Casey Rocket

I put on shoes. It was winter. And I just ran into the woods. And I just ran. And it was like fucking my arms all up because it was bramble bushes. and I ran for several miles, and then there was a gas station. And I had stolen some change, so I called some of my friends, and I was like... It was like I was trying to brag, because they were 14 too, so there's nothing they could do.

And I was like...

Hey, I'm in the middle of dinner right now. Let me call you back. I was like, yo, I broke out of rehab. And they were like, what? That's all right. You're like, cool, I guess. And then I called my dad and I was like, yeah, I ran away. Then he came and got me. All right, there you go. And actually, the police came and they had called the police like teenage runaway. The police took me back there.

Then my dad came to there.

Yeah, that sucks. I feel bad for you.

Yeah. What the fuck was like one of those teen challenge things? You know, there's like Netflix documentaries like that troubled teen industry or is one of those things.

They were just getting started.

Sit down, fat boy. They said, I can't come back, which I was like, perfect. Ideal situation. Thanks, dickhead. What? No.

Yeah, I know. Oh, what? So they said I couldn't come back because that was like a trouble to the other kids or something because I ran away. I was like, I would have ran away the first day if I knew that. Dude, he's a nightmare. I love it. So they from there, they put me in a mental hospital for like two weeks because they were like, we don't know what to do with you.

The rehab was saying, put him in jail as like a ward of the state. Crazy. And is this just drugs?

No, just drugs. Just us. yeah i only have uh i have a serious substance abuse problem but i don't have any mental health problems gotcha and so i both baby don't worry just that night yeah you're in good company take him to the hospital so they they put me in the hospital for a little bit i got out and then break out of there too yeah well no no they let me out eventually

Thank you. Happy to be here.

So it like ran its course. I just never think about this stuff. So then I went back to public school. Okay. And then one week later, I got kicked out of public school for being high on Robitussin at the football game with my friend Brett. And our backpacks were like full of stolen bottles of wine from CVS. And they went through my pockets, and it was like Tuss. It was like a clown car.

Just a never-ending, just a very long bottle. It was like three packs of Marlboro Reds, two bottles of Rippin' Tuss, and one bottle of wine in my pants. Crazy thing is he was the quarterback.

In his finest DX shirt. Business as usual. I was happy to hear that you are a CEO. You're a businessman. That gives me comfort. Sure, yes. I'm also a businessman of sorts. In what sense? What type of work do you do? Ventures. Ventures. Here and there. Not capitals, just ventures. Just ventures. I'm working up to capitals. And it's been the best summer ever, and I'm happy to be here. That's great.

Is this regular Robitussin? Yeah. Well, Robitussin DM. You can't drink CF. It gets you really sick. Like, violently sick. And sometimes we made that mistake. Like, how sick could it get you? And then you're like, ah! It's like shitting and puking family guy style out of both ends. You're like, oh, it's true. The rumors are true. But like a bottle would? Like four ounces.

Four ounces will get you going. And then you get a Tuss tolerance. So then it's eight ounces, 12 ounces. Sure.

I did. I drank all the time. But as far as like a day to day thing that I could have access to because I didn't have a car. Right. My mom, you know, would go get groceries. So I wanted to be high all the time. I just have that gene. Sure. I'm just a drug addict. And so I would just steal tests. Yeah. Gotcha. You'd go with your mom and you'd steal it. Mm hmm.

When I was younger, you know, until I had a car, yeah. Until he got a car. What was that first car? A red Pontiac Grand Am. No shit. Where'd you get that? What year? It would have been a 2008. All right. Yeah, it was nice. It's a set of wheels. Yeah, I think it was $3,500. It was a nice car, $3,500. Where'd you get the cash for that? My dad bought it, and I worked it off. Gotcha.

I slowly paid him back, yeah.

Yes, several times.

I saw it out front. Several times. So I got kicked out of the ninth grade and then not even a ninth grade. Where do you go from there when you get kicked out of a public school in a rural town? So I was kicked out of the eighth grade and then they were that was for fighting. And then I had a bamboo weed pipe in my book bag, like a piece of bamboo that we had made into like a piece pipe.

And then, so then I go to rehab. So it goes kicked out of the eighth grade rehab. I got a public school for one week. I get kicked out of public school. Then I go to the mental hospital for two weeks. Then I couldn't go to any more public schools cause I've been kicked out twice in one year. Okay. So then they sent me to military school. Really? So then I spent six months in military school.

Yeah, when I was from 14 to 15. How was that? Awful. What was the name of it? It's called Riverside Military Academy.

It was atrocious.

Or was it all the way through? It was middle school through high school. Yeah, so it was like 7th, 8th, and then all of high school.

Yeah, really, really formal. Everyone's in military guard, roughly at 5 or 6 in the morning. Then you march. Everyone marches as a school, and then you break off into your platoons or your companies.

That's part of the problem is I wasn't ever getting to get any sleep. Yeah. So I was always acting out.

Yeah, some people. I mean, there was definitely a lot of violence, for sure, but I had a lot of friends, too. What the fuck?

Well, I did it my semester, so I did second half of my freshman year at military school, and then enough time had elapsed where I could go back to public school. Go back in the same public school system.

Yeah, I was like legendary. Yeah, I was like persona non grata. I was like, oh, that's that guy. That's that young Tusk kid.

Young Tusk.

Yeah, relatively.

From 15, then I graduated public school, and then I graduated from Georgia Southern. Yeah. Okay. So I went to college, yeah. No kidding. What'd you get in the SATs? Is that the one with the longer number? Never mind. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know, but I got a 22 on the, I got a 24 on the ACT.

And it's only winter. It's only winter.

Sure. I'm well read. Okay. Were you always reading when you were growing up?

I like, yeah, I read a lot of books and I watch a ton of movies. I've seen probably like 10,000 movies. So you were reading on your own as a kid while you were going through all this shit?

I know that.

Yeah.

which isn't really that that takes no effort to do so i've actually never read a book um because i was high all the time and even though i went back to public school i was i still i got sober for the first time when i was 21 so from from 15 to 21 it was just mayhem mayhem yeah complete chaos everything um it was it was fine i did good i graduated with a degree in journalism No shit.

And technical writing.

Mm-hmm. I was the head of the school magazine. Whoa. Look at this.

Reflector.

What was it? It was called Reflector Magazine. No kidding.

Is that true? I was born in Normal, Illinois. Bloomington, Normal, Illinois. Okay. On a day just like today. And... Scared yet Scared yet And But I was raised in Georgia I spent my whole life in Georgia Okay So yeah North Georgia Kind of rural area When did you guys pull out of Illinois?

Yeah, it's mainly just a list of movies you watch.

Yeah, I had a lot of my friends from high school. So this was about five hours from where I grew up. So I kind of got out of that town.

Yeah, I got a couple. I almost did not make it my freshman year. I got a couple strikes with the university.

for i got i got arrested for drunken public twice and then i got i my ra you know i'm talking about the door people he came narcs i call him yeah he came into my room and i was blackout drunk and i was like who is this guy i was like trying to fight i had never met him so i was like what are you doing in my house i was like trying to fight him this guy broke into my house holy shit

But after that, I made pretty, I mean, for a couple years I was still drinking, but I really turned my life around when I was 18. I was like, you know, this has to change. I have to try. Because I was failing out my freshman year. I had failed like four out of my five classes. And my dad was like, you know, you're going to have to move home. Like if you don't turn it around.

So I was like, okay, I'm going to make some change.

where so that was that was just drinking then not no drugs um no like recreational yeah pretty much just drinking okay yeah all right but you made it through journalism degree yeah that's fucking hard man yeah that's fucking awesome yeah i enjoyed writing and it gave me a sense of purpose being uh the editor of the magazine i enjoyed that so yeah yeah that's all right sense of responsibility and then when'd you start comedy

I started when I was 20.

So I started at Georgia Southern doing the school talent shows.

All right.

Yeah.

So I did two years at Georgia Southern and I would go to Savannah, do open mics down there. And then I was in Atlanta proper for like nine months. Okay. And then I was in Boise, Idaho. The hotbed. All right. What were you doing there? I was there for three years and then I've been here for four years.

I had a buddy. The people I was living with when I graduated college wanted to move out there and do like mountain bike stuff. So I just went with them. But I never did any of that stuff. I was like, oh, I'll just go hang out. It's crazy.

Uh-huh. Okay.

Well, I met Red Band after maybe a month of being here. Okay. And at that time, I was living in my car. So I met Red Band and William just randomly. All right. Okay. And then I did kill Tony maybe eight months later or something.

I was in the car for six months.

At Walmart.

Yeah. Showered at friends and playing at fitness.

um no just trying to make it work with comedy where'd you get money how did you did you i would i would do door dash okay so i would door dash and then i would try to make the money from the gigs i was getting which is like 10 or 20 yeah yeah but when you're living in your car there's no overhead what sure what is that car at that time a ford escape so it's not it has a little bit of space where'd you get that car

I bought it in Idaho. Okay. From working. So you're making it work. All right. Jesus Christ. What was your first proper job as a kid? I worked at like seven different pizza places. I was just a delivery driver.

When I was about four years old About four years old Yeah Brothers?

I when I was in college, I get when I drink, I get delirium tremors. So I get the shakes and I would have to drink before I sweet. All right. I would have to drink before I drove. So I would have to drink to safely drive. So because I would have alcoholic seizures. So I would be delivering pizzas and I'd be like crushing these little four loco things called bootleggers.

And my backseat was just full of bootleggers. I would just be driving, but I wasn't any drunker than the next guy. It was just kind of, I guess that's sound logic, but it was a college town. Like, I don't know. Yeah. But yeah.

I had at the time when I was born, I had an older sister. Okay. She's alive. I don't know why I said it. But at the time and at that time and at this time, I had an older sister and she's four years older than me. And then now I have two half brothers. Okay. So they are 18 and 16.

Yeah.

Are you listening to the show? Thanks for all that. I've been to jail several times. I've been to jail four times. Three times for drunken public and one time for shoplifting.

It's usually like the, hey, just go home.

Well, that's the thing is they would be like, keep it moving. And I'd be like, what did you fucking say to me?

