Brynne
👤 PersonPodcast Appearances
You have shit your pants. Twice. Twice in the past week.
You have shit your pants. Twice. Twice in the past week.
And I spend thousands of dollars.
And I spend thousands of dollars.
There has been points in my life where I've gone four plus years without getting my hair done. So...
There has been points in my life where I've gone four plus years without getting my hair done. So...
When I was in eighth grade, I cut all my hair off. As you know, Emma, I will send you a picture. You can put it up here if you would like.
When I was in eighth grade, I cut all my hair off. As you know, Emma, I will send you a picture. You can put it up here if you would like.
After I chopped my hair off, I did not touch my hair until my senior year of high school. Eighth grade to senior year of high school.
After I chopped my hair off, I did not touch my hair until my senior year of high school. Eighth grade to senior year of high school.
Yeah, but I had Tressa Mae hairspray and maybe a detangler or something.
Yeah, but I had Tressa Mae hairspray and maybe a detangler or something.
But also not all men go to sports clubs.
But also not all men go to sports clubs.
Do, wop, she do. Everybody, everybody, yeah. Do, wop, she do. Yeah, clap, everybody.
Do, wop, she do. Everybody, everybody, yeah. Do, wop, she do. Yeah, clap, everybody.
But you honestly, you do a good job at taking care of yourself.
But you honestly, you do a good job at taking care of yourself.
I make it look nice. Your mustache you trim.
I make it look nice. Your mustache you trim.
and then now i'm doing the you you take care of your extra eyebrow hairs going on yeah yeah you shave like you're well i help you shave your neck yeah yeah and i got the people think i wear the hat because i got a receding hairline take it off strip i don't know i might have had hair but i have helmet hair okay wow hair reveal look at that hairline but i've had hair gorgeous but i've had hair where do i look
and then now i'm doing the you you take care of your extra eyebrow hairs going on yeah yeah you shave like you're well i help you shave your neck yeah yeah and i got the people think i wear the hat because i got a receding hairline take it off strip i don't know i might have had hair but i have helmet hair okay wow hair reveal look at that hairline but i've had hair gorgeous but i've had hair where do i look
Yeah. I think so. Is that why I also have a good hairline?
Yeah. I think so. Is that why I also have a good hairline?
It's okay. It's okay. You know what's crazy? We're talking about like your hygiene and your hair specifically. Yeah. I would not know. Hold on. I would not know if you have back hair.
It's okay. It's okay. You know what's crazy? We're talking about like your hygiene and your hair specifically. Yeah. I would not know. Hold on. I would not know if you have back hair.
Okay, all right. So you shit your pants. This man literally looks at me and he goes, Brynn, Brynn, I just shit my pants. So we pull off to find an In-N-Out. We were trying to find a gas station.
Okay, all right. So you shit your pants. This man literally looks at me and he goes, Brynn, Brynn, I just shit my pants. So we pull off to find an In-N-Out. We were trying to find a gas station.
We were literally driving for like 10 minutes with you just sitting with poop in your pants. It wasn't that bad. It was like 10 minutes of us trying to find a bathroom for you. And then you go into an In-N-Out.
We were literally driving for like 10 minutes with you just sitting with poop in your pants. It wasn't that bad. It was like 10 minutes of us trying to find a bathroom for you. And then you go into an In-N-Out.
I had never made it to six months before.
I had never made it to six months before.
Two inches wide, four inches long on his green sweatshorts.
Two inches wide, four inches long on his green sweatshorts.
He had to throw away one of my favorite pair of shorts because I shit my pants on them and they were white. And that was like a year and a half ago.
He had to throw away one of my favorite pair of shorts because I shit my pants on them and they were white. And that was like a year and a half ago.
I think it was while we were initially talking. Like, before we started dating.
I think it was while we were initially talking. Like, before we started dating.
Ew. I had to leave really early in the morning to come here to see you because we had something to do at 9 a.m. So I had to leave at like 4 a.m. I was driving. I was doing great. I had probably an hour and a half left. I had drank a lot of energy drinks, which often makes me have to poop. I was on like a stretch of land. There's no bathrooms. There's no bathrooms.
Ew. I had to leave really early in the morning to come here to see you because we had something to do at 9 a.m. So I had to leave at like 4 a.m. I was driving. I was doing great. I had probably an hour and a half left. I had drank a lot of energy drinks, which often makes me have to poop. I was on like a stretch of land. There's no bathrooms. There's no bathrooms.
Sorry I'm not divorced. Hey! Hey, what are we doing?
Sorry I'm not divorced. Hey! Hey, what are we doing?
