Cariad Lloyd

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My love, your young study with nicest care, so make yourself as wise as you are fair. Good sense you have, let virtue be your guide. Walk hand in hand with prudence by your side. Let every word and every action show what steps you follow, what paths pursue. And shoo and pursue is how they used to say it.

I thought, to be fair, to the people of Birmingham, I would stop.

So young, so blooming, so void of heart. No, we won't do it again.

You think, Mr Strutter, I shall read these poems and forget Mr Sykes? No! Although you have far more to offer monetarily than he does, my heart belongs to Barnaby and always will. LAUGHTER

That's so funny, though, because he's picked up on the trend. I've got to write a poem. It's got to show my feelings. What are my feelings? I need you to be prudent, wise. Those are my feelings, what I want you to be.

I definitely wouldn't use the word expert, Mr Jenner, as kind as you are to my expert skills. No, no, I am more of a flitterer of such affections. I know a little bit, but definitely not as much as the excellent professor.

Ooh. Maybe higher than we think.

Hooray!

Very different to ours. It's not what you expect. It's not the white dress necessarily. It would be like a nice dress, basically made from perhaps some nice new material if you could afford it. And it wouldn't necessarily be white, it would be flowered and it wouldn't necessarily be like on a Sunday like we have. And I know that Pride and Prejudice ends with the double wedding.

I think that wasn't that uncommon, was it? To like, you shared it with things or it happened on a normal day that you got married. It wasn't like, this is our wedding. Everybody needs to clear their schedules. You all need to pay £500,000 to come and stay in a country hotel that's miles from where you live. Like it wasn't that kind of affair, was it?

Oh, who's that, Barnaby? Why, my sister Amelia travelled in the luggage while she is so small. It is not a problem, is it, Barnaby, if she attends with us to Brighton? Barnaby, Barnaby, come back!

I just think it's similar to now, isn't it? Like, you know, although you can get divorced, divorce is a very painful and difficult, expensive, emotionally painful experience. So it's the same thing as it was thus as ever, like finding someone who not only do you just fancy at the beginning, but you're willing to spend the rest of your life with literally till death do us part, if you've said that.

It's not a simple process.

Why, Mr Jenner and Miss Holloway, it has been more than a pleasure, I must say. And I hope to encounter you again very soon.

Oh, Mr. Barnaby Sykes, surely.

I can only imagine, dear Mr. Jenner, that he is looking to improve his circumstances somewhat.

normally that's what it is in georgia i'm struggling to keep up the constant georgian voice because it's quite difficult to answer a question mr sykes well it depends what his parents do really doesn't it and what he needs to get to make sure he keeps where he is or moves upwards not entirely to do with love who's in his circle that he would think would be a good wife bearer of children and hopefully bring in some cash sally are we agreeing with cariad's analysis there for the middling sort i think

That is so funny because it also sounds a bit like a Michael Bolton lyric. And I'm like, are Matthew and Michael related? Don't marry for love, but find where it is.

So I imagine Barnaby being like 21. And I think girls were sort of on the scene from 17, 18.

For me, the funniest thing is how much walking they did. Like the walking around the room. It's like when you think of the levels you go to when there isn't a television to watch. And the promenades as well, like going for a promenade in town was such a thing.

Yes, because then also if you're being gently shepherded, what you're saying is I was out walking with Barnaby Sykes.

He does see past the children squabbling and Mr. Henriksen going on again. The finest pair of eyes he has ever set upon it was, of course, Miss Lydia Misschester.

So if she's like, all right, thanks. He's like, whoa, back away. What is it like brooches, necklaces? Like how much money does he have to spend?

Well, I want to know.

You're dead to me.

That's harsh, isn't it? Because I feel like the blokes have got to invest a bit here, haven't you, when you're not sure?

A new trim for your bonnet, Miss Miss Chester. LAUGHTER Oh, indeed. Thank you so much, Mr Sykes. And green to match my eyes, you are kind.

I've sanded off the king and I've put I love you on it. Oh, thank you, sir. It's all right. I'm afraid Mr Sykes is coming at any moment. I must excuse myself. Oh, my God.

Yeah, you say two hearts, what you mean is a woman's body and some hair?

Oh, I'm excited. I hope it's a lock of creepy hair. Whoa! It's not far off a lock of creepy hair. Wow. So it's two... Well, one is a locket. LAUGHTER Where someone has painted very small, a mouth, but they have not painted anything else. So I assume they're saying, look, here is my lips for you. But it looks super creepy.

