Cate
Appearances
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
And she was drinking at the visit and I didn't want to call it out exactly right there in that moment, which I've learned through therapy wasn't the right thing. Wasn't? Wasn't. That my therapist said you should have stood up right in that moment and said, hey, listen, if you're going to drink, you need to leave.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
Not in front of her. Maybe pull him on the side. In the vicinity. As soon as you see it happening, you speak on it. Right. But my thinking in that moment was, I'm going to wait. We only have one more day. And after this visit, I'm bringing it up to her. Okay. And so after the visit happened, we said our goodbyes. The next morning, I woke up. to a text message from my mom's mom.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
And she was basically going off on me saying like, the way you treat your mom is disgusting. This is before I even said anything to my mom or anything.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
Dude, she just said all this nasty stuff to me and everything. And then so I was I literally just woke up, got that. So then I reached out to my mom. I sent her. I said, your mom's fucking crazy. And for two, I don't appreciate you. I called her out on it. And I said, I do not appreciate like I let you into one of the most intimate things in my life.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
And, you know, my boundaries and you did it anyways. And she said, well, I didn't think it was that big of a deal because other people were having drinks, too. And I said, they're not the alcoholic. They're not the one that traumatized me. And one of the reasons why my child is where she is, because I didn't have any support. And so it just it really blew up. But I think I need that.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
I needed to feel what it was like to be strong and to not rely on her for anything, you know. Yeah. And that's when we didn't talk for like a year. And so now it's just very slow moving and it's for the kids and same thing, like Tyson, not wanting to have any regrets with, with his dad.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
I don't want to have any with my mom either, but she needs to understand what I will tolerate and what I will not anymore. Absolutely. You know, and I stand firm in that, but if, Again, if there's a safe way where the kids can be involved and she can be involved, then I'm cool with that.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
But I kind of hated myself in a sense. I felt like a part of it was my fault at the Carly dinner. Because there were so many times before that where she knew my boundaries and she would do it in front of me and I would never call it out. And so I think she was so used to that pattern. Of course, she's going to think, oh, I can do this and she's not going to call it out because she never has.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
She's been to multiple family weeks when I've been in treatment. She knows what she has done, you know? Does she ever acknowledge any of it? She has. Yes, she definitely has. She's acknowledged. She's apologized. She's, you know, all of the things. But, you know, I think one of her problems is too that she doesn't do all the therapy for all the shit she went through as a kid.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
And if a month later you're cussing me out and saying bad shit about my husband again. You were never really sorry. Exactly. Yeah. Because at that point it's a choice. Like you're choosing to do that. And my clause came out with that too. It's like, how dare you? This man has supported me through everything. My whole life, basically. We've been together for 17 years.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
I have four beautiful daughters with this man. And if you think that I would stay in a relationship with a man that controlled me and I just listened to everything that he said, you're out of your fucking mind.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
My mom and I did have a conversation. Yeah. And she was pissed. She was pissed. And you know, my mom is very abrasive. She says hurtful things. She, you know, but then once she got all that out, she kind of got to the point of like, I'm so sorry, you know? So I let her have her moment of she's pissed and I'll fuck them. She's just very blunt about all that.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
And then she turned it around and was like, I'm so sorry. You know, like, and I mean, it's, yeah, it's just, it's always something.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
And you know what's so funny is like I grew up in so much chaos my whole entire life. One of my biggest dreams was like to have my own place. And it be safe and calm and nurturing. And so it's when I have chaos around, I tend to now just want to go home.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
You know, I want to go home to my safe zone because I never felt safe as a kid ever.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
My dad – Is he also an addict or no? No. No. My dad has always worked really hard, all the things. Of course, when I was growing up and I was younger, like a lot of my child memories are with my dad. I don't have a lot at my mom's house. All the ones being little, my moms are very traumatic, but with my dad – But they're separated. They were always – Yes. They were divorced? Yeah. Okay.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
They were never married. My mom was 19. My dad was like 20 or 21 when they had me. So you grew up living with your dad most of the time? No, my mom. I lived with my mom. So why didn't you live with your dad? Because they separated when I was – before I was even one, I think. But if she wasn't stable and she was an alcoholic, was there ever an option for you to go live with your dad?
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
I know my mom and dad went to court when I was – Ten? Maybe a little younger than that. Yeah, eight, nine, or ten. My dad fought for a few years.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
No, before he moved to Florida, yeah. But my dad, he didn't do everything right. He very much so got into a relationship with a woman who was very toxic, gave me a lot of my self-confidence issues.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
She was very mean to me, emotionally abusive. I mean, there were some physical things, but not like hitting, but other.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
Would tell me that I was fat and overweight and I couldn't eat certain things. This was your stepmom?
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
Are they still together? No. But they were married for like 11 years. Oh, that's a long time. And so I was a kid.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
But I was going, yeah. And I would go to my dad's every other weekend. And my dad would pick me up from school every Wednesday. And it would be just me and him. And we would go on a lunch date or whatever.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
Um, my dad is very regretful in the choices that he has made and he has apologized numerous times and you know, I forgive him for that because he has shown me actions, you know, he makes it a point to be in my life. He calls me once or twice every, every single week and we'd have, you know, we talk on the phone and, um, there was action after his, sorry.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
Like there was like actions. And so I really have, you know, I've forgiven him for that. Um, are you his only child?
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
I have a brother. Why am I just now learning this? We don't have, none of us have a relationship. It's actually really sad. Yeah. Even your little brother? No. And he was the one I was closest with. So what it is is on my mom's side, it's me, I have a sister, and my youngest brother, Nick.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
And also too, like when stuff is aired about us, we can go into the facts and this is what happened behind the scenes that the cameras didn't air or they didn't catch. And yeah, we can just kind of explain it more clearly.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
I have, yeah. So on my mom's side, it's us three. It's me, my sister, and my brother. I'm the oldest, my sister's the middle, and my little brother's the youngest. On my dad's side, he had a son when he was like 16 years old. Um, he's four or five years older than me and I didn't meet him until I was like nine, eight or nine.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
Um, I remember waking up one day and this kid was there and I remember him looking over a bunk bed and I was like, Oh, this is your brother. Yeah. So, like, the trauma.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
So, I guess... Have you ever said this story out loud? Yeah. Have you? I mean, I feel like I have.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
Probably only Tyler. I was like, dude, what? And the sad thing about my brother is... He lived with a very not mentally well mother. She was a teen mom, obviously. My dad was 17. My dad didn't know that he had a son for many years, found out he had a son. This just keeps getting worse. Yeah. My brother now is very – it's sad.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
He's just – my dad has nothing to do with him, wants nothing to do with him because he is – mentally ill as an addict and all of the things and you wonder why. And I feel bad for my brother. I was, I built a relationship with him when I was like 12, 13 years old and I fell in love with him. We were so close. We, you know, talked all the time. He lived with my dad actually for a while.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
for a few years when he was growing up and then he got to the age of 18 and my dad said, his wife basically said he needs to get a job or he needs to leave. And my brother ended up leaving and it's just been very toxic for him. But, and then on my dad's side, there's a little brother and my stepsister, Amber. which was my dad. Don't you also have an Amber?
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
Okay. Yeah. But my steps, my stepsister is my dad's toxic ex wife's daughter. Got it. Um, but her and I, it's funny cause I don't have a relationship with any of my siblings except for her. Yeah, and they're divorced now, but I still... Ever since I was, you know... I think I was like three and she was four when they got married. So my whole life, she was my sister.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
I think being older is when we've gotten way closer. When we were younger, we used to fight and, you know, like sisters would and stuff, but...
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
My last, you know, our last name and everything. Do they still have a relationship now? Oh yeah, they do. That's my dad's daughter. She has a daughter. That's his granddaughter. You know, she... She doesn't have a relationship with her bio dad or anything. And so that's all she has known is my dad since the age of four, you know. But her and I have a very close relationship.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
But her mom was so, like, disgusting to her that she said one time her mom – looked at her because her boyfriend broke up with her and she said to her something to the fact of, you're just jealous because all your boyfriends want me. Like, nasty. She's one of those narcissists. She is the loopy. Like, she's... When you meet this lady, it's almost like she's fucked up on pills 24-7.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
She's airy, out there, says weird shit. Like... It's just been lots of trauma on that side. But my sister has nothing to do with her mom. She can't stand her. She has cut her out of her life completely.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
She does nothing to do with her. And her and I are the closest. We're not even blood related.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
And some of my siblings did like my sister on my mom's side. She was an addict for a long period of time, addicted to pills, addicted to cocaine. Okay.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
Yeah. My oldest brother, he, he has an addiction problem. He's actually been sober just going on two years now, most recently. Um, and I like applaud him for that. Um, and, My brother on my dad's side, the littlest one, he's definitely addicted to weed, you know, so it's like. There's, yeah, addiction runs rampant on both sides of our family.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
That's why we have to be very careful when we talk, you know, we talk to our kids openly about all the things.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
And honestly, I'm like, if this is trauma bonded, then I'm glad I'm in it. But we've all, you know, but, um, I think, and I don't think people understand, but before cameras came around, you know, and ever caught it, caught us where we were at in our lives, uh, Ty and I, we did bond on a form of just like, damn, like your life's crazy. My life's crazy.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
And we, but that's, that's like bonding over the traumas.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
And also you can ask Dr. Mike Dow. Oh, yeah. Wait, who's that?