And I get that burn, like that burning, burning, burn, burn, burn in my stomach where I was like, I have to poop now. Like now, now, now, now, now. And you look at the Apple Maps app. on my little Apple CarPlay. It's just straight. There's nothing around it.
And I get that burn, like that burning, burning, burn, burn, burn in my stomach where I was like, I have to poop now. Like now, now, now, now, now. And you look at the Apple Maps app. on my little Apple CarPlay. It's just straight. There's nothing around it.
And it got to a point where I was like, this has to happen now. I was like jumping up and down in the driver's seat. I had to wait to round a corner so I wasn't going to get hit by a semi. And then I pull over. I jump out of the car and like run down into a ditch and just diarrhea. All over a bush. And I had paper towels in my car, thank God.
And it got to a point where I was like, this has to happen now. I was like jumping up and down in the driver's seat. I had to wait to round a corner so I wasn't going to get hit by a semi. And then I pull over. I jump out of the car and like run down into a ditch and just diarrhea. All over a bush. And I had paper towels in my car, thank God.
And then when I got to your apartment, I went and cleaned myself up in the bathroom. You knew about it. You were at work and I called you and I literally said I just pooped on the side of the road. And now anytime we drive between California and Vegas.
And then when I got to your apartment, I went and cleaned myself up in the bathroom. You knew about it. You were at work and I called you and I literally said I just pooped on the side of the road. And now anytime we drive between California and Vegas.
That's my poop spot. Yeah. Because it's right around. There's a certain bend. We do long distance. It's kind of my Zizzix road. We did long distance.
That's my poop spot. Yeah. Because it's right around. There's a certain bend. We do long distance. It's kind of my Zizzix road. We did long distance.
Because I know where my poop spot is.
Because I know where my poop spot is.
From February until July. So February, March, April, May, June, July. Five months.
From February until July. So February, March, April, May, June, July. Five months.
Six of the happiest months of my entire life.
Six of the happiest months of my entire life.
It's going to take me a minute to scroll through all of this.
It's going to take me a minute to scroll through all of this.
Yeah, but I think we kind of let that ship sail when we announced that we were dating three days into our relationship.
Yeah, but I think we kind of let that ship sail when we announced that we were dating three days into our relationship.
We started dating on the 10th or technically 11th.
We started dating on the 10th or technically 11th.
And then we announced that we were dating Valentine's Day last year. So four days after we made it official.
And then we announced that we were dating Valentine's Day last year. So four days after we made it official.
damn okay yeah damn okay i know okay you do you do i know every time no you know what's crazy is i know what date we stopped talking january 21st and we started talking again february 1st we could just move right by that i know we can just fly right through that we'll save that for another episode we'll save that for another oh my god have you read through our initial dms back and forth to each other we should do an episode where we just
damn okay yeah damn okay i know okay you do you do i know every time no you know what's crazy is i know what date we stopped talking january 21st and we started talking again february 1st we could just move right by that i know we can just fly right through that we'll save that for another episode we'll save that for another oh my god have you read through our initial dms back and forth to each other we should do an episode where we just
I'm almost there. I'm almost there. Hold on. Hold on.
I'm almost there. I'm almost there. Hold on. Hold on.
It's bad. Yeah, we don't have to do that right now. No, it's bad. I don't want to do this right now. I DM'd you first. January 2nd. You replied January 4th. I was correct.
It's bad. Yeah, we don't have to do that right now. No, it's bad. I don't want to do this right now. I DM'd you first. January 2nd. You replied January 4th. I was correct.
You always say that. And you're like, oh, like you should look at me without girlfriend goggles and dah, dah, dah. And I'm like, I did.
You always say that. And you're like, oh, like you should look at me without girlfriend goggles and dah, dah, dah. And I'm like, I did.
Mario, I have seen you while I wasn't your girlfriend. That's why I started talking to you.
Mario, I have seen you while I wasn't your girlfriend. That's why I started talking to you.
But hold on. Do you not have boyfriend goggles towards me? You were watching me. We, first of all, just talked about me pooping on the side of the road. Second of all, disgusting. Second of all, you watched me sit on the counter and pick a booger with a Q-tip out of my nose this morning.
But hold on. Do you not have boyfriend goggles towards me? You were watching me. We, first of all, just talked about me pooping on the side of the road. Second of all, disgusting. Second of all, you watched me sit on the counter and pick a booger with a Q-tip out of my nose this morning.
Like you would leave me over that? No. Is that what a red flag is? A red flag is like something that makes you want to leave a person. Yeah. Like it's like an ick. Not even an ick. It's a red flag. Like it's a warning sign.
Like you would leave me over that? No. Is that what a red flag is? A red flag is like something that makes you want to leave a person. Yeah. Like it's like an ick. Not even an ick. It's a red flag. Like it's a warning sign.
