Caroline Foran

And we all have absorbed those messages of how kids need boundaries.

They need them to feel safe.

So I'm, I was pushing and pushing this whole time being like, I have to be the, I'm the one in charge.

I'm the calm, confident leader.

And

But for him, for a PDA child, that sort of being above him, having that hierarchy where I'm like, no, I'm going here because I'm the parent and I get to decide that and you're the child.

It's a recipe for disaster, even for a five-year-old PDA kid.

really like I definitely think it's more I would be impacted a lot by like in a social situation I end up sort of getting caught in this web of like performative parenting where even if it's with my friends and they know that we have this diagnosis and they know like everything we've been through but you still end up responding to your kid because there's an audience because we still want to be seen to be like no you can't do that and then like it'll be fireworks and I know that how I'm responding is maybe not

right for him but you just it's the social pressure on you as a parent to be seen to not tolerate certain behaviour but for the most part when so like what a PDA child and PDA person needs is a very low demand approach a very like lowering demands as much as you can because if you think about it a child is probably

facing demand after demand after demand all day long, like get up, eat your breakfast, put on your shoes, go to school, learn this, do this, don't do that.

In their world, they have so little autonomy as is anyway.

So for him, how we can kind of show up would be not wanting to do something and

it really sticking the heels in and then me knowing that this is what's going on.

Maybe it's better if I just give you an example.

Like, so before we got the diagnosis, I would try my hardest to be like, no, I need to push through this.

I need him to learn that what mommy says goes sometimes.

And yeah,

I remember I was recording video so I would have some evidence to bring to the assessment because I just think that's really important because you're never going to be able to give a full picture in the in-person part.

And it's when you're at home and when you're in your environment where all of it can really come out.

We were sitting in the garden last summer and my son had reached a point of dysregulation where he was on edge, just very highly sensitive and anything could set him off.