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
Oh, for sure. Wait, what does it look like? I've never done it. I'm too scared. What does he look like? When he came home, he was totally fine.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
Can you explain what that was though? Like you literally saw your older self.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
Wait, you can't get addicted to those things? I think people can get addicted, but I think what he means is it takes... So much mentally and emotionally and physically. I haven't met one. You don't want to do it every single day. So it's not sort of like... Micro dosing is different.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
Yeah, so it was us and a big group of friends, and we lived in our trailer, which was shown on TV. Yeah, we lived in our trailer, and we were all like, all right, we're going to take it, not knowing that it takes like an hour or so to kick in.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
So then all of a sudden, we're like, well, let's go. It hasn't kicked in yet. What does it look like? It's just like a little piece of paper, a little square piece of paper, and you put it on your tongue. And it didn't kick in for a while. And we're all like, well, we should probably like eat before this kicks in, you know? So me and my friend Casey, me and Casey go. Oh, yeah, that's right.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
Me and Casey go to McDonald's to get McDonald's for everybody.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
And I'm sitting in there. And I remember looking out the window and saying, Casey? And he's like, yeah. I'm like, the clouds are moving. He's like, they always move. I go, no, dude. Like supersonic speed clouds, you know? And then we get back to the trailer park. It has hit everybody. We had McDonald's. Nobody ate shit.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
Because you can't eat nothing. And it lasted for seven hours. I was so paranoid. I was hiding in the bedroom in the dark. I thought I was going to sleep. You hated it. Hated it. I'm like, I need to go to sleep.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
Oh. People were laughing in the living room and I felt the laughter. I felt the sounds were vibrating through my body, dude. Like vibrating.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
When Casey dragged me outside and I was like, this is beautiful.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
And I have a vivid memory of sitting on the couch, still paranoid, and Tom's looking at me like, it's just a drug, man. It's just a drug, man.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
You have therapy sessions before you even do the ketamine therapy.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
No, you've done it twice. You did one in Michigan and then you went with Dr. Mike Dow.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
I came to visit at the end and we had a session, me, him, and Dr. Mike, about like what he found out about himself and us even came up.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
At your own discretion. Yeah. And some people say like, hey, I have to go and do a session like every six months. Or sometimes you get to the point where it's like, oh, I only do it once a year or once every three years.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
Yeah. But I mean just the statistics alone, it's literally curing people's PTSD. Curing it. Curing anxiety and depressive orders. Soldiers who couldn't listen to fireworks. Yeah. Like it's literally curing it. And they have proof, like statistic proof of it.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
And sometimes I brought up to him like, do you think you're having a manic episode? Do you think, you know, because there's times where out of nowhere he can't sleep for months. Yeah. And he struggles with it. There's times where he's just angry and doesn't know why.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
And so, and I don't blame him as a wife and he's, you know, when he said, I would personally love to try all of the natural resources there are to me. I said, I support you in that.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
Like, I do not blame you at all. Now, I'm different. Medication saved my life. Absolutely. Yeah. You know? And I still take it to this day, and it absolutely saved my life. Mm-hmm. If I wasn't such a bitch and scared and have anxiety, maybe I'd try some ketamine. No, that shit scares me, because I like going back to anxiety. I like to be in control of my body.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
That's your own stuff. Mm-hmm. You do what makes you feel comfortable.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
The question is, do you ever freak out about that? I don't know how you are on time, but... Freak out about... Oh, I don't care. Okay, do you ever freak out about one of your children becoming an addict? Yes, I think about it to this day.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
All addicts are trying to numb themselves from something.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
But you know what also too is sometimes people can have trauma and they speak about it and people look at them and say, how, that's not even that bad. How's that trauma? But to them, it's the most intense thing they've ever experienced in their lives. Even if it seems small to us or we're like, what, really? To them, it's the biggest issue of their lives or one of them.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
Right, you're only sick for four years, but a person could be like, no, that ruined me.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
That's why in treatment they always say, don't judge people for their trauma, because trauma at the end of the day is trauma. Even if it seems small to you, it's big to them.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
But if you're talking like alcohol, heroin, cocaine, like hardcore drugs, I mean, 9 out of 10, I'm like a major intervention lover. Every single episode you watch, it's either divorce, it's a sexual abuse, it is not having their parents. It's always linked to trauma.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
Yeah, because through my therapy, there was stuff that came out that I was like, wow, I never would have looked at that as trauma.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
I think that my whole life was that way until I started therapy. No, it is, right? I was like, oh, I thought this happened to Ellen. Yes. And there were some things where I was like, holy shit, like that is traumatic as hell. And I needed therapy to really realize those things, you know?
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
And sometimes our parents, like my mom hasn't, maybe your mom hasn't, but they don't go to therapy to figure it out. what was it for them either? So then sometimes they don't know. I don't think my mom's ever been a therapy that I know of.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
And also I think from a young age, I always had a drive of
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
my kids will never have this I'm going to do like I always had that thought process I always wanted to be a mom and I wanted to do things differently so I just lived by that I feel like you're given two paths when you grow up in households like us it's either I go down the same path or worse as them or I do completely opposite yeah I don't I think
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
it does it does podcasting can be like therapy right so where can people find your podcast and where can people find you on social media kate and ty break it down it's all of our social medias um tiktok instagram twitter um anywhere and um spotify apple anywhere you listen to podcasts well thanks for coming on barely famous thanks for having us
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
Um, with my mom now it's, is she sober? Um, I don't know, but I don't police it enough. All I know is that I gave her strict boundaries on the fact of, I don't want you drinking around me and I don't want you drinking around the kids. And you know, you're an adult. If that's something you want to do, just let me know.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
And I know not to come over or I know that you want to have some drinks and I will come pick my kids up or whatever, you know? Um, but it's very, We've been through a lot. We went through a lot, like, on this past season, and I cut her off for, like, a good year. I just couldn't take it anymore.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
And now it's kind of slowly progressed into having conversations, and she comes over to my house and sees the kids, and honestly... Who opened that door was Nova. And her and I had this conversation and she just said, I really miss her. I really miss my grandma. And I was like, well, fuck. Like, is there any way that I can do this in a way that makes me feel safe and I know my children are safe?
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
And so... My mom has come over to our house a few times for like barbecues and to see the kids. And there's been like two or three times where I'll drop the older two off of my mom's house just for the day. I'm not comfortable with overnights yet. And she knows that. I let them hang out for a few hours. I go there, pick them up, bring them home.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
Like whatever makes me feel safe and comfortable, I'm okay with. And I think that's maybe what needed to happen for my mom to realize like I'm not doing this anymore this back and forth the me not speaking when I'm uncomfortable or I'm showing up and you're drinking and I don't say anything and I stay but I'm anxious like I'm not doing it anymore for myself and
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
So it's been slowly progressing into a relationship, but I'm just literally taking it super slow.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
And I've noticed like she reached out to me and said, hey, I would love to start doing like a weekly thing. I come over once a week. We do dinner or we make pies or we do...
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
Yeah. And it was nice to just like jump in and go full force.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
Because I made a promise to myself. There's been many times. And I feel like, you know, When you do grow up in addiction and you're so used to policing the environment so you feel safe, like... you know, she would start drinking around me or whatever. And I would just, I would just shut down. And I knew what my boundaries were to myself. Like get up and say, Hey, I'm leaving.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
I'll see you in a few days or whatever you're having, you're drinking. I'm leaving, you know, but I wouldn't, I would sit there and I would just, he's like, I could physically see your body turn inward.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
Instead of just dipping our toes wet into little things. It was, we came here and it was like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
oh my god now i gotta emotionally monitor her and make sure you know so eventually yeah so for me it just got to a point where i was like i'm not i'm doing myself a disservice yeah like by not sticking to my boundaries and so i made a promise to myself that i was i'm never doing that again i will call it out every time i see it and so my mom and i had a conversation about that um we met up for lunch one time and had a conversation
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
And I laid out my boundaries again. And that was after we didn't talk for like six months. We met up, had a conversation, and I just was basically like, we can move forward, but these are my boundaries again. And this is what I will not deal with. Fast forward like a month or two after we had that conversation, it was the Carly visit was happening.
Barely Famous
Breaking It Down With Cate & Ty
And my mom and I, you know, we're kind of still going through it a little bit, but we were talking and stuff again in the mending process. Yeah. And so we had the Carly visit and two times during that visit, she was drinking. At the visit.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
No, just watching TV. You're really... Like watching TV and he's going on these tangents.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
I do not. I watch Alone, Naked and Afraid. I watch Intervention. I watch.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
So Tyler is not so much that part. Okay. He can say what happened during the day and whatever he's frustrated about. And I'm like, oh, my God. Wow, that's crazy. You don't have a conversation. It's more or less when he's on like cloud nine. And let's just say. And he all of a sudden is like, you know.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
so you know it always starts off with that first of all and it's always like so you know uh we are all part of the star we have scientists have found out that we are part we have stardust in our genes and we all come from the stars because the stars explode the stars were up in space so actually we're a part of the stars and our ancestors are part of all the stars and do we actually have stardust in us
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
I'm exhausted myself. I love the self-awareness. I hate. But then I found out that he used to do it to his mother when he was young. No. And that's where it started.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Did it hurt your feelings when you did it to your mom?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
You know, Ty and I, we've known you for years. And there's been many moments where it's just been us and you. And we've talked about deep things. And you're just a very authentic person. And, you know, so I was like...
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Or no, we're going to do the Did You Know's.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Self-help. Not even self-help. It's more like awareness. History.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Knowledge is power. Brain. How does the brain work? Think about things. Very science-y. Yeah. And I'm not into science.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
I think what it is is because he always complains that I watch boring TV and there's no, like, plot and twist to it. To me, I'm like, I am a mom for so many hours a day, and when I get the four hours to just do nothing, I don't want to think that hard. Right. You want to watch brainless, cell-less.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Oh, I can shut it off. Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
So yeah, I like to watch just stuff I don't have to really think about.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Read. Yeah, same. We have two of them at home because Nova is Tyler to a T. The animations, the mind, the thinking. I love that, though. Yes, I do, too. I love it about her.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Yeah, same thing. She got out. I told Tyler this. I said the one day that he usually does the morning stuff with the kids and gets them up and gets them ready to school. And I always do the nighttime routine. So that's how we split it. Yeah. And so, but the one morning he didn't sleep well. So I got up with the kids Nova six o'clock in the morning. Her eyes are still closed.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Hey mom, did you know that we all have stardust in our stuff and dinner? No, what he exactly? Yes. No, Tyler. And I was like, Oh my God. I just woke up.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Yes. And I told him, he goes, wow. He said, but that made me feel so good because she's just intrigued about science. Like she loves science and she really absorbed everything he said. And she was so like in awe of it. Passionate about it. And in awe of it of like, you know, she looks up at the stars now and she's like, can you believe like we are, our ancestors are a part of that. Our ancestors.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
so it's funny because some some days it's just like both i'm like sitting over there and both of them are maybe he should do the nighttime routine so that he they can talk you know right oh yeah i mean i don't know no trust me okay you want to switch you want to switch no are you sure no i'm not a morning person oh dude
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
No, you know where I think that comes from? Have you ever read the book Daughters of Alcoholics? No.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Life changing. And it resonated with me on so many deep levels. So many of those pages. I highlighted everything in that book that really stood out to me and like I could relate to. And I think that children, you know, children that are raised in alcoholic homes, we just subconsciously take on. And you were the oldest, right? The only.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
OK, so you take on all of the roles of like monitoring alcohol. How your parent is feeling because we don't know how they're going to react. We don't know what kind of state they're going to be in when we are there. They're very unpredictable. So we have to take all of this stuff in and kind of control our environment and make sure everything goes smoothly and nobody freaks out.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
And I definitely took that into my relationship with Tyler. There was lots of times where he would like joke around and I would take like offense to it like, oh...