What are the leafy greens that you really like sauteing?
What are the leafy greens that you really like sauteing?
I know. We're not trying to be a Tupperware Tupperware. We're not trying to just recreate that.
I know. We're not trying to be a Tupperware Tupperware. We're not trying to just recreate that.
When you check out with your groceries, they ask you if you would like a beg.
When you check out with your groceries, they ask you if you would like a beg.
I said, I believe. I understand why people are attracted to him. I get that he is generally accepted as attractive. I get that. I can appreciate that. Mm-hmm. But, like, he's not for me.
I said, I believe. I understand why people are attracted to him. I get that he is generally accepted as attractive. I get that. I can appreciate that. Mm-hmm. But, like, he's not for me.
I was really excited for six months, though. I'm sorry.
I was really excited for six months, though. I'm sorry.
They have one of the largest pouches of bird in the world. What is the largest pouch?
They have one of the largest pouches of bird in the world. What is the largest pouch?
Wait, if you had to guess, don't look, don't look. If you had to guess, how many gallons of water and fish can the pouch hold?
Wait, if you had to guess, don't look, don't look. If you had to guess, how many gallons of water and fish can the pouch hold?
No, tell me how many gallons of water and fish you think the pouch can hold.
No, tell me how many gallons of water and fish you think the pouch can hold.
I was sitting on you on the couch, and I remember being like, is there a six-month anniversary? And you were like, yeah. And then it was like an hour later, and you were like, is six months like, does that mean something to you?
I was sitting on you on the couch, and I remember being like, is there a six-month anniversary? And you were like, yeah. And then it was like an hour later, and you were like, is six months like, does that mean something to you?
I have told you plenty of times, I know you're on your fitness journey right now and I love that for you, I'm so excited for you to get in shape. I know you're really excited also.
I have told you plenty of times, I know you're on your fitness journey right now and I love that for you, I'm so excited for you to get in shape. I know you're really excited also.
Yeah, you can tell just by looking at him.
Yeah, you can tell just by looking at him.
Hold on. Hold on, hold on, hold on.
Hold on. Hold on, hold on, hold on.
I'm very excited for you to be on your fitness journey. I think that it's great to be healthy and to look out for yourself. I want to spend a long, healthy life with you.
I'm very excited for you to be on your fitness journey. I think that it's great to be healthy and to look out for yourself. I want to spend a long, healthy life with you.
Because, like, okay, first of all, at my current weight, this is my own insecurities. We touched on them earlier. I feel like I would smush you. I feel like I would get on top, and you would just flatten. It would be like a Wile E. Coyote cartoon when he, like, runs into a wall, and he just goes... That would be you.
Because, like, okay, first of all, at my current weight, this is my own insecurities. We touched on them earlier. I feel like I would smush you. I feel like I would get on top, and you would just flatten. It would be like a Wile E. Coyote cartoon when he, like, runs into a wall, and he just goes... That would be you.
Okay. Asphyxiating me. Says every man ever.
Okay. Asphyxiating me. Says every man ever.
How would you feel if I got super buff?
How would you feel if I got super buff?
But with you at your current physique.
But with you at your current physique.
Yeah. If I was like super in shape and you weren't.
Yeah. If I was like super in shape and you weren't.
No, hold on, because we're going to wrap this up soon. But while you're talking about the changes I go through in my life, can we talk about you accidentally seeing me taking out a tampon at your sister's house?
No, hold on, because we're going to wrap this up soon. But while you're talking about the changes I go through in my life, can we talk about you accidentally seeing me taking out a tampon at your sister's house?
But I was peeing and then I was like, oh, I need to change my tampon. And then I told him to look away and he thought that he looked away for long enough and he didn't. And I took it out and he looked down at just the right time, just the perfect time to see everything. And then you said, I love you. You said it in such a panic, too.
But I was peeing and then I was like, oh, I need to change my tampon. And then I told him to look away and he thought that he looked away for long enough and he didn't. And I took it out and he looked down at just the right time, just the perfect time to see everything. And then you said, I love you. You said it in such a panic, too.
You were just like, I love you and I appreciate everything you go through.
You were just like, I love you and I appreciate everything you go through.
No, I mean, like there's the argument that we know we haven't had an argument. We've had a conversation about it. But like we both agree that we would like to be healthy so that we can live long, happy lives together.
No, I mean, like there's the argument that we know we haven't had an argument. We've had a conversation about it. But like we both agree that we would like to be healthy so that we can live long, happy lives together.
You also never experienced me when I was super skinny.
You also never experienced me when I was super skinny.
We've been a little unhealthy in the past year. Just door dashing and watching movies and sitting on the couch.