Oh, my God. Yeah, I was incorrigible. Yeah, I was very police always made me super angry. So I'd be drunk. They'd be like, keep it moving. Don't you fucking tell me what to do. I pay your salary or something. You go bust a meth lab, you fucking pig. Jesus. Just a traffic cop. Hey, take it easy, kid. What were you stealing at Walmart? I was stealing from a Publix. A Publix, I'm sorry.

And I had Walmart. Back then, they didn't have those little gates, so it was a free-for-all. The rule of thumb was to steal from Walmart because they had a no-chase policy.

Well, all I ever wanted was for someone to tell me to stop. Sure. I just wanted somebody to bring my reign to an end. Is that true? No. I don't know. Maybe. Fucking high on tusks, dude.

There was dozens of people who told him to stop. I had a support system, but I did not. I did not care. Man, I love you. This is fucking great.

You're fucking killing it. It's going really good. He came to watch me in like four or five cities last year. That's very nice. This has to blow his mind. I think it does.

I know. Yeah, I think it truly, and for good reason, I think they both 100% thought I would be dead by now. Buddy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm in Chicago this week, and he's coming to see me in Chicago, and then my mom's going to my other shows in Chicago, so that's continuing. I'm doing Old Town Zanies and Rosemont. Rosemont, yeah.

No. No? They don't see eye to eye. They don't talk. Gotcha.

But I will tell you, when I was arrested for shoplifting, not to harp on this, just because it's a funny story, I went in there to steal beer, and it was like 4 or 5 in the morning, and I was on a bunch of Ritalin. And I was blackout drunk, obviously. And I tried to fill the shopping cart. I was so drunk, I didn't make it to the beer aisle. I just started clearing shelves into the cart.

Yes. Well, they split up when I was like seven. So they were together for a couple years after we moved down there. Okay.

We'll take care of it. I'll be right back. Yeah, it's one of those things where you're saying something and you're doing the opposite. So I was going, oh, yeah, for sure. I'm going to come in there and pay for it. And then I just got in my car and drove away. And they showed up at my house because they got my license plate.

Yeah, my mom's house.

All I ever wanted was for someone to tell me to stop. Having a cold cut.

All right. Yeah. Who are you living with now? I have my own apartment. I live by myself. That's amazing. What kind of car you got now? I just bought a new car. It is a 2018 Toyota 4Runner. Kid's got a new 4Runner out there. Pretty good.

Well, I have some dollars now. Sure. I did like 50 cities last year. Yeah, man. I bought a car. That's great. Love to fucking. How fucking awesome is that? Yeah. It's exciting. It's super new to me. Even last December, so not this one, the one before that, I could only sell maybe 20 tickets. So it's pretty exciting. That's amazing.

Back and forth. Back and forth. Was it close, the houses? Relatively. Okay. Relatively. 20 minutes. 30 minutes. Was it civil? Yeah.

Holy shit. It's absolutely true. It's my first lease. Yeah.

We're going to need 100 months in advance. My credit is not great, understandably. But also, I'd always lived with girls. So when I moved out of... When I was living in Boise, I was living with a girl, my girlfriend. And then...

My man. Off the radar. Off the grid, baby. Got to be able to stick and move, dude. Yeah, well, I never want to get involved in something that I can't pack up my bags and be gone in 30 seconds. Heat logic. It's all this. It could be gone. Sounds well adjusted. Sounds healthy. So, yeah, man, I'd never been on a lease, so it's pretty exciting. That's awesome, man. I have all my stuff. It's wonderful.

Yeah, I just got a couch last week. Where'd you buy it? What kind of store? Discount furniture store. That's okay. Yeah.

No, they delivered it. Thankfully, it fit through the door. Yeah. What kind of bed you got over there now? I got a board mattress company free mattress from the William Montgomery show. There he is. And a bed frame that I have a button and I can make the bed stand up. Look at this guy. Come on. Come on.

No. Next question. Not in the slightest. That's what we were looking for, baby. It was messy. It was a bloodbath. That's where I got my keen business sense. That's where I learned my ventures. Both ends against the middle. They don't negotiate with each other. But, yeah, so I was a child, and that was great. Raised in rural Georgia. Rural Georgia.

Moving in his car.

This is from a company called Suplex Vintage in Philly. I know Mike very well. No way. Shout out to him. Yeah, I got all my shoes from Mike. Bunch of their stuff. Yeah, they're cool guys. Great. Yeah. I got a bunch of other shirts. This... I don't know what these pants are. I have, like, three pairs of pants. I just rotate. It's just style. It's the worst thing. Of course. I'm just curious.

No. I don't own a suit.

Well, I had my... Okay, so... So I have a little money, but I've had my apartment for like nine months since last May, and I just got a couch. Before that, I had two director's chairs that I bought at a thrift store. So I had two director's chairs in the middle of the living room, and I would just sit there in my director's chairs and watch my movies.

That's the funniest thing I've ever heard in my life.

It's a pretty good-sized town, but it was pretty rural. My mom is a horse trainer, so I grew up... No shit? Yeah. Like racetrack? Western pleasure. So like show horses. That sounds like a pornography. Well, there's two styles of show horses. There's English, which is like the little black hat and the chaps. Gotcha. Very proper in the crop. And they do jumping. And it's called dressage.

Hey, you want to come over and be uncomfortable?

Because we can't sit next to each other either. That's a tough move, dude.

That's all right.

Sure. Cooking a little bit. Yeah. Spaghetti. Is that your dish? I don't know. I don't cook very often. I mostly eat out.

Do you order in?

You know, I haven't been home very much. It's working. I'm working. I'm on the road. 50 cities. Under Riff Challenge.

uh not very much not very much yeah how old are you when you got your passport do you have your passport i have a passport yeah i did canada i did canada three times last year yeah okay so is that when you got got it yeah uh-huh a couple years ago well i when i was 20 i did a month studying abroad in paris ah so i got a passport for that cultured man how the fuck did that happen

How did that happen? They let the cat out of the bag. They let the big dog eat. They let me over there, the tusk tyrant. They called me La Infante Terrible.

It was great. It was the same cost of doing a semester at Georgia Southern, but it was just in France. Oh, I loved it. It was wonderful. That's crazy. I fell in love with a girl from Ghana, and then I never saw her again. Man. Her name is Judith. If you're out there, just call me.

Yeah, it was a cultural shift. Yeah. A shift. I've never heard that. It was great.

At the Universitat de Paris. The Paris University.

Yeah, just a dorm room.

Yeah.

Yeah, I did. I went out to Versailles one night because the train line runs to Versailles, and they have a great train system there. And then I don't remember if I fell asleep or what, but I was out there at Versailles, which is relatively far from Paris, and the train stopped running.

So then I was just in Versailles, in this golden city that looks like an emperor city, and it was just me on the streets. And, yeah, it was pretty tough. I don't remember how I got home. I was thinking about that the other day. You guys got any lunch meat out here? Yeah. Did you like the food over there? I'm going to have to shoplift my way back. Interpol's looking for you. Yeah.

Yeah, man, the food was good. The chicken was real good. The chicken? What? Well, that's what comes to mind. They have, like, hormone-free chicken. Sure. Yeah, it was delicious. How's the palate? Do you like a nice dinner? I have a really, really simple palate. Like meat and cheese. Tell us. Meat and cheese. That's it, meat and cheese. Cheeseburger, pizza, meat and cheese. Taco, enchilada.

I almost bit through my tongue eating a cheese enchilada like two days ago in Cincinnati. I bit my tongue so hard and I turned to my friend and I said, is it there? And my mouth was full of blood. Dude, that shit's the worst. Talk about rooting a fucking sandwich. I know. I fucking hate that. It's the last bite of the meal, too.

Pete Terry's is really good out here at the Burger Place. Pete Terry's makes a fine burger. That's kind of a specialty spot. Sure. You're talking about the basics? I like Taco Bell. Taco Bell is good. He's a TB, man. He is.

I love a frozen Baja Blast. Sure. Slushies. Goddamn gentleman. So tasty.

Yeah, I love, I just have a really simple, no onions or anything, just meat and cheese. What do you hate?

That's expensive stuff.

Mustard. Hate mustard and pickles. Hey, I don't want to talk about that. Guys, let's move on from here. You get me all worked up. I can't talk about this. They hate mustard like that.

Yeah, but then Western pleasure is like cowboy horses. So everyone, they're show horses. So you dress like a cowboy. It's basically like make-believe. And then you show these real nice horses with real nice lineages, and she would help to train the horses. Gotcha.

A little ketchup? A little mayo? I just started putting ketchup on it about a year ago, so I've worked up to that. Man, success has gone to your head.

Real bougie, Casey. You know what?

I have this reoccurring thing called iritis, which is an inflammation of the iris, which is, you can go blind from it. Yeah. Whoa. I started getting it. I went to a strip club in Atlanta. This is true. I hope you believe me.

I pray you'll believe me. On a night just like tonight. And this is maybe 10 years ago, and we went to a strip club. And the next day, I woke up, and I opened my eye, and I just started screaming. Because it is...

you know how your eye dilates when it's exposed to sunlight iritis is where when the dilation takes place it causes a muscle spasm like as if you're having like a back spasm or like a spasm in your thigh but it's your eyeball so it feels like your eyeball is being like torn out of your head it's extraordinarily painful and i get it once a year freaking me out

What does the strip club have to do with this? I don't know. I don't know. But it has to be a correlation, right? It has to be a correlation. It can't be I get this weird, because it's a super rare disease. Only like maybe 50,000 people get it in America every year.

I'm not going to sit here and lie to you. I got a dance. I got a dance.

Contacts. Oh, I dropped my contact. Put it back in.

Do you wear contacts? Yeah, I don't have them in right now, but yeah, I do. Are you nearsighted or farsighted? I always forget what that means, but I can't see far. Drove here. Yeah.

I have glasses in my car, so it's all good.

Have you ever been to a monster truck rally? I wish. I had Gravedigger reach out. What? Yeah, Gravedigger. It's a girl who drives it. You're officially the most famous person I've ever met. That's awesome. She messaged me a couple weeks ago, and she said that I could come to a rally or something. Whoa. I'm never around. Go. I would love that.

I think I probably went when I was a kid. We were always going to, like, rodeos, and my mom always had, like, really, really, like, redneck boyfriends, like Bobby Ray, Billy Ray.

Yeah. Bobby Ray. Bobby Ray.

They divorced a couple years ago. Gotcha. Yeah, he wasn't the best guy. Yeah. Sure.