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
That's what we're doing. I'm your safe.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
You would have succeeded in that.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
That's like never going to go away. Right, right. But I also have worked my ass off. I was going to say, and it feels like they take it away when they're not seeing what you have done to really, like you said, propel yourself to bigger things.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
I mean, who doesn't? Who doesn't?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Meet in New York City, hanging out, you know, like I do. Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
I didn't know what was going on. Really? You were going to? Hell no. People were like, what? That wasn't our first thought. Honestly, it was more or less like, you know, she's really good at what she does. She's a friend of ours. We like kale. You know, like, I'm going to ask her some advice. Yeah. And then eventually it progressed that way. And I said, we would be stupid not to.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Right? You know, like people who truly love us and are actually really good people and aren't using us to get something wouldn't go to the media, wouldn't sell things, wouldn't, you know, publicize things.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Because none of them ever, like their motives never changed. Exactly. And it's super hard when you're on television or just in the spotlight at all to make new friends because I don't trust people.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
She said the same thing, how people were reaching out to her and companies were reaching out to her and saying, Hey, we'll pay you this. We'll pay you that. And she's like, and that was never part of like what I would want to do. She was like, it was just more of, Hey, we're not talking. And that's what it is. Like she was like, it didn't bring any interest to me.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
And she said it actually bugged her a lot that all these people were reaching out to her, wanting her to talk about things.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Well, those people I feel aren't really true friends, obviously. Right, right, right.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Well, it was authentic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you've always been like that. So I was like, well, it'd be stupid not to do all of this.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
You know what I mean? When I'm sitting here in a home with all three of my kids and they have food and they have toys and they have all the things. They have more than enough. Yes. Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
and so if there's ever a time that you guys want to ever that's beautiful come together to do something like that like we do it every year for clear the list like back to school and also for christmas yeah for the teachers yeah ty and i are very like i do um i've done adopt a family well and i do it for like thanksgiving dinners people think that people just everybody can have a thanksgiving dinner that shit's expensive yeah and i've taken nova with me where we go and we get the food and we take it to the person and it helps me bring the groceries in and
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
But our friend, though, like we helped her, you know, we helped her get a trailer, but she paid us back like in that was the thing she wanted to do all the time. Yeah. You know, and she every time she got taxes, she sent us the money, you know, and it took her six years. But I'm fine with that.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
And my first thought is obviously you are not an adult because you're reaching out to a child. Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Friendship Fallouts & Controversy with Kail Lowry
Because you don't have the family and stuff like that too. Friends is your family.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Yeah. We all knew. She's obviously, she knew, but she didn't tell anybody. She'd get really mad at me when I would say like, you know, internalized homophobia is very real.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Yeah. And it's almost one of those things where it's like, I, uh, I always tell her all the time. Cause she beats herself up a lot. I'm like, listen, like, I don't think you understand the strength it took from the age of four. to have to fight that in like your whole life. Like, and she had a lot of struggles, you know, in her adult life later on.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Yeah. It was a big part of it. And when I asked her, I said, do you think, um, being, you know, closeted was a issue that led to you having all these other adult issues? And she said, absolutely. Like it was, it was the driving force of all of her trauma and everything that, that comes along with it. And it was just like, so I never heard anybody like that.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
It's interesting that that was like, I didn't really know. I was like, wow.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
What's up Becky? What's up guys? What's happening? How are we? We're great. Yeah. We don't really know who you are, but that's why we're doing this. What's a better way?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
You're saying immaturity wise.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
And that makes so much sense. They went through that kind of crazy period. The age that normal people. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. It makes a lot of sense too, because she, uh, She had a problem with it. I'm actually the one that was like, listen, because she went to jail and she braided her hair and she got it. And then she had my jeans on.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
And I said, just put your hair.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
I said, put your hair. I swear. I tell her, me and her laugh about it all the time.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
She's like, dude, I wore those jeans all the time. And she put her hair in a bun. I said, it's here. Why don't you wear my hat? Yeah. Once she wore that hat and had my, I swear, it was like, it was like nothing was in her way. I'll never forget.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Oh, shit. You did marriage boot camp? Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When she did tell me she, uh, you know, she, I could tell she was like, almost like, listen, I'm going to tell you this crazy thing. I'm like, I know. She's like, thank God. Oh my God. She started laughing. She said, I'm so happy that this is how it is.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Like, what do you mean?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
That's good.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
You know what I mean? So you sound like you're blessed with the people around you.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Oh, really? So you're saying five years you guys are not friends because you didn't like the people she was around?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Yeah. These people. Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Right.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
You're saying marriage boot camp.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Yeah. I think it's right for you to acknowledge it to her and say like, cause people need to hear it. Cause honestly, I feel like we have a similar, like, you know, just going to therapy and just learning about yourself. And so when you do all the work and it's nice to get validated from someone outside, but Hey, I see it. Yeah. Thank you.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Cause I've been blowing my eyes out for doing all this shadow work. It's hard. Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Like I make it a point to reach out to all my friends at least once every two weeks. And I just say, how are you doing? Yeah. And it's funny because, uh, one of my friends wrote me and said it. Hey, like, how about, how are you doing? And I was like, whoa. I was like, you know, you're the only one that asked me how I'm doing in years.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
And it's not that I expect them to, you know, return the favor, but it's just one of those things where it's like, if I have a sense of like, I haven't heard from them in a minute, how are they doing? It's important just to, I think checking up is like one of the best things to do.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Yep. And I meditate and I'll be like, listen, you came across my conscience today. I just wanted to reach out and say how, you know, what's going on. And then sometimes they'll be like, oh, it's good. Sometimes they'll write you back a novel. Like, oh my God. You never know what someone's going through. So I just feel like checking in on people is super important.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Thank you.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Which is wild. Already met multiple times. Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
So do you think that IVF could benefit from maybe having, like, a psychological department? With each IVF, like, facility or whatever you want to call it, they have, like, you know, a counselor.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
I mean, there should be some kind of psychological like. Just support. Just support. Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
How long have you and your wife been married, though?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
I know. I don't even know you, but now I know you. I know. I love it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
It's funny how you mentioned how, like, she's more of a homebody or whatever. Yeah. Because I feel like we were similar. I was always like, let's go. I'm going to go talk to people. And she was more like, dude, I just want to, like, chill in my house. Yeah. Please don't put me in that situation. And then now I'm like – I'm like, I'm on her. I'm on her. I'm on her. Now it's more.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
And I'm like, hang out at home and I want to do anything. But isn't it like such a peaceful thing? Cause you, you experienced the party and all. Yeah. But now it's like, wow, this is really nice.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
I'm not thinking that. I want to sit down. I want to know everything right from here. Yes.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
I don't have to sit here like, I didn't get to experience all this stuff.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Especially because now that it's like, it's like, you can almost just, this is what, this is how our life is. This is the process that we're in. And it's like, what a, almost what a beautiful way to introduce like everything. It's like, this is, it's like, this is what's going on. And this is what, this is what we built like this. For sure. You already done your stuff.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Where was I?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
You partied, you got a lot of your system. And now it's like, now I'm, now I'm family life. And it's so like. Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
That's why me and you always talk about like, if team mom ever tried to shift over to like housewives kind of shit or anything, because we always say like, listen, like, I don't, we don't have to do anything meaningless. I want purpose. I want, I want a moral compass. for sure.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
So we were like, we're like, listen, there has to be a bigger reason for why we've gotten this a hundred percent undeserving spotlight. Like we don't know why this happened, but here it is. And so let's not waste it. Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
So,
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
yeah and it's clips of your life it's like it's little you know consumable clips that are right just like a fraction and they're also picked out by somebody else yes there's so much more not full thoughts yeah there's so much more also it's like me and kate done so much work behind the scenes like just with therapy and just just couples calendar all that's growing getting older yeah and it's like that stuff we have a spotlight let's just before it fades let's let's get all that out there which is really why we wanted to
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Start this whole podcast in the first place. Yeah, that's beautiful. You know, people have been telling us to do it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Do that.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Absolutely. Absolutely. I feel like everyone's got something going on. Oh yeah. I always try to filter my, even when I'm feeling myself being judgmental, I'm like, wait a minute. Like, all right, there's something going on. I don't know about it. There's, you know, there's always something deeper going on.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
I must have been home with the kids. Yeah, you weren't there.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Even with the people who are the most cruel and vile, like you're like, okay, this is coming from somewhere. So I feel like.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
But I think staying curious is important.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
I mean, you gotta stay curious about your own healing, your own journey, other people's. And I feel like this podcast and this platform is kind of like the perfect,
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
I'm like, you don't gain anything by being around people who agree with everything you do. Like that, that is
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
literally the the definition of being stagnant like you'll never evolve and if you're not evolving you're just losing like you're you're really dying so like the whole point of this is to evolve until i can't no more and it's like that should never be like it's kind of like inhibitive because you're surrounding yourself by people who i don't i always say i want to be the dumbest person in the room that's yeah i want because i want to surround myself with people who are wiser more experienced because like what do i have to gain if i'm around people who are like
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
But there's healthy bickering. Oh, for sure. And I feel like that's actually important to do that. Oh, 100%. Let's venture. Let's go back and forth about our opposing viewpoints. That's interesting to me because I feel like without that, there's no growth. None. Then I'm like, if I'm not growing, I might as well just die now.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Oh, I bet.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
And when you think about it, it's like a big giant party for everybody else. Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Oh, so we only had one kid.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Yeah, I think we can agree because we have like a I mean our families are crazy. So yeah friends become your chosen family Like it's your try. Yeah, I chose my tribe. I was born in the city But it's funny you mentioned how people like question you about like well you guys have been engaged one Why are you getting married? And so we were engaged for what nine years long long Wow.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Yeah But I also proposed when we were we still have braces. Yeah
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Driving a van that started with a screwdriver. Yeah. So we were. Good old days. But yeah, so it's like, but people always ask us all the time, like, why are you not getting married? It's like, we just listen. We got engaged. I'm like, hey, I promise. I love you so much. Don't want to be with anybody else.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
yeah but like what's what's the rush yeah literally deal and honestly all the stuff that we went through in the nine years i'm glad it happened while we were engaged and like i always say that yeah like it's like but people have a weird like like why you just get married it's like dude calm down yeah and how how lucky are we that we've been together with our partner for so long that we've
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Wow. Okay. So it's been a minute.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Yeah. I know. I'm like, what the hell happened?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
We're lame because we'd rather just hang out with each other. Yes. Just like chill.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
I'm not ashamed of the fact that we are best friends, but I also feel like how do you not be best friends? How do you not be best friends with yourself? I wouldn't want it any other way.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Right.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
So as long as you're a nice person and cool, I'm good.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
And I think a hundred percent, a hundred percent of the fact that you don't settle. Right. Like if I, and I see me and her talk about all the time that we see so, so many of our friends, family members, it's like the more and more I'm seeing that there are just so unhappy. Yeah. And like, but they, it's just weird how it's like, why are you doing this to yourself?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
I don't understand why you're settling. Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
And then people will always say stuff like, oh, well, you're, maybe you're just too codependent and you're too enmeshed. And I'm like, bro, if this is codependent, I'm rocked. I love it. I ain't mad about it. Like whatever. But I think it's funny because people will always say stuff like, oh, well, Do things separately. And it's like, we do. Yeah, for sure. But we just prefer to do stuff together.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
We'll see what the internet says. That's good. That's good. Okay. So first off, since I don't know anything about you, how did you... Where'd I come from? Where'd you come from? How do you know Kale?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
So what's the problem?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Would you just laugh and they're all talking about it?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Yeah. Give us the down low.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
So you're saying back when you had the boyfriends in high school, you didn't ever feel... It just felt like that's what you were supposed to do.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Did you feel like it was an expectation or a pressure?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
You didn't really. Okay. Yeah. It makes sense. Cause that's kind of like, it's interesting cause that's the first time I've heard someone that had a story like that because my best friend, uh, Ashley, she, she, I knew she was gay before she ever came out.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
Yeah. Never had boyfriends. And she, uh, and she had the thing where like she slowly started to be like, Hey, can I borrow your jeans? I'm like, yeah, finally.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Meeting Becky: Being Kail's friend, her coming out story & the grueling IVF journey
And then, like, so her whole thing was, like, she always knew. She's like, I knew when I was four years old. Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Well, and like you said, it comes from just people being uneducated about postpartum depression. And then also, you look at it now, I mean, now we're, you know, as we've dug even deeper about the adoption stuff, I never knew that... you know, first moms or birth moms, they have a way higher likelihood of having postpartum depression when they go to parent their children.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Um, and of course, now that I'm like older and think about it, I'm like, of course, that's totally logical. Like, how could you not, you know, uh, your body remembers all the stuff that you went through with this baby that you placed. Of
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
subconscious shit yeah it was just like your body remembers the score yeah your nervous system like yeah because even after we got married and stuff too i still had it like people think that postpartum depression is only for a few months or it only and it depends on the person it can last up to like over a year with some people some of them longer yeah and um there's
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
very much different degrees of postpartum depression, too. I think mine was just, like, anxiety.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
I mean, that's definitely how it was. Um, I think I couldn't feel anything. I was just there. If that makes sense.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
That's like, I remember when my great grandma died and I was like, Yeah. Neutral. Yeah. Very neutral.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
You don't have to worry about, you know, people figuring out who you are or whatever.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Well, don't beat yourself up too bad about it. I mean, we all didn't know what was going on.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
So I know like you were talking about what you wanted to talk about certain things that happened on the show. I was thinking about talking about like mental health stuff.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
a change of thinking or mind eventually because it wasn't even documented. But I mean, when you came up to our room, you know, um, when I was upstairs laying in bed and you just said, something's wrong. Are you okay? And then they gave me the freedom where I just broke down. I was like, no, I don't think I'm okay. Like, I think something's wrong here.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Right. Something's gotta change. Well, I remember you were the very, you were a driving force to being like, we're going to go see a psychiatrist. Like there's people you can talk to, you know, all of the things because, and also I feel like that's, it was a blessing that I had you in my life during that time because you, your mental health journey started at a younger age.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
So you kind of knew about seeing, seeing psychiatrists and therapists and things like, things like that. Mine literally just smacked me in my face. I was like 20 or 21 or something. Yeah. And I never experienced anything like that in my entire life. So I was like, what is this feeling? This is scary, you know? So, And you knew kind of the steps to push me in the right direction to help myself.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
I mean, it does. You hear these stories on the news of that one, you know, the one mom killing all three of her kids and jumping out of the window trying to kill herself. There's been a newer story, too, about this mom shooting all of her kids and then shooting herself. And they're all linked back to postpartum depression.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And it's because there aren't enough resources out in the world to help women. I mean, you go to your doctors and you answer, like, a test. And if you still...