We've been a little unhealthy in the past year. Just door dashing and watching movies and sitting on the couch.
Yeah, it wasn't as big of a deal to you as it was to me.
Yeah, it wasn't as big of a deal to you as it was to me.
We're getting our lives together. Yeah. It's good.
We're getting our lives together. Yeah. It's good.
And now we have the podcast. Yes. Which we should probably wrap up.
And now we have the podcast. Yes. Which we should probably wrap up.
We're excited to have a lot more conversations and conversations. introduce a lot more segments and have things like a little more well-rounded. But for now, I feel good.
We're excited to have a lot more conversations and conversations. introduce a lot more segments and have things like a little more well-rounded. But for now, I feel good.
You know what I mean? And I didn't make it more clear that it was a big deal to me.
You know what I mean? And I didn't make it more clear that it was a big deal to me.
Do you want me to talk about it? No, I got it. We the people, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, ensure domestic tranquility. Provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty, do ourselves in our posterity, to ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.
Do you want me to talk about it? No, I got it. We the people, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, ensure domestic tranquility. Provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty, do ourselves in our posterity, to ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.
All right. We're wrapping this up.
All right. We're wrapping this up.
Honestly, fights where we're like genuinely both upset with each other.
Honestly, fights where we're like genuinely both upset with each other.
See, thankfully my parents got divorced early, so I didn't have to see that through my older life.
See, thankfully my parents got divorced early, so I didn't have to see that through my older life.
Well, but yeah, we're relating it to our relationship, which I think in a way is what this podcast is about. Yeah. Or like it's going to be a big forefront thing.
Well, but yeah, we're relating it to our relationship, which I think in a way is what this podcast is about. Yeah. Or like it's going to be a big forefront thing.
Well, yeah. And like, if you honestly, if you, if you break down also like the fights that we've had, they're not over anything big. And they're resolved.
Well, yeah. And like, if you honestly, if you, if you break down also like the fights that we've had, they're not over anything big. And they're resolved.
It's miscommunications between the two of us over a small thing. And then it's us kind of being frustrated with each other and then taking a little bit of time to figure out how to properly talk about it. And then we talk about it. And then we talk about it a lot more. And then we talk about it a little bit more. And then we're done.
It's miscommunications between the two of us over a small thing. And then it's us kind of being frustrated with each other and then taking a little bit of time to figure out how to properly talk about it. And then we talk about it. And then we talk about it a lot more. And then we talk about it a little bit more. And then we're done.
One, two, three, four. It doesn't show on this. It shows on that. And then we transfer to this.
One, two, three, four. It doesn't show on this. It shows on that. And then we transfer to this.
We could be in a little bi relationship. Oh, my God. Wait, okay.
We could be in a little bi relationship. Oh, my God. Wait, okay.
No, because I was thinking about this when I was blow drying my hair today. In my adult.
No, because I was thinking about this when I was blow drying my hair today. In my adult.
Yeah, we need to set the bar for how this podcast is going to go.
Yeah, we need to set the bar for how this podcast is going to go.
Michael, am I gay? Do you want to test out a guy?
Michael, am I gay? Do you want to test out a guy?
I've used them before. Okay, so when I was blow-drying my hair today, the lotion that I put on my money.
I've used them before. Okay, so when I was blow-drying my hair today, the lotion that I put on my money.
I didn't know what that button was. So my favorite lotion to use when I have a special event is the Fenty. Fenty. That smells like the Fenty perfume. Anyway, I was obsessed with that perfume when I was dating my ex-girlfriend. Okay. I stopped.
I didn't know what that button was. So my favorite lotion to use when I have a special event is the Fenty. Fenty. That smells like the Fenty perfume. Anyway, I was obsessed with that perfume when I was dating my ex-girlfriend. Okay. I stopped.
Yes. Okay. Because I could smell it as I was blow drying my hair.
Yes. Okay. Because I could smell it as I was blow drying my hair.
Pause. Okay. That I wore while I was dating her.
Pause. Okay. That I wore while I was dating her.
But I gave the perfume to my roommate because I didn't want to smell like it anymore. Anyway, I was thinking about the perfume. And then I was like, oh, yeah, my last relationship was with a girl. And then I was like, oh, so out of all my relationships that I've had in my adult life, like since I've graduated high school, I thought back on them and they have gone girl, boy, girl, boy, girl, boy.
But I gave the perfume to my roommate because I didn't want to smell like it anymore. Anyway, I was thinking about the perfume. And then I was like, oh, yeah, my last relationship was with a girl. And then I was like, oh, so out of all my relationships that I've had in my adult life, like since I've graduated high school, I thought back on them and they have gone girl, boy, girl, boy, girl, boy.
