in two wonderful roses.
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But I never saw them winging. So that doesn't even make sense. Saw them. Saw them. Maybe that's just a Liverpool thing. Or maybe it's a Northern thing. I don't fucking know.
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I don't fucking know. I'm not a fucking scientist. He's so fucking fit. He is so fucking fit. It makes me sick.
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There was a movie, there was a film he did called... Sass Rogue Heroes. Sass Rogue Heroes, where he's in the military. I think he's in the infantry or something like that. I don't fucking know. Is there a World War II or I? I don't know. But he's in that fucking... I am partial to a man in uniform. I don't know why. It's not good for me. I know it's very sort of shithead. I don't give a shit.
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I don't know if it's Derby or if it's sort of Camden or South London or Essex maybe, but it's this sort of, if I've got to do an English accent, this is sort of what I'm going with, do you know what I mean? I just rate it. I think it sounds sort of like really, it's natural for me, do you know what I mean? It rolls off the tongue. It rolls off the proverbial tongue.
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I don't care. I can't be arsed. I can't be arsed to care. But I know he's in that film with a bunch of other sort of sexy men. They are fit.
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But he dyed his hair. It's like a golden blonde. He's gold. And I don't know, man. I don't know. It did something to me. It did something to me mentally. Okay, what else?
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When you think of cities like Rome, Paris, London, Shanghai, all of these cities are centuries old. And by that, I mean like 1200s is around the time where we started to recognize it as the city that we know it as today. You know what I mean? Especially... When you think of Rome or London as cities that were under the Roman Empire, like old as fuck. I was in London recently.
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We went into a building that had been there since 1066. That shit does not exist in America. So it's hard to compare. You know, culturally speaking, the things that determine why there is a cultural practice, like Ireland has such a deep, rich history that goes back so long. A language, you know, all these things. America doesn't really have that.
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I love it. I love it, y'all.
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And while we have distinct characteristics and features, I wouldn't say that there's one universal American culture. Correct me if I'm wrong, right? I probably am wrong. But the beautiful thing about America is it's a melting pot.
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of cultures from all over the world it's the american dream right anyone can come to america and become an american and and whatever whatever that means freedom to do x y and z but in in that you know especially with a history of slavery that is really not that far removed and and arguably you know slavery still exists in america today in the prison system whole other conversation
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This sort of context makes conversations like these around language specifically, to bring it back to language, very, very interesting to me because it was an attempt to Americanize but not fully let go of that culture. And so you're left with this cool half and half, you know, where you get capiche and regionally that's understood as the same or a similar meaning to non capisco. Non capisco.
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Non capisco. in Italy. So it's very... I love stuff like that, especially, I think, the biggest... And coolest example in my eyes is the whole city of New Orleans or just Louisiana in general. So many different countries have colonized or put their flags into the state of Louisiana. And what comes from that is such an interesting blend of culture.
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Welcome back to the Brodsky Report. This week, we are actually time traveling, okay? Because if you're watching this right now, I am in Italy. If you're listening to this right now as of the week of March 10th, I'm actually in Italy. So if you see me in Italy, mind of my business, I'm actually gonna be with my family. So we're doing a family vacation to Rome.
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When you walk down the street on Bourbon Street, that is not... While it's funny that people get drunk and It's a drinking street, the same way Sixth Street is in Austin. Bourbon is actually from the Bourbon dynasty, which was the Spanish monarch, right? Bourbon dynasty or Spanish or French dynasty. Bourbon, France.
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The House of Bourbon was a royal dynasty that ruled France, Spain, Naples, Sicily, and Parma. I'm so smart. They were one of the most important ruling dynasties in Europe. The Bourbon dynasty originated in France in the 16th century as a branch of the Capetian dynasty. The dynasty's name comes from the Bourbon region of France. The Bourbons also ruled Navarre in Spain. So when you think of this
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especially as cities and tourist destinations that we know today, this really isn't that long ago. You know what I mean? Like their rule in France ended in 1848. So when you talk about Bourbon Street, it's interesting because this is the French Bourbon dynasty, but it'll say Calle de Bourbon, Bourbon Street. It's in Spanish.
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I love that shit. History's all around you if you know where to look. History's everywhere if you just have a researcher's eye. Nuts. Yeah, I thought that was really, really interesting. Okay, so... I had some stuff that I wanted to Google with you guys because what would a Broski Report episode be without me Googling shit that I don't know?
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How do birds know when it's night-night time? How do birds know when it's time to go night-night? Like, they stop chirping and they rise with the early dawn. Now, I know that nature is wonderful and beautiful and magical and symmetrical and everything is for a purpose and everything exists in harmony and balance, right? Why do birds not chirp when time go night-night?
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Why don't birds sing at night? Bird bot. Should we hit birdbot.com? Bird forum. What time do birds go sleep and stop singing? Welcome to Bird Forum, the internet's largest birding community with thousands of members from all over the world. The forums are dedicated to wild birds, birding, binoculars, and equipment, and all that goes with it. Hell fucking yeah.
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Okay, this user writes, "'Hello, I am from Poland. "'I need to record the sound of a stream in a forest.' Since I need pure sound of falling water without birds in the background, I'd like to know, what hour do birds stop singing? I do not want to go to a forest at night, so maybe birds stop singing in the evening when it's light. Thanks in advance for your answer.
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Now, someone replied and said, it depends on the species. Duh! Right? Hey, everyone knows that. Some songbirds, especially during the breeding season, sing well into the night. Others, particularly hole nesters, generally, I'll show you a hole nester, generally stop singing long before dark. Most owls, of course, sing mainly at night. Okay, let's hit this AI overview.
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Most birds don't chirp at night because they get nervous. Most birds don't turbanite because they have performance anxiety. Okay, that makes sense. No, it's because they're primarily diurnal. What the fuck? Diurnal meaning. And how the fuck do you say that? Diurnal. Diurnal. I have diurnal about once a week. I have diurnal after I eat spicy food.
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Speaking of which, I had some of the worst stomach cramps I've ever had in my fucking life about two nights ago. I mean, I was up at 4 a.m., heating pad on my stomach, took a Tylenol. I was doing breathing exercises. I couldn't stand up straight. I've never had that happen to me in my life. And what did I eat that night? Spicy chicken.
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We're actually doing the Orient Express, which is super fun. I have never, ever, never in a million years did I think I would be on the Orient Express. So it's really fun because me and my dad love trains. Me and my dad and my brother love trains. So naturally, we're going to be doing the Orient Express into Rome or into Verona, actually.
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And when I had Googled it and I said, what the fuck's wrong with me? Why is my upper abdomen cramping? They said, well, it could be two things. One, you ate spicy food. Two, it's stomach cancer. And I said, well, time will tell. Luckily, I think I just had a diurnal. Okay. I had to go to the turtlet and have diurnal.
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And Kyle Gordon's going on tour and he's coming to LA. Yeah, you bet your fucking ass I'm going to that show. I wouldn't miss a Kyle Gordon show for the life of me. We are young. Hey, he's so fucking funny. Diurnal. Of or during the day. Diurnal. Diurnal. Why don't birds sing at night? Because they are of or during the day. Meaning they are active during the day.
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Sometimes I think back to elementary school or whenever the fuck I was in class. And when teachers were like, don't ask me, ask a friend. I get it. Because that was as simple, if I would have just kept reading one more sentence, I would have answered my own question. Instead of stopping every time I'm like, what that mean? Just spit everywhere, by the way. What dat mean? I Google it.
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And then context clues are a beautiful thing. Don't ask me, ask a friend. Before you ask me, make sure you've asked two friends. They were serious about that shit too, and I get it. Oh my God, if I was a teacher, I would shoot my kids with water guns. Sorry, that sentence started way different than you probably thought it was going somewhere. I would shoot my kids with water guns.
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If you raise your hand and ask me a stupid question, boom. Water to the face. Okay? Now sit down, use your resources, and if you really can't figure it out, ask me again. Right? It's harmless. If you stand up, okay, what does diurnal mean? Because, look it up. Ask a friend. Keep reading the sentence. You know what one of my favorite parts of history class was?
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Was getting into... And this is when I realized, okay, learning can be fun. It's the fucking tea, girl. When the royals would fight. Or like any story of revolution. When I learned about the... French Revolution, when we learned about the French Revolution, I was like, this is tea.
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Okay, why is no one talking about the fact that the French Revolution was literally fucking tea? Um, no, Queen. That's actually going to be the American Revolution because they threw tea in the harbor.
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And then we're taking a car to Rome and then we're going to, I'm going to live my Red Rising fantasy. Okay, my Greco-Roman Hellenistic futurism fantasy, okay? all in this little nugget up here. Because life is something that, stay with me, life is what you imagine it to be. Life is what I've created up here. And what I've chosen to see up here when I go to Rome, Italy, is Red Rising, okay?
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Sometimes I see a vision of my true self and she's floating somewhere up high and she is a vision of golden light. Yet she is shackled by her wrists and her ankles to this version of me. She's trying to get away and she's shackled and weighed down by iron chains of this version of me. where I'm sitting on this podcast like, okay, why was the French Revolution low-key tea?
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Nobody does selling better than Shopify, home of the number one checkout on the planet and the not so secret secret with shop pay that boosts conversions up to 50%, meaning way less carts go abandoned and way more sales on the books.
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So if you're into growing your business, your commerce platform better be ready to sell wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling, on the web, in your store, in their feed, and everywhere in between. Businesses that sell more sell on Shopify. Upgrade your business and get the same checkout Allo uses. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com slash broski, all lowercase.
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Go to Shopify.com slash broski to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com slash broski. You guys are not paying attention. If you, everyone clap three times. Okay, and if you didn't clap, do it with me now. One, two, three. Get up. Pay attention. You've been slacking off. We're learning about why birds don't sing at night. And say it with me because they are diurnal. Diurnal.
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because the Google pronunciation always says it's so fucking sensual. Diurnal. Meaning they are active during the day and sleep at night. So their singing behavior is mostly concentrated around dawn and dusk when they are most active in searching for food and mates. However, a few species are nocturnal and will vocalize at night, like owls and whippoorwills.
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No, I thought a whippoorwill was a tree. Am I? Whip or will? It's a bird.
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Eastern Whippoorwill. Whippoorwill. Now, why the fuck is it named that? Whippoorwill got its name from The Mail's Familiar Call, a three-note series that sounds like it's wailing. Whippoorwill. Oh. Global warming threatens the birds we love. Okay, this is from fucking Facebook. Okay, enough about that. I want to look up, is there a name for the English spoken by Italian immigrants? Whoa. Siculish?
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Siculish is the macaronic Sicilianization of English language terms and phrases by immigrants from Sicily to the U.S. in the early 20th century. The term Sisulish, however, is rather recent, being first recorded in 2005. Itenglis, which is also known as Englitaliano, or in the United Kingdom, Britallian, refers to multiple hybrid terms, hybrid types of language based on Italian and English.
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It's actually going to be, what's the fucking name? It's actually going to be Phobos. Phobos, that's the moon. That's the moon that What's the one they blow up? Ganymede? The duck yards of Ganymede. Where are my Red Rising bitches at? Guys, Cassius Albalona's razor master class. Razor master course, steel sharpens steel. You guys don't get Red Rising the way I do. Holy shit.
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Or brunch from breakfast and lunch. Podcast is a portmanteau, a made-up word coined from a combination of the words iPod and broadcast. No way! iPod and broadcast. Don't ever tell me you don't learn something from this podcast. Damn, is portmanteau a French word? Yes, the word portmanteau comes from the French words porter, to carry, and manteau, cloak.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
It originally referred to a suitcase with two compartments for carrying coats and other clothing. Is Netflix a portmanteau? Internet and flicks. Yes! Is ginormous a portmanteau? Yes, gigantic and enormous, ginormous. Turkey duck chicken, turducken, is cheeseburger a portmanteau? Burger can produce a word referring to seemingly any noun between two halves of a round bun.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Bacon burger, black burger, turkey burger. In fact, it's so liberated from the original word hamburger that it's also a word in its own right. Is Velcro a portmanteau? Velcro was developed as a portmanteau of the French words velours, or velvet, and crochet, or hook. Oh, this is crazy. This is absolutely crazy, man. Okay, I wonder what it's called. What is Italian English called on the East Coast?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Oh, just American Italian. While Italian English is widely used, there isn't a single universally accepted term for this dialect. The specific Italian-influenced English spoke on the East Coast can vary depending on the region, with New York and New Jersey having notable differences.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Linguists sometimes use the term ethnolect to describe a variety of English spoken by a specific ethnic group, which applies to Italian English. How cool. How capicola became gabagool, the Italian New Jersey accent explained. Mozzarella became something like mozzarella. ricotta became rigote, prosciutto became prosciutto. There's a mangling of the language in an instantly identifiable way.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
I love this. My heart just started racing. I love this shit, dude. I need to go back to school. Final syllables are deleted. Certain consonants are swapped with others. Certain vowels are mutated in certain places. Most immigrant groups in the US retain certain words and phrases from the old language, even if the modern population can't speak it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
But for people outside those groups and even often inside them, it's next to impossible to pick out a specific regional accent in the way a Jewish American says chala or a Korean American says jjigae. How can someone who doesn't speak the language possibly have a regional accent? Yet Italian-Americans do. It's even been parodied.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
On an episode of Kroll Show, comedian Nick Kroll's character, Bobby Bottleservice, a Mike-the-situation Sorrentino type, describes his lunch in this thick accent, eliminating the final syllable of each item. Capicol, he says, pointing at capicola. Mortadella, he says, as the camera pans over a thin, pale arrangement of mortadella. Coca-col, he finishes, as the camera moves over to a glass of Coke.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Capicola, made famous in its mutation by the Sopranos, gets even more mutated for comedic effect on The Office, where it becomes Gabagool.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Okay, that is sort of my mindset going into my Italy trip. Of course, yes, I'm going to soak up all of the history. However, it's a bit tainted right now because a lot of my past year has been consumed by genuinely, and I don't mean this is like, are you on TikTok? I've been thinking about the Roman Empire a lot. I watch a lot of National Geographic YouTube specials on the Roman Empire.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
I spoke to a few, okay, this is also from atlasobscura.com, which I fucking love Atlas Obscura. If you ever are visiting a new city and you want something weird or fun or silly to do, go to atlasobscura.com. They'll give you the recommendations for like the best museums. I just realized how fast I'm speaking.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
and how speaking any language is a feat of... Sorry, I'm like having an existential moment right now, if you guys don't mind. Like language and how fucking different language is anywhere you go. And you wanna know something I learned in my sociology class way, way back when? I took it in a college summer course in like 2017.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
One shared commonality amongst every single culture on this planet is not what you would think it is, which is language or sayings or phrases or metaphors. It's not that. It is funeral rites. In every single culture, we have a practice for how we honor the dead. Isn't that beautiful? Okay, going back. Yeah, dude, this shit makes me like, I'm like up here looking down.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Damn, the liquid IV is talking to me. Hold on, it's whispering to me. Hold on, I'm getting messages from the gods. One second. Okay, I'll tell them. I think that humans are divine creatures and at the same time, very of the earth. My heart's beating 175 beats per second.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
I think that humans are so intriguing and it makes it even more sad and barbaric that we are so violent towards each other, that we have so much hate in our hearts for each other. When we serve a higher, not serve, but we are destined for a higher purpose of like achievement and progress. Like, the bounds of what the human mind can create, we won't know because we're too busy being racist. Anyway.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
I spoke to a few linguists and experts on Italian-American culture, anyway, gabagool, to figure out why a kid from Patterson, New Jersey, who doesn't speak Italian, would earnestly ask for a taste of mozzarella. The answer takes us way back through history and deep into the completely chaotic world of Italian linguistics.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
One thing that I need to tell you, because this is something that is not clear even for linguists, let alone the layperson, the linguistic situation in Italy is quite complicated, says Maria Paola D'Imperio, a professor in the linguistics department at Aix-Marcel University, who was born in Naples and studied in Ohio before moving to France. Crazy.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
The situation is so complicated that the terms used to describe pockets of language are not widely agreed upon. Some use language, some use dialect, some use accent, and some use variation. Linguists like to argue about the terminology of this kind of thing. The basic story is this.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Italy is a very young country made up of many very old kingdoms, awkwardly stapled together to make a patchwork whole. Before 1861, these different kingdoms, Sardinia, Rome, Tuscany, Venice, Sicily, they were called different things at the time, but roughly correspond to those regions now. Those were basically different countries.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Its citizens didn't speak the same language, didn't identify as countrymen, sometimes were even at war with each other. The country was unified over the period from around 1861 until World War I, and during that period, the wealthier northern parts of the newly constructed Italy imposed unfair taxes and basically annexed the poorer southern parts.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
As a result, southern Italians, ranging from just south of Rome all the way down to Sicily, fled in huge numbers to other countries, including the United States. About 80% of Italian Americans are of southern Italian descent. That's crazy! About 80% of Italian-Americans are of Southern Italian descent, says Fred Gardafi, a professor of Italian-American studies at Queens College.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Ships from Palermo went to New Orleans, and the ships from Genoa and Naples went to New York. They spread from there, but the richest pockets of Italian-Americans aren't far from New York City. They're clustered in New York City, Long Island, New Jersey, Rhode Island, Connecticut, and in and around Philadelphia.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Yet those Italians, all from southern Italy and all recent immigrants in close proximity to each other in the U.S., wouldn't necessarily consider themselves countrymen. That's because each of the old Italian kingdoms had their own, well, d'imperio, who is Italian, calls them dialects. But others refer to them in different ways.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Basically, the old Italian kingdoms each spoke their own languages that largely came from the same family tree. Slightly, but not all that much closer than the Romance languages. French, Spanish, Portuguese. The general family name for these languages is Italo-Dalmatian. Dalmatian. It's probably not Dalmatian. Dalmatian, it turns out, refers to Croatia. The dog is from there too.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Not even the Roman Empire. I watched one last night about the fall of... ancient empires. So we discussed the Persian Empire. We discussed Egypt. We discussed how there was at one point in history, Egyptian and Greek cultures kind of lived simultaneously. And while I say simultaneously, I don't necessarily mean peacefully, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
They were not all mutually comprehensible and had their own external influences. Calabrian, for example, is heavily influenced by Greek. I love this shit! Just yelled so loud, it bounced off the metal in here. And it was like this shing after I did that. Damn. Studying sociolinguistics off the liquid IV pineapple yuzu energy drink.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
When you start tweaking so bad, you start studying sociolinguistics? Like? Calabrian, for example, is heavily influenced by Greek, thanks to a long Greek occupation and interchange. In the Northwest, near the border with France, Piedmont, with its capital of Turin, spoke a language called Piedmontese, which is sort of French-ish.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Sicilian, very close to North Africa, had a lot of Arabic qualities to it. I use the past tense for these because these languages are dying quickly. Dialects do still exist, but they're spoken mainly by old people, says D'Imperio. Sicilian put up more of a fight than most.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
During unification, the northern Italian powers decided that having a country that speaks about a dozen different languages would pose a bit of a challenge to their efforts, so they picked one and called it Standard Italian and made everyone learn it. The one that they picked was Tuscan, and they probably picked it because it was the language of Dante, the most famous Italian writer.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
You can see why calling these languages dialects is tricky. Standard Italian is just one more dialect, not the base language, which Calabrian or Piedmontese riffs on, which is kind of the implication. That is nuts! Yeah, it really is that. I mean, English is English because some king was like, and now everybody's going to speak English. But I don't give a fuck. Okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
And now, as of right now, everyone speaks English because that's what I speak. And everyone was like, fine. Well, actually, they weren't like, oh, fine. It's either succumb or die. So. Standard Italian has variations like any other language, which we'll call accents. Someone from Sicily would have a Sicilian accent.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
But when speaking standard Italian, a person from Milan will hopefully be able to understand them because at a basic level, they'll be using a language with the same structure and a vocab that is mostly identical. Yeah, we know that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
But this gets weird because most Italian Americans can trace their immigrant ancestors back to that time between 1861 and World War I, when the vast majority of Italians, such as Italy even existed at the time, wouldn't have spoken the same language at all. And hardly any of them would be speaking the Northern Italian dialect that would eventually become standard Italian.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Linguists say that there are two trajectories for a language divorced from its place of origin. I need to... Linguistics studies near me. If I enroll myself in University of California, Long Beach to study linguistics and I can't do the podcast for like six months, you guys gonna be mad at me? My semester starts soon. Okay? I can't keep up the podcast and study sociolinguistics.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
I'm gonna look into that. Do people even give a fuck about an associate's degree anymore? If I get an associate's degree in linguistics... I think it's also, there are so many different ways you can study linguistics of like, obviously you can just learn a new language, which I remember this and I was like, what the fuck?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
When I was in college, one of my Spanish professors, who was a white dude from Ohio, spoke five languages. And he was, while he was teaching our Spanish phonetics class, he himself was studying. It was so cute. He'd be like, okay, guys, I'm not having office hours today. So just email me if you need them because I have to run to my Romanian class.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Again, I need a linguist in the corner and I need a historian in the corner to be like, ah, you're lying. And then I'll be like, and then I'll sit here in silence and I'll listen to him talk and then I'll just regurgitate what he said. One of these days, I'm going to do that. I'm going to be like, welcome to my home, sit in the corner, and I'm just going to talk.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
That's how I feel, but I need to speak to like a college professor. I need to speak to a professor. I need to speak to a professor. I can't do office hours. I'm running late to my Romanian class. He was probably like 56. I love that. That's going to make me cry. Never stop learning. There is so, this life is so rich and fucking cool. There's so many cool things to do. We're on TikTok all day.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
I grew up speaking English and Italian dialects from my family's region of Puglia, says Gardaff. And when I went to Italy, very few people could understand me. So she grew up speaking English and Italian dialects from Puglia. Even the people in my parents' region, they recognized that I was speaking as if I was a 70-year-old man when I was only 26 years old.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Italian American Italian is not at all like standard Italian. Instead, it's a construction of the frozen shards left over from languages that don't even really exist in Italy anymore, with minimal intervention from modern Italian. That is crazy! Y'all don't even give a fuck how crazy that is! You know what?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
To sort of contextualize this sort of phenomenon in America, the Southern dialects are dying. Southern dialects are a direct – you can trace them back to the English settlers who came once the colonies were set up. And there is a very clear connection between the sort of high society British receive pronunciation to when you get down to the South, it's a little complicated.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
similar in terms of vowels and the lilt to it. It's a very clear... I'm about to say this word, but I don't mean it. De-evolution of the English language. Okay, I don't mean that in a negative sense, but more so just like this change. It was morphed and molded into something way different because of a similar thing like this, where all these different people from...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
And if you find any incorrect information or I misspeak maybe, then just go ahead and jump in and correct me. If anyone knows any historians, send them my way because I'd like to employ them for a day on one of these podcast episodes.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
different backgrounds and if you've been in America for longer at the time and you're hearing that all day you'll lose your accent I mean it happens to everyone but there used to be this guy I followed on TikTok and I wish I could remember his name where he was from Mississippi and he was probably 24 and he was raised by his grandparents and so when you think about that his grandparents were probably in their late 70s early 80s and that means they were born in the 40s uh
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
And grew up in the 50s, 60s, and maybe even early 70s. Now, when you think about the deep South in America... An accent like that, surely you would think is preserved, and there are still those small towns where everyone sounds like that. And it is true to a certain extent, but it's definitely dying out with our grandparents' generation.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
And it kind of makes me sad, but at the same time, there are so many fucking horrific worldviews that come with that accent. It's just like, okay. But he was saying that his accent and his grandparents' accents are classified as an endangered regional dialect. And it is... in like historical, he did some work with some historical society in Mississippi.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
I believe it was Mississippi where he went in and like recorded some of just him speaking or reading certain lines. And it's to preserve that dialect, which is so fun and cool that we have that technology now. Because imagine, I mean, when you get those videos on TikTok or YouTube or whatever of like, this is what so-and-so sounded like and, 1891.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
I love that shit and it's so rare and I don't know if it's, you know, to be trusted or not. I digress. But the fact that we have the forethought to do that now of like, we recognize that First of all, small town America is dying. Everything is becoming big. And with the introduction of things like, you know, Amazon and all these things, the reliance on a community or a small town is dying.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
It's going away. And there are two sides of that, you know, where we're more connected than we've ever been. And the other side of that is we do not rely on community at all. I mean, not even closely to the way that my grandparents did when they were growing up. So I've talked about that on this podcast before of like, you know, I don't know my neighbors, shit like that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Anyway, I thought it would be fun to sort of deep dive into some, I'm going to practice some Italian sayings and phrases because recently, as we all know, I had this little stint where I said I was going to learn French. Okay, now ask me if I've gotten anywhere on there. No, I have not made any progress on my French. So, oh, I forgot to tell you what I'm sipping on today.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Anyway, that accent, the fact that even in America, one of the youngest countries, we have accents that are dying out is just very, it makes me sad, right? But at the same time, As those die out, new accents are evolving. And while it sounds funny, it's very real that this influencer accent is a real thing. And it's very closely tied to, you know, the Valley Girl accent, whatever.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Just this sort of West Coast thing. This West Coast development of... the regional dialect but yeah i've seen some people on youtube be like what is the influencer accent and uh like let's study it in an academic setting so how how things are always happening things people always happening Now, how the fuck did I get on this when I was Googling, why don't birds sing at night?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Like, are you serious? Okay, I'm going to pause and we'll come back next week and I'm going to finish my Google searches. But in the meantime, I wanted to update y'all on, I started a new book that is, me and Drew are book clubbing. Thank you. Thank you. We're book clubbing this fucking Viking smut book.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Yeah, dude. It's called from fucking ash and until the dawn. This episode is sponsored by Rocket Money. You sign up for something, you forget about it after the trial period ends, then you're charged month after month after month. The subscriptions are there, but you're not using them. In fact, I just learned. that 85% of people have at least one paid subscription going unused each month.
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87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
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87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
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87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
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87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
It's called A Fate Inked in Blood by Danielle L. Jensen. It's a Viking book and it's not so, dude. Sometimes I get like bogged down by how much I don't know. Anyone else feel that way? Like I'm reading this book and she's talking about all these Norse gods. And I did not know that Baldur, as in Baldur's Gate 3, was a god. And it's making complete sense now that I'm thinking about it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Baldur was a god. We know the ones like Odin and Thor and Tyr and Hlynne and all these ones. Like I've heard those before. And is the majority of it through Marvel movies? Yeah, it is. Okay, I don't give a fuck. Or is it through God of War soundtrack? Yeah, it is. Ragnarok.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Anyway, it's shit like that where I know about it from references in pop culture, but it's this phenomenon where I only know about it through that. I'm not familiar with the original legend or tale or lore or mythology of the Norse mythology. It's more so I know only... about it through pop culture references to it. You get me? You get where I'm going?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Here in my water, in my water bottle, in my water, is what I can only assume to be expired liquid IV that was in my pantry because I ran out of Red Bull. I ran out of Red Bull and I leave today for my trip. So I'm not going to go buy a bunch of groceries because that is wasteful.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
So, reading this book, which is clearly a fantasy book, it's, you know, fiction, very interesting. And I was intrigued in the same way by, when I read Red Rising, He had a super intense understanding, like an academic understanding, as you should, of all these Roman historical figures and military leaders and whatever, and all the gods as well.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
It was very clear that he did his research in terms of how the planets are named, like how the Roman-esque society was structured, whatever. It's very clear in this one too. And again, maybe I'm speaking out of my ass because I don't know jack shit about Norse mythology, but I'm loving it. I'm loving it so far. It's definitely giving like,
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
I'm just a girl and I have this power and I need a man to help me realize the full extent of my power. Like it's that, you know? So it's a delicate balance now when I approach a fantasy book because I've read so fucking many where it's like, I want that Aelin Galathineus, Throne of Glass, like her and Rowan Whitethorn, their balance, I've never read anything like it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
And you would think that, you know, Rhysand and Feyre from Akatar is that. No, it's a bit different because Aelin and Rowan, Rowan never, ever tried to impede or step on Aelin's freedom. Aelin made decisions for herself. Rowan respected all of those decisions. And it was never this like, you're a woman and I'm the man and I know you can do it, but I'm still going to protect you, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Even if it's not what you wanted. Like, and that's the Tamlin of it all, okay? Fuck all that. I fucking hate that dynamic. The dynamic between Aelin and Rowan, to me, is the perfect, like, it's how a relationship should be, man. It's how a relationship should be. So reading these fantasy books is fun, but I'm already kind of calling out, like, the guy is kind of older than her.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
she's the novice where like, I was just thrown into this and I have this power and these people have a use for my power. And he's the son of some like, you know, evil king, but he's good, but he's not that good. It's okay. Fine. Like, of course I'm going to finish it to the end and eat up every fucking page. Yeah. I'm going to read it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
But in terms of dynamic, I just, Throne of Glass, that Throne, the Throne of Glass series is a series that just, Stuck with me. And on that note, I need to read Game of Thrones, okay? Stanley's been up my fucking hole about reading Game of Thrones because it's like the book. It's the book. It's the fantasy series. So it's on my list. It's just like taking that on. It's so many fucking books.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
And who am I? Throne of Glass was eight books. So it's not like I can't do it. It's not like I'm not interested. And it's also, you know, with Game of Thrones, you already have a jumping off point because of the show. Like, I already have faces to, you know what I mean? It's on my infinitely to read list. Oh, my God. I read 30 books last year. How crazy is that? I read 30 books.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
That's the influencer accent.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Keep your eyes peeled. Y'all don't even, hold on. Can I just like, let me brief you guys for a second. There are a few things happening later this month, and I mean in the next two weeks, that are going to, you are going to freak the fuck out in terms of what Broski Productions is pushing out into the universe, okay? You've been warned. Know that. That's all I'm gonna say on that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
So I had to go to my last resort. I had this capsule. I have a capsule in my pantry of emergency things if I have no food in the house. And guess what's in there? canned tuna, because I usually always have gochujang and mayonnaise in the fridge, so I will make a spicy tuna with seaweed. That's a classic lunch in the Broski household. I always have tuna. I always have butter beans.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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If you want podcast merch, go to broski.shop. And I'll leave you with that. And I will see you next week. Okay. Loving y'all. Be good. Be safe. Bye.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Great source of protein, okay? You just chop up some pepperoncinis. This is a recipe I got from Alyssa's Magic. Shout out. It's butter beans. It's pepperoncinis. or banana peppers, if you will, and a little bit of apple cider vinegar and olive oil and salt. And that's literally it. And you mix it all up, bean salad, fucking yum.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
And I keep liquid IV packets in my pantry at all times because sometimes I'm just super dehydrated. You know what I mean? I also, look, if we're talking like friends, I did a brand deal with them a while ago. They sent me a bunch of product. I'm still working through it. You know what I mean? So that is actually what's going to be in here. is their version of an energy drink, liquid IV.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
And I Googled it. Each one, each packet is 100 milligrams of caffeine. In a Red Bull, it's about 110, 120 milligrams of caffeine in the sort of 12 ounce ones. And this is my second one. Because I'm just, I'm telling y'all, I have fuckered my system. We're fuckered. I tried out this new place recently. It's not new. It's new to me. Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. That's like an LA staple.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Everyone knows about that place. I never go. I've never been. I went yesterday. I said, give me three shots of espresso with a little bit of hazelnut in it and a little bit of oat milk. And he said, sure. That shit had me jacked up. I was, I should clean my toilets. I should scrub the walls. I vacuumed every corner of my room. And, well, the reason I did that. Do you guys even give a fuck?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
I'm serious. Who gives a fuck? Who gives a fuck? Holy shit. Last night, I got my fucking vacuum because there was a big-ass spider in my bathroom. And I am the man of the house. I am the patriarch, okay? You're looking at the face. You're looking at the patriarch of the household. And that's just how it is. That's just how I've designed it to be. So yeah, I turned around. And I was also naked.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
I was naked, about to hop in the shower. Big-ass brown recluse. Naked, ran through my house, grabbed the vacuum, sucked him up. There is a graveyard of scary big spiders in my vacuum bag because... I don't want to kill it, and I don't want to smush it, because what if it's pregnant? Do spider have puss-puss? Can spider get preganart? Y'all remember those Reddit searches?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Or those, those, no, what was that, Quora? You guys don't get me. Okay, what the fuck was I about to Google, dude? Seriously?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Oh, you know what? Actually, I've been practicing this. I've been practicing this for when I'm in Italy. Ready?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
What the fuck? Anyway. Sweating under my boobs challenge.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Jesus Christ. Off the liquid IV energy pack, geeking. I had two liquid IV energy packs and now I'm geeking. Okay, here is the extent of my knowledge of Italian phrases. Ready? Buongiorno. Buongiorno. Buonasera. Arrivederci. Do they do the R-roll in Spanish? Arrivederci. Arrivederci. Arrivederci. Arrivederci. Ciao. Ciao, Ella. Per favore. Mi dispiace. How do you say, I don't understand?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Non incuso. Non... How to say, I don't understand in Italiano. Non capisco. Oh, capiche? What the fuck is capiche? Capiche? No capiche.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Capiche is an informal pseudo-Italian slang term used to ask if someone understands. It can also be used as a threat. how it's used. You must use this knowledge for good, not evil. Never for personal gain. Capisce? I'm not in the mafia. Never was. Capisce? That's, I get it. What do you think, this is a stupid question, because here's my frame of reference, right?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Actually, a lot of you young women in the comments could answer this. Also, by the way, young woman is fully encompassing, okay? As long as you're not a straight man, you're a young woman. You have the soft and gentle nature of what a young woman represents, okay? So do you know how, like, Quebecois, right? Quebec is a province in Canada. They grow up speaking French as their first language.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Correct me if I'm wrong. French and English are both, I guess, the national language. Let's Google it instead of just talking out of my house. Official language of... French. French is the official language of Quebec. Only French has that status. French is the only common language of the Quebec nation and constitutes one of the foundations of its identity and distinct culture.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Now, is that because Quebec was a French colony? Was Quebec colonized by France? Yes, Quebec was colonized by France as part of New France. France claimed the area in 1535, and it remained a French colony until 1763. Then it became a British colony known as the Province of Quebec.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Now, that makes total sense because Canada and Australia, and maybe New Zealand, are part of the British Commonwealth, okay? And was Australia a prison colony? Yes. And was Canada? No. So Quebec, they grew up speaking French. When a person from Quebec goes to France, and this is what people have told me, okay? And they speak Quebecois French, which is essentially like a, I mean, it's a dialect.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
It's a form of French. right, the way that British English is different from American English is different from Australian English, you understand. When a Quebecois person goes to France and they speak French, the French person will respond in English because it's almost like this redneck version of French to them, that it's not a purist.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
So if you're not going to speak pure, I will speak back to you in English. That is what my Canadian friends have told me. And first of all, fucked up, right? Second of all, third of all, I am trying to relate this to whatever that, and I'm sure there's a term for it. I'll Google it. That generation of Italian immigrants that came to New York, Jersey, wherever, through the ports.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
What's the famous one in New York? Ellis Island. Ellis Island in New York was the main immigration port for Italians and other immigrants there. from Europe from 1892 to 1924. That's what I'm talking about. That generation of Italian Americans, a very interesting form of English and Italian came from that group, that specific region and that specific time period.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
And I want to know, is there a word for that language, the way that Quebecois is used to refer to French spoken in Quebec? I want to know the Italian that was spoken in those early days of trying to acclimate to American culture and culture. With that and with any immigration to America comes this kind of, and I'm speaking historically, loss of culture, right? Like you abandon it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
I won't call it whitewashing. I'm going to call it like Americanizing. The Americanization of immigrants during this time period. It was almost an intentional, firsthand thing to not be... You know what I mean? And the time has changed now where, of course, culture is embraced. Or at least we're moving towards that, where it's cool to have a culture.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
Because what we're realizing is America is void of culture. And what I mean by that is... a distinct, well, actually, hold on, let's talk about this. There are aspects of American culture that are distinctly American, right? When you go to Europe, when you go to Asia, when you go anywhere and you ask a local, what do you think about Americans? Like, what is a standout quality of Americans?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
87: Gabagool & the French Revolution
A lot of them will say they're very friendly, they smile a lot, and they're loud. okay, there are worse qualities generally that Americans could be described as, and they are described as them, racist, fat, right? All those things where those are reflective of We are such a young country, truly, like in the grand scheme of things. We are such a young country.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
But it was like me and the professor locked in because he would teach them that I'd be like, well, obviously I have a question. Hey, obviously that doesn't make sense. What are you fucking talking about? Because, and I would sit there and like reason with him and not argue, but like discuss. And at one point he literally goes, I don't know. Okay. Sorry. I said, well, how can that be true?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
If he said, I don't know. I didn't, I didn't know you weren't doing questions right now. I'm so sorry about that. This poor guy, a community college professor, he goes, can I just get through the fucking lesson? I don't know. My fault. Continue. Anyway, most struggles between humans, homo sapiens, if you will, has been for power. And even when you reduce it down to like,
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
economics or religion or goods and services, whatever. It comes down to power. Who holds the power? And I remember in AP Environmental Science, my senior year of high school, was when I learned about the tragedy of the commons. right? That in nature, all things are balanced.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
There is a natural homeostasis balance to the animal kingdom, to the food chain, that when there is shared resources amongst a community, everyone only takes what they need. And Native American culture is this way. A lot of pagan cultures were this way, where you only take what you need out of preservation for your community. because it's a very community-focused and community-based environment.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
Well, introducing ideas like this, where I will own the land, the resources, the people, the rights, the this, the that, the other, that introduces this new mindset of me, myself, and I, selfish. And so when I learned about the tragedy of the commons, I was like, That's so fucking true. That is so true, dude.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
And we see it, right, at the beginning of COVID when everyone bought up all the toilet paper and they were selling it for $50. What are we talking about? It's no respect for your fellow man. And then it spirals into, you know, the British Empire. So, going back to Valentine's Day. Okay. Okay.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
It's February and love is in the air all month long. Don't wait around for it to fall in your lap when you've got Tinder's first impression feature. You can now send a message before you even match, whether it's calling out their taste in music, hyping up their adventure pick, or dropping a funny line they won't forget. It's low pressure and an easy way to put yourself out there.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
you and valentine's day bitch it's valentine's day i no one really gives a fuck we don't really give a fuck that's how i feel i think oh god let me rant for a second oh god Oh, God. I know I come on this podcast, and I just hate men, okay? Not all men. Yeah, pretty much all men, okay? I think that Valentine's Day, speaking from a personal experience, speaking from a personal experience,
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
This is your month to make romance happen, and there's no better place than Tinder for all the possibilities. Whether it's meeting someone new or finding someone to share late-night memes with, Tinder makes it easier than ever. Explore all the possibilities for yourself on Tinder. It starts with a swipe. Download Tinder today. So this Valentine's Day developed during the Victorian era.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
Did not know that. The history of Valentine's Day and the story of its patron saint, St. Valentine, is shrouded in mystery. We do know that February has long been celebrated as a month of romance and that St. Valentine's Day, as we know it today, contains vestiges of both Christian and ancient Roman tradition.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
The Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred. One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men. What?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. Oh, my God. When Valentine's actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death. Still, others insist that it was St. Valentine of Turney, a bishop who was the true namesake of the holiday. He, too, was beheaded by Claudius II outside Rome.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
And fuck Claudius II! Did y'all see my TikTok? I did a little book haul. Oh my God, I got this book called God's Bankers inside the finances of the Vatican and the Catholic Church. Oh my God! Oh, my God. Hey, I'll let y'all know about that as soon as I start it. Damn, I was walking through... There's this crazy bookstore by my house. And I was like, let me pop in here. All used books. Shout out.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
Love that. And I also love that because you go through and you find bookmarks and photos and tickets and underlined sections and annotations. And it's just a magical experience. I can't really put into words anything. other than like what that experience instills in me, other than it makes me zoom out. You know, we are so navel-gazing and we're so focused on ourselves a lot of the time.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
And it goes back to what I was just talking about of we are not a community-based organization. people anymore. It's me, myself, and I. And that is so isolating and lonely. I don't know any of my neighbors. I don't know any of my neighbors. And that makes me sad. But why? Why is that the case? Why do I feel like I'm always on edge or I should be, you know, head on a swivel and whatever.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
Well, I live in Los Angeles. That's probably why. Objectively dangerous place. But at the same time, my neighbors aren't dangerous people unless they have freezers full of human body parts. But how am I supposed to know that? You know what I mean? And so, yeah, I think that I love used bookstores for that reason. Because you can go in and the way that someone annotates a book or uses a book or...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
The state that it's found in, you know, was this ever even read? You can tell. So I think that all of that is part of the experience of going to a bookstore. I was getting some of these books for $5. Hell fucking yeah. Because you go to Barnes & Noble or Books A Million or any of these stores and you get books for $30. $30 for one book. That's a lot of fucking money.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
And I understand if it's a new release, if it's your favorite authors, you know, the third installment of the trilogy of the House of Blood, and I get it. But $30? I was at this bookstore, I was boom, boom, boom. I walked out with eight books. I spent 50 bucks total. That's what I'm fucking talking about!
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
Okay, so... Really cute. But in this God's Bankers books, there's no annotations. And I was like, okay, okay. But in my copy, I got a copy of Clockwork Orange, a Clockwork Orange. It's annotated down. And I was like, yes, very excited about that. Also, some of y'all have told me that Clockwork Orange has its own language that I need to, it's like simlish that I need to kind of lock into.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
And so I found on google.com, I found a glossary of all the sort of translated words and terms from A Clockwork Orange. And, you know, I love reading old books like this, and it sucks doing it outside the confines of an academic environment because I'm kind of left to my own devices, which is both good and bad, right? Because I can take...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
my own takeaways or my own interpretations of what I find the text to mean, how it impacts me as an individual. But at the same time, I wish that there was this added level of like, I have to write an essay about it or I have to connect dot A to dot D, you know, like using my brain in that sort of way. And having it be graded, I do miss that aspect of it where that's a missing chunk.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
When I read a book as important as A Clockwork Orange or East of Eden or Animal Farm or Brave New World, Heart of Darkness, any of these books, it's like, I wish that... There was, like all things in life, I wish there was an instructor I could ask questions to. And I wish there was someone to grade my work. Maybe I want to go back to school.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
Maybe that's what I just kind of admitted to myself there. That's cool. But you know what I mean? Where, sure, you can sit with a book and read it. You can read A Clockwork Orange on the train, but that doesn't mean you are getting from it what you should or what was intended or, you know, you might be missing the most important part.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
I think for me, I'd like to think that I have the wherewithal to read a book like that and be like, this is the meaning, you know? But even an animal farm, if I didn't have the background of this was loosely based on the Russian Revolution, then... you know, I would have been like, damn, that's a crazy book about fascism. Crazy book. Like, I still would have gotten it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
But the specific sort of, you know, this was Trotsky, this was whoever, that stuff is important to me for a contextual, complete, 100% understanding of the book that I'm reading. And I feel like I don't. I know there's actually probably study guides. And I used to use Cliff's Notes. Wait, you want to know something really cute?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
historically has been just so upsetting, right? My first ever boyfriend that I had, I had to beg him, beg him to get me flowers. And he came to pick me up. He was going to take me to a nice dinner. I got all dolled up. I spent probably three hours in that glam chair, the glam chair being my college dorm. I spent so long getting dressed. I do my makeup and I got him something.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
I have my mom's Cliff Notes pamphlets from the 80s and the 90s when she was in high school and college that are printed versions of what... I mean, I used to use Cliff's Notes in high school, the website, where it would take... Taming of the Shrew, or like the hard-ass Shakespeare to read.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
And it would break it down into synopsis by chapter, characters, important characters, their lore, what page X was on, important quotations, all that stuff. To the point, almost, they make it too easy where you don't even have to read the fucking play. You don't have to read the book. That's not the goal for me. I would like some supplemental reading material that is peer-reviewed
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
and approved to use as a study guide so i think i might do that for clockwork orange if y'all that's such a specific request if you guys have a study guide for clockwork orange send it to me okay or or put it in the comments under this youtube video let me know okay anyway valentine's What the hell? Oh, I was talking about God's Bankers. Yeah, I'm very excited to read that book.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
God's Bankers provides an exhaustive history of financial machinations at the center of the church in Rome. From the final decades of the 19th century down to Pope Francis' sincere but as yet inconclusive efforts to reform the church's labyrinthine bureaucracy. From there, Posner weaves an extraordinarily intricate tale of intrigue, corruption, and organized criminality.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
The cumulative effect of Posner's detective work is an acute sensation of disgust, along with a mix of admiration for and skepticism about Pope Francis's efforts to reform the Vatican Bank and its curial enablers. Crazy. Okay. Valentine's Day. Fuck! Fuck! Okay, so our St. Valentines were beheaded by Claudius II. Okay.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
Other stories suggest that Valentine may have been killed for attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prisons, where they were often beaten and tortured. According to one legend, an imprisoned Valentine actually sent the first Valentine greeting himself after he fell in love with a young girl, possibly his jailer's daughter, who visited him during his confinement.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a letter signed, From Your Valentine, an expression that is still in use today. Oh my God, that's so sad. Although the truth behind the Valentine legends is murky, the stories all emphasize his appeal as a sympathetic, heroic, and most importantly, romantic figure.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
By the Middle Ages, perhaps thanks to his reputation, Valentine would become one of the most popular saints in England and France. Some claim that the Christian church may have decided to place... It's always fucking religion. It is always religion. Others claim that the Christian church may have decided to place St.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
Valentine's Feast Day in the middle of February in an effort to Christianize the pagan celebration of Lupercalia. Am I saying that right? Lupercalia. Celebrated at the Ides of February or February 15th, Lupercalia was a fertility festival dedicated to Faunus, the Roman god of agriculture, as well as to the Roman founders Romulus and Remus.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
To begin the festival, members of the Luperci, an order of Roman priests, would gather at a sacred cave where the infants Romulus and Remus, the founders of Rome, were believed to have been cared for by a she-wolf or lupa. They were cared for by Shakira, she-wolf, and by lupa, a wolverine, a werewolf. The priests would sacrifice a goat for fertility and a dog for purification. No.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
What? Far from being fearful, Roman women welcomed the touch of the hides because it was believed to make them more fertile in the coming year. Later in the day, according to legend, all the young women in the city would place their names in a big urn. The city's bachelors would each choose a name and become paired for the year with his chosen woman. These matches often ended in marriage.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
And I was like, all I ask of you is just get me fucking flowers. This motherfucker, this motherfucker thought it would be funny. I'm getting mad all over again. This motherfucker thought it would be funny to get me one plush flower. And so I hop in his truck.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
What the fuck? Is romance in marriage? A new concept? I understand that marriage for the longest time was a almost political or financial union between families, right? Like the bride's father would pay the groom a dowry and the wife would now take the groom's name and become a part of... You know what I mean? Like it was a flow of... power and exchange of money for a union.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
When was romance introduced? Humans are very romantic beings. So why, when did people start marrying for love? What the fuck? This is crazy. Sometimes you look up the history of shit like this and you're like, I didn't want to know that. I'd be fine if it was just like Snoopy, Candy Graham. If it was just like Snoopy and Woodstock holding a valentine like, love you.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
That's a lot more palatable than slapping women with goat hides. What are we talking about? Lupercalia survived the initial rise of Christianity, but was outlawed as it was deemed unchristian at the end of the fifth century when Pope Galatius declared February 14, St. Valentine's Day. Damn, we've had Valentine's Day since 400 BC, 400 AD. And did I think that AD meant after death? Yeah.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
And BC means before Christ. It was not until much later, however, that the day became definitively associated with love. During the Middle Ages, it was commonly believed in France and England that February 14 was the beginning of birds mating season, which added to the idea that the middle of Valentine's Day should be a day for romance.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
The English poet Geoffrey Chaucer was the first to record St. Valentine's Day as a day of romantic celebration in his 1375 poem, Parliament of Fowls, writing, "'For this was sent on St. Valentine's Day, when every fowl cometh there to choose his mate.'" 1375. That is nutso to me.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
Valentine greetings were popular as far back as the Middle Ages, though written valentines didn't begin to appear until after 1400. Well, that makes sense because the populace was illiterate. The oldest known Valentine still in existence today was a poem written in 1415 by Charles, Duke of Orleans, to his wife while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
Now, let me tell you something about the Tower of London. One of the most haunted fucking places in the world, probably. Some horrid, abhorrent, evil shit has gone down in the Tower of London. The greeting is now part of the manuscript collection of the British Library in London, England.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
Several years later, it is believed that King Henry V hired a writer named John Lydgate to compose a Valentine note to Catherine of Eloise. Don't give a fuck. Okay, this is nuts. I had no idea that... It's been celebrated that long. Okay, let's talk about modern-day Valentines. In addition to the United States, Valentine's Day is celebrated in Canada, Mexico, the UK, France, and Australia.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
In Great Britain, Valentine's Day began to be popularly celebrated around the 17th century. By the end of the 18th century, it was common for friends and lovers of all social classes to exchange small tokens of affection or handwritten notes. And by 1900, printed cards began to replace written letters due to improvements in printing technology.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
Ready-made cards were an easy way for people to express their emotions in a time when direct expression of one's feelings was discouraged. Oh my God. Cheaper postage rates also contributed to an increase in the popularity of sending Valentine's Day greetings. Americans probably began exchanging handmade Valentines in the early 1700s.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
because y'all forget I'm from Texas, I hop in his truck, derogatory, because some pickup trucks, Trumps, Trump, President Trump, if you can hear us, I get in his pickup truck, and in the passenger seat is a plush flower. And he goes, so I never have to buy you ones ever again.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
Today, according to Hallmark, an estimated 145 million Valentine's Day cards are sent each year, making Valentine's Day the second largest card-sending holiday of the year. More cards are sent at Christmas. Fuck you and Valentine's Day. Ah, yes, learning that... A beloved holiday is rooted in suffering. Most are. Most are. Okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
So when you're celebrating Valentine's Day this year, make sure to get your significant other a plush flower so you never have to buy them one ever again. Make sure that you buy them a Hallmark card. Okay? Let's get some more plastic out there in the world. Let's get some more... Some more paper with plastic embellishments on it. Okay, let's send that off. Definitely don't hand make anything.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
Definitely don't, you know, pick flowers from your yard or your garden. Don't do that. Okay, let's get some more microplastics out in the environment.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. , , , , , ,, in the. P P P P P P P實 , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a . . . .