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
comes up that you feel like you have postpartum they're like here's some pills but nobody directs you into like here's you need to go to therapy it's normal it's okay here's support like there needs to be more support for women after birth yeah
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
I mean, it might be a little less because you haven't heard of therapy and shit. It's hard as work.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
But, but I don't think people realize too, when you talk about being the other person and watching your person that you love too, those people need support too. Like the caretaker, you know, the, I didn't know about it at all.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
shit. And it was like 10 months. Yeah. Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And I think... Yeah, like I said, I vividly remember you go to your OB, answer like a little spreadsheet, yes or no questions, one out of ten. And they're like, oh, you're okay, or oh, you're mild, or oh, you're severe. And it's like, well, here, go, you know, you have to get on Zoloft or whatever. And it's like, yeah, okay, but... What about support groups or psychiatrists or just counseling?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
I don't know because, I mean, when I was in treatment and the doctor there was like, I think you should know, do you want to do genetic testing? And he explained it to me about how, yeah, you don't have to do the guinea pig stuff and you find out what works for your body. I was like, abso-fucking-lutely.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Yeah, my insurance wouldn't cover it, but I was like, I don't care. Like, that's important to me. And then I got the results back and he was like, you were on 200 milligrams of Zoloft and your body was only metabolizing like 20, 25 milligrams. And I was on the highest dose and I was like, oh my gosh, it makes complete sense.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And even with him, he was like, of course, you're still experiencing all these things, even when you're doing therapy and stuff. And so...
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
They weren't gone. And now we know why. And then when my results came back that the medication I was taking wasn't even working for my body, we switched my medications, all of that, continued on with therapy. And honestly, it literally changed my life.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Changed my life. Because now I'm on the lowest dose of an antidepressant medicine that you can take. And I don't feel like a zombie. I still have emotions and feelings. I can still have conversations. And I just feel... Honestly, it saved my life, I feel like.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Yeah, it really... It changed my life, for sure. And I think, you know... it's been a journey for me, but I feel like it, people are always, you know, I see people say like, Oh, you're, you were so selfish and you left Tyler to take on everything. And I'm glad you were. And yada, yada, yada.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
But I, my whole thing too, going into it though, was like, if I'm not a hundred percent me, I can't even be nothing for my children, let alone my husband or myself. Like I want to be the best that I can be, you know?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
I had to do it. And believe me, it ain't no fucking vacation or walk, like a cakewalk when you're at those places. There was lots of tearful nights, tearful days, clinging onto Nova's little stuffed animal all the time. You know what I mean? Because you're working, it's very intense.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
very and you're missing your family and your family can't always come to for visits and you know fuck I was there for fucking Christmas when you like that shit sucked Thanksgiving you know what I mean like it fucking sucked but I knew I had to do it for myself so that way I could be 100% me to then show up as a wife and as a mom um and It was scary, but it definitely... It changed my life.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And I've commented or even said stuff to people before where I'm like, oh, okay, so Nova could have a mom that was gone for six weeks, 12 weeks, or she could have a dead mom.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Well, you could tell that I was okay. I was getting my shit to... You're good.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And it wasn't about... Which, by the way, he actually spent the night at my house a lot. He couldn't leave. Ha! I was like, I thought we were supposed to be, like, separated, and you're still coming over here every night. I couldn't help it. I can't help it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Well, no, but I just felt like also, too, it was just very, like, weight-driven. Like, the whole story was about, like, my weight. And I'm like, why is this a subject? Especially when I just had a baby, mind you. Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And I know it was hard for you too. Like it was a hard thing, you know? Um, but I feel like I was like, if you feel like that's something that you need for yourself, um, then do it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
I was like, he loves me. But I do remember there was a part of me, like when I was at my mom's one time and, um, my friend showed up at my mom's house and I remember like crying and I was like, What if he divorces me? Who's going to want to be with somebody who has two kids? I was so scared. Remember how I would most of the time be like, you're going to divorce me.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And you deserved the time to – I mean, yeah, because me leaving put a lot – On your shoulders.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
No, it makes sense for your own mental health.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
It was longer than a week, but you would come over and spend the night.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And then we're talking about weight. Like, that's not good for any female.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Well, I feel like it's important when you were going through that just to feel like you needed to do whatever was necessary for your own self.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
I think her therapist just deep down hated me, honestly. No. I do. I always got bad vibes from her. Really? Yeah. You did? No way. Swear. I was like, she is fucking warping his brain.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Yeah. That's why I'm just a weak-ass bitch.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Right. Because we... And honestly, we have sat down with very, very smart professionals and asked the question if we were trauma-bonded, and we got the word, absolutely not.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
We need to get him on here and talk to us about trauma-bonding. Yes. So everyone knows. To put the record straight.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Because he was like, absolutely not. The bad trauma bonded is when you're like abusing each other and be, you know, just very toxic things.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
So it's like, okay, so if you're going through something hard and I'm supporting you and loving you and doing good things for you to make you feel better, that's trauma bonded. Okay.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Oh, that's interesting. Like we said before in previous episodes where we would say stuff and they're like, that's interesting. We're like, what? How? How is that interesting?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Like I said before, and people will hear me probably say it a lot on here, is like, well, I sleep good at night next to you. And I enjoy our cuddles and our snuggles. So, you know.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
This year will be what? 18 years. Yeah, and we've done a lot of work throughout all of the years, you know? So, of course.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Right, like, do we have disagreements? Of course. Can we talk about them? Of course.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
No, I think the only fight I can ever recall was the one time... Do you remember that?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Oh, no, I think I was pregnant with Carly at that time, wasn't I? I don't know. The only one I can think of, so, yeah, is that one when I threw the keys at your face.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And then the other one when we were drinking, though, this was before kids or anything, drinking.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Yeah, and we, like, got in a fight in Ryan Terhune's car. And then I was, like, walking down the street.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Yeah, and then you were chasing me, and then we got home. Home back. Got home, and then we were arguing about, like, who each other followed on fucking Facebook.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
By the way, we were not drunk driving. We had to drive.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
We have a conversation and we always come to a conclusion. I think me and you are...