Yeah, they're doing good. My mom lives in southern Illinois again. She moved back to our old family farm. So she out there. No, no neighbors in the middle of cornfields out there.

Your mom. Well, it's from like her childhood. Yeah, it's like her great grandfather. It's like two acres and then a little little farmhouse out there. Yeah.

Yeah, it had changed hands with different people in the family, and then now she has it, yeah.

Strike number one. Shh. Yeah, I didn't enjoy it at the time, but I've grown to become fond of them. Does she still do it? Mm-hmm. That's pretty good. What was the house like, girl? Was it a house, a condo, a townhouse? My dad, when I would be at my dad's, it was like a house, like a two-story house, like a regular house.

Yeah, it's really nice out there. So she's got her horses, and she's got like seven or eight horses she's gathered through the years. That she owns? Yeah, well, there's some in the barn that are leased there. Trying to make the cash. People pay her. Yeah, of course. And does she train the horses that she owns to perform? Yeah, she still shows them sometimes, yeah.

She won something at the Congress, the World Horse Congress, which is like the Super Bowl of horse riding a couple years ago. No shit. She won a show or something. Yeah.

The kid's making moves. I just got home. The bed goes up and down.

He just does that ten times a day. Did you go and get a physical? No. I just want to flash the card for the chicks. Well, they sent me a letter in the mail because I was gone for three weeks. I just got back yesterday, and they said, hey, we're going to cancel your insurance. They might have canceled it because I didn't pay it. Okay. But I had medical insurance, if only for a moment.

I like it. I like it. I feel generally more like my life is more together when I'm on the road than when I'm home. Sure.

Because I don't have I have a girlfriend. I have a bisexual girlfriend in Atlanta.

I have a bisexual artist girlfriend, and she lives in Atlanta, so I don't remember where I was even going with that. I guess I just wanted you guys to know that.

Shoehorn that in.

I truly don't know where I was going with that. Travel, I think. Sure, travel. I asked you about hotels. When I come back to hotels, yeah, for sure. My girlfriend's bi.

when I'm home I feel lost like I'll be gone I've just been doing last year I was gone way too much then I would come home and I feel like I wouldn't know my friends anymore and I would just feel really lost here you mean yeah gotcha but so I'm trying to find a better after the next couple weeks it's I'm doing weekends now which is a blessing so I will be home more than I was yeah yeah yeah because when you're doing one-nighters you can line up I mean you could be gone forever a month yeah yeah sometimes I'll be gone for like one or two months yeah

United. Oh. You're United, man. Yeah. Okay. But I'm thinking about switching to Delta because they lost my bag. Bastards.

It's new. She is one of my really good friends from high school. Yes. No, I'm sorry. She...

I didn't finish my sentence. See? One of my really good friends from high school who I moved to Idaho with, that is her brother. So she is one of my best friend's sisters.

Basically. I knew her from when I was like maybe 18.

Yeah. Now you're... Now we're dating, yeah. Now you're killing it. We're in love. We just started dating like a month ago. So it's super new. But it's interesting because I was gone. You know, I've seen the world. I've been out there. I've done different things. And then I came back to finally be with someone who is from where I'm from.

But then my mom's house— How many times have you said house makes me think it was not a house? It was totally normal house, two-story house, two-story house. Tons of doors. You guys would have loved it.

At the end of the day, I came home and I said, you know what, this person, I really looked at her and I was like, you know what I really like? I was searching for something, and it was right there the whole time.

I went around the world, but she was right there the whole time.

Aunt Soupy. That's a real one? That's my aunt's name, Aunt Soupy. Aunt Soupy. Well, I have an Aunt Cindy, so that's very close. Not as weird, but close. No. Okay. Yeah, Joey, Jeff. It's kind of right up the middle. Brad. You got an Uncle Brad? I got an Uncle Brad. Uncle Brad's all right. He's the main uncle. He's got a bunch of kids. A bunch of my cousins are via Brad. They come to Ken of Brad.

You guys would have loved it. It was perfect. But my mom's, we would move around all the time. So sometimes we would be like in a camper. Sometimes we would be like. Why get the fuck out of here? Yeah, like a real small camper. And I burned it down on accident. I was lighting. You did it on purpose. That's absolutely true. I was lighting little fires in the sink.

By way of Brad. You close with the family? Relatively, just around the holidays.

My dad's house.

yeah yeah my little brothers are younger now they're older 16 and 18 but yeah so I yeah whatever every Christmas I'll fly home go do it down there because they're little kids so yeah it's mostly for them Thanksgiving I stay here stay here but if I did do it in the past it's always been at my dad's yeah now like this year will you decorate your apartment but maybe put a little tree do a little something or no

I had a little Santa by the door okay but I don't you know I didn't have a girlfriend or anything like living with me so it's all just me so my apartment is covered like head to toe and like Donnie Darko Paul Thomas Anderson like guy stuff Rust Cole Drew Detective shit

Yeah, I keep it pretty clean.

Yeah, keep it pretty tip-top. Cleanliness is next to godliness. They taught us that at military school. Jesus Christ. Taught me that when I was digging stumps.

But it's an artist's life.

It's nature or nurture.

Can I be both? Duality of man. Sure. You can walk in both worlds. Yeah. I dip my toes in both. Spaghetti. I don't really make spaghetti. I was just trying to impress y'all. I don't make... Come on. What are we doing here? He's got you fucking... I just wanted y'all to think that I cook. Do you drink milk? Do you like milk? If y'all do. I don't drink it like that.

I'm sorry, I think there's no bisexual girlfriend. I don't drink it like that. Okay.

No mayonnaise. It's a plain Jane, meat and cheese. I just started using ketchup. Ketchup is new for me.

I'm reading a book about a doomed Arctic expedition called The Worst Journey in the World. That's pretty good. Yeah.

and why i i guess i was just bored or i was angry i don't know i was really young sure and then the i couldn't it got bigger than i anticipated some things were burning some things got out of hand and i grabbed the nearest thing and i poured it on it when it was nail polish fluid and it fucking and i burned down our little home Who lived there? Was it just you and her? Just me and her.

And we need to be talking about it right now. It was purple, yeah. I would have been a hero. They would have threw me a fucking parade.

Yeah, uh-huh.

Yeah.

No. Damn. HP. Damn, I was rooting for you. Kindle. I got an HP.

No. Hunter S. Thompson style. No, not Thompson style. I saw an interview once with Paul Thomas Anderson, and he said that he learned how to direct movies from watching a bunch of movies. So I was like, you know, I'm basically him. I basically made Boogie Nights when I was 26. Yeah. I am La Infant Terrible. I am a wunderkind.

He was really young. That's crazy. Dude, he made Magnolia when he was 30, which is like this beautiful three-hour opus. It's unbelievable. Frank T.J. Mackey. Yeah. The best. So I figure that's probably where I'm at in my life. I'm just Paul Thomas Anderson. So that's how I view myself. And then I go on stage and talk about worms for an hour or two.

Yeah. Very cool to see, man.

Thank you, guys. What do you got coming up? You got a tour? I'm on tour. Casey Rocket comedy dot com. I'm doing 30 cities this year, going to Australia, going to the UK, going to Australia, going to Australia. Well, what's the fucking shoplift? Nothing over there.

UK, Ireland, going all over the place. But yeah, CaseyRacketComedy.com. Yeah, thank you all so much, buddy.

Appreciate you.

I don't know where my sister was at that time, but it was super small. But that was like a pretty small portion. That was like six months maybe. Was the camper on like a site or were you just kind of popping up? It was behind the barn. So it was just out in the woods.

yeah that she would rent i guess gotcha doesn't even own the barn she's renting the barn sure that makes sense though it's like some rich guy that owns the barn she's a horse trainer for sure yeah all right um and then we would move all we would move around we lived in a barn for a while like a little apartment sure we all uh we all slept in the same bed so what age we talking there um maybe eight or nine probably too old is this when your parents were still together

No, no, no, no.

Yeah. Whoa. What'd your dad do? What does he do? Yeah. Business, just like me.

Suit and tie man, cup of coffee.

Yeah, he pitches products to Home Depot. So people come to him with a product, and he's like the middleman. Yeah. Gotcha.

Yeah. Yeah. Really? Yeah. So he like sets up at what do you call them? Like conferences and he'll have his booth with the products of the people and really try to push like the buyers or whatever. Yeah. Like Lowe's Home Depot.

He could pop like that. Maybe. I don't know the extent of I don't know. He's really described it to me.

Because he does give little presentations. I've never been there. Do you still talk to both of your parents? Yes. Okay. Yeah.

I do. I feel like I'm talking to Kaiser Soze over here. Start talking in a British accent. My mother's name was Couch Desk.

Couch Desk shoe knob, so it's pretty cool.

It was fine. I went to public school. Okay.

I could see him being a smart guy though. Relatively. I mean, it came relatively easy to me, but I never like tried at it. Like B's and C's. Okay. That's pretty good. Fair enough. Not bad. Sports? Yeah, baseball. My dad was my baseball coach. Really? All right.

He was he pitched at Illinois State. So he was a baseball player. And he was my rec baseball coach from when I was four to when I was 18. So, OK, my whole life, he was my baseball coach. Can he throw heat? He was a curveball guy. Eighty five topped out at eighty five. Had some movement on it, though. A little bit of Western pleasure.

Shortstop, primarily. But I would move around. I was a utility man.

Chase Utley.

Played for the Blue Jays for a couple of seasons. Yeah, tapered off towards the end there. Did you do that in high school, too? Did you play for your high school team? I didn't. I only played rec. Yeah. Okay. Just rec. I was decent. I never really tried at it, though. I love love baseball. I'm a huge Cubs fan, but I never applied myself.

Disney World.

It's not bad.

That was just when they were together. So I have a memory of going there a couple times. And then never been on one with my mom. We didn't have the money to do that. Sure. Working single mom. Yeah. My dad, he took me a couple times to a beach. Yeah, like South Carolina. What? A beach. A house. Business. Tried to pull away. You're chasing the car. I never think about this stuff.

Yeah, it took me to a beach. Sounds like you're making up an alibi on the spot.

Yeah, he remarried when I was 10. Yeah.

I did not when I was a kid. It was very contemptuous. Yeah. What age did that happen? Oh, so you said 10. I was 10. Gotcha. Yeah. And then my mom remarried when I was 15, maybe. All right. Yeah. Were you in that wedding?