And there's a brooch where someone's only done an eye and it seems to be surrounded by pearls and it seems to be crying diamonds. I guess in those times that was romantic, but it looks really weird.

Oh, so it's not a gift?

Oh, a love letter?

Ah, a love letter. A missive, sorry. A love missive, I would have said. Romantic epistle.

He's not coming around here with his letters. Do we know what his intentions are? Keep your second class stamps to yourself, please, Mr Sykes. My intentions are good, sir. Yeah. Oh, my God. I didn't realize.

Oh, Mr. Jenner, what a pleasure it is to finally be invited to your salon. I blush indeed. My countenance is not so fair. And to meet Miss Sally as well, whose work I have admired from afar, I must confess. Tis more than one could ask for on such a fine and temperate morning.

No, you hang up. PS1. My PS4. Exactly.

Not to brag, but I've just finished Paradise Lost, so if you want to chat through some of the main themes, I can send you my essay.

No, I guess not, because you always have to have a chaperone, right? So even when you're walking, someone should be walking a little behind you, older sister or mother or aunt or someone. So I guess your letters are being read. So is that why then you're going a bit more in code? You're hoping the parents haven't read Paradise Lost. They won't know what I'm talking about.

It's not even WhatsApp. They're just sending anything. The server was completely open.

Yes, she is also a member of Jane Austen improv show Ostentatious and will speak like that at any opportunity.

Oh, yes. Mr Strutt, cotton trader. Already he's on thin ice morally, isn't he, to judge everybody else for being wise and prudent and morally high.

On the back of everybody else, yep.

Where's he from? Birmingham, I think. Birmingham like that. So young, so blooming, and so void of art, a certain conquest makes of every heart. So sweet an air, such dignity of mine, an eye of form so fair is seldom seen. But these will fade, and where's the substitute? Where of so fine blossom is the fruit? Sorry, it was just that.

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Their work is fine.

I think, you know what? Why are there no Eglitines anymore? Bring it back. Bring back Eggie.

Wow.

So I'm a fan. I'm a fan of the movement. Although I did, I was saying to Isabella earlier, I had a moment on the way here when I was like, oh yeah, it's William Morris. And I thought, is it? Have I made that up? Is it William Morris or is he like Elizabethan? I googled it and it confirmed it was Elizabeth Morris. He'd love to be Elizabeth Morris. William Morris.

Oh, yeah. We'll get into the women in a second.

It's very white male middle class.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it depends how much you make of your ethos being like, this is for everyone, guys. So I agree with you. They're born and working in a system which will not allow them to be free. But it's interesting that that's also what they marketed themselves as. It's classic gentrification as well, isn't it?

They live there cheaply and then they destroy the area for people who've lived there for generations because it becomes a cool area where the artists are. And then the house prices go up and then like no one can afford to live there anymore.

Yeah, he would. He would love it.

Wow. Okay, this is positive. They can stay. Yes.

Time to tidy up, guys. Look at this mess.

Is it? No, I don't think it is. I think we still, as we've just said, it's very apt for modern life. It fits.

Any now, wow. It is so ubiquitous. Everywhere. That it's almost gone back round to being like a bit passé, don't I say, Strawberry Thief? Because it's on notebooks and pens and every gift shop in every National Trust property in the country has all the Strawberry Thief you can desire. That would be my slightly snobby opinion.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, but to be fair to you, Morris, it is a banging pattern. It's so good. And the first time I think you realise what it is, because I think we've all seen it. And do you know what I mean? And then the first time I was like, oh, I see that's his, like he designed that. That's a thing. Like rather than like it's just a pattern you see every day.

I think you do go, oh, that is a really good pattern. There is a reason it's so successful. It's so charming, isn't it? Yeah, it is still very charming. It's beautiful. It is.

Got there in the end, sorry.

My arts and crafts are now fulfilled. Thank you.

So is it kind of reaction to industrialization?

No, I was just thinking like that. Is that where it's got like, you know, you've lost, you know, you have, oh God, my brain. What's it called? Encroachment? What's the thing they do when they get all the land of everybody?

Yeah. And then like you get industrialization and you've lost all these skills, right? These amazing weaving skills and sewing skills. So is William Morris like harking back?