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
both the same in the sense of like i would i cannot go to sleep without having a fucking conversation and coming to a conclusion even if that inclusion is like you can do it but i just don't agree with it or whatever but i cannot can like i gotta figure out a solution right now yeah and i think it's important because it's like one of those old cliche things but don't go to sleep mad at each other that's a legit thing well that's my personality though i wouldn't be able to just sit next to you in bed i'd be like i'd be like
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Just sweeping the shit under the rug. It's always going to come back up and bite you, by the way.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Absolutely not. One thing going back to mental health, though. I do remember my first psych class in college, learning about... how if you're going to have a mental illness um it always typically comes before the age of 22 when you will have like a mate like that that by that time if you pass 22 it's like way less likely for you to come and have a mental health illness or whatever
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And I remember being so mad that I fucking didn't make it one year. I was like, this is some bullshit. It had to be handed to me right at fucking 21. I mean, I look at my childhood and shit, everything that I went through, adoption, all of that. I'm like, of course, how could I not? Fuck. But I remember being pissed about that. I'm like, wow. If it would have just waited one fucking year.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And I don't think people realize that it literally I've never experienced anything like that in my life. And then to literally be woken up out of a steep sleep with the I thought I was having a heart attack. I went to the hospital three times, made them give me EKGs. I didn't know what the fuck was happening.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
It was it was bad. But thankfully, years and years out of it. I'm glad that I went through what I went through because now I'm so freaking self-aware. Like, I can tell to a T, like, oh, I need to call my counselor or, you know, like.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Yep. I got to talk to somebody, process this with somebody.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
It's all about learning and growth and, you know, learning about what tools you need and all of that.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Thanks. Well, thank you for being there for me.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Let's just hope Nova doesn't carry any trauma from that.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
In one way or another, right? In one way or another. Okay. So.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Yeah. I do have one more thing to say about it, but I don't know.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Well, one of my things is what also is like fucked up with the world. We talked about postpartum depression and there being no, you know, like not a lot of things out there for women as far as help when it comes to that. I think another really messed up part is if you do not have money. I know. And you have a mental health illness, they want you to stay sick. Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Because the amount of money that I spent out of my own pocket for my mental health is ridiculous.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
So they want the poor to stay sick and poor, and they want the rich to stay mentally well and rich.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And that's horrible. It is. Any Joe Smoe from the walks of any part of the earth that is struggling with mental health deserves to get help.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Right. It's like, oh, of course. And what's an awkward spin on it? It's like, why? I wouldn't really be talking about this while I'm eating dinner.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Because like I said, Nova could have a dead mom.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Or a mom that had to go somewhere to put in some work.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And I don't think people realize that. Like, I literally was at the point where I was like, I cannot live another day like this. Like, I would rather be dead.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
When in fact it's like, no, I just have a bunch of shit in here that I can't figure out on my own, but I need to figure it out. That shit should be free. There was a few times where I was like, I'm about to go check myself into the loony bin in New Baltimore. You were like, absolutely not. I'm like, well, I need to go somewhere. Shit. I need a sticky grip sock vacation in the fucking hospital.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Padded room vacation. That's where I was at. Straight up. Tell you what, this sounds good right now. I need a 72-hour hold. No, I'm just kidding. Oh, shit. So I did get some unlicensed advice questions. Okay.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
I love it. Okay. So I wrote down four different questions, but one is how do you have a relationship with a toxic parent without getting hurt?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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Yeah, how I needed to be held accountable because I do need help with those certain things.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Yeah. Like for instance, so with my mom, you know, I had to create boundaries in order to make myself feel comfortable and safe. And my boundaries with her is just don't drink around me and don't drink around my kids. If you're going to drink, let me know ahead of time and I'll say, all right, I'll come over. We'll get together next weekend or whatever. I'm not saying you can't ever drink. Right.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
You know, because then that's me trying to control her.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And make yourself feel powerful in enforcing it. In doing it, yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And unfortunately, too, I think to other advice for this person is... You know, if your parent is not respecting your boundaries, then you might have to step away for a while and just say, like, if it's her still hurting you in a sense, then and they're not respecting what you asked to make you feel safe.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Then I think you need to kind of cut ties with that person temporarily or permanently or whatever feels right to you. Yeah. And kind of reevaluate after the fact.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Um, okay. I have another one, another one that said, um, how do I talk to my partner about not being satisfied in the bedroom without hurting them? Hmm.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Right. And just go into it. Maybe go into it in the fact of like, we're going to make our sex life fire.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Right. So I, cause it is hard. I can understand.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Yeah. So I can get where she's like, I don't want to hurt his feelings or make him feel inadequate.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Oh, I couldn't, yeah. Do you know what I'm saying? I understand what you're saying, yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Cause there might be things he's not telling you.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Well, you got to be real and talk to each other.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And, like, so when I saw her question, too, I was like, how? Well, like, what would I do in that situation?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
I was thinking, like, if I was in that situation, like, when we were getting it on, I'd be like, oh, like, talk even in that sense when it's happening. Like, oh, when you do this, it feels really good.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Or, oh, that hurt. Don't do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or, you know, because you don't have to be, like, silent.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
It's, like, quiet in the middle of being intimate. Like, speak about what feels good, what doesn't feel good.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Or you're just like, oh, I don't really like that. I don't like that.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Okay, I think we have said that before.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
I guess it would have to lead you into conversation. Why? Yeah, why don't you like that? Yeah, why? Why don't you like that?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
So there needs to be some honest communication happening.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
So that way you have options to like, well, so that way you have a very productive conversation about the issue.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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I'm like, Oh yeah, not help me at all. So I'm not doing it right.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
I think the biggest one that I see the most is people always play that scene where you're like, well, I don't want a heifer for a wife.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And then you have a mediator where you don't have to feel like you're hurting his feelings or something, you know?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
All right, so the last one that I thought was good, and obviously this person is wanting to go about this the right way. I wasn't really, it's kind of a hard one for me, but they said, I'm wanting to adopt, but we are struggling with trying to find the most ethical options. In your opinion, do you think there's any ethical adoption? Hmm.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
but they don't know the backstory of it. Like, it's not like you met, it's not like you were saying that I'm a heifer. I'm going to be a heifer, you know, but I feel like that's how people take it. Like we, we joke around shit like that all the time. Like you always say like, well, I'm sure you wouldn't want getting down and dirty with somebody who's got a big old beer belly.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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Because a slave probably shouldn't adopt.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
So yesterday I was speaking on a live with a few adoptees that we talked to. I was on live with them. And then also this birth mom on there, or not this birth mom, this adoptive mom that's on there. And her herself, she said, you know, she adopted her son recently. It was through like foster care stuff. But she even said in turn, if she could go back, she would even do things differently.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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And she said, I would do like a legal permanent guardianship. She said, because then his birth certificate would have stayed the same. A lot of his rights would have stayed the same. But I still would be considered like a parent to be able to make all the decisions for him. But and I was like, wow, that was very shocking to me. And I was like, I'm very proud of you for saying that.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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No, I know. And I forgot I did. I posted another like what juicy juicy secrets thing today. And, um, because I always think it's so fun to like, yeah. Uh, And I forgot to look at it. I posted it this morning.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Because even she, you know, and she is a very open adoption person.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Right. And so I thought it was interesting, this person that wrote, she's like, she's not finding any ethical options. And it's like, because... Because there's not.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Right, or is it just to become a parent?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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And then it also just reiterates what adoptees think. Like, oh, they saved me and I need to be grateful.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Or start the process of it. Yeah. Because it's got to be very painful.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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Or be like a very great foster parent to help their biological family get on their feet and do the parenting classes.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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Well, right. Because I don't like TikTok and stuff. They'll edit it, you know.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Yeah, because my first thought to her question, I was like, well, permanent legal guardianship. Yes. That's the only way that I see it being ethical. Because then that gives the birth parent some rights, too, and some protection, and also the child.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
So that was my thing that came to my mind. But all right, guys. Well, thank you so much for joining us and listening to this episode. Make sure you like and follow everywhere that you can listen to podcasts. And we just, again, appreciate all the love and the support that we've received. And it's been fun.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
All right. We'll talk to you guys next week. Have a good one. Bye. Bye.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
You'll never be able to live that down.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
No, I do not think that you called me a heifer.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
great yeah so glad because i remember thinking like you don't like there's no way like i hope that never came across like i was calling you people must really think that i'm just like some abused pushover you don't know that blows my mind i have no clue because as far as just like how we talked in the last episode about you forcing me to do an adoption now you're calling me a heifer and i just stay with you what the fuck like do people must really think i'm like a weak bitch
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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Well, and I think for me, it was just like, why is this? I just don't understand why it's becoming the whole part of my life. My life is so much more than me, like wanting to lose weight before I get married, you know?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
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yeah something something happened yeah but yeah but i do i do recall though like i had my gestational diabetes on point you did like yeah i was very because it scared the shit out of me do you remember when i went in there i was like crying like oh my god what are we gonna do i can't eat chicken strips with ranch like that was my shit you know but so no i was very and um
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
So I really like that, you know, Tyler and I, we can create polls and ask you guys questions or, you know, we really want to do a segment called like unlicensed advice because we're both not therapists, but we can kind of give you what we would do in a certain scenario or situation.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
So at that point, when I found out that I had gestational diabetes, I was, like, so anal about tracking stuff. And my sugars were so good. And I ended up not gaining any weight after that because I was so, like, it scared me.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
That's when people, like, play, like, seem to take it in. But it wasn't like that. I was concerned.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
I was going to say, you're more or less concerned for me, my well-being, and the child that is ours that I'm carrying.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
You're a very like, I know you, you know, so it's like they don't. Right. And I know you on such a deep level where, you know, you're very blunt and very just like, oh, you know what I mean? But I know what how you are. And also people don't see behind the scenes when I'm like, shut up, you fucking cock. You know, like, you know what I mean?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Like or whatever I need to say, like you're cocky as fuck. You know, or I come around and fucking shove my finger up your asshole, you know?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Like, it makes me cleanse up. Well, yeah, it would be very weird if you liked it, you know?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
I don't know. But, yeah. Some guys probably like that. Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
And I saw somebody's comment on it was like, can you just be my unlicensed therapist forever? I was like, that is funny.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Yeah, and like you said, maybe your delivery was wrong, you know?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
I mean, I can see, like, how people could internalize what you said in a different way with your delivery, yes. Yeah. But you know, so that's what I'm saying. Like, I know we've been together for so fucking like, do people forget that shit? Like, we've been together for so long that like, I just know you as a person. And I know that. And also, too, like, I know your heart.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Like, you're not the type of person that is going to want to say degrading things to me because you love me. Yeah. And vice versa. Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Probably not. And people are still going to always think that I'm a weak-ass bitch.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Well, if you watch the clip, you don't say, you're a heifer. I don't want you as a wife. You said, well, of course I don't want a heifer for a wife. Like, that's different. Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
I've seen that clip recently. Did you see it?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
See, like there's already some good anonymous secrets. Yeah. I might have to pull those up at the end. But for later on in today's episode, I do have some of your guys' questions that you wanted unlicensed advice on. So we'll talk about that later. And just so everybody knows, whenever you send something in, I always keep it anonymous. So that way, you know. Yeah. It just keeps people private.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Yeah, it looked cringe. And then I thought about my, ooh. And my dad was like saying stuff and his girlfriend. Yeah. I was like, dude. And I think I was just irritated with the whole thing.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Isn't that funny, too, how you see clips and stuff that people post, and you're like, I don't even remember filming that. Never even know that what is filmed.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
I think it's crazy because yeah, like I, you know, people ask me questions a lot about the postpartum and stuff. The weird part for me was I didn't even know that I had it until I was out of it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Yeah. It's wild. Like when I was going through it, I just was going through it, I guess. But when I got out of it on the other side of it and looked back, I was like, oh, wow.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Yeah, and I was very – I also was like – I don't think people realize, but that was in the beginning stages also of my mental health decline. That was the first time in life that I've ever experienced anything with mental health.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
Yeah, any massive panic attacks out of nowhere or anything. So I also was on like a massive high dose of antidepressants, which is crazy because it didn't even help with the postpartum depression. Yeah. Um, come to find out, you know, years and years down the road when I did a genetic testing, found out that that medicine wasn't even working within my body.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
We're "Trauma Bonded" and We Like It
So it makes sense why it wouldn't help the postpartum. Cause it wasn't even helping me mentally.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
I know. Well, I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you to everybody who has liked our show, subscribed to our show, left comments, rated it, reviewed it, listened to it. The first few episodes have done very well, and it just makes us even more excited to do more, don't you think?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Yeah, we are. And yeah, uploading to Patreon has been real fun. Yeah. So I have been commenting to people like on our TikToks and all of that. Like, hey, you can watch it here because people have been curious about that too. But I think this week, I know that you and I wanted to jump into a little bit of...