I was in my dad's wedding. Crab walking down the aisle. Yeah. But by the time my mom remarried, I was completely, I was gone on the TUS. I was completely, I was high all the day. All the day. All the live long day. On Robitussin. On TUS and weed and TUS. Wait, really? You were doing Robitussin? He was Robo-tripping. That's what I've heard about the man. For a short period of my, from 14 to 15.

So for two years I was doing that. Really? That's a pretty long period of your life to be Robo-tripping. 700 day TUS challenge. Let's see if you can beat it out there.

did they know uh oh yeah for sure i don't think that's something you can hide so i know yeah i talk about that it's got a bad call my hour all the time you can't hide it they would come in my room and i just he's crawling on the ceiling you're trying to have a normal conversation but you talk really slowly too as you're like hey yeah hey you're like can't you're so raspy Hey.

Like Bradley Cooper in A Star is Born. Hey. He's going to look at you again. Get another look at you. I want you one more last look at you. Your mom's like, Casey, what the hell are you talking about? Yeah, I know. I just came here to tell you goodnight.

No. No, she did not, but he had two daughters, so then I had two stepsisters over there, and then my dad's wife that he married had a stepdaughter, so then that house had a stepdaughter and then two little kids.

Yeah. All right. But they my sister. So she is four years older than me. So when I got to high school, she was gone. So then at that time, yeah, it was a lot of going back and forth all the time. And I would get kicked out of their houses like every show that.

Oh, just being horrible. Being incorrigible. Yeah, lighting fires. Just being a monster. Just not listening to rules and whatever. So you were a handful as a kid. Oh, I was absolutely awful. Seems like a bit of a handful now.

Crash my car. Turn my phone off and stay places for days at a time. And then they'd be like, hey, man, like you, like what? Like party at a friend's house, turn my phone off. And then eventually he'd be like, all right, you have to leave. And I just have to turn the phone back on. Hey, sorry. And yeah, just was getting drunk and high all the time. Just had a substance abuse problem.

And they would just pop you back and forth.

Yes. Yeah. I figured that. Yes, absolutely. Where did you stay then? I like at a friend's house. Got my own condo in Boca.

yeah a friend's house with like a nice family and all that stuff and they were cool to you um yeah sure yeah they were nice well it'd just be random people for a day or two yeah okay all right but yeah when i was 14 they sent me to a rehab for nine months but i ran away i ran away after 10 days

nine months that's fucking the whole year and this is for tussin um yeah tuss and pills uh because opioids were really big where i was from how old are you yeah i was 14 i'm 30 now 30 so you're yeah that's the tail end of the opioid i caught the the 2011-2012 the tail end of the purdue farm almost got me I live to fight another day. Talk about big business.

It wasn't court mandated. My dad was paying for it. Was it a nice one? I guess. It was teenage rehab, so it was just teenagers, and we would just dig stumps all day. It was like spiritual revelation through labor. Sure. Digging stumps sucks. Oh, it was awful, and it was fruitless. It was like martyrs, that French movie, Logic, where it's like, we will break you down to where you are like God. God.

take me away from this suffering so it was like sleep deprivation we would only sleep like four or five hours a night the fuck kind of we go to passages or something yeah i would have like that's crazy maybe i would have stayed but yeah how'd you get out did you like escape or do you just i ran i ran away so i at night there was a one hour break after like a prayer time yeah

There was a prayer time and then there was like I knew it was like a Shawshank thing. I was like, I was like, OK, if I, you know, if I sneak out at this time storm. Yeah, I was like, if if I leave at 910, they won't know I'm gone until 945. And that'll give me time to fucking get some serious mileage. It's only a half an hour.

No, I was 14, so... I was a little kid. That's so funny.

Yes. Where did you physically go? It's really, really... That was super rural. That was, like, up in the mountains, and I remember somebody telling me that there was a gas station. Like, they said, you know there's a gas station, like, two miles from here, and I was like,

yeah where is it though like I was like dropping hints like trying to figure out the location so if I left next Tuesday at 9 10 how would I get there how would I get there exactly they just said take a left and I was like That's quite literally what happened. And I was like, all right, I'll take a left. Bang a left at the stump and keep going. That's nuts. So I snuck out. I took someone's jacket.

And that giraffe had to be eaten so the lion could proceed with its life. I know. They don't have grocery stores like us. I know. I know.

The first meal, yeah. Yum. Just gets that baby giraffe. Circle of life. Circle of life. You ever see those alligators or crocodiles tear up that zebra? Because what they do is they'll bite and then they turn. And then they turn and it rips off this zebra's face. The Gibson method. Oh my God. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Guys, you make me feel like I'm built like a fucking pro athlete. God damn. Maybe I had you moved a little bit too forward. Should he scoot back? You can scoot back. No, no, no, we're going to keep it like that. Yeah, I know.

Yeah, Grant, is your friend going to be out there to fix anything?

Oh, that's sad. Congratulations. Damn. Awesome. A little gross. I did. Who tensed up a little bit? I did.

I thought it was the drugs, like you said.

Oh, thanks for having me.

I rarely come to Austin, so it's nice to be here.

I always enjoy myself. Oh no, you got in yesterday and your flight was all delayed. Yeah, it was crazy delayed. I got to the airport, because my flight was at like 9.30 or whatever, and then it was like, then it got pushed back four hours, and I was like... So, just sitting in the airport, like, yeah. What do you do? I don't know. Oh, I was reading. Oh, nice. Wait, one of the self-help books?

Which book was I reading? No, I was reading a Stephen King book. It's called On Writing. It just talks about writing.

He got into drugs? I haven't gotten that far yet.

No, I love a good spoiler. I don't really care about that shit.

And that's why he wrote Cujo about the fucking crazy dog? Was Cujo on cocaine?

God.

We're on big man turf. Yeah, we sure are. We can keep it that way. It's totally fine. It's big boy hour. It's big boy hour.

How were they exposed? Wait, who said this?

Ready, set, go. Best animal actor.

Maybe Dunstan Chexen.

Was it?

Was it after the movie? It was.

That's like this dark side of Hollywood. That's what happened. Yeah. That was none since Darkseid. And then he ripped a face off.

Yeah, he's barred out. Seriously. He's doing green holes. I think Grant gave him the Xanax. He did.

He had a splinter.

What is that type of monkey? There's a Pongo Pygmasius.

As a black man. Get him out of the field. And I got two white guys.

Pongo Damascus?

Weißt du, es gab eine Schimpanse-Show, wo sie Live-Schimpanse benutzen, um dieses Show zu machen. Sie hätten Voice-Overs für sie. Sie würden actieren? Es war aus der... Was ist es, Grant? Was ist es, Lancelot Link?

Yep. Secret Chimp. That guy right there. He's driving? Yes, they can drive.

They can drive.

Yeah, I don't know why they don't want to admit it, but yeah, they can drive. What? Yeah. Yep, right there.

Er ist ein Geheimdienst.

He's doing like Mexican accents. It was 1970. 1970, yeah. So I knew I was there. But look at that, yeah.

Yeah, and I can't get one fucking acting job. Can you believe that? Can't even get the Jumanji reboot. But Lancelot Link is his fucking all the glory. I wonder if he's still alive. They live forever. They live for a long time.

Michael Jackson is still alive. Bubbles. Bubbles, yeah. Bubbles can moonwalk. Do you think Bubbles thinks about Michael often? Yeah. Because his sister went and told Bubbles that Michael had passed away. And he went...

At first I was loving the field. Now I just feel like... You know. No, I love it. I love it. No, keep the field. Keep the chair too. The field stays. We have to do it. We have to, I mean. We gotta do it.

Sie sagten, dass er aggressiv wurde, weil sie aggressiv werden. Sie sagten, dass Bubba ihn startete zu schnappen.

Habt ihr gesehen, es war ein Dokumentarfilm? Bitte, komm raus.

Yeah, come on. Bubbles can fight. Did you ever see that documentary about the crazy chimp lady? Yeah, chimp crazy. Is that what it's called?

Yeah.

She's like the crazy chimp lady. She owns a bunch?

We already started. Are you guys sure you don't want this? I look how I look. There we go. Whoa.

Look what Grant went through for a fucking splinter. You don't think a chimp eating your fucking... I'm fucking dying. I'm dying.

Yeah, I think so.

I'd be like, bitch, I bite too.

You think I don't like getting barred out? Grant, what is the strength of a chimpanzee in comparison to humans? Let me look. Strength of chimp?

Versus humans.

Das war in den 40ern.

Ich glaube, jetzt sind sie stärker. Oh, ich würde seinen Arsch schlagen. Nein? Ich würde seine Beine schlagen. Ja, einfach seine Beine schlagen und sie können nichts tun.

Ich liebe dieses Bild.

Ich weiß. Das ist seltsam. Sie machen das nicht mehr so.

Es ist so, was geht los?

Do we have a superhero chimpanzee?

Let me adjust, let me adjust. Wow, that's actually... I'm so far behind in technology that I didn't know you could do this.

Who's not real.

Yeah. We're not all able to do... We want a real chimp, not a go-go gadget fucking... Yeah.

You've piqued our interest.

Back to Marvel.

Now, is he an American hero? Let me look it up.

Yeah, I need a true American monkey hero. Yeah, yeah. That's what I need.

Who walks out of an intervention?

Now we're talking. Oh my God.

Also, it's hilarious that you would try to do an intervention for a guy on Saturday.

I think the timing was just a little off.

Maybe another day. Day after, pretty good. Day before.

Yeah, now I'm on the coffee table.

Today, I'm free.

Alright, well, let him know how you guys feel.

Yes.

We are your family, Grant. Thanks, guys.

Ohana.

I didn't get to see Stitch.

Same year.

Too old for Stitch.

You were born in Tennessee, right? Yes, in Memphis, yeah. I was born in Arizona, so I wonder if we crossed Baby Pass at all.

Like strollers crossing paths?

We're back.

Ein Junge, der zu fucking Crossfade hört oder so. Weißt du diese Band? Okay, ich mache dir eine bessere. Wake me up, wake me up, it's I can't wake up. Who is this, Crossfade? Yeah. Damn.