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
Fuck you and Valentine's Day, bitch! Men are so... You're... Hey, babe, you're missing the point. You're missing the point. Also, it's not like... You know what I mean? Like, I'm so sick of just accepting... Or a lot of the older women in my family being like, that's just men. They just don't get it. They don't get it. No, they get it. They just don't want to fucking do it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
No, they understand very clearly. They just don't want to do it because they don't give a fuck about you. They don't give a fuck. Plush flower. It was one of those plush flowers that's like wire inside, bendable. So I never have to buy you flowers ever again. Ah, okay. Ah, yes. Thank you.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
.. a, P. P. P. P. P. P. P,實 , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , a Laboratory a
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
She loves a coffee fragrance. And I know she also likes that one by Penhaligon's called Helfeti. And I was in the airport the other day and where was I? Oh, I was in Paris. And I was in the, you know, they always have those perfume shops. I was like, let me go in here and see what's going on. They had a Penhaligon's set up because they don't have those in stores here in the States.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
I do have just qualms with Valentine's Day in general because why were we giving Valentine's to each other as children? Okay? I don't understand the significance of what a Valentine is. Or as we used to say in third and fourth grade, Valentine. Okay? Happy Valentine's Day. It's not even a major holiday. Fuck you and Valentine's Day. Anyway. Shit, girl.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
And so I went over and I smelled all of them. Those bottles are fucking beautiful. It looks like an English country house, like a country manor. And it's all themed like that, like the animal heads or the taxidermy, whatever. And all of the branding is very, you know, It's very British. British nobility, whatever. The fragrances are beautiful, though. And I smelled Helfetti. I get it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
I get it, Michelle. That one is gorgeous. But it wasn't what I thought it would be. I don't know what it was. I think... It smelled too similar to a different fragrance I had smelled or someone I know who wears a fragrance like that. And I was just like, it's not doing it for me. But on paper, all the notes are beautiful. So let me look up what that one was. And it is going to be $300. And
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
This is Halfetti by Penhaligon's. An intoxicating, mysterious fragrance. Vigorous grapefruit, oud, Levantine spice, and rose tangle in the mood light. Maybe that's what I didn't like. I don't like rose. But what's that upon the riverbank? Could it be the fabled black rose? Yeah, I don't know. It was definitely... It's deep and warm, and it's got some of that...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
Like the dry down was nice, but I just, there was something in it. I was like, and here's another one. Diptyque has one called, oh, what is it called? This one, Bois Cossé. This has a note of hazelnut in it. So this one should be my favorite fragrance of all time. but it's not. I went into Diptyque and I sprayed it and it has so many beautiful notes.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
The bottle is done, but the dry down, I did end up buying it because I left the store. I was getting a gift for someone else and I left the store with it on my skin and I kept smelling it the rest of the day and I was like, I'm kind of glad I didn't get it because there's some note in it that did not, because you know, it all comes down to your pH and how it interacts with your skin specifically.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
It can smell beautiful on someone else and weird as fuck on you. And that's what happened. I think that some acid in my skin reacted with this perfume in a way that just ended up smelling like a turtlet. It smelled like a turtlet. Ecosé is French for bark. Colse means full-bodied, like the coffee aroma celebrated here. So it's coffee.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
The bottle is decorated with fine black lines inspired by the release found in bark. The irregular forms on the sleeve evoke the texture of wood. Fragrant notes. Café Arabica. So coffee, sandalwood, tonka bean. But some dude at the tea store told me it had hazelnut in it, and I think that's what I don't like because... I don't know. I don't know.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
If y'all ever smell this, let me know what you think because it's a very interesting fragrance, but it just, something was up. Another one of my favorite fragrances of all time is Vanille Antique by Byredo. If you have never, if you're looking for that perfect vanilla, and I don't mean sugary sweet vanilla, marshmallow, this, caramel, that. If you want that, go to Sol de Janeiro.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
Go get the Cherosa or the traditional, you know, bum bum cream, that smell, or any of those numbers, like 71, 62, whatever. Those are great if you're looking for, like, A very topical, almost teenager-y sweet smell. Vanille antique. Mama, that's a woman. That is a woman. A woman with money. Cash. Money. It is the most beautiful vanilla fragrance I've ever smelled.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
I keep saying warm, but those are the fragrances I like, where you hug someone and you're like, God, you smell delicious. It's deep. It's depth. There's layers to it. It's not just, oh, she smells like candy. I don't want to smell like candy. I want to smell like sex in a hotel lobby. And so Vanilla Antique, it is by far the most impressive vanilla I've ever smelled.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
And you want to know someone else I love? I love his reviews. Daniel Rene. I follow him on TikTok. He came out with his own fragrance that I bought because I love him so much. And he described all these notes in it. And it sounded like Dosan mixed with something else. And I was like, I have to try this. And he's such a salesman, bitch. That was what I was like, fuck.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
You want to know something else about Valentine's Day? You get all dolled up to go to dinner, to go to an expensive dinner with your mid-ass boyfriend, to sit in the booth and eat gut-bubbling pasta and milk sauce, fettuccine alfredo. Okay, with some burnt chicken. And then you go home and have the most vanilla sex of your life.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
I spent $175 on this fragrance. Damn, I've never smelled it. I did a blind buy because I love him. And if it smells like shit, Daniel, I'm going to be pissed off. I don't believe it'll smell like shit because it's from a niche, independent fragrance house. I believe it's French, and he developed it in tandem with this company. The bottle is beautiful. I'm excited to smell it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
So if y'all want, I can give you a little review on the pod because I'm very excited about that fragrance. One of the notes in it is a vanilla cake. Okay, yeah, I'm going to lock into that because when I hear vanilla cake, that gives me some like, it's not vanilla frosting. It's got some bottom to it, right? There's a bottom in it. The fragrance has bottomed. So I'm excited to try that out.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
I'll let you guys know. I think it's called Illusio. Okay, I think that'll do it for me, team. I love y'all to goddamn death. Red Bull, I can't do the watermelon anymore. Please send me something else. Please send me something else. If y'all want merch for this beautiful, informing, informational, academic podcast... Go to broski.shop. We've got Moomoos. We've got slippers.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
We've got Broski Report merch. We've also got a restock of Moomoos. So go in right now. If you did not get a Moomoo or you ordered one and you had to wait a while for it to ship, they were all being made by hand. So they are back. They are in stock. Go get you some Moomoos and slippers. Go watch my interview show, Royal Court. We've got some psychotic guests on there.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
If you have not seen the Aaron Taylor Johnson Royal Court episode, go ahead and watch that for me. If y'all don't mind, go ahead and watch it for me. I think that'll do it for me. Love you guys. Be good. Bye.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
And then you go to bed unsatisfied because he had busted and then gone to sleep. That is Valentine's Day for the majority of American women. Okay, now some of you are being spoiled. Some of you actually have men that care about you. I don't want to hear about that. I really don't give a fuck. We really don't give a fuck. Act like it's a major holiday. Fuck you and Valentine's Day. Okay.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
Yeah, I don't want to hear about that. I think the majority of women, at least for me, you know, there's not a worse feeling than laying next to someone or sitting next to someone or having someone hold your hand, and you just know in the back of your head that, like, they don't see me. Do you know what I mean? Like, this little summer fling that I had, I don't know why I keep talking.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
I'm feeling really vulnerable with you guys as of late. This little summer fling I had, I don't know. Like I'd be with him and I'd be like, I have no doubt that he enjoys my company because I'm fun to be around and I light up a room. I know this about myself. So that's not, you know, I'm not bewildered by the fact that a man wanted to be around me. Of course you fucking do.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
But it's to steal my personality, right? Because men like that who want to be entertainers, they want to be charming and likable so fucking bad, they think that latching onto a bad bitch with a stellar personality who is intensely successful, they think that just by being around me, it's going to rub off on them. Guess what, babe? It's not. Because you are deeply insecure, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
Good morning and welcome back, Broski Nation. It is 7.45 a.m. Hallelujah. There is what I would describe as a squadron of chickadees outside my window this morning. So if y'all hear some... Some faint, whimsical chirps from the birds. Hope you don't mind. Oh, you mind the whimsical musings of the birds outside my window this morning? Fuck you. Fuck off. Do you want to know my stem of the week?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
You don't know who the fuck you are. And you're getting a little too old for that to be cute. You know what I mean? So over the summer, I'd be laying next to him, and I remember thinking, he doesn't, like, understand. Like, he's not in tune with my emotions in the way that he thinks he is. And I don't know if he ever was, because he was such a fucking weirdo liar manipulator. I don't know.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
And there's not a worse feeling than like laying in bed next to someone and feeling alone. I have never felt more alone. I would rather be by myself than sleeping in my bed next to a man who makes me feel alone. And that's what it was. So, thought Valentine's Day, it's not even a major holiday, but I do want to read sort of the history of it. So, and we're going to go to history.com.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
Red Bull, if you want to send me more Red Bull that is not watermelon Red Bull, I've been powering through these suckers for the last, what feels like 16 years. Go ahead and send me whatever Red Bull you want because look, okay, I can't do much more of this. This feels like holographic meatloaf again. I've had a watermelon Red Bull every time I've held the Broski Report for the last six months.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
Red Bull, if you wouldn't mind sending me some more fuel. Shout out to Red Bull, though. Okay. Remember when I figured out the Red Bull logo was actually a bull? That was a big day for me. That was a big day in Broski Nation history. Okay. It's St. Patrick's Day. Valentine's Day is a holiday celebrated every February 14th.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
Across the United States and in other places around the world, candy, flowers, and gifts are exchanged between loved ones, all in the name of St. Valentine. Who the fuck is this mysterious saint? And where did these traditions come from?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
Find out about the meaning and history of Valentine's Day from the ancient Roman ritual of Lupercalia that welcomed spring to the card-giving customs of Victorian England. Why does every fucking thing go back to Victorian England? Oh my God, do you want to know something I learned recently? Okay, just pause for a second. This is not interesting at all, actually.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
This is not, like, a fact that should be shared amongst friends, but, like, I guess I care, so I'm gonna... This is my podcast. I'm gonna fucking talk about it. I'm still reading Sherlock Holmes. Okay, we get it. I was confused around the succession of the British monarchy, right? Because around the time of... Well, honestly... sort of the height of late stage British imperialism.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
So 1860s to like 1900. I mean, I know that it continues into, I know, okay? And I know that in a certain sense, it's still happening. I know that. I'm talking about a specific time period, okay? 1860s to like 1900. Queen Victoria's reign. Now, you always hear about Victorian, Victorian, or sometimes you hear about Edwardian or Georgian. And I'm always like, who the fuck?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
Because, you know, there's always like George V. And then now it was Elizabeth II. But then we're up to Edward VII. It's like, who the fuck? And so I finally, I was actually sitting on my couch and I was having a conversation with Google. Because I was like, I don't want to Google this. And my phone was in the other room. And so I was talking to Google, my little speaker.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
And I was getting the information, okay? I was studying. I was doing some research. And I figured out that Queen Victoria's reign is the longest in British monarchial history, with Elizabeth II coming just shy, okay? That bitch reigned, may she rest in peace, I guess. Actually, not really, because she was horrible. She reigned for damn near 60 years? Let me fact check myself.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
Damn. Damn, she was born in 1819. She became queen at age 18 after the death of her uncle, William IV. Okay, anyway, yeah, 63 years and some change. The longest reign in British history. Oh, just kidding. Queen Elizabeth II surpassed her in 2015. My fault. My fault. Because, oh, that is actually true because Queen Elizabeth was, what is that called? Coronated? Coronated definition.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
To put a crown on someone's head in an official ceremony. I am a genius. And you know what? That comes from the stem corona, which means crown in Spanish, which is in Latin. Because it's a romance language. So coronated. Corona. Okay, anyway, Victorian England, you always hear about that. It's because that was for over 50 years that Victorian England was a thing.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
Because it is Valentine's week, and the crowd makes no reaction. It's Valentine's week. That fucking video. That girl with her friends in the hotel room. She goes, it's St. Patrick's Day. And her friends say, we really don't give a fuck. It's not even a major holiday. Acted like it's Christmas or something. Fuck you and St. Patrick's Day. And her face, she said, what the fuck?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
Queen Victoria died in 1901, and her son Edward took over for nine years. Edward was a playboy king. He didn't give a fuck. about England or the English people. He didn't give a fuck. He reigned for nine years, died. Shortly after that, George took over. I believe King George VI. Let me see if I'm wrong. Boom. I'm a genius. King George VI.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
And when King George... So King George ruled during World War I and World War II. And so when you hear them talk about God saved the king, that's King George VI. And he wasn't the ugliest monarch that the UK and Northern Ireland has ever had. Okay? He wasn't fugly. I'll say that. He was... Queen Elizabeth II's father. Okay, so we have Victoria and Albert.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
If you ever hear about the Victoria and Albert Theater, very famous venue in London, that's actually going to be Victoria and Albert because that was the king and queen. Okay. Queen Victoria, then we have King Edward, then we have King George, then we have Queen Elizabeth, then we have King Charles. Okay, so that's the sort of succession of the British monarchy for the last... What is that?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
200 years? And I was reading during... I was reading Sherlock Holmes into the 1900s. He refers to the king. And I was like, what fucking king? And then they would also refer to Victoria. And so that's what kind of led me to Google it. Y'all really don't care. And I also stumbled my way through that. And for that, I apologize.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
So if you were ever wondering, when you hear about Victorian England, oh, Victorian, Victorian, it's... Because it lasted for, you know, just shy of 70 years. So that's a long time to rule. And it's also a long time to commit atrocities under your name in service of the British Empire. Okay, pardon me. There were two Georges. Holy shit. There were two Georges.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
King George V ruled the UK from 1910 to 1936. So I wasn't wrong. There was a King George. And then right after that, King George VI from 1936 to 1952. And then 1952 was Queen Elizabeth II. This is tea, though, because, God, I mean, obviously imperialism is... the bane of, I would say, most atrocities globally and internationally can be traced to imperialism. I think that is a fair statement.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
Like most of the evil between peoples historically has come from imperialism or empire and trying to own slash destroy imperialism. other countries and other cultures and other peoples to subjugate them. That has been the bane. The bane of the human existence is the desire for power and the acquisition, the struggle for acquisition of power. I think most things can be traced back to that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
83: DO NOT Learn The History of Valentine’s Day
I need to take a sociology course. Right. I feel like I would I'd eat that shit up. I took a sociology and psychology course at a community college when I was in college just to, like, get my credit. And so I did it locally and I was tapped the fuck in. No one else in that class gave a fuck.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
Nikola Tesla is creating the most impressive technology, to be honest, and he's being pushed to the wayside. The story of Tesla is actually very, very sad. He died alone in debt in a hotel room, and he lost the patent war for his own technology, which was an improvement upon both Westinghouse and Edison's technology. It was tea.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
It's crazy, you know, how the true contributors to the collective history of humankind are rarely credited. It's always just the big names who can attach themselves or who have the most money or who, you know what I mean? It's a name game. And it's not really giving credit where credit is due. And the fact that he died
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
not a penny to his name, in fact, indebted, not even owning a home of his own, as an immigrant into the United States who contributed this thing to American history. It's just really sad. And Nicholas Holt plays Nikola Tesla. I loved his performance. OK, I loved it. I love this movie. I don't know why. It's like it was like a hyper fixation movie.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
And you go and you look on Rotten Tomatoes and people just were not loving it. And that's OK. Hey, that's OK with me because I like movies like this. And then I looked up who the director was and I didn't recognize any of the other movies he had done. Alfonso Gomez Rejon. And he looks just like Javier Bardem. he did Meet Earl and the Dying Girl, which I have not seen. He's from Laredo.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
Because the last time we checked in about a month ago, sorry, I've been gone for a while, team. The last time we talked, I was about a third of the way through 1984. I finished it. I remembered that I had read it in high school. And because I thought I was like, they didn't make us read this in high school. I lied. Yes, they did. Because I was like, oh, yeah, that part.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
The book in and of itself stands the test of time, in my opinion. It was written in the 40s. It was written in like 1949. So this is like directly after World War II. And he's seeing all these visions of like what the world will come to if they continue on in this way. And the whole premise of 1984, if you've never read it, is this idea of an omnipotent, all-powerful government.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
They live in a society that is referred to as Ingsoc, which is English socialism. But the term socialism has been so bastardized, so watered down, so mutilated that you wouldn't even recognize it. It is totalitarian, but it's to a figure that doesn't exist, right? So this, like... almost dictator position is Big Brother, but Big Brother's not a real person. It is a construct.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
And I'm fairly sure that Orwell based it off of Stalin, you know, this big, just loving guy with a mustache, just like averagely handsome mustache, strong features, and that he's always watching you and that you need to behave like you are always being watched. And the extent of the monitoring that happens in this book is just, it's psychotic.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
And it's very weird to think about how all of us have kind of accepted this idea that our phones listen to us. You know what I mean? I've been thinking about all this shit. It's been cooking around in my brain. It's been swirling around in my little crock pot of a brain. We just acknowledge that our phones listen to us and it's really not.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
And there is, at least for me, a sense of detachment of like, I don't really care. I don't really care anymore because my personal information personally has been online since I was 11. So, you know what I mean? Like my, all my private information, I was given that shit out for free to webkins.gov. I don't give a fuck.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
They're going to get it another way or the, like, if you are completely off the grid, never had any social media, never, that is the only way to avoid this idea of like being monitored, being listened to. And it's not necessarily in a, you know, and I say this, I guess in quotes, it's not in a dangerous way.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
You know, the fact that my TikTok algorithm listens to me when I talk, it benefits me, I guess, because it is a very highly personalized algorithm. But at the same time, you got to just know that when you use this technology, when you use your phone, when you use whatever, and you agree to those terms and conditions, it voice monitors and whatever. Whatever. The world's on fire.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
Yeah. They came to Dallas. We saw them. Which, by the way, that was 10 years in the making because they stopped touring in 2015, which I hadn't even graduated high school yet. And Artsy Monkeys were like, fuck you, bitches. You will never get to hear Arabella live. And I said, okay. And I begged my parents to go. I said, you don't understand.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
I don't give a fuck. You know what I mean? Just show me edits of Paul Meskel. And that's really all I'm asking. That's all I care about. I want to see AI recreations of ACOTAR. That's all I really want. And if by me saying that out loud, it's going to give it to me, fuck it. You know what I mean? So, yeah, 1984. I think that... All that to say, I think it stands the test of time.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
It's an important message. And I don't know, you know, I could literally write an essay on what the message is of letting a government get too powerful, losing a sense of humanity, losing a sense of community, the idea of tattling on each other instead of looking out for each other, the tragedy of the commons.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
When you exhaust a resource out of your own greediness and selfishness or for you and a certain group of people, everyone else loses out. And that is very true in this book. In this book, bitch, it's fucking crazy. I didn't remember this part. Everyone works, right? You work, you work to create products, to create just consumer goods. But the populace never sees the fruit of that labor.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
In fact, on the telescreen, which is what they sort of call the – it's a mandatory screen that's installed in every – outer party member's house. It is always watching you. There's a camera in it, and you can never turn it off. You can turn it a little bit down, but never silent, and you can never completely turn it off. It watches you cook. It watches you read. It watches you sleep.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
It watches you whatever. It's like this inescapable thing. Big Brother is watching you. That's okay. A lot of the concepts are, I think in a weird way, prophetic concepts. Because he anticipated the technology of the future and its impacts. Because we're there. And so not much has changed. It's just a strange, chilling thought to think 70 years post-publication, not much has changed.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
I really enjoyed it. Now, I went on Goodreads, like I do. And I wrote my little review. And I was like, you know, powerful, ever... An evergreen story of... ever giving the government too much power over free will and what is best for all of humankind. And in doing that, so I left my little review and I was like, you know, I think the story at times kind of dragged.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
I think there's a part in the middle where he quotes this... fake author named Goldstein from who's supposed to be this sort of revolutionary figure. The people who want to rebel against Big Brother and the party, as it's called, always reference the book. And it's supposed to be this book that just tells the truth. You know, like, this is how the world came to be like this.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
This is what they're keeping from you. This is you are valid and feeling like this. And it doesn't make you a bad person and all this shit. And it just sort of lays out the doctrine of what a world without the party and without Ingsoc, what that looks like. And it spends a bit too much time, I think, in the middle part of the book or towards the end.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
It just I felt like I was reading a fucking political book. Which is fine because, right, that's the whole, you have to understand that it's a setup for Orwell to tell you his politics. Okay, fine. If that's through the lens of a narrative story with this lead character Winston and his counterpart Julia and this, you know, it's fine. But it just went on for too long.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
It was like 30 pages of just political, not propaganda, but just theory. And then the end of the book, I think, ends too quickly. And I was kind of, the resolution is like, okay. But the book is fine. And it's iconic and everyone should read it, whatever. I go on Goodreads. I look at the reviews. Oh, my God. Apparently, there is a, and I'm going to pull up my Goodreads to fact check myself.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
It's Shadow Puppets I don't like. Even though people love the shadow puppets. I don't know, dude. I don't know. I was never that. There was this weird little gay thing on Tumblr where they were like, we want Miles and Alex to have sex and have a child. And I'm like, neither of them are gay. Anyway, yes, what was I talking about?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
Okay, here we go. Listen to the, I'm going to read this. I literally screenshot it in. This is a review of 1984 from Goodreads. Do you guys care? This is just some random dude. And he wrote this review and I was like, no fucking way. There's always tea in the literary community. I'm on Goodreads. I'm reading the reviews. And I come across this review that is just destroying Orwell.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
Because in my review, I was like, I enjoyed this book. I gave it four stars. I was like, I think it's important. But really, my favorite part about this book is Orwell's writing. It is so weird to feel seen by someone who's been dead 70 years or 60 years. It's like some of the things that he would say and how he would phrase them, I was like, and this sounds so pretentious.
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
Which I fully am self-aware of. Like I've written a similar sentence like in my journal or in my, you know, just as a thought in my notes app or fucking whatever, like just a brain dump. It's like I have a thought and I'll just put it out. And the way I word it sometimes feels pretentious, but it's how I feel.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
And I've never thought, and this is also navel gazing, I've never thought other people feel that way too. Reading some of his writing in 1984, this sounds so pretentious, I know! I was like, wow, Orwell's writing is really, really, it really struck a chord with me.
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
And while I think he's incredibly intelligent and had a real grasp on the world around him and the things that he saw early in his life living under British imperialism, serving in the war, I think he fought in the Spanish Civil War, right? And he lived in India under British rule as a British citizen, then moved to London, lived in poverty.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
Like he has seen the dusty, nasty, dirty corners of the British Empire. And I think that that's such a unique perspective to – without access to – like-minded materials, you know what I mean? To be like, other people feel this way too. Early on in his life, he already had that sense of right or wrong, of like, this is fucking wrong.
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
Orwell just had a unique perspective that he wrote from and that informed all those experiences early on in his life informed a lot of his writing. And I think that that can be true. And at the same time, you can read other writers and be heavily inspired and, in fact, be prone to plagiarizing.
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
Not necessarily plagiarizing word for word, but plagiarizing a concept, plagiarizing a structure, plagiarizing a sort of narrative perspective. And I think that that's a little disappointing. So I'm about to read you this review, and it's for a book called We by a Russian author named Zamyatin. This is the inspiration for 1984, which is what I came to find out, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
Oh, when we saw them live in 2023, he's doing this like hotel jazz singer shit. But he's still playing the hits, but he's singing them like Zack and Cody's mom in Suite Life. And so I'm like, Alex, lock in, okay? And I think he does that on purpose, which honestly, hilarious. He'll do that shit on purpose. Well, he'll sing it a little behind the tempo or he'll kind of freestyle it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
This was originally published in 1924. It's a dystopian novel by the Russian writer Yevgeny Zamyatin that was written in 1920. It was first published as an English translation in 1924. Okay, so this was the original. 1984 apparently is a cheap copy, a cheap British copy of We. So now I'm going to read you a review that some fucking dude left under Wii and it blew my mind.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
And I immediately added Wii to my want to read list. I was like, damn. Okay, here we go. George Orwell, you poser, you punk, you thief. I heard that you had read this before writing 1984, but I didn't expect Zamyatin's writing to be so superior to yours, and it is. It is so much more intriguing than your sterile work. D-503 is so much the better character than Winston.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
I'm assuming D-503 is the main character in We, and Winston Smith, of course, is the main character in 1984. And you rob I-333 of her power and respect by demoting Julia to the role of a sexual object that stirs Winston to action. Yes, D-503 is stirred to action by I-333, but she's the political activist, the intelligent one in this revolution.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
Besides, Zamyatin had the guts to apply a letter and a name to his characters, while your very English Winston makes your work smack of parochialism and, frankly, condescension. Parochialism. A limited or narrow outlook, especially focused on a local area. Narrow-mindedness. Like, bitch, he's gagging him. He said, you narrow-minded little prick. You British fucking dick sucker.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
D-503 is the universal toady and I-333 the universal revolutionary. Winston, really? Were you trying to evoke Churchill? Somehow I sense. Regardless of this, Zamyatin's prose is far better than yours. It never seems hackneyed. Hackneyed. lacking significance through having been overused. Unoriginal and trite. Damn!
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
It never seems hackneyed and rarely pedantic, though I suppose any novel that portrays rebellion against totalitarianism has to be somewhat pedantic.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
But because Zamyatin actually lived under a totalitarian state, too actually, and you only imagined what the socialists would do in your imaginary world, he avoids much of the rhetoric that you seem to embrace, even while lampooning the imagined society of Big Brother." You see, despite his impersonal name, D-503 is so much more human than Winston.
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
Yes, Winston is a revolutionary like D-503, but when I read him in comparison with the protagonist of We, Winston comes off as disingenuous. D-503 is the real deal, because Zamyatin was the real deal. The man was exiled by both the czar and the communists for his free thinking, while you were worried about threats from within your country that never materialized.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
Maybe that's why 1984 feels so forced. Remember that awful middle section outlining the world's politics? Boring! While we feel so much more natural and easy to read. Wow. Then he goes on, the whole last section is like, furthermore, Zamyatin's prose is beautiful.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
Yes, you have a grasp of the English language, but Zamyatin, there is something about it being originally written in Russian and then translated. The fact that the beauty still stuck through the translation, amazing. Amazing, amazing. Anyway, I read that and I was like, damn! I've never read a book and been like, I have to write a scathing review. Actually, I'm lying. I'm completely lying.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
After I read Iron Flame, I was like, I'm so fucking mad. Iron Flame is the sequel to Fourth Wing. Fourth Wing was so good, but then again, a lot of those authors... I've heard, okay, and I cannot, don't, or do fact check me on this, but don't quote me on this, stole a lot of ideas from Lord of the Rings, from Lord of the Flies, from a lot of classics.
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
He'll kind of go pork and beans on it. That's a new thing I'm testing out. And Taylor does not like it. Okay. You know how people will be like, people will be like, I went ham on it. I went ham on it. Okay, I started to say that. Like I went ham and beans on it. And then I started to say I went pork and beans on it. And every time I say it, Taylor gets mad. Because she's like, no one says that.
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
Fourth Wing stole some stuff from popular fantasy books, yeah. Ideas from other novels like Harry Potter, Akatar. But then again, I think even Sarah J. Maas copied someone. I think that it's something I never really thought about of authors. When you're in an intense writer's block after you've created this IP of like these concrete characters writing. a concrete magic.
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
And I say that in quotes because that was one of my qualms with Rebecca Yaros' books is like, it feels like she doesn't even understand the magic that she's created. And I don't mean that in like the magic she's created. I mean the magic system. I'm about to nerd out for a second. At the end of Iron Flame,
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
I was like, what the fuck is going on in terms of the magic system and the limits of that magic? And I guess some of the rules just changed because she changed her mind. I was like, this is hard to follow because there's no rigid structure to this magical world that I'm supposed to be in. You know, like... I'm down with the dragons.
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
I'm down with the fucking this and the that and the strength and the telepathy and they're fucking and then he's fucking the dragon and whatever. Okay, I'm there. But you lost me, dude. You freaking lost me with the... What are they called? They're trying to create these like... stone pillars of magical protective something against the rotted zombies who fly on the evil dragons. I don't know.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
Dude, they lost me. And also, half of Ironflame, Zayden and Violet are separated and they don't even have sex. So they don't even have sex. And so they're not even fucking, and I don't even, or they have sex and then he leaves in the morning, I'm pissed off. Or they don't talk to each other because they're mad at each other and then he almost dies. I was just mad.
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
Like, fourth wing, the original concept, Dragon Rider Academy, oh yeah. Oh yeah. I'm down for that. No, it's just disappointing. The second book is disappointing. Am I going to read the third one? Yeah. Because I have to know. Does Zayden die? I don't give a fuck about Violet. I only care about Zayden. And that's saying something because Violet had pissed me off. But Zayden also had pissed me off.
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
in the second book because, oh dude, there's this whole, a major plot point of the book is them just not being truthful to each other, which is one of my least favorite tropes in all of these romance books, okay, is miscommunication. Don't piss me off. And I had my nails done recently, okay? And I was talking to my nail lady about this because she is an astrology woman.
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
She is an astrology hooker. She loves that shit. She read my chart and I was like, that makes total sense. Apparently my Venus is in Gemini. My Venus is in Gemini? No, and my Mars is in Aries. And that is my problem solving, okay? Yes, my Mars is in Aries. I'm very direct. If we have a problem, come over here and talk to me, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
We're going to sort this out right fucking now because I cannot sit here another second with this on my spirit. It will drive me nuts. I don't know how some people can do that. Some people can like, if they have an issue, they'll hold it. They'll hold it in and they'll ruminate on it and they'll hold it until the pressure boils over and they fucking explode. I don't know how they do that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
It doesn't make sense. And I'm like, you know what? They called Thomas Edison stupid. I don't know if that's true. They called Thomas Edison an idiot at first. Definitely not true. He was like one of the best inventors ever. Actually, oh, y'all, I have so much to talk about today. And the number one thing is I broke my middle fingernail. Don't talk about it, okay? Also, body mod.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
And then it's also – that's unfair because if you hold that anger inside and you blow up at the person that was the subject of it and this person had no prior warning to the fact that they had even done anything wrong – That's just so unfair to me. And I've had people do that to me and I'm like, I never even knew that I did something wrong.
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
And you're yelling at me about how I did this and how fucking dare you and whatever. And you always do this and whoa. I just don't appreciate an indirect communication. If we have a problem, let's work it out. Because it doesn't behoove either of us to, anyway. As a person with their Mars and Aries, reading a book like Iron Flame was infuriating because fuck you.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
It's also why I couldn't ever, the later seasons of Drake and Josh, couldn't watch it. A lot of it was a miscommunication trope of like someone misheard something or this wasn't communicated to so-and-so and then the whole episode spirals out of control because of that. And it was a simple thing that they could have fucking fixed. I'm pissed off.
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
I literally, I could not do it because it infuriates me to the point of DNF. Do not finish that episode of Drake and Josh. You pissed me off. Or having a little fucking instigator like Megan. Don't piss me off. Okay, anyway. And apparently, yeah, my Gemini is, or my Venus is in Gemini. Whoa. Let's read that. Venus in Gemini meaning.
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
This signifies communication, curiosity, and a playful intellectual nature. This generally translates to a person who enjoys flirting, mental stimulation in relationships, and thrives on open, varied communication in love life. Listen to that. Do the stars lie? No. And the older I get, the more I'm like, I'm going to put my tinfoil hat on because this shit is real.
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
My chart is so real, it makes me really, really nervous. Because how the fuck do you know that? Because what do you mean Mars and Venus are right there when I was born and that's why I can't deal with Iron Flame? And that's why when the dragons are fucking each other and then Zeta and the Violet aren't talking, I'm mad. Because Venus was right there when I was born. Right? What do you mean?
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
And what do you mean when they made Pluto not a planet, that means that I started to get PCOS and my hair fell out? This shit is, it's science, dude. This shit's science. I can't explain it, bro. Yeah, that's nuts to me. She read my chart and she was like, this means this, this means this. Are you like this? And I was like, yes. What the hell? Anyway.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
Yeah, so get into We by And there's a third one as well, Looking Backward by Edward Bellamy. This doesn't have the best reviews on Goodreads, but here's the summary. Because these are the three – I read the intro, the foreword, and the – what the fuck is that called? It's like an afterword, right? Afterward. W-O-R-D.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
After 1984, someone wrote a little like post thing of the impact of 1984 and the cultural relevancy and all that. And it referenced these other two books where it kind of refers to, in a loose sense, the big three dystopian novels that are of note of this time period. And then the earliest being – actually, I wish I had my copy. It's in my freaking room –
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
I got a new piercing, okay? Thanks for noticing. Okay, I wanna talk about, actually let's transition from, you know those games where you can connect point A to point Z? I could do that for real, because I'm about to connect Alex Turner to Nikola Tesla. So give me like literally 10 minutes and I'm about to do that, okay? Here's the thing. Alex Turner is an innovator. And what was I trying to say?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
Um, there's an earlier book from like as early as the 1600s, 1700s. That's a dystopian novel. That's actually kind of modern and really good. And I wish I remembered the name of it. Anyway, this is one, um, this was written in 18. Oh, just kidding. It was published in 2000. Am I stupid?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
Edward Bellamy's classic look at the future has been translated into over 20 languages and is the most widely read novel of its time. What? A young Boston gentleman is mysteriously transported from the 19th to the 21st century, from a world of war and want to one of peace and plenty. This brilliant vision became the blueprint of utopia that stimulated some of the greatest thinkers of our age.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
Someone rated it five stars and they're saying that it turned them into a socialist. Okay, queen. As a novel, this book isn't much. That isn't a mark against it, though. The story serves as a light frame to build an explanation of socialism around, and it does that very well.
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
Looking backward is the best and clearest way I have ever seen socialism presented, although that is not hard since I've never seen socialism presented in any light other than a negative one. And in almost every way, it seems better than capitalism. It raises questions in me that I have never had occasion to consider. Why, indeed, should we not all work together?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
Why should one have so much more than another? Will all people are created equal? Why waste so much manpower and economic power with endless duplication of enterprise? Why should many of us live under constant threat of poverty and hunger when the good earth is rich and can support us all equally? Yeah, bro, we know all this, but... This might be a pessimistic worldview, but we'll never get there.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
Humans are too selfish. It'd be nice. It'd be ideal, right? But that's why it's called a utopia and not reality. Utopia definition. The breakdown of the word utopia means not place. It doesn't exist, okay? If you want to get into the etymology of the word, the Latin root, it's Greek. and it came about in the mid-16th century. The word was first used in the book Utopia, 1516, by Sir Thomas More.
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
That's the book I was talking about. Thank you, Google, for listening to me. Thank you, Google, for always being on my side. Thank you, Google, for giving me cognitive bias. Or what's that called? Confirmation bias. Yeah, confirmation bias, yeah! An imagined place or state of things in which everything is perfect. A big thing in 1984 is this...
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
idea of a new language that limits the mind's capacity to think because it removes the necessary words to express contradictory thought. Hey, I'm terrified. They call it Newspeak. If you have not read 1984, I really would recommend it. Or if you read it in high school and you're like, eh, it didn't fuck me, I just had to read it. Read it as an adult in your free time. And let me know.
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
I love reading y'all's comments under the YouTube video of these podcasts of being like, if you liked so-and-so, you should do this. I had to write a paper on it, and it's really interesting how the author goes into, I read all of them. I read all of them, and I, bam, smash that like. Bam, throw it a like. Bam, red heart. You guys are smart when you want to be, okay?
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
You guys are smart when you try, and I really appreciate it, seriously. I think that that was one of the most disturbing parts of, well, it's a very disturbing book, but one of the most disturbing parts is when they're describing new speak compared to old speak.
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
And it's just this simplification of language to the point of making rebellious thought not even possible because you don't have the words to describe how you're feeling. How terrifying is that? And so there's something called Which is a big plot point. It's a big point of the whole reason he wrote the book. It's called Doublethink.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
And Doublethink is to simultaneously hold the belief and innate knowledge... That Big Brother knows best. That the party is always right. That we are all working towards the same goal. That this is correct. That, you know, I trust what the telescreen tells me. Of course I do. Because why would they ever lie? But it's also this...
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
accepting and simultaneous understanding of you're erasing history, that whatever you hear from the telescreen probably isn't true, that it's, you know, to be critical, but at the same time have utmost allegiance to the party and know that they are looking out for you, but also to be like, I know what's going on here, you know?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
They called Jesus crazy. They called Jesus a fucking liar. Okay? Maybe that was what I was trying to say. I'm trying to say that Thomas Edison, when the idea of electricity... was first kind of, you know, circulating, people could not comprehend. It literally was magic, okay? Then, you know, look at where we are today. It becomes integrated into society, okay?
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
Doublethink is inherent in the plot of what happens to Winston at the very end. Is he resists, he resists, he resists, and they finally break him. And you break someone by really nailing in the idea of doublethink. That, yeah, the rebellious thoughts you're thinking, sure, you're right. Is that what you wanted to hear? You're right.
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
But it's how do you quell those while still acknowledging that, yeah, we're actively rewriting history. We are actively – it's an intentional choice to have you live in poverty so the inner party can live comfortably. But it's all for the better use of the party. And it is this crazy idea, which makes total sense.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
If you keep a society in eternal war, it's always going to be this hyper-patriotic, like, I will do anything for my country. And it's this fervent – hatred for foreign enemies, for protecting your territory, and trusting your government to take care of stuff overseas.
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
And there's always infighting, and then you're fighting this country one day, and then they're your enemy the next day, and you're an ally, and it's always switching back and forth. And if you've been at war with Eurasia, and now you're at war with East Asia, You were always at war with East Asia, because of course you were. We were never at war with Eurasia. Know that you're making that up.
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
It's insane. I really enjoyed the book. I'm about to start, because I love Red Rising, to completely pivot. I miss Red Rising. I miss that freaking book so much. Me and my friend Jack, we love that series. I've had a book hangover because I finished Lightbringer, waiting on the seventh book to come out, which... will probably be late next year. I'm pissed off. I read 1984.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
I'm still doing Anthony Bourdain's. I go back to Anthony Bourdain's book when I'm like in a slump where I'm like, I don't want to read about political theory or war or this or that. Anthony Bourdain's book is just like, and then the chefs were fucking in the fridge. And then the chefs in the walk-in were fingering each other and then going back to work and making fish stew. And I'm like, hell yeah.
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
I'm highlighting and underlining it. i miss i miss tony there is a new book series called we are war of the plenty we are damn it i don't i don't remember it it's on my nightstand i need to go grab it But it's supposed to be like to cure the Red Rising hangover. We'll see. We'll freaking see. I don't know.
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
I'm going to start it soon and I'll come back and I'll give you a little review of the first like five, six chapters. Anyway, let's do songs of the week. And let's also, if we haven't, talk about Paul Meskel because the Gladiator premiere. Did I debrief after the Gladiator premiere? Paul Muskell's the nicest person I've ever met. Hey.
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
And he's – I feel like he's one of those people that's on the same wavelength. You know what I mean? Like, we had brain blasted. Like, even talking to him for, what, a minute and a half? Because the production people on the carpet were like, let's keep him moving. Don't keep him for too long. Let's get the viral clip and then let's actually keep going.
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
But I was like, this is an opportunity to not be like –
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
He doesn't want to talk about that. So let's do something silly and fun. And I think that it was, you know, that's what I tried to do. It was the best I could do with the time that I was allotted and also the questions I was allowed to ask. I hope he had fun. It looked like he did. And I'd love to have him on royal court, dude. I'd love to have Paul Baskin on royal court. So he just did SNL.
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
I think he did great. SNL's hard. I think he did really good. I just want to talk to him. You know what I mean? I think he's got such an artist brain. I just kind of want to sit down, talk to him, maybe sing some Irish drinking songs. Maybe I can show him some of my Irish hats or like my Irish flag I put up here sometimes. I don't know.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
What I'm trying to say about Alex Turner is that he's doing this weird, like, jazz singer thing when they came from this, like, nasty garage pop punk band. Not pop punk. What would you call early Arctic Monkees? AI overview on Google is saying it's a hybrid of indie rock, garage rock, and post-punk revival. I'm so smart that I literally not just say garage nasty post-punk revival.
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
Dick Harpo was crazy. That was one of the craziest things I've ever fucking done. Thanks for letting me do this job, guys. Seriously. Hey, guys, check this out. I'm making a hand heart. Okay, let's talk about songs of the week. Arctic Monkeys. I'm back in it. I'm back in it. Hosier just released Hymn to Virgil. Love it. Song's so good, and I'm pissed off. How much music is he sitting on?
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
He's done eight post-album releases. Just release the second album. Just release Unreal Unearthed Part 2. And if it has 45 songs on it, good. Stop keeping it from us. You're an evil overlord, Hosier, and I will not tolerate it anymore because you're sitting on a heap. You're like a dragon hoarding his gold treasure.
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
And I come up, and I'm like a little beggar, and I'm like, please, Mr. Sir, if you could spare a gold coin. and the gold coins are his music, and he's sitting on a big pile of them, of rubies and gems. And I go up and I put my hand out like a dog, like for a dog to smell my hand before I can pet him. I put my hand out to big dragon hosier, and he goes, and then he bites me.
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
That's what it feels like. Share your wealth with the common people. He keeps releasing these songs and it's just banger after banger after banger. One of my favorite Hosea songs of all time is Empire Now. Empire Now was some B-side, C-side song from like the third release that he did after Unreal Unearthed. It's one of the best songs ever. What the fuck is wrong with him?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
I think that I would never want to second guess how an artist feels the art should be ranked, so to speak, in terms of track list, release order, project, what project it belongs on. That's up to him and I trust him inherently to give us the project that he wants to give us because he is...
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
the authority on it you know what i mean but at the same time if you have that much music and it's all of the same caliber and quality that unreal unearthed was fucking release it anyway love him to virgil i also have been loving i okay can i just level with you guys for a second About six months ago, I started to get TikToks of live footage, like concert footage of that band.
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
I think you say it McGee. MK.G. Machine Gun Kelly. MGK. McGee. I was getting like, I think it was fake fan accounts. And Sam Fender does this too. I love Sam Fender to goddamn death. But there is an account that I know is run by his record label. I fucking know it. Because it's like, guys, Sam Fender's new single dropping February 12th.
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
I cannot believe this is the, guys, isn't everyone pre-saving it? I'm so excited to pre-save it. Shut the fuck up, girl. I'm like, we know it's you. I like every video though. I think that, I don't know if these videos of McGee were from a label or I don't even know if they're signed, but I ignored them. I was like, who the fuck is this? And I would just scroll.
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75: George Orwell & Dragons
I was like, they're trying to push me. They're trying to push the year of the boy band. Dude, Rockman came out? This song, Rockman by McGee? It's going to be my most played song. I know Spotify rap just happened. It's going to be my most played song of 2025. I am addicted to this song. So now I've gone back into their discography. It's great. It's great like ambient music to put on the background.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
It's not too intense. It's not too heavy. I'd love to see them live. I would love to take an bull. I'd love to take an bull and see them live and like float above the crowd. It's that type of music. Yeah. That's, I'm addicted to it. And the shit, the effects they do on the vocals, love it. I've also just been back into Jack Harlow. I mean, Hello Miss Johnson is okay.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
It's not my favorite song ever. Come Home the Kids Miss You is one of my favorite. It's probably my favorite Jack Harlow album. Like a Blade of Grass, Dua Lipa, all those songs, love them. And I miss him and I hope this new album's great. And Jack Harlow, I know you're watching, come on Royal Court. Come on Royal Court because I got something to show you. Okay. Let's, I think that's it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
Every time I hear revival, I think it's like a church. Like, we're going to the revival, and I feel the spirit. Lord, thank you, Lord. Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Lord. Me listening to the Arctic Monkeys. Do I wanna know? Me in the audience. Thank you, Lord. The farting preacher. Thank you, Lord. Okay. Do you consider early Arctic Monkeys a punkish band? Absolutely.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
Guys, if you want a moo moo, it's a great Christmas gift. Give your father a moo moo. Everyone wants a free ball. Let your mom free ball. Let your dad free ball. Let your siblings free ball. A friend, let yourself free ball. Go pork and beans on it. Really just get in there, go pork and beans on those moo moos. They're there for you to enjoy. There's Broski Report merch.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
Go get your slippers, okay? It's gonna be a cold winter. Go get yourself some slippers. And I'll see you guys next week, to be honest. Like, to be totally for real with you. We're filming Royal Court today with a guest that y'all are going to act. You are going to lose your fucking mind. Should I wear the elf ears? We'll see. Okay. Love you guys. Fuck off.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
Have you ever heard Red Light Indicates Doors Are Secured? Have you ever heard Favorite Worst Nightmare? Let's go through that album. I've been addicted to that album. I remember in high school when I was like... I like to act like monkeys. Because I heard Do I Wanna Know and I heard Are You Mine and I was like, oh, I'm fucking with this. Fucking with a capital F and a hard G, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
Then I was like, oh, they have more albums. And the first one came out in 2007 and I went back into it and I was like,
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
that jay-z gif of him like okay and then i got into it of course it's so interesting as like a middle schooler high schooler being like do i like this or do i just think that i should like this based on what everyone else is saying you know what i mean uh but i like it i do like it what's it called arctic
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
guys the beverages today what's on the menu today for the broski report we're doing sugar-free red bull because i ran out of my chocolate premier protein hydro flask full of lukewarm water because all my ice melted and earlier i had a hazelnut coffee with a bit of pumpkin spice creamer dairy-free mind you What is this album called? Favorite Worst Nightmare. Yeah.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
And then the next one was, I don't know, the first one is Whatever People See I Am, That's What I'm Not. This album goes crazy too. I bet that you look good on the dance floor. I don't know if you're looking for romance or I don't know what you're looking for. Red Lions, Gates, Roads to Security, yes. From the Ritz to the Rubble, yes. Where are my Arctic Monkeys girls? Okay, anyway.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
So here's actually what I wanted to talk about. Okay? New special interest unlocked! Guys, it's time!