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
And it was very rare that I ever even, after the fact, posted pictures of her. It was like once every few visits I would, but it would always be the back of her head where you can't... Because I followed their boundaries of not showing her face. And I completely understood that. And I feel like they...
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
In turn, gave me a little piece of like, oh, that makes me feel good because I can share her a little bit with the world.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
But and so, yeah, I feel like we came to a very good understanding with that.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Right. Yeah, it's true. And it's always been private. So that's why it's funny because it's almost, you know, a good response to people when they say like, oh, you've broken boundaries. But also, when did Brian and Teresa tell you our boundaries?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
So that's what I think, though, too, for me, I think it's like I don't have a problem with addressing certain things. But when you address things and people still don't understand or don't believe you, that's when I automatically I'm like, you know what? Fine. I said my truth and I'm not going to keep going back and addressing the same issue over and over and over again.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
And that's why I said at the end of the day, I sleep great.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
We've been noticing comments of people bringing up stuff and situations and conversations that we've had in the past. And, like, way past. Like, we were young.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
And talking about Carly's story, we don't even know it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
I think to piggyback off that, too, I think one thing that I also would like to say is, you know, it goes back to people not knowing the full details of our story because things have been private. But even when Teresa said, like, I'm not going to be responding to your texts for a while.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
I, we spoke to adoptees and we got multiple adoptees and multiple adoptees told us, keep reaching out, send pictures, tag pictures along with your messages. So that way you have receipts. You can show Carly when she's older that you did not stop. And if her parents decide to show these to her or not, that's up to them.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
But at least you can go and say, I didn't stop. I tried to send updates, all of those things. Um, because as birth parents, when stuff gets cut off, you don't know what to do. So I figured, speaking to adoptees and other birth parents would push me in the right direction or what I should do.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Still kids. Like we were kids. We were young at all.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Okay. And I had someone that said, you know, I wish I would have saw my birth parents trying that hard. Right. You know? And it's like, oh, damn.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Right. It looks crazy. I'm sure. I get it. It does. But they didn't understand the backstory.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
How do you know? When did they tell you that?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Is when I see people state like, oh, Tyler and Kim forced Caitlin into this adoption. And basically what I get from it is like they're saying that I chose a man over my child because I was too afraid that you were going to leave. And then a lot of people were tagging me in this TikTok clip of a conversation that we had on a hill. I think we were like 18 years old.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Yeah. And that was from like way in the beginning of our, us making the adoption plan.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Well, and it comes back to people not fully being educated about adoption and open adoption because, like, we were told this whole time and this whole journey when we were making this decision for her was, you know, if you ever change your mind about openness or whatever during this, Dawn used to always say, we can pull out the beat eraser.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
We can erase it and we can make it to however you feel and however you want it. Right. So, yes, after she was born and we held her and saw her, of course, we thought to ourselves, oh, hell no. This is going to be really hard. I love her. I want to see her. I don't want to have any what ifs. I want to know what she's doing and what does she look like and what is she into?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
And so we told Dawn, no, no, no. We want to switch it to open.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Well, no, but I know like in some states like California, you can enforce it and stuff like that, too. But yeah, a lot of people. Yeah, they don't. But I think another misconception, which I think is funny that I'm seeing a lot lately. And I know that you mentioned it, too. So like my mom and I's relationship is in a better spot now than it was a year ago. And like, I love my mom.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Don't get me wrong. I do. I love her. She's my mom. But I see a lot of people saying April was right. April and Butch were right. See, they never should have done the adoption. And I'm like, do all you guys forget what you watched? Do you not recall all of the stuff that was happening at this house? My mom was using, Butch was using, we were moving all the time. My house was infested with fleas.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Remember Johnny Legas? Oh my God. Like horrible.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
My mom got arrested for drunk driving, like all of these things. And I'm like, so you think that I should have just like, yep, my mom was right. I totally should have brought a baby into that environment. Like. What?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Yeah, they wanted to fight for custody of her. And I remember the judge looking and saying, I see two young children standing in front of me knowing what they want for their child. And he was like, absolutely not. I deny it. And I remember they had to like...
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Getting arrested for DUI and, you know. Oh, my God.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
So if you see my mother and your dad acting like that on camera.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
What did people think it was like all the time?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
But it was a conversation you and I were having. And you asked me, like, did you ever have any fears that I would leave you if you were to make a different decision or anything? And so I started talking about all of my fears.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
What's even funnier though is when you see people making these videos and they're spewing just misinformation And you reach out to those people and you're like, hey, listen, you can still not like me, but you're spilling a lot of mistruth and I would like to inform you and then they block you, but then continue making videos about you.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
And there's other creators who you reach out to them and they like, oh my God, they're like, oh yeah. And then we'll talk. And even if they're like, well, I still don't agree, but like, you know, but I've had a lot of,
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
And one of my fears at that young age was like, yes, I had a fear that if I was going to parent that child and take that baby home, that we would not last forever and that we would break up eventually as a couple.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
H-I-P. You're wrong already. Hypocrisy. H-Y?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
I mean, honey, we have a whole show that you can talk about.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Oh, gosh, yes. Because then their video talking about us has, like, got hundreds of thousands of views.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
My thing is, though, is... when I was a child making this decision for my child, I was looking at statistics and people around me and all of the people around me that had babies at a young age. None of those people were with the other person. Like look at even just in general, statistically people that have teen pregnancies, the couples do not last. They break up.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
It's very, very rare that people will stay together after having a child at a young age.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
So to say if that was one of my fears, absolutely, that I would mean you would end up not working out and we would have to co-parent this child. And yes, that was a fear of mine. I didn't want my child to come into like a broken home or end up being in a broken home because you and I both experienced that, too. But I think people, yeah, they do twist it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Yeah, I thought that one was crazy, and I told your niece about it beforehand. I was like, this is what I'm going to show your uncle today when we record. And she was like, oh, my God. She was like, if I was that guy, I'd be like, what about me? Yeah. What about me? That's what I'm saying.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
At least we never have to worry about that. Thank God. High five. We went in that door.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
No, I feel like that's in any relationship. You have to talk about things.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Vanilla? Like what? I think just like normal sex.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Yeah, and I'm fine with that. I give you vanilla sex all the time.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
If that's what it's considered vanilla, then give me vanilla.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
but honestly i do think it's one of the most important things i think it's something that no one should settle settle on like you get married to someone you know that like your sexual compatibility should be exactly how it should be you shouldn't settle they shouldn't settle like and then you think too about how like so religion and stuff is so anti no sex before marriage don't live with people before you're married and stuff like that but then imagine if you guys get married and you're like oh my god i love this guy he's the best thing ever and then you guys consummate the marriage that night and you're like this sucks
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
And I know that you wouldn't have. Would we have deteriorated over the months or years? I think so.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
And I'm stuck with this dick forever. Then what do you do? And you and I have watched a few weird shows.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
And they were like highly religious and it was the most awkward. They didn't even know how to freaking kiss. I guess. I guess. Imagine them having sex.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
That's what I mean. Could you imagine you get in it and it's his weebies like this big? Yeah, but listen. Or what if she's got some like roast beef? Maybe some girls like them. I like an average-sized dick all the way. Average-sized dick. I hope my grandma doesn't listen to this.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
But you know what's funny is I noticed a lot of people were saying, can we get one of just you and Ty by yourselves again?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
I will uppercut somebody. That shit is no joke.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
clock that you know i never would even thought to be careful and what do i tell you all the time when you have like you see certain women coming and be like oh no i love it it's fucking amazing and i'm like you're a fucking liar you are a liar because if you love that shit something is wrong with you you're a liar lies lies because it ain't not ruining the mood quicker than that no then you hit you hit me jammed in the cervix for me i'm like oh my god dude
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
It hurts. Unless there are no different parts that's in the BDSM and they like the pain.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
No, thank you. I'm not trying to have a contraction. Thank you.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
They definitely need to have a conversation. Even if you have to get a therapist involved to help you, if you're not sure how to say what your needs are.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
They have sexual therapists and stuff like that too. Right, right. Or, you know, her and her husband should go on one of those, like, the sex retreats. To answer...