Das ist gut. War das das, was es ursprünglich war? Das war das, was es ursprünglich war. Jetzt fühle ich mich, ich weiß nicht, wie gut wir es hatten. Wie fühlen Sie sich darüber? Ich habe einen Schmerz oder so. Ja, ich bin gestresst.

Das ist der Grund, warum ich es nicht so groß gemacht habe, weil sie den Mann ausgeschnitten haben.

Yeah, he for sure used a straightener.

Ja?

Guck dir seine Augen an. Sie sind alle flach.

Yeah, God.

Alright, who would you be in Evanescence?

Du sahst den Plan. Du sahst, was sie tun. Ich konnte das Schreiben auf der Wand sehen.

You know, I felt the discomfort.

Literally two weeks ago.

Casey, it's interesting, you said sawdust, and meanwhile he got a splinter in his finger.

You put it off for as long as you could. That's weird, Grant. I think it's time to wrap up this episode.

Look at that. Right there.

That's me. There we go. God damn. I can figure this out. Look at this.

Wasn't it Nichols? So Grant, you're connected to... Timothy McVeigh. Weird.

Grant was a Branch Davidian.

Because they blew it up.

There he is.

I remember when they shot him. He got shot. He was just posted up.

So that's Grant's North Star. I think that's what you're trying to say.

We were like, fuck you. Fuck you, psycho. We fucked up, yeah. Fuck you, maniac. Oh, wait, wait, wait. What's the...

Was there classes on Excel?

And you were the people who all were like... Oh, wow. Look at it. They were bragging. We fucked up. We shouldn't have talked all that shit. We talked a lot of shit.

Look at this animation scale. Give them my regards.

All right, well, say who you want to say goodbye to. The Academy. The Academy. I want to say bye to the Police Academy. Yeah, they're so funny. And I'm talking about the movies because I love them. They're so funny.

He was also in It Takes Two with the Olsen Twins.

A New York Minute. Wow.

So good.

You can't write shit like that. Not anymore. I don't even think they allow that.

Das ist verrückt.

Siehst du das Bild von mir und Casey hier?

I was making all the cool robotic noises. I was like... Michael Winslow? I said, are you doing Winslow? And you said, I did it first. Yeah, I did it first.

I don't know. You put me in a tough spot. Sorry, you don't have to answer.

Alright, go for it.

Over the ridgeline. That makes sense, because I grew up in the desert, so that is the... Does it kind of sound like that? Yeah, that is the accurate noise, yeah.

Okay. Ja, ich dachte, ich habe einen großen, offenen Raum. Ich werde für das vouchen. Ja. Wer von Arizona gehört, voucht für das auch. Weil du weißt. Cool.

Es klingelt nicht, aber es schlägt.

Which one's Georgia Southern? That's...

Und dann, wenn du zur Küche gehst, sagst du, Körner!

Hinter mir, Körner.

Ich hatte diese Dishs. In Denver.

In den Applebees?

I should do that with the apartment I grew up in with my family. Hey, can I come in? That's it.

Hast du das Ding von JLo gesehen, als sie zurück in ihre alte Nachbarschaft geht? Ja. Und sie sagt, ich habe hier früher gelebt. Und der Mann sagt, wer bist du?

You can read all that stuff.

Ja, schau dir das Bett an. Das ist ein Traum.

Get your ass out here.

Also, there's so many ghosts.

Oh, ja, du hast recht. Also, glaubst du, dass derjenige, der die Geistergeschichten macht, oder nicht, er geht zu den, äh, den, äh, geheimen Orten? Was ist sein Name? Zach Baggis? Zach Baggis? Ja, ja, ja, ja.

I don't even get it. How does one get there?

She's gonna make a ton of money.

I mean, for a couple grand, yeah.

So that's the co-host and his wife tried to get him killed?

Oh, that's what he looks like now? Yeah, he really matured in a good way.

What kind of church did you go to?

Was she spinning around?

Wait. Like the girl from Power Rangers, the movie, that when she twirled those sticks and the birds flew away? Very similar to that. You know what I'm talking about?

Thanks.

What about drums? Try a guitar. Wait, no, shit. It's all guns. Yeah, it's all guns. For whatever reason.

Wait, that was kind of like hitting the tingy.

Right, fuck. See, I gotta work on it.

The Snakes. That's wild.

Wait, did you go to church? No, my mom stopped taking me and my brother to church because we were getting fights at church all the time. With your brother? Yeah, he slammed me. I grabbed him by his neck to choke him and then he threw me into someone's Cadillac and the dude got pissed. He was like, man, what you throwing in my Cadillac for? Oh, damn. Oh my gosh. So she stopped taking us after that.

And is that so wrong? No, I read a lot too, but I don't read books on coding. Mine's more self-help, so I don't go crazy. Holy shit, something freaky is fucking going on.

Fair enough. Right? And then when my white parents, when I was adopted into the white family, they, yes, they're very about church and I got sent to church camp. Oh, I said I agreed to church camp. I didn't get sent there. And then I thought church camp was really weird.

Were they like crying and holding their hands up? Yeah. Just praising. I kind of remember that. I thought that was wild. Yes. Yes. Take it. Take it all. Yeah. You're 10. You don't have anything.

And you never took a peek?

So how do you solve this one?

Yeah.

Yeah, you don't seem too scared in this photo.

So this is new for me.

Casey, for someone that didn't grow up around mud, can you explain what MRSA is?

Yeah.

And you can get in the mud?

Take me. I would not take you.

I don't think that's Casey anymore. I think that's someone else. It sounded, did you hear that? Yeah, that was like, that was not Casey. Yeah. I just came to do a podcast. Did you guys hear that? I just came to be on a podcast as a guest. I didn't come for like these like demons. Did you? Yeah. You know, I just wanted to talk to you guys to be quite honest. Grant, play that back.

Yeah, it's like, were you talking in reverse or something? So we can really hear what he said, like the Led Zeppelin Stairway to Heaven.

Who's that?

Ich habe nicht gefragt. Also, anstatt Gott dich zu nehmen, hat er dir einfach das stankige Bein gegeben? Ja.

Damn, that's fair.

I've seen the happening. How does that one end again?

I still haven't fully been explained what that means.

Okay, this, this, now let me know where you need me to adjust.

Yeah, how do you think I got that? A wooden sock trick. Can we see wooden socks after you search this?

Warum haben sie Masturbation zu Gooning verändert?

Is that the young kids right now? Change the words.

Grant, thank you for bringing... Er ist auf dem Boden, in seinem Büro. Oh, er sitzt auf dem Boden? Ja.

Thanks for having me. This is awesome. And also you got a special. Yes, I did a Don't Tell special, 30-minute special with Don't Tell Comedy. Nice. Yes.

They can find me at a Weezer concert or, you know, Chappelle Lacey on everything. Cool.

Hey, weißt du, was ich nicht verstanden habe über Jumanji? Was?

Ja, Grant ist verdammt im Hintergrund. Warte, was hast du gesagt? Oh, was ich nicht verstanden habe über Jumanji. Ich dachte, ich könnte dir sagen, keine Sorge, ich warte. Der Vater am Anfang ist der Typ, der sie schießt. Der Hunter, der britische Hunter. Ja, der gleiche Typ. Es ist der Vater. Same, same.

We could have been the Jumanji reboot. It could have been us.

Look at it, same, same.

Aber ich denke, er war in der SNL. Ja. Und Lorne Michaels würde ihn nicht lassen. Er ist ein Vertreter. Ja, Vertreter.

Er sieht einfach so aus. Oh ja. Und David Spade ist auch aus Arizona, so wie ich. Oh, kein Witz. Siehst du das? Du siehst diese Korrelation? Bisbee. Bisbee. Er kennt seine Arizona-Cities.

two right off the bat right off the bat deep cut ones yeah deep cut no one comes swinging out the gate like that come on not on arizona references and what also is the grand canyon in that arizona yes the grand canyon is yeah good job tell me grant what a pole doesn't look exactly like him yeah that's casey that could have been you In a perfect world.

I don't know how old you are, Casey, but... Just old enough. Just old enough, yeah. Old enough for Jumanji.

That's good Jumanji age, yeah.

And your birthday's in January?

How do you know that? Because he's also January. Oh yeah. He's three days after me.

I'm January 23rd. I'm 9th and 26th. Grant, you're January what?

Wait, really, Grant? Grant with a finger is January 14th. Yeah.

Finger Grant? Wow. I didn't know you were calling me this.

Oh, got it, got it.

Ist das ein Cockring für Finger?

Yeah, this one seems very peaceful. We got the little baby deer in the back. It looks like a baby. That's not a grown one yet. It's at least adolescent.

Wow, so how long were you on the operating table?

It's like a Jackson Pollock painting.

All that shit.

I think you could have done this yourself.

Ja, es gehört zu seinem Schlafzimmer. Also du hast einen Splinter in deinem Schlafzimmer? It's renovated. It's all messed up. Oh, you got the wooden toilet. Okay. We're taking it back.

It's like a weird design. What's the kind of wood? What kind of wood is that wooden toilet?

Yeah, soft balsa. So your balls got stuck in the wooden toilet and it fucked up your finger and you got surgery. Okay.

I'm still trying to understand why the tying of the finger.

So how long was the ambulance ride? Yeah.

Ich schaue viele Tiere im Wild, die sich gegessen haben. Das ist wie meine Freundin, wie wilde Hunde, die spotten wilde Hunde, weil sie die Dinge lebendig essen. Sie mögen nicht wie Hunde und so, sie schlagen sie aus, machen sicher, dass sie dann essen. Während wilde Hunde, sie attackieren einfach. Oh, okay. Weil sie schnell essen müssen, weil die Läufer ihre Essen entlasten.

Also essen sie es einfach lebendig. Weil sie klein sind. Weil sie sehr süß sind. Ja, und es gibt überall Blut.

Did he spit it out?

Maybe we should call him up right now.

Because you weren't there.

I'm here. Some of the suggestions on Reddit say it is a cat from behind.

Like a cat butt in the tail. Here again, flip it. Oh, my gosh. Or maybe a hanging bat.

Oh, wow. But I don't. Or wait, someone said like a Santa gnome that got squashed. Maybe.

Yeah, that's Reality Bites.

Yeah. Your mustache is very long. It looks like it's all sucking into your mouth.

Yeah, I remember that story as well.

I think it is, but it does look weird because he doesn't have the long hair. I'll find a better side by side. Long hair that he has?