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
I watched this movie that I can't stop talking about. And I wouldn't say it's particularly critically acclaimed, but somehow it's the most me movie I could have found because I was doing some research, just general research, okay, on something we may or may not be working on. I was doing some research on it. And I watched this movie called The Current War, okay? Have you heard of it?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
No, probably not. This movie came out, and I want to say 2017. Yep, 2017. Okay, now this movie stars Benedict Cumberbatch, Nicholas Holt. Who's the guy that plays, oh, Tom Holland's in it. Matthew McFadden is in it. Shout out. And who's the guy who plays Westinghouse? I guess we'll never know. This chronicles the race to power America, meaning in the most physical sense of electricity.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
It was this sort of copyright slash patent war back and forth between Thomas Edison and someone named Westinghouse. What is his name? Fuck. I'm going to pull up the cast. George Westinghouse, okay? Let's just read the little trailer because the summary I'm about to give is probably not correct.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
The greatest inventors of the industrial age, Thomas Edison and George Westinghouse, engage in a battle of technology and ideas that will determine whose electrical system will power the new century. Backed by J.P. Morgan, okay, Edison dazzles the world by lighting Manhattan. But Westinghouse, aided by Nikola Tesla... sees fatal flaws in Edison's direct current design.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
Westinghouse and Tesla bet everything on risky and dangerous alternating current. Okay, so here's the thing. I had figured out where ACDC came from. That actually means alternating current, direct current. Okay, the more you know. Am I 27 and I just figured that out? Yeah. Because did I give a fuck about physics in high school? No. I don't give a fuck. That shit was so confusing to me, actually.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
I really do. I don't want to ever typecast a brain, but that shit is true. You know what I mean? Like, are you right-brained? Are you left-brained? Are you a fucking Taurus? Are you a fucking Taurus? But it's true. Like I'm not – this is not my sort of – I don't get it. I was never a math person. I did okay in math just because I wanted good grades and I like locked in. But I didn't enjoy it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
I didn't particularly innately understand it. It was just sort of like retain enough to be able to do the test and then lose it. Like if you put a calculus problem in front of me today, I'd be like this is a different language. I genuinely do not understand it. No, literature and language on the other hand. I love that shit. I love that shit. It's my, I love it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
I would much rather annotate and summarize and write an essay on a five-line poem than have to work through a calculus problem or explain ACDC to someone, okay? Explain the difference between alternating current and direct current. I can't do it and I don't particularly care. I'm glad it exists. Don't really give a fuck.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
In this sort of more philosophical sense of when red tape becomes a factor in this thing of like powering the United States, like we were living by candlelight previously, we're seeing a rapid exponential increase in innovation because I think of it also in a sort of like space race thing of you wanna beat this other party and in doing so, you're just improving and improving and improving the technology.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
to get it to a point that is actually safe and consumable for the American people. And a big plot point in this movie is the safety of installing electricity in American houses and in businesses. And there are some deaths that occur because the technology is just, people are so excited about it, they don't really understand it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
I thought you were my favourite worst nightmare. Ask if we could have six in. If not, we'll have to have two. Well, you're coming up on our end, aren't you? Will I get one with you? Ask if we can have six in. Especially not with the food. Could have just told us no, though. He didn't have to be rude. You see her with the green dress. She talked to me at the bar. I miss the Arctic Monkeys.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
And there's this push to just get it out there and sell it and have your name be the one that's like, this building is powered by... It becomes a big plot point that they try to say that each other's technology is fatal. It's dangerous.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
You touch a doorknob in a house that's powered by Edison's electricity, and you run the possibility of being electrocuted to death because it's just that unbridled. versus, you know, the other one is safer. And then they kept trying to go back and forth, back and forth.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
Edison does this demonstration where he electrocutes a horse, and he tries to prove that it's a humane death, you know, that the horse didn't even fucking feel anything. Then, of course, because human invention always has to turn evil, which that's a statement in and of itself that I could dive into at a different time.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
Because when a science is discovered or an invention is like ready to be presented for whatever reason, I don't know why I've talked about this before, but I feel like I have. The science itself is not inherently good or evil. It's just science. It's just nature. When it's placed in the hands of the wrong people, that's when there's the sort of ethical code, right?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
Oh, the technology depends on who owns it. So you see it go from the light bulb to the electric chair. The electric chair is introduced. This shit is so interesting to me, but it's like the movie was, it wasn't very well received. I enjoyed it. Benedict Cumberbatch is in it. He played Sherlock in it, which is fine. They're like, we need a quirky, smart white guy. He was like, I know just a guy.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
His name is Sherlock Holmes. I'm going to play him. I enjoyed it, though, because I liked Sherlock. It's this sort of ethical dilemma of, I have discovered this technology, and I say that in quotes because Edison probably didn't, right? It's just his name attached to it. And other scientists were working on it at the same time.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
He was just the first one to kind of be like, and then I introduced the light bulb. The electric chair is this dilemma, ethical dilemma of, is this how I want my technology to be used?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
And when the government or a private company is offering you millions of dollars to use your technology, have your name on it, or not have your name on it, but you still get paid for their use of the technology, is that worth it? How does that sit with you as someone who's created this beautiful thing to give light, to literally bring light to the darkness? How do you sit with that?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
And so that's a big plot point that was kind of tea. And of course, they end up creating the electric chair and it goes horribly wrong. Like the first ever humane death that they use on a murderer. It was someone who killed his wife, I think, is what the plot line in this movie is. I don't know if that's historically accurate. They go, we're going to privately kill.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
execute this man, capital punishment, by electric chair, death by electric chair. And they do it. And Edison promises it's going to be humane. It's going to be quick. You know, you put the little probes on the temple, you strap them into the chair. They show the selection process of finding a chair with the right conductive materials and this and that, whatever. They assemble it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
75: George Orwell & Dragons
They said it was one of the most gruesome deaths imaginable. First, it was the smell, burning skin, burning hair. Then it was the screaming because the wattage was not enough to kill him. They were just torturing him. It was a torture chair. And after that, it became this thing that Edison's name was attached to it. It was kind of tea. Like, this movie was tea. All the while...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
Your skin and hair will thank you. Here's some stuff I've been loving lately. Okay, I'm just gonna, this is a random list that I've thrown together. Brother, I need to talk about this on the podcast. Here it is. Halfeti by Penhaligon's. That is my scent of choice right now. It is my favorite perfume. I wear it every single day. I'm addicted to it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
I think it's, I say this, but this is gonna change in the next 72 hours probably. It's my signature scent right now, right now. Because sometimes I get a whiff of it and I'm like, this is too mature for me. And then some days I'm like, this is me. This is fucking me to my core. I just gotta hear you took a screenshot of my soul. It can't be healthily by Penhaligon sometimes.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
Anyway, that's number one. Number two, yogurt-covered pretzels. I was with Stanley this last weekend. We were filming Royal Court, and he went into this dumbass children's candy shop. He's like, I want something sweet. Went in, got yogurt pretzels. I was driving. I said, can I have one of those? He's like, yeah. And now it's all I think about. Yogurt-covered pretzels, dude? I got a big tub.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
I went to the grocery store, got a big tub of them, ate half of them in a night, had diarrhea. Whatever. You can take the binge eating out of the binge eater, but hey, those tendencies are still going to whisper. They're going to come and tuck my hair behind my ear. You know what I mean?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
I had to hang up the proverbial robe, hang up the fucking hat on the binge eating, but sometimes, hey, take that hat around the block for a spin. Don't listen to me. Don't listen to me. Number three, watermelon flavored things. Been loving that a lot lately. There's this electrolyte drink. I like this watermelon. It's pretty much it. I've just been loving some like watermelon liquid IV.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
Stutter one more time. Jimmy Peppers. Ermagerd Jimmy Peppers on my Jimmy Johns. Shut the fuck up, Jimmy Peppers ingredients. Jimmy Peppers are a sweet, mild fire engine red pepper variety, or Jimmy John's Jimmy Peppers, a hot cherry pepper mix used in their sandwiches. Hot cherry pepper mix? Hot cherry pepper mix? I hardly know her. Oh my god, I found my fucking people on Reddit.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
That's all I've been drinking lately. Next is flossing. Not the dance, not the backpack kid dance, just flossing in general. Been doing that a lot lately.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
I've been really into flossing. Some of you bitches really might want to get into it too.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
Can I just say really quick, the thought of waking up in the morning and leaving your home and not brushing your teeth is like, if you're a fan of mine, cut that shit out. If you're, we're not doing stinky broski nation ambassadors. Please guys, don't, we can't be the stinky fan base. Please wear deodorant and not that fucking aluminum free shit.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
Wear deodorant that works and please brush your teeth. I'm begging y'all. We can't be stinky. What was that joke that I was used to say to people who were like barricaded concerts? It's like y'all are in the no deodorant club. Y'all are in the let's raise my arms and not wear deodorant club. I don't remember what the tweet was, but we can't be doing that, guys. Please. Anyway, big into flossing.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
Big into French tips. Okay. And when I got these nails at first, I was like, I feel like. a 40 year old Southern mom of two boys. And one of them's not doing so great in school. The other one's trying to get, you know, he's like 16, 17. We're trying to get him noticed by colleges for either baseball or football, whatever he's playing. And he's like, just not there.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
Like, I'm really, I want my boys to be good. You know what I mean? But they're really struggling. They're feeling like, inferior. And it's on me as a mother to sort of coax them back to, you just have to believe in yourself and you can't let this stuff slip. Right? Because you're in high school right now. When you get to college, that's a different ballgame. You got to be your own boss.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
That's what these nails make me feel like, is I'm always in the car. I'm always on fucking Apple CarPlay. My husband's trying to call me. Don't call me, because we fought yesterday. And he's being stupid and oblivious, and I'm going to leave him. I'm going to leave my husband. Probably, I'm going to wait until the kids, I'll get them through. And also, I'm the breadwinner.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
My bitch-ass husband doesn't do shit. He sits at home all day. Because I married him because he was a creative, and now he hasn't done anything creative for the last 11 fucking years, okay? Anyway, I get my boys through high school. I get them through college. I divorce, I divorce my husband because I can't deal with it anymore. Right. Then I go on an eat, pray, love journey.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
Maybe I don't go to Bali. Maybe I go to like Argentina or something. Okay. Maybe I go figure myself out there, but I really see in an alternative life. That was me. And I had these nails and probably this hair as well. Sometimes when I think of deja vu, I think of it as like alternate timelines or parallel timelines.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
And when deja vu happens, I usually see it as like, okay, you're still on the right track. Like it's check marks of where you are, where you're supposed to be, you're doing things right. But sometimes I get deja vu and I'm like, it's because I had this same experience in my other life. You know what I mean? What are some common explanations of deja vu? Deja vu explained.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
Deja vu, meaning already seen in French. Now, see, I had no idea that's what that meant, which is making sense. The feeling of familiarity with a situation or experience that you know you've never encountered before. And while its exact cause is unknown, it's often linked to memory processing or subtle neurological events. I'm sweating. Hold on. I've got to take off my blouse.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
Let's go to clevelandhealthclinic.org. Deja vu, what it is and why it happens. You may not be a magician, but when you experience deja vu, your brain is creating an illusion. This is thought to happen when there's a bit of a miscommunication between two parts of your brain.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
Deja vu is caused by dysfunctional connections between the parts of your brain that play a role in memory recollection and familiarity. You have two temporal, here we fucking go. Okay, locking in. Just touchdown in science mode. You have two temporal lobes, one on each side of your head, right above your temples. They play an important role.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
And I just actually had a freak out because I'm not my body. I'm just, I'm this fucking pink matter, gray matter inside of this skull. And one day I will also be bones. I will be across bones and skull somewhere in the Paris catacombs. I just actually, hold on.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
Because I was going to have this freaking on this podcast anyway, because I'm reading Cersei right now and she's immortal and she is obsessed with mortals. Because obviously if you're immortal, again, why do I always talk about this dumb ass topic on this podcast? This should be called, okay.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
I found my community on Reddit. Did you know you can get a gallon of Jimmy John's spicy peppers for $20 and they're delicious on everything? Where the fuck do you buy this? You can get one pound of Mama Lil's, which are the same thing for a little cheaper. Now, Mama Lil's is what Alyssa's Magic uses. If y'all know my girl Alyssa on TikTok, she does the snack plate.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
Just started six sentences back to back. Didn't finish one of them. Here, I'm going to start and finish this one. I've been thinking a lot about death. Because what's new? I've been thinking a lot about death recently because Cersei is addicted to mortals. She loves them. And she finds them to be very...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
interesting and intriguing in how emotional they are, how weak they are, but at the same time so strong and how there's beauty in the imperfections. Because when you are surrounded by beautiful, immortal gods, goddesses, nymphs, Dryads, naiads, whatever the fuck. If beauty is the norm, then somewhere along that path, the roles become reversed, right?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
Hey guys, major heads up for this episode. I had a crazy sandwich from some local deli that I tried out, and I've been having, sorry, TMI, nonstop diarrhea for the last, give or take, five, six hours. Just up and down, up and down, back to the turlet, back to my bed, back to the turlet. You know what I mean?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
If that's all you see, then something off the beaten path or out of the norm is the new beautiful. So for her, when she sees marred skin or... sunburn or age lines or smile lines or scabs or calloused hands, she thinks it's the most beautiful thing in the world.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
And honestly, been freaking out a lot about this because as a kid, quote unquote I say, she's thousands of years old, as a child, when she first realized that mortals die, and not only do they die, but their lifespans are so short, she was like, Why is no one pitying them? Like, why is, how can this happen? Like, it's this very innocent, what do you mean they die? Because immortality is the norm.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
And I've just been thinking a lot about death recently because what the fuck? Hold on, let me read this. I underlined something because it made me fucking spiral. And if the real Broski Nation comrades remember, when I went on Mythical Kitchen's Last Meals podcast,
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
And me and Josh had bonded over, mythical chef Josh, had bonded over how death is our biggest fear because what do you mean it's just over? And also being raised religious and being ex-religious now, any sense of comfort or certainty that I had has been ripped from under me. The rug has been pulled. So now it really is me versus the darkness. It's me versus nothingness.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
And there is nothing, I don't know why I'm laughing. It's not funny. There's nothing comfortable. scarier to me genuinely than the great beyond, then this is it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
And while it fills me with a sense of optimism and I want to live my life to the fullest, the flip side of that coin is just eternal dread and a childlike fear of pain, of darkness, of loneliness, all of it kind of balls up into one big tumbleweed of anxiety and that's kind of what's going on in my head, so. Anyway, let me find this passage. Sorry. Here's a passage from Circe. Okay.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
It's on page 159. And I'm about to butcher these names. So just bear with me. Icarus, Daedalus, Ariadne, all gone to those dark fields where hands worked nothing but air, where feet no more touched the earth. If I had been there, I thought, but what would it have changed? It was true what Hermes said.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
She introduced me to those snack plates. Those damn snack plates. She'll cut up some Mama Lil's peppers and some pepperoncinis. Pepperoncini, pepperoncini, banana pepper. They're all the same thing, right? I love a damn banana pepper. Anyway, I am coming to you today to tell you that I have a fucking problem, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
Every moment morals died, by shipwreck and sword, by wild beasts and wild men, by illness, neglect, and age. It was their fate, as Prometheus had told me, the story that they all shared. No matter how vivid they were in life, no matter how brilliant, no matter the wonders they made, they came to dust and smoke.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
Meanwhile, every petty and useless god would go on sucking down the bright air until the stars went dark. I just kind of read that and I had to close the book. And honestly, the episode that I did when I came back from the Paris catacombs where I was like truly having a freak out spiral, reading this book, I'm finding myself back down in the catacombs and that just wash over me of this cannot be.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
it's like an incredulous disbelief of this cannot be me one day. Like the catacombs is such a visceral experience. You are face to face with death. These skulls and human bones are not behind wire. They're not behind net. You can go up and touch it. Don't, don't do that. But it's that close. And it's on eye level. And it is a human person's skull. And I just, it made me freak out.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
I don't know what makes me freak out more actually. The fact that it'll end or the fact that this is all I get or life is so fragile. Like you could die before you're meant to, or the oblivion of it all like death is loneliness. And that's why it's so important during life to, to bask in the comfort and love of your own presence.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
Up here, and in the end, this is dark, and I don't know if I really agree with this, but you are all that you have in your mind. That's why dementia scares the fuck out of me. Anyway, here's where I was going with this, okay? I want to look up... both on this podcast and in my free time, what is the solution to that spiral of thinking?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
Because it's not a fun one to go down, and I don't find myself following the spiral often, but it does hit me, especially with books like this, where I'm like, fucking hell. Also, the story being told from an immortal's point of view is like, it's not necessarily preferable to being mortal, so just throw that out there, but...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
I want to know a metaphorical salve or a serum to quell those thoughts when they start or some form of just comfort and outside the bounds of religion. I know the simple answer is, oh, just believe in God, believe in eternal life. You know, find your way to any of these prophetic deities and confess your loyalty and your whatever and promise to do, okay, now what?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
And I also need you to know that this is the third piece of media that I have talked about Jimmy John's on this week. We just filmed a bunch of Royal Court episodes. I brought it up in at least two of them. And at least two episodes, I'm like, you know about Jimmy John's. I made it in a TikTok, Jimmy John's. Just now, Jimmy John's. Fuck off! I'm not even, like, being paid.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
It's also one of those things where I don't really believe it as I'm saying it because I'm saying it for a selfish purpose. And that is what my issue with Christianity was. From the moment that I was acquainted with the idea of baptism or of salvation, it was from a purely selfish point of view.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
When I told y'all that story, my pastor said, if you're not for sure, if you died tonight, you're going to heaven. Put your fucking hand in the air. And I said, well, hell girl, I'm 11. You know what I mean? That was bred out of a sense of helplessness and selfish worry for my own soul. Not because I believe that Jesus is the light in the way and the this and that and the whatever.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
That's the disconnect. And I feel like the puzzle pieces never really fit together for me. And I'm struggling for that to find... and keep that sense of certainty and security that I used to have. And also the validation of a church community telling you you're doing everything right. You are not alone. He walks beside you. All these things where you're getting positive echo chamber feedback
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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from people who believe the same or would like to believe the same for themselves. And it helps with the delusion, but being so far removed from the church, I have none of that now. And I don't miss the church, but this solitary solitude, it's too much sometimes. This episode is sponsored by SeatGeek. Y'all know I'm going to the Cowboy Carter tour. Don't even play around.
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You know I'm gonna be there. Which is why I wanna give the sponsor of today's video, SeatGeek, a huge shout out. With over 28 million downloads, SeatGeek is the number one rated ticketing app. There's more than 70,000 events listed on SeatGeek, including concerts, sports, festivals, and more.
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There are so many artists going on tour this summer, like The Weeknd, Beyonce, Kendrick Lamar and SZA, Post Malone, Tyler, the Creator, Sabrina Carpenter, etc. I love using SeatGeek because it is easy to use. I love using SeatGeek because SeatGeek has your back. Each ticket is rated on a scale of 1 to 10, so you know you're getting a good deal. So look for the green dots.
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Green means good, red means bad. Plus, every ticket is backed by their buyer guarantee. And y'all know I got a code. You can use code BROSKI2025 for 10% off your next set of tickets at SeatGeek. That's 10% off tickets with promo code BROSKI2025. Make sure you click the link in the description to download the app and have the code automatically added to your account so you can use it later.
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Thanks, SeatGeek! So here's what I want to Google. how to get over a fear of death. We're getting to it, guys. Thanatophobia. There's a fucking name for it. Also, why does that sound like Thanatos? I'm on my Greek mythology shit right now, girl. Hold on, because I'm powered through Song of Achilles. I'm doing Circe. Next, I'm going to finish Clytemnestra.
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Then I'm going to do the Daughters of the fucking whatever. Daughters of the Wolves. Wolves' Den. Daughters of the Wolves' Den. Then I'm going to do the Odyssey. Then I'm going to do the Iliad. No, I'm going to do the Iliad, then the Odyssey. Which is the first one? No, you start with the Iliad, because the Iliad is the Trojan War, and the Odyssey is Odysseus' journey home after the Trojan War.
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Jimmy John's, you want to sponsor this podcast? You let me know. Because I'm doing free promo, free press. Damn. I love Jimmy. James Jonathan. Okay. Guys, welcome back. Okay?
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Okay, so... Anyway, I'm on my Greek mythology shit right now. And you know what I love about Madeline Miller? She introduces you to all of these names, whether you've heard them before, whether you just know that, like, we just got introduced to the Minotaur in this book. And I'm like, oh, I know the Minotaur. It's like half man, half bull.
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And then you hear of the origin of, like, how he came to be and how the Minotaur was defeated and... the significance of monsters to the Greek gods and goddesses and how it was a form of creating heroes. You can't have heroes without monsters to kill or to best or to conquer. So it's all a game.
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And what I, I was talking to Stanley about this the other day too, because what is so intriguing to me about Greek gods versus Norse gods versus any of these mythologies that have lasted for thousands of years, is that they're quite cruel. The gods are cruel and there's no balance of fairness or love. They're not motivated by love or hate. They're motivated by power.
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And that is such an interesting, you know what I mean? And the Norse gods are fucking cruel. Look that up too. Well, actually, what were we saying? Stanley said, that the Norse gods were cruel and the Greek gods and goddesses were motivated by ego, which all of them are. It's just a power play. I mean, they're all under the same umbrella of just you have power and you want to keep it.
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But I think that's what he said. And I need to I need to lock the fuck into all this ego versus Norse gods cruelty. OK, I need to lock the fuck into this. Not here, because I'm I'm reading too deep. Thank you.
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And for the girls who are like, Um, queen, quit fucking around. Drop the album. Um, when's the single coming?
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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
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It's fucking out. I hope you bitches are hungry. I hope you bitches are hungry. Eat. Come get y'all juice. It's here. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, I went ahead and actually had released a single. I had released an original piece of music. So if anyone gives a shit, also there, that's an inside joke between me and my friends.
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We'll say, they'll be like, oh my God, how was your meeting? How was whatever? I'll be like, it was great. But you know, like you give a shit. Actually, that's my friend Channing's bit. It's my friend Channing and Tristan's bit. And I kind of had poached it from him. I stole it from him. They all be like, well, Brittany, we know you don't give a shit, but last night went great.
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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. As you'll swiftly appreciate, there is an intractable contradiction right at the center of this first actionable item. You cannot imagine what it would be like to be dead because death is an absence of existence. There is literally nothing to imagine because nothingness itself cannot be imagined.
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Like, I didn't ever say I don't care.
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I dropped a single. Like, y'all give a fuck. No one gives a fuck. It's a joke, okay? Okay, let's talk about it, because I feel like I've been talking about it nonstop, but not to my people, not to the people that actually matter to me. Y'all, you know what I mean? Broski Nation... This single has been a labor of love, and I feel that it embodies the core, the heart of what I am introducing you to.
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This isn't helping! There is no perspective, no view from nothingness, nothing to which it can be approximated. So that is the first recommendation. Realize that being dead isn't an experience. Death itself isn't really a thing at all. In Epicurus' words, death is nothing to us. To drive the point home, let's turn to the Roman poet Lucretius.
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He was a saltier and more ironic Epicurean of a later generation, the first century BCE, whose unexampled poem, On the Nature of Things, fell afoul of early Christians because of its crypto-atheism.
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In the poem, Lucretius proposes an idea, later termed the symmetry argument, that hints at the second thing you should do to overcome the fear of death, which is try to recall what it was like before you were born. Okay, I can't do that. I was baby. I don't remember. Okay, Lucretius, that's stupid as fuck. I don't remember.
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Not how the world was, which is the task of historical imagination, but what it was like to be you before you were created. You'll discover that prenatal existence isn't something that can be thought about, much less experienced. The symmetrical part of the argument, of course, is that you have the very same difficulty in imagining what it is like to be dead. Okay, but here's my thing.
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I've already got notes and I've got questions and I've got commentary. That does scare me of like there being nothing before and nothing after. And it makes the miracle of life that much more of a confusing, confounding miracle that like against all odds, I should not be here. You should not be here. We should not be here. Yet life prevails. Beauty prevails.
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But at the same time, pain and suffering prevail. So what's that fucking quote? Is it better not to have lived? Is it better to have lived than not to have lived at all? Is it better to love than not to have loved at all? All those things wrap up in the same feeling of, obviously I'd much rather be alive. I think that's what freaks me the fuck out the most. I love being alive. I love life.
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I have a passion for life. Life is my number one special interest. And the fact that that could be taken from me is horrifying.
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I don't want it. I don't want it.
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Let's keep reading. Already cried once. We're not going to cry multiple times in the same episode, even though I've done it before. No doubt you don't fear your prenatal existence. So logically speaking, given their equivalence, it follows that you should fear death the exact same amount, as in not at all.
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And it's this delicate balance, right, where I don't want to come on here and be like, this song means this, and let's go through it lyric by lyric what I meant, because that takes away the fun. And I'm now understanding that, where when I was younger, or even by that I mean a year ago, I always want artists to come out and just tell me, right?
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Common sense tells us that our existence is but a brief crack of light between two eternities of darkness. This brings us to the third thing to do to calm your existential angst. Examine how much nothing, non-existence, can reasonably be feared. That is, are there any good reasons for your pending death to trigger the emotion of fear?
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It is reasonable to be fearful of things to the extent that those things can cause you harm. It was reasonable to be jittery about nukes during the Cold War era. It is reasonable to be scared that humanity is turning the globe into a sauna. And it is reasonable for your heart to launch as from a trebuchet into your throat when your partner says to you the words, we need to talk.
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These are all identifiable threats that foretell awful experiences. None of them would help us in our Epicurean goal of being happy, and so are reasonably feared. But death itself, not the process of dying, which is something different, doesn't seem to be the sort of thing that one can reasonably be fearful of because it isn't anything. It's not uncomfortable or hurtful to be dead.
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It's not as if you're being deprived of life or of more contented years because, again, you simply aren't there to be deprived in the first place. For you, there's nowhere to locate the harm of being dead, since being dead is in a state of being. It's not something that, strictly speaking, happens to you, and so it can't be harmful. No one would say St. Francis of Assisi is more dead than Pancra.
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The Epicurean argument against the fear of death concerns only your own self and its dissolution. When I think through these steps, I find that their efficacy is largely dependent upon my mood. I like the idea of being able to intellectualize away the fear of death, as if merely thinking philosophical thoughts would be enough to give me courage.
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And when I'm particularly despondent or detached from the world, perhaps there are glimmers of comfort from the argument that death is nothing. But commonly, this line of thinking doesn't completely allay the fear of death.
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Epicurus recognized this his argument by itself isn't strong enough to completely release us from the dread of a terminal existence I doubt that anything is or rather I wouldn't trust anything that truly and fully did free one from fear of death there are certain brands of fanaticism for instance that appear to do just this with obviously horrific results and by that he's probably talking about like cults like Heaven's Gate or David Koresh or whatever
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But as the contemporary philosopher James Warren emphasizes, Epicurus' argument should be borne in mind as part of a cognitive therapy for dealing with one's own life. It can have its fruits. It can lighten a little the fear of death, which in turn can subtly augment your enjoyment of life. And that is, on the whole, one of the great purposes of being here in the first place.
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Okay, so he says, enjoy your own fleeting time on Earth. This is the final paragraph, and I think there's something here. Without death, life would be nothing but a dire repetition, pointless and endless. Immeasurably long lives would eventually deflate into the most banal tedium. Millennia upon millennia upon millennia would have to be lived out, and even then, there would be an eternity to go.
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Eventually, the most sublime and wondrous experiences possible would become punishing in their drab familiarity. Fortunately, this isn't a possibility that need concern us too much, but confronting the alternative to death brings home the point. No matter how terrifying it might be, the fact of death makes life more brilliant and precious. The time we have together in this place is fleeting.
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When Florence Welch sits down to write a song and it's packed with all this imagery and it's a clear reference to something, but I feel like I'm not quite getting it, but I'm getting it in my own way, that's the point, right? If she was to come on and be like, this is what this line means and do it line by line by line, it ruins the mystique, it ruins the ambiguity of what that art is.
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Let's spend it well. What the fuck? The time we have together in this place is fleeting. Let's spend it well. What the fuck? Okay!
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Fine! Fine, I'll enjoy my life. Fine, I'll enjoy my life and find the whimsy in the finite. Fine, I'll go there. Oh, dude. Okay. I don't know if that helped, but it definitely offered some perspective. Shout out Epicurious, I guess. Epicurious. I don't know why I'm adding an extra yes in it. I think all this shit is so interesting, but it's also so much. It's so heavy.
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It's just, okay, one of those days. I'm having one of those freaking days.
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But look, if my brain's going to take me there anyway, I might as well read about it and learn about it. You know what I mean? Let's do the songs of the week. Let's just, let's move on. Thanks for going there with me, team. Thanks for, sorry, if you had to click off, I understand. If you're still here with me, shout out. Shout out, you're a brave soldier. Here are my songs of the week.
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Exile by Saint Levant. Get into St. Lavant, bitch. Palestinian rapper and singer-songwriter. I'm into it. And is he hot? Yeah. I've been getting a lot of clips of his live shows, and I'm like, damn. Hey, hey. Nuts. And I get clips of his interviews, too. He's just a charmer. He is a charming young gentleman. That's number one. Adventure of a Lifetime by Coldplay. I love that song.
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Every time it comes on shuffle, I'm like, oh, greatest song ever made? Shut up, turn it up. That one and Paradise by Coldplay. Two of the best songs ever written. Ever, ever made. And then the last two are...
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hosier songs y'all fucking hate me y'all hate me y'all hate every time I talk about hosier you hate every time I talk about Florence and the Machine you want to kill me but I won't stop I won't stop and you know I'm still trying to figure out what my hosier tattoo is gonna be but it's one of those things where you know like I love the Rolling Stones I love Rosalia whatever those to me are very clearly identifiable things like for Rosalia Motomami that was a no-brainer I had to get Motomami on my on my sleeve
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Rolling Stones, the lips, duh, that's it. For Hosier, I have, what I've been like waiting on is I have yet to find a piece of art to me that is like, that embodies the way he makes me feel. That this embodies his body of work. This embodies what he signifies to me. And the layers of, down to the core of my being that he's impacted me on.
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There's no singular line of a lyric or an album artwork or his logo that would mean that. So I've been struggling to find the perfect one. I almost got a tattoo when Harry's House came out of... What song is it? Is it Keep Driving or is it... No, it's Grape Juice. It's Grape Juice when he says... sitting in the garden I'm a couple glasses in.
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That coincided with a lyric from a Beatles song that I've always wanted to get tattooed, which is sitting in an English garden waiting for the rain. And I was like, they're both English gardens. And I'm addicted to that concept of This little... There's something very whimsical about an English garden. You think about like Peter Rabbit or... What's that? Isn't it called The Secret Garden?
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Yeah, The Secret Garden. And then... Is Johnny Depp in it? Neverland? Neverland. I think that's the name of the movie, Neverland. There's something very wimps, and it also brings me back to my childhood of just being outside. Imagine me playing outside. I did used to, but I used to, I was acting, okay? I was using it as a backdrop.
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And while I think that there's a balance between speaking to the inspirations and the sentiment that informs the song, the specifics of the lyricism, I really offer that up to y'all. You know what I mean? And I already saw... Y'all are just, I just love you guys. Like you're picking up on things that I don't have to tell you, you know? And it's really nice. It's really validating.
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I was not on my knees in the mud, digging up worms and shit like that. I was like, obviously this scene would take place in the forest. That's what I was doing. So the scene that I'm directing, okay, lean against this tree. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And then you're going to be holding this sort of stem.
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You're going to be playing with it just as a sort of fixation of the hands while you're speaking. That's more so what I was doing. But when it comes to this idea of an English garden, it's something in my mind that should not exist. And therefore, it's a portal to somewhere a bit more mystical. Because the English countryside is so... It's just got this... ethereal nature to it, I think.
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So, in English Garden, the fact that two of my favorite artists have a similar line, I'm gonna get that eventually one day. Like, that's a no-brainer, and that's also an homage, homage, homage to those songs, because I love them. But yeah, for Hosea, it's just difficult for me to try to pinpoint one song or one, because they're all so fucking good. You're spoiled for choice.
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And it's hard to say which ones impacted me more than another, because that's just, it's not how it works with his discography. So I'll keep you all updated on that. Anyway. Oh, the Hosier songs that I'm addicted to right now are Anything But from Unreal on Earth and Shrike from Wasteland Baby. Damn. That is an album I keep coming back to. I keep coming back to it because it's a work of art.
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Shrike. Shrike. And that song is about a, he describes it, but it's about a predatory bird. It's about a bird of prey that's very cute and tiny. And it like impales its meals above its house. It's like in a cactus or something. I don't know. It's like a very nefarious bird. And he writes around this concept of a bird. something so gentle and sweet being a predator.
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Um, so yeah, I love that song and it's been on repeat lately for no reason. I just keep coming back to it. Okay, I think that'll do it for me this week. Go listen to The Sun by Brittany Broski, if you care. If y'all even give a shit. And then, if you want a Moomoo, go to broski.shop. And Broski Report merch. We've got that shit on. She's got that shit on, though.
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And subscribe to this YouTube channel. Rate me five stars, please, on Spotify and Apple Music. I haven't asked y'all to do that in a long time, because I honestly forgot. I've been forgetting. So... No pressure. Love you guys a lot. I really, really do. Thank you for letting me do this job. Thank you for letting me do this job.
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It is crazy to think that I ever was doing anything else because this is just... It's it. No, but I mean it. This is... the happiest I've ever been. And it is the most fulfilled I've ever been. And it's the most connected to a community I've ever felt. And I'm just infinite. There are no words. There are no words. The best I can give you is myself, you know, as a form of thanks.
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I'm going to keep leveling up and I'm going to keep creating because that's what I have to give you in exchange for your love. So. I just, I'm so grateful. And I don't say it enough. Okay, team, with that, fuck off. And I'll see you next week. Bye-bye.
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But the most validating thing about it is it is done. It's done. And the people that I want to have it, it's yours. You know what I mean? Like broski nation, my fucking people, my municipality, city, state. Do we have clean water? No. Do we have healthcare? No. Do we have fresh crops? No. But do we have a fucking single? Yeah, and y'all are getting fed regardless.
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It's so good, though. I don't know what was on this damn sandwich. It was because everything in life for me, I'm just trying to chase the high of Jimmy John's Italian nightclub. And I try to recreate it in other sandwich shops. And I just I don't come close. You know what I mean? But I can't. There was. And if I'm allowed to bare my soul, there was a string of days. Can't remember when. Oh, yeah.
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And you're getting fed again soon, okay? So keep those baby bird mouths open. But here's the sort of thing, right? The Sun, the single, wrote that song about a year ago. And I came in just like with a heaviness on me the day that we wrote it. And I was in the room with my co-writers, Sissy and Emily and my producer, Luke.
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And we talked for half of the session because I was just like, this has been my experience with this fucking dude that's like, It extends so much farther beyond just like this one interaction with a man though. Because while that solidified my feeling in that moment, zooming out a bit, it's like he wasn't the first one to make me feel like that. And this goes so much farther beyond him.
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He was just the catalyst, I guess, for this final like nail in the coffin. But it's this larger feeling that I've felt my whole life of...
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People have told me, and I've bonded about this with some of my friends that have lived a similar thing, when you are a confident, loud, unapologetic person, I don't even want to say woman, when you are someone who knows themselves so clearly, that is very scary for some people. And it's not just men.
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Direct from the Broski Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California, this is the Broski Report with your host, Brittany Broski.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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It's some people cannot stand to stand next to your glow or be in the light of your glow without feeling a compulsion to dampen that light. or to dull it, or to make you feel less. And most often in my life, that's come at the hands of men, the words of men. I would say it's not a unique sentiment to men only that have made me feel that way, if you catch my drift. So when that happens, and when
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you realize you're surrounded by people that it feels want to change you or want you to be less because what you are is too much for them. And what I've come to realize is that's in a positive way for me, I'm too much for you because you can't handle me because you are not up to par with me. There's nothing wrong with me, okay? I say this every single episode where
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There is community in this feeling of being off the beaten path when it comes to relationships or intelligence or interests or creativity or just who you are as a person. Feeling misunderstood or feeling like you never really were in the same realm on the same planet as other people. I felt that way a lot as a teenager. where it's like, I found my community online.
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And that's why I am the way that I am. The internet raised me. And it also raised all of you. And there's a community in that. And what used to feel so lonely now is brimming with life. Anyway, so the sun is written from that sort of perspective of being told you need to be less, you're too good for me, but at the same time, what does that mean? What does that mean I'm too good for you?
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Last week when I ordered Jimmy John's four days in a row. I had Jimmy John's four days in a row and I don't feel good about it. I don't feel proud or happy to say that. If you're my doctor and you're listening, no, I did not order Jimmy John's four days in a row. I had some whole meals. Think green, leafy greens, baby butter, Jim lettuce, lots of protein, very low fat diet.
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Because the only logical conclusion I can pull from that statement is that I need to be less. Is that gonna make you want me? I'll be less. Fine, I'll be mess. I've talked about this before of that fucking lyric from Lemonade by Beyonce when she recites that poetry where she says, I've looked it up before. Hold on, let me find it.
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Girl, this gives me chills every time I fucking read it.
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Okay, this is anger. This is from anger. So I think this is right before Don't Hurt Yourself. I think it's right before don't hurt yourself on lemonade. Okay, here we go. If this is what you truly want, I can wear her skin over mine, her hair over mine, her hands as gloves, her teeth as confetti, her scalp a cap, her sternum my bedazzled cane. We can pose for a photograph, all three of us.
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Immortalized. You and your perfect girl. I have chills. Can you zoom in on that? I have chills all over my body. I don't know when love became elusive. What I know is no one I know has it. My father's arms around my mother's neck, fruit too ripe to eat. I think of lovers as trees, growing to and from one another, searching for the same light. Why can't you see me? Why can't you see me?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
Why can't you see me? Everyone else can.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
I have chills all over my body! What the fuck? What the fuck, Beyonce? Shit!
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
That never gets old. This is, in a roundabout way, the sun is everything in this poem and more. Because it's this feeling not only of, in a romantic sense, what do you mean I'm too good for you? But in life. Friendships, opportunities, jobs, anything. It's like some people just can't handle you. And that is okay because they're not meant to.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
And when you find the people that do and can and they can keep up with you and they sharpen your knife and you sharpen theirs, it is incredible. So yeah, the sun to me is that. And I know it's not a unique experience, so I hope you enjoy it and it's finally yours to have. And more music coming very soon. So I need y'all to sit with it for a moment though, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
I feel like I've bombarded you, okay? We're doing Adore You, we did The Sun, we've got the video, the visualizers doing all this fucking bullshit, whatever. Enjoy it because the storm is coming. The storm is coming, girl. But yeah, so just need to talk about that, that's out of the way. Here's some stuff to completely pivot. This episode is sponsored by ZocDoc.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
Bad date stories are always good for a laugh, and it almost feels like it's a rite of passage. But bad doctor appointments? Not so much, queen. Whether it's a doctor who rushed your appointment, belittled your symptoms, or hit you with a surprise bill, you shouldn't have to settle for mediocre care. But now, thanks to ZocDoc, you don't have to. You've got options.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high-quality in-network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment. We're talking about booking in-network appointments with more than 100,000 doctors across every specialty, from mental health to dental health, primary care to urgent care, and more.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
You can filter for doctors who take your insurance, are located nearby, and are a good fit for any medical needs you might have. Also, with hundreds of verified patient reviews, you can find the type of care and support you're looking for, from good bedside manner to fast wait times to doctors with the best listening skills.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
Once you find the right doctor, you can see their actual appointment openings. Choose a time slot that works for you and click to instantly book a visit. Appointments made through ZocDoc also happen fast, typically within just 24 to 72 hours of booking. You can even score same-day appointments.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
That's actually what I was eating. Now, if you're not my doctor, I need you to know that I had Jimmy John's four days in a row. Yeah, Jimmy Johns. And those damn Jimmy Peppers are so damn good. What do they put in them? What are Jimmy Peppers? I see that on the fucking modifications. Add Jimmy Peppers. Yeah, add as many Jimmy Peppers as you possibly can. Stutter one more time.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I use ZocDoc to find my dermatologist, and for a big pink whitey like me, you can never be too cautious about moles and freckles. He keeps me in line. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash broski to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash broski. ZocDoc.com slash broski. This episode is sponsored by Blissy.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
Longtime fans of the podcast know I'm a Blissy enthusiast. I thrash around like a caged beast at night when I sleep. And switching from a cotton pillowcase to a Blissy silk pillowcase has saved my hair from turning into a rat's nest and breaking off and being matted with sweat. Blissy silk is better than satin, which is made from synthetics, and it's rough on hair and skin.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
It's also cheap for a reason. See healthier skin and hair in weeks. Blissy eliminates frizz, preserves hairstyles, and protects color-treated hair. It's dermatologist-tested and recommended, and it's clinically proven to not clog pores, unlike cotton. And this is because cotton absorbs moisture. Silk keeps the moisture in your face and hair.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
It's naturally hydrating, antibacterial, and hypoallergenic. It's naturally cooling and breathable for all my sweaters out there. It promotes better sleep and it's easy to care for. It's machine washable with zippers. Over 70 colors are now available, including a new Wicked and Harry Potter line. Blissey was voted the most loved gift of 2024.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
90: Mortality & Deli Sandwiches
It was featured on Live with Kelly and Mark, The View, Oprah Daily, and Good Morning America, with over 3 million sold. Now, because you're a listener, Blissy is offering 60 nights risk-free plus an additional 30% off when you shop at blissy.com slash broski report. That's B-L-I-S-S-Y dot com slash broski report. And use code broski report to get an additional 30% off.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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It feels like the one social media that doesn't have, it's not inundated with ads, and I can connect with my friends. Goodreads, please, if you are listening, do not sell out. I'm begging you on my bended knee. Anyway, I really enjoy Goodreads because on top of reading what other people have to say, it's hard. My brain has 100 different tabs open right now.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I've been seeing a lot of discourse about You know, this idea of rating and ranking books on a five-star basis and how limiting that is to sort of categorize the purpose and importance of books and what they represent to each person by making it a popularity contest and only giving five stars, not even half, not even 0.5.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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option to rate these books and how kind of unfair it is to the author and to the collective human history, human archives, like knowledge, to give the rating process a bit more grace. You know what I mean? Anyway, that's something I've been really tapped into is that whole discourse because I agree. I think that in a lot of ways, as much as I love Goodreads, it is changing the way we think about
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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literature and how we view how truly written word and novels and books are the collective history that humans have. Arguably, it's all we have because who knows the longevity and the dependability of things like servers or even this topic of TikTok being banned. It's like,
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Everyone should save their videos now, save your drafts, like things like this, that we don't know where these videos will go. We know that they're stored, but do we have access to that? And what does that really mean? I just, you know, the tangibility of having something in your hand that is as precious as a book that has been beloved for decades.
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centuries even, some works where they continue to stand the test of time like Shakespeare or, you know, Victorian literature. It's like these things are so much more important than just a story. It is a telling of what humanity is and what it's been through and how we've come here and how certain people predicted that we'd be here. It's so interesting.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Now, I just want to disclaim this episode by saying I know my bangs are really fucking thin and I'm self-conscious about it, okay? It's called having PCOS and it's called I think I'm going fucking bald. Also, it's called I've been dyeing my hair since I was in the seventh grade. Fuck you! If anyone wants to comment about my stringy bangs, you're going to have to talk to officer and sheriff.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And we're doomed to repeat the cycle of history if we don't read. I mean, I've been reading – I don't want to freak myself out, but a lot of these dystopian novels and how authors from the 30s and 40s who lived through World War I and World War II and eventually the Korean War, the Vietnam War, all of these things influence how you see the world. And I feel very lucky, knock on fucking wood –
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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To not have lived through an active war zone, in America at least, where there's bombs falling and, you know, to fear for my life and my family every day. I mean, we have plenty of disaster in this country, don't get me wrong. Enough things to have intense and overwhelming anxiety about. But an active war zone, my God. And so to hear from people like Orwell,
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who lived under the British Empire and was an active, outspoken opponent of the empire, as a British citizen himself, you know, these things, I want to listen. And I've talked recently about how reading Orwell's works, it's like, it was very weird for me because the way that he writes...
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is the way that, and this, again, sounds so pretentious, it's the way that I journal, or it's the way that I put my thoughts down. And it was very strange to read it and be like, this voice is so familiar, and he's been dead for decades. And to have it still carry on in a way that is so almost... disturbingly applicable to today.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And so all that to say, I felt that way as well reading Fahrenheit 451. This is not groundbreaking news, me saying, oh, these books are still relatable. Yeah, that's the fucking point of like reading the classics, right? And if you even want to call Fahrenheit 451 a classic, I was reading a lot of criticism about Ray Bradbury's works and how, you know, it's a bit limited, but the message is there.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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The story probably wasn't as developed as it could be and how a lot of these authors, I told you all last time, steal from other authors, right? And this has been a plague that's been in the literary community for however long. I mean, you will always be inspired by other people, and you will steal from other people. We've seen it happen so many times.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Like, we know that authors steal from each other. It doesn't make it okay, but it's a known phenomenon. And it really sucks as a reader to read a book and be like, God, this is genius. I really loved it. And then come to find out he stole it from a Russian author. It's like, fuck! Anyway, I want to read you my review of Fahrenheit 451. I really enjoyed it, and it opened my eyes.
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So for reference, this said that this is rated as a 3.96 on Fahrenheit 451. 2.5 million ratings. And who's to say also, you know, I always think about this with apps like this and things like Spotify, Apple Music. We equate cultural relevancy and cultural significance with these numbers on these apps. Oh, they're the most streamed. Oh, this is one of the most rated. Oh, this is the best rated.
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And it's like, how is that truly an example of the sort of collective opinion? I don't think it is. You can manipulate numbers. You can manipulate streams. Some of these things are not genuine. I mean, like the cultural impact of... people like the Beatles or Elvis or Michael Jackson. I don't think that's reflected in Spotify stats. They are and will forever be some of the most famous people ever.
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Whitney Houston, Beyonce, these people that have changed the industry and how we view art. And their art shaped the world. Like, I don't think that's enough to sum it up in streaming numbers or albums sold. It's so much more than that. And so I want to take that mentality into Goodreads, even Letterboxd, you know, things like that. Formulate your own opinions.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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That's my two manicured nails, two manicured fists, okay? I'm going to throw a punch and then start crying because I broke a nail. Anyway, officer and sheriff, shut the, that's not even funny. Like, it's not even funny. Because the thing about this podcast is I say a joke and then it's like, if it's not funny, it just stays.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And if art means something to you, don't let numbers or outside influences take that away. If it means something very special to you, that's what it is for. It was successful in its endeavor. I also, there's so much I want to talk about. This episode is going to be an hour and a half long.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I have been reading a lot about this lately, which I agree with too, of art is not to be made for consumption. Art is for the artist. It is a means of expression. It's how to interpret and translate the world. It is that artist's translation of what they're feeling, what they experience and what they're feeling. And if that connects with another person, great, right? Art brings us together.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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But art is for the artist. until the artist passes, then it's for posterity. That's my opinion. And I really, I read that the other day and I was like, God, that's so fucking true. Because so much of what we see on social media, and I'm guilty of it too, right?
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Because of the job that I do and the crossroads that I find myself at culturally and time period wise, where everyone is trying to sell themselves as an art piece, as an artist, as something to admire, something to buy, something to believe. It's exhausting. And it takes away from, I think, the intrinsic feeling of art.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And when you walk through a museum or when you discover a new song and it's like, fuck, that's good. Damn, that's good. That really connects with me. That's the point. And it happens by accident. You should not be creating things with the intent that it's going to do well. Did I just make the song of the summer? Fuck you! That's not the point! Did you make a song that reveals your spirit?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Did you make a song that sums up your experience? Did you make a song from the soul? Did you write a song that means something to you? Or did you make a song with the intent to go viral? And don't fool yourself for a second into thinking that people don't see through the crock of shit. Oh, I'm fucking pissed off. Art is so important and it's been diluted into a product.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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What is this earth without art? For fucking sake, shit. I'm going to start a new bit where I create a Muppet version of myself. And when I start getting really angry, I'm going to go under the table and have a Muppet of me come up and be like, if anyone wants to make me a Muppet, I'll give you the PO box and you can send it to me. And I'm going to start doing anger management puppet hour.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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That's sort of like, you know, it's a time capsule for me in a year to look back and be like, oh, I hate myself, but I don't. I actually cut all that. Cut all that. I want to restart the episode. Hey guys, welcome back to the Broski Report. First of 2025. If you made it this far, God bless you.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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You bitches are ruining the sanctity of what art is. Okay, anyway. Here's my review of Fahrenheit for 51. Okay. Let me go ahead and read the description if none of y'all have read it. I'm sure you know it's about, you know, reading is outlawed. Books are banned, okay?
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It's this... Especially when you think about, you know, the Nazi book burning and all of these things where how truly can't think of anything scarier. than a higher power, the government, removing and censoring and outlawing the ability to read. The ability, the capability. What's the difference between ability and capability? Capability, the quality of being capable, capacity.
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His capability was unquestionable. The ability to undergo or be affected by a given treatment or action. Okay, what's the difference? Ability, power or capacity to do or act physically. Competence in an activity or occupation because of one's skill training. What's the fucking difference?
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Capability and ability have similar meanings, but capability is often associated with a particular competence or efficiency at a specific task. Capable, like are you capable of it? Not do you have the ability. Ability is more basic and often means the capacity to do something regardless of what. What the fuck does that mean? What? My brain just shut up.
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Ability is more basic and often means having the capacity to do something. Capability and ability have similar meanings, but capability is associated with a particular competence or efficiency. Okay. His cap- Okay. I'm going to admit that I do not understand. And we're going to move on. And I'm going to actually take away from this that they're sort of interchangeable. Okay, great.
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Okay, thank you. What was I just talking about? There's nothing scarier. There's nothing scarier than censorship in my mind. When the government tells you what you have access to and what you can and cannot believe. And so this book explores that in a dystopian future. I'll read you the description and then I'll read you my review, okay? It's a short read, by the way. It's like 150 pages.
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But the book that I got, half of it is the book and then half of it is... criticisms and context of the book when it was published in the 40s. And some opinion pieces or critiques, honestly, by other contemporary artists, contemporary authors like Margaret Atwood and people like that.
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And it was really fun to read their takes on it because Margaret Atwood created Handmaid's Tale, if I'm not smoking crack. Handmaid's Tale. Yeah, it's a book by Margaret Atwood. So these are people, obviously, who have dabbled in dystopian fiction and have their own opinions and beliefs on, based on what we're living through right now, what we're headed towards. And I really enjoyed that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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So here's the description. Guy Montag is a fireman. His job is to destroy the most illegal of commodities, the printed book, along with the houses in which they are hidden. Montag never questions the destruction and ruin his actions produce, returning each day to his bland life and wife, Mildred, who spends all day with her television family.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And look, let me just sort of spew some inspirational bullshit really quick before we get into some more inspirational bullshit, okay? Because I've been watching those Hope Corps videos y'all make, and that shit goes crazy, okay? That one of me ranting about there being shit in my E. coli and my baby carrots from Whole Foods.
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This is like an immersive room where all three walls and eventually all four walls, when they get the money to upgrade, will be screens. floor-to-ceiling screens. And it's an interactive television program where every morning or every week, they'll send you in the mail the script of this show. And you, as the viewer, are an active participant.
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So Mildred sits in her living room, watches the television, and it's a family unit, and she has a part. So she literally calls them the family. Hey, hate it. But it's not too far off because we think the Kardashians are like our family. We know them like they're our fucking family. It's literally such a commentation.
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When he meets an eccentric young neighbor, Clarice, she introduces him to a past where people didn't live in fear and to a present where one sees the world through the ideas in books instead of the mindless chatter of television. Montag begins to question everything he has ever known. Okay, so people are saying it was okay. It was more message than story. The setting was cool. Here's my review.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I gave it four stars because the message means a lot to me, obviously. This sort of stuff I'm hypersensitive to. If I were to go back and get my master's, which I will, I am going to get my master's, maybe two. One of them is going to be in Spanish. And one of them is going to be in this sort of shit, like a specialty in dystopian literature. I am addicted to it. I love it. I think it is so...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Impressive how these authors pretty much, give or take, predicted the future. They saw where we were headed and they wrote it. And maybe that sounds conspiracy theorist, but I think it's a feat of the imagination and a wherewithal of your surroundings and the context that you live in to recognize what's happening and be like, if we don't stop this, if we don't mitigate this,
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This disconnect between the government and Big Brother and us, I don't even think it's conspiracy theorists to say that. It's fascism. It's authoritarianism. It's scary. Anyway. I said, this book made me realize I have not taken advantage of the gift that is public libraries. So much information and knowledge at our fingertips for free in an age where everything is behind a paywall.
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And if you really think about this, and I saw this on TikTok as well, which part of me, I am very saddened, obviously, at the fact that TikTok will be banned, probably will be banned. So much access to information and people and cultures that I never would have known about, to be completely fucking honest. I've said that before. I never would have known about it.
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Yeah, you put it over some of that, like, ransom note text over a picture of some mountains. I'm crying. Because it's a reflection on the current state of the world. Oh, you can't even buy fresh produce. I'll be a fucking shit on it because you can't trust these factories and the man who's giving you food. They feed us their poison so they can sell us their medicine that makes us sick. Right?
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And it's a blessing in a lot of regards. But it's also a tool for misinformation and spreading hate and violence, as is anything. You know, the technology itself is neutral. It's the people who wield the technology that sort of determine its ethical code. Anyway, someone made a TikTok that I was like, fuck, it's so true. That was like... Think about it today.
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The funding and even the idea of something like a public library or a public park would never pass today. It would never pass. How sad is that? How fucking sad is that? It's true. So anyway, that was sort of what... That was on my mind as I was reading this as well of like these public welfare programs or...
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funding or having the faith that the government will fund these projects and they will open and be usable to the public. I don't have any of that faith today. I live in California. I don't have any faith in my government that the taxes I pay will go to people that need the help. So what's the option? I don't pay my taxes and I go to jail? Dystopian. Here's the rest of my review.
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I've been thinking about how interesting it is that at some point in time, maybe when I was finally out of school at 21, maybe eight months ago, I don't know, I had a complete change of opinion on the importance of reading.
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From a young student just trying to score well on a test using short-term memorization alone to adult me trying to drink up and permanently store the heart and essence of books like Fahrenheit 451 in my brain forever. I didn't take this type of reading seriously in lit classes and never stopped to question why certain books had been hand-selected for us to read and study.
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It's never too late to start reading critically, as long as you start. My favorite lines from the exiled Professor Granger, who Professor Granger—Guy, the fireman— eventually runs away from his job, from society. The police are chasing him. They're going to kill him because, you know, he recognizes the importance of reading and he wants to save the books, not burn them.
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And he's now a dangerous fugitive. He runs far enough away to the outskirts of the town where he finds an abandoned railroad. And along this railroad are exiled professors and academics.
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Which is such an interesting... Here, who used to be heralded as the pinnacle of academia and the humanitarian studies, essentially what it is to be human and studying the human condition, they've now been exiled as untouchables. How interesting. And so he finds a little... nomadic group of them around a fire, like a homeless group. And he watches them from afar.
