Carol Burnett

Well, I was doing the off-Broadway show called Once Upon a Mattress.

And we had just opened the night before. And the second night, there was a lot of buzz I could hear in the audience. And Lucy was in the audience the second night. I remember I peeked through the curtain. I saw this big shock of red hair. And there she was. I was more nervous. That night than I was opening night the night before because she was in the audience. Anyway, it went okay.

And I had this funky little dressing room off Broadway. She knocked on the door after the show and came in. And I had this couch and it had a spring coming up. And she was going to say, I said, look out. She said, I see it.

Anyways, we visited for about a half hour and she said, she called me kid because she was 22 years older. Right. She said, if you ever need me for anything, give me a call. So about four or five years later, I did a few things, and then CBS was going to give me a special, a one-hour variety thing, if I could get a major guest star. So the producer said, call Lucy.

And I said, oh, I don't want to bother her. He said, well, all she can do is say, I'd love to, but I can't. I'm busy. Got her on the phone, called her office. She came up, hey, kids, you're doing great. What's happening? I was just, I said, oh, Lucy, I'm doing, I know you're busy. She said. When do you want me? And we did the show together.

So then when I got my variety show, and then I did several guest appearances on her later shows, the Lucille Ball show, and when she played Lucy Carmichael. That's right.

Right, right. And then when I got my show, she came on. So we kind of traded on and off. And so, oh, wow. This one time, she's on my show, and we have a dinner break before the orchestra rehearsal, so she and I went over to the farmer's market to have, so we were in the Chinese restaurant there, and she's knocking back a couple of whiskey sours.

No, it was a nighttime show.

So at that time, of course, my husband, Joe Hamilton, was executive, was producing our show. And so she now was not with Desi. She said, you know, kid, it's great that you got Joe, you know, to handle a lot of stuff for you because when I was married to the Cuban... Like he's a cigar.

He did everything. Desi did everything. He took care of the scripts. He took care of the lighting, the camera work. He's the one who invented the three cameras.

Yeah. And she said, when I came into the Monday morning, you know, the table read, everything was perfect because he had seen to it. And all I had to do is be crazy Lucy, you know, fine. So then we got a divorce. Now I'm going to do the Lucy Karma, whatever it was. And I came in, no Desi, and we read the script and she said, it was awful. Kid, it stank.

And I thought, oh, God, what am I going to do? Desi's not here. She called me for lunch, and she went back to her office. She said, I've got to be strong. I've got to confront this the way Desi would. She said, so I knew what I had to do. Went back to the table read. And I told them in no uncertain terms how I felt about the script, how we had to fix it.

She said, kid, and she took an L. And that's when they put the S on the end of my last name.

On my birthday, and this one birthday, I got up in the morning and turned on the Today Show, and she had passed away on my birthday. And that afternoon, I got flowers that said, Happy Birthday, Kid. Yeah. So we had a great bond.

Yeah.

Yes.

I had ambition. I wanted, yeah.

Right, but that's not fair. No, it's not fair. Not fair at all. It's not fair.

Right.

Foy, pardon me, Foy. Eddie Foy Jr.,

And that you all were having such a good time. Isn't that why we get into it in the first place?

Yeah, totally. We want to get in the sandbox and play. Yeah, it's all play, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. And don't take yourself too seriously.

Fun with Petula. I mean, it was all just love. Why, you were a wreck in anticipation of this conversation?

Help me out. Did I ever tell you a story about Lucy?

I'm so. Oh, my God.

Yes.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Exactly.

I see.

It is.

Right.

First of all, I'm going to tell you something.

No, but it was actually, I thought it was.

Oh, I was always very physical.

Tell me about it. I should have thought about it. You're a precursor to Jane Fonda.

Yeah.

I Wordle, too.

Yes. You know.

So you did it. I did it. Yeah. We've been 21 years now. Congratulations. That's phenomenal. And how did you meet each other? We worked together.

That applies to everything, but I totally hear you. That answers that question. Done and done.

Yeah, that's a great answer. You know, you had to go through... You had to go through it.

And it's not going to ruin anybody. That's right. It's okay. Right.

Yeah.

And I have my husband and my cat. You have your husband, who's younger than you, by the way. Yeah. What's that like? Lovely. Lovely. I don't have to take care of him. He can take care of me. Oh, that's nice. Yeah.

The big 9-0. The big 9-0. Yeah. And how old do you feel? 11. Do you really?

Then I got older.

Oh, my God. Isn't that funny? Perspective is everything.

I love that idea. Well, look at Norman Lear. He's going to be 101. He's going to be 101. Yeah. I know.

Yeah, it is a floaty thing.

I wanted to make people laugh. It just took one good joke. A joke and a jolt. Yeah.

Yes.

No. She just wanted to be entertained. Yes, of course.