Yeah. Hold on. What kind of hair does he have?

The Red Letter Media guys. Are they modern day? They review movies. They're pretty. They go way in depth.

Yeah, they're pretty funny. I think they reviewed each of the Star Wars movies and their reviews were longer than each of the movies.

John Boyega, Finn.

I had not. Yeah.

If you're kissable, you're getting kissed.

I've heard many such cases. And that's why the real estate market, it's not a Trump thing. It's not a Biden thing. It's in it's in the shitter right now.

The streak. Unbroken and unbeaten. Yeah.

You got to protect yourself, and most importantly, protect your heart.

Well, Sasquatch, as most of you know, are made out of dark matter, so they can phase in and out of our reality at a whim because most of the universe is made out of dark matter. So I'm sure he went into all of this, but it's sad to see that he's been taken for a ride love-wise because he seems to be on the right track about a lot of other things.

Oh, my God.

Well, it was like organized by bigger leaves and smaller leaves, and they're stapled to the walls so it looks like wallpaper.

Smells like wet leaves. Smells like wet leaves.

I look, you know, they say it all changes when you look at your newborn baby face. Yeah. Yeah. I want to look at my son and go, you know what? I'm responsible for something bigger than myself now.

You want to get a little bit of that pot of gold or you want to end up doing five to ten in Leavenworth, little freak?

Maybe we mail you something. Maybe we mail you something. Give the feds a tip.

We contain dualities, and I think for both your teams to be having a pretty dang good season is a big victory in and of itself.

Talking about she met a king. Talking about she's going to become a nun.

I fucking hate that shit. That one in the far right, I don't even know what you looked up to find that, but I never want to see it again.

You're talking about this one?

You can't sneak a riff past me. All I do when I leave this studio, if I'm not on stage, I'm reading Wikipedia. I'm reading Wikipedia. I'm getting more knowledge. I'm reading books about weird medical cases. I know all kinds of shit about Sasquatch to Benghazi. You can ask me anything. Nobody sneaks a riff past me.

You wouldn't want to walk around in this mind, Vashi Bunyan. It would fucking drive you crazy. You would end up in the loony bin. Glucose.

Oh, I'm sure.

Oh, dude, that's exactly where. Oh, my God, they love foliage. Brown recluses, you know where they love. If you have an old shed out back full of old boxes. Yeah. Come on.

They love hanging out in old, wet cardboard. God.

Parrish. That's interesting. Parrish. That's what they call counties in Louisiana. Carcosa, True Detective.

Yeah, I finished it. It's probably the 10th time I've watched it. I got my ears pierced, so it hurts to wear these headphones.

Can I feel?

Wait, did it hurt? He said, three, two, and he did it on two. And then I said, oh. And he said, it's already been done, little freak. Then he gave me a kiss. And I said, thanks, man.

I was trying to do it all week in Portland. And then we finally got an appointment at this place. They have me in the chair and she goes, oh, I'm sorry, I need to see your ID. And then I go, whoopee, my driver's license is expired. So I show her and she goes, sorry, the government comes and checks. And I go, you're run by the government? Yeah, what? Yeah, I kind of got really sassy.

So for every dollar, how much gets kicked back up to fucking NATO? Damn. But she stood her ground. I'll give her that. She kicked me right out. She said, if you don't got an ID, you got to go.

I said, hey, spilled something.

Needle exchanges, safe injection sites.

tinfoil dispensaries it's all the vaccine it's all the same but i went to some sexy tattoo parlor it was called like rocks off fucking tattoo burlesque deal i was up there on burnett road i can meet you guys there after the show but it was yeah just some sexy parlor oh my gosh and then they did it and you were scared but you went through with it yeah they went on two and then by this the second year i went i know your little tricks fucker and he still did it he went on three on the second year

Yeah, it feels good, but it hurts to have anything touch them. So these headphones are driving me up a little. And I got to keep them in for six weeks. I said, I don't even know where I'll be in six weeks. I'll probably be a father by then. Yeah.

I don't know why people keep saying that. That's what my girlfriend said on the phone last night. She said your ear looked bloody. Wait, can you hear me?

Thanks, man.

Put me back on the other ones. It sounds like I'm listening to a tin can and a string right now.

What are you saying? Hey, does it sound weird to you at all?

Hey, everybody. It's me. Yeah.

I think. Like a little tin can. Well, then I'm used to it then.

I have mysterious bruises on me all the time. Hey guys, gonna be a little late to the show today. Well, I actually fell down some stairs.

He's a leprechaun.

No. I knew the coolest people. When I was a teenager, I knew the coolest guys. And they would have a shitty Acura, and they'd have water bottles and camel crushes all over the floor, and they would have earrings and gauges. And I'm 30. I'm getting older. I'm going to have a son soon. I get to be those cool Acura guys now.

It's always cold. It's always cold. But yeah. Oh, kissing.

Look at the fancy boy, just got off work. What's up, workaholic? Yeah, looks like you're not wearing green. Come over here, dude.

He has a little dish by the front door. And right before he walks out, he grabs a little click pen.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yep. He's putting down payments on cars. He's living the high life. This is my son.

I do have Z-Bars.

Do you guys want some? I'd love a Z-Bar because nothing goes better with a Z-Bar than a Lucky Charm Street.

I would pray that the flavors would complement each other, but there's no promises. I've never tried it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I would love to have today is a Firehouse Sub. I love those things. I love them.

Yeah, cocaine and acid is really, really intense. And then you keep trying to do bumps and you're like, what even is this crap? I don't even know what this crap even means. Yeah, but you're still doing that. You're still doing it. And every time you do it, you're just spazzing a little bit more. Closer to the true frequency of the universe.

If anything happens, meet me at Party Chili. Yeah, yeah. I got so drunk on St. Patrick's Day when I was in college. I had a broken hand, which I just – I had to wear this cast for like a year and a half because I would just get wasted.

God. So I was just walking around downtown Savannah with my hair just matted down. I was just wasted, and everyone was just staring at me wherever I went. I was like, can I get a green beer?

But it was one of the, it was a removable cast.

you know what i mean like a brace basically but i had to keep it and it kept these two fingers straight because i broke both knuckles so it was just like this little this little moomoo monster guy damn it was awful and it stunk so bad i would take it off and wash it sometimes my hand still hurts to this day because i would get drunk like six nights a week Yeah. Fall down. And I would fall on it.

Yeah, and then I would go, guys, I think I hurt my hand. They're like, yeah, no shit, dude. You were trying to fight us all last night.

Yeah, if there's a thunderstorm coming, I go, guys, you might want to put some boards over the window.

They thought she was, she looked like a monster now. Go ahead and pull her up, Grant. Helen Hunt looks like kind of a pistachio.

Guys, I'm freaking falling up. Oh, no. It's sucking me out, dude. Guys, I'm falling up this time.

You have this army of rotten children, these misfit toys.

She was in something called like Hide and Seek or Come and Go or Come and See or something. Not Come and See. That's a restaurant.

Yeah, it was about people who hide in houses. It's called frogging. I don't want to talk about it. But she was so distracting looking, I was like, I cannot even focus on the big twist.

It's like an urban legend, basically. I don't know if people actually do this. Yikes.

And I can hardly raise myself. But that's what I'm thinking. If I have a little son, it's going to turn my whole shit around. You're going to see me. I'm going to look fit. I'm going to look taller.

It's about the guy who tried to break the land speed record on a motorcycle.

And we're not going to say what happens, but when he recovers, the bird visits him every day in the hospital.

He was, I mean, he was trying to break the land speed record. Sorry. So he was going really, really fast.

I don't even want to talk about this. It's, like, placed beyond the pines, but for boys, like, whose dads are injured.

Happy to be here with those I care about the most.

Come see me this week in Los Angeles. When this comes out, I'll be at the Hollywood Improv on Friday.

Bye. Bye-bye. Thanks for joining us for this week's episode of The William Montgomery Show. Send your questions, artwork, and manifestos to thewilliammcgomeryshow at gmail.com. Leave William a voicemail at 737-471-1098. And never miss an episode of The William Montgomery Show by subscribing to The William Montgomery Show channel on YouTube and anywhere podcasts are sold.

Check out William online at william.f.montgomery1 on Instagram. For more William Montgomery, check out Kill Tony on YouTube. And check him out live at the Comedy Mothership in Austin, Texas every Monday night. Find more of me, Casey Rocket, at patreon.com slash caseyrocket. Follow me on Instagram at caseyrocket.

This episode of The William Montgomery Show was recorded at Record ATX Studios right here in the heart of Austin, Texas. The William Montgomery Show is produced by William Montgomery. The anthem is sung by William Montgomery. The drums are sung by William Montgomery. The words are sung by William Montgomery. Thanks for joining us. See you next time. Who the fuck said that?

I'm trying to have fun tonight.

Recorded live in Austin, Texas, USA. It's the William Montgomery Show. Starring William Montgomery and the devious Casey Rockett. With the Tony Chin Orchestra. The William Montgomery Jr. Dancers. As always, William is joined by the lovely Erica. I'm Casey Rockett. And now here he is, the big red machine, the Memphis Strangler, William Montgomery. It's St. Pepe's Day.

I got to get up at around 7 or 8 p.m., 9 p.m. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, like what is Goofy in Exposé?

Sorry, we dropped a porcelain bathtub in your yard.

I'm just trying to kind of get a Foley, like a Foley artist kind of a gauge for.

He's talking about the guy who can eat helicopters and planes. Yeah. He can eat car parts.

Hey girls, how was school?

Oh, the one that exploded above her and it was supposed to like drop a bathtub on her or something. Is that what it was? If I'm thinking of the right thing, it was supposed to like blow up.

Lucky charms. This is a get-out-of-jail-free card for any pinching or kissing that might be happening.

Yeah, God. That is a good metaphor for the decline of civilization.

She probably thinks everything's a lorry or a boot.

Those are kind of David Bowie-esque.

Yeah. If my son was if he wore something like that, I would tell you I'm not checking the credit card statements. You go ahead. You take a couple swipes and I'll let daddy figure it out. I'll be fine.

Turning a blind eye.

Yeah. Why I want to keep track of it. There's a lot of new cars in the apartment complex.

I don't know why he's acting surprised. We've been multiple times. I don't know. That's so weird.

Whoa! It's so nice.

Wait, is he a sneaker freak?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just got a bag full of them.