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And then eventually one of them, who's a professor, says, we see you out there. You know, come join us. We won't hurt you. And he joins them and learns that each one of them was a professor at Oxford or Harvard or here or there, or he, you know, specialized in this and whatever. And here they all are. Look where that landed them. Because you can't—resistance starts in groups like that.
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And their task that they've taken upon themselves in the wake of these books being banned, the lifestyle of being an academic, has been outlawed. And they've taken it upon themselves to each memorize certain passages from certain works. It's fragmented. It's broken. It's not cohesive, but it's something. And together...
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They represent a lot of different disciplines, you know, whether that be old religious texts or the Odyssey, the Iliad, classic epics, stuff like that. Guy Montag, the main character, memorized something from the Bible. You know, it's these stories and these things that feel disjointed and like they have no meaning. But when you put it all together, it means everything.
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Whole Foods baby carrots. Okay. Guys, Happy New Year. Happy New Year for real. And I just want to take a quick moment to say, look how far we've come. Look how far you've come. And take a quick moment today to pat yourself on the back. Because look back on all the hardest days of your entire life. The hardest moments you've ever struggled through and been like, I cannot survive this.
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And so this was one of my favorite quotes from that exiled professor. You are not important. You're not anything. Someday, the load we carry with us may help someone. But even when we had the books on hand a long time ago, we didn't use what we got out of them. We're going to meet a lot of lonely people soon. And when they ask us what we're doing, you can say, we're remembering.
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This is another quote. Stuff your eyes with wonder. Live as if you drop dead in 10 seconds. See the world. It's more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories. The magic is only in what books say, how they stitch the patches of the universe together into one garment for us.
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The magic is only in what books say, how they stitched the patches of the universe together into one garment for us. I also loved and grimaced at the complete accurate prediction on Bradbury's behalf of a mindless, consumerist society incapable of saving itself from looming nuclear annihilation. This is another quote.
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Whirl man's mind around so fast under the pumping hands of publishers, exploiters, broadcasters, that the centrifuge flings off all unnecessary, time-wasting thought. And I said, I have to delete TikTok and Instagram. Free me! What an interesting time we find ourselves in where... I feel this way truly that social media has turned into a, uh, net negative.
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It used to be a net positive, I believe, and now it's a net negative, but we're shackled to it. I am shackled to it by my job. I love my job. I love what I do. It's sort of a necessary evil that I have to post on these platforms when I think that I would be a whole lot happier if I didn't have to go through the mental anguish of using these apps. And that's not to say I don't have fun.
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I have a lot of fucking fun on these apps. You know, I love TikTok and Instagram. You know, Instagram is now the new like Twitter for me, honestly. It's a way to connect with my friends and my like siblings and my cousins. But it's at the cost of everything else. The anxiety, the dread, the horror that I see every fucking day on these dystopian apps. Anyway, Fahrenheit 451. Read it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I think it's important. And in that vein, this year I read, as you all know, Animal Farm, 1984, The Bell Jar. Unrelated, but I read it anyway. And now Fahrenheit 451. I'm in the middle of Brave New World right now. And also, hold on before I get there. I have a lot on my to-be-read list. Classics like The Jungle by Sinclair and Grapes of Wrath and East of Eden. You know, a lot of John Steinbeck.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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A lot of things that I just... I never got around to reading. And I think also it's a maturity thing. When you're 22, you don't want to be at home reading the fucking Grapes of Wrath. Oh, you're the most insufferable person I've ever met. Oh, now you're going to talk to me about it at a party? I'm going to kill myself. Like, fuck you, girl. But man, I'm turning 28 this year. Oh my god! Oh my god!
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Ew! No, that's not ew. That's actually fun. Me convincing myself. It's fun. I love being 28. I love being 27. And I'm about to be 28. What a blessing. What a blessing and a privilege. 28's a cool age. I think that I'm at the time now in my life where those stories and those things mean a lot to me.
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And you fucking did. So... How about one of these? Okay, one of those little shitty inspirational messages. And now let's get into the real fucking tea. Let's get into the real mother tucking tea of 2025. Okay, 2025. You know, everyone talks about New Year's and like, New Year's resolution.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And I can recognize, you know, on an emotionally mature level, the significance of them and what I can learn from them. I've also saved a bunch of books like the Poisonwood Bible, which I've never read before. Some C.S. Lewis books. I've saved The Poppy War by R.F. Quang. I'm so excited to start some R.F. Quang books because I've had Babel on my shelf for years.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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When I was deep into my dark academia phase, The Secret History is my favorite book of all time. And around that time, I bought Babel. I just never started it. Babel? Babel. I'm going to eventually. And then on top of that, The Dragon Republic, which is the sequel to Poppy War. All those. And then The Invisible Man by H.G. Wells. Like, all these are just... They're just classic.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I've just never gotten around to them. Slaughterhouse-Five, Logan's Run, Catcher in the Rye. So... I'll update you guys on that. If you give a shit, I don't know, let me know because I like talking about it and I like talking about what I got from those books.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And if you never plan on reading them, if you have no interest, then at least let me be your exposure to them because they are important to know about. And as I'm taking on this task of educating myself, I think it's fun to share it. And I like to read y'all's comments on it. So that is that on that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Now, I want to talk about this other book I've been reading, which is called The House of Blood and Bane. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes. This book was pitched to me, you guessed it, on TikTok as a Peaky Blinders-inspired fantasy romance. Hey, my cock is hard. Okay. Hey, my PNAR is stood upright, okay? I'm locked the fuck in. I downloaded that bitch on Kindle immediately.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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$4.99, you bet your fucking ass. I bought that shit, finished it in two days. Yeah. Here's what I will say, okay? Wasn't, and I hate that this is about to come out of my mouth, recognize that I don't feel good saying this. It wasn't as smutty as I had wanted. And I saw that the author said that she did that on purpose because apparently it's gonna happen in the second book.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I don't know, we're gonna see because I'm locked the fuck in. I'm like 25% of the way through the second book right now. It was cute. It was cute. The Tommy Shelby of it all, love, okay? But she sort of did it as a, I just spit all over the desk.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
79: Broski Royal Ballet School Is Now Open
She wrote it as a rivals-to-lovers sort of thing, which wasn't very believable to me because Nico had it bad for her from the fucking beginning of the book, okay? Had it bad for that bitch. And so I'm like, I don't believe this rivals-to-lovers. I enjoyed it regardless. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed it. But marketing it as a rivals-to-lovers, hey, no, it's not. I did enjoy... Now, look, look!
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And that bullshit that, what's that, Jim, posted that was like, we don't accept new memberships on January 1st, you fucking bitch. It was this crazy tweet that one of those Jims posted that was like, we do not accept new memberships on January 1st because you fat bitches always, you stop coming, you fat fucking asshole. I was like, God damn.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I did enjoy... The, what's that called? Arranged marriage, marriage by necessity, that shit. I did enjoy that. Okay. Because guess what? I need him. And guess what? She's a bad bitch. And I like that. I like that. I like that. I enjoyed it. As soon as it was done, I was like, I'm ready to move on to the next one. It's that good. And it leaves you on a cliffhanger too. So you got it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And I know that bitch did it on purpose. Yup. So, I'm about a quarter of the way through the second one right now. I really like it. If you are on a reading hangover from any of those books like Akatar or Fourth Wing or, you know, any of those like fantasy, romance, da-da-da, this is a really cute one. It's a short, quick read. It gives you that hee-hee. It was really, really cute.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And now I'm rewatching Peaky Blinders. Why? What's wrong? I'm rewatching Peaky Blinders. Is that okay with everyone? Because that shit is good. That's one of my favorite TV shows probably ever. Peaky Blinders and Narcos, okay? I'm locked the fuck in. So I've been reading that. That was real, real cute. And hold on. What's the author's name? The House of Bane and Blood, Alexis L. Menard.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Lock into that. I read it in two days. Okay. Let's move on from books. Here we go. I... Listen, okay? I have a newfound obsession. And this episode literally is probably going to be an hour and 15 minutes because I need to talk. I... Need to reveal my new thing to y'all, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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That's the whole point of this podcast is to tell you my new thing, what I've been loving, what I've been digging, if you will. And that is actually going to be ballet. Now, bitch, okay? Let me just stand with me for a second. Just stand there and let me think for a second. Let me talk my shit for a minute. Ballet, when you think about the inaccurate and I think quite unfair way
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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judgments that have been placed on the art form of ballet. You know, of like, they're just... it's a very hyper feminine thing and they're just dancing around the stage like little girls. And, you know, it's just this very, I think it's also just deeply rooted in misogyny, the way that people think about and talk about ballet of like, it's just this feminine thing that is to be brushed off.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Oh my fucking God. Like I'm actually, I'm about to get hot. I'm so mad. Ballet is as physically demanding and challenging as any professional men's sport. Any. Take your fucking pick and then go watch a ballet rehearsal. For those that know, they know. You have to be in the shape of your life to be a ballerina.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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You have to have complete mastery and control over your body and its movements to be that graceful, to be that in control, And to, on top of that, have it be a performative art in so that it's telling a story. You know, ballet isn't just a combination of dance moves to music. It is telling a story. These stories that are centuries old in some regards, if not, you know, decades.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Stories like Swan Lake or Don Quixote or The Nutcracker, all of these things are still incredibly culturally relevant today, but also have been and have withstood the test of time and have just gotten more polished and more impressive. Do you know how hard that is? You know, musical theater is always changing. Live productions and performances like black box theater are always changing.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Do you want people to sign up for your membership or not? I can't see your focus in these glasses. I want to take a moment to talk about how I saw this thing like a few months ago, maybe even a few years ago, that was essentially like,
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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But I think with ballet, always changing in the sense of, you know, they're getting better. But I don't know. You know, the stage acting of the 50s and 60s, what is that compared to today? I don't know. I'm really not that in tune with that whole side of live theater. But what I can say about ballet is... Because I'm tapped the fuck in, y'all. Like, I'm about to go off. I watch ballet YouTubers.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I watch ballet documentaries. Like, I am locked in on this topic. And so I have a lot of knowledge and I have a lot of feelings. There are some criticisms of modern ballet that have turned it... that say it has turned into... Just an athletics performance. It's who can stretch the farthest? Who can do the highest jump? Who can do this? Who can do that? And the heart of it has been lost.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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That is one criticism that is coming from inside the ballet community, okay? And I speak for the ballet community. Trust me, I speak for the ballet community because I myself am a ballerina, okay? If you did not know, I'm a ballerina by association. Ballerina and associates, that's me. Broski and Associates Ballet Company. Now hiring. Now hiring janitors. Okay, we've got all the spots filled.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I am the dancer. I'm all the background dancers. I'm also the director and the musical composer. Okay, so we're not really hiring talent right now. We're hiring bathroom cleaners. I need y'all to come and like vacuum the sort of dressing room and stock the fridges. So just let me know if you guys are interested.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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They're saying it's just like a who can do it better sort of thing only based on athleticism. And the heart of the craft has been lost. You go back in time and you study some of the most important, famous ballerinas. It is their delivery of the story that sets them apart. Sure, it's the perfected and controlled movements and the utter grace that just pours out of their pores. But I don't know.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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It's... Who's to say where it's at currently? But I just have this obsession with classical ballet. I don't give a fuck about contemporary dance. I don't give a fuck about contemporary ballet. I care about classical ballet, traditional to Tchaikovsky and that sort of shit, where I am just blown away by this old and preserved... I feel the same way about flamenco, to be honest, where it is like...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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New Year's resolutions are not realistic in the very essence of what they are, because the wintertime, we find ourselves at the top of the new year in the middle of winter, if you're on the Western Hemisphere. It is the middle of cold, dead winter. This is a season of rest and of hibernation, if you want to speak in a primal sense, and
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
79: Broski Royal Ballet School Is Now Open
This comes from a very deep part of the human soul. And traditional ballet to me is that, I don't really know how to explain it other than I'm just, I am utterly fascinated with it. And in that vein, I'm still doing Bar Method. Bar Method kicks my fucking ass, dude. Bar Method kicks me down. You get me down, lift me up, spin me round, hundred times a day. Florence and the Machine.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Bar Method, I did it yesterday. Shit is so hard. And what I like about Bar Method, and I think I'm discovering this about myself, okay? The reason I like Bar Method is because it's ballet. It incorporates ballet elements, which is why I was interested in it from the get-go, because it's not just a workout class. It incorporates an art form that I love. And it's not a dance class, right?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Because my fat ass isn't going to get up there and do a fucking dance class. Southern California. I'm not doing it, but I will do this structured workout class that has elements and taken from, you know, we use the bar to stretch our, our legs and we hold it and we do plies and we do, you know, all these sort of things that work those muscles and it feels cool. Like, yeah, bitch, it feels cool.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I leave a bar method class like, eh, I just finished my ballet rehearsal. I feel cool. And in that vein, I've also been addicted and obsessed with like French beauty.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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This is what I want to tell you. Guys. So one of the things that kickstarted me into like really appreciating and loving this as what it is, you know, a craft and an immeasurably significant and impressive, just infinitely impressive art form to me, was this documentary, kind of documentary, that I found on YouTube of the famous French ballerina, Angélie Dupont. She is amazing. She is everything.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And I found this documentary. It came up on my YouTube recommended. I watch it like once a day. I don't know why. You know, like you get, maybe it's the undiagnosed, you bitches love to say I have ADHD. Sure. It's the thing that I'm like, oh, time to watch that again. I've watched it every day. It's been a week now. I watch it every single day. I just love it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And I also like the tone that the video is made in. There's no narration because fuck a documentary that's got narration, bitch. I want to read and I want you to just show me the clips. And say, this was the year, you know, they leave for Australia in three days. And she just broke her fucking metatorsal fin. She just broke her dorsal fin. And she had sprained her dorsal fin.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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She's got her special fin like Nemo in Finding Nemo. And so how is she going to do the Nutcracker of Fuentes? Anyway, this documentary about Arguele Dupont, I go and I follow her on Instagram. Bitch, she followed me back. What the fuck? She had followed me back. I genuinely jumped out of my seat like Ariana Grande had followed me. I was like, oh my God. She...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Like, I am a super mega fan of this ballerina. Like, I freaked the fuck out. Why did she follow me back? I don't know. And I thought about DMing her and being like, I love translating it to French. I think you are just the most talented person. in the world. But I didn't. I couldn't. I got too nervous. I was like, I can't message her. Anyway, I love her.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I watch compilations of her like best variations on YouTube. I love her. And there's another Russian ballerina who I'm kind of addicted to as well. I forget her name. No, not Russian. Her last name is Nunez. Any ballet heads know who I'm talking about. What is her name? Nunia. She's always in those like variation. I'm locked the fuck into ballet. Okay. I also have been watching Luna Montana.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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where this is not a time for radical change and uprooting yourself and making these insane life decisions just because it's a cultural shift. You know, like around the new year, it's always like, I'm going to start prioritizing my... If that doesn't make sense for you right now, I would say wait until it's more feasible.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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She is, I think she just does like freelance ballet. I don't think she belongs to like a company. I could be wrong, but I love her. She's like a YouTuber ballerina. So she'll record her rehearsals. She'll record her very vulnerable like breakdowns and stuff. I haven't had a YouTuber that I've like been addicted to in a long time. I think it's also just because YouTubers can be so problematic.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And it's like, you know, if you come out and you say, I love this person, they get canceled. It's really tough. So I'm hoping Luna, please don't get canceled because you're a ballerina. Please. I love you. But she does like very vulnerable things. that I relate to a lot, you know? It's just, she'll be very real.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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She'll go in her car after a hard rehearsal and be like, I feel stupid and, like, I can't do it. And, like, this one thing, like, I can't get these fuetes, these spins, and, like, it's going to fuck up my whole week because I can't do it because I feel shitty and I feel disappointed and I feel embarrassed and, you know, stuff like that where when you're in the business of Here's my talent.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Watch it. And you can't do that talent for some reason. It's humiliating. And I feel like that a lot of the time. You know, it's like, you're supposed to be funny. Fucking be funny. Why aren't you funny? And it's like, I don't know. I'm embarrassed. And when it all comes down to that moment where it's like, you need to deliver.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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If you're on someone's podcast or if you're doing a live show or if you're interviewing someone and you're not on... That shit sucks. There is not a worse feeling. And anyone who's done live performance knows that feeling where you just didn't nail it. And you're going to think about that for the next six years of your life. She talks about that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And I was like, I really relate to that because I am a ballerina. Because I am also a, you know, proverbial ballerina. I just love her. I'm really, I'm fucking with it. And I'm into ballet core now. Like, dressing like I bought some Rapetto ballet flats. Bitch, lock into that. Love Rapetto. I'm a Rapetto girl now. It's just so... You know what part of it is, too, is locking into...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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this untapped, forbidden chamber of my femininity that is so complex because ballet, while it is woman-dominated, I wouldn't say it's a grossly feminine sport because have you ever seen a male ballerina? Have you ever seen a male ballet dancer? Some of the most jacked men you'll ever see in your fucking life. Thighs to rival Carrie Underwood. I mean, these people are athletes.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And so much of the storytelling in ballet is always, it's centered around love and mysticism and fantasy and tragedy and forbidden love and all these things where you need your male counterpart to execute the lifts and the spins and the whatever to operate and live in that world. I don't know. I know it's cutthroat and I know it's like, wow, but
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Anyway, all that to say, ballet, watching it and studying it and being a fan and admirer of it, these are strong, tough as nails women. And there is a certain, yes, it's admiration and a respect, but like this almost childlike awe of women. Look what they get. She's my age. You know, like, well, Luna's not. But, you know, some of these ballerinas, I think you age out of ballet.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And of course, that's also at the same time that, you know, I believe in this mentality of do it now. Do it now because you don't know if tomorrow's promised. Nadie sabe lo que va a pasar mañana. Nadie sabe. No one knows what's going to happen tomorrow. So, like, do it today. You know what I mean? Just, like, jump off the cliff. Take that risk.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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In some countries, it's 35. In France, it's 42. I know Aurélie, Aurélie, Aurélie, Aurélie Dupont. She aged out at 42, and I think she became an instructor. She actually went to New York to study and then went back to France, I think. I'm really not sure where she is now. But that is something that, you know, your body is your... your tool.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And I don't know, it's, it's, I just feel really like this childlike sense of, wow, like I want to be her and doing bar method and all that, you know, it's a taste of it and it's fucking hard. I'm sore all over today. And like my muscles give out on me. I am so out of shape, but I'm trying. And that's what, that's what matters, bitch. That's what fucking matters. And it makes me feel good.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Like I finished the class. I may not finish every set or every workout to completion because I'm so weak. By the way, there's like 55-year-old women in there kicking my ass, doing every set to completion, doing a full, like their legs are touching their eyebrows when they do a stretch. I'm like, oh my God. You know, it's inspiring.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And it's always all women in my bar method classes, which I like because I've done some workout classes and there's men in there and I'm like, I don't feel safe here. It's a gay man. I don't feel safe here. Can you leave? Please leave. Anyway, I think that that has been really... There are certain eras of my life or certain time periods that have been bookended by things.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And right now, my bookends are ballet and hyper-focusing on literature. It's so fun. It's so fun to reinvent and discover things that I didn't know I liked. I never grew up wanting to be a dancer or wanting to be a ballerina. But now, as I'm older, it's like, God, that takes so much skill. In fact, I'll say this.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I think if I would have been put in ballet as a child, I would have a different opinion on it. You know, that as strongly as I feel about how it's an art form and it needs to be preserved and it needs to be told by only the strongest storytellers. And I think that if I had been on the inside...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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As a child dancer or, you know, because these ballerinas, they start when they're fucking four years old. They're put into these classes and they're taught the basics and they're scolded and they're just like beaten into this marble example of a ballet dancer, a ballerina. I think my opinion would be a bit skewed or it would be a bit tainted if I had grown up in that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And so as an outside objective or I guess subjective observer, I'm just in awe. And I'm so... I'm going to see Swan Lake in New York in February. I bought a ticket. Me and Stanley are going to go. I'm so excited because I've never seen, I think I've seen a ballet once. I was in high school and I was like, this shit's boring as fuck. Now my opinion's completely changed. So that's my new obsession.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Because you don't know if you're going to fucking live tomorrow. Like, yes, that is true. But at the same time, you cannot live an entire life that is based on you know, radical change. There needs to be periods of rest and resetting. And I think that that is the new year for me. And I think historically, I've always sort of been like, time to become the best version of myself.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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My other new obsession in that vein is sort of the outfits that they wear when they're rehearsing. They're not really... I mean, if you've seen it, you know what I'm talking about. It's just like tights and leotards and then just bullshit. Just wrap sweaters and like ugly leg warmers and obviously the pointe shoes and the flat shoes or whatever. But it's like this... It's this feeling of...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I don't know. I feel very inspired by it as something to pull from in fashion, like leg warmers and that sort of thing, but not in an 80s way, in a ballet way. So I'm going to start. My fits are about to be fucked up. So if you see me in a ballet core fit out in public, you better compliment me. You better say, oh, that outfit is so ballet core.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Is that because you were going to see Swan Lake in February? Yes. Thank you. Oh, it's not because you watch Luna Montana on YouTube? Yes. Thank you so much. I'm wearing leg warmers in a Luna Montana way, not in an Elizabeth Sparkle way, okay? And that is the substance. That is a reference for the substance. Is that her name? Elizabeth Sparkle?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I'm also into French beauty right now, but it's not in the like, I wear a red lip and a beret and I'm ready to go. It's not that, okay? We're not doing like Pinterest, ooh la la, Paris 2009 bedroom decor, okay? We're not doing that. We're doing more so dewy skin makeup. A fringe, maybe like an oversized blazer, some tights and some belly flats. That's what I'm feeling.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Maybe a darker lip, like a plum lip. That's what I'm feeling. Alyssa's magic on TikTok. She's another sort of beauty inspo of mine. I love her style. It's kind of weird. It's kind of eclectic, but it's very suiting to her. It suits her very well. And it's just like, I love watching women. She's a dancer too, by the way. Love her.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I love watching women dress for the female gaze because that's what matters, okay? For the lesbian gaze. That's what we're dressing for, okay? Female gaze. Female gaze, realize real lies. And believe me, believe you me, So it's that, you know, it's like I'm going to start being more experimental in my outfits because I've never fucking done that before.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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But don't expect that on this podcast because in here I'm coming in here brawless in a dirty sweatshirt that smells like onions and probably unwashed hair. That's sort of just the vibe of what I'm rocking with here. So thanks for rocking with me. Okay, team, that's all I've got for you today. Go read a book. Go read one of the classics and let me know what you're thinking.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And then also, walk into Orly DuPont. Orly DuPont. I, au revoir. I can't be saying I. That's not what French people say. That's what they say. Bonne année. Bonne, bonne, bonne année. Happy New Year. Okay, team, if you are missing some Broski Report merch in your life, go buy it, okay? It's up there for you to buy. It's on broski.shop. Just fucking do it. If you need a Moo Moo, just go get one.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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It's the wintertime. I'm just trying to kill my baby love for the wintertime. And if Ariana Grande gets that Audrey Hepburn biopic role, I just went nonverbal. Watch me turn this podcast into the Ariana Grande report. Bet on that, bitch. Y'all thought I was insufferable when Elvis came out? Fuck you.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
79: Broski Royal Ballet School Is Now Open
If Ariana Grande does an Audrey Hepburn biopic, I am going to be the most insufferable person you have ever laid eyes upon, ever listened to, ever seen in your life. I'm going to make that my entire personality. I'm going to get those fucked up micro bangs. I'm going to start wearing pearls everywhere and gloves. Bitch, watch. I'm going to weigh 100 pounds soaking wet.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
79: Broski Royal Ballet School Is Now Open
I shave my head and I start a Fresh and Fit podcast. It's time to become the best version of myself. I'm bald the next episode and all of this is like, it's like seven dudes and me around this small little table, but it's still my little laptop and my Mickey Mouse phone. But you know what I mean? It's like, that is not, I think that the new year is not this grind mindset.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
79: Broski Royal Ballet School Is Now Open
I'm going to take that shit so personally. I don't ask for much. I don't ask for much. I just ask for Harry Styles and Jack Harlow to come on Royal Court. Maybe hosier. Okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
79: Broski Royal Ballet School Is Now Open
Or at least I can breakfast at Tiffany's Roman Holiday remake on Netflix, please, Marilyn. I'm not really, I'm not even watching it. I just want to watch it. Okay, love you guys. Go watch Royal Court. That's my interview show. If you don't know what we're doing over here, you better find out real fucking quick, okay? Go watch it. And I'm not joking. Okay, love you guys. Bye.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
79: Broski Royal Ballet School Is Now Open
The new year is a chance, if you've never tried it before, to rest. And be gentle with yourself because these two weeks, and I'm speaking generally, I know that most, honestly, most jobs do not have two weeks off at Christmas and New Year's. I mean, that is such a privilege. And I think it's also a very like white collar thing.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
79: Broski Royal Ballet School Is Now Open
Bonjour, bonjour tout le monde, bonjour à tous et bonne année. Bonne, bonne année. Happy New Year. Bonne année. Bonne, bonne année. ¡Y feliz año nuevo a todos! ¡Feliz año nuevo! ¡Feliz año nuevo! ¡Feliz año nuevo! ¡Feliz año nuevo! ¡Y año nuevo ano! That means asshole. Happy new asshole to everyone listening! Dang! Shit! Guys, it's been a hot minute. And also, bonjour to you and yours, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
79: Broski Royal Ballet School Is Now Open
It's this, I mean, even when I worked my white collar job, quote unquote, I was making $39,000 a year at the insurance company. I had to ask off on Christmas Eve so I could fly to Florida to go see my family. Like, are you at it? Christmas Eve? Who the fuck is calling to talk about their insurance policy on Christmas Eve? Like, sorry, girl. And you'd be shocked. A lot of people were, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
79: Broski Royal Ballet School Is Now Open
Because disasters happen all the time because that's just the insurance business. And so I would have to be on the phone and be like, oh, we actually don't cover that. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. And a Feliz Ano Nuevo to you. Okay, bye. Ridiculous.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
79: Broski Royal Ballet School Is Now Open
So, like, trust me, I've been through the corporate trenches of, like, having to fight, genuinely fight with your boss tooth and nail to get a semblance of time off. Like, the concept of time off. So, I know that, you know, I recognize I'm speaking in platitudes here, but generally speaking, during this time... When it's about the holidays and family and, you know, being home.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
79: Broski Royal Ballet School Is Now Open
And I know that's difficult for a lot of people as well. This time of year should be about prioritizing you, I think. Because we, well, how about say I think one more time. I'm annoying myself. I'm going to start doing that because... Lost my train of thought. All that to say, I think New Year's resolutions are fucking dumb. I think that the time for change should be when you're fed up.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
79: Broski Royal Ballet School Is Now Open
not because of outside pressure telling you that you should change your life and the top five ways to run, don't walk. From you, shut up! Actually, let me go on a rant really fucking quick about over-the-top consumerism. I'm not the first person to rant about this, but let me go ahead and throw my little two cents in there.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
79: Broski Royal Ballet School Is Now Open
If I have to see one more person on TikTok come on and tell me their top 10 Amazon favorites of this month, which means they're doing an Amazon haul every fucking month, hundreds of dollars worth of Amazon products. How about the one, how about the people that come on TikTok and are like, team you fucked me over? Yeah, are you 85? Did you just fall for a credit card phishing scam as well?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
79: Broski Royal Ballet School Is Now Open
What do you mean Team U fucked you over? Of course it did! I'm so, like, infinitely shocked. At how there can be these two conversations happening at once online of like, there's no ethical consumerism out of capitalism. This was made by five-year-olds at a sweatshop.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
79: Broski Royal Ballet School Is Now Open
And then at the same time, it's like, you need to run, not walk, to get this absolutely meaningless piece of plastic you're going to forget about in five days. Guys, I'm serious. It changed me life. Until next month when I forget about it and buy something else. It's so wasteful. And I hope that the bubble's about to burst. You know what I mean?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
79: Broski Royal Ballet School Is Now Open
Of this just, we're buying to fill the void of everything else, I guess. I don't know. It's not the solution, though. I can tell you that right now. Like retail therapy, I know that's always been, it's just not going to fix the hole. It's just a sickness. I really do think it's a sickness that like, This under-consumption core thing, I'm fucking with that. I'm really fucking with that. It's nice.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
79: Broski Royal Ballet School Is Now Open
The de-influencing, I watch every single one of those. It's also kind of satisfying to be like, oh, and Project Pan, that's another one where people on TikTok specifically are pledging to use the products that they have to completion instead of buying this new palette or this new lip gloss or this fucking, that girl who had like 107 lip oils. What are you bitches doing? Genuine question.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
79: Broski Royal Ballet School Is Now Open
What are you doing? There is no way, very realistically speaking, that you could use all of those always in rotation before they all expire and go bad. Like, there is no reason for you to have 107 lip oils. What are you talking about? It has gotten to a point that is, it makes my stomach turn. So this Project Pan and under-consumption core, I love it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
79: Broski Royal Ballet School Is Now Open
I'm really here for it because I find myself falling victim to the, you know, run, don't walk to get this shit. And I'll get it. And I'm like, why the fuck did I buy this? And then it sits in my cabinet or I give it away or I throw it away. And it's just like such a horrible feeling. I'm done with it. Like I am contributing to the problem actively. So I'm done.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
79: Broski Royal Ballet School Is Now Open
Okay, this is a rough transition, but hear me out. Going from under consumption core to the books I've been reading and what I want to talk about. So over the Christmas break, I went to my family's, my cousin's got like a ranch out in Hearn, Texas, and we went out there and just sort of disconnected, rode four wheelers with my pawpaw and, you know, really just tried to revel in the analog.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
79: Broski Royal Ballet School Is Now Open
And I brought Fahrenheit 451 because I've talked about this before. I never read it in high school. And I mean, we focused on, you know, I took an AP Lit class, and we did stuff like Edgar Allan Poe and Brave New World and Heart of Darkness, a lot of things to do with colonialism.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
79: Broski Royal Ballet School Is Now Open
The sort of censorship that 1984 and Brave New World and Fahrenheit 451 tackle, even Animal Farm, all those books tackle that. I feel like we didn't really touch on that that much, and I'm wondering why, sort of in my adulthood days, that my school district picked that curriculum. Anyway, not to say that what we did study was meaningless.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
79: Broski Royal Ballet School Is Now Open
I've been really intense into this, like, French face. Just see me through it, okay? Just let me get through it and out of it. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, okay? Guys, lots, lots to catch up on for serious, bro. Lots of things to be grateful for. Lots of things to... reposition your mindset on, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
79: Broski Royal Ballet School Is Now Open
I mean, I really learned a lot from Heart of Darkness and all those sort of, I mean, even in college, we read Beowulf and all that, not to do with colonialism. But I'm saying there is a wide scope of what I absorbed from my English classes. or my lit classes that, you know, of course you can't cover it all. So I've taken it upon myself as an adult to sort of go back through the classics.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
79: Broski Royal Ballet School Is Now Open
And over the break, I read Fahrenheit 451. I want to read you my... Goodreads review that I wrote on it. And stop fucking asking me for my Goodreads. Let me have one thing that's private. I'm begging you, for the love of God, let me have one thing, okay? That's for me and my friends. And I really like Goodreads.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
And I was going to work on that thing. I was really giving it a handy. I was giving that thing a free HJ. Okay? And I was having a blast. Something that's on my heart today to speak to you guys about is this concoction sitting in front of me. I made gobbledygook for breakfast. I don't really know.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
And I think that it's kind of touching on a larger thing of I don't build in free time for myself. So I have to create it sometimes at my own detriment. Like in theory, on the weekends, I should be able to do whatever I want and no one bother me. But I don't get all my work done during the week. So I have to work on the weekend sometimes. I usually film grocery reports on Sundays.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
So it's a difficult – but I've always been that way. I mean, even when I was in middle school, high school, I was staying up until 4 a.m. doing whatever I wanted. And then I would wake up at 6.30 and just – I was running on fumes, but I was doing it because I was a gifted and talented student and I was running myself ragged because I needed to be validated for my intelligence.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
for my intelligence and my endurance. It's nuts. I was doing all that in high school and not sleeping. And I was doing all AP classes. I was working a job. I was doing theater. I was doing mock trial. I was doing all this shit. It's just crazy. Because I look back and I'm like, where did that energy come from?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Because now I have to chug perfume Red Bull and do a fucking enema to stay awake for four hours. I think it has to do with my diet too. And I just don't sleep at night. Anyway, I feel fine. I'm okay. Anyway, during the weekends, that should be the time to just like for 48 hours, I can do whatever I want. But I don't know, I'm not really a creature of the sun.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
I see the sun, do you see my pale skin? It sizzles me. I sat outside the other day, I even put sunscreen on. I sat outside in my little chair and I read my book for 35 minutes. I got a sunburn. Like I have to do SPF 100, I'm not joking. I sprayed that SPF 30 on me, I might as well have sprayed water on myself. I might as well have put cooking oil on. I'm so fucking pale. But you know what?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
There is nothing wrong with being overprotective for your skin sitting in the sunlight. Like my poor, translucent, thin, vampiric, veiny skin, it can't last in the sunlight.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
I got to wear big hats and I got to wear sun shirts and I got to wear, I went to the river with Taylor like two years ago and they made fun of me because we stopped at Bucky's beforehand, okay? We stopped at Bucky's because if y'all know, Bucky's has anything you could ever need. If you've ever been on a road trip through the South, It's a grocery store. It's a convenience store.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
It's homemade wares. It's clothing. It's fishing gear. It's hunting gear. It's whatever. It's just the most southern fucking store. And we went to one of the big ones. I don't know if it was in Bastrop or wherever. We went to one of the landmark stores. And because we were going to the river, I was like, I'll just get something at Bucky's because I knew that Big Whitey was going to get sunburned.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
I fucking knew it. And I hate being sunburned. It's miserable. I'm in pain. I swell up. Don't touch me. Don't look at me. I'm in pain, right? I can't even laugh and joke and cackle and mumble because I'm in pain. And it's like, I got to have other people smear aloe vera on me. I feel helpless. So I was like, I'm not going to do that this time. We're going to be on the river.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Like, if you could see the sort of chunky quality to this, and I made it last night, so I don't even really remember what I put in it because I was in a fog. I was cleaning the kitchen, doing all this shit. I'm leaving for a trip today, and so I was cleaning out the fridge, and I was like... Making dinner and I was like, I should make a smoothie for the morning. I just started adding shit.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
And this is the most redneck shit that we do. You get a bunch of tubes. Anyone from the South, you know about this. You get a bunch of tubes and you tie them together. So you're all floating together as one. And in the very middle of this tube circle is the cooler. Okay, the cooler gets its own tube. And we get the tubes with the, there's a bottom in it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
because they have the ones where, you know, you can do it like this and you can float in it with your body in the water. But these are the ones where you lean back like this and there's a bottom to it because the river gets kind of rocky sometimes. You don't want to scratch up your butthole or have something swim into your butthole. That wouldn't be fun.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
And so we put the cooler in the middle with a trash bag. They give you these little trash bags to put your cans and your whatever in, the place you rent your tubes from. And so you do that. You tie everyone together. And that way someone's on cooler duty. So it's like pass me a claw, pass me a whatever, a high noon, a, you know, whatever we're drinking. Oh, Taylor loves a Michael, a Michelada.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
She loves a Michelob Ultra. Taylor's drink of choice, my bestie, Tato, her drink of choice is a, what does she call them, red draw? It's just tomato juice and beer, which I think it's the white people version of a michelada, which a michelada has like the seasoning and the tahini around the rim and lime juice and whatever, and it's beer. But it's like the white people version.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
It's just kind of V8 and beer. And so someone's on cooler duty. you know, passing out, whatever. And I opted for, I think the last time we went, I was actually doing, I know I was doing White Claws and you get your own little koozie. It is just so much fucking fun. And then we have a little waterproof speaker and then we DJ that way. And it's just a freaking blast.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
And sometimes the river gets faster and you got to hold on. Whoa, all the tubes are doing this. And sometimes it slows down to a trickle and the tubes get stuck because the water's so shallow and you get lodged on a rock. And so you have to either scoot and everyone has to scoot or everyone has to get up and we have to drag it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
And sometimes there's rapids and it gets scary, but we don't really do that. The last time we were on the river too, I was getting recognized. So imagine me, imagine me, okay? Oh, I didn't even finish the story. We went tubing and I bought me a sun shirt. I bought me two sun shirts and we went into the men's fishing session at Bucky's because I was like, I need me a sun shirt.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
And we went over there and of course I got like a 6XL and I got one that was patterned like water. It was patterned like sunlight rippling on the water. It was blue with a water pattern. And of course Taylor made fun of me. Fuck you. And then I got another one that was a Texas A&M one. And that one was a deep maroon and I knew I was going to be hot in it. So I never got around to wearing that one.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
So I wore my fucking... blue, moisture-wicking sun shirt. I didn't get sunburnt, because you bitches are laughing, but I didn't get sunburnt. So who's the real genius? I wore that over my swimsuit, so it looked like it was a big, oversized top. I looked like Ariana Grande in the water. I'll put up a photo right here. Tell me I don't look like Ariana Grande.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
It doesn't taste bad, but holy shit, it's gray. Gobbledygook. Okay, I made a potion. Sometimes, sometimes you have to put on your big girl panties, throw your hair up in a bun.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
This is basically Ariana Grande, if you think about it. I was doing, I give you all I have. With her, my legs all like that in the tube. I never knew. I never knew. You remember Moonlight? I was addicted to that song. And then she got the tattoo of the moon. I'm such an orinator. Okay, so I did that, and then I had my straw hat, and then I had my glasses. I looked like somebody's fucking dad.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
I always looked like my dad, but in this instance, I looked like somebody's dad. And this was back when I had that bleached blonde hair, and it was about 40 inches of weave. And I did that on the fucking river! sometimes you have to go through intense periods of self-discovery to land on something that you are intensely comfortable with, okay? And I think that this is a perfect example of that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
What the fuck was I doing? I was trying to figure out who I was. Amen. Can everyone say amen? I was very, very, uh... furiously trying to dive into what fits my aesthetic? What is my aesthetic? Who am I? What do I like? What do I want to exhibit and show to the world? And this was, I think, deep in my country era. I was doing redneck.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
And that's fine because ultimately at my core, I am a redneck and that's fine. And there's a very true reality to that because my neck was red. Because I burn. Anyway, what was I saying? Oh, on the river. I was getting recognized. What? We were on the, what river did we go to? The one in Fredericksburg. Nacogdoches? What's the one in Nacogdoches? That's not the Frio.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
What is that fucking quote? Put on some gangsta wrap and handle it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
What river? I couldn't even tell you. I don't even know what to fucking look up. Anyway, we're on the river. We're all tied together. It's probably eight or nine of us, maybe ten of us. and we're all tied together with the cooler in the middle, and here's something else I'll just be, I'll speak my truth about.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
When you're in that tube, and you're about six to seven white claws deep, the way that I was, okay, you're pissing the tube. You're making boo-boo in the tube, and there's nothing that is inherently wrong there other than maybe some environmental concerns, because whatever's coming out of my system, that's not, you shouldn't be swimming in that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Who the fuck made that tweet, first of all? And second of all, when it makes it to Etsy and it's on mugs and it's like a print you can print out and hang on your wall, that's when it's like, okay.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
No one should be swimming around in that, but ultimately we are because that's the river. And I live to tell the tale. I didn't even get a UTI. I didn't even get a UTI. And that's a badge of honor. So we're on the river. I'm pissing the tube. We're going over, whoa, going over rapids. Okay, it's swishing the piss out of my tube. And I'm about five or six white claws deep.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
That was the day I learned six white claws is enough for me to blackout. My blackout point, six. And they weren't even tall boys. They were just normal WCs. And my poison of choice is mango. I'll do mango. My ranking is watermelon, actually. Mango. Strawberry. I like strawberry. And if nothing else, I'll do a lime. I'll do lime. I don't like any other flavor. I don't like cherry.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
I don't like raspberry. I don't like orange. I don't like any of that bullshit. I'll do a lemon, okay? If there's not lime, I'll do lemon. That's my ranking. And if you don't have any of those, I'd rather just not drink, truly. I can't really drink anymore because of my fucking gallbladder. Every doctor I've talked to, they're like, no alcohol. And I'm like, okay, but what does that mean? Right?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
If I'm doing six white clots, can I have like four? Like, no drinking. Your liver is going to burst. Okay. Who fucking asked you? And who are you? Oh, you're my GI doctor? Oh. Oh, you're the one who did the surgery on my necrotic gallbladder? Eh. Okay, maybe you know what you're talking about. Anyway, this is back when I was, you know, I was doing it. Six white claws. That'll do it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
So imagine me six white claws deep, having the time of my life. Pissing the tube, gibbing and gabbing with my bestie. I'm giggling and laughing. Oh, the laughter we had. We're listening to Tim McGraw and fucking Beer for My Horses. We're listening to Charlie XCX. That playlist is always such a, because our friend group is gay, of course.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
So it's all gay music mixed in with like me and Taylor's weird country music. So it'll be like, day six, five, potty go. French manicure, wipe away the residue. That'll be, I was toting my pack along a dusty Amarillo road. And then everyone's like, skip it. Me and Taylor are singing. Oh, it's so fun. Copperhead Road on the river. I miss Texas. I miss Texas. Anyway, six white claws deep.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Okay, guys, maybe let's sort of reassess what we're doing here. Throw your hair up in a bun and handle it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
We're on the river. We're floating, floating, floating, having a good time. I get recognized. Someone yells out, Brandy Broski! I'm horrified, right? Because you're seeing me at my most vulnerable state. That is, I might as well have been naked. I might as well have been floating around naked. Brandy Broski! I look around. There's a tube of girls across the river.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
How they saw me and my fucking middle-aged dad cosplay, I don't know. Maybe it was the 40-inch weave. They start waving at me. One of them swims over. Not now. I just pissed all over this tube. Do not come over here! I'm like, stop! Stop right where you are! Don't come closer! They're like, she's a bitch. She wouldn't take a photo with us.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
A messy bun. I throw my hair up in a messy bun and run downstairs to have my breakfast of orange juice when my mother tells me she sold me to One Direction. What a crazy... Here's the thing about modern cinema and literature today. I have yet to see... The innovation, the creativity, the originality that was packaged in to 135 chapter Wattpad One Direction fan fiction.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
No, mama, there's a turd floating over here and I just pissed the tube again. That's for your own sake, okay? And I'm about to vomit in this tube. Don't, do not come over here. They swam over. I'm such a big fan, whatever. And they have this, you know, those waterproof bags you can put your phone in. She swam over and she was real sweet. She was like, I watch all your videos.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
I'm so... Is this Taylor? We're like, yeah. She was like, I just love you guys. She said, can I get a picture? And I was like, I'm literally like this. My gut's hanging out. I'm hot. Piss all on me. And I go... is it okay if we don't? Just because, you know, like, I'm clearly blackout. Like, I'm teetering on, I'm not really here mentally right now.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
And I said no, and I explained why I was like, I am very drunk, and I'm just feeling like I don't really want to document this moment, and I'm sorry for anything I might have or will say. And she started laughing. She's like, that's It's totally fine. I saw y'all having fun and whatever, splashing, whatever. I'll leave you guys to it. Y'all have a good day.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
And I was like, this is what we hope and pray for, right? Community, respect, love, shared joy, impact. Friendship, laughter, white claw, piss, asparagus piss, Charli XCX, Lorde. That's all you can hope for. Maybe occasionally Toby Keith, Tim McGraw, Brad Paisley. I used to fucking love Brad Paisley when I was in fourth grade. Oh my God, there was this song.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
This isn't a Brad Paisley song, but oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, wait, wait, wait. He has a song. with Dolly Parton called When I Get Where I'm Going. Oh, dude, go listen to that song. When I Get Where I'm Going, Brad Paisley and Dolly Parton. It's about dying. It's about reconnecting with your loved ones. And of course, it's got some Christian undertones, but oh, that song still makes me cry.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
I don't know why. When I was in fourth, fifth grade, I was like, this might be the best song ever written. He's also got another song called Mud on the Tires. Cause it's a good night to be out here sunken up the moonlight. Great song. There was this song I was obsessed with, not by Brad Paisley, I forget who it's by. Who sings it? Dierks Bentley.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
And it's called, it's called Tryin' to Stop Your Leavin'. It is fantastic. There's another song called Watching Airplanes. I don't remember who sings that. But all of these are breakup songs. But just me as a 10-year-old, I was like, this is so fucking me. This is me. They wrote this song for me, with me in mind. I'm 10. I'm playing Webkinz and watching Hannah Montana.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
I'm like, God, trying to stop your leaving. And I couldn't. Okay. Got a guitar on my back and I'm standing on this lonesome railroad track. Anyway. Yeah. God, take me back. Get me back to God's country. The river. Pissing in the river. Okay, let's move on. This episode is sponsored by SeatGeek.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Summer's creeping up on us and our mission, broski nation, is to get out of the damn house with our friends, which is why I wanna give the sponsor of today's video, SeatGeek, a huge shout out. With over 28 million downloads, SeatGeek is the number one rated ticketing app. There's more than 70,000 events listed on SeatGeek, including concerts, sports, festivals, and more.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Make sure you click the link in the description to download the app and have the code automatically added to your account so you can use it later. Thanks, SeatGeek! I've been obsessed with this dude on TikTok for no reason. He's just my hyper fixation. When I take it out of the ball, I'm like, gotta watch this guy. What's his name? By the Water. That's his username.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
I don't know his government name, but I really enjoy his videos. He's like a seafood enthusiast. Do I love seafood? No. I'm sort of a land animal enthusiast. I love chicken. I love turkey. There are some types of seafood I like. I like tuna. I like spicy tuna and smoked salmon.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
But even then, sometimes with salmon, I'm like... So he does usually crabs and oysters, and he'll review this bullshit here and there, whatever, different restaurants, canned, whatever. Or he'll cook it. I came across his series of videos where he does tinned fish reviews. I'm new to the tinned fish game. I'm not familiar with the tinned fish game, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
I recently bought, you know that it like went viral, Fish Wife, Fish Wife canned fucking whatever, and it's $100. I don't know, it's so expensive for no reason. But it's because the packaging is cute, and you really don't get that much fish for what you're paying for. But I tried the Fish Wife, it's like salmon with Szechuan chili crisp. It was delicious.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
The ingenuity, is that the word I'm thinking of? The in, in, inventive, the inventive nature and quality to some of those stories, make fun of them as you may. It's great storytelling. What do you mean your mother sold you to One Direction? And why was I reading this like, bless her heart. This is going to be horrible, but it's not. Sold her to One Direction. Okay, sure.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Me and Annabelle, one of my writers, we got very high, and we just went to town on this, because we're both, Annabelle's a very picky eater. I'm not really a picky eater, but I know what I like, and I know what I don't like. I'm willing to try stuff, and so I bought it. I was like, let's go try this jawn, and so we went into the kitchen, and it was one of those high,
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
eating episodes where the fridge door was open and we were like crouched over the fridge door, like swapping the can back and forth, eating it with a toothpick. That shit was so, no, with chopsticks. We were eating it with chopsticks. That shit was so good. And it opened me up to a world of canned fish. And so that was the only one I had tried from that line.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
This dude, my guy by the water, he's going to do a whole review. He does reviews of this.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
This brand of tinned fish has become very popular and I'm going to try every single one from the sampler pack and rate it from one to seven. Now, the ones we're going to try today are the smoked rainbow trout. We're also going to do the sardines with preserved lemons. Sardines and hot pepper sauce. And I think this one is probably going to be one of my favorites. We got the anchovy.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
I've had anchovy before and I didn't like them that much on their own, but I'm curious to see how these ones taste.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Anchovies taste like... Anchovies taste like... I just thought of something nasty and my mouth started to water like I was going to vomit. Anchovies taste like what I think a urinal smells like. Anchovies are so fucking gross. I don't know how you bitches eat them. And anchovies usually have like the bone in it, right?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
And the bone and the eyeball and the this and the that and the fucking scrotum and the butthole of the fish. I don't want to eat the fish scrotum. I don't want to do that. I don't care if it makes a great Caesar salad dressing. Don't. Just choked. I literally just choked thinking about it. I fucking hate anchovies. Okay, back to it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
We have some albacore tuna with some Spanish lemon, and then albacore tuna in some olive oil as well. I also have the Szechuan chili crisp salmon that I'm going to try as well. Now, I'm going to start with the anchovies because I've had history of anchovies before that I didn't really like them too much.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Now, the opinions out there are divided whether or not Fishwife is actually a good product or if it's just a really cool-looking product. I mean, I do agree that their art is beautiful, so I'm curious to see if these anchovies are better than other anchovies I've had.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Let's go ahead and open it up. Cans are a little stiff, a little harder to open than I've had with other ones. I don't know if that's a good thing or what. Be careful with these because you can definitely, you can see yourself cutting yourself pretty easily with these. And you see the tendon didn't really open up as easy as like other anchovies I've had.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Looking at the anchovies themselves, they do appear to be bigger than other anchovies I've had. See, I'm still struggling to get that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Imagine me high out of my fucking mind watching his account for two hours. Two hours of my night. Me complaining earlier, like, I don't have time for myself. I'm busy all the time. I can't wait to me high at 6 p.m. on a Wednesday night doing this. I'm like, why don't I ever have time for myself? Because I always have time for myself.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Because I neglect my business obligations to watch by the water review canned 10 fish. Anyway, he eats these crazy. Watch how he eats them.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Not too anchovy of a smell. Just a normal, kind of fresh fish smell. They're definitely bigger than the other ones I've had before. Okay, here's our first one. Really salty, as expected. I mean, they're anchovies. But what I will say... is they have the texture down. So I compared to other anchovies that were like hard, but at the same time, mushy.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
These are firm, but they also have like some tenderness to them instead of mushiness.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
If you're a connoisseur, a connoisseur. Of eclectic foods like this, By the Water is your guy. He's your guy. And he gives very, this screenshot's crazy, sorry. He gives very detailed reviews, which I appreciate. But here's the thing, right? I talked about this with Perfume.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
If you're taking recommendations or advice from someone who is a self-proclaimed expert or lover of that thing, you gotta make sure your tastes overlap. Because I was getting recommendations from this guy I follow on TikTok for perfumes, and we don't have the same taste. So he was like, the top five fragrances you need in your collection.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
I smelled some of them at Sephora or wherever the fuck, in an airport, wherever I am. Horrible. Just the most sickly, sweet, nasty, like imagine wearing vanilla cake, marshmallow, Bombay, bonbon, macaron perfume in a hundred degree heat. I'm going to fucking vomit and then kill you. Because you recommended me that bullshit.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Like, there's a wearability to some, especially when you're selling it as, like, the fragrance of the summer, top five summer perfumes, and it's just marshmallow.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
