Captain Glenn

He said, no, hold on. I'm let me, let me get a monologue ready in my head. I'm going to tell this kid off. No one's ever seen a tell off like this. Well, you just wait for it. Hey, chase.

Well, thank you for doing that. I'm going to reward you for being a good little boy and give you $1,500. Wait a minute!

Ashley Savoni, she don't take no baloney.

Hava Nagila Webber.

Get a bee in your bonnet with Lacey B. Rigging the funk, it's Leslie Plunkett. She gets an A from us, it's Lindsay B. Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino.

We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily sides.

Let's go on a bender with Lauren Fender.

You know, I thought, cut them a little slack, you know, when I lived in a cave. God, I love caves. You know, sometimes we would need a drink to get by, so I understood. And it's the end of the season, they've been working hard. And you know, I don't feel good taking 100%. I don't think that's fair.

And I'm going to be real mean Canada and say they're all still very good looking, talented people. And Glenn, stay on. Stay on their asses. Sorry, I just can't do it. It's Canada. So the crew without a loss of damages gets 2,500 euros. But Daisy, Gary and Keith, they're only going to get 2,000 euros. Really showed them.

Sorry, I was Rolf.

I love it for you guys.

I'm out of with you! I'm out of!

As sailors, the seas can be dangerous for literally everybody around us. So we need Saint Carmen, you know, and it's great. She's a patron saint. I don't know if I believe in that stuff, but here's what I do know. Sure seems to turn mermaids on.

She's such a child. It makes me laugh.

Every season, at least once a season for Gary, we segue into that stupid song.

I love caves. So cut to a black and white photo of Glenn with an afro. With Jesus standing behind him, like giving a thumbs up. Yeah, we spent a lot of time in caves. And one day this guy just sort of woke up out of nowhere. We thought, oh my God, where'd this guy come from?

Which is so funny because you see all the shit that they're going through.

It's not even crunchy. It's smoothie jam. Just swallow it if you need it.

Well, everyone, unfortunately, the primary got attacked by a jellyfish. But, you know, way to go handling the jellyfish sting and especially the apology performance, which was phenomenal. It was like the cave of performances. And Gary, overall, the deck team seems to be really gelling. See what I did there? Gelling. We're working quite well together.

He's like, one, two, three, four, five. Oh, that's too much. Okay, back to the iPad in bed.

Ashley Savoni. She don't take no baloney.

Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt.

Hava Nagila Webber. Know Your Worth with Jason Kerr.

Kristen the Piston Anderson. Rigging the Funk, it's Leslie Plunkett. She Gets a Name from Us, it's Lindsay Dee. Let's Give a Kisserino to Lisa Lino. Always Killin' It, it's Lola Alcalani. We Love Her on the Rocks, it's Melissa Cox. Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the Berg.

Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neal. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily sides.

Let's go on a bender with Lauren Fender. She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthy. The incredible, edible Matthew Sisters.

She ain't no shrinkin' Violet Couture. We love you guys.

Literally nobody does anything to a jellyfish.

The procession is at 8.15. We should. We should go in the tender and have a look around. We'll do dinner. I mean, they're going to love it. They are going to love it. I personally love the procession.

When I was in the 70s, I would love to go to processions. I would sit in that cave and watch the boats go by. It was wonderful.

Actually, it's a fish knife, you fucking idiot. Get off my boat. Unfortunately, an education in fine dining isn't on the menu for you, dear. I live in a van and I still know more about luxury than you do. Get off my boat.

She's like, oh, for fuck's sake, Glenn!

Yeah, I appreciate it. It's like, okay, give me a hug.

I didn't even say caves. Flashes up again.

Winky cousins.

so then now it's time for a preference sheet meeting okay everyone the primary her name is detox and this is a world-famous drag queen superstar from Chicago she's thrilled to finally be taking a vacation and she's bringing along her sister Heather along with fellow drag queen Lola LaCroix and three other friends her friend mark is an adult film director it's his first time back in Ibiza hey

Why are you guys funny? Did someone make a joke about caves?

And then it's like, oh my God, come on, hurry up, hurry up. We got to get the food out to them.

Well, I'm very, very sorry for that because that should never happen. Obviously, we dropped the ball here. Could I offer you as compensation a 45-minute lecture about life in a cave, growing up, spending time, being near nurses, etc.?

I'd be married by now. What were we talking about? And by the way, in case you haven't seen the season trailer, we do fall quite a bit. It's kind of hilarious.