They could have held, I mean, it sounds like if he's some old dude, it would be hard to get him's ass somewhere quick.

Which is wonderful. I love that.

Uh-oh.

Oh my gosh. I didn't see anything. So it was at your building or just right around there? It was like down the way.

Where he came from?

I know. It could have been a ghost. Well, if he died, I've heard stories of the last people a dead person talks to, they can haunt the person. And y'all were probably the last two people.

So if you're watching this and you're like a ghost kind of person or whatever, y'all are hearing this. I mean, that really is crazy. I'm open to talking.

He needs to complete his... Task. His journey. And then he can go to heaven or... Give me... Then he can go to heaven.

No shit, dude. Thank you, Grant.

It's a bean ghost. It's very rudimentary, but it's, you could just, I don't know, you could probably like glue them onto that sheet of paper and then it'd be a fun thing you could hang up. It's beginners. Oh my gosh. Cause you're talking about like old people dying or whatever. My, uh, my, my mother's currently doing, she does estate sales and the current one she's doing, the husband died.

And then two days later, the wife is outside and it's snowing. Uh, it's snowing and she falls down and they find her ass four days later and she froze to death and the dog was still with her ass. Did the dog die too? I think the dog was still alive. That's nice. I know, it's crazy. So I told my mom, get me some knickknacks, get me something.

Because that could be a very, that could be a ghosty kind of place.

It's like the worst person to get fucking captured. Grant, clip that.

And the wife died too. Yeah, she got in there with him. God, I bet they were warm there for a little bit, their body heat probably radiating off of one another, but then it just got too cold.

I'm going to take my pants off and show my dick one last time, but it's really cold. So I'm going to put my pants on really quick after I'm going to put a sock over it. Cause again, my penis is very small right now. Yeah. It's like negative something outside. Yeah. No, when my freaking, when I was doing the snowmaking stuff and my hand got wet, I wanted to take my glove off at one point.

I just woke up. Yeah. How are you doing this?

My hand got so cold. Casey, I didn't have feeling in my middle finger for like three months after that. Whoa. It was like a nightmare. That was the one night I cried when I was doing that job.

It was so cold. I cried. I'm at one of the fucking things. It was an especially cold night out there. And I'm fucking... They had these tower guns, they called them, which was this thing that would mix the water and the air together. And there's a big chunk of ice and I fucking knocked it off with something. And this giant chunk of ice falls on my ass and that hurt.

And then I'm thinking, oh, this sucks. And then my fucking hand got wet up at one of the things that I'm messing with. And then I just fucking walk down and end up laying in a bathroom for like 30 minutes. Feel like I'm going to cry because he was.

cold because i was desperate casey i seriously i was desperate i my hand was freezing cold i got hit by the chunk of ice i'm like tracking down the side of this dumb ass place where people ski feeling like i'm on everest but it's like some ski resort but it's nighttime desperate desperate for what warmth desperate feeling like i'm gonna die i have to keep on moving forward

Well, five and a half hours of sleep, Casey. Wait, hold on. Look at those bad boys. They are juiced up today. You're telling me you were doing pushups earlier? And you get that. How do you get them to move like that?

I'm going to fucking die out here and they're going to find me. Somebody's going to find me like really soon in the morning because it's it's a ski resort. People are around. It's not like some desolate mountain. Yeah. Was there no one around you? No, not at the time. I had coworkers around, but we would all be in different areas. It was bad.

And I made it and just laid on the ground and just tried to relax. And I think some people that were like eating dinner that night, like saw me and I'm just like, sorry, I have to lay down for a second. Like you were laying down outside? In a bathroom. I ended up making it down to a bathroom, just to an area of the ski resort.

And I just went in the bathroom and put water on my hands for a little bit. It killed me. Even just cold water killed my hands. And I just laid down. And you said, I'm so sorry. I'm just so effing cold. Yes, I am so fucking cold. So step around me and go pee or whatever, because I'm not getting up right.

Just look for everybody the next day and nobody's missing.

Yeah, yeah, because that's going to be a weird story to have to tell the parents. You're going to have to come up with another story about where y'all were and fuck. And somebody's probably slipping up. Maybe. I don't know.

Maybe not.

You could die, dude. I know. People die of hypothermia for less. And by the way, Casey, it's so interesting you said the thing about keeping your circle tight because Grant, don't you kind of, you almost famously messed up with your circle, right? You let somebody a little too close too soon, didn't you? Yeah, you like really messed up there for a little, right?

What happened just inviting too many people into the circle?

Yeah, what is a lotus position? It's literally like a plank where you're on kind of like your elbow. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So they're still with us, but just out of the circle.

What happened? Y'all just didn't get along ultimately or something? They violated the rules. And what are those again?

Is it about Chef Boy Artie? Grant, I remember y'all's song. Do you?

And that's what their boy did. He's showing up tardy to fucking stuff. Too many times. Wow. So you had to boot his bitch ass, huh? I mean, punctuality is a core rule. Would you let him on to your podcast if he called you up today or whatever? He's like, let me on as a guest. Would you let him on to the crawlers?

What do you mean that one? How many more do you have going right now?

Do I look like Giga Chad? Giga Chad. And also, Casey, I swear to God, you know what I'm reminded of right now is the Rizzler when he's doing his face. I swear. That's like a really good... How are you even? Hold on. I'm looking at that. How are you doing that? I look kind of good. Oh, you look real good. I look kind of like David Hasselhoff. Yeah. On Baywatch, like early 90s Baywatch.

And then you get like your t-shirt off the lamp. I could use a glass of chocolate milk. Casey, if you are making chocolate milk, dude, how are you doing it? Are you getting, is it out of a carton already made? Are you getting like 2% or whatever kind of milk and like Ovaltine or something?

I think it's stuck. You're kidding, Casey. Wait, your smile. Wait, your mouth. Yeah. I think your mouth stuck. Reach over there, William. Help him out. No, no, no. Wait, Casey, you're OK, dude. Hold on. It's not stuck like that. Oh. Oh, thank God. Holy shit. I look a little handsome. I got a haircut yesterday. It looks nice. It's looking very good.

I know you told us you were going to get a haircut. Where'd you end up going? I went to this lovely little boutique. Oh.

I think that's a good way to put it.

That's what I would be thinking. I'd be thinking, you got to tell me. I'd be thinking, wait, what? Hold on, there's all different, because there's different kinds of entertainers.

Yeah, because you would almost think, but exotic dancer, you might not. Oh, my gosh, it was so funny on Monday. I was with Red Band, and I guess it was in somebody else's. And Uncle Lazer's ass and like his girlfriend or somebody who I guess does porn or that's what Red Band was saying. And then it was so funny. Red Band said something about me. He's like, yeah, he used to do porn.

And then it was so funny. Red Band and I lied to this girl for 20 minutes. Yeah. About my name is a Memphis Strangler because I used to strangle these people. And then she was asking me questions about like what percentages I'm getting from the different websites. And I'm just it was the funniest thing. And then it was fucking Nick. He threw me under the bus and he says he doesn't do that.

I had her going, dude.

Yes, it is. And it was real close. And I almost it was real close. And then it's like somebody always got to come in and fuck it up like that.

Yes.

Get out of the yard. Stay out of my face. Because you know what comes next and you're not going to like it. You're going to be on the ground in two. There's going to be two hits. Me hitting you and me hitting you again. And then you're hit. Yes. And then you're hitting the ground. Set your watch. It'll be two seconds. Press start and then press stop when you hit the ground.

It'll be about two seconds, dumbass. So quit messing with us, the big dogs in here.

Wait, so that was more than five hits, wasn't it? I think I announced that it would be six. Okay, six. Wasn't that more?

Oh, for sure. And you're frazzled. So that's why you should know not to get up so quickly in a freaking RV because you are going to bump your head.

But the guy's like, I got to get out of here.

He's coming after me.

And I don't see this stopping anytime soon. Yeah. So get me out of here. But then you bump the head and then it's like, oh, fuck. Hold on. Did he hit me or that? I bumped my head and then it's game over. Oh, did he hit me right in the top of the crest of my head?

What was that? Ow.

It gave you like inner ear problems or something.

Oh, really? Yeah. That seems like an expensive way to be doing it at a restaurant.

Yeah, just the classic Hershey's syrup. There was one with like a rabbit on it.

What, the thing about hitting the ear? That seems like a good way to stun somebody because my mom gets the, what's it called where your inner ear's messed? Vertigo. And she can't even get out of the bed.

Oh, wow. Yeah, I mean, that could really, if you get somebody with vertigo, dude, that could be, it probably immediately sets it back to vertigo season. Yeah. Vertigo season. It's vertigo season, bitch. It's vertigo season. I can't get out of the bed, dumbass. That's right.

Nesquik. He was good. That also was the syrup and the powder.

Yeah, look at that. Yeah, Kenny Chesney, what, he didn't look like a cowboy, did he? What do you think, Grant? Maybe a little. You want some more photos? Yeah, please help. Please help.

Oh, well, I was thinking of Billy Ray Cyrus then. Yeah, no, they're everywhere we go. I remember that one. Yeah.

You had me at powder. Oh, yeah, you get a bunch of that powder, you put it on some freaking vanilla ice cream. Oh, wow, you've done stuff like that? Woo! I grew up, Casey, man. There are certain things that I think I believe you'd be proud of. If you could look back at my life with, like, a camera and see what old William was doing.

You could do that to him. Just fucking take his shirt off. Just be like, okay, all right. No, not take your shirt. He needs it on, maybe.

And I swear, Casey, I was thinking about this recently when we were at the Margaritaville dead in Orlando. And I swear, I think my time is correct. when they dropped the full thing of money behind us when we're just getting our volcano nachos or whatever, and they dropped the entire thing of money from the register behind us, I think that's when Jimmy Buffett died around that time.

So it was just like a weird, like, is this maybe the end of the restaurant doing good or whatever? Like, it was right around the time he died. It's just so weird. Well, you're talking about the money. They dropped a bag of money?

The register drawer. It's like they were switching out for their shifts and they happened to drop it right behind us.

It was the loudest thing. And then I'm like, what do I fucking move my chair? What do I help y'all pick up all this change? It's like everywhere. Was it like a big, big noise? Is it like a big, big noise?