Nice hats. Good hats. Pointy hats.

They literally are the cottage core folks of the late Victorian era. They would be happy in East London now.

I've heard of William Ruskin. No. It's all Williams to you now.

George Ruskin? John Ruskin. John Ruskin. Well done. There you go.

Amongst everything else.

Oh, multi-hyphenate.

Sure, we've all been there. We've all been there. You've just got too much to do. I understand.

They were the Ikea of their day. Except it was four guys who were also socialists. Yes, and they had amazing skills.

Hello. I wanted to think of a sewing pun, but I couldn't. So nice to meet you.

His daughter's like, Dad, I was thinking about accountancy. No!

Your arts and crafts!

Yeah, kind of falling apart and some money men having to come in and be like, we'll sort it out, you idiots.

Yeah. Oh, good point.

Put that in your tapestry and weave it for us.

That's your... I'm pretty good on Georgian Regency.

Yeah.

Just a little one.

He's the Beyonce of the arts and crafts movement. If he does a country album, everybody thinks, hey, maybe we can all add this influence to our genre. He's beautifully said.

I know the arts and crafts movement. I love the arts and crafts movement. I have been to an exhibition of the arts and crafts movement when I was in Glasgow. Before they had the fire at the Glasgow School of Art, I did a tour and they had an amazing exhibition there. And it was incredible, like amazing chairs and tables and like proper, like the good stuff and just the building itself.

You start a cult, you can't keep hold of it. Before you know it, they're starting their own cult.

The aesthetics met on the street. It was like, da-da, da-da. With their needles. The other side's got knitting needles.

He would never be his friend, unfortunately. That is how all women should test for a boyfriend.

For a partner. If they can't epic poem and weave at the same time, red flag. They're out.

be able to pay their rent and text someone back on time. I think the word back to the basics.

Well, for a lot of guys, that seems quite hard.

Hello. I wanted to think of a sewing pun, but I couldn't. So nice to meet you.

Because it's not known if Jane, like... It's just, what you can imagine is like, Morris, yeah, look, okay, the photo's nice, he looks like a cool vibe, but we know Rossetti is fit. So, like, what we're knowing is, like, he's like, oh, my really fit friend who's also really talented is, like, living in the house. I'm probably not going to win this battle, essentially.

So Jane is making good and useful times with Rossetti.

That's your... I'm pretty good on Georgian Regency.

I mean, is Morris... It's a party. Like, what, is he starting a cult? Like, this sounds like... I'd go commune.

Yeah, he was like 45. He was a rich, successful, educated adult man who was like, hey, all my buddies, come round with all your wives. I just think maybe he was more aware. I'm just saying it feels like it wasn't an uninformed decision.

Oh.

Yeah.

God, William's asked us to live with him. Oh God, that's because Jane's sleeping with Dante. Georgiana's like, I'm not going there. We've got a nice house. Why do we have to go and move with them? It's going to be so awkward at parties. We have to say no. I have to say no. I don't want to sleep with Dante. Yeah.

Maybe John John was like, yes, please.

Where do I put my stuff? In Dante's room?

I know the arts and crafts movement. I love the arts and crafts movement. I have been to an exhibition of the arts and crafts movement when I was in Glasgow. I doubt my memories because I have two small children. I'm always like, did it happen or was it a fever dream? Great fever dream. Before they had the fire at the Glasgow School of Art, I did a tour and they had an amazing exhibition there.

You get all your mates around and then no one's paid the gas bill and no one knows how to operate the internet properly.

No, I haven't been to this one.

But like, normally when artists get together to form companies, you know, the Beatles or the Apocat, like, it doesn't always work out. No. It's like with art, normally that's the point. They're really good at all the artistic, creative stuff and then someone's like, have you paid the tax bill? And they go, what's that? Yeah. But it survived and it ran as a business. Is that right?

And it was incredible, like amazing chairs and tables and like proper, like the good stuff and just the building itself. So I'm a fan. I'm a fan of the movement. Although I did, I was saying to Isabella earlier, I had a moment on the way here when I was like, oh yeah, it's William Morris. And then I thought, is it? Have I made that up? Is it William Morris? Or is he like Elizabethan?

They were the Ikea of their day. Except it was four guys who were also socialists. Yes, and they had...

His daughter's like, Dad, I was thinking about accountancy. No!