Anyone who says that they're bisexual, that's automatic validation. Correct. Correct.
Anyone who says that they're bisexual, that's automatic validation. Correct. Correct.
If I say that I'm bisexual, even though I've never been with a woman, I'm still valid in saying that I'm a bisexual and identifying as a bisexual. Oh, yeah, of course. Why didn't you say that the first time? You can know that without being with the same gender.
If I say that I'm bisexual, even though I've never been with a woman, I'm still valid in saying that I'm a bisexual and identifying as a bisexual. Oh, yeah, of course. Why didn't you say that the first time? You can know that without being with the same gender.
And I'm not saying that I need to validate myself, but I'm just saying that's kind of like the most bisexual you can get is alternating gender relationships.
And I'm not saying that I need to validate myself, but I'm just saying that's kind of like the most bisexual you can get is alternating gender relationships.
And all of a sudden, it's the shudderiest breath you've ever taken in your entire life.
And all of a sudden, it's the shudderiest breath you've ever taken in your entire life.
I feel like I've said this many times, that bisexuality is the sexuality that makes the most sense to me. Obviously, I am bisexual, so I'm fucking biased, but duh.
I feel like I've said this many times, that bisexuality is the sexuality that makes the most sense to me. Obviously, I am bisexual, so I'm fucking biased, but duh.
You're looking me in the eyes, and you're telling me you would give me up for a man? No. Yeah, that's what I thought.
You're looking me in the eyes, and you're telling me you would give me up for a man? No. Yeah, that's what I thought.
All right, talk yourself out of it.
All right, talk yourself out of it.
I have helped, weirdly, a lot of people come out. But the question I always ask, because it's always girls, and they're always like, hey, I did some stuff with my friend and I really liked it. Like, am I bisexual? And I always tell them, like, my one question to know if they are bi or not is, like, do you want to do things to them? Do you want to...
I have helped, weirdly, a lot of people come out. But the question I always ask, because it's always girls, and they're always like, hey, I did some stuff with my friend and I really liked it. Like, am I bisexual? And I always tell them, like, my one question to know if they are bi or not is, like, do you want to do things to them? Do you want to...
be the oh yeah yeah see i'm not bisexual see and i think that's a good question that's a good question well because obviously like especially for girls like beauty is very easy to appreciate amongst women maybe i just really appreciate feeling loved and getting that kind of attention like body attention like that can feel good coming from
be the oh yeah yeah see i'm not bisexual see and i think that's a good question that's a good question well because obviously like especially for girls like beauty is very easy to appreciate amongst women maybe i just really appreciate feeling loved and getting that kind of attention like body attention like that can feel good coming from
anyone yeah yeah but like do you want to do that to the same gender uh and then there's your answer i'm tracking it looks so good thank you i i did my makeup okay that's enough you look real good i'm sorry you look good thank you i did my makeup and i felt really good about it and then the second we like actually started to film i was like is this too much
anyone yeah yeah but like do you want to do that to the same gender uh and then there's your answer i'm tracking it looks so good thank you i i did my makeup okay that's enough you look real good i'm sorry you look good thank you i did my makeup and i felt really good about it and then the second we like actually started to film i was like is this too much
I think it's human to be a little insecure. And honestly.
I think it's human to be a little insecure. And honestly.
Fuck me if I were like an overconfident cocky.
Fuck me if I were like an overconfident cocky.
I don't want to be like overly confident bitch. I know there's a way to be a good person and be confident. And I feel like sometimes I exude that. But like I feel like honestly with my personality, if I was super confident with myself, I would be a bitch. Be a nightmare.
I don't want to be like overly confident bitch. I know there's a way to be a good person and be confident. And I feel like sometimes I exude that. But like I feel like honestly with my personality, if I was super confident with myself, I would be a bitch. Be a nightmare.
Really excited. I know we're both really excited. This has been a long time coming.
Really excited. I know we're both really excited. This has been a long time coming.
You only got out to fill the truck up with gas. You didn't go in. I went in. I was the man. I wore the pants. I went and got you an energy drink.
You only got out to fill the truck up with gas. You didn't go in. I went in. I was the man. I wore the pants. I went and got you an energy drink.
You came out of the closet and then just immediately got canceled. That's going to be the headline. It's going to be. Mario comes out of the closet and gets canceled.
You came out of the closet and then just immediately got canceled. That's going to be the headline. It's going to be. Mario comes out of the closet and gets canceled.
Mario, stop talking. Actually stop talking.
Mario, stop talking. Actually stop talking.
And my throats are super itchy because of my allergies.
And my throats are super itchy because of my allergies.
All right, we're back. We took a little water break.
All right, we're back. We took a little water break.
Because you're really hard on yourself, but you did not bomb.