It was horribly startling. And we had just gotten the volcano nachos. It's like trying to hang out, trying to chill down in Florida. And it's like a fucking... It sounds like a... I'm going to stop myself there. But it sounded like a loud...

Oh, you thought maybe it was a mass shalalo. Mass shalalo. I was thinking maybe mass shalalo because it had been a while since whatever. And by the way, there was a very weird mass shalalo in Virginia Beach, Virginia, Casey. When I was in Virginia Beach, I did a little research when I was there, as I do a little bit. Sure. And there was a crazy mass shalalo. Can you edit that, Grant?

I'm not even kidding on that one.

It was some guy who was fed up with everybody at his work, and he got... He went postal. Went postal. And it was a bunch of people. And I wanted to go see the memorial, but apparently it wasn't open. So it's like, seriously, it's like a Saturday. It's like, what the... You can only see it some days? Yeah, it's like Monday through Friday or something.

It's like, this is a memorial for a horrible mashalali. And it's like, we need a... I should be able to see it, but I couldn't. What was it? What was the memorial? And why did it have? It was at the building and it was like a freaking.

And one of those things would be when I discovered when I was, I think I was making a glass of chocolate milk and there was a bowl of ice cream. I was also drinking ice cream or eating the ice cream and I was doing the powder and then some of the powder got on the ice cream. It was like an invention? Yeah. And then I'm like, oh my gosh, wait, is this going to taste really good?

It had like diffusers or whatever. The things you see at like a cracker barrel, like with the oil diffusers and it had a freaking like little waterfall. Shillelagh.

It would be funny. There's something funny with talking about a MASH shillelagh and calling it that the whole time and never... Like, that is funny. That's funny to me, Kyle. It is funny. That's, like, ridiculous.

You'd have to get a bunch of good details. It'd have to be very detailed, and you say mass shillelagh a bunch.

Ooh, that one's got a, yeah, you can swing that around. You can twing that swing. I couldn't, my head was in Jamaican time. Jamaican time. Wait. Island time, bitch. Island time. Wait, is time a weird word to say? How do you say that one? Try that one. How do you say time?

Yeah, that was maybe a little better.

Island time. Wait. Oh my God, that's sounding Asian. Yeah, I'm off. Fuck. I'm getting off today. This is not good. You're getting off right now. Ugh.

And then I ate it and then it's like the light bulb goes off. Huh? Yeah. Wait, this can get on ice cream? Taste hack unlocked?

That's funny.

Were you like standing up or on the grass sitting down seeing the dude?

Some giant person in front of you.

Dude, what a taste hack.

Gosh, with some big-ass dude in front of your fucking ass.

But you're here. Casey, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, man. You survived that shit, dude.

And then the guy. And then the guy, too. Yeah, well, I was going to say, but we're not talking about the beans. Yeah, when you said beans at first, I'm thinking, wasn't there a guy in Even Stevens with that name? Yes, his name was Beans, and he was so funny. He was, and he had a fun look to him. I wonder what his ass is up to.

Yeah. I mean, I can't now because my stomach, dude. It's like I do do one day, don't do the next. I know. Raisin bran. I know. You got to. Look at that. That looks like one. Casey, that's what it looks like if you get the powder on vanilla ice cream.

you can't even look him up now yeah i tried google and he's scrubbed so that's weird it's like that was at a government he has started working with the government or something because i know government ends up getting people in show business sometimes oh yeah well they took they took his identity it's like the departed situation they delete they deleted him from the system god they deleted beans from the fucking database dude

Look at that, man. I mean, and he was starting to do so good. He was like a data analyst or data scientist or something.

Yes. So I hope you like it down in Guantanamo Bay or one of these other places, because that's where you're probably going to live for some amount of time. Yeah, you're going to end up in a black site like Abu Ghraib. And think about this right now. You're not going to make it in Abu Ghraib. OK, there's no way you got people blasting music at your ass the whole time.

Music you don't like just 24 seven. People are tickling you. People are doing all kind. That's what I've heard. And that would really get me because I get so ticklish, Casey.

Yeah, stop. And then I felt like a little bitch kind of because, as I said, I watched Reservoir Dogs for the first time in a long time. And I'm thinking, man, I'd squeal after they put a little feather on the bottom of my foot. This guy's getting his ear cut off. Like, dude, toughen up a little bit, William. What's going on, man? Yeah. But I don't like laughing too hard.

Like, I love laughing, but if it's too hard, I start feeling insane.

Mine happens to be that. It's like the weirdest thing. It's like embarrassing.

Dude, on my feet? So you're talking about even under your neck or under your arms, you're not laughing? Okay. Toes? Whoa. Look at that sexy, sexy picture.

Yeah, it looks kind of like dirt. It's not that appealing, but it's pretty good.

Weird.

Real strapped down.

I got to look it up, but it might just trigger me in weird ways or something, just watching people get tickled. Because, yeah, that dude's not even moving. Like, at least with me, I'm never really tied up. So you can squirm around. I know. Imagine that, getting tickled raw.

No, I can't, because laughing is a good thing, but if you do it too much, it can be weird, and then it's like you don't want to laugh sometimes after that, at least for me.

Yeah, Grant, why are you trying to insinuate weird stuff right there? Please, dude. Come on. We've done a good, it's been a fun one today. It's the earliest one we've done in years. It looks wholesome. I'm sorry.

Island time. Yeah. Well, I'm looking at the picture a little more. At least they have that looks like sweat bands or something around under his armpits. Because, again, that is a tickle. That's a ticklish spot. That's a ticklish hot spot. Yeah, that's a hot spot for tickle shit. Well, no zone.

I don't know. Maybe that's off limits. See, it's like right there. Is he having a good time or is it not now?

Oh, I loved that.

Is it a possible thing to be able to, is that a thing?

Well, don't get stuck in the hypnotized state. Isn't that a problem? Because I thought hypnotists, like you end up doing a clock or something and then you get out of it. What if you get stuck in a hypnotized state?

Okay, so you have something that's getting you back out.

What is that? So what does the totem? You hold it?

Oh, okay, okay, okay. If I ever did that, I could do it with my Winnie the Pooh Squishmallow.

That would be a good one for me.

Grant, do you have a Squishmallow? Do your daughters like Squishmallows?

So cool. That is brave of you guys to do that on the Vageland Strip, dude.

I thought maybe you were joking.

Yeah, we thought you were, like, kidding about that because we brought it up like we like it, and then you act like you did, and then it's like, eh, is that genuine? I know. Where do we draw the line? It's like sometimes he's just blowing smoke up our butt or whatever. It's like I love it, but then sometimes it's like, eh. But you do. It sounds like you really do. Yeah.

Because I was about to say you're more than welcome to practice on my ass, but that sounds dangerous. So please maybe don't actually if it really does. Because I was about to say, oh my gosh, do me. I don't care. Practice on my ass, dude.

So you do it on somebody you don't like.

You get his ass? Yeah. Caleb, would you tell him to like walk off the house? Yeah. For something or how do you how would you get?

Could you imagine walking down Fremont with Modest Yahoo on, just fucking walking to meet up with your buddies?

He's been a very polite boy, as one might imagine. Good. You would hope so, because that'd be a scary. I can't imagine because I don't like heights, Casey. So if I wake up and I'm at a fucking plank on the side of a building and I see a fucking drone with a message for me, I'm like, wait, this guy means business. I got to listen to the message. Sure.

And indirectly he's probably sending a lot of people to heaven.

God needs bringing me all these good souls up here. We need more of the good souls up here. A lot are going downstairs.

I don't know. What does he have to get, a head wound? Isn't that a thing? There was something like that, right? Yeah, there's like a head wound, and I'm thinking, God, well, is that Mr. Donald? Because he got that head wound. I'm thinking, is his ass going to be the Antichrist? Yikes.

Maybe I'll use my mesmer for good. Yeah, you could do it in some with different political, whatever political side you're going for, whatever. Yeah, get it to advance.

Yeah. What was that? Modest Yahoo doing that or like a buddy he had because it's just that one song.

Yeah. So cool. So what would you have to do? You'd have to get her on the telephone. And then once you got her on the phone and she starts hearing you talk and then you kind of got her. So it has to be person of face to face.

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, uh, Which is what? Yeah, I mean, yeah, I was thinking about the mesmer thing. I think it would be, I think, yeah, I was just curious how it even works. Why are you asking me that?

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

Okay, so that's, and then that's when you can, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't want to sit in the back. Because you got my ass then, but yeah, then you got to get her ass.

It's got to be. I can't get over the fact that he looks just like, what's the flash? I can't. The Ezra guy. Looking like Ezra Miller. God, that's crazy. And we need to talk about Kevin Reed. It shows what's his name? Dr. Steve Brule.

Okay. And Tickle. And we gotta start with Anthony Whiplash-Margensen. Watch Tickle, dude. Ashley Belfield. Asalon. Avery's her suit. Bomb. Beef Benhashen. Daniel Hunter. Danja Foxx.

Destiny A4, Dingleberry Harry, Duongles, Kiss on the Lips, Dovah King, Dr. P. Dugan, Eli Slugworth, Gators, Godmother, Goldie Mae Starr, Grant's Worst Nightmare, Hurley at WMS.lol, I Love Big Macs, I Poison His Big Mac, Tricks on Him, I Am the Big Mac, Jenny J, Jess, Joe Kive, John Shaw, Justin Threckle, Captain Chaos, Casey's Moms.

Kyle Heath, Larry, Lawyer Joe, Little Miss Becky, Nigel Nigelson, Nissan Pappy, Papa Coon, Patrick Casey, Robert Bushell, Robert Bushell, Ruby Jewel Sparkle, Shana Shinakaya from the Big Island, SatRack, Sergio Shiva, Steve Fournier, The Gaming Crooner, The Wizard, Trina K, Vanderweed,

Vicious McFisty, White Magic, William and Casey the Cats, William Geeran, William Ramsey, Worm Drive Show on YouTube, Choose Your Own Adventure, Zombie Warlock.

And as always, Anthony Whiplash-Margenson. Anthony, we love you. We love you, Anthony.

John C. Reilly in the backyard with the freaking arrow in his back. Ezra went off on that one. Yes. bow and arrow silent bye bye yeah nobody can people are just seeing bodies drop and then it's like what was that movie Erica where somebody got hit by the arrow and it's very startling the 10 Things I Hate About You. No, it was some weird new movie that we watched. You've probably seen it.