And for those that don't know, that was a famous fan fiction that went around in like 20, what was that, 2012, 2013? On Wattpad of like, This quintessential Wattpad girl. I've talked about this so many times. It's like she's rail thin, ghostly pale, like the most long, gorgeous, healthy hair you could ever imagine. And she's effortlessly gorgeous and beautiful.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
I'm also almost 30. I can't go around smelling like a marshmallow. That's just me. That's my personal preference. That's my whatever. But yeah, when I realized that, I was like, I really like the way he describes fragrances, but we don't have the same taste. So I can't really take what he says to the bank. You know what I mean? And cash it. This guy, I think he likes fishy seafood.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
So because of that reason, I don't know if I can take his recommendations, but I will say he ends up liking that smoked salmon with the Szechuan chili crisp from Fish Wife. I liked it too. I liked it too. There's another one from that company. I think I tried just the normal salmon. I did not like it because it was, you don't get enough and it also wasn't that good. So I don't know.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
I think he clearly likes the saltiness. I like the saltiness, but he likes the sort of fishy. He loves oysters. Hey, brother, we're not the same. We're not the same. But I will say when I see some of them dress up them oysters with the lemon juice and the Tabasco and the this and the that, and sometimes there's, what else they put on them? Different types of hot sauce.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
And I see them, you know, they suck it back. I'm like, there's no fucking way you are doing that. And you're like, yeah, this texture is awesome. Oh, this texture is exactly what needs to be in my mouth. This texture needs to sit lightly on my tongue. Actually, there's a reason that they eat them so damn fast. How does the body process? How does the body process oysters?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
How does the human body, bruh? How does the human body process oysters? The human body process... Do you chew oysters? Do you chew oysters? What? Oysters should be... Yes, oysters should be chewed. Not swallowed whole. Chewing allows you to savor the full flavor profile of the oyster, including the briny oyster liqueur. Oyster liquor that enhances the taste. What the fuck is oyster liquor?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
I was making some Britney liquor in that tube in the river, let me tell you something. And nobody wants to taste Britney liquor. Chewing releases the full flavor of the oyster. Taking time to chew allows you to fully appreciate the delicate taste and it allows you to release the salty, briny liquid within the shell.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
What is the rule for eating oysters? Enjoy them while they are fresh and kept cold on ice and are safe. The R month rule, September through April. What? Is a food tradition. Modern oyster farming practices and refrigeration make oysters safe to eat year round if sourced from reputable vendors.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
It's also recommended to enjoy oysters with a small fork to ensure they are detached from the shell before slurping them from the wide end. An oyster shooter? Can one person eat a dozen oysters? Most experts recommend eating no more than a dozen oysters a day. They're a great source of vitamins and minerals like zinc, but even those nutrients are important to have in moderation.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Who was the first person to be like, clamshell, I need to suck on it. What if I put it in my mouth and suck on it and lick around and suck the juice and put hot sauce and lemon and like just digging around in the sand like dinner. Oysters. That is a bug. Are oysters fish bugs? Are oysters mollusks? Oh, yes, oysters are mollusks. Specifically bivalve mollusks.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
They're a type of shellfish that have a two-part hinged shell. Mollusks are a large group of invertebrate animals known for their soft bodies and in many cases protective shells. Clams, mussels, scallops. I don't like any of that shit. Scallops, I will say, if a scallop is in a seafood dish that I'm eating, I'll buy into one and it's tender or whatever, but usually it's not good.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
She just wears her dirty fucking sneakers and her like skid mark stained underwear. And she throws her hair up in a messy bun and she like she gets to it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
So I push it off to the side. One of the only seafoods that I do enjoy, sometimes I'll get a craving for it, is shrimp. Sometimes I need like a barbecued shrimp, a shrimp with honey garlic, a shrimp with lemon garlic, a shrimp with cocktail sauce, a shrimp in a gumbo. A shrimp in a gumbo? ! I'd rather have crawfish though.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Sometimes, you know, it's like, if it makes sense, whenever I'm in Spain, I'm like, oh, when in Spain, got to do paella. The paella they make along the coast of Spain is fucking crazy to me, right? Because I don't like seafood. I don't love seafood. But if you're a seafood enthusiast, get to Barcelona now. You got to get to Barcelona now. They served us this paella.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
that I ordered, I ordered it, okay? And they just gave me what I ordered at this like shitty touristy restaurant along the beach. We were like, oh, we're on the beach, let's go eat at whatever. And it was for real, like they grabbed a shrimp by the hand out of the ocean, yanked it out of the ocean, threw it on the grill and then served it to me.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
It still had eyes, it still had antennas, it still had legs, it was like a krill. It looked like a krill. And then they just wham in that tomato sauce and rice. And I said, oh, oh, thank you. Oh, I'm stuffed. I, I, no, no, no, it was delicious. I was just stuffed. I just don't like seafood. If you served a chicken to me with the beak still on it, I wouldn't eat it either. You know what I mean?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
She handles it. Say it with me. She threw her hair up in a messy bun and she handled it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
I'm a baby. I have to have a grown man or woman or non-binary person prep my meat for me because I'm a baby child. You give it to me with a beak. I don't want it. It's so hard to meet your protein goals without eating meat. And, like, not doing supplements. Like, I have to do supplements. Otherwise, I'll wither away. Anyway. I will say this.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Super, like, duper respect for anyone who can shuck an oyster and swallow them bitches down. If you're going to a restaurant and ordering a dozen oysters, three dozen oysters for yourself, I see that and I see you in an adult bib and I say, respect. Respect, because I know what you're doing. I respect what you're doing over there. I just don't want to part in it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Like, you're about to put in some work. You're about to go crazy on it, and you're going to prep it with the lemon juice and do all this. Anthony Bourdain loved oysters. I get it, okay? It's a cultural thing for the oyster-loving community. Don't bring that shit around me, because I'll start to gag. I'll start to gag. Anyway, oyster versus clam.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Oysters have rough, bumpy shells and a bold, salty, briny flavor and often enjoyed raw. Clams have smoother textured shells, milder flavor, usually cooked. Raw is nuts. Okay, I need to talk to you guys about my songs of the week. It's time. My songs of the week, there are going to be two by Fontaine's DC, which by the way, I saw Arctic Monkeys in 2023? September 2023.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
I just realized I look puffy as fuck in the camera because I just woke up. If you can't tell. I just slammed this shit. And let me tell you something, okay? Red Bull, I love you. And I'm really not supposed to be drinking Red Bull right now post-surgery, but I have a problem. I'm not loving this flavor. This flavor tastes like perfume. Wild berries. Wild berries.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Saw Arctic Monkeys with Tato in Dallas or in Fort Worth. And Fontaine's D.C. opened for them. And I remember thinking, who the fuck are these guys? Where's Alex Turner? Because we were so excited. We showed up early. We were like, we had great seats. And then they played and I was kind of like, you know. And they're like cool guys. You know, they're cool guys. I didn't know their lords.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
And so they came on Shuffle recently. And I was like, why does this sound familiar? And I was telling Taylor, I was like, I'm going to listen to this band, Fontaine's DC. And she was like, yeah, they opened for Arctic Monkeys. And I was like, oh, that's right. What a seal of approval of like this. I mean, they're Irish, right? Fontaine's DC is Irish. But Arctic Monkeys are such a rock band.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
What a seal of approval to open for someone as like iconic as the Arctic Monkeys. So Fontaines, D.C. They're from Dublin. Irish post-punk band. And if any of you guys in Fontaines, D.C. want me, go ahead and just reach out to that business email because I'm around. My songs are Boys in the Better Lands and Starburster. I love those songs. And they're on repeat.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
And I get in this flow when I'm cleaning the kitchen or I'm cleaning my room, putting my clothes away. And I'm just like... I don't know, it gets me hyped up and I'm kind of like about to tweak. You know what I mean? I'm like, and I start beating my chest and I start like jumping on the bed and like climbing my furniture. That's how it makes me feel. Okay, Fontaine's DC.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Another one I've been listening to a lot recently is Witch Witch by Florence and the Machine. I found this playlist on Spotify called Florence and the Machine's Witchiest Songs. And it's like Witch Witch, Seven Devils, Rabbit Heart. What else is on there? Oh, Dream Girl Evil, Big God, Ginny of Old Stones, which is the Game of Thrones song, Bedroom Hymns, Heavy in Your Arms, What the Water Gave Me.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
It's just, it's a great little playlist. So I found that Those have kind of been it. Just those three. I've really been, it's either like I'm doing witch or I'm doing, I'm gonna hit your business. What are the lyrics to that song? I'm gonna hit your business if it's momentary business. Let's look up this genius, actually. I need to read these lyrics. I want to see you alone.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
I want to sharp the stone. I want to bounce the bone. I want to mess with it. I want to lay the devil, the whole crew on the sill. I want the preacher and pill. I want to bless with it. I want to head to a mass and get cast in it. That shit's funnier than any A-class in it. I want to talk with the clown who has apologies down, pay him 300 pound to take a class in it. I want to bite the phone.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
I want to bleed the tone. I want to see you alone, alone, alone, alone. I want to straight the shark and find me somewhere to park. Like the light when it's dark, it's dark. A few stars about make it feel like peace in a way. A complimentary round. Constellation got a twist in it for a GPO and all the hits in it. I'm going to hit your business if it's momentary blissness.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
This, the Pink Edition Wild Boobies. I don't really know. This lesbian drink, I don't know. I drank the Pink Edition Red Bull Wild Boobies flavor and it made me gay. Happy pride. Anyway, I'm not loving that flavor. Like, I chugged it. Because, of course, I did. And it tasted like I had sprayed perfume in my mouth. Like, it wanted to be good. It wanted to be delicious. But I did not let it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Okay, this is from the genius. I guess this is just fans sort of speculating. The gasps heard at the end of each line refer to the gasps or quick breaths of someone experiencing a panic attack and express the story of a panic attack that Grain Chattin had in the London tube station, which inspired the song. Whoa. I want to talk with a gag. If it's a bottle or bag, I want to strike with the sag.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
I need the friends from it. I want a shot in the dark. I want to make the mark. I want to live the arc. I call the ends on it. I want to, I love them. I want to take the truth without a lens on it. My God given insanity. It depends on it. How I feel, how I feel. I want to kneel. I want to keel over harder than a turned up challenger. Do you inspire like the same did Selinger?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
I'm the pig on the Chinese calendar. I got a shadow like a 58 caliber. I want to move like a new salamander. I love the carrion who's a real scavenger. It's moral tyranny keeping me from thee. Hit me for the day for the light that you suffered to come by take to my sky. He's crazy. They're fucking, they're so period. I want to know there.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
I need to like, actually, next episode, I'm going to be fully tapped into this. So just know I will return to this. And any Fontaine's DC girls or people in the comments, let me know where to start and what the basis of the lore is. Because I'm about to dive in headfirst. Because they've just come on shuffle. And I'm like, I like this. I like this. I think that'll pretty much do it for me, guys.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
I don't know what the fuck I talked about on this episode. What do I ever... I don't know what I ever talk about, but thanks for listening. I appreciate it. There is about to be a royal court that's going to come out in the next month or so that is so horny. It is so incredibly horny. I'm... I think I'm a changed woman.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Like, I think it really impacted me in a way that is, I'm going to be unpacking it for a while. So be on the lookout for that. We got a bunch of exciting Royal Courts coming out. Something very exciting coming out the end of this month, the end of May. All right, if you guys want merch, go to broski.shop. You know the drill, Broski Report and Moomoos. Love you guys to goddamn death.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Be good, be safe, make good choices. Okay, bye-bye.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Direct from the Broski Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California, this is the Broski Report with your host, Brittany Broski.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
My taste buds did not let it. Speaking of that, I am not a cilantro girl. Okay? I don't know. Some of you bitches are on my team or on my side with this. I want to like cilantro. I want to be a girl that's like... On my taco, on my ceviche, on my fucking whatever. Throw as much cilantro as you can in there. I'm not that girl. I'm just not that girl. And it makes me feel bad about myself.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Because I got the gene. It's not even a soap gene. I just don't like it. And you know what? They put cilantro in a lot of Thai food or Vietnamese food. And it just ruins it for me. I'm like, this would have been a perfect meal if it didn't have cilantro. It literally, it ruins my whole day when one of the dishes I'm eating has cilantro in it because I don't enjoy the flavor. Maybe it is the gene.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Also, going back to the 23andMe thing I did, yeah, I know they're gonna sell my information to fucking whoever. I'm gonna delete my account. Don't yell at me. Anyway, I did 23andMe, and you know you can go through your traits. It'll take you through your traits. And I gotta put my sunglasses on. It's just a little bit, it's a little bit too much in here.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
And my sunglass lenses are all clouded up because my hair is greasy. So I don't... You guys need to fucking keep to yourselves. Repeat after me. Throw your hair up in a messy bun and fucking mind your business. That's Broski Nation's motto. Mind your business. Shut the hell up. Sit down. Hands where I can see them. You have a right to representation.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Anything you say can and will be used against you. That's the Roski Nation mantra. All right. What the fuck was I talking about? What was I talking about? Oh, I did the 23andMe and it is crazy how, I mean, it's not entirely accurate, right? It's kind of like astrology. You kind of pick and choose what applies, but it is crazy. I would say an overwhelming percentage above what I anticipated.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Is true for me. Like you can go through and be like, you probably have thin hair. Yes. You probably have this anti-cilantro gene. Yes. Actually, let me go through. I'm going to go through and read them. Well, one more time. One more time. You know what movie I think of for that song? Hotel Transylvania. Hotel Transylvania.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Can you see the lock screen on my cellular device? If you could zoom in, if you could do a crash zoom. It's MBJ. It's Dr. MBJ, Michael B. Jordan.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Hotel Transylvania reboot the musical on Broadway, The Squeakquel, starring the dolls. And then the poster is, we put the trans in Transylvania. Alex Consani is Dracula. You see where I'm headed with this, okay? Smash hit. I'll write the musical. We'll get Lin-Manuel Miranda to write the music. Boom. It's the next six on Broadway. Y'all don't fucking see my vision. Okay.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
It's crazy what is on here because how would any of this ever be linked to jeans? Put your body on my jeans. Ability to match musical pitch. About a 50-50 chance of being able to match a musical pitch. I can match a musical pitch. Asparagus odor detection. Likely can smell. Yes, and it makes my piss smell crazy. And I don't think that's just a me thing. I don't think that's just a Britney thing.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
I think if you're munching on asparagus, your piss is going to smell nuclear. Bitter taste, likely can't taste. That's not true. Bunions, less likely than average to have a bunion. And take that to the fucking bank. I'm bunionless. But however, if I would have been a ballerina, would I have been the greatest ballerina ever? Because I'm not prone to bunions.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Cilantro taste aversion, slightly higher odds of disliking cilantro. This is literally a trait on here. Fear of public speaking. Less likely to have a fear of public speaking. And period. Because I have the opposite of a fear of public speaking. I yearn to speak to the public. I yearn to deliver a message to the masses that ultimately is a message of joy and laughter.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
That's sort of my purpose and my mission and my mission statement and goal. Flat feet, less likely than average to have flat feet. I've got a crazy arch in my foot to the point where I walk on the outsides of my feet sometimes. Every pair of Converse I've ever had, the outside is more worn down than the inside. I don't know why I walk like that. Hair thickness, less likely to have thick hair.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Read, that was a read, and it's rude. ice cream flavor preference. Like what the, how do you bitches fucking test this? More likely to prefer chocolate over vanilla ice cream. That is true. You ran my spit through a machine and it was like, she fucking loves a rocky road. No, she loves a rocky road, but not with the nuts in it. She likes the marshmallow in the rocky road.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
So let's do a rendition here without the nuts. And I know that's not really a rocky road anymore, but just hear me out. It'll be sort of like the Fallon flavor for Ben and Jerry's, how Jimmy Fallon got his own flavor. Crazy, by the way. And Brittany Broski's flavor will be rocky road, but no nuts. It's a nut-free zone. Mosquito bite frequency. Likely bitten more often than others. Yeah!
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Every single summer growing up in Texas, I was riddled with mosquito bites. And some of my friends, they wouldn't even be touched. And we would always joke, I've got sweet blood. It's because I'm so sweet. No, girl, it's because my ancestry had predetermined the sickly sweetness of my blood. My Irish ancestors were getting bitten up. That's why.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Motion sickness, more likely to experience motion sickness. I don't really get motion sick. So you're a fucking liar. Photic sneeze reflex. Okay, I'm going to Google this, but here's my prediction of what it means. Sometimes when you're exposed to bright light or sunlight rapidly, it makes you sneeze. Photic. Okay, let's Google it. Photic sneeze reflex.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Why do singers do this shit? Ah! Ah! You got to lead the audience where you're headed. You got to mold them like some neato. I've been interested and curious about investing in a Neato gumdrop. Y'all know those stem toys? A Neato gumdrop. And it's got to be the textured ones. Because I went over to Drew's house. We had a little cousin sleepover recently. And she had one of those Neato gumdrops.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
The photic sneeze reflex, also known as achoo syndrome. is a condition where bright light triggers sneezing. I have this! I literally have this! That's crazy! How do you track that? Why looking at the sun can make you sneeze? What the fuck? It affects an estimated 18 to 35% of the population.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
While not fully understood, it is believed to be a genetic trait, with some theories suggesting a connection between the nervous system and the eyes. Holy shit. While sunlight is the most common trigger, other sources of bright light, like camera flashes or certain types of lighting, can also cause sneezing.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
The exact mechanism behind the reflex is still not fully understood, but some theories involve a connection between the eyes, nervous system, and the nasal passages. How crazy is that? And I think my papa has this too. Have y'all ever heard of a chew syndrome? What the fuck? Is Google lying to me? This is about to be the Google episode, by the way. I have so much to get to. Sweet versus salty.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Likely prefer salty. True. Wake up time. Likely to wake up around 8.57 a.m. You're fucking lying. If I wake up on my own, undisturbed, no alarms, dark, cold room, brown noise playing in the background, I'm waking up at noon. No earlier, no later, I'm waking up at noon. Because guess what? I went to bed at 4 a.m. So I'm getting a good night's sleep, but I had gone to bed at 4 a.m.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
My ideal, I think I've touched on this before of like night owls. Where are my night owls? Raise your hands. Okay, put them down. Okay, raise them again. Okay, put them down. My night owls, I truly believe that it's a mindset. of a night owl to find a bit of, is recuse the word I'm thinking of?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Recused is to challenge a judge, a prosecutor, or juror as unqualified. Oh, he recused himself. You've been recused. To perform legal duties because of a potential conflict of interest or lack of impartiality. A judge excusing oneself from a case. The Justice Department demanded that he recuse himself from the case. I'm thinking recluse.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
A person who lives a solitary life and tends to avoid other people. I guess there is a bit of I have a reclusive nature because I really enjoy my solitude. I enjoy being alone. However, of course, I love being with my friends, but the older I get, I know this is just kind of a natural thing that happens, but my social battery is waning very quickly.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
And it really takes a lot for me to build myself up because I spend a lot of time alone, traveling, working, doing whatever. But also my job is incredibly collaborative, but a lot of it's over Zoom. So I spend a lot of time alone in my house and I like being at my house, but there is a certain level of accessibility when you work from your house, right?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
Like you have to be on and accessible and on the phone all day. And if someone texts you, you have to respond. At night, that goes away. Everyone's asleep. And so when I'm awake, it's peace and I can do whatever I want. I don't feel like I'm It's like the Twilight Zone around that time where no one's bothering me.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
It feels like I'm the only person on earth and I can do the things I want to do without feeling guilty that I'm not doing other things. You know, that I'm not strategizing my business or working on future plans or writing music or writing episodes or brainstorming things. Like, that's my work. And while my work is creative... There are other sides to being a creative that really shouldn't overlap.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
92: Peeing in the River
You get what I'm saying? Like there are some creative things that are just for you. And then there are some that you choose and you should share with the world. But there are certain things at night where I want to like try something or create something or just be unreachable. And that's why I stay up late. Because I can do whatever I want is what it feels like. And then I pay for it the next day.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
Three-legged downward dog. Is that where we used to dildos? What is that? And so I look around and I say, oh, okay. She's got her knee up in between her breasts. Okay, perfect. Let me just go ahead and do that. I'm copying everyone. She's moving so fucking fast. And let me bitch for a second. When you move that fast, there is no way you're actually getting a good stretch in.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
There's no way you're actually getting a good rep in when you are going one, two down, one, two down, one, two down. What the fuck? I can't even, I'm so focused on trying to keep up with you that I'm not even doing the exercise. You know what I mean? I'm kind of doing like baby movements and I'm looking around, my head's on a swivel because I'm like scared.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
I'm like a chihuahua during a thunderstorm. I'm shaking. I need to work out in my thunder jacket. I started to get really frustrated, okay? So this is probably like 15 minutes into it. Then she makes us start doing burpees, bitch. Am I a middle school boy? I don't want to do a burpee. Like am I training for a fucking marathon? Am I an Olympian? Why the fuck are you making me do burpees? Oh my God.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
Burpees? Burpees just feel so like high school track to me. Do you know what I mean? Like I immediately was like, oh my fucking God, I hate burpees. I get dizzy. My ass gets dizzy. And then I feel like the fat girl. You know what I mean? So we're in this, we start to do burpees. Okay. I'm pissed off. Then she goes jumping jacks. I'm like, oh, I can do jumping jacks.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
Did I wear a supportive sports bra? No. No, I did not. So I was in pain. I'm hot. I'm in pain. And I don't feel... Okay, so we're doing jumping jacks. And I did like this part. Okay, we'll say about this, about the class. There's music playing the whole time. Was half of it Ed Sheeran? Yeah. Do I want to work out to Ed Sheeran? No. Okay, we're doing jumping jacks. And she starts doing...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
Up, down, up, down, up, and you slap your thighs. And I was like, that's fun because we all got into a rhythm. We were all on tempo, okay? No one was dragging. No one was, it was very nice. I looked around, I said, damn, okay, I can do this. But here's the thing about jumping jacks. Why are they hard? When you do 40 jumping jacks, they're hard. Anyway, so we do jumping jacks, whatever.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
Then we're on the floor. Then she says, get on the fucking floor. We incorporate weights. I can't. Okay, and I say that very literally, couldn't do it. I started to see spots in my vision. I genuinely, it was so hot in this room.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
This last time, hey, nothing really happened. I just, I lacked time management skills. And hold on, I want to give you guys a warning up front here, okay? Got back late last night from Eddyville. It might still be, I don't know, remnants. There might be remnants in this sort of flesh cavern that I've got going on. This flesh cavern that I'm housing, that I'm nurturing and healing.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
The weights were too much because at this point, you've been going for 40 minutes, like trying to do five pound weights and squeeze my glutes and then you put your bicep into your, I could not do it. Then that makes me feel weak, then it makes me wanna give up, and then I do give up, okay? I gave up, but part of it was, hey, I'm about to pass out. I went to go sit against the wall.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
Then that made me feel worse because I was like, I'm looking around and everyone else can. So here comes the rant. Okay, here's the rant. I'm looking around and everyone else is doing it, can do it, will finish. Like in their little aloe yoga, Lululemon bullshit, like matching set. And I started to feel so out of place.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
That's like doing a full workout in the Texas sun. There's no fucking way, like I will die, I will die. So I went to go stand out in the hallway and drink my water and I just like, it washed over me this wave of that shame of being in middle school or elementary school or high school, being the fat girl in PE, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
And if you've never been overweight, you don't really know that feeling, but if you have been overweight, hey!
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
It was not something I expected to happen, was to return to that mental space of being... the biggest person in the room, the last person to finish the exercise, if even finish, fitness gram pastry test, run the mile, do the crunches. I couldn't. It was so hard and embarrassing. There's nothing more humiliating than being in middle school, period. That's the end of that sentence.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
And then the next thing is, you know, being the big one. And that was a product of My family, the way that I was raised, you know, that if you would just lose a bit of white, boys would like you more. I'm at a point now, let me clarify, that that doesn't fucking matter to me. And like my body is not a piece of iced sculpt for men to enjoy looking at. Like my body is a living, working machine.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
I have a much different relationship with my body now than I did as a 12 year old. However, being in this core power class, feeling like the fat girl again, having to walk myself out of the room over the cattle grates into the hallway, like a heifer. I was, I was not having a great time to be euphemistic about it. And so I went back in cause I was like, I'm not going to quit.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
I just needed to like, truly I needed to get out of the room. Cause I was going to pass out. I go back in the room. I finished the last like 10 minutes of the workout and I did it on my own time. and I only did what I knew, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
If they're like, do the fucking triple downward dog, you even put your leg to your left bicep forearm, great, and breathe outward, two, three, four, good, now the five pound, I just did what I knew, and I did not stress myself out.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
And I know that a lot of you workout class girls in the comments are gonna be like, that instructor should have helped you, they should, you can always do it on your own time. No, no. Because if I don't know the moves, I can't do it, right? Okay, anyway. My experience with Core Power was less than ideal. It did not make me feel strong.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
You know what I mean? So they have these ones, like I'm going to be out of it today. I just want you to know. They have these ones that are like watermelon flavored. Oh my God. Oh my Lord, are you serious? Does y'all's grandparents ever used to tell you that if you ate watermelon seeds, one would grow in your stomach? What a cruel, unfunny joke.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
I think it was jumping into the deep end with this idea of a workout regimen. I don't work out. Like I'm going from genuinely zero. I do not move my body. The most exercise I get is walking around airports, truly. Like those are the only days that I meet my fitness goal, quote unquote. And my doctor literally telling me like, you have to move your body. You're losing all this weight.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
You're just going to be skin. And I was like, I just got a surgery. And she looked at me. She said, no, you need to go to the gym. And I said, so core power. After that, I went home and I was sore the next day. But it was that good sort of sore where I was like, this feeling does make me want to keep going because I got through that shit. I didn't fully give up.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
I wasn't like, well, I'm fat, so fuck all you guys. I'm gonna go sit out in the hallway for the whole time. No, I finished the class and I went home and I was like, Am I going to let this fully deter me from finding something that is doable for me? Because I have to get above zero. Do you know what I mean? I went zero to like 95. I want to rest around 25 somewhere. So I was like, you know what?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
I'll keep trying. I posted on my Instagram story. A bunch of y'all swiped up. Try Pilates. I thought, okay, I've seen Jake Shane do Pilates. That shit looks hard as fuck. The way he shakes, my God. Hi, Jake. I was like, if that's Pilates, like Glenn Powell Pilates. But I tried it, okay? So I went with my friend Lawrence.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
And we did it, and we did a private class, okay, because I learned my lesson. I said, I'm not doing this group class bullshit with the – because Pilates is, like I said, it's a playground. It's this, like, sliding. You got a ball. You got a box. You got some armbands. You got toys, and you're jumping on shit. And you're like – it's a game.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
And I was like, I am going to kill myself by accident, by accident on this thing. So I said, I need an instructor that is only paying attention to me because I need attention and I need help, if you can't tell. So we go to Pilates and Lawrence does Pilates every fucking morning. And so he was kind of, he was great.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
This instructor was so nice and it was a much more pleasant experience for me because first of all, the room was set at 68. Thank you, Jesus. The room was set 68 degrees. Thank you. Thank you, Lord. I have a video to show y'all. Actually, really quick. What the fuck have I been talking about, dude? What am I talking about? The edible is like swirling around in my brain still.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
I took it like 12 hours ago. Watch this.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
Okay, let me explain what I just pulled up. Okay, what was I talking about where I even had to bring this up? Oh, this is one of those viral clips. that from the early 2010s, you know, late 2000s, that my family fucking loved. Everyone in my family has seen this video. It is a cult classic in my family. This is a televangelist, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
Up until the ages of probably, to be completely transparent, 15, 16, I was like, I can't hide watermelon seeds, and I'm gonna look pregnant. And then I'm going to look pregnant. Okay, guys, what's been going on? Man, it feels like forever since we've kind of spoken, you know, in this strange, dystopian, parasocial way. Let me just get comfortable here for a second. What's new in my life?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
I can't remember his name for the life of me, but he's a very famous Southern televangelist. He would go on these, what are these called? Fundraising, you know, tele... You know what I'm trying to say. where he's trying to get you to tithe to the church and call in and do this, he would get these attacks during these commercials or these shows.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
He'd get these attacks of just gratitude and overcome with the Holy Spirit, okay? When he'd do that, it would literally derail his sentence and he'd go, All you gotta do is call him to thank you, Lord. Amen. Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Lord. He'd pat his stomach. He'd pat his chest like this. And so after a while, because people were like, he does that so much.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
They started making these joke videos on YouTube where they'll take footage from his show of him doing that and they'll add farts in to make it look like he's passing a fucking kidney stone or he's finally like, you know, this gas has been tormenting him and Jesus took it away, took the pain away. And so that's what these videos are. I've seen these so many times. Let's keep watching.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
Stop. Stop. That will always be funny. There is no way that y'all are giggling at that. Are you serious? Anyway, that's how I feel. I don't remember what I was talking about. Pilates. I don't know how the Farting Preacher, the original Farting Preacher 5, the title of this video, don't know how that correlated to Pilates. Anyway, Pilates was playing.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
She had me doing all this shit with my knees and my legs, and I was tucking it in, doing all this, and you know, you get gassy. And you know how they'll fart babies? They'll burp babies with their legs, and they'll push them into their chest, and they'll push a fart out? That's what Pilates is. Pilates is the excuse to act like a grown-up baby.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
I'm surprised they don't give you pacifiers and fucking bibs when you walk in the thing. They're like, you need your grippy socks. You need your light-up shoes. Now go play. Now go get your, put your stuff over there. Put your grippy socks on. All right, y'all be safe. Y'all be good. Have fun. I'll be back in an hour. That's how it felt, me dropping myself off at Pilates. I was like, bye mom.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
Anyway, we walk in there and I see this shit where it's the springs, right? And she's got you up on a box with your knee at a 90 degree angle and you're pushing back. And it's about the resistance that you have to control it. It's about controlling it. Yeah, I get that. I'm shaking. I'm shaking. And I'm going to hurt myself by accident.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
And then she was like, you're going to squeeze this ball with your gooch muscles. And I was like, I just, it was a lot. It was a lot. But I give it a five out of 10 because I think the experience of having it be just me was nice. Just me and my friend where I didn't feel left behind.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
Here's something that I need to speak about because I need to bitch and complain, okay? So we're gonna, look, let me get this rant out of the way, let me talk about this, let me talk about this, and then I'll move on to some funny stuff, okay? Here's the deal. Actually, before we do that, let me just get this in really quick, because this will be coming out on election day.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
If I would have done a Pilates class without being taught what the shit is, the reformer, because you have to have a device to do it. You have to buy the jungle gym to be able to, you know, do Pilates. I think I would have been even more discouraged. So it was nice doing a private class. Next, I tried bar method. Okay.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
Now bar method, I went by myself because both of those times I went with a friend. This, I went by myself. I'm working up the confidence, right? And so I booked bar method and I go and it's all women. First of all, can I just say that?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
Actually, My whole demeanor is about to change when I talk about this because it was a very positive experience for me. Okay, that's good. That's that's crazy Coming out of my mouth. I booked another one to go tomorrow We're getting somewhere.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
Okay, I think starting with the extreme I cried in my car afterward Moving on to you know, like less intensity bar method was fucking intense but in a different way This it's good for me. Okay I am seeing videos on TikTok of, if you have tried Pilates, have you ever tried bar method? And it's like, fiend, fiend, fiend. It's like edits of women in bar method. And I'm like, what is this?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
And so I go and look it up. Both Pilates and bar method were created by like scientists, by physical therapists from one of them from the Second World War to as a form of there's a term for it, but it was it was to rehabilitate. It was to rehabilitate people with back injuries, leg injuries, injuries from the war. You know, it was a form of physical rehabilitation.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
And keeping that in mind, I was like, this could be good for me. Because as I've talked about, I have sciatica, which is a searing pain that stems from your sciatic nerves, which is like kind of the base of your spine. And it shoots down the back of both of your legs. For the longest time, I was just told, well, it's because you're fat. Well, maybe if you could lose some weight. Here's the thing.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
It's a cycle, right? I can't lose weight because... my body hurts and my body hurts because I'm fat and I'm fat because I can't lose weight. And it's just this cycle of, and also knowing now with the PCOS, I retain fat in certain areas that is so much harder for women with PCOS to lose than, you know, a man that's a little overweight because it's hormonal and it's like a reproductive issue thing.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
Anyway, the bar method incorporates a ballet bar. And I was intrigued by this because I was seeing TikToks and I was like, if it's kind of like a Zumba class without serious choreography, I could try that out. Then I start seeing videos and it's like intense. The only reason you use the bar is because you're up on the balls of your feet like a ballerina for half of the class. And it's like...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
working out your hamstrings, your thighs. It is so much core strength to be able to do that and to bend down and push your body weight back up. You use this little ball for resistance. It's a lot about stretching. I loved this. The last 10 minutes of the class was yoga. It was cooling down. It was stretching your back.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
Holy fuck, please go vote. Hello, hello, are you 18 and up in the continental United States? Not even continental, are you in the whole United States? And have you registered to vote? You know, in some states, if you are not registered to vote, I'm literally like pleading with you on my knees.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
It was stretching, but it was also getting like a good, you know, you can stretch and incorporate weights. She turns the music volume down and the lights down. And it's about being grateful for what your body can do and honoring your body by treating it well and using it and moving it in a way that
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
builds muscle because I don't have any muscle and part of the reason I have sciatica I'm just bitching at this point part of the reason I have sciatica is because I have a weak core a lot of that pressure and stress goes onto my spine and on my butt because I sit all day anyway bar method You use the grippy socks. It's a carpeted floor.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
And you use the bar, which was really fun because you get to like put your leg up on the bar and like you get to do the ballet moves. I was kind of living the fantasy. Like I felt a little bit like a dancer. And this is part of the, okay, now the story gets beautiful. I've been bitching for what? 35 minutes. Awesome. This is where it took a turn for the better.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
Recently in my life, there's been a combination of things and choices that I've been making for myself that... It's so cornball and this is not a self-help episode, okay? But these are little things I've been doing that I've been putting off in my life. You know what I mean? I've been putting off working on this thing about myself or prioritizing XYZ thing or making time for something else.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
And I'm at a point where I'm tired of living like that. It makes me feel bad about myself. And so I've cut off people that are not good for me. I have healed or am healing my relationship with food. Shout out to Alyssa's magic on TikTok. And I am finding a balance of moving my body that I like. And I think a lot of it is the energy and the attitude towards it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
Core power in Pilates is a very intense, like working out is my thing. I do Pilates, I do this. I wanna do something that's like, yeah, this is just how I move my body. It's not this intense, workout culture around this specific activity. It's something that, above all else, I can walk out feeling like I did a good job, I'm proud of myself, and it wasn't too much of a challenge.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
I book a class with Bar Method. There's a bunch of different types of Bar Method, Pure Bar, Bar Express, Bar Foot, whatever. I book a classic signature Bar Method class. I go in and I'm in my workout stuff and I go up to the counter. First of all, the energy in there was so like, I don't know how else to say it other than like pink. It was just so positive and encouraging and sweet.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
Like, immediately I walk in, a bunch of girls are coming out of a class, and they all, like, have their towels, and they're talking, and they have, you know, their wad bottles, everyone's smiling. And this girl comes out of it in this cute little set, workout set, and she comes up to the front, and she goes, hi, how are you? And I was like, oh, I'm great, you know, how are you?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
If you have put it off until literally election day, some states, you can go in, when you vote, you can register to vote the same day. So you can register and then you can vote the same day. If you waited, y'all, seriously, I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed, go fucking do it, okay? Truly the fate of the country is in our hands.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
She said, are you Brittany? And I said... Well, yes. Like a kindergarten class. What's your name? I was like, I'm Dismini. I'm Dismini. I'm 15, 20, 25, 27. I'm Dismini. And so she was like, are you Brittany? And I said, yes. And she said, it is so nice to have you. Come on in. Like, is this your, have you ever done this before? And I was like, no, I haven't.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
And I told her my history with, you know, I've tried Pilates. I tried core power. It was just way too much. And I'm just trying to find a way to move my body because I don't work out like at all. I'm going from zero to whatever this is. She was like, well, I'm glad that you have, you know, chosen to join us today. Let me give you a little rundown.
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And so she so she led me through the studio and she shows me, you know, here's the locker room. Here's the whatever. Here's the room. It's going to be get yourself two-pound weights and three-pound weights. I'll take care of everything else. Just keep your socks on and meet me in the middle of the room. And I said, okay.
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As we're walking towards the room, all these women coming out, she's greeting each of them by name. She's pointing out things they did well during the class and things that, you know, she's encouraging them.
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asking them about their jobs everyone smiling like it was so I don't know how to describe it without it sounding so cornball fucking Barbie movie like it was just such a positive feminine energy in there and bar method isn't just for women but it was all women in this class And they're all smiling. They were like, thank you so much. It was a great class. I'll see you next week.
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Like that sort of thing. Everyone's like, yes, you know, good luck on your test or whatever it is. And I was like, oh, my God, this is it was immediately a different vibe. There were plants everywhere in the lobby, whatever. And so we start the class. And she was so. first of all, let me say cognizant of this was my first time. It was another girl's first time.
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And everyone who has been doing bar method for a long time in there, you couldn't tell other than the fact that they were able to do more reps than everyone else. Like you could still see they were, you know, like it makes me feel good when a seasoned veteran of some of this shit is still sweating and huffing and puffing because I know it's supposed to get
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easier the more you do it but the fact that it's still like the level of endurance that they're doing is not that different from what I'm doing you know what I mean like it I felt like it was a more level playing field there were women of all shapes and sizes in there all ages as well
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And from the very beginning of the class to the very end, it was exactly how I would want an arc of a workout class to go. You start with stretching. You start with minor weights when you have like the bulk of your strength. It worked out every single part of my body. And then towards the end, you start to do the bar, which was so hard but so fun.
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And it was so cool because we're all doing like dancer moves. But it was hard as fuck because it's working out, you know, your glutes or your hamstrings or whatever. And it made me feel strong without feeling pushed to the brink of what my body can do. Do you know what I mean?
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And then we end the class, she dims the lights, and it's a bit slower music, and she ended it with, and if I'm about to cry, just ignore it. She ended it with this sort of yoga thing of asking us to inhale positive thoughts about ourselves and exhale negative thoughts about ourselves. Bitch, I damn near started to cry. Also, I've read all these things about...
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And that's kind of all I want to say on that is that there is a reality that we might face that scares the living shit out of me. Okay? So please, please vote. Please vote, please vote. Okay, moving on. I want to talk about Pilates because what the fuck are you bitches smoking? Okay, Pilates was just playtime. is an adult playground. Like, truly. Okay, here's the thing.
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Exercise is such an emotional thing because it's releasing hormones and it's releasing endorphins and things like that. And it's not that abnormal if you cry towards the end of a workout or whatever, because you're releasing things from your muscles and it's just a lot of energy.
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And towards the end of it, when she was saying all that shit and I looked around the room and it's all women with their eyes closed, like thanking their bodies for carrying them through a workout like that and how grateful I am to have a body that serves me. And that keeps me alive and healthy. And, you know, I just I think it was like guilt wracked over me. I haven't treated it well in the past.
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And I'm so proud of me now for taking care of it. And here are all these women who have for one hour. Decided to come together and share this space and do this together and and just be here for a moment in time just like taking A moment of appreciation for what our bodies can do. I don't know.
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It's such a fucking polar opposite relationship to like Even my relationship with my body four years ago two years ago like we are so cruel to ourselves and um This is, this is the level for me that I think I've been looking at. It was hard. That shit was hard. Okay. Cause it's pulsing and it's in one, but it's in a way that's a lot more doable for me than a core power thing.
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It was hard, but even leaving the class, I went and cried in my car again, but I was like, you know what? I would do this again. And so I'm doing it again. And we'll see. I could be really over it and I could be like, never fucking do that shit again after four classes. But the experience was very positive for me, which has never happened in the history of ever for me when it comes to exercise.
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And I just have such a negative attitude towards it. I didn't grow up in a family that did that. I didn't grow up in a family that cared about health at all until it was too late. You know, when it's like getting a kidney transplant or getting a liver transplant or having emphysema because you smoked for 40 years or you got diabetes and so you need to do this. It's about...
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managing the health issues when they come up. It's not about preventing them. It's not about making choices, you know, that will keep you alive longer for your kids and your grandkids and your family. Those choices, it feels like, I don't know, my family's very weird about that sort of stuff. There's not a good diet. We don't move. We don't hike. We're not one of those outdoor families.
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We're very AC-centric family. And for the longest time, I was like, you know, that's just how it is. You're raised in the South. You know, I've got lard and gravy in my blood through my veins. It's just sort of, if you were to cut me in half and look in my arteries, there'd be some sausage in there. There'd be little bits of sausage, I think. sausage and like a roux.
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You could make a roux with, okay. So no, like having that as my foundation, anything is an improvement, right? That's how I'm trying to look at it. Because if I push myself too hard, too quick, I'm going to give up completely. And I know I will. So I'm trying not to do that. But bar method, yeah, bar method was like a 6.8 out of 10 for me. And it's exciting. There's a lot of things that I am
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I am using this period of like Q4 of 2024 as a catalyst for what I want my 2025 to look like. Do you know what I mean? There are things, you ever go through a breakup so bad, it's like, I have to start playing piano. Oh my God, I have to take up a creative writing class. Like it truly woke me up out of my eternal slumber to be like,
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Oh, my God, there has to be something else I can do with my time. Then sit here and look at his profile. Are you fucking stupid? So I signed up for piano lessons. I still do my Spanish lessons. I am now, I guess, doing Bar Method. And... I'm going to keep crafting. I've taken a break from crafting because I'm kind of over the air dry clay. I need to find something else.
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I need to find something else. Foam clay has been brought to my attention, but it's very sticky. Need to figure that out. But it's stuff like that where I have made excuses for so long to not do things that would make my life more full. I have been for, I'd say like a week and a half now,
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Let me give some background. I have PCOS, as we all know. Woo! Where are my big forehead, balding, fupa-having PCOS sisters? Guys, throw a fist up in the chat for the PCOS women, okay? And people. You don't have to necessarily identify as a woman to have PCOS. Okay, here we go.
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really really into like old Anthony Bourdain books Anthony Bourdain for a lot of people was a reminder that the world is a lot smaller than you think it is and that there are more things that humans can connect on than argue over I think The introduction, there's a lot of things happening in my life right now that I'm just, I'm putting the pieces together.
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Anthony Bourdain's perspective and what he shared with the world was like that coupled with eating good food and making myself good food, with keeping up my second language studies, with working out my body and honoring what my body can do. And also with working hard. There are so many things in production and projects that we're launching soon that I've been working on for a long time.
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And I cannot give all of my energy to that if I'm physically not well. So it's just a lot of changes I'm making in my life. And Anthony Bourdain, for some reason, keeps coming up as this... I am very weary of the word hero because I don't think it's fair or realistic to say that another person is your hero.
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But there are qualities of those sort of people that it's all I could ever want to be, you know? And seeing... I'm reading Kitchen Confidential right now. That's what I'm getting at. It's one of his first nonfiction books that he wrote that just talks about how nasty the restaurant industry is, but at the same time, how uniquely...
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what a unique experience it was, but at the same time, altogether not unique, because he describes being a chef, being a cook, as a slowly dying subculture. A subculture that in America, for some reason, is uniquely like, It's, it's ne'er do gooders.
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It's pirates and convicts and just, you know, men and women and people who are a bit rough around the edges who have maybe had not so easy a go at life to have you end up on a cook line, you know, as a line cook. I think seeing it through his eyes like that, the way he describes it of here are people that
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have such rich backstories, rich in the sense of a lot happened, that have been thrown together of all different backgrounds and create this mafia pirate crew sort of camaraderie in the kitchen. And it's not without your scars and being humiliated and, you know, being made fun of to get to the point where you're great. So in Kitchen Confidential, he tells the whole story of
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how he got into cooking and how he fell in love with it and how there's levels of pretentiousness to it that while, sure, that's its own industry of, you know, the Michelin stars and European cuisine, there are so many things around the world that are just as good as, if not better, than gourmet dining. Anthony Bourdain's favorite country in the world was Vietnam.
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He said he loved the people, the culture. The first time he went there, it was just so life-changing for him. The food, the best in the world. And it's like, I admire how he went into all of his experiences with such an open and curious mind. And I don't mean that as like, I'm forcing myself to be open. He was genuinely there to learn and ask questions and listen.
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PCOS has a whole just amalgamation of different symptoms that for the longest time were attributed by most doctors to just being overweight, right? It took this one doctor who Remy Ashton recommended to me, God bless her, that really tackled what the syndrome is, you know?
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He loved to talk, but he loved to listen. And there's so many things to take away from that. It's also such a gift to, I would say specifically Americans, because we're very navel-gazing. His show, Parts Unknown, was a gift to... People who sadly but realistically probably will never make it out of the United States in their life. They don't have a passport. They never will have a passport.
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They will never be able to afford international travel. It's just not an opportunity for them. What a limited worldview. And some people are fine with that. They would rather hide under the shade of xenophobia than ever actually open themselves up to learning just how big the world is and how vast human cultures can be. They're fine being in their little hole. And all that to say,
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His TV show showed those people what they would not be fortunate enough to see. You know, he brought the great big world to the American living room. And it was very, very inspiring that here he is because he's charismatic and, you know, can speak this language of food with people. But at the same time, the show wasn't even fucking about food after a while.
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So anyway, been thinking a lot about Anthony Bourdain and I'm taking the time to figure out what it is truly like in my adulthood. Cause I had this realization the other day, I'm a full ass adult.
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Like there are things that I was going through some old videos the other day and just the way that I used to decorate my bedroom here since I've lived here, like three, four years ago, how I've gone through different styles and hairstyles and changes and the music I was listening to. And all these things are parts of me, but I don't relate to them anymore.
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And it makes me think a lot about the future. And it's so exciting that I don't know who I'm going to be in the future. I've talked about this before, but seeing where I've come from and seeing the influences that I have right now, it's very fun. It's very exciting to reinvent who you are and rediscover what you like and what you want to do. And
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what you want to say that you have done by the time you're on that hospital bed. You know what I mean? By the time you're old and gray, will you lay there and be like, I am so happy with what I chose to do with the time I had here. And for me, looking in the mirror and realizing I used to be able to play piano because I took lessons when I was nine. I can't anymore.
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I used to be able to speak Spanish very fluently. You know, I can now, but I have to keep working at it. Cooking. I want to get better at cooking. This Anthony Bourdain book is kind of lighting a fire under me. I like to take a cooking class for basics. I don't want to do like culinary institute, that sort of thing. I mean, like,
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And not a lot of doctors know a lot about it because it's one of those things where it's like, well, if you have all these things, it's probably PCOS. the diagnosis was correct. I mean, I can only assume. All of my symptoms, irregular periods, thinning hair, strange body hair, like all the, like something was wrong with my hormones and with my ovaries.
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how to care for kitchen knives, how to best make some basic dishes, how to blend flavors and know what to look for, that sort of thing. It also inspires me to shop local. There's so many farmer's markets around here. Love. Anyway, there are things that I want to make active changes in my life that are so much more important to me than men and spending time with men, trying to attract men.
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I really, this is always in my line of like what I'm, My self-growth and my evolution is that the older I get, the less of a priority it becomes. And I would say it's not a priority right now and hasn't been for a while. And it's a beautiful, beautiful thing to remove that and just completely crumble it up and throw it away and be like, look at all this shit that's left. Wow. This is who I am.
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That's who I am. Whoever the fuck I act like or whatever I do when I'm speaking to a man. No, I did not. And if I did, no, I did not. Because this is who I am. You know, I love music and I love language and I love history and I love all these things that make me me. And rediscovering those things and watering them, watering those flowers so that they grow and they become, you know, they shine.
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That's what I want to do. So starting now and carrying that into 2025 is my goal. And I'm very, very excited. Sorry. Is that cringe? Sorry, is that cornball? Anyway, I don't know what I've been talking about. Here were three notes that I had that I was going to talk about that I guess I'll talk about next time. What is lymphatic drainage and how do I empty it like draining a pool?
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Moose are so scary, bro. They're my biggest fear other than death. That was something I wrote. And then I had a new ASMR account that I wanted to show y'all. Oh my God, I actually wanted to talk about this really quick. Watch the Justin Bieber documentary on YouTube. First of all, yeah, I'm a Belieber, always have been. Justin Bieber...
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I have dived back into the discography, and let me tell you, it stands up. It holds up. It is fantastic. It will not let you down. I've been back on Believe, and there is this song, because here's the song of the week. It is Out of Town Girl by Justin Bieber. Oh my God, and two others. Runaway Love from My World 2.0 and Right Here by Justin Bieber and Drake. Great song, okay?
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I'm back in my Belieber phase. All of the documentary basically is about how much of an angel Haley is. And I truly do think she, like, saved him. Like, guardian angel type shit. Like, truly, she is a blessing to his life. Because when you're that famous that young... I actually, I'll talk about this next episode because I have things to say.
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When you're that famous, that young, with so many negative influences on you, so much expected out of you, so many ideas of who and what you should be, where does the soul of you actually go? And I think Haley sees the soul of him, me acting like I know them. Haley sees the soul of him. And it is, it was validating for him in a way that an audience, a label would never be able to validate him.
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I really would recommend that documentary. It was really special. And I also watched his Zane Lowe interview because then I was on a Justin Bieber kick, of course. The two men of the hour right now, Anthony Bourdain, Justin Bieber. Okay? So yeah, that's been... Because I used to love Justin Bieber as a young woman, as a young girl. So I'm rediscovering the things. You get me, okay?
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So that being said, I have always been, as we know, as we know, a little tubby, okay? And I say tubby with a capital T. I say tubby written in bubble letters.
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Guys, seriously, thanks for listening. I don't know what I talked about. If you have any other workouts that you think from what I've described, you think I would enjoy, because fuck Pilates and also fuck core power, let me know. And just for real, let me know. Please go vote. Please go vote. Please go vote. You don't have an option. Fate of America is in your hands.
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And to all my international fans, pray for us. Seriously, y'all. Love y'all. And if you want merch, go shop. Broski.shop. Go get your Moomoos and Broski Report merch. Go subscribe to the Royal Court YouTube channel because we've got a lot of exciting new guests coming. There's one, y'all, there's one coming later this year that you are going to freak the fuck out.