Because you're really hard on yourself, but you did not bomb.
I will say the funniest part was when I spoke.
I will say the funniest part was when I spoke.
a month two months a month on monday oh 13 months on monday 13 months we passed our one year mark so we don't have to celebrate the monthly things anymore because that's stupid well the 13 month is mario day i know but when we started dating and you're like mario it's our two months okay two months no the one what does that even i will say i honestly was a little bummed on our six month anniversary
a month two months a month on monday oh 13 months on monday 13 months we passed our one year mark so we don't have to celebrate the monthly things anymore because that's stupid well the 13 month is mario day i know but when we started dating and you're like mario it's our two months okay two months no the one what does that even i will say i honestly was a little bummed on our six month anniversary
And then she yelled out. And I go, you shit yourself today.
And then she yelled out. And I go, you shit yourself today.
Ladies and gentlemen. Oh, you have to do the intro.
Ladies and gentlemen. Oh, you have to do the intro.
Welcome to the very first episode of the Pretty Funny Podcast. I'm pretty. And I'm funny. Thanks for having us. Oh, sorry. I cut you off already. Jesus Christ. I'm so scared. Welcome to the very first. Marius.
Welcome to the very first episode of the Pretty Funny Podcast. I'm pretty. And I'm funny. Thanks for having us. Oh, sorry. I cut you off already. Jesus Christ. I'm so scared. Welcome to the very first. Marius.
Do it. Welcome to the very first episode of the Pretty Funny Podcast. I'm pretty.
Do it. Welcome to the very first episode of the Pretty Funny Podcast. I'm pretty.
You have shit your pants. Twice. Twice in the past week.
And I spend thousands of dollars.
There has been points in my life where I've gone four plus years without getting my hair done. So...
When I was in eighth grade, I cut all my hair off. As you know, Emma, I will send you a picture. You can put it up here if you would like.
After I chopped my hair off, I did not touch my hair until my senior year of high school. Eighth grade to senior year of high school.
Yeah, but I had Tressa Mae hairspray and maybe a detangler or something.
But also not all men go to sports clubs.
Do, wop, she do. Everybody, everybody, yeah. Do, wop, she do. Yeah, clap, everybody.
But you honestly, you do a good job at taking care of yourself.
I make it look nice. Your mustache you trim.
and then now i'm doing the you you take care of your extra eyebrow hairs going on yeah yeah you shave like you're well i help you shave your neck yeah yeah and i got the people think i wear the hat because i got a receding hairline take it off strip i don't know i might have had hair but i have helmet hair okay wow hair reveal look at that hairline but i've had hair gorgeous but i've had hair where do i look
Yeah. I think so. Is that why I also have a good hairline?
It's okay. It's okay. You know what's crazy? We're talking about like your hygiene and your hair specifically. Yeah. I would not know. Hold on. I would not know if you have back hair.
Okay, all right. So you shit your pants. This man literally looks at me and he goes, Brynn, Brynn, I just shit my pants. So we pull off to find an In-N-Out. We were trying to find a gas station.
We were literally driving for like 10 minutes with you just sitting with poop in your pants. It wasn't that bad. It was like 10 minutes of us trying to find a bathroom for you. And then you go into an In-N-Out.
I had never made it to six months before.
Two inches wide, four inches long on his green sweatshorts.
He had to throw away one of my favorite pair of shorts because I shit my pants on them and they were white. And that was like a year and a half ago.
I think it was while we were initially talking. Like, before we started dating.
Ew. I had to leave really early in the morning to come here to see you because we had something to do at 9 a.m. So I had to leave at like 4 a.m. I was driving. I was doing great. I had probably an hour and a half left. I had drank a lot of energy drinks, which often makes me have to poop. I was on like a stretch of land. There's no bathrooms. There's no bathrooms.
Sorry I'm not divorced. Hey! Hey, what are we doing?
And I get that burn, like that burning, burning, burn, burn, burn in my stomach where I was like, I have to poop now. Like now, now, now, now, now. And you look at the Apple Maps app. on my little Apple CarPlay. It's just straight. There's nothing around it.
And it got to a point where I was like, this has to happen now. I was like jumping up and down in the driver's seat. I had to wait to round a corner so I wasn't going to get hit by a semi. And then I pull over. I jump out of the car and like run down into a ditch and just diarrhea. All over a bush. And I had paper towels in my car, thank God.
And then when I got to your apartment, I went and cleaned myself up in the bathroom. You knew about it. You were at work and I called you and I literally said I just pooped on the side of the road. And now anytime we drive between California and Vegas.
That's my poop spot. Yeah. Because it's right around. There's a certain bend. We do long distance. It's kind of my Zizzix road. We did long distance.