And some money men having to come in and be like, we'll sort it out, you idiots.

I googled it and it confirmed it was Elizabeth Morris.

Oh, good point.

Put that in your tapestry and weave it for us.

He would love it. And we should, quickly, I know it's audio, but Isabella is wearing a very cool William Morris jacket.

Because medieval times, I know they're like, oh man, do you remember the mid... They were so great. The only people who needed tapestries were church. Everyone else was living in a hovel. And it's like, oh, it's accessible for all. They'd be like, we're peasants. We really don't need this lovely chair. We just need something to sit on. Now we're going to sleep.

We get up with the sun and we have to sort out these cows. So really, they can only exist in bringing this medieval...

No, because it's both beautiful and useful. So he'll be happy.

You start a cult, you can't keep hold of it. Before you know it, they're starting their own cult.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Okay, this is positive. They can stay.

Time to tidy up, guys. Look at this mess. Come on.

Is it? No, I don't think it is. I think we still, as we've just said, it's very apt for modern life.

It fits.

Wow. It is so ubiquitous. Everywhere. That it's almost gone back round to being like a bit passé, don't I say, Strawberry Thief? Like because it's on notebooks and pens and every gift shop in every National Trust property in the country has all the Strawberry Thief you can desire. That would be my slightly snobby opinion.

of the craft but to be fair to you morris it is a banging pattern it's so good and the first time i think you realize what it is because i think we've all seen it and do you know what i mean and then i went first time i was like oh i see that's his like he designed that that's a thing like rather than like it's just a like who you know a pattern you see every day i think you do go oh that is a really good pattern there is a reason it's so successful it's so charming isn't it yeah it's still still very charming it's beautiful so what do you know now

I'm going to answer William Morris to every single one. You'd almost be right.

Oh, it wasn't John Ruskin.

It was the other person with three names.

Cobden Sanderson.

Industrialisation.

Edward Byrne-Jones, May Morris.

They didn't put a primer on that baby. They didn't paint it first.

That was Red, that one? Yeah, Red House.

Oh, the school in Euston? Yeah. That one for destitute boys?

There's a lot of names. The Royal Industrial Needlework School for boys and girls who don't have families.

Gardening and interior design.

Embroidery.

It's always going to be embroidery. Embroidery.

The Royal Needlework Society. The Royal Society for Needlework.

Yeah.

She got 71 local people. She did. And they learned ceramics and started their own trades guild.

You got the number as well.

It's a funny phrase. What was it about a girl? They didn't let women in.

Yeah, sorry. They didn't let women in. They did not let women in. And they mostly made them do embroidery. And the Royal Academy didn't even let a woman in either.

Oh! Oh, I've been so annoyed if I'd lost that.

Drawings of eyes.

My arts and crafts are now fulfilled. Thank you.

So is it kind of reaction to industrialization? Oh, have you read the script? No, I was just thinking like that. Is that where it's got like, you know, you've lost, you know, you have, oh God, my brain. What's it called? Encroachment? What's the thing they do? When they get all the land of everybody.

Yeah. And then like you get industrialization and you've lost all these skills, right? These amazing weaving skills and sewing skills. So is William Morris like harking back to good times?

Oh, well, obviously I do. I heavily daydream about the Regency period.

I live there doing a show called Ostentatious, improvised Jane Austen. And yeah, I wrote a kids book set there as well. Big fan of Elizabethan times as well. I'd go there happily. I'd like to go and see a play at the Globe. That's what I'd like to see.

Yeah, yeah. If we can time travel, I'll go anywhere. I'll go last week. That'd be interesting.

Nice hats. Good hats. Pointy hats.

Good old pointy shoes as well.

I've heard of William Ruskin. No, you're just, it's all Williams to you now.

George Ruskin?

Oh, multi-hyphenate.

Capital G, capital M. He did everything.

He's like a nightmare director. It's like film directors now who are like, I'm in charge of casting, I'm in charge of set, and everyone's being like, it's easier if you give somebody else some delegation here.

Pugin did the inside, right, of the Houses of Parliament, did the patterns.

Yes, he did the Palace of Westminster and he did all the patterns and it's all like repeating portcullis patterns everywhere. And apparently he would close his eyes and it's all he could see. And so he went mad. What a hellscape.

Big William.

Big William energy. I've called him Daddy Morris.

Big William? Let's go with that. Does that sound better? I guess.