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You are going to freak the fuck out. So I just need y'all to lock in on royal court because I'm not joking, bitch. I'm not joking. I love y'all. Chapel Roan's country song. Are you out of your fucking mind? It's so, it's so well done. Well done. Okay, I love y'all. I'll see you next week. Bye.
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bubble letters I used to do that okay where it looks like they're all squeezed together and you like play with dimension you add little like bubble shines do y'all remember okay anyway I was tubby written in bubble letters and it was always this sort of thing of like I'm the fat friend right I'm the plus size friend I was the duff if you want to be you know um What is the word I'm looking for?
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If you want to be primitive about it. If you want to be primitive about it, I was the Duff, okay? Do I think that about myself now? No. And did I think that about myself at the time? No. But looking back, I can sort of describe what that feeling is. All my fat bitches, you know what I'm talking about, okay?
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To be the biggest person in the room, to be the person that visibly you know I struggle with probably food, my relationship with food, my relationship with my body, and come to find out my diet... was contributing to my PCOS. It was exacerbating my syndromes, right? All that to say, I recently went to see my doctor and she looked at me and she was like, you're not working out.
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She said, you're not working out. And I said, well, she said, you need to work out. And I literally rolled my eyes and she said, no, no. And I was like, here's the thing, right? I've tried workout classes. Like, I'll try. This is a lie, what I'm about to say. Just know that I'm lying when I say this. I'll try anything once, right? That was a lie.
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But in theory, I'd like to believe that about myself, but I know it to be not true. So, moving on. After this doctor's appointment, she was like, You know, the diet is only part of it. You know, I can't have gluten, I can't have dairy.
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I can't have avocado, I can't have banana, I can't have coconut because all these things are, they have things that will inflame my body and make me swell up like a balloon. And also carry extra weight. And so she was like, you need to start working out. And I was like, I don't want to. She's like, just start with walking. I don't want to. But I will. Okay.
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And so she was like, you need to start working out. I said, okay, well, I don't have the discipline nor time in my schedule, me making excuses, to prioritize that. And she said, have you ever done a workout class? And I said, no. Like, no, I think I did Zumba with my mom in 2011. She was like, try a workout class.
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And luckily enough, the same day, my friend Meg had texted me and she was like, do you want to come to Core Power with me? Now, what the fuck is Core Power? Oh, I was soon to find out, okay? I was soon to figure it all out. Core Power? is actually gonna be a HIIT workout class, and whatever the fuck you core power bitches are smoking, it's cheap, okay? It is a form, I think it's masochistic.
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What you bitches do at core power, I think it's sick in the head. Here's my experience, okay? And this is no hate to core power, it just was not for me. I go in thinking it's going to be a yoga class. I go in thinking it's going to be breathe in and breathe out. Good gratitude for your body. Okay. First of all, I walk in. She says, get a yoga mat and get weights. Weights?
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Okay, and so she said, get light and heavy weights. I said, heavy? And so I got two pound, five pound. Bitch, five pounds is heavy when you're doing . Girl, that's heavy. So I walk in, I say, okay. I'm there with my friend Meg, we get the mat, we get the weights. Mind you, it is 95 degrees in this room. Immediately, I'm mad. It's 95 degrees. It is hot core power sculpt.
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Bitch, this was a HIIT workout class for like a professional dancer is damn near what it felt like. I walked in there. I said, I did not realize I was Wildebeest Adams. I did not realize I was Matt Stefania. unity, and diversity, okay? Jade, what was her name? Chinoweth? God, I loved her.
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They, oh my God, wildebeest atoms! Or was it Matt? They had this video of, got some party favors for you. Who was that, Ciara or Tinashe? Got some party favors. That song, Jade Chittawith did a choreographed dance to that song.
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did I try to learn it in my room yeah I did okay me like in knee pads and a sports bra in my room just giving everything I have just trying my hardest I used to memorize which this is not shocking if you have seen one episode of my podcast I used to memorize Beyonce tour choreography
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And one thing you start to notice about Beyonce's tour choreography is that she'll repurpose old moves, obviously, but she will incorporate new songs to do the dances to. For example, the famous from Beachella when she did Everybody Mad, the, I've been getting to the money, where she does the, I've been getting to the, that one, okay? Everybody mad. I've been getting too much money.
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Everybody mad. That one, that choreography, she's used a bunch of different, for a bunch of different songs. And I think it's so iconic, and she knows that people will do it along with her. The same with Diva, obviously the same with Single Ladies, whenever she performs Single Ladies. Those are like the beginner level, okay?
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I'm talking about if you know I'm Awesome, I'm so awesome, when she kind of did some of the similar choreography. Panda by Desiigner. Okay, all of these, what I'm trying to say is that choreography was fun to learn because you would already know some of the base moves. Why am I arguing I'm a dancer? I'm fucking Tate McCray.
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What's going on, broski nation? Damn! It's time to be annoying. It's time to be annoying. Guys, put on those hats, hands on the wheel, veer very hard into the left lane, okay? Brick on the gas pedal. We are so back. I've been gone. I've been gone, okay? I always say this. I take a break. I have a freakout. I come back. I take a break. I have a freakout. I come back, okay?
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And like the thing about having a dancer's body, and thank you for asking, is like shut the fuck up. Like shut up. I just had a visceral flashback to like doing the dance challenges on the Wii and having it pop up and say on the Wii Fitness, you are obese. You are obese. Hey, I'm nine. Oh, okay. I'm actually nine and we're bowling. But thank you for telling me that I'm a big fat hog.
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This shit starts so young. This episode is going to be called Big Fatties. This one's for my big fatties. Okay. Anyway, we were in this core power class and And I've done a workout class maybe once or twice in my life. You know what I mean? Like, it's not, I'm not doing that. Like, that is just so not the fiber of my being. Okay? I was meant to sit down.
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I was meant to live a very sedentary lifestyle. I'm not drunk. I just had a protein shake and then a Red Bull. We're in this core power workout. She says get weights. It's 110 fucking degrees Celsius in the room. I lay out on my mat. I look around. Everybody's stretching. Okay, well, guess what I'm going to start doing? So I start stretching.
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I'm kind of nervously looking around, talking to my friend Meg. Okay, the instructor comes in. Immediately, she has way too much energy, okay? Immediately, I'm kind of... Have you ever seen a squirrel, like, when it hears something? Or, like, a raccoon when you first open the dumpster and you see the little family, the little colony of raccoons in there? And they do... That's how I felt.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
71: Anthony Bourdain & Pilates
She walked into the room. I said, immediately she's, hello, welcome to the court of power. Inhale, exhale, beautiful. Two, three, four, and right. Okay, pump, pump, pump. What the fuck is going on? What's going on? And I said, okay. I look around, I said, what's happening? And so I started trying to copy everyone, okay? Because these are basic yoga poses. I don't know what the fuck that is.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
So he gets out, he goes back home, he escapes, and he starts making Mach 2, Mach 3, Mach 4, and that's how we end up with the red and gold Iron Man suit. Now, the integral part of Iron Man is that that scientist that was in the cave with Tony puts this... arc reactor in his chest. And it's a magnet. It's an electromagnet that keeps the shrapnel from going to his heart. It like suspends it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And he realizes that this is something he's going to have to deal with. And so when in Iron Man 2, stay with me, in Iron Man 2, his blood toxicity is increasing. So he recognizes his conditions getting worse. He starts really doing some self-destructive behavior because he knows that he's dying. He knows that he's dying.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And there are tonics and things like this that he's created to quell the symptoms. But ultimately, his blood is being poisoned and he is dying because of all the metal in his body. Towards the end, he discovers slash death. Yeah, he doesn't invent. He rediscovers an element that his dad had actually made a sort of prototype for back in the 40s, 50s, 60s.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And he discovers it because Howard Stark left behind all of these things for him to use as tools to finish. Because, of course, he was limited by the technology of his time. And he knew that Tony... being his son and being a genius, would be able to complete the plans that Howard put in place, you know, 80 years ago.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
So he does, discovers this new element, and it completely fixes the shit going on with whatever. And then in Iron Man 3, of course, he gets the arc reactor taken out. Now, any questions for me about the plot of Iron Man? Anyway, while in Iron Man 2, when he's testing that new thing, that's what I was likening it to, is this new Red Bull flavor. I'm not liking it, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Tastes like coconut and metal. It's what I was juicing up this morning. And it comes out of my chest. The arc reactor beam comes out of my chest. That's how I feel on this podcast. You give me one and a half Red Bulls. Oh, and mind you, I did have an espresso this morning as well. I'm realizing that it's not really sustainable what I'm doing. Because I have to come in this room juiced the fuck up.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And usually I am. Usually about 85% of the time on this podcast, the juice is flowing. And by juice, I do not mean liquor. I mean strawberry apricot Red Bull that makes my throat close up. Okay, anyway, let's move on. This episode is sponsored by SeatGeek. It's a new year. It's time to leave the house. And I have the perfect suggestion for how.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
With over 28 million downloads, SeatGeek is the number one rated ticketing app. There's more than 70,000 events listed on SeatGeek, including concerts, sports, festivals, and more. So many artists are going on tour, and you can get tickets to Kendrick Lamar and SZA, The Weeknd, Beyonce, and more. I love using SeatGeek, and I found my sleep token tickets for me and my friend for a steal.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
SeatGeek has your back. Each ticket is rated on a scale of 1 to 10, so you know you're getting a good deal. Look for the green dots. Green means good, red means bad. Plus, every ticket is backed by their buyer guarantee. And you know I came through for y'all. You can use code BROSKI2025 for 10% off your next set of tickets at SeatGeek. That's 10% off any tickets with promo code BROSKI2025.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Make sure you click the link in the description to download the app and have the code automatically added to your account so you can use it later. Thanks, SeatGeek. This episode is sponsored by Tinder. Did you hear a recent study found that 80% of women find having a hobby sexy? Imagine that, someone having personal interests and passions. Different people find different hobbies attractive.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
For some people, it's cooking or reading or rock climbing. Mine is straight men who watch the Broski Report, all four of them. Now, alternatively, if your whole personality is crypto, yeah, you're going to need to show us something else before you show us that profile. The judges are asking for some diversity. But here's what's fascinating.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Why is there cyanide in tampons? So I made that up. Arsenic! Now see, sometimes I get arsenic confused with arsonists. And I was like, surely that's not it. It's arsenic, sorry. I'll be taking an arsenic pill every morning. Arsenic and tampons. Arsenic is a naturally occurring element that can be present in soil, water, and plants.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Pottery and plant parents are having a moment, something about someone who can nurture things and create with their hands. It's very primal in me. And don't sleep on the unexpected ones like woodworking. Build me a book nook. How about a birdhouse? Now let me share some insider tips for showing off your hobbies on Tinder. First rule, action shots over gym or car selfies.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Show yourself actually doing the thing you love, not looking like a psycho freak. Your bio is also prime real estate. Instead of just listing hobbies, make them conversation starters. Try looking for someone to try my experimental eggplant brownie recipe. That hits a little different than, I like cooking. And when you match, your hobbies are literally the perfect conversation starter.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Trust me, talking about something you're passionate about is way more interesting than, hey. Tinder is perfect for showing off who you are through your interests. It's not just about looks. It's about finding someone who vibes with your hobby. Explore all the possibilities for yourself, Tinder. It starts with a swipe. Download the app today. Back to the ballet. Back to the ballet. Saw Swan Lake.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Now, for anyone who has not seen Barbie and Swan Lake, go watch this. Pause this. Pause this episode right now. Go watch Barbie and Swan Lake. I don't give a fuck if you're driving. I don't give a fuck if you're at work. I want to see an extra monitor pulled up with Barbie and Swan Lake now. Go watch it and then report back.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
So for those of you cultured citizens who have seen Barbie and Swan Lake, and shout out to my sister because that's one of our favorite movies. That movie honestly did a fantastic job of telling the plot of Swan Lake. Because think about it, ballet, there's no dialogue. It's a lot of this, okay? It's a lot of signaling and no and heart and want, okay? It's all miming. There's no words.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
There's no dialogue. There's no mouthing. It's hard to tell a story that way. You are genuinely telling a story through the classical music accompaniment and the dance. It's hard. And set design and all that, you know, whatever. Yeah, okay. You fucking bitches. I know. I know.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
I feel the need to qualify every single statement I make because people in the comments are going to be like, well, actually, part of what goes in is right now. Shut up! I feel like HRH collection sometimes. There's a little bug in the back of my brain that's like, I can predict I'm six steps ahead, right? I know what people are going to be mad about.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Because I didn't say the stage design is also a vital part of ballet. Okay, Swan Lake, if you've seen Barbie and Swan Lake, very, very accurate telling of the plot line of Swan Lake. So essentially, I'm going to do this from memory, and then we're going to fact check it on Wikipedia, okay? And is Wikipedia reliable? No, it's not reliable, but it's all we have!
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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It's all I feel, let me be honest, it's all I feel like referencing at this point in time, okay? So, Swan Lake is about a young woman who is cursed by a sorcerer into becoming a swan. And she's only human for a few hours at a time. Other than that, she's a swan on the lake. Simultaneously, there is a prince. He is the queen's son, and it's his name day. It's his birthday.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And it's about time for him to select a wife. He doesn't want to do that. They bring six maidens in front of him. They all do a crazy little dance for him. He's not fucking with it. He is not rocking with the six maidens. For his birthday, his mom, the queen, gives him a crossbow. Okay, loves the crossbow. Him and the boys are going to go out and hunt. So they take the crossbow.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
He's like, fuck all this party. I know there's a bunch of bad bitches in the throne room. Don't care. I want to go be with my boys. Gay, right? Him and his friends go out and go into the woods for a hunt. They go on the hunt. with this beautiful golden crossbow. And as he's about to, boom, shoot a swan, which first of all, why are you shooting? Are you eating swan meat? What the fuck?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
It is believed that arsenic may enter tampons through the cotton or rayon used in their production. Studies have detected arsenic levels in tampons ranging from 0.002 to 0.035 nanograms per gram. These levels are generally considered low, but they're still higher than the maximum allowable level of arsenic in drinking water. Yay.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Why would you shoot a swan? Oh, the most majestic creature probably to ever live. Yeah, let me gun it down. Gotta get that barbecue swan meat. Yeah, just the pulled swan meat for me. Yeah, on a brioche bun. Thank you so much. Can I get a side of waffle fries with the swan meat? Oh, you're out of swan? Fuck. All right, we're going to go somewhere else. Swan meat? Leg o' swan.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
What do swan legs look like? Swan leg.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Goofy all legs, bruh. That is so, it's just tendons. No meat on the swan bone. I wonder what that, I wonder what that feels like on the hand. Like if you were to grab, if you were to grab a swan by the legs, would it be rubbery? What does a duck foot look, feel like? Is it rubbery or is it like a dolphin skin? You know, where it's kind of like smooth and shiny?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Or, because they've got to have some grip on there, right? Also, I'm seeing some crazy talon action. What the fuck? Swans have talons? Oh my God, swans are dinosaurs. That's a dinosaur.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Do swans have talons? What the fuck? relaxed webbed foot of a mute swan. Hind toe claws can scratch. Swans have claws that can scratch. Why is no one, why is no one talking about the fact that a swan's foot is called the webbed or palpated feet of birds can be categorized into several types.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
palmate, only the anterior digits are joined by webbing, found in ducks, geese, and swans, gulls, and terns, and other aquatic birds, ox, flamingos, fulmars, jaguars, loons, petrels, shearwaters, and skimmers. Birds are crazy, but swans are so pretty. They're pretty, but they've got razor-sharp Banshee-like talons and claws. Knee, hip, ankle. Why? God, that is just beautiful though, isn't it?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Look at that wing. It's like an angel wing. Do you think the modern understanding and depiction of angel wings is based on swan wings? Where do angel wings come from? Angel wings are a symbolic representation of qualities like guidance, protection, and purity. Okay, anyway, back to the prince. Prince is on the hunt. Aims the crossbow at the swan. Before he can do that, stop, it's a woman, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
He goes and dances with the woman because she is beautiful, stunning, the most gorgeous creature he has ever seen. They dance in the wood. And it's a beautiful, oh, it's a pas de deux, pas de deux, two, two people dancing together. Pas de deux, deux, un, deux, pas de deux, pas de deux. We have got to get a linguistic guy just sitting in the corner in here.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
The long-term health effects of exposure to low levels of arsenic through tampons are not well known. However, arsenic is a known carcinogen, yay, and can cause a variety of health problems, including skin lesions, cancer, and cardiovascular disease. Awesome.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Who's just a polyglot who speaks every language for... Language? For every time I have a question, I can just be like, right? Anyway, now hiring. If anyone is a polyglot, go ahead and let me know. We can just Zoom you in. Anyway, they dance. It's wonderful. And then she has to go because she turns back into a swan at night, okay? Well, he returns to the castle. Oh, he's in love.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
He's sar, sar, sar in love. And they... promise each other that they're each other's only ones, they're in love, whatever. And also, it pays to mention now that the only way to break the sorcerer's curse is true love. Duh! Duh! Is it your first day on planet Earth? Yeah! True love's kiss. Anyway, opening of act two is... Another birthday celebration for my young boy.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Another birthday celebration for bruh. Bruh is, again, dancing with all these maidens. Who gives a fuck? He's thinking about Odette. And there's all these... Actually, the top of Act 2 is really fun because all these different countries or cultures, so to speak, come in and do a little jig for the prince and the queen. And... They incorporate, I was trying to, me and Stanley were like, who is who?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
There was a Spanish one. There was like a Russian one. There was a German one. There was, oh, there was like an Arabesque one. Really gorgeous. And they do all these and they're all in their like respective little outfits. And it was so much fun. And the music is so good. So that's kind of a breakup of the... Because that music is so, it's so heart-wrenching and it's so like dramatic or whatever.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
If you are concerned about the presence of arsenic in tampons, consider using organic or bamboo tampons, which may have lower levels of arsenic, but never free of it, right? Never truly free. Choose tampons made from materials that are not bleached or treated with chemicals. Wash your hands before and after inserting. Yeah, we get that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And then the top of Act Two was like, they have tambourines. Anyway, so at this little ball, right? Roth, Rothgart, Rothbart. Von Rothbart, the sorcerer, okay, the sorcerer who cursed Odette, he's off number one. He comes in in disguise with his daughter named Odile. Now, Odile is dressed just like Odette, but in all black.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Well, the dumbass, stupidass prince thinks that that's his woman, so they start dancing together. Oh, they're so in love. Oh, they kiss. Oh, they're, well, I just miss you so much. You want to be my girlfriend? Yes, I'm gonna be the king! Okay. They are betrothed. Then during the ball, a vision of Odette appears above the throne room. And it's her dancing like this. Okay.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Because she's the swan and her wings brought her wings. And he sees the vision and realizes what he's done. This is not Odette. Shorty is not Odette. So he runs, he flees from the building. He knows what he has to do. Oh, he's going to apologize to Odette. Oh my God, I'm so sorry. How can I do that? I did not know it was you. I did not know it was not you.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Okay, I saw another baddie and she was dancing with me. Pas de deux, pas de deux, and I didn't know. So he runs back into the forest. They start fighting. Yeah, they dance together for a second. And Odette and all her little swan girls are just mourning. They're lamenting. And it's actually so cute because the swans protect her when the prince comes around.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And when Von Rothbart comes around, they protect her for a second. And then, of course, the prince and her find each other. They do a little dance. They're in mourning. And then Rothbart comes out. They all start fighting. They're fighting. They're fighting. They're fighting.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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And then towards the end, and this is the fun part about Swan Lake, is different companies do different endings, which is, I think, fun and slay. It's kind of like that episode of SpongeBob when you had the DVD where you could pick your own ending. The Flying Dutchman episode, hello, does anyone get me?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Remember you could pick your own ending where one of them, like Patrick was in that fruit smoothie, and another one was, do y'all remember that? I had that DVD. Anyway. It's very much that. And so some iterations will have Odette and Prince, I think his name is Siegfried, up on this hill, this cliff. And they know that the only way to break the curse is they have to die.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
One of them has to die, right? Because she can never be free because he picked Odile. And so she jumps, she jumps from the cliff, and Siegfried follows her, and that's the end. This one we went to, the end was, it was beautiful. I just got to chill thinking about it. There is this light coming from stage left,
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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it's just this like big spotlight and it's very minimal lights above the dancers and it's almost this godly omnipotent light and the swans form a line around odette and
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Here's my thing, though, is even things that are sold as organic or marketed as organic or sustainable or all this shit, who's to really say? And of course, there are measuring techniques to measure a company's sustainability. It's actually called a CSR, a... Commercial sustainability report, consumer sustainability report, CSR. Corporate social responsibility. Well, I was in the world.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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her and the prince embrace one last time, and then she does that crazy, like, where it looks like they're floating across the stage, they're like, with their little feet, and she does it backwards, and she's doing her hands like this, oh, I love this one, like, and she just disappears into the light, and she's smiling, and she, like, waves him goodbye, and then, of course, he's heartbroken, devastated, and then it ends.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
So, like, she had died. So good. It's so good. And there's also this move that they all do. They all. It's Odette and Odile. And some of the backup swans. Where they do their hands like this in front of them. And that's to represent the dying swan. They also do this crazy move where I was like...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
They do this crazy move where it looks like when swans sort of fly and then get in the water and just sort of coast. Do you know what I mean? You guys just don't. Okay. You know, or when birds flap and then they get in the water and then they kind of like float on the water.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
They would do a dance move that looked like that, where they would do this and then they would like hop on one leg and it looked like they had hit the water and they were just coasting along the water. I'm picking up on this shit. I'm watching, that looks like a swan. Yeah, that looks like a swan in a lake. Yeah, yeah.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Stanley, okay, so here's a, I'm talking the whole time narrating it. Okay, so that's actually called a fouette and she did 32 of them. I did say that. I leaned over. I said, she's about to do 32 fouettes. Fouettes are spins with your leg up in the air and it's completely balanced. And you, you spin around, you get back on point every single time. She does it 32 times in a row.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Also Tchaikovsky did the, uh, he composed the music for Swan Lake and for the other two famous ones, Nutcracker and the third one. And, uh, That music that the 32 Fuentes are to, oh my God, go watch it. Go watch Swan Lake 32 Fuentes compilation on YouTube. It is gag. How the fuck?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Also, to practice that, you have to be really careful not to let one of your legs become more powerful or muscular than the other. especially for any combinations that require spinning around the stage. I forget what that's called. You're spinning around the whole stage really quickly, and it's on one leg that you do the actual spin on, but you're on two. Okay, hello.
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That, how can you not just like... your right leg is roided up, just like rippling with muscle. And then your left leg is a little noodle. Like, how is it not that? It really takes so much behind the scenes, obviously rehearsals and practice, but these people are athletes. They are athletes, bruh. I'm telling you, it is so impressive. And then they look pretty. They look pretty when they do it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
I literally went home that night and I said, this, this is going to take over. And did I email a local dance company around my neighborhood? Yeah, I did. Yeah, I did. To do an adult ballet class? Yeah, I did. Because I had a moment of just blissful inspiration where someone commented under a Bruce Gruber video, dude, hit up a local dance studio and say, do you do adult ballet intro classes?
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And guess what? I did. And then I got kind of scared and I didn't respond. But they were so nice. They were like, hi, Brittany. Yes, class is on Monday. And I said, oh, I'm nervous.
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But what time is it? What do I need to bring? Is there an entry fee? Do I need to pay? Do I need to have pointe shoes? I don't know.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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They're like, you don't have to buy. You don't have to bring pointe shoes. We're just going to be stretching for first.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Just being way too defensive. Anyway, yeah, I had emailed a local dance company because I don't give a fuck. But I do. Ultimately, I do. Because there's something very humiliating about dancing. And rewind to me 30 minutes ago being like, just try dancing in your kitchen and I'll really fix everything wrong with your life.
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No, I think it's something embarrassing about, it's like singing in front of your parents. Like, I don't want to do that if I don't have to. I don't want to do that if I don't have to, but I want to. Yeah, I'd like to. One of these days, I'm going to work up the courage and I'm going to go. I'm going to get some of those little dance shoes and I'm just going to go.
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Not pointe shoes, the other ones they wear. They don't have a box in it, but it's like, it's still got the elastic on it. I just really think that that's in my future. It's something that I see for myself. So yeah. Also, you know, in this theme, this ever-present theme of Renaissance woman, that I want to have lived a full life and tried anything that interests me to give it a shot.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I was on the planet, but I wasn't in the city, okay? Corporate social responsibility is based on the idea that businesses have a duty to society beyond making profits. These practices should include being transparent and ethical and complying with laws and international norms. To that point.
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Do y'all hear how cotton mouthy I am? Fuck this Red Bull flavor, bro. I'm telling you, it's not good. I am going to finish it, though. Yeah, I don't know what's going on with that Red Bull flavor. Pull it off the shelves, team. It's making my tonsils touch. Jack of all trades, master of none.
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That's really, and I know there's like a negative connotation to that a little bit, but also, no, there's not. Jack of all trades, master of none. Someone who's competent in many different skills, but not an expert in any single one. Essentially, someone who dabbles in a variety of things without achieving mastery in any particular area. without achieving mastery. That's tough.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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That's tough to read. It implies that while a person can perform many tasks, they lack the depth of knowledge and expertise to be considered a true master in any of them. Yeah, because that takes a lifetime of work. I just want to be an appreciator of a simple bystander, right? And a true fan of that art form that I like. And you don't have to be great at something to appreciate it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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You don't have to be great at something to say that you do it. Okay? And hear me when I say that. It's not even like a New Year's resolution. It's just sort of my... Jesus Christ. I am so sorry for all the phlegm in my throat this episode. Yeah, that's just sort of my personal doctrine moving through the rest of my life.
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Because some of the people that I look up to the most or really idolize are that. They are so cultured in a lot of different ways. in a lot of ways that are not related, you know, to know so much about this one thing that is completely disjointed from Swan Lake or it's just like to have, I think to have an across the board knowledge is signs and evidence of a life well-lived.
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And yeah, just to say that you've tried everything. Okay. Here's something completely separate that I also want to talk about. This episode is sponsored by ZocDoc. Why is it that when we need a new doctor, our first instinct is to post in that group chat? Anyone know a good PCP or OBGYN?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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I'm definitely guilty of doing it, but I always end up finding out that the recommendation is not in network or the office is way too far from my house. Enter ZocDoc. ZocTalk is a free app and website where you can search and compare high-quality in-network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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We're talking about booking in-network appointments with more than 100,000 doctors across every specialty, from mental health to dental health, primary care to urgent care, and more. You can filter for doctors who take your insurance, are located nearby, and are a good fit for any medical need you may have.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
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Also, with hundreds of verified patient reviews, you can find the type of care and support you're looking for, from good bedside manner to fast wait times to doctors with the best listening skills. Once you find the right doctor, you can see their actual appointment openings, choose a time slot that works for you, and click to instantly book a visit.
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Appointments made through ZocDoc also happen fast, typically within just 24 to 72 hours of booking. You can even score same-day appointments. Everyone knows I used ZocDoc to find my dermatologist, and I am single-handedly keeping his practice in business. Know that. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to ZocDoc.com slash broski to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
To that point, I've talked about greenwashing on here before where companies, specifically car companies, just to highlight one, will do this thing where they'll put a little green leaf next to an option or planes do it too. Like we're going carbon free by, hey, no, you're not. And also that's not going to fix anything. It's a step in the right direction. It's not going to fix anything.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash broski. ZocDoc.com slash broski. Okay, completely separately. I went to NASA. this past week. Hey, the most fun I've ever had. Shout out to the team at NASA, because I got a cold DM from them that was like, Brittany, we'd love to have you. If you're ever in Houston, just come. And I was like, I'm literally going to be in Houston in two weeks.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And so we coordinated, and I got to go with Tato, bestie Tato, and my mom and dad. How fun is it? We got a VIP tour of NASA, and let me tell you something. A lot of people think that NASA... shut down after they stopped the shuttles. And it's just simply not true. It's not true. You know, for people like me, like on the fringes of... The scientific community. I try my best.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
I try my damnedest to understand. But sometimes that shit is not for me. Okay? Because I'm actually studying on a very hyper-intensive level the plot of Iron Man 1, 2, and 3. And as that relates to... You know, a lot of my scientific understanding comes from the Iron Man universe. And that's not easy for me to admit. It's not fun for me to admit. But it's kind of, you know. So...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
It's just very, my worldview and scientific understanding is very limited because that's not the part of my brain that is there. Okay, when God was sort of cooking me up in the oven, forgot that ingredient. He forgot the science ingredient because y'all watch me struggle through these Google searches. What is centrifugal force? Centrifugal motion. Centrifugal motion. Centrifugal, centrifugal.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
I'm not getting physics. I'm not getting electricity. I'm not really understanding any of it. So a tour like this, imagine my awe and wonder because so much of NASA and what their current missions are, which is, by the way, establishing a home base on the moon, SLEI, maintaining the ISS, International Space Station, SLEI, And third of all, the long-term goal of establishing something on Mars.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Okay, some form of, like, we're still, and think about this. They've only been really freaking their shit like this for probably 25 years. Like, space exploration is so new. And I know that sounds like a stupid statement, but you would think that, okay, first man on the moon, 1969. We've made great discoveries and breakthroughs since then, but it's really not as much as I thought.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Like, it's crazy. And a lot of the equipment that is up there and even some of the government buildings that NASA's housed in. And I went to the Johnson Space Center. There's another one in Florida, the Kennedy Space Center. And there's another one in Alabama. And there's another one in Arizona. Or is it New Mexico? There's one in Canada. There's one... I mean, there's all over, right?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
International Space Station, of course, has a bunch of different points globally of if it were to go down, if anything were to happen, it is an international effort, which is truly beautiful. We got to walk through a mock-up of the ISS, which is so neat. And there are different... different areas, they're called nodes of which country sort of not donated, but contributed what.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And there's an American side, there's a Russian side, a Japanese side, this, that, the other. And it's just all this stuff interests me where our tour guide was saying that it is common courtesy on the ISS, which at any one time probably has about 11 people on it. I think there's seven up there right now. About 11 people can fit on the ISS. Crazy, by the way.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Because you think it's this huge warship, like, aircraft carrier that has 250 people working on it. Like, I don't know. I don't know why I think they're in Star Wars. I mean, it's very small and contained and... Think about how much preparation and training goes into sending people into space to go be up there and collect samples and do this, do all that. It is so intense.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Maybe I'm just being doom and gloom today. I don't fucking know. But CSR was my introduction to, oh, everyone's lying to you. When we studied this in college, I was like, oh, I've just sort of been lied to. And how naive to trust that these brands who want me to buy their product would be telling me the truth about what they're doing with my money. You know what I mean? That's on me, actually.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And so, yeah, only 11 people. It is so specific and selective and for a good reason, right? Okay. So many variables that could go wrong. You need highly trained individuals. 11 people up there. And when you're going back and forth or for whatever reason, like if you're an American in the Russian node, all of the controls and the signs in the Russian node are in Russian.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And obviously all the ones on the American side are in English. And they said that it is common courtesy when you enter into the Russian side, you should speak Russian. And when Russians come to the American side, they speak English. And it's just this sort of common, like there's banners on the space station. How cute is that? What else?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
They showed us, oh, you know that scene from The Martian where he, those little plant, incubator things where he grows that potato. And it's the most emotional scene in the movie when he runs out of ketchup on that one potato. Yeah, I almost turned the damn movie off. I couldn't handle it. It's too much. That is so scary. Matt Damon is my hero. Matt Damon is just my fucking hero.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
That scene where it's that wall of all the planters. In this mock-up, they had one of those. So cool to see. Where it's like the sun lamps and there's water and you keep them hydrated. Just crazy. We're growing shit in space. And I also did not know that there is evidence on Mars of moving water. Again, I'm not tapped into this shit. I'm not really, that's not for me. I'm not being targeted.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And when I get TikToks about space, I scroll because they freak me out. But that's the shit I want to see. And so all these formations on Mars, I could be talking out of my ass. Let's Google it. Almost all water on Mars today exists as polar permafrost ice, though it also exists in small quantities as vapor in the atmosphere.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
What was thought to be low-volume liquid brines in shallow Martian soil, also called recurrent slope linae, may be grains of flowing sand and dust slipping downhill to make dark streaks. While most water ice is buried, it's exposed at the surface across several locations on Mars. In the mid-latitudes, it is exposed by impact craters, steep scarps, and gullies. Steep scarps and gullies!
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Who the fuck wrote this, a pirate? Water ice is also visible at the surface at the North Polar ice cap. Abundant water ice is also present beneath the permanent carbon dioxide ice cap at the Martian South Pole. More than 5 million cubic kilometers of ice have been detected at or near the surface of Mars, enough to cover the whole planet to a depth of 35 meters. Wait, that's scary.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Even more ice might be locked away in the deep subsurface. Wait, I'm scared. Some liquid water may occur transiently on the Martian surface today, but limited to traces of dissolved moisture from the atmosphere and thin films, which are challenging environments for known life.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
No evidence of present-day liquid water has been discovered on the planet's surface because under typical Martian conditions and ambient atmospheric pressure, warming water ice on the Martian surface would sublime at rates of... See, you're losing me. You're losing me right here.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Before about 3.8 billion years ago, Mars may have had a denser atmosphere and higher surface temperatures, potentially allowing greater amounts of liquid water on the surface, possibly including a large ocean that may have covered one-third of the planet. Water has also apparently flowed across the surface for short periods at various intervals, more recently in Mars history.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
See what I'm saying, dude? Because he was saying that some of the... movement or tracks in the sand is, or not even sand, the surface of the planet indicates moving water. And I was like, that is crazy. Red rising is happening. It's real. It's real. We're terraforming Mars. We're terraforming the planets. It's just crazy. So yeah, I think, honestly, here's one of my reflections from going to NASA.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
That's on me for being naive and trusting a corporation. And to that point, saw this TikTok the other day, not to get political, saw this TikTok the other day that said, why are we treating the US government like a business? Because if there is one thing that we know to be true about businesses is they don't care about the consumer. And also, I'm not a consumer. I'm a citizen. I have rights.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
First of all, humans are amazing when we work together. there are truly no bounds for what we can accomplish. It left me feeling hopeful. And second of all, we are so limited and bogged down by red tape because NASA is a government agency that contracts companies, commercial, like SpaceX and Blue, whatever the fuck Jeff Bezos is, like all these sort of private companies that they contract
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
to either build craft or things like the technology, like Velcro was made for space, I'm pretty sure. You're not allowed to say Velcro though, because that is a, it's copyrighted the way that Kleenex is copyrighted. Velcro. for space. Okay, so I had lied. Essentially, Velcro wasn't developed for NASA, but NASA used it in the Apollo missions.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Velcro is used in many products, including clothing, footwear, packaging, medical supplies. NASA used Velcro to secure equipment during the Apollo missions. The Velcro brand of hook and loop was invented by a man named George de Mistral in the 40s while hunting in the Jura Mountains in Switzerland.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
He was a Swiss engineer, and he realized that the tiny hooks of the burrs stuck in his pants and in his dog's fur, he wondered how they attached themselves. Because nature is the greatest inspiration. Nature is the blueprint. Have y'all seen those things of like stars in nature? How sometimes on a cellular level, it's a star or how leaves form stars, star fruit, this, that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
It's like some of these patterns or shapes are truly natural. Like they occur naturally in nature. And it's just amazing. Even when you think about things like a spider web, like, why is it so complex and beautiful? If the goal is just to trap food to eat, why is it beautiful? Why is it so intricately designed? and symmetrical. That's the craziest bullshit is that there is a symmetry in nature.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And that gets back to like Fibonacci sequence and all this, where for whatever reason, nature is mathematical. And a lot of like, this is a perfect example of he recognized something like, why do birds get caught on things? And what is that technology? And how can we harness that and use it for other purposes? But it was naturally occurring. So, so fucking cool. So fucking cool.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Yeah, that's what I'm fucking talking about. Things NASA invented.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
memory foam, camera phones, freeze-drying, insulation, solar cells, foil blankets, food safety, water filters, ear thermometers, wireless headphones, cochlear implants, shoe insoles, prosthesis, athletic shoes, LASIK, scratch-resistant lenses, baby formula, cordless tools, dustbusters, smoke detectors, computer mouse, cordless vacuums, Nike Airs? What? See, this is just... I love this shit.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Anyway, the whole NASA trip was so fun, learned a lot. And I guess I just misunderstood where we're at in the grand scheme of things when it comes to space exploration and space travel. We're not that far. And let me qualify that statement with, we have made leaps and bounds, right? Like, we have done things that... people 400 years ago would call magic. And it is magical.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And so, of course, recognizing how incredible, especially when internationally these teams work together, what we can achieve and how far we've come since the 60s or the 70s, especially through all the government red tape, what we've been able to accomplish. However, It just makes me so upset. Like, what are we missing out on?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Because NASA and what it's able to do and what it's able to greenlight is limited by who the fuck sits in the Oval Office. Like, it's just so endlessly annoying and makes me mad. So very cool, though. I got my little NASA sticker on my thing. Got my little NASA sticker. I'm a fan. And with that, I'll leave you with my song of the week. It is My Love Will Never Die live by Hosier.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
You know what I mean? I'm not just... Anyway, saw that and I was like, it's so fucking true. It's so fucking true. She's spitting. That is so true. Okay, let's move on.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
This is on the extended version of self-titled. I, can I admit something? I'd never heard it until like two weeks ago. And I said, My God. So lock into that. Super, super good. If you want merch, go to broski.shop. Go subscribe to Royal Court now. Now. We've got a crazy guest coming. Y'all are going to freak the fuck out. Very, very crazy guest.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And yeah, keep your eyes peeled for an exciting project coming out later this month. Love you guys. Bye.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
You may be wondering, Brittany, did you go to the New York City Ballet? Brittany, I just had this feeling that you went to the New York City Ballet. I want to put all of your worries to ease. I did go to the New York City Ballet, and I did actually buy this beautiful blouse, this beautiful sweatshirt. that has all the positions, okay? First position, second position, fifth position.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And you dirty gutter-minded bitches are not, I'm not talking about sexual positions. I'm not talking about Eusexua by FKA Twigs, which by the way, that album is crazy. That album's crazy. Sometimes I'll get super high and listen to it and I get scared. Sometimes I get high to listen to FKA Twigs and get scared. But it's all love. It's all in a good way.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Sometimes it's just a bit too much for me when I'm in that mental state. I tried to get high and listen to Sleep Token the other day. Almost had a fucking panic attack. Damn near had to take myself to the hospital. So don't do that. I like to reserve, you know, Still Woozy and Sports, the band Sports, and California Honey Drops for those sort of scenarios.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
They make just great, oh, who's another one? I can't bear for you. I can't bear for you. Who sings that? Disco Surf? Disco... Disco... Surf Curse.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
That song... Look, if you have the means... If you're in a state where it's deemed safe and doable, go ahead, pop a little Eddie for me and listen to this song and just close your eyes and dance. When was the last time you bitches had just danced? Just with reckless abandon. Just close your eyes and dance in the kitchen. Have you done that? Have you thought about Dancing to Disco by Surf Curse?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Release date 2019. Just close your eyes and dance around for a second. Might help. Look, it's not going to fix it, but it might help. Now, back to Eusexua. Yeah, that kind of freaks me out sometimes because she is, and I know this to be true, a goddess locked in human form. Do you remember from Pirates of the Caribbean? Calypso.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
How she was like a goddess and she was trapped in a human body and her and Davy Jones had been lovers and they had been torn apart. I imagine FKA Twigs, her energy and her being is too divine and it is too sacred. And I think her creativity is just like, she is leaps and bounds ahead of the rest of us. Someone put a curse on her and trapped her in human form.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And I'd like to get to the bottom of that. So we're going to get the Broski Nation research team on that really quick. And we'll get back. We'll give you progress and updates as they come in. Back to the ballet. How the fuck did I get started talking about that? I went to the New York City Ballet. You hear all the mucus in my throat?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
So me and Stanley went and it was in the Lincoln Center, the Lincoln, the David H. Koch Theater. Of course, me and bro went to the cock theater. Yeah, he loves that one. He loves that theater. It's his favorite theater. So we went, and first of all, super busy, completely sold out, which is so heartwarming. And there's a part B to what I'm about to say.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Actually, I'm going to address that first, and then I'm going to get into the part A. There is clearly, when it comes to the arts, like Broadway, any live play that's in a professional capacity, any musical, any ballet, any opera, things like this that are live performance theater, there is a barrier to entry.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
These tickets were so expensive and it really just, I don't know when this happened because I remember going to see like Lion King, the musical with my mom in middle school and being blown away. We were pretty close up and I can't imagine they were that expensive of tickets. You know what I mean? Because that had to be like 2009, 2010. These fucking ballet tickets, one ticket was $250.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
What are you talking about? All of this ties into the monopoly that Live Nation and Ticketmaster have on literally everything, how that form of art should not be gatekept because of finances. It actually enrages me. Like, it actually makes me so upset. that you cannot spend $40 on a ticket to go see a ballet. And that may spark something in you that, you would never otherwise know.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
There is a barrier to entry on the arts, and it's something that really, really bothers me. It's just been something I've been thinking about. And thank fuck for YouTube and all these things where you can see some of these most famous ballerinas in the world from Russia or France or London, wherever, and you can watch their variations and you can watch their performances in live 4K.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
But nothing beats watching it in person and hearing the tap of the pointe shoe box on the stage and seeing the makeup and the sweat and remembering that these people, they're doing it right there and they do it every single day. They do it sometimes multiple times a day, I mean, it's just, it's psychotic. And also Swan Lake, it's the same ballerina that dances for Odette and Odile. It is nuts.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
If you know Dahlia, whatever her name is, Dalida, I found my love in Portofino. Guys, what are we sipping on this morning? First of all, welcome back to The Berserk Report. Second of all, check out this Coca-Cola can mug. The bounds of human innovation. We really hit it with this one. We really did it with this one. Mm-mm. Now, what's in there, you may be asking?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
It's nuts to me. Me just marveling at like live performance.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
It's not even on YouTube on my phone. It was fantastic. I cannot... Like, I just don't. I was so excited, and the excitement did not stop. Afterward, I was like... And Stanley kept asking me all these questions. Sorry, my mouth is watering crazy right now. I'm trying this new Red Bull flavor, and it's kind of making my throat close up. Strawberry apricot? Like, my throat's kind of closing up.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
It's kind of... Maybe we might need to take a break. Yeah, not loving this flavor. Me looking at the thing like it's, I can read it. It's just my Coke mug. Yeah, strawberry apricot Red Bull. I don't know what you put in there. It's anti-Britney venom. You put anti-Britney venom in there because you know I flock. I flock to Red Bull like a snake to a rodent.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
You put Red Bull within a 10 mile radius of me, I'm going to sniff it out and I'm going to sink my teeth into it. This, I don't know, man, my tonsils are kind of swelling. I don't know what you're doing. What's going on with strawberry apricot, team? See, this is what I get for straying from blueberry. Blueberry is my go-to. It's my tried and true. I know it well. I know the effects.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
It's almost a part of me. You know, I've got however many arteries coming out of my heart. There's a fifth one. Aren't there four? There's a fifth one there. And that's just sort of straight Red Bull up to the heart. And it just... I'm like Iron Man. I'm like Iron Man in Iron Man 2 when he creates that new element. He discovers that new element.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
and they're running tests on it, and he goes, tastes like coconut and metal. And if you've seen Iron Man 2, you know that was a great impression. It was a great impression. Y'all don't get me. God, I'm leaking. My tonsils are swelling up. My nose is running. I'm drooling. Fuck! Okay.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Like I was saying, in Iron Man 2, and he discovers that new element, and he's like, he puts it into the arc reactor in his chest, which of course is a part of him, because it's magnetically keeping the shrapnel from going to his heart. Are you guys keeping up?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
Because when there was that bomb blast in Iron Man 1, which was, and not to get too deep into Iron Man, because I will, because remember, Tony Stark goes out to the desert, in the Middle East to go see what Stark Industries weapons, to give a weapons display, right? An exhibition of what the new Stark Industries weapons of mass destruction can do.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And he is getting a contract with the US government. Well, of course it goes wrong. And of course there's other things at work, but he watches, in a very dramatic hyper-political scene, he watches the same weapons that he designed to kill and maim foreign humans kill American servicemen. And he has this full circle moment of like, I'm part of the problem. Right?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And so therefore, from then on out, when he gets back to the U.S., everything's fine. Sorry if I'm ruining the plot. It came out in 2008. Fucking watch it, maybe. When he gets back to the U.S., he immediately gets this press conference. He gives a press conference where all these reporters are there and...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
He completely uproots and remolds the mission statement of Stark Industries to be that they are going to be focusing on scientific research. They are no longer going to be creating these weapons of mass destruction because he's seen firsthand the ripple effect, right? And now how ridiculous is that?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
That you have to be over there and be personally affected by it to realize, I'm aiding the war effort. Negative connotation, right? Anyway, Iron Man, love that movie, great movie. Now, in the bomb blast, part of the whole thing is when he's giving this crazy Stark Industries weapons display, something explodes, and he's in the splash zone, so to speak. He gets riddled with shrapnel.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
a little bit of lead, a little bit of cyanide, right? I'm trying to do this thing where I'm doing small doses. You got to work yourself up. Every morning, I take a capsule of lead, a capsule of Red 40, a capsule of microplastics, and a capsule of cyanide. Because apparently, cyanide is in tampons, right? What are we talking about there? And why is that? Why is that even...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
86: Red Bull Turned me into Iron Man
And someone takes him in as sort of like prisoner of war type of thing, realize he's a scientist, and they want him to recreate a missile. And in the meantime, because he's my goat, because he's Tony Stark, he's my goat, he creates the Iron Man suit. which is this prototype with the help of the scientist that saved his life, and thus we have Iron Man.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
I'm staring from across. I'm across the street and I'm staring at you like this. POV, you're a man with a mustache. I'm across the street. Okay. We lock eyes and I'm doing the Miley Cyrus stare with blue eyes. And then a bus passes in front of us. And then when the bus passes, I'm gone. That's how I feel towards men these days. I'm like, And then the bus passes and then I'm gone.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
And then he's like, what the fuck? And he looks behind him. I'm behind him. But I never say anything. I'm sort of, I'm moaning Myrtle. I'm like floating around him in a circle. I'm Nosferatu. You will bounce on it. That audio is the funniest thing I've ever heard. Shout out to whoever made that. Shout out to the creator who made the POV Nosferatu saying, you will bounce on it. Okay.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Yeah, so just wanted to get that out of the way. As I saw TikTok this morning that about brought me to my knees. I need a man with a mustache. Bad, but not that bad. Not that bad. I'm not willing to do anything for it or risk anything for it. If it happens, it happens. Okay. And I can admire beauty when I see it, but I don't need to own it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
I don't need to be in a situationship with it and have it lead me on and leave me. You know what I mean? Okay, moving on to what I really, really want to talk about. Now, here's the mother tucking meat and potatoes of the episode that I really wanted to get into. Book club, book club, book club. Okay, this is the book club episode where I didn't tell you what books to prepare for.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
So if you've read them, great. If you haven't, you should. That's sort of what the Broski Nation book club is. It could be any book in existence and you come to book club and I'm like, you did the assigned reading, right? And you're like, what is I'm reading? And I'm like, that just docked you pay. That just docked you pay and food.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Your rations were just slashed in half because you didn't read Sherlock Holmes. And did I ever tell you to read Sherlock Holmes? No, but you should just know to. Because I'm consistently sending out telepathic messages to all of Broski Nation, okay? If you feel a brain zap one day, that's me trying to get in there. That's me trying to get up in there. And you're resisting.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
And for that, I'm cutting your pay. If you're, my right temple is pulsing, that's me being like, Sherlock Holmes, Sherlock Holmes, you will bounce on it. And that's y'all resisting. Okay. That's me. If you see me appear to you in a dream, that's for real. I've taken on my final form, which is Nosferatu. This episode is sponsored by SeatGeek.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
It's a new year and I'm hellbent on leaving my house more, which I really don't do. So enter today's sponsor, SeatGeek. With over 28 million downloads, SeatGeek is the number one rated ticketing app. And to celebrate the new year, SeatGeek gave me a special hookup where anyone can use my code Broski2025 for 10% off their next purchase on SeatGeek.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
pdsdebt.com slash broski. Let's get into it. The first book that I really want to talk about is, I recently was in, well, when I was in Paris, there is a super famous old bookstore, an English language bookstore called Shakespeare and Company. And you know how like every city has that, it's like the famous bookstore. In New York, it's the Strand bookstore. One of them is called The Strand.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
There's some other super famous ones in London. In Austin, there are some. And there's one super cool in downtown Los Angeles that... I could describe it, but I don't know if you guys would know the name. It's like multiple stories, and it's got an arch that's made of books. Anyway, you know, just like an iconic bookstore. Well, it's called Shakespeare and Company in Paris, and I went with my mom.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Hey guys, just doing a quick millennial cringe warm-up this morning. Okay guys, here's my five-step millennial cringe facial warm-up for the morning. You're going to hit one of these. Then you're going to hit one of these. Oh my God, they used to love that one. You tuck your front lip. So if you've got a front lip, where's your back lip, do you think? I can show you some back lips. Anyway, sorry.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
There is a line out the door to get in, first of all. And I was like, well, what the fuck's so special about this place? It's got great history there. Walt Whitman, I believe, used to frequent it. Now let me go ahead and fact check that. Shakespeare and Company. Why famous? I love why use many word when few word do trick. I'm more than I can do. My final four. I have a fuzzy mustache and glasses.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
A Harry Potter scar appears on my forehead. No, please. That's how I feel. When you start quoting The Office, I've never even fucking seen The Office. That actually, I just pissed myself off. I just made myself very, very irrationally mad. Ignore that. Shakespeare and Company in Paris is famous for being a literary haven for writers and a center for innovative publishing.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
So I guess oat milk's out. So I go look up what's in macadamia nut milk plastic. Oh, perfect. So this plastic's better for me than the other plastic. Okay. Thank you for clearing that up. What the fuck? And also, what are you going to do? Go to a coffee shop and be like, half a teaspoon of macadamia nut milk, please. I hate that feeling. Can I get the milk alternative? My tummy, I be shitting.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
The store has been a refuge for generations of writers, including Ernest Hemingway, F. Scott Fitzgerald, and James Joyce. No fucking way. It was originally opened in 1919. It closed in 1941 during the Nazi occupation of Paris. The current incarnation of the store opened in 1951 and was renamed Shakespeare and Company in 1964 by George Whitman. Okay, so is George Whitman Walt Whitman?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Walter Whitman Jr. Okay, so that's actually not. Maybe George. Maybe it's his son. It's his sibling.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Oh, Captain, my captain is by Walt Whitman. I had no fucking clue. I seriously had no fucking clue, y'all. Okay, back to Shakespeare and Company. So we go in and it's relatively pretty small. Like it's not the biggest bookstore you've ever been in, but it's honestly a great collection of a bunch of different genres, both old and new.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
There's a whole separate section for like prose and theater and plays, music. And then there's a whole section for like Children, young adult, and then there's mystery, then there's philosophy and whatever. Then there's actually an upstairs area where you can just go read. And of course there was a line to get up there too, which is also pressure. Like I'm sitting up here reading.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
I don't want, why is there a line of people coming up to be here? Like I have a time slot. And so we go in and I was looking for some more Orwell. And I was also looking for... Oh, I read this cute other book called Half a Soul. I'll get there in a second.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
But I was looking for some more books like that, you know, like a sort of romantic-y, but also any classics I could find if they were printed in a cool cover. So I'm just sort of perusing, and I come across a study in Scarlet, which is a Sherlock Holmes novella. One of the first major ones that sort of everything after that started the Sherlock Holmes franchise, so to speak.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
At least the massive popularity of it. Studying Scarlet was published in 1887, I want to say. 1887, I'm a genius. It was published in 1887. And honestly, so Arthur Conan Doyle, you hear about him a lot. He is Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. He's the famous creator of the Sherlock Holmes character and world. And he himself was a very interesting person, trained as a doctor, He was a military man as well.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
And a lot of the, I would say, of course, you know, you write what you know. A lot of the wherewithal that both Holmes and Dr. Watson have come from Arthur Conan Doyle, because of course they do. And the actual character of Sherlock Holmes and all of his eccentricities was based on an old professor that Arthur Conan Doyle had. And,
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
When he was in school, just this sort of batty old professor who could make incredible conclusions or deductions from the smallest of details. And that's sort of the whole idea of what Sherlock Holmes is. If you've never read any of his stories, if you've never seen the show or any of the movies, if you just know him as, you know, the silly character with a pipe and the little hat.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
It is so worth the read. Sherlock Holmes, y'all know that I love a quirky, hyper-intelligent protagonist. And not in a sort of cringe way, but in a he's so genius, he's misunderstood type of way. I think those characters are so magnetic and And a few off the top of my head are sort of going to be like a Captain Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean. Definitely like a Sherlock Holmes.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Definitely like... I'm going to throw another Robert Downey Jr. in there. I'm actually going to... Oh, Mando. Mandalorian's another one. These characters that just seem to have all the answers. And even if they don't, they fake like they do, and then they figure it out. And they do that using... the information available to them.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Like that's the, like when you order a milk replacement, a milk alternative, you are admitting to the cashier that you are of a weak breed. Could I get the oat milk? Okay, you are at the bottom of the food chain. That's what you're admitting, okay? My gut bubbles when I smell milk. That's what you're telling them. You're communicating that in a roundabout way.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Like at any given time, you're capable of, you know, it's just, okay, you get what I'm trying to say. So Arthur Conan Doyle creating Sherlock Holmes was a sort of passing, it was a short story at first that he published in either a newspaper or a magazine. People fucking loved it. He was a man of many different disciplines. I mean, he lived many lives in the 60, 70 years that he lived.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
And just through all those different fields of study or interest, like chemistry, like medicine, like language, like travel, all of these things, he was very well-traveled, had a good grasp of understanding on the world. Later in his life, however, he had a very intense interest in spiritualism.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Which, honestly, the more that I was reading about Arthur Conan Doyle, I was like, that makes so much sense. Because there is this sort of mysticism to Holmes where he is, of course, a realist. And he's very tapped into human nature despite being so unhuman himself. He doesn't give in to the temptations or even have the urges of a romantic relationship or any desires that the normal person has.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