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Yeah, it's not all about having sex, but it's about learning about each other's bodies and connecting and talking about what you like and what you don't like there.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Well, at least you don't ever have to worry about me next to you while you sleep.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
What is we doing here? Like, what the fuck? So, yeah, it's not that we're, you know, off the topic of, you know, masturbation. Woohoo! Way to end the show.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Like the first episode I said, it's like ADHD on crack. um but again so we do have some after this week's episode we have some really fun and good interesting conversations with people coming up also don't forget to like and subscribe and share kate and ty break it down we are on instagram x facebook
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
tiktok all with the same username kate and ty breakdown you can catch us on spotify apple podcasts anywhere that you listen to podcasts you can find it and just huge thanks for the support and we look forward to talking to you guys next week yeah you guys are great thank you pluto tv has all the shows and movies you love streaming for free
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
go through this adoption uh me and my girlfriend are you know like it's a huge yeah so everyone hated on us yeah i think you're right i think we wouldn't have been able to just emotionally and mentally grow from all of just not even the adoption trauma but just our whole childhood yeah i mean we had a lot to go through but i think the thing that makes me angry like two things i would say that make me like upset the most is that when people turn around and say oh you
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
you know, you chose Ty, Ty forced you to do this adoption and his mom did. For one, I feel like you're stripping me of the sadness and the hurt and the strength that it took for me to hand over my child that I so desperately wanted to parent. I would never be that weak of a woman to choose a man over any of my children.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
I think that's going to end up being the more popular ones.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Even to this day, if something were to happen, I would be choosing my children. You know what I mean? Yeah. um and the other one is is that do people not think that you wanted this child i mean honestly
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
certain things but you're you're carrying this baby i have no control over this right or you could so i mean but that's what mine that's what mine like blows my mind is to people for people first of all to think that i would choose a man over my child but then again for them to just think that you have no emotions or sadness or sorrow or any want or that i would give you some ultimatum that's insane
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
That's sick. That is so disturbing. And then for me to continue to stay with you over all these years and have other girls, daughters, and I always say, if you guys really were to think that I'm that type of person, that's disgusting because I teach my girls completely opposite. You know what I mean? And they know that.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Like, I would never stay in a relationship and let my girls think that that would be a normal, healthy thing.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
But I do have to say the ones that have aired so far have been very fun. And, you know, I've learned a lot from the people that we've been talking to. So it's just been, you know, so far it's been a journey, but exciting. And I'm just really, I'm so thankful for the support. So grateful.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
And now I've gotten to a point where I know my last time addressing it. If you think that I am weak, I guess, and I guess believe whatever you want. Yeah. But, um, I was telling one of my friends the other day about this situation and I said, Eventually, it just gets to the point where I can say the truth and you can either believe it or not. I sleep good at night. I know my morals and my values.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
I know the person that I love and I care about. That's all that matters to me. I'm sick of addressing it constantly. I'm just kind of like, this is my last time addressing it. I'm not a weak woman. Tyler wanted this baby just as much as I did. We both leaned on each other so much. through all of those emotions and the sorrow and the back and forth of planning, making an adoption plan.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
And I think to, to go back to like what you said to, or what we were, we were saying about how MTV didn't document that time when we flip-flopped. And so, yeah, like I called Tyler and I was just like, And it was getting close to her delivery. So we were getting really anxious. And I was like, I don't think I can do this. I can't do this. I want to parent her.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
And he was on the phone and he was just like, okay, if that's what you want to do, we will do it. Are you sure that's what you want to do?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
And I was just like, I want to do it. And, you know, also what was not shown was... You know, there was, so it was a few weeks where I was like, okay, I'm going to parent this baby. This is what it's going to be. Yeah. And I was getting things and my, you know, my grandma was sending things to the house for the baby.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
And, and then one day, uh, my mom and I got into an argument and she looked at me and she said, oh yeah, well, who's going to buy your daughter diapers when she needs them? And then off rip and a snap. I was like, oh hell no. Cause I watched my grandmother hold things over my mom's head my whole entire life.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
And in that moment, I was like, I will not have anybody look at me and say that, how is your child going to get diapers? When that is one of the most necessity items of having a child.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
And so in that moment, that's when I was like, okay, no, never mind. I have to make this decision for her because if not, my life, it's going to be things held over my head forever and ever and ever and ever.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
And in that moment, you're thinking like, all right, I'm going to be a dad. We're going to do this. So was there any emotions for you in that moment when I called and was like, the adoption's back on. I can't do it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
You know, if you guys can continue to like and subscribe to the show, listen to the show, you can also catch it on Patreon. The episode always drops a week later on Patreon where you can watch the full video episode.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Yeah, because even when she was born, those thoughts come for sure.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
But I feel like when I found out I when I found out that I was pregnant, I feel like I automatically took you into consideration because I was because first of all, you were a good dude, a supportive dude were always there for me. And I was like, hey, this is 50 percent of his baby as it is mine. Like, I can't be the only one making all these decisions, even though I could have.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
No, I don't feel like that's fair. Unless, I mean, if you were a loser and a bullshit and just, like, left me, I would have been doing whatever the hell I decided to do, you know? Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
Do people forget, do they forget, like, we were literally growing up on television? Who doesn't make mistakes in their young years, you know?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
There's Always More To The Story
That's when you're talking about when you made the collage of all the pictures of Carly throughout the years and posted it on your private Facebook.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah, and do you feel like the show contributed to that?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah, so... I mean, obviously, I did see it in the media. I did see about your parents and all of that, but I didn't know the nitty-gritty of it all.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Or harder things going on in my life. It's like, oh, wow, look, I'm the kid and everything is hard in my life. Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
We're on air. Finally, it's our turn to ask you questions.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah, I want to go from, like, to the beginning. Like, how did your family even... How did that ever even happen? How was reality TV brought up to them? Were you guys always a known family before that happened?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Not that long ago.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah. I thought this was older.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Like, yeah, don't all of a sudden it gets leaked somewhere and now you're trying to backtrack and say, oh, I was aware that they had this or they threatened me with it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
My ex best friend. So she secretly put a camera in your bedroom. That you were staying in just in the hopes that she would catch you guys doing something and then did and then is trying to leak it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah. To like free up storage or whatever.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
100%.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yes, I know.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
It sounds very toxic.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
And that just made me, when you were explaining all of that, I was like, wow, I'm so blessed that we film a docuseries.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Absolutely not. I would not.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Like, I don't know if that's... Yeah, has it been like that your whole life?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Literally, while you were talking, I was thinking in my head, I'm like, you went through a lot of trauma.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
I know in the beginning you said how your stepmom adopted you. So I was curious if your mom was involved in your life ever since you were little or it stopped after they got a divorce.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Oh, yeah, that's right. And we didn't find it out until we were already been like sitting on it forever.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Well, when you were saying, when you were explaining all of that, like, I couldn't imagine just being a six-year-old child and having this mom for six years and then all of a sudden she's gone and I'm taken from her and I don't have any of the answers to why. That's super traumatic in itself.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Or going to my first high school dance with the date and going to pick out dresses with your mom and all those things that you miss out on.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah. Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
And to be of one family and connection and yeah, support.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
They hit certain ages, and then it'll bring up traumas from your childhood that you were like, oh my gosh, I thought I worked on that, or I didn't think that was an issue. And then they get to the age where something happened to you, and it's just you're flooded with all these feelings and emotions. So you've experienced that too? Yes, I have, 100%.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
But it's like some people do. Yeah. Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
How did you sleep at night? How did you do all these things? I can't.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
It was years.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah, because I think you're right when you talk about your dad just doing – Doing the best he can with what he knows. It's almost like that saying where they say, maybe give your parents grace because they were just doing it for the first time too and not knowing what was going on. When I saw that once, it hit me. I was like, wow. Because you really think about it like that.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Me being the first time parents that we are, I've never done this in another life that I remember ever doing. It's all new to me too.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
And it's like, I would rather sleep my life away than feel any of these feelings that I'm feeling.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Sometimes we need that though for, you know, I mean, I needed that. I needed that from you.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Did you have any anxiety during that time?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
And I think that helps like the more that we learn and we learn about ourselves and therapy and the things you do, you end up becoming more and more self-aware. And you can just like even for me now, I can notice little things that I'm like, oh, yeah, I need to call my therapist and my psychiatrist and we need to have a meeting and I need to go back to therapy. Yes. So you can just tell.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
And it's so much better to be able to be self-aware than end up in that spiral and just the circle and not feeling like you can't get out of it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
It is so important. So important. I mean, God, you're so right. Because same thing, like I had postpartum depression. I believe I had it with placing Carly. Yeah. And then I went through postpartum depression with Nova, but I didn't even know I had it until I was out of it. And I was able to like look back and be like, holy shit, I was depressed and I did not even realize.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Like I could just eat myself off the freeway, you know, or I could hit that tree if I was going 55 or, you know, like weird shit like that. Yeah. Yeah. And it literally, it took him one day he came up in my room and he's like, You're not okay. What's going on, you know? And then I just broke down. Like, I don't know. I'm feeling all these things.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
And he was the one who took me to see my first psychiatrist ever. And really, I needed him for that.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
I think it stems from anxiety disorders, the intrusive thoughts do. But I think you're spot on that it needs to be advocated for more of people. If you notice something, say something. You're not going to hurt our feelings. If anything, you might be saving us.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
I always say, unfortunately, it never ends.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
But you get better. It's like you learn something new.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Or old. Yes. You always learn great things, though, about yourself, which is awesome.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
But we made it a priority. Like we need to be, do individual therapy and then once a week we would come together and do couples therapy and it helped a lot.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
There's a huge stigma still around mental health. I think a lot of people are breaking that down little by little. And I think it takes people talking about it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Or grandma just hides it forever and ever. And then one day it just explodes, you know?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
I mean, Thank y'all for having me. Thanks for coming on.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
A very long seven days of work.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Yep. So then I take it your dad's probably pressuring you with that too. Yeah, everybody was pressuring.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Or they want to twist it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
And is that your dad and your stepmom?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Oh, yeah, with the show?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Well, because you get to control your authentic story, and, like, this is the real story.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
So it's your stepmom, not your biological mom.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
Oh, okay.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Chrisley Identity Crisis: Life before and after the cameras feat. Lindsie Chrisley
I'm not like with my family, which is weird.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
I feel like, you know, and we want you to do that. Yeah, I want you to advocate for her.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And so you agreed on it being filmed. you agreed to show up on reunions.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Yeah, it's it mostly sits in my jewelry box because I have lost it a few times being a kid, you know, so that so that stays. But yeah, things like that, you know, when it's when it's beneficial for them to exploit Carly. And to post – What do you mean by that?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
beginning uh yeah that you know i posted a picture a video or something i can't remember what it was and they and then we had a conversation it was filmed you were pregnant with nova we hashed it all out and we agreed from that moment forward like we won't post any more pictures any unapproved yeah any unapproved photos right and then yeah that's when you fast forward a few years because noble was born and that was the other visit where they got to meet for the first time
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And Teresa said, I sent pictures. Like, can I post this one and this one? And she's like, as long as you don't see her face, I'm fine with it. Just like how they've done for MTV when they cover some of our visits.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Or sometimes they've used clips of her voice, but they kind of auto-tune it so you can't really hear.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Yeah, like tell what her voice sounds like and stuff. So what I mean as far as like... They have kind of they've kind of exploited their situation, too, is is is those things like people want to put all the blame on us like you're on a reality TV show and they didn't sign up for this. It's like, well, they did.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And if you don't compensate us, then you're not allowed to use these pictures on TV.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
I know how beneficial it is for the adoptee.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And then they called us and had a conversation. And the only reason why they were upset, because we had the conversation, I said, you've always told me if it's in the back of her head, it's fine. And she goes, well, I guess I'm just, well, it was actually Brandon who said, well, I guess we're just kind of upset about it because now MTV can't pay us.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And see, so I'm saying a lot of people don't know that there's so much backstory to our story.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Well, I would like to know your opinion, though.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
But then it does make – but then it does have people looking at us like, oh my gosh, you're breaking boundaries. You're disrespecting, which I understand because nobody knows the full scope of things. But I'm telling you.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
