Brook Fisk

I found pills in my tea and they're in a baggie in my purse.

Not long after that, my water broke.

And Kai was born.

He was not alive.

Part of me still hoped he would cry when he was born, but he didn't.

But they wrapped him up in a blanket and

put a little tiny hat on him and brought him to me.

They let me hold Kai for a couple of hours.

When I was holding Kai, I wasn't thinking at all about what Sig had done.

It was more thinking about the loss.

Even though Kai wasn't alive, still looking at him, there was sort of this amazement about who he was as a person, which is odd to say about somebody who wasn't alive, to recognize who they are as a person.

But he was, he was a little person with little long fingers and long toes.

And that's what I was thinking about when I was looking at him.

That he probably would have played basketball and he would have been tall.

And maybe he would have played piano because he would have had long piano playing fingers.

Probably sounds strange to somebody who hasn't lost a baby.

But that's what I was thinking about in that moment.

I almost think that that is the first time Sick realized that it was a whole human.

I think that was really the first time that it was real in his mind that that was his son.

rolls around and the day shift nurse comes in.