Because I know where my poop spot is.
From February until July. So February, March, April, May, June, July. Five months.
Six of the happiest months of my entire life.
It's going to take me a minute to scroll through all of this.
Yeah, but I think we kind of let that ship sail when we announced that we were dating three days into our relationship.
We started dating on the 10th or technically 11th.
And then we announced that we were dating Valentine's Day last year. So four days after we made it official.
damn okay yeah damn okay i know okay you do you do i know every time no you know what's crazy is i know what date we stopped talking january 21st and we started talking again february 1st we could just move right by that i know we can just fly right through that we'll save that for another episode we'll save that for another oh my god have you read through our initial dms back and forth to each other we should do an episode where we just
I'm almost there. I'm almost there. Hold on. Hold on.
It's bad. Yeah, we don't have to do that right now. No, it's bad. I don't want to do this right now. I DM'd you first. January 2nd. You replied January 4th. I was correct.
You always say that. And you're like, oh, like you should look at me without girlfriend goggles and dah, dah, dah. And I'm like, I did.
Mario, I have seen you while I wasn't your girlfriend. That's why I started talking to you.
But hold on. Do you not have boyfriend goggles towards me? You were watching me. We, first of all, just talked about me pooping on the side of the road. Second of all, disgusting. Second of all, you watched me sit on the counter and pick a booger with a Q-tip out of my nose this morning.
Like you would leave me over that? No. Is that what a red flag is? A red flag is like something that makes you want to leave a person. Yeah. Like it's like an ick. Not even an ick. It's a red flag. Like it's a warning sign.
What are the leafy greens that you really like sauteing?
I know. We're not trying to be a Tupperware Tupperware. We're not trying to just recreate that.
When you check out with your groceries, they ask you if you would like a beg.
I said, I believe. I understand why people are attracted to him. I get that he is generally accepted as attractive. I get that. I can appreciate that. Mm-hmm. But, like, he's not for me.
I was really excited for six months, though. I'm sorry.
They have one of the largest pouches of bird in the world. What is the largest pouch?
Wait, if you had to guess, don't look, don't look. If you had to guess, how many gallons of water and fish can the pouch hold?
No, tell me how many gallons of water and fish you think the pouch can hold.
I was sitting on you on the couch, and I remember being like, is there a six-month anniversary? And you were like, yeah. And then it was like an hour later, and you were like, is six months like, does that mean something to you?
I have told you plenty of times, I know you're on your fitness journey right now and I love that for you, I'm so excited for you to get in shape. I know you're really excited also.
Yeah, you can tell just by looking at him.
Hold on. Hold on, hold on, hold on.
I'm very excited for you to be on your fitness journey. I think that it's great to be healthy and to look out for yourself. I want to spend a long, healthy life with you.
Because, like, okay, first of all, at my current weight, this is my own insecurities. We touched on them earlier. I feel like I would smush you. I feel like I would get on top, and you would just flatten. It would be like a Wile E. Coyote cartoon when he, like, runs into a wall, and he just goes... That would be you.
Okay. Asphyxiating me. Says every man ever.
How would you feel if I got super buff?
But with you at your current physique.
Yeah. If I was like super in shape and you weren't.
No, hold on, because we're going to wrap this up soon. But while you're talking about the changes I go through in my life, can we talk about you accidentally seeing me taking out a tampon at your sister's house?
But I was peeing and then I was like, oh, I need to change my tampon. And then I told him to look away and he thought that he looked away for long enough and he didn't. And I took it out and he looked down at just the right time, just the perfect time to see everything. And then you said, I love you. You said it in such a panic, too.
You were just like, I love you and I appreciate everything you go through.
No, I mean, like there's the argument that we know we haven't had an argument. We've had a conversation about it. But like we both agree that we would like to be healthy so that we can live long, happy lives together.
You also never experienced me when I was super skinny.
We've been a little unhealthy in the past year. Just door dashing and watching movies and sitting on the couch.
Yeah, it wasn't as big of a deal to you as it was to me.
We're getting our lives together. Yeah. It's good.
And now we have the podcast. Yes. Which we should probably wrap up.
We're excited to have a lot more conversations and conversations. introduce a lot more segments and have things like a little more well-rounded. But for now, I feel good.
You know what I mean? And I didn't make it more clear that it was a big deal to me.
Do you want me to talk about it? No, I got it. We the people, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, ensure domestic tranquility. Provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty, do ourselves in our posterity, to ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.
All right. We're wrapping this up.
Honestly, fights where we're like genuinely both upset with each other.
See, thankfully my parents got divorced early, so I didn't have to see that through my older life.
Well, but yeah, we're relating it to our relationship, which I think in a way is what this podcast is about. Yeah. Or like it's going to be a big forefront thing.