No, this whole journey – and it's not like they get the money and they put it in account for Carly. No, they're using it to – pay for their flights, pay for their hotel, all that stuff, which I get. But when we had that conversation with them on the phone, I said, I wish you would have told me. I said, I would have helped you.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
I could help you and say, you ain't getting my picture either that I posted on Instagram unless you help them with their travel.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Like I get that. But the way that they would just always like, if it benefited them, they were going to do it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Yeah, we don't have anything to lose. And also just the fact of the matter that I truly in my heart of heart do not believe that it's Carly that wants this.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
I think it is fear-based. I think that it is... I think it's parental insecurity. Yes. I think there's some, like, infertility trauma, because that's hard.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
You know? Not being able to have your own shot. You know? Like, that's hard.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And it's sad. And I do feel like it's gotten... It's gotten... Things have gotten more rocky as she has gotten older.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Yes, she's been asking. She's asked questions. I've been informed of these questions that she's asking. And I think it scares them, which I get that when she's older, she might want everything to do with us and nothing with them.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And the sad thing is, though, is like I have told them even face to face, like Carly could come to me and say like, oh, my gosh, my mom and my dad just bug me because they want me to do this, this, this, this. I said, I will always have your back. And I will always say to her... They're your parents.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Those are your parents and they love you and they're doing those things because they want the best for you. And why I will... Even I can not agree with everything that they do.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
But I will always advocate for them and have their backs because guess what?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And I always tell Tyra, I'm like, those are the people who cuddled her when she scraped her knee riding her bike. Those are the ones who are cleaning up puke at 2 in the morning off the floor. Like, they love her and I know that.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And I've told them that face to face. So... Just the way that it's gotten is sad.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
You know? I mean, a lot of people didn't see before all this blew up on social media and the aftermath that I was physically going through. It brought up a lot of PTSD for me and for him. And it was a very hard time in my life. And it's just... And now that's why we're going to put the truth out there in ways that we can because it's not... There's bad things that each of us have done as people.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Is it Carly not wanting to have the visits? Because I would take that, and yeah, I would probably cry about it, but I would respect it. And then none of this would be happening.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
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Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Me personally, I have used BetterHelp and I really thought it was great because I got to look at multiple therapists for my specific needs and pick one that fit right for me. And if I ended up not feeling like it was a fit, I could then find a new one. And I really liked that part of it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
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Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
You know, I always say... It's hard. It's a hard thing.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
I think for both for me personally, I always say to myself, you know, if I could go back, there's things that I would change about my adoption. And I wish there was more things I was educated about when I was making that decision. I still think that I would have chose that option for her because all of the shit that I went through and shit afterwards, my mental health stuff, all of it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
You know what I mean? Like I definitely still would have. I just was not ready at that time. And I didn't, you know, it just, yeah.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
I would change some things. Yeah. And also we weren't educated on the fact of that. They always wanted a closed adoption.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Because I remember when she was born, I was like, oh, what's her last name? And they were like, oh, we don't want to tell you.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And then we get a card on her first birthday, and it had their full name on it, like Brandon True's full names with their last names. And it didn't click at first. I'm like, what? We went a year without knowing their last name. We went multiple years without being able to send gifts right to their house.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Yeah, like we would go to Dawn, and then Dawn would ship them. They would send stuff to Dawn, and then – But it was so – even some things came out after she was born and years down the road. Like I didn't know they always wanted a closed adoption.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And especially being children, like you said, signing these. They're not legally binding in any way, so it's not like I can get a lawyer and fight to see my kid. Not like I would do that anyways.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
But – We had no legal representation. We had nobody really – when you're 16, I was – You didn't have guidance either. Right. No, we didn't have any guidance, and I was going off of a verbal saying, oh my gosh, I'm giving them my child that I want so badly. Of course they're going to do everything they're going to say they're going to do.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
I agree with you. I can look back on some things and I see some clips now that I'm older and I'm like, whoa, that's weird.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
I think he was going to ask a question though.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
They have never said anything to us. I feel like they probably do. I'm assuming. And I don't know if it's just the culture of T-Mom fans and them just being in the South respecting them. Or maybe people do come up to Raina and Teresa because they are very recognizable people.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
right ask them though i remember we asked them to visit and they said no no where everything's everyone where we live is everything's really great and so we were like oh okay so i don't know if it's just a southern thing and like respect because i mean like you said there are weird people out there like we have had people message us and be like oh my gosh carly just walked into my coffee shop today and she was the sweetest little like i'm telling you so people are you know weird but obviously people know who she is i just think down there maybe it's like a respect thing because they know i'm not really sure to
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And so when you say, like, you think that it creates a bigger issue, in what sense do you mean?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
But then it's weird because – but then a part of Brandon and Teresa does want to. So it's confusing.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And seeing that stuff that people don't know, so I get why we look like –
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
We're disobeying or breaking boundaries.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Like how adoptees go through fog? I swear, I think there's a birth parent fog.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Well, I know that you and Ty met just a little bit.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
From an outside perspective, looking into our story, I can see where you would think that. And I understand that thought on that. But I think... Our main goal for putting stuff out publicly was because if Carly has a chance of being able to see that we never stop trying, she deserves to know that, in my opinion. Also... It is bringing awareness to everybody that is involved in adoption.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
But who's that harming at the end of the day?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
But what about Carly who's not going to have a present for the first – Especially when adoption is supposed to be centered around the adoptee.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Your hands are kind of tied in that sense where it's like – And I noticed a lot of people saying that, get a lawyer, get a – and I'm like, you guys – You can't do anything. Adoption is not legally binding.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Well, and now the fact of the matter, too, of Carly being 14, it's not like she doesn't remember all those memories.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Yeah. We were literally left in the dark.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
You know what I mean? But I've never even seen you or anything until all this stuff happened. So I was like, oh, that would be nice just to talk, you know?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Like, our feelings don't matter. That's what it's felt like for 14 years almost.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Yeah, she's spicy and yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah, so.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And it's like wishy-washy. It's like, oh, whoa, but you were fine with it last year. But okay, now you're not.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
But I was like, this was... If she would have told Dawn that, that would have, you know, triggered Dawn's brain. Like, oh, yeah, this.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
yeah i mean so i i mean i've done what i put in that especially like being parents now you know to have daughters and stuff like that like obviously what i want i'm going doing porn or you know but no if they want to take spicy photos or they feel really good about themselves then they want with our girls we talk about body all the time sexual like talking about sex and stuff like that shouldn't be looked down upon like because it's a natural thing right
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
So there are certain things, yeah, where it's like, yeah, we did give her a hard time.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
It's bringing awareness to adoptive parents that stuff like this happens, birth parents, and also it's giving a voice for adopted kids.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
religious beliefs and then it brings up the question too like so you know just if this was the case it's like you know you have people that work at strip clubs and they're strippers and they dance and they show their tits and some
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
I can see where you would think that.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
can be fully nude you know there's underwear models on billboards right but like our strippers not allowed to have children or does that hurt their children i don't know does yeah kelvin klein models and their underwear are they not allowed to have children you know so right it's a hard thing to balance but that's why we just said well we'll take it down if that's their reasoning yeah that we don't know if it is or not just in case yeah do we think we're morally wrong
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Yeah, accountable. I can say, oh shit, yeah, that wasn't really good and I'm sorry.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Yeah. And that's why I thought it was important to talk to you because I mean, you, you know, It's just important for people to know. There's two sides to every story.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Oh, yeah. I mean, I would I would be lying if I say that the way that my mother was growing up didn't it didn't affect me in a good voice. It has. And I've had to do lots of therapies to re to rewrite those ways. You know, mine's more or less like social monitoring and monitor and creating email or, uh, controlling emotions when I walk into a room of other people.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And so I, you know, I get what you're saying.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Yeah. So I don't know. After all of that, I don't really know what your updated version of thinking is or not. If we changed anything, if we brought awareness. It wasn't the goal.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Because that makes what you do even better, too. Yeah, it makes you better at your job.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
I think my biggest thing would be you have to – I'm going to help you with research.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
We're going to research this together because I'm an adult and I can help you.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Yeah. I think also I would give the advice of, like, really get to know these people. Don't only just meet them once. You know, get – Find somebody who wants what you want. If you want an open adoption, let's look at all the couples that want really open adoption. Meet with them more than once. Let's go to barbecues. Just talk and talk and talk and talk as much as you want.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
I would do my whole pregnancy. As soon as I knew I was going to make that decision, I would have continuously done that.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And we were never told any of that.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
this company will help you get a job and get on your feet.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
That's pretty much what it was. It was like, you take her home and you're struggling or you place her and she's going to be completely great.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
So I feel like... Yeah, I feel like kids who find themselves in situations, but also you can find yourself in this type of situation at any age. It's not... It doesn't just happen, you know, to young kids. I feel like... Being educated about all of the resources that there are in the world that can help you if you decide to parent.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Also, if, say, you choose that adoption is what you want to do, get legal representation for yourself.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And we were never told any of that. I wasn't told the statistics that my adopted child would be way higher likelihood of drug addiction, of suicide, of mental health issues.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Mental health does. So now she's even double-dosed, triple-dosed because then she's placed. Like, they don't tell you none of these things. Right. So I think that's why when I say there needs to be some sort of reform and there needs to be deeper things talked about because then we can make the best decisions for our children.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And his mom most recently just, like, got really upset. Like, we're super close with Ty's mom. And she got super upset. And she just apologized. And she said, I am so sorry. that I wasn't educated enough to not know that adoption wasn't the only choice either. And you can tell she's regretful about that.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And it sucks because we're all years out of it, and now we know. It's almost like if we would have known, not what we know, you know? And so you're right. We did. We deserved to have adults. you know, looking out for me after we gave, we never even watched it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And the fact of the matter, she was like, literally after placing Carly for adoption. Everybody saw what I was going back home to. All the adults in my life saw what I was going back home to.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
There needs to be more resources for the birth parents and education. Because I was just sent back into the chaos. And actually, it was 10 times worse than what it was.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
So... I think that's what I would just – yeah, I would love to just talk and educate them and give them all the facts. And they'd probably think I'm annoying after a while because I'd be like this, this, this, this, this. Read this book.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
So hopefully now with new information you go on your platform and say, hey, adoptees, this is – Or I learned more or I heard more or this is what I still believe and this is what I changed opinions on or whatever.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Absolutely, yeah. And so, you know, I just really thank you for taking the time.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
But I think even in the future, I think there's other conversations we could have about different things too.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
We could even do it via like a Zoom type of app and stuff too from home. And I just really appreciate your opinions and your thoughts and your inputs on the situation. And just thank you for coming.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
You know, I mean, we don't know, obviously, because, you know, they have completely cut us off, blocked me. You know, now she's telling us that we're not allowed to even send gifts to the house anymore.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
yes so i want to give you a little bit of backstory yes please do okay so what happened was is so there's carly but they also have another adopted child okay and so me and that birth mom she lives in michigan she has you know kids she's raising and stuff me and her talk and um we're pretty close because we share that bond um
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
It all started with his, it's hard, it gets confusing, but Carly's, her brother's birth mom reached out to me and said, hey, do you think we're getting a visit this year? The kids are getting older, you know.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
has Teresa said anything to you and I said no but I can start a group text and we can ask her you know so that's what we did and so I we sent a text in this group chat and I just said hey you know uh we would love to try to get together this summer we'd be more than willing to come to North Carolina and even meet up just for dinner one day uh and after I said that to her
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
she ghosts me for weeks, which this is typical of Teresa. I can message Carly and say, I can message Teresa and say, hey, how is Carly in school? Is she liking it? Not hear anything for weeks.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
No, that always happens. And then, so days go by, a week goes by, and then the birth mom messages me, hey, has she said anything? No. So I reach out in, hey, just checking in on this, wondering if you and Brandon had the time to talk about it. And she was just like, you know, I know it's disappointing, but no, we're not planning to have a visit this year.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And I said, yeah, I said it's disappointing just because of all the kids. You know, like all the kids, like my kids are getting older. They know Carly. They know that's her sister.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
The other birth mom's kids, same thing. They know that their brother is out there and they ask questions. I said, so it sucks that, you know, we can't even meet up just for a dinner, you know? And then Teresa was like, yeah, I understand, you know, whatever. But just know that we love and we care about you guys so much.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Yeah. And and then so and she got upset with me because I said, you