would have of like greed, envy, this, that. His mind rebels at the idea of what a Victorian English society is, you know? And he was able to look at it with a critical eye while at the same time, because no human is truly black or white. It's very nuanced. He's able to look at society with a very critical eye and, in fact, give more credibility to the lower classes than the upper classes.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Because the lower classes, you know, he had a sense of... shared sense of identity with them, I guess, where he was well-to-do because he was a detective, a private consulting detective, that he made a livable wage, of course. But yeah, I mean, I think he finds that there's a raw honesty and a respectable sort of struggle within the lower class that he was much more willing to take on those cases.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Of course, with a... a shared interest in the upper nobility cases as well, because those are fucking tea. And across the board, human nature is the same. And those are sort of the conclusions that he's able to come to. It doesn't matter if you're rich, if you're poor, whatever. Human nature is human nature.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Conan Doyle's interest in spiritualism, while at the same time the natural sciences, whatever, make for a very interesting character, because those two things are opposed. And the beautiful thing about Sherlock Holmes and the way that these stories are told is that it differs from the sort of contemporary detective novel of the time, which, by the way, most were written by women. Love and love.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
But there are two sort of distinctive ways of writing a detective novel. And there was the sort of archetype that a lot of these women followed. And then there was Arthur Conan Doyle's, which was told through the lens of Sherlock Holmes's counterpart. Dr. John Watson. And they come to know each other through a sort of seeking a roommate arrangement where they actually move in together.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
They meet each other and get along quite well, move in. And Dr. Watson, who is an Afghan war veteran, used to be a doctor in the military, becomes taken with Holmes. He is a mystery to him. He's intrigued by Sherlock Holmes, his comings and goings. He starts studying him almost. as a sort of patient.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
And all the while, he's recording the escapades that Holmes goes on, the cases that are brought to him, how he reasons through them using purely logic and observation. And Holmes' whole philosophy is, you see, but you do not observe. And one of the examples that he gives in, I think it's Scandal in Bohemia, he says, how many times have you walked up the stairs, the staircase here at this apartment?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
And there's something very humiliating about that. It's a humiliation ritual, okay? When I'm like, could I get the almond milk? Oh, you're a puss? Yeah. Yeah, sometimes my butthole kind of bleeds when I poop. Sometimes I have milk and then the rest of my day is ruined. I have to stay home. Oh, not the cow milk for me. I'll actually have a fucking reaction. Yeah, I had a Cortado.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
And Watson's like, hundreds of times. I mean, I lived here for, you know, however long. And Holmes goes, how many steps are on the staircase? And Watson's like, I don't fucking know. I didn't count. And he goes, oh, yes, exactly. That's it. You see, but you do not observe. A lot of the time, what Holmes's process is, is you take in the, I'm addicted to Sherlock Holmes. I have a tattoo about it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
You take in the details of someone and, from the details of markings on someone's skin, the state of their shoes, of the knees of their trousers for a man, or the gloves of a woman, things like this, ink stains, anything like this can really give you insight into who is this person? What do they do? I've just met them. They're a stranger to me.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
But off the bat, give me five minutes of observation and I can tell you most likely their occupation, what troubles them. And as they're describing the predicament they're in, context clues of what they have on or the particular ways in which they're behaving can lend itself to you figuring, helping figure it out. You know what I mean?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
It's as much a game of criminal investigation as it is just deducing human nature and how we lie. We think we're really sneaky when we lie. We're not. If to the trained eye, you know when someone is lying and there's telltale signs. So he incorporates all of these things and he reveals his method at the end. So here's an example as well. I was like, I love him so much.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Dr. Watson and Holmes are no longer roommates. Watson moves out. He gets married. He comes back to visit Holmes. And Holmes is, you know, a tweaker, like always. He's on coke or he's doing this. He was addicted to opium. He's whatever. And he's, I've come across this incredible discovery. Just like super, I love a character like that. You know, he's not really there with you.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
But at the same time, he's very there. And Watson walks up the stairs. They haven't seen each other in a few months. And the first thing Holmes says is, You've gained weight. Seven and a half pounds. And I see you're back in practice. And you've been experimenting with something. And Watson goes, how the fuck did you know that? Oh, and he said, you've been out in the country.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
It's been wet recently. Where did you go? And Watson's like, what the fuck? He had a top hat on that had a bulge in it at the top, a slight smell of, I forget the exact term they used, but it's essentially like a cleansing agent, like a chloroform or like a formaldehyde type of smell that was used a lot back then in laboratories.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
And Holmes goes, I see what could only be a stethoscope hidden secretly in your top hat, protruding and making a weird mark. You smell like whatever this chemical was that is used in medical offices. Your shoes have... some scoring on them from where it looks like your housemaid tried to scrape off mud, but she's not skilled and so she scraped your shoes. There's still mud left on them.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
On top of that, something like one of your hands is more swollen than the other. It's all these different things where he's like, It's very easy, really, if you know what to look for. And of course, he has an existing relationship with Watson where he knows he's been a doctor, he just got married, all these things. So it's using logic as well as Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
I guess it was okay. Three shots of espressos, you know, that'll do it. And I had that about 30 minutes ago. So I don't know. How long does it take coffee to kick in for real? How long does it take coffee to kick in? Within 10 to 30 minutes, but can take up to 60 minutes. Okay, great. The peak concentration of caffeine in the blood occurs after about 45 minutes.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. ,,,,,,,
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Y'all, once again on this podcast, I am a ticking time bomb. Also, the last two episodes... I filmed in the same day. Surprise. I took an edible for one of them and then I felt, and it kicked in halfway through. And then I filmed the second episode. So I was just, I heard a damn guy. And I did not even, I watched it back and I was like, good Lord. I really thought I was like, they can't tell. Yay.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
You can tell. Hey, yeah, you can tell. Anyway, did a Cortado and now I'm doing, I'm working through these. Okay. Red Bull sent me these for free, these watermelon fucking. And I made the mistake. Because I'm only human and I bleed when I have a milk. They sent me these. It's watermelon Red Bull.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Because otherwise, if I was just reading this like raw-dogging Sherlock Holmes and I wasn't familiar with British culture or especially Victorian culture, I'd be like, why do they talk like that? Like, it does not make sense. But of course, that's one of my special interests is etymology and how syntax and grammar and all these things come to be and how they come to be out of fashion sometimes.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
and how we change and swap things out to make it more modern, and what our vernacular is, and how we lost the British U in color and glamour. Actually, it's still in glamour, but you know what I mean. Why do these changes happen, and what is the significance of them? And it's very interesting to read these because it's so indicative of its time and And I love that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Well, of course, the first time that I had ever tried this was in a sort of watermelon Red Bull vodka that I made myself that I almost puked up later. So naturally, when this sort of flavor combo hits my palate, I want to gag. And that is not Red Bull's fault. It's certainly sort of Pavlovian conditioning that I've done to myself.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
I want to feel like I am existing in the world that Holmes is in. And I think Doyle did a great job of really throwing you headfirst into nasty Victorian London. And that's another thing that he gets praised for is he's not showing you like, for example, there's a Sherlock Holmes short called Scandal in Bohemia, which Bohemia is now, I believe it's in the Czech Republic.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
But it's been owned by a few, you know, it's kind of like a Texas. Like Texas has been owned by so many different countries and now it's Texas. But now Bohemia is in the Czech Republic. Anyway, there is a story where the king of Bohemia comes to consult Sherlock Holmes because there is a compromising photograph of him and a woman.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
And he needs Holmes' help locating the photograph and destroying it. because so as it cannot be used as blackmail later. It shows the scandal of the upper, you know, nobility and things like that, where these matches must be handled privately, you see. It shows that while at the same time showing the really dirty, unseen corners of Victorian London.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Like I mentioned earlier, sort of like the opium crisis that was happening and other sort of just taboo things. They talk about brothels and some known streets where madams are and, you know, the sort of underbelly of London, of industrial London that is not, it's not a shining example of what the British Empire wanted to be known for, you know? And I think that it's an important choice
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
that Doyle made to be like, this is what I want to talk about. And it's shocking. And it's real. And although these stories are set, they're fictitious stories, they're in a very real circumstance and a very real narrative context. So I really, I appreciate that because, yeah, I don't want to hear about how fucking great the British Empire is.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
I want to know about how it sucked and the forgotten corners of it. Another thing I was going to say about Holmes is, yeah, He's so incredibly beautifully critical of Victorian society and, you know, how people compose themselves and behave, while at the same time being a loyalist to the king.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Very complex, very nuanced, very, you know, you want to love Holmes and all of his eccentricities, but that's one I can't really get behind. And it's at odds with everything about Holmes. You know, he's always, I don't know, just to be for father and country. It's just a crazy choice. Which makes me think, was Arthur Conan Doyle a monarchial loyalist? Who's to say?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Anyway, here are some other just book-related things that I kind of wanted to get into. Another thing I learned from Sherlock Holmes, again, just like a living and mentally living in this Victorian time, Women who have been married would sign their name like this. So let's say, who the fuck am I marrying? Sort of like a Killian Murphy type situation, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
where now every time I taste the watermelon Red Bull, I also taste Tito's vodka. And I am a fan of both of those things individually, but not together, I would not recommend.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
So this would be how I would type my name if I was recently married in Victorian London. If you guys care. Brittany. Sorry, if I was recently married to Killian Murphy in Victorian London. Okay? Brittany Murphy. Nay. Broski. Okay? That is how it keeps your maiden name so it's not confusing. Now, listen to this.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Then I started to wonder, did this come from, because ne means born, which honestly makes sense because in Spanish it's nathí, like I was born here or I was born this name, I was born whatever, nathí. This is, to me, when I hear ne, I think of someone being like, Spoiled. Nay. Rotten. You know what I mean?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Where it's like you have a word and then you've thought of a better word or you've thought of a contracting word or a contradicting word and you say, nay, this. But it's not because that's spelled N-A-Y. So I don't know why I brought that up because I thought they'd be related and they're not. Okay? So that's a cute little fun fact for you guys.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Okay, here are two other books that I want to talk about very quickly. I finished this book that was just a cute little recommendation from TikTok called Half a Soul. Oh my God. Y'all, five stars. Five stars. It's a standalone book. This author... So this book is a Regency fairy tale. Hey, I'm locked the fuck in. Regency era fairy... My penis just got hard.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
My dick just got hard because the wire just hit. You know what I'm saying? This book was so fucking cute. It was so well written. It is about Regency era London where this family lives in the countryside. And they're brought to London for, what's that called? For the season and the time. It's very Bridgerton coded, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Uses all the same terms, all the same sort of social expectations and faux pas, whatever. It kept my attention the whole time. It is a, not enemies to lovers, but I would say it's a sort of strangers to lovers. Strangers to friends, to close confidant to lovers. And it's just a very... simple, well-written story. The magic is easy to understand.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
They play with different realms without it being too overwhelming. The love story is so cute. It's not smutty. It's just a cute little story. And I was like, oh my God, I wish these characters would continue into a second and third book. And they don't. But this author, let me look up her name. This author does a series called Regency Fairy Tales. And so there's other Olivia Atwater.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
So there's other stories, but they don't have my beloved characters, who are named Dora and Elias. Lord Solcier. Elias. Anyway, this book, I cannot recommend it enough. If you're looking for just a short little palate-cleansing read, loved this. Loved it. I also read... Let's talk about this for a second, okay? I will not be reading Onyx Storm. And let me tell you why.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
And me as a 27-year-old woman was like, candy in my drink! Yes! Candy, candy! 27. Okay, walk, don't run. Wait. Run, don't walk to try the watermelon Jolly Rancher fucking sugary drink. Sugary poo-poo in your diaper drink. Me like, okay, where can I find that? I just picked a wedgie. Okay, so update on that is I'm about three espresso shots and a watermelon Red Bull deep.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Not a big fan of Rebecca Yaros as a person. Some of her politics are kind of concerning to me. And then I have heard nothing but negative reviews about Onyx Storm. They're saying that this feels like they're calling it... They're calling it the ninth Star Wars movie. They're saying it's very bad, very bad.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
And I was like, I don't want to spend $30 fucking dollars on a hardback copy of Onyx Storm just for it to piss me off. People are saying that it is no more storyline than Iron Flame, which is about to piss me off because Iron Flame was bad. It felt like she wrote herself into a wall when it came to the magic system.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
I don't know how your magic system works because you don't know how your magic system works. How am I supposed to follow along with you? What the fuck is a ward? What is a ward? And then the dragons are mad at each other, and then they're mad at each other, and then they're fucking, and then they're horny, but they won't fuck.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
And then I also saw some spoilers, because who gives a fuck, that she writes it in like a Gen Z vernacular. What? that part um that's not how i expected my monday to go like that type of shit where i'm like i don't want to this is a romantic put me in that world i'm trying to escape from my world I don't want to read TikTok language on my fucking book.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
For that reason, it doesn't expand upon the narrative that the cliffhanger left us on in Iron Flame. It's more miscommunication trope, which is my worst, it is my least favorite thing you could ever put in a book. It's two characters willfully misunderstanding each other with no conflict resolution skills. That's going to piss me off.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
I don't even know if... I think I was seeing some notes about it being smutty, but it's like almost forced. Like it felt... I just... I'm not interested. And that is such a shame because I really enjoyed Fourth Wing. I think it set up a beautiful world and a cool place for the story to go. There was some unnecessary tragedy in Iron Flame, Onyx Storm. I really don't... I'm not interested.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
And it's so thick. And so I'm seeing these people finish the book and be like... what the fuck happened? And that is a poorly written book. If you're at the end of the book, like, what the fuck did I just read? That's bad. And then I saw another stat the other day that was like, Onyx Storm is the fastest selling book in the last 20 years. And I was like, what a fucking joke.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
So I'm not really interested. If y'all are, well, what's her on Extraordinary? Not reading it. I don't really give a shit. Okay, some other things really, really quick. I went to Fashion Week. What the fuck? Who let me into Fashion Week? I went with Patu, the most fun you could ever think of. Went with Patu, they dressed me and my mom so sweet. We had a blast.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
It's also, can I just say, like as a child of Tumblr, where I've been exposed to like Jean Paul Gaultier, Runway 2003, fucking all that shit since Tumblr and thinking, this feels like a different world. I will never be in this world, especially as a bigger person. It is psychotic to now be like, I'm sitting front row at some of these shows. Patu is, I love Patu.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
I felt like a bad bitch in that outfit. And it's so playful and fun. And it plays with shapes and textures. And Zooey Deschanel was there. And Mindy Kaling. And it's just cool. It was very, very cool. And I'm just shocked that I'm in that conversation. You know what I mean? I'm so grateful. I had such a fucking blast. But yeah, that was something that...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Shout out, Patu, for being size inclusive, because that's a big thing. We've been talking about this for a while, me and Team Broski. I've always been interested in fashion, and it's fun. Fashion is fun. It's fun to take risks in and do something interesting. No one wants to see you in a bodycon dress on the fucking carpet, girl. Give us something. and some fun glam.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Like that's why people gag for chapels because here's someone with a fucking vision. Here's someone with a vision. Please, God. So I think it's fun. When I do a carpet, when I did the Wicked carpet or Gladiator or any of the Star Wars carpets I've been to, play with that. Don't make it a costume, but play with it as a sort of visual inspiration. And me and my stylist, Kat DePaul, we fucking eat.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
It is fun. And I'm not really worried about being like the most glamorous on the carpet. I want to be the most interesting, like, but with a very polished taste level. That's where I'm coming from. Growing up and trying to find brands that, first of all, even give a shit about big fat bitches like me. It's like, I can't understand for the life of me why it's so fucking hard.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Just make it a little bigger. It's because some of these companies have a complex about dressing fat bodies and they need to get over it. It's really nasty. So shout out to Patu because they have a pretty size inclusive range. I was shocked that it fit me and I was like, this is great. So I think more of these designer houses need to... Oh my God, Gautier actually did a...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
They had a bigger girl in their runway show. And I was like, thank fuck. My God. It's just awesome. It's awesome to see. And I don't want to say this in a way that pits bodies against each other. That's not what I mean by this. But what I mean to say is sometimes a garment can be sold better if it's on a curvy body. I believe it. You know what I mean?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
It's all the sensual essence of a woman in couture like that or in a gown or a garment that just... There's something about a fuller body that shows it off. You know what I mean? The beautiful shapes and textures... And I think that for whatever reason, we're back in this Kate Moss, coke head runway model era where it's all about getting thin. Get skinny, get skinny, get skinny.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
And I don't know if that's... You know, like it's, we're just really not in a mental headspace right now as a country to bring that back when, you know, it's just overwhelming and exhausting all the time. Eggs are about to be $15 a carton and gas is going to be $150 to fill up your fucking tank. And it's just like, And we're having an ED crisis on top of that. Give me a fucking break.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
So, I don't know. The one good thing I will say about whatever the fuck is about to happen politically and in the country is hopefully recession pop is back. Bring back recession pop. We need to get back into the club. I've been seeing a lot of sort of, you know, we're all in agreement here that when shit like this happens... There needs to be an outlet of joy.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
There needs to be an outpouring of love in a community and celebrating life with people that give a shit about you. And then we tackle the problems of tomorrow together. You know what I mean? Like it goes hand in hand. It can't just all be doom scrolling and fucking this country's all the time. Like find pockets of joy for yourself. So I will leave you with that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
And I want to say the song of the week is One Second. Okay, I've got two songs of the week. One of them is Café con Ron. Porta by Bonnie. And the other one is Arms Length by Sam Fender. Those are my two songs of the week. Sam Fender going on tour. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Okay, love you guys. If you want merch, go to broski.shop. That's pretty much all I have to say.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Okay, so let's do 64. Calculator. 64 times 3 plus 80. Fuck me. Okay, so... Okay, so I've got 272 milligrams of caffeine right now in my system.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Go watch Royal Court. Go watch Royal Court. Please go watch it. Go subscribe to it. I'm not joking anymore. Okay, love you guys. Bye.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Can pregnant ladies not have caffeine? What, is that going to make your baby have ADHD? Can pregnant ladies, can pregnant women have caffeine? Yes, pregnant women can consume caffeine in moderation. Excessive caffeine consumption during pregnancy over 300 milligrams a day has been linked to an increased risk of premature birth. I did not know that. Good thing I'm not pregnant. Okay.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Anyway, yeah, they used to tuck their top lip up under their gums so their teeth, it looks like a rat. Yeah, I used to hit that one in middle school sometimes. I'm not even going to lie. I used to hit that one. And I was like, God, I'm killing them. I'm killing them. And can I be honest? I get some of those millennial cringe compilations on Instagram. I watch them all the way through every time.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
What the fuck was I talking about? Okay, so those are the sort of things I wanted to get out of the way before we get into the actual meat and potatoes of the episode. Because I'm about to go hog wild. I'm about to go pork and beans on this microphone. If y'all could sniff this microphone, I don't think you'd ever listen to this podcast again. Actually, it doesn't smell that bad.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
That was sort of just an intrusive thought of like, I've actually spit on this thing. What? I've hucked to it on this thing. Like, what the hell? So many times. It doesn't smell that bad, but like, surely no one else would want to sit here. You know what I mean? Okay. Here's some housekeeping. Very, very quickly. Of course, the last two episodes were pre-Trump inauguration.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Hey, I didn't realize how bad it was going to get. Okay. But a message to the general populace, especially during Black History Month, is that he does not have as much power as he would like us to believe. There are still laws and regulations in this country to keep him in check. Of course, he's sort of blasting through these executive orders.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
But ultimately, there are three branches of government to keep that power in check. So... I know it's a hard sort of piece of advice to be like, trust in the powers that be because of course, you know, they're not really looking out for her best interest and that's just sort of well known.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
But at the same time, all these fucking, you know, constitutionalists and all these like freedom, freedom is the biggest. Okay. Just, we have to have faith. that he will not win is what I'm trying to say. You know what I mean? So my message is have faith and keep the hope and we move forward.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
And that's honestly a segue point into something I want to talk about later, which is books, because I have book recommendations. But we'll move on from fuck Donald Trump to happier news. Congratulations to Beyonce, Giselle, Knowles-Carter for winning. The Grammy for Album of the Year. After four snubs, four snubs, she has been nominated four times for Album of the Year. Four years snubbed.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Lemonade did not win Album of the Year the year that it was nominated. I digress. Cowboy Carter had won. Okay? Now, the cultural significance of Cowboy Carter... I'm not the one to actually speak on it. You know what I mean? Well, actually I have. Go watch the Calvin Carter episode because I spoke on it. This is so, like, you want to talk about deserving.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
You want to talk about the most, like, heavily awarded Grammy winning artist of all time. Thank you, Beyonce. Okay? And there's really nothing else to say. How about the look of shock on her face? I love her so much.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
What the fuck? Okay, two more things really quick that are just completely unrelated. In the vein of music, there is a YouTube video called Morning Jazz Playlist to Start Your Day. And the thumbnail is Snoopy making a sandwich and And I cannot recommend this video to you people enough.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
And I'm just, I am overcome with a sort of primal rage. It's like a train wreck, though. Like, I have to watch them. I don't really have a choice. Okay, guys, lots, lots, lots to cover today. Welcome back to The Broski Report, starring me, your host, Brittany Broski, occasionally Timothee Chalamet, okay? Only other person who's ever been on this show is Timothee Chalamet, so just note that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
This video provides me a sense of calm and peace in the morning that I just cannot... I'm on this wave now where I'm trying not to listen to music with words in it. I'm trying not to listen to too much music with words in it, okay? I'm doing a lot of classical. I'm doing a lot of exciting classical, Tchaikovsky and Bach, okay? And Straussburg. And I'm also doing a lot of bossa nova.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Then I do some of this, like smooth jazz for cooking or morning jazz to get your day started. And I'll do my little ballet stretches because here's another thing that I've discovered. Because I haven't talked to you all in a while. I've been gone. I was in Paris and now I'm back. I'm stateside. There is a plethora of YouTube videos on YouTube that I just get recommended on my homepage.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
But essentially, it's a morning warm-up bar. Because you know how ballerinas will warm up at the bar, that little... bar, doing the little plies and stretching and whatever and warming up their ankles and whatever. They put those for the Royal Ballet School in London and I think two other ballet schools. Sometimes they'll put the full hour-long warm-up on YouTube.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Of course, I don't really know what they're doing, so I can't follow along, but it's a good sort of motivator. I'll put that on while I'm in bed, still waking up in the morning. I'm like, Okay, let's do it. Get up. Let's stretch. You know what I mean? So I'll do that. And they always play piano in the background to warm up to, like exciting piano. And it's good. It's good for me, I think.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Because here's my one qualm I've had with Bar Method. I love Bar Method. But they play like fucking... If I let... That sort of shit. Like, I don't want to hear Bad Habits by Ed Sheeran dubstep remix while I'm trying to work out. I don't want to hear that. Bar Method also is very ballet inspired. Like, you do have to fucking work out on the bar. I don't want to.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
I love Florence and the Machine, but I don't want to hear Dog Days Are Over Radio Zed remix. You know what I mean? No, what's that? They play that one song. Say my name. They play that song, and I said, because I love Florence and the Machine, but I don't want to hear Florence Welch at 8 a.m. when I'm like, oh, fuck. Okay, I have to be tapped the fuck in to listen to Florence and the Machine.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Okay, anyway, I digress. Yeah, I wish they played more classical music, which I'm not going to sort of fall on that sword. I'm not going to go up to the instructor and be like, hey, love what you're doing up there. A bit more Tchaikovsky would be nice. Thanks. I'm not going to do that. Also, I'm not going to say I'm the youngest woman in my bar method class, but...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
I look around a lot and I'm like, all these women are 40 and 50. Like, older than me, doing it easier than I am. I'm huffing and puffing in the corner. Oh, fuck.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
They're in the corner with their leg wrapped around their neck and they're doing this and they're in a full split. And I'm like, oh my God. But it's possible you can get there. And I would get there faster if they could play Tchaikovsky while I'm trying to do my shit, while I'm trying to freak my shit on the bar, okay? While I'm busting my shit open on the bar, just play Tchaikovsky. anyway.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Yeah, I just think it's good for me. I think that type of music is good for me. It calms me because I'm a very, I'm pretty high strung these days. I'm pretty high strung. I can't really, I can't really get my shit under control. The first order of business for real that I like to bring to y'all's plate is I need a man with a mustache to worship the ground. I walk on. Let me indulge you.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
I saw this TikTok. Okay. And then I saw a YouTube short of the same sort of digital creator. And he was British. And he looked like Tom Selleck. And he was doing like a running video, but it was like a meme. Can I say like one more time? I'm about to piss myself off. Caffeine's about to kick in. I'm going to watch this back and say, why? I need to go to a speech therapist. Like?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
Some things really quickly. I did have a Cortado this morning. Okay, now I've figured out what that is. That's going to be three shots of espresso, steamed oat milk. And if you have never smelled what heated up oat milk smells like, I wouldn't recommend it. That shit about made me gag. Okay? Tastes fine. But then again, oat milk, I guess, is bad. Because there's palm tree oil in it. I don't know.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
But here's the thing too, is like, okay. It's so ingrained in our vernacular. I can't stop saying it. It's a crutch word. It's how I communicate. And now I'm hyper aware of it. And I'm going to struggle for the rest of this episode to not say like every fourth word. It's like when you become. It's like when you become aware that you're saying, uh, uh, uh, uh, shut up. Okay.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
What was I going to talk about? Oh, yeah. This dude, I don't even know his name. But I saw him and I got pissed off. Because I was like, I was doing so good. I'll come on this fucking podcast and speak into this very microphone that I'm speaking into right now. I'll be like, men are the bane of society. The world would be better without fucking men.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
82: Sherlock Holmes Crash Course
And then I see one video of a man with a mustache and I say, oh, fuck. Oh, Jesus. Men to me are like mythical creatures. I do not interact with them in the wild. I leave them be. I don't really want to hear from them, but I will admire their beauty from afar. I see a young gentleman with a sort of really nice upper body build. beautiful hairline, great mustache. I'm looking.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
Sex and City also has me thinking about, am I crazy? Am I crazy? Like things, what would I get mad at if I was in these situations? And it kind of bubbles up naturally like, oh my God, Miranda and Steve, motherfucker. You motherfucker. I was so mad through that whole first, actually, how many times have they broken up and got back together? I do not like Steve. I'll say it. I do not like Steve.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
I think he's a sweet man. But get away from my girl. You know what I mean? Like, of course you're attracted to this powerful, successful, hyper-intelligent, independent woman. And of course you want to latch on like a fucking... Okay? I feel very protective of Miranda. And I know Steve has his own struggles and this, that, the other. Sorry, he's a loser.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
And Miranda saw potential in him and strung him along and tried to dress him up. But at the end of the day, he didn't want to live her life. And he wasn't ready for Miranda to do the change on him. You know what I mean? There's that scene, girl, been here, been here. I literally am Miranda. It sucks. It sucks sometimes. There's that scene where she's like, I want you to come.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
This is pretty early on. I want you to come to a work dinner, like work drinks that I have. And he's like, yeah, sure. Of course. She's like, but it's black tie. And he's like, I don't have a suit. She goes, that's okay. We'll go shopping for a suit. He's like, okay. They go shopping for a suit. It's like almost $2,000. Okay. Cause it's a nice suit. Miranda goes, I'll pay for it. She's so me.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
And by the way, don't. Because it's this scary thing of I want you in my life so I'm willing to pay because I see you as a long-term investment in my life. And this isn't some weird power imbalance or like me trying to make you feel like a small man or this, that, the other. I want you with this thing. This is standing in the way of it. It's a no-brainer. Of course, I'll pay for it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
You don't owe me anything. But to Steve, right? Steve took that as... She knows I can't buy this on my own. And she's so fucking fancy. I'm sorry, I don't have any clothes to go with your fancy friends. He starts to take it as a personal insult, okay? No, no, no, no, no, no. I was so fucking mad because I've been there. I've been there where men take out their insecurities on me.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
And I'm like, we're not doing that actually. And we're done. And leave me alone. Anyway, so Miranda's dealing with that with Steve and inevitably, yeah, you guessed it, they break up. Because here's what I like about Sex and the City is that it explores so many different topics and themes in relationships. One of them being, you know, yeah, whatever that topic would be.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
I had so many... I used to dress business professional, business casual, if you will, to high school every day. And there's something very... honest about that, right? I thought I was giving Miranda Priestly 10 to 12 skirts from Calvin Klein. Like I really thought florals for spring, how original. I'm going to wear business casual at the ripe age of 14.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
I guess men's insecurities, like a successful woman, who is the breadwinner and how does that really affect the relationship, especially when it's a budding relationship. All these things are so real and I'm realizing I'm kind of living through that. And I also think I would have lived through that even if I didn't do this job just because of who I am as a person. Like,
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
went to college, immediately got a corporate job. Like I was just going to be corporate girly for the rest of my life. And unfortunately, the personality types I like work in the service industry. So, and this was a real thing that I experienced before any of the internet stuff. And I still experience it now where I'm drawn to these charismatic, right? Like who isn't charismatic,
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
snake charmer fucking wordsmiths that you meet at the bar or at a house party, whatever. Turns out they're unemployed. They have no fucking job. I really, really, really enjoy an unemployed man. For some reason, I don't know why, I just do. And what do you do for work? Ah, I'm in between jobs. How long have you been in between jobs? That's the type of young gentleman I go for.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
And then I convince myself it can work. I have enough ambition for the both of us. Maybe you just come home, put your little apron on and make me dinner. Okay, I would love a trophy husband. Fuck, I would love a trophy husband. But I know myself and that's going to get... There was a moth. Anyway, I know myself. That's a Homer Simpson scream. No, that wasn't good.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
I can't do the Homer Simpson scream. The little short one he does. I can do. That was good. Guys, if I could have everyone's attention really quick, just sort of look over here. Yeah. Hi. Back of the room right here. Yeah. Hi. Something really quick. Okay. I need to talk to you guys about staying hydrated. It's something very near and dear to my heart.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
And this time, I've got a little twist for you guys. Because it's finally summer and we don't have time to be thirsty. We don't have time to be dehydrated. There is too much to do. We're booked. We're busy. We're living off of vibes. But those vibes sometimes need a little Dunkin' refresher. to keep it moving.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
A Dunkin' Refresher is your secret weapon for staying energized and refreshed for whatever tomfoolery you freaks are up to this summer. Seriously. Let me show you how this cookie crumbles, okay? Let me show you how this cheese danish cheeses. What? What I have in here is a concoction that very few would understand, but most of you should try.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
In here, I have a customized refresher, base of sparkling water, and tropical guava on top. Does that not sound delicious? Look at me, I am ghostly pale. Something about this calls to me. It calls to me to go sit outside in the sunlight, get some vitamin D and just sip on my refresher. Because that's what life's about when you really think about it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
So like I said, Dunkin' Refreshers are customizable, okay? There's five different bases. We're rocking with green tea, water, which I had last time, sparkling water, black tea, and oat milk. If you're feeling creamy, for all the creamy people out there. Then you pick whatever flavor you want. Strawberry dragon fruit if you want, mango pineapple, raspberry watermelon, or like me, tropical guava.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
Very delicious combo. Let your creativity run wild this summer with the go-to perfect summer sip. And I know you guys like my blinged out cup. I know you guys like this. Come on, that's good! This is my Southern woman fantasy. Why do Southern women love bedazzled stuff? This is giving. It's giving me everything I need. Thanks, Duncan. I love you guys. You guys are family to me.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
And I used to, oh dude, there was this shoe company called Clark's And Clarks made, like, Oxfords and Brogues. Like, Clarks is an English. What's a shoemaker called? Matner? Cobbler? Cobbler. What's a mat? That's hats. Matelier. Name of craftsman. Who makes hats? Millionaire, millionaire, milliner, milliner. I am so smart. Or a hatter. Oh my God.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
You're like my family. All right, back to the episode. Anyway, I can't do the power imbalance thing. And I figured that out of, I need a man with ambition because we need to hold each other accountable. I can't be holding myself accountable and you accountable. Holy shit. I need some support. You know, like I have gone through that before where, oh, it's so much fun. These men that are so witty.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
And so they'll tell you anything you want to hear. They're agreeable. They ask you about your tattoos and about your necklace. They're so easy to talk to. It's because they're unemployed. It's because all that time, all that time they should be looking for jobs. They're doing fucking observational, what's that called? Deductions on your appearance. I'm pissed off.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
Anyway, with Miranda and Steve, there is a scene, that scene, where they're picking out the tux, where Steve kind of crashes out on her. And I'm like, it just sent a chill down my spine because... Why are you threatened by my success? Why? My success has nothing to do with you. You know?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
And I also see it as, it's just such a double standard of men who make a lot of money, spoil their girlfriends or whatever that don't make as much money. When a woman does it, it's emasculating to a man. I think that's just love- in a partnership like that, right? Like if you have the means, I do it with my friends too. If you have the means, you provide because it brings me joy.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
It brought Miranda Joyce. She wanted to do that. And now it's a fight. And it's like, why can't we just accept? But it's a delicate balance, right? Because if you have a partner that's over, that overindulges in your niceties and your kindness and your generosity, then that's a problem as well. It's such a slippery slope. Anyway, back to Aiden. Y'all, this show's got me fucked up. I'm so serious.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
When I was first introduced to Aiden, when he's got the long hair and he's the fucking... That scene where they're in the art gallery and he's like, oh, I shouldn't have been running around my gallery. And his fucking dog's running around and Carrie knows who he is and she's a liar. Because she goes up, she's like, I had no idea you owned the gallery. Yes, she did.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
Girl, from the minute they start talking, I'm like, oh my God, that's my husband. That's my husband. He's silly. He's goofy. And you know what? Let's talk about this for a second. And I'm going to try to be as articulate and eloquent as I can. So forgive me if my words fail. You know what I want to start implementing in the latter half of 2025? And let me know if you feel this.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
If anyone in the congregation feels this message tonight, please come down to the front. I'm going to hand you a pamphlet. I have never felt truly pretty. Now, let me qualify that statement, okay? I've always been pretty and. You know what I mean? Pretty and smart, pretty and funny. I'm getting somewhere with this. pretty and something else. It's almost like a qualifier. You know what I mean?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
And I'm finally in this season of my life. I just turned 28. There is room in my brain and like in my self-perception where I can just feel pretty. And obviously there's so much nuance with that. And I hope you understand what I'm saying, but I don't want to just feel pretty, but I want to, I guess, let my femininity flourish.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
Because I've never allowed myself to do that before because I've always been, you know, either plus size or I have to be the funniest person in the room or I have to be the smartest person in the room or these sort of, like... limitations like ceilings and floors that I put on myself of how I need to present, how I need to act.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
And I've never, I guess it's just like leaning into this divine femininity that is so complex and so challenging as you get older. And I've been really having existential crises about aging lately. And y'all know my relationship with that of, I don't want to get any work done. I really don't think like I've had friends get work done and preventative this and, you know, facelift this.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
And we're seeing these trends are so cyclical as they are. And the minute you have it, it's not, you know, that's not what we're doing anymore. I'm worried if I start dicking with my face, I won't stop. Right. And I don't really want to dick with my face. And here's the the seesaw that I'm always on when it comes to aging.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
I want to age and I want to see the lines in my face and see the lines in my friends faces. And I want us to grow old together. And, of course, there's a romantic desire there as well of, like, you want to grow old with your partner, sure. But my friends are more important to me. Anyway, I lost my train of thought.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
What I'm trying to say is that Sex and the City also tackles, you know, I love that they're all in their 30s. Fuck! They're all in their 30s. It's so nice that they're not like, I'm 23 and dating in New York. Like, no, I want to see older gentlemen. And by older, I mean 37. Yeah. dating 37 year old women. Fuck. It's so nice.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
So anyway, I, I feel forever changed by watching Sex and the City for so many different reasons. But the number one being I have dreams every night about Aiden. Like I'm coming home to him. Like he's my man. I mean, for real, like they wrote a perfect character. He's the perfect boyfriend. Am I tweaking for saying that? Does anyone agree with me? Aiden is the best character.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
Do you guys want to know some crazy tea that I found out? It's not tea. It's a historical fact. I've had quite the fascination with the original Alice in Wonderland recently, as well as 150 other things. I've been kind of on my English lit shit. Like I've been doing kind of not research, maybe research. on something that's very, very inspiring to me.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
He is the best boyfriend. He's the best partner any of them had. And yeah, he had his flaws, but what? He loved her too much? He gave it too many shots? He was too patient? Fuck, dude. He even like compromised for her on the smoking, on his fucking cabin in the woods. Like all of these things in his life that he invited her into that were not that bad, by the way.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
They went to that cabin in the woods and I was like, that's my dream. Like he's out working in the shit and you're just sitting on the porch drinking tea. Like that's my dream, bro. And she's like, oh, squirrel. Carrie, I'll fucking, oh my God. I was mad! She did not appreciate Aiden! But here's the question, you know what I mean? And I'm asking you this too.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
If your partner, who you love deeply, proposes and you're not ready to get married...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
why and I think my shit with Carrie is I don't understand her why she had everything she could ever want is she holding out for big is she holding out for I mean like what more time do you need and to her point I understand of like what's gonna change if we get married even him being like let's fly to Vegas and let's just do it now we don't have to tell anyone okay what's the point
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
Because to me, the point of getting married is that it's a public thing. You're declaring your love for each other and that you belong to each other in front of your friends and family. That's the point of a wedding. It's not a piece of paper. I mean, it's not a fucking joint bank account. That's not marriage. Marriage is being committed to each other.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
And Carrie's point is, what does marriage mean to you? But at the end of it... It means a lot to Aiden. And if you give a shit about Aiden, then I think you would get married. I think I would have gotten married to Aiden. I really would have. Is that crazy? Like, is that crazy to say? I don't know.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
If your partner wants marriage and you're indifferent to it, I think that's a lot more forgivable than if you want a baby and your partner's indifferent or Or if your partner wants a baby and you're indifferent, that's kind of more of a, you're talking about a human life, bringing a human life into the world. Marriage, I mean, you're already living together, right? So what? I don't know.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
This is my opinion. This is my opinion. It definitely makes it messier. It definitely makes it messier if you guys break up. But again, you should think about all this before you agree to get married. And I think it's a great... conversational exercise to have with your partner of why wouldn't we get married? What are my reservations here?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
You know, maybe some things are toiling just under the surface that are going to be a real pressure point in a marriage. Marriage is hard work. I'm a child of divorce. The majority of my friends are children of divorce. So I don't know if I have like a of all the shit, you know, love is patient. Love is kind.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
I don't know if I've really seen that in the marriages that I've been exposed to, but anyway, I'm really dreaming about Aiden every night. And that's not a joke. I literally go to bed thinking about him. I wake up thinking about him and how Carrie fucking fumbled bro. And how big, look, I'll say it again. Okay.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
Not to circle back to this, but I used to be addicted to big because I had my own big and it's like,
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
You know we belong together. Don't piss me off. Are you being all coy at pushing me away? I'll kill you. Anyway. That quad is sitting somewhere. It's right here. It's sort of like sloshing around. Do you remember those baby drinks that you would flip it like this and the liquid would go away and then you'd flip it back up and it would come back like a sippy cup?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
How the fuck did they do that, dude? How did they do that? Baby toys go crazy. There are some crazy baby toys today. Like that baby that poops and you have to wipe its butt. What? I don't want to work. Craziest baby toys. 2025. What's all this fucking millennial beige bullshit? Dino inflatable sprinkler? Yeah, sign me the fuck up for that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
And there's a crossover somewhere, not to get too deep into it, between like the romance era of painting and I guess of literature as well. And by romance, I mean romantic in the sense of nature. Like there's something of a romantic quality to nature and the sublime and sublimity and how that interacted and inspired a lot of artists in the romance period. Lord Byron.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
Okay, I don't like how it's the full-size ingredients. This is also like, what, it's made of wood? That's no fun to suck on. baby. I don't want to suck on wooden toys. I want that good plastic. I want that plastic that'll bend under your teeth. You know what I mean? This wood, you just leave bite marks in it and then you get yelled at. Okay.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
You need a nice, a plastic cooking set that is just ideally riddled with mercury and lead and just really get that in your mouth and just suck on it. You know what I mean? Really, really get all the, the toppings off. Yeah, see, I don't like this. You're making a pizza and it's a full-size onion, a full-size slice of Swiss cheese. Mama, that's not a pizza.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
If I was a baby, I'd look at my mom and be like, you're a fucking bitch. You're a bitch because you know this isn't realistic. And when I open my pizzeria, when I open Papa's pizzeria, this is not going to do. And it's not real-life experience that a baby would need if a baby's going to make it in the pizza circuit. I just, I'm just saying. And look, half of the toys you get here are just logs.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
You're not playing with the logs. Actually, I've got a question. I've got a question for everyone in the chat. What is Montessori? Montessori is like some crazy way to raise kids. Montessori wooden switchboard for three and up years old, year olds. A switchboard, dude? We're teaching them electricity?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
A switchboard. Learning about technology with zero screen time. The most engaging travel companion on the market improved finger and hand coordination, setting up the future DJs of the world for success. Guys, if you're looking to raise DJs, electrical engineers, big crossover there, you might want to look into a Montessori wooden switchboard because I'm thinking about getting one for myself.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
Look, rotating lights. I just want to know how does this, does this not electrocute them? And what can you actually do? This feels like it's live wires and it's probably not that fucking special. It's like not that good for them. I just worry a little bit. Oh, what's your son playing with in the backseat? Oh, a live car battery. Is that? No, he loves it. It's his favorite toy.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
No, it's his favorite toy. Come on, it teaches them about technology without a screen. Come on. Yeah, it's good for him. And what do you know about the movie Flushed Away? And what's your name? Shucky. And why do they call you that? Shucky. He walks around with a car battery and he fucking shocks people. That would be my kid. My kid when I get them the Montessori wooden switchboard. Shucky.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
Shockey flushed away. That's good.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
has a quote that says, I love not man the less, but nature the more. So it's like this real emphasis on nature's beauty and nature's awe-inspiring connection between us and it and how we are inevitably inferior to nature. Am I making sense? I had a quad from Duncan. Okay, hello to Duncan. I had a quad from Duncan and I'm feeling like I could be giving 13 different commencement speeches at once.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
Me. God, that's me. You always think you're Rita, but really you're the big fucking sibling on the boat that's practicing his roller skating in his school uniform. That's me. Tom Jones! Oh, I love Tom Jones. Do you think, honestly, if I went to the UK, not even the UK, well, maybe the UK. If I went to either the UK or Ireland, am I coming out of there?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
Am I returning to the motherland changed with an accent? You know when they say like, oh yeah, I moved here when I was 18 and they're like 30 now? Is 12 years enough time to develop a new accent? Let's Google that. When, how long does it take to adopt a new accent?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
Younger individuals under the age of eight tend to more readily pick up accents, while older individuals over 14 may find it more challenging. to completely assimilate a new accent. Yeah, here's the type of shit I want to know. If I moved to Britain and lived there long enough, would I ever develop a British accent? I had an American... Okay, this is a comment from 10 years ago.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
I had an American accent. I am not American before I moved to Britain at the age of 14. Why did you have an American accent? Now, nearly half a decade later, just say five years, I have a hybrid accent such that British people think my accent slightly hints towards an American accent. That's not what I, I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
I know other people who have moved around the UK and picked up regional accents really easily. Sometimes you have to make a conscious decision to change how you say things. Like my American friend had to change how she said water as nobody understood her here. Yeah, I think that's the telltale sign.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
All my British friends and all the interviews with British celebrities that I watch are always like, you have to come to America and say water, water, water. Because they can't do water. Or water. It's just a water for me. What? What the fuck did you just say? I'll digest a water pipe. Speak English. A water for me. If you got that hot water. What the fuck did you just say to me? Say it again.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
Yeah, it's funny. They have to come here and be like, I'll have a water. Water. With a D. Water. Water. Or if you're from Baltimore, Wooder, right? Isn't that how East Coast people say it? Wooder. Okay, anyway, my final concluding thoughts on Sex and the City, and here's where I am right now. Aiden and Carrie just ended their engagement, okay? He moved out.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
That whole saga was so annoying to me, and I cried again because that first time they break up outside of the church when Charlotte's getting married, I sobbed my fucking eyes out. Because what would you do if you're in Carrie's situation? First of all, not cheat. Second of all, realize that Aiden is the best thing that's ever happened to you.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
And you double fucked up because you will never find someone as good as Aiden. But maybe her and Big are made for each other. I don't know how it ends. Okay, so... I'm on season five right now. I just started season five. Carrie's got that fuck ass haircut and I hope she grows her hair out again. Samantha and Richard just broke up.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
Charlotte is doing a tap dancing class and Miranda had her baby question mark. Now let me ask you a question really quick. Do you agree that Miranda's character would have had the baby? I don't believe it for a second. I think Miranda, while her maybe, not taste level, her judgment sometimes is impaired.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
Like in her professional life, she is so cut and dry and to the point and intelligent and logical, you know, and like, this is how it's done. And I do things this way. And she stands up for herself. She asserts herself, self-advocacy, all these qualities. But in her personal life, Girl, what the fuck? Why are we still talking about Steve season five? I'm pissed off.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
And for all you Steve enjoyers out there, great. Have you ever had to date a Steve? Have you ever dated a Steve? Like, it's psychological warfare. And at a certain point, here's my thing, right? At a certain point, Miranda's doing it to her fucking self. She is choosing chaos over peace. And I understand if it's for like the plot or if you're trying to, you know, but it starts to fucking green.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
Why did you have the baby if you're not with Steve? Why are you doing this weird co-parenting thing and then not letting him like be with the baby? Also, you knew, you knew from when you dated Steve that he is a grown-up baby. That is a baby man where you started to mother him and parent him when you were dating each other.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
Not even when you were dating each other, when you were just fucking each other. You were parenting him and he started to resent you for it because he's a grown-up baby. You think that man's going to be a good father? Are you out of your fucking mind? If Miranda was my friend, I would have, in a lovingly way, yelled at her. I would have been like, Miranda, what are you doing, babe?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
If you want to have a baby, what are we to... You genuinely want to have a baby. Let's sit down and talk about this because it's not just your responsibility, right? A lot of that gets put on the parents, the family. By the way, she just lost her mom. The friends. And she hires, you know... I guess, a nanny and a this and a that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
And it's like, okay, she has the money to financially support having a child, but that doesn't make... I don't get the vibe from Miranda that she wants to be a mother, that she wants a baby. And this is the whole issue. And maybe it's my relationship with motherhood and child rearing where...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
Like I'm teaching a lecture in one side of my brain and I'm giving a commencement speech in another and I'm doing the podcast in another. Like a lot's going on up here and I'm trying to chunnel it. I'm trying to chunnel it. I'm trying to chunnel it. Just made a new word. If I'm not mistaken, the channel is a thing that used to connect the UK to France. Does the channel exist anymore?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
If that child is not guaranteed to be looked after, taken care of, properly cared for, both on the emotional sense and time given to raising the child, where connections can be formed between mother and child and all this, if that can't be provided, why have the baby? And that's just me because we're operating.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
I mean, all these shit, this shit swirling in my head of like, what type of world am I bringing a child into? One that's, you know, climate change is a fucking ticking time bomb and where the cost of living has never been higher and all this. It's just not the time or place to bring a baby into it. I also understand on the flip side of if you get pregnant,
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
and you want to keep the baby, keep the baby, right? But let's be mature about it. And let's accept the fact that this isn't just, oh, it's a little mini you, mini me. This is a brand new person. This is a brand new person that you now have to raise and make into a functioning member of society. Does that not scare the shit out of you? I'm barely a brand new person.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
I think that's my thing is like the responsibility of motherhood is not lost on me. And I feel like on some people it is lost. Like you don't understand how important your job is. You just signed up to do this job and it's arguably the most important job on planet earth, being a mother. Is that just me freaking out? That's me freaking the fuck out.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
And some people are like, oh, you just have to find the right partner they want to have a baby with. No, I don't think my opinion on motherhood will change if I have a good partner in the picture or not. Like it's still that task and that responsibility and that job is so daunting to me. I don't want to do it. And that's just me. That's me. I've never been maternal.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
I've never, I never played with baby dolls. I never this, that, and the other. It's never been something that has called to my heart, called my spirit. And I've thought about this too. What if I end up with a dude who's like, I just want a baby. We're breaking up. For real. For real, we're breaking up. Because we're not aligned.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
And I can't tolerate, and this is the Miranda and Steve crock of bullshit horse shit that started to piss me off. It is very clear Miranda did not want to have that baby. So why did she have it? Because Steve wanted it? What are we talking about? Now you just put the child in the middle of y'all's two bickering for the rest of your fucking life. I digress. Okay? Sex and the City, what else?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
Oh, Samantha, I love Samantha. I think Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda are the best friends, like the best quality of friends. And I think Carrie's really selfish. I do, I think Carrie's a really selfish character and I think she plays the victim. And I don't appreciate that. But honestly, what makes this show so beautiful and so magical is that the archetypes are so realistic.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
Like a lot of the types of people or partners or girlfriends or coworkers, whatever it is that they show, those relationships are very realistic. They don't feel embellished for the screen. It's like, I know a girl like that, or I used to work with someone like that or whatever. It's like, it feels very real. And I think that's why it stood the test of time.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
Couldn't tell you. Yeah, but I do miss Aiden. And I think he comes back. Don't tell me anything! Because I know I need to watch, there's another series, and then there's two movies. And why isn't Samantha in one? I don't know, girl. I need to catch up. Okay, I need to finish the actual series. I don't know how much I have left. I think I have, how many seasons? Is it eight?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
Oh, what the fuck is Montessori? What is Montessori? I'll get to this in a second. How many seasons of Sex and the City?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
Oh my god. I'm gonna break the set. There's six. I'm almost done. No. I've been powering through this show, bro. I literally am Miranda. I'm Miranda. Sans baby and sans gallbladder. Damn. Okay, what next?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
How have I not talked about this yet? Okay, I'm actually going to get way more into this next week because I want to dedicate a full episode to it, but I feel the need to sow the seed this week, okay? We're going to start talking about songs of the week. First of all, I released another single. It's called Stained. Please go listen to it. It's fucking gag. If you don't mind me saying, it's gag.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
The channel tunnel. The channel. A rail tunnel under the English Channel connecting Folkestone in the UK to Coquelin, France. I am a genius. That's so funny. They were like, channel, channel, fucking channel. Do you know what I mean? Fuck it. Too much to say. Fuck it. It's too much in the fucking mouth. Channel. Here's a more detailed look at the channel.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
And honestly, it's a stepping stone to what the album is going to be.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
Yes. Very yes. To what the album is going to be. And that's all I'm going to say on that. Okay. But please go listen to Stained. It's out now. Okay, and here are the songs of the week. So, if any of you follow me on Instagram.gov, I've been freaking the fuck out about Fontaine's DC for a little over a week now. I'd say it's been about a week. I think about two episodes ago, I mentioned...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
In Fort Worth. And I remember hearing I Love You, their song I Love You, and thinking, oh, this is kind of good. And I saved it on Spotify. But I talked through the whole set. Me and my best friend Taylor, we talked through the whole fucking set. Because we were so excited to be there. And we were so... Talked through the whole set. I'm pissed the fuck off.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
Because if I would have known what my personal relationship with Grian Chatton would have been three years later, I'm pissed the fuck off. Grian Chatton is a personal... He is a god to me. And I missed it! I talked to the whole set! Oh my god, I'm livid. I was ferociously scrolling back through my photos to see if I had taken any videos of their set from the Monkees concert. I didn't.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
I was livid, dude! Okay. If it's not too soon to say, Fontaine's DC, and their frontman, Green Chen, technically Irish band, right? Half of the members, not from Dublin. Some of them are Spanish. That's cool. And their whole concept, I guess, was... from the first album is it explores their relationship to and with Ireland.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
And then every subsequent album after that is either trying to get away from that or back to it. And it's just this sort of tumultuous ever present relationship trying to speak and not speak about Ireland. Okay. And that's really summarizing it in like a kind of cheap way. Obviously the art's so much more nuanced and deep and the lyricism is, here's what I want to say.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
want to know about that you know about oh death by ralph stanley does anyone know anything about that until you can't talk i'll lock your jaw till you can't talk no one knows about that all right that's fine welcome back to another episode of my big fat chungus fucking life welcome back to no one gets me in my big fat chungus life What's next on the docket? Fucking being alone. Forever alone.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
The lyricism that Grian brings to this fucking band rivals to me, and this is the highest of compliments, Hosier, Sam Fender, Florence and the Machine, Mumford and Sons, right? Like this level of lyricism. And there are even qualities of Fontaine's DC, because they're a punk band, post-punk, whatever you want to call it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
There are elements of it where I'm like, I hear Green talk about how much he loves the Beach Boys and like, obviously bands that have formed major pillars of music history. And Also very regional, you know, cultural, like the Pogues and the Dubliners and all that sort of music is very important as well to the sort of cosmic makeup of their universe and their sound. That shit gets me hyped.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
Anyway, there are so many other like punk bands and sort of jam bands and guitar bands that... I think their sound is closer to, but when it comes to the songwriting, I know he's spoken ad nauseum of like James Joyce and all these sort of, like Sinead O'Connor and all these influences on him lyrically.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
But dude, there is a song called Oh Such a Spring by Fontaine's DC, which is kind of a sleeper hit because... The sort of more head-banging, like, you know, I want to take an edible and dissociate and levitate above the crowd. Those songs like Starburster or I love the song Roman Holiday or In the Modern World or Bug, any of these songs, like, yeah, I'm jamming. Oh, such a spring.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
Let me go ahead and read y'all these lyrics. And I put this on Instagram because I mean it. This songwriting to me is rivaling Lennon McCartney. And I'm a Beatles girl down. I'm a Beatles girl down. I love the Stones. I have the Stones tattooed on me. That quality of songwriting is gag. I'm gagged. Okay, this is Oh Such a Spring by Fontaine Steezy. Down by the docks, the weather was fine.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
I'll give you a detailed look at my channel. Sorry. Let's move on. There's a shuttle service that takes you to the channel. There's a fucking shuttle for the channel. Okay. Guys! What the fuck was I talking about Lord Byron for? Seriously, why the hell did I bring up Lord Byron? Oh, here's what I wanted to actually bring up in regards to Lord Byron. Oh, he had some tea, girl.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
The sailors were drinking American wine, and I wished I could go back to spring again. Now they're all gone. That's life moving on. Some stayed behind to get drunk on the song, and they wish they could go back to spring again. Oh, such a spring. The noise of the town, the salt in the air, it plays all around, but I no longer care, and I wish I could go back to spring again."