Well, yeah. And like, if you honestly, if you, if you break down also like the fights that we've had, they're not over anything big. And they're resolved.
It's miscommunications between the two of us over a small thing. And then it's us kind of being frustrated with each other and then taking a little bit of time to figure out how to properly talk about it. And then we talk about it. And then we talk about it a lot more. And then we talk about it a little bit more. And then we're done.
One, two, three, four. It doesn't show on this. It shows on that. And then we transfer to this.
We could be in a little bi relationship. Oh, my God. Wait, okay.
No, because I was thinking about this when I was blow drying my hair today. In my adult.
Yeah, we need to set the bar for how this podcast is going to go.
Michael, am I gay? Do you want to test out a guy?
I've used them before. Okay, so when I was blow-drying my hair today, the lotion that I put on my money.
I didn't know what that button was. So my favorite lotion to use when I have a special event is the Fenty. Fenty. That smells like the Fenty perfume. Anyway, I was obsessed with that perfume when I was dating my ex-girlfriend. Okay. I stopped.
Yes. Okay. Because I could smell it as I was blow drying my hair.
Pause. Okay. That I wore while I was dating her.
But I gave the perfume to my roommate because I didn't want to smell like it anymore. Anyway, I was thinking about the perfume. And then I was like, oh, yeah, my last relationship was with a girl. And then I was like, oh, so out of all my relationships that I've had in my adult life, like since I've graduated high school, I thought back on them and they have gone girl, boy, girl, boy, girl, boy.
Anyone who says that they're bisexual, that's automatic validation. Correct. Correct.
If I say that I'm bisexual, even though I've never been with a woman, I'm still valid in saying that I'm a bisexual and identifying as a bisexual. Oh, yeah, of course. Why didn't you say that the first time? You can know that without being with the same gender.
And I'm not saying that I need to validate myself, but I'm just saying that's kind of like the most bisexual you can get is alternating gender relationships.
And all of a sudden, it's the shudderiest breath you've ever taken in your entire life.
I feel like I've said this many times, that bisexuality is the sexuality that makes the most sense to me. Obviously, I am bisexual, so I'm fucking biased, but duh.
You're looking me in the eyes, and you're telling me you would give me up for a man? No. Yeah, that's what I thought.
All right, talk yourself out of it.
I have helped, weirdly, a lot of people come out. But the question I always ask, because it's always girls, and they're always like, hey, I did some stuff with my friend and I really liked it. Like, am I bisexual? And I always tell them, like, my one question to know if they are bi or not is, like, do you want to do things to them? Do you want to...
be the oh yeah yeah see i'm not bisexual see and i think that's a good question that's a good question well because obviously like especially for girls like beauty is very easy to appreciate amongst women maybe i just really appreciate feeling loved and getting that kind of attention like body attention like that can feel good coming from
anyone yeah yeah but like do you want to do that to the same gender uh and then there's your answer i'm tracking it looks so good thank you i i did my makeup okay that's enough you look real good i'm sorry you look good thank you i did my makeup and i felt really good about it and then the second we like actually started to film i was like is this too much
I think it's human to be a little insecure. And honestly.
Fuck me if I were like an overconfident cocky.
I don't want to be like overly confident bitch. I know there's a way to be a good person and be confident. And I feel like sometimes I exude that. But like I feel like honestly with my personality, if I was super confident with myself, I would be a bitch. Be a nightmare.
Really excited. I know we're both really excited. This has been a long time coming.
You only got out to fill the truck up with gas. You didn't go in. I went in. I was the man. I wore the pants. I went and got you an energy drink.
You came out of the closet and then just immediately got canceled. That's going to be the headline. It's going to be. Mario comes out of the closet and gets canceled.
Mario, stop talking. Actually stop talking.
And my throats are super itchy because of my allergies.
All right, we're back. We took a little water break.
Because you're really hard on yourself, but you did not bomb.
I will say the funniest part was when I spoke.
a month two months a month on monday oh 13 months on monday 13 months we passed our one year mark so we don't have to celebrate the monthly things anymore because that's stupid well the 13 month is mario day i know but when we started dating and you're like mario it's our two months okay two months no the one what does that even i will say i honestly was a little bummed on our six month anniversary
And then she yelled out. And I go, you shit yourself today.
Ladies and gentlemen. Oh, you have to do the intro.
Welcome to the very first episode of the Pretty Funny Podcast. I'm pretty. And I'm funny. Thanks for having us. Oh, sorry. I cut you off already. Jesus Christ. I'm so scared. Welcome to the very first. Marius.
Do it. Welcome to the very first episode of the Pretty Funny Podcast. I'm pretty.