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
They try words and down through the years, it all turns to tears. They don't know, but they try anyway. The clouds cleared up. The sun hit the sky. I watched all the folks go to work just to die. And I wished I could go back to spring again. What the fuck? And I know, so they're all credited with writing this song, right? All the members of Fontaine's DC.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
I don't know, because there's songs like this where I'm like, that's just a damn well-written song. It's just a great song. Then there are songs like I Love You that are so complex because it's about their relationship with Ireland and both the positive and negative qualities of it and all the nuance that's in that. They're just, dude. Like I love them so much.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
And it's been, I know that some people have been telling me to get into them and I'm like, I don't know why I put it off for so long because I'm gagged. I love them. And they just finished their US tour and I'm so mad. Anyway, here are my songs of the week that as much as I love their music, I love their lyrics more. So read these songs.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
Like I said, Roman Holiday, Big, Bug, The Modern World, I Don't Belong. Fuck me, I love that song. I Love You and Favorite. I would say start there and then work your way back to like Skinty Fia and Dog Roll. Like make your way back, if that makes sense. Because it's cool to see how they've evolved backward. Anyway. Oh, yeah.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
I wrote down a quote because he said this about, Grian said this about some of the writing. He said, you can either be at odds with your reality and carry that search for truth, or you can relax into the warm bath of madness and delusion, which a functioning society has to do. He said that in some random interview. I said, what the fuck? I love her. And I say this a lot.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
There's something very special about connecting with an artist or an author that makes you feel like, God, they could have taken that out of my mind. I say this all the time. I felt that way when I first read Orwell and when I dove into Orwell and I feel that way about Hosier and I feel that way about Fontaine CC. Like...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
You took the words out of my brain, and I don't know if I could have ever constructed it that way, but yes. Yes, exactly. It's like you take the sentiment out of my chest and somehow put it into a catchy song. I just love them. I fucking love them. Here's another song of the week, not Fontaine CC, Rolling On by Jackie Vinson. I'm in my women in blues era.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
Been doing a lot of Jackie Vinson and Big Mama Thornton. That's all the other Fontaine CC and then Big Mama Thornton. So that's really what I'm doing right now. Okay, y'all, I love you to damn death. If you want a Moo Moo or a Broski Report hoodie or a t-shirt for summer, go ahead to broski.shop and go see what's on there. I mean, that's really for you guys. And go stream my single, Stained.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
Something was happening with Lord Byron. If any of y'all are lit students or had to study Lord Byron at all, there is a very commonly understood quality to Lord Byron. For reference, he was kind of hot and he was an author, a poet. And sort of a socialite celebrity in the early 1800s. Let me go ahead and pull up a photograph of Lord Byron. And keep in mind, he's fucked up, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
And sorry if I'm like, something's up with my brain. I honestly, I've been doing a lot of edibles and it's been making me fucking stupid. It's been making me stupid. I feel stupid. Something's in the air. Major shifts in the wind are happening for June. Okay. It's pride month. Happy pride month to everyone who gives a shit. And something's in the water. So y'all need to beware. All right.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
I love you. I love you. Love you. Be good. Okay. Bye.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
He's very fucked up. Here he is, though. Okay, now he's kind of got those cousin kisser lips. There's something going on with the, you know, strong Roman nose. And how much of this also is like, yeah, and make my jaw a little bit sharper, right? Like you can't really trust this era of painting. Anyway, he was widely regarded as one of the most attractive, alluring celebrities of his time.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
And by that, I mean 1810 to like 1816, I think is when he wrote Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, which is this crazy travel-ish novel. A novel, if you will. It's poetry. It's in cantos, okay? There's four cantos. And essentially, trust me, I'm getting there, okay? He writes this thing about his grand tour that he takes.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
Because as we know, in Regency era Britain, it was customary for young men to take what was called the grand tour around Europe. And by Europe, I also mean into sort of Eastern Europe into the Mediterranean and Northern Africa. There was a real emphasis on this to finish your education, to finish your education. He was probably around 22 when he took this grand tour.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
You go all around Europe and you're supposed to, you know, kind of what what's his name does in Bridgerton. That's exactly what what Byron did is you just go to learn about culture and have experiences that a man would and this, that, the other. And then you return to the UK to wed. Well, girl, Lord Byron went on his grand tour and he got into some shit. Lord Byron was a nasty freak.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
Direct from the Broski Nation headquarters in Los Angeles, California, this is the Broski Report with your host, Brittany Broski.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
He was wildly regarded as one of the best poets of the time until he wasn't. So he was like kind of a womanizer, but also bi and he had fucked his half sister. Okay. Keep that in mind. And he had a kid and I think like didn't really care much for the kid was kind of abusive towards her and was just like dedicated to living this life of debauchery and indulgence. And he was excommunicated for it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
He was exiled from the UK and I cannot remember where the hell he went, but his life was really tea and Lord Byron was, I find very intriguing because to have such indulgence in earthly pleasures, you know, to really eat all the fruits of Western society and then have this really pronounced... admiration and deep connectivity to nature is such a strange dichotomy.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
And it's present in all of his works. It's why he's regarded as one of the most famous romantic poets is because he loved nature. And it is so present in all of his works and some of his quotes and even his sentiments up to the very end.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
It's just like, here is someone who understands his role in nature, but at the same time participated in such self-destructive and just sabotage in general social activity. Crazy. He is such a fucking character. People loved him until they didn't, okay? He truly was, he's regarded a lot of the times amongst historians as one of the first celebrities.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
And he's quoted as saying, I woke up one morning and found myself famous. Because after he published his book, Child Herald's Pilgrimage, which is based on his grand tour, like I was saying, people were addicted to him. They were addicted to him. Sold out immediately. And yeah, why the fuck was I talking about Lord Byron? Anyway, let's move on to Sex and the City.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
I am finally watching Sex and the City for the first time. Yes, first time watch, guys. First time watch. And can I just say, it is harrowing. It's very harrowing to realize that you are Miranda. And not only are you Miranda, you're a combo of Miranda and Carrie. And it's a little bit unforgivable, to be honest.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
What I enjoy about Sex and the City is it has some crossover with shows or movies like Little Women or whatever, where, yes, sure, it's about men and sex and this and that and whatever, okay? Getting it and giving it and fucking on it and sucking it. But however... What's more important than bouncing on it and sucking on it is actually sisterhood. Yeah, you guys hate, you hate for me to say that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
What happens when I turn into just a millennial shit poster because I've been pushed to my limit? You're going to know that I'm actually, I've crossed over the hill. The proverbial hill that they talk about when you turn 50 and you bet. No, no, no, no. The proverbial hill I'm going to go over is the millennial hill. where I just give in. I wear my galaxy print leggings.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
It's about sisterhood and it's about at the end of the day, what a show like Sex and the City is reminding me is that I have not de-centered men enough. Oh God. And that takes a lot for me to say. Shows like Sex and the City, I'm just like, oh my God, can they not see he's a fucking loser? He's a loser! Move on, move on, move on, move on.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
And then I'm like, oh my God, if I was watching a TV show about my life, I would be saying that to myself as well. So I can't really fault them. But at the same time... What this show is genuinely teaching me is no one has your back the way that your girlfriends do. Whether that's telling you something you really need to hear but don't want to hear.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
Whether that's showing love in a way that you wish romantic partners would. You can find an almost identical love with your sisters, you know, with your girlfriends. And that's just like, wow, what a fucking privilege. joy of life that quite frankly, a lot of men don't get to experience in their whole lives. They'll never understand like the bond between women, like best friends that are women.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
It's just... It makes me cry, honestly. Like, I'm watching Sex and the City crying, bitch. Okay, and let's move on to what I actually want to talk about. I had to get that out of the way because I do, that's my takeaway from Sex and the City is like, God, no one loves you the way that your friends love you, period. Second takeaway, Carrie fumbled her fucking bag with Aiden.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
How are you going to leave Aiden once you cheat on him and then you cheat on him again and then you get him back? Fuck!
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
I can't even start to get into this. I'm gonna freak out! Who the fuck plays Aiden? What is his fucking name? I don't care. And he was 39 when he started! Aiden! Aiden. Okay, y'all, I don't, like, how do I even say this? The first time you meet Aiden in this show, okay, for those who haven't seen Sex and the City, it's one of Carrie's fucking boyfriends, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
And she only, so far, she's only had two serious boyfriends. And this is my favorite because let me tell you something about Big, bitch. I don't want to see Big anymore. I don't want to see him. He moved away. He moved to fucking Napa, California. Good riddance. I don't want to see Big anymore. There was a time period where I was addicted to Big because guess what? We've all been there.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
I've had my Mr. Big. Everyone's had their fucking Mr. Big. And I slowly started to realize what is his name? Because there's this awkward scene where him and Aiden meet and they never introduce him. It's just kind of understood. Anyway, I know that's probably on purpose, but it started to piss me off because I'm like, he looks like... Like, what would his name be?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
I have Nyan Cat on everything. I have a mustache tattoo right here. And I'm like, that was random. Epic random pie moment. God, bring that shit back. There's a freedom. There's a freedom in that, okay? To be cringe is to be free. And I promise you, there will come a time when the owl necklace comes back, okay? Funky Julie. All that shit's gonna come back. And I'm gonna... Oh, dude.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
Yeah, maybe. I don't know. It would be some like super fucking white guy name. Anyway. She's going back and forth, back and forth with Big. And I'm thinking... This... This woman loves the chaos. And someone like Aiden, I'm discussing this with you guys, like it's one of our mutual friends and we're at dinner, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
This is you and I having a margarita, a spicy margarita, basket of chips and salsa. And maybe we're at Chewy's. Maybe we're at Chewy's and there's that jalapeno ranch. And then halfway through the conversation, I have to run out and I have to go have diarrhea because that shit is so good, but it does make me squirt diarrhea. Anyway. This is you and I sharing a basket of chips and salsa.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
Here's the thing about Carrie. She thrives in the chaos, okay? She was never going to be able to handle what Aiden could have provided for her, which is safety, security, like truly anything she could have needed, which pisses me off because she's sabotaged because he saw her as a marriage material and she wasn't ready to get married because she wasn't done fucking around with Big. I'm pissed.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
96: Carrie Bradshaw & Lord Byron
There were so many scenes where Aiden came in and he was like, why did you leave the room to take a call with Big? Right? Like, is there something here that we need to talk about? She was like, oh, I just didn't think you'd appreciate what, yeah, I don't appreciate you taking a phone call with him. So can we meet in the middle? And you know what?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
So when I did one lesson on Nibble, it was because I wanted to learn about the Greek gods. And it's also super fucking confusing because the Roman gods that they literally stole from the Greek gods and renamed and made it worse or made it mid is like you learn one story and then you hear it in another name and then you're like, well, who the fuck is that? Oh, it's the same.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
Oh, but it's slightly different because it's Roman. It's just too much. So I'm very loosely familiar with... the Titans, the story of Kronos. Everyone's seen that painting, let me pull it up, of Saturn eating his son. See, like, are Saturn and Kronos the same? Yes, the Roman god Saturn is the equivalent of the Greek Titan Kronos. See what I mean?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
Kronos, both representing the same figure in their respective mythologies. In Greek mythology, Kronos was a Titan, the father of Zeus and other Olympian gods, and the ruler of the cosmos before the Olympians. Okay. So keeping that in mind, Saturn devouring his son by Goya. I'm sure y'all have seen this painting before.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
I think I mentioned it in that old YouTube video I did of why were Goya's paintings so dark. He painted this one kind of later on in his life when he was descending into madness. And this is the story of Kronos originally, the Greek Titan.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
devouring not only one of his sons but multiple of his children because he feared his sons were going to usurp him or kill him and take his power, and he would not stand for that. So after doing this three, four, five times, his wife, Rhea— Took the last son, swapped him for a stone, and gave the stone to Kronos, and he swallowed the stone and, you know, whatever.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
So she took the last boy, raised him outside of the sort of... view of Kronos, built him up to be a hero, broke him, killed Kronos, okay, killed his father, and this is in a succession, a successional line of, like, generational trauma of the same kind, because Kronos, you guessed it, killed his dad to take power, and his dad was Uranus, Uranus, and
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
I can't have caffeine, I guess, question mark, because my gallbladder, or lack thereof, and at least for like four to six weeks is what all of the websites and the doctors and surgeons are telling me, okay? It's what they're telling me, and it has something to do with the liver. There's a lot of stress on my liver right now, okay? My liver just got promoted.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
In Greek mythology, Kronos' father was Uranus, the primordial god of the sky, and his mother was Gaia, the goddess of the earth. Okay, so, yeah, boom. Kronos was a titan, the leader of the titans, and he overthrew his father, Uranus, with the help of his mother. And so it only makes sense that who overthrew Kronos? Zeus, let's fucking go! That's right!
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
In Greek mythology, Kronos was defeated by his son, Zeus, who, alongside his siblings, overthrew the Titans and established the Olympian gods as rulers. And now that was tea because when Zeus killed Kronos, he freed all of his siblings that were in his father's stomach. Okay? Right. It's actually really interesting... Well, duh, it's interesting.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
But to study all this, because primordial means like foundational making of, you know, the elements, the earth, the world as we know it. Any of these gods who are fundamental in the creation of life and forces of nature. So this is really, really cool to think. I mean, who fucking knows, right? But the origins of these stories, which, keeping in mind, were all told orally, really, really cool.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
And there's so much fucking lore. There's so much lore. That's why it intimidates me. This is one of the few lessons I studied on Nibble that actually stuck with me, which is cool because now I'm reading Circe. And Circe's dad is Helios. And Helios is the sun god, or I guess the god of the sun, who every morning rides his chariot across the sky, and that is the sunrise and sundown.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
And Helios is a cousin of Oceanus, who is not Poseidon, okay? And here's another factoid. The Trevi Fountain in Rome, it's the big... Big ass fountain, right? All marble, beautiful. I mean, it's astounding how big it is. Because you see photos and you're like, oh, it's some dinkular fountain. No, motherfucker. It is so tall and so wide. It's not Poseidon at the middle.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
Let me pull up a picture of Trevor Fountain. Damn.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
Okay, so this is the famous Trevi Fountain. By the way, on the back of a government building, this is just on the back, this god right here, not Poseidon, that is Oceanus. And these two figures down on the bottom left and bottom right, let me say this and then I'm going to fact check it, okay? One of them is to represent the calm nature of the sea. It's a horse or it's a, what are those called?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
Like sea horses. There's a name for it. It's like the front half is a normal horse and the back is a tail. One is to represent the calm nature of the sea and the other is to represent the violent, turbulent, unpredictable nature of the sea. Let me see if I was right. The central figure Oceanus, the god of water, is a powerful representation of the might and bounty of the sea.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
Flanked by tritons and horses, the composition symbolizes the contrasting moods of the sea from calm to turbulent. I am a fucking genius, dude. Moreover, the fountain's history is deeply intertwined with Rome's ancient traditions. The practice of building monumental fountains at the Termini of Aqueducts dates back to the Roman Empire, and the Trevi continues this legacy.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
My liver just sort of got promoted to COO of my body because gallbladder quit. Gallbladder went ahead and stood up and said, I can't fucking do this anymore. I quit and stormed out. Didn't even take her stuff with her. Actually, she did. She took her gallstones with her. And so now there's extra stress on my liver. And because of that, I can't drink.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
Okay, so back to whatever the hell I was talking about. Circe is the daughter of Helios. Oh, that's what I was saying. Oceanus and Poseidon are two different gods. So let's look up the difference. In Greek mythology, Oceanus is a titan god of the freshwater river that was thought to encircle the earth, while Poseidon is an Olympian god who ruled over the seas and earthquakes.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
Oceanus was considered the source of all rivers, springs, and seas, and the father of all waters. He's often depicted as a powerful old man figure, sometimes with a long beard and flowing robe. So Poseidon is the powerful and often volatile god known for his trident and his ability to control the ocean and cause earthquakes.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
He's often depicted as a bearded man with a trident, sometimes with a crown or a long robe. Here's the difference. Oceanus is a titan, an older generation of gods, while Poseidon is an Olympian, a younger generation. Oceanus ruled over freshwater, while Poseidon ruled over the seas and earthquakes.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
Oceanus is often portrayed as a more calm and peaceful figure, while Poseidon is known for his temper and violent nature. See, the more you know. Anyway, so Circe is the daughter of Helios, the sun god, who is a cousin to Oceanus. And they've just introduced a character called Prometheus, right? Who Prometheus, I'm learning so much, y'all. It's so fun to share it with you.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
Prometheus was punished by Zeus because Prometheus gave fire and quote-unquote civilization to mortals, to humans. So back when humans were in the cave doing whatever and they couldn't cook and they were eating each other and doing whatever, I don't fucking know, cavemen. Prometheus gave them the gift of fire and organized society.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
Zeus punished him forever for this because it wasn't his will and banished Prometheus to the underworld where he is trapped forever. And we're coming back in this... Where I am in Cersei right now is Prometheus is now facing a new trial where I guess he's gonna... It's his eternal punishment? I don't fucking know. So that's where I'm at.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
And it's really interesting because Madeline Miller explains the backstory pretty well. Like, it's pretty understandable. There's a lot of characters. But then again... any fantasy novel or Game of Thrones type book is like, there's so many characters and there's so many lineages and family trees that, okay, you know, I can keep up.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
And she includes an appendix in the back for if you forget who so-and-so is or whatever. So yeah, that's, I'm enjoying it. And after I finish Cersei, I'm going to go back to Clytemnestra, whatever the fuck her name is. And who is she the daughter of? Cly... Nestor, wife of Agamemnon. No way, the king of Mycenae, Mycenae, and the half-sister of Helen of Sparta.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
I can't have fatty foods because I don't want a fatty liver. Okay, last thing you want. The last thing you'd want in your body chemistry is a fatty liver. Turns out that might be exactly what you get. You can't have a fatty liver. What? Fatty liver! So I'm really trying not to put too much stress on my body and on the detoxifier in my body, which is my liver.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
That's big tea, because in Song of Achilles, if you've read Song of Achilles, you know about King Agamemnon. This is so ridiculous. Okay, I wanted to talk about some of my favorites, because that's the fucking point of this podcast at the end of the day. I want to talk to y'all about some of my favorite things right now. Here are some of my favorite things as follows.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
I can't get enough of dried figs and dried apricots. Apricots. I'm loving them. They always put them on those dinky little charcuterie boards. I eat them bitches raw. I eat them out the bag. I love a dried apricot. I love a dried fig. And I made, I think I mentioned this briefly last time, I made charcuterie nachos. Fucking delicious. So good.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
And then on the side, you put a little dried fig, dried apricot, a little bit of honey. Okay. Wow. Really, really yum. I've been loving that. I've been trying to eat more... Whole foods. I'm not doing Whole30 and all that horse shit, but because my diet is so strict, I'm trying to do, you know what I mean? Oh, my ears just started ringing. That's cool. Am I dying? Ahoy, all ye listeners!
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
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89: Stuck In Purgatory
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89: Stuck In Purgatory
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89: Stuck In Purgatory
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
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89: Stuck In Purgatory
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89: Stuck In Purgatory
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89: Stuck In Purgatory
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
And because of that, they've told me to limit caffeine. So I'm doing that. I'm raw dogging this today, okay? That's a lie. Actually, because what I did, what I did just now is I had a drink. I don't know this brand. I literally saw it on Instacart and I said, let's figure out what's going on there. It's called Haywell. This is not sponsored, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
Head to acorns.com slash broski or download the Acorns app to get started. Paid non-client endorsement. Compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns. Tier 2 compensation provided. Investing involves risk. Acorns Advisors LLC and SEC registered investment advisor. View important disclosures at acorns.com slash broski. Okay, it stopped. Dying averted for now.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
Charcuterie nachos, I'm doing the dried fruit, and I like a green juice. I never thought I'd be one of those bitches that's like, I make my own green juice, and I don't, okay? I buy the green juice, but I enjoy it, and it makes me feel good about myself. Do you know what I mean? Do you know what I mean? I watched these, I need y'all to know this.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
I watched these episodes back and I'm like, you sound like a babbling idiot. You know what I mean? Like, like, like, mine, mine, mine. Shh, I, I'm at my wits end with y'all. I'm serious. I cannot deal with it. I'm so sorry. I'd like to apologize a hundred million times. Anyway, I've been loving green juice and what the fuck else? This right here, I literally brought it because I wanted to show you.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
I think I've talked about Salt and Stone before, and I tried their deodorant. That shit did not work, and I'm so sorry to whoever was around me that day that I tried it out. That shit did not make my BO go away. I would just say it sort of made my BO smell like vetiver. Anyway. This shit right here, it's the hand cream, bergamot and hinoki. Get into this, girl. I love this. I'm addicted to it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
I'm not someone who typically is like... I carry around hand cream and cuticle oil and whatever, but this makes me feel so soft, and I've got eczema real bad on my hands, and it doesn't fix the eczema, but it definitely keeps it at bay. This really, I love this. I love how it smells. I love how it makes my hands feel. I wash my hands a lot, so that's been in my bag a lot lately.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
What else has been in my bag? Oh, I've got my rashes back.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
What are we doing? Oh, I had a dream last night about my ex-situationship as well.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
Seriously. I bet US dollars that he paid an Etsy witch to do that to me. I'm livid. I'm livid. I can't believe you permeated my dream space to send me that fuck-ass message. And let me... Hold on. I don't know if I've ever told y'all this.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
This young gentleman, when we had our little whatever, brought me a gift. I couldn't give it back to him when we broke up because that's mean, right? I'm not going to be like, thanks for this, whatever. I just kept it. And I was like, I'm going to give it to Goodwill. Like, I don't, it's bad energy to keep it in my house, but I'm not just going to throw it away to have it be in a landfill.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
I'll just give it away. Well, it's sitting on my little chair in my room. And I'm cleaning my room. We have just broken up, like literally the day of. And it's nighttime and I'm crying and I feel like, oh, did I just make a mistake? Like, what if that's the best I could do? Like really going through it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
I just saw this and it was marketed as like a, it's a sparkling water. Because now I have to look at the ingredients, okay? You know, I love Red Bull. You know, I could just, with my mouth closed and eyes shut and with just my nose, I could be like, that's a blueberry Red Bull. I don't know if I can do it anymore. There's so much extra ingredients in Red Bull. I miss it, though.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
And I go to pick up this fucking stuffed animal and I pick it up and there is a giant red spider under the little hoodie that this stuffed animal was wearing. And I said, oh my God. And I dropped it. I freaked the fuck out. I have never, there are spiders in my house all the time, okay? It's an old house. I've got a lot of vegetation around.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
It's not uncommon, but I just take my little vacuum and I suck it up. And it's normal spiders, you know, like household spiders, wood spiders, whatever. A big ass red spider. I've lived here for two years. I've never seen anything like that. Not gonna work. And so I start freaking out and it makes me cry harder. And I'm like, you brought a bad omen into my house. I go and get my vacuum.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
I suck it up. And then I sit down and I'm like, maybe this is a sign. And I look it up. And sure enough, let me read what this says. Seeing a red spider holds powerful spiritual significance, symbolizing passion, energy, and transformation. Okay. I didn't even know how much my life was about to change. It felt like my life was ending. Girl, a whole new season.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
of bountiful blessings and friendship and love was about to reveal itself to me. And I don't want to be one of those woo-woo, trust the universe girls, but ultimately I am. Ultimately, that is who I am. This was crazy. I cried for about 15 minutes. It was just really emotional. And, like, to go through all that and a breakup is just, it just sucks regardless.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
Like, remember when I came on here and cried after it happened? It was just, like, I learn so much about myself through every situationship, every fucking whatever that I have. And I learn about what I will not tolerate. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
For at least the next month, I need to take it easy. I'm not really doing battery acid on the stomach right now. I can't really do that. Even coffee, I'm like, am I going to die? Because if I start vomiting with no... Oh, I can't imagine. It's going to be so painful. Anyway, I tried one of these because it said that it's got... It's all like... organic fucking, I don't know.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
And so I tried one, tasted good. I got the cherry limeade one and it's got 75 milligrams of caffeine in it. I don't really feel any different, but then again, I just cooked, I just Anthony Bourdain-ed it up in the kitchen for about two and a half hours off the hay well. So maybe I expended all my energy there.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
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The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
., P P P P P P P P P P P P ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac ac in P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P P la cad wh gi cad wh gi cad wh gi cad wh gi cad generà gi cad generà gi cad generà gi cad generà gi cad generà generà gi cad generà gi cad gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà gà g turnover g turnover g turnover g
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
We're so back. I haven't watched the short film yet. I can't. I literally, I need to be, like, locked in, tissues on hand. It's too much. She posted that teaser of her as an old woman. I can't do it. I can't do it. Remember how it took me six months to watch Pedro Pascal on Hot Ones? I couldn't do it. I can't fucking deal with it. That's how I feel about it.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
I'll watch the Eternal Sunshine movie in about three months, and I'll be like, why is no one talking about it? Because I couldn't do it now. it's just too much.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
Like when you love someone like that, when you love an artist or when it took me so long to listen to Cowboy Carter too, because I'm like, it's such a beautiful, well done body of work that I feel like unless I can give it the absolute time of day that it deserves, I can't listen to it yet. Does anyone else have that experience? I have to give it my utmost attention.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
I have a home library. Library. I have a home library, and in this library is all the books I've collected over the last 15 years. I've kind of got something going here, okay? I just went to the bookstore today, picked up the Iliad, the Odyssey. I picked up Sunrise on the Reaping. Thank you. I picked up, what else? Oh, Circe. I went to the bookstore with one book in mind.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
And so that's how I feel about the Eternal Sunshine movie because I know she put so much effort and direction and references packed into this 26-minute short film that I need to be able to soak in everything and take away my own conclusions. Which, by the way... Not to always bring it back to hosier, but do you fucking mind? Does anyone mind?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
I was returning to Unreal Unearthed because, of course, I was. And holy shit, it came out in 2023. Why does that feel like not long ago? How is that almost a year and a half ago? That's nuts. Anyway, I returned to... Butchered Tongue from Unreal Unearthed, which is, in my opinion, in my opinion, but I also think it's real.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
It's about the loss of the Irish language, the sort of intentional dissolution and colonization and disintegration of the Irish language that was a very direct and intentional thing done by the British Empire. Butchered tongue, I'm going to pull up the lyrics. And again, this is from Unreal Unearthed, which is based on Dante's Inferno. Right? Is it Dante's Inferno? Or Dante's Divine Comedy?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
Well, I know that Inferno is part of the Divine Comedy. It was like Paradiso something and then Inferno. Is Unreal Unearthed based on Dante's Inferno? Yeah, just inferno. Oh, that's right, because it's the nine circles of hell. I knew that. Divine comedy, Dante, books. Oh, that's right. Paradiso, purgatorio, inferno.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
So it's paradise, purgatory, hell, which is T. I feel like purgatory is scarier than hell. Well, hold on. Let's talk about this. Is purgatory... meaning you're stuck between ends, stuck between worlds, is that limbo state scarier than the torture of hell? Like being a lost soul. Let's see what Dante has to say about purgatory. Dante, purgatorio, summary.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
In Dante Alighieri's Purgatorio, Purgatory is a mountain where souls are purified from sin and prepare for heaven, guided by Virgil, and consists of terraces that spiral upwards. The mountain has terraces that spiral upwards, each representing a different level of purification, where souls are cleansed of specific vices and virtues.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
Dante, guided by the Roman poet Virgil, travels up the mountain of purgatory, encountering souls who are undergoing purification and learning about the nature of sin, vice, and virtue. Dante and Virgil meet repentant excommunicate souls, including souls who delayed repentance and souls who died violently.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
The journey through purgatory is a quest for freedom and a preparation for entering paradise, where souls can finally achieve eternal happiness. Okay, T, when I think of purgatory, I think you're trapped there. You are a wandering soul who will not and has not been laid to rest. Purgatory meaning? In the Roman Catholic doctrine, This is what purgatory is.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
A place or state of suffering inhabited by the souls of sinners who are expiating their sins before going to heaven. Oh, so it's an in-between. Oh, like atoning. Expiate?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
Great word. Purgatory is also referred to as mental anguish or suffering. Is purgatory a good or bad thing? Okay, this is from Corpus Christi PHX. the Corpus Christi Catholic Church of Phoenix, Arizona. Purgatory provides us with hope because God, in his justice, does not simply cast us out of his presence for all the messes we've made.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
Rather, in his mercy, he gives us an opportunity to cooperate with the redemptive work of Jesus, and together with him, we can clean up those messes. Why can't you do... Isn't the point of you do that while you're alive... Right? Because if you wanted to convert, you'd do it while you're alive.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
I was like, I'm only getting Circe because I just finished Song of Achilles. I will get to that. I will get to that. Let me get to it. And I was like, I'm on this Madeline Miller kick. I got to go pick up Circe because all the girls are telling me you got to read Circe. It's even more devastating. It's their favorite book of all time. Okay, I believe you.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
What is involved in purification? Purgatory. Purgatory. me googling the purification involves suffering and a sense of fire but the exact nature of this cleansing is not fully defined by the church the pain of purgatory is a pain of love a purifying suffering that atones for sins and re-establishes holiness and justice See, this is where y'all start to lose me.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
Pain is not the way to, I don't, I just like that shit makes my skin crawl. I don't know. I'm not the one. The souls in purgatory are conscious of their personal responsibility for the delay in seeing God. But this is, right, this is the eternal philosophical question.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
If you have never been exposed to God or to Christ or to any organized religion and you die that way, you live and die never knowing who Jesus Christ is, are you damned to hell? And is that your fault? Or is that the missionary's fault? The missionaries never got to you? Then they should be punished. I just have never understood this idea.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
I remember someone saying that to me when I was still going to church of like, yes, they're going to hell, but they have an opportunity to... An opportunity?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
not all-encompassing doctrine that really makes me question, like, how can you dedicate your whole life to something like this when there are such big plot holes? There's plot holes in the religion. This feels so exclusionary in a religion that is, by definition, inclusionary. I will never understand it, and I've tried. I've tried to understand it. Anyway, back to hosiery. to hosier. Okay.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
So I went to my local Barnes and Noble and I went ahead and picked up Circe and then about six other books. Fuck! So what else did I get? I got... I got another, it was like for fans of Song of Achilles. It was another sort of modern retelling of Greek mythology. And I can't remember the name. I wish, it's in my office.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
Butchered tongue. This is about the Irish language, I think. And then we're going to go through genius. As a child, it was the place names. Singing at me is the first thing. How the mouth must be employed in every corner of itself to say, these are three Irish words, a promise softly sung of somewhere else.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
And as a young man, blessed to pass so many road signs and have my foreign ear made fresh again on each unlikely sound, but feel at home hearing a music that few still understand, a butchered tongue still singing here above the ground.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
The ears were chopped from young men if the pitch cap didn't kill them. They're buried without scalp in the shattered bedrock of our home. You may never know your fortune until the distance has been shown between what is lost forever and what can still be... Let me just go and take that from the top.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
You may never know your fortune until the distance has been shown between what is lost forever and what can still be known...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
You may never know your fortune until the distance has been shown between what is lost forever and what can still be known. Like reclaiming the remnants of the Irish language and the Irish heritage and culture that are left. The strongest. I have chills everywhere. So far from home to have a stranger call you darling and have your guarded heart be lifted like a child up by the hand.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
In some town that just means home to them. With no translator left to sound, a butchered tongue still singing here above the ground. Oh my God. I think especially as someone... This is so striking in an infinite way.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
But I think what really connects with me about this song, other than an obvious outpouring of empathy for what the nation of Ireland has experienced and gone through as a collective trauma, what endears me...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
even more to this song in particular, is how much I love language and how much I enjoy studying language and the origins of language and etymology and how language is human history and it's breathing, it has a pulse. This just strikes at the heart of me because there is nothing more devastating than permanently losing a language.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
When you talk about a dead language, when you talk about assimilation that is 100% effective, when you force a culture to assimilate, and they lose the last remaining bits of their culture, it is truly dead forever. And that sends a chill down my spine, that we are able to inflict such horror where we forget
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
Anyway, my dream in 15 years is I have a home library that's full of both the classics. I'll have a classics shelf. I'll have a shelf for like my favorite books and then all the other ones. You know what I mean? And then the beautiful thing about that is I have always wanted my home to be like the hosting home. You know what I mean? I want all my friends to come over and just like...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
That's what strikes me about this song is that's exactly what he's singing about is that small comfort of seeing road signs in original Irish. When you get off the plane at the Dublin airport, it is in English and then it's in Irish. It's beautiful. Those things are more important than ever, especially now. I think that a song like this that honors the history of
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
The current and warns against the future is such a beautifully done, a beautifully arranged and inclusive body of lyrics. It's just, it's ridiculous. He is ridiculous. I will never stop singing his praises. I think he is the most, he, okay, this is how I'm going to liken this next statement, okay? You know how you can have multiple best friends, but they're all your best friend?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
Like you can have two or three best friends and there's not like a ranking system. That's how I feel when I say my favorite artist. My favorite artist has always been Beyonce. Beyonce to me is the greatest living entertainer. She is revolutionary in her existence. Everything about her is just excellence. She is number one. And she always will be, okay? She is just the artist of all artists.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
My other favorite artist is Hosier. And I love them for different reasons. Hosier, to me, is that soul bond of artistry, lyricism, His melodies are crazy. His guitar instincts are crazy.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
And there is something so spiritual about when I listen to a Hosier record, when I go through his lyrics, when I sit with the body of work, even after fucking 10 years, they're celebrating 10 years of self-titled coming out. His first album came out 10 years ago. It's just, I still listen to some of those songs and I hear something new for the first time.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
There are so many layers of artistry that I hope to keep becoming acquainted with. And Unreal Unearthed is still an album that I'm unpacking. A year and a half later, I'm still addicted to it. I keep coming back to it. And that is just the mark of, it's just, it might be just me. It's just me and all the other hosier girls of you don't get him the way I get him.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
I get it and I appreciate it and I see it and I connect with it. And by proxy, it's through that that I feel connected to him. I love him. His brain, who he is, what he stands for, his, I just, I just love him to goddamn death. And I think that this song is, it came on shuffle the other day and I was driving and I started bawling in the car. I was like, there's no, he keeps getting better.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
And it's because it's intentional. Everything he does is intentional. That's why. Yeah. Anyway, sorry, fucking forgive my obligatory hosier glaze session every fucking episode, okay? I have to glaze and then we move on. Okay, I think that'll do it for me this episode, team. I have to go to bed. It's about 11 p.m. I love y'all to goddamn death. There's another something dropping this week.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
My home is your home sort of thing. Whenever I have a friend stay with me, I'm like, that is your wing of the house. You go ahead, just do whatever you need to do to that bathroom. You need a drink, go get you one from the fridge. I hear where all the glasses are. Like, make yourself at home, you know what I mean? The library situation, I see this being a sort of gentleman's lounge vibe.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
Okay, so you guys need to fucking lock in. Something's happening in 48 hours that I need everyone to... I need you to be on hand that back.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
Because Big Brother is watching. I'm Big Brother. I'm Big Sister. I'm Big Mama. Big Mama is watching. So I need y'all to watch my Instagram. Anyway, merch, broski.shop. Go ahead and get you some MoMo's if you need a MoMo. If you need a broski report, go ahead and grab you one of those because they're still up there. Okay, you need some slippers, they're still up there.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
You need some stickers for your laptop, I've got those too. And I'll see you guys next week, okay? Keep your eyes and ears peeled. Goodbye.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
Wooden walls, wooden bookshelves, deep mahogany, leather covered chair, big desk, those brass banker's lamps, lots of natural sunlight, nice like mahogany or not mahogany, maroon rug and curtains. Like I want it to feel luxury, like old British smokers club, not smokers, like, you know, like a gentleman's smoke room. art on the walls. Like, that's my vibe. And right now, I'm kind of working.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
I've got my little, you know, I got my little shelf from Facebook marketplace, and I've hung up my stuff on the walls, whatever. But it's not there. This room over here, this house, I'm renting this house. Love it. Okay, I'm very comfortable here. But at the same time... it's not exactly where I want it to be.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
And so that is my dream in the next 15 years is that I have established that room that is the perfect creative space to just go in there and do whatever I need to do. And it can be messy. In fact, the messier, the better. Because when you go in to someone's study and it's perfectly clean, hey, you're not studying in here, man.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
I don't believe you for a fucking second that you're cooking something up in here. It needs to be disheveled and like stacks of books and this, that, and the other and like dead plants. But then this one's alive because it's just like I want there to be life in that room. And I'll get there eventually. I just hung a bunch of fake plants in mine because I kill anything.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
But I've got a brown thumb, okay? I got a brown thumb and it's not from wiping bad, okay? My brown thumb is because I kill plants by accident. Anyway, that's my dream, okay? So I'm working on it. I went to the bookstore today. There's also this other cool, I've talked about it before, I think it's this other used bookstore near my house, like Secondhand Books, and it's massive.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
And I go in there when I'm looking for older stuff. Like I picked up the Iliad at that store, but they didn't have Circe because it's weird. They'll have like, you know, They had the new Suzanne Collins, the Hunger Games one, and then they had – they always have Sarah J. Moss and shit like that. But it's weird. Like, it's hit or miss when it comes to modern books. Anyway. Song of Achilles.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
Okay, y'all. Song of Achilles. Here's my book review. Okay, let me give an overview for the girls that don't read, can't read, don't plan on learning to read. Totally fine. Okay, that's what an audio format is for. Okay, so I'm here to sort of help you with that. Song of Achilles is, like I said, a modern retelling of classic Greek mythology with a little twist. Okay.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
This is a romance book, but it's also fucking devastating. And I'm going to try to talk about it without revealing the end. I feel like everyone knows Achilles dies, right? That's kind of like his thing. He dies. Every story, okay, bro's going to die. Bro died. That's sort of his legacy. but he was a hero. He was supposed to be this never-before-seen, you know, Hercules-level hero.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
I'm off the Paul Meskel water cup today. I'm off the P-P-P-P-Paul Meskel pack. I love Pop Mascot. Guys, the energy of today is feeling a bit like Mad Scientist. I'm feeling a bit like, ah, yes, welcome to my show. Who are you, boy? Ah, yes, welcome. That's how I'm feeling, okay? Because let me sort of give you an update on what's... Let me give it to you. Why does that come out sometimes?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
And someone commented some bullshit under this TikTok I posted of me crying about it, where they said, oh my god, I'm gonna freak out. They said, in another life, it was love, not rage, that killed Achilles or something like that. No, they said, in another lifetime, it was love, not rage, that motivated Achilles or something like that.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
Sorry. Anyway. I'm really not, you know, I've never been a Greek mythology girl. I've never been like, oh, yes, Helios, the brother of, I don't give a fuck. I've never, it's been too much. Anytime I sit down to watch one of those four-hour YouTube videos where I'm like, time to lock in, time to learn. They're like, and then Athena is the sister of. I fall asleep.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
Because it's always those, like, the cadence of those videos is... And then in the 100th century BC, Athena. It's just like I'm... They don't even try to make it interesting. It's almost like a spitting off, spewing off facts about it. Tell it to me like a story so I know these gods and goddesses and these nymphs and the story. Like, I want to be involved.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
Song of Achilles is the first ever retelling of a story that's made me have a personal stake in these characters. You know what I mean? And of course, because it's a modern thing. Anyway, Song of Achilles. is about the companionship, and by that I mean homoerotic gayness shared between Achilles and his companion Patroclus, okay?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
It is told from Patroclus' perspective of how he comes to meet Achilles. They were boys together, and he loved him through his whole life till the very fucking end. And it is a beautiful, beautiful story. And it's devastating. And I really like Madeline Miller's writing. I think it's very straightforward. It's very to the point. And it's very... packed with emotion.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
I found myself wanting to get through the story really quickly, not because, you know, I was bored or I wanted to finish, but because I was excited, like I needed to know what happened next. And in doing that, I found myself missing some of these really impactful, beautifully worded, straight to the point sentences.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
She would end a paragraph with just something that was so profound, and you miss it if you're just like, okay, I'm going to get on to the next fucking, okay, the Trojan War, when does the Trojan War start? Like, zoom out, or actually zoom in. Take a second to sit with some of the prose that she's created, and it...
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
it made it even more enjoyable and even more heart-wrenching towards the end where these small little statements like, I would know the sound of his feet pounding the pavement with my eyes closed. Like, I would know it's him. I would know him in any lifetime. It's just, it's devastating, like, the attention to detail because you know if you've ever been
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
in love with someone, infatuated with someone, obsessed, addicted to someone. It is the little things like that that you revel in. You know what I mean? Maybe this is just me talking about from a lover girl's perspective. Keep that in mind. I'm a lover girl to my core.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
It's the small things like that of the shape of their eyelashes and how the eyelashes rest against their cheeks, you know, the curl of their hair, the smell of them in the morning, things like this that are so intimate and so mundane. And
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
therein lies the precious beauty of it is that is something that is adding to this heaping treasure of little things that endear you to this person more when you're really, you know, in the thick of it. It's those things that make up the larger sentiment of love, you know, or of infatuation or of care.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
When you care for someone, it's because you pay attention to those little things, you know, little mannerisms, whatever. I think Song of Achilles perfectly encapsulates it. It is that to a T of when you love someone with all of your being, Those little things are everything. And he just, Patroclus loves with everything he is. And he is, dare I say, the better part of Achilles.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
Let me go down there and give you. This is a constant exercise in what I like to call the be normal experiment where case after case, day after day, episode after episode, I fail. And it's a beautiful study on the human, the human brain. Guys, what the fuck was I about to say? Oh yeah, I'm feeling, here's what's going on in my body right now.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
Okay, because Achilles, you can be this hero, this famous, you know, son of a goddess and whatever, but like Patroclus is the best part of you. And you realize it too late. And, oh God, it's just, it's hauntingly beautiful. I am going to think about it for a long time. I'm very glad, though, that I have a book to jump back into to quell the book hangover, so to speak.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
Circe, so far, is, I'm like 20 pages in, sad. And there's a lot of... This one feels like there's a bit more world building in terms of like I'm having to Google more. You know, who is Helios and who was he the son of? And, you know, the Titans. Like I'm very loosely familiar with all these things because I studied it on what's that fucking app called? Nibble. Y'all know about Nibble?
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
I had this phase where I was like, I'm going to be an academic. Paid for this fucking app for a year. It was like a hundred something dollars for the year. And I was like, I scroll too much. I doom scroll. I'm going to feed my brain. I fell for one of those traps. I used this app maybe four times. Never used it again. And good thing I still pay for it. That's awesome.
The Broski Report with Brittany Broski
89: Stuck In Purgatory
Because it's just like, you know, in my, when I'm feeling brain dead, the last thing I want to do is go learn something. I want to scroll and I want tea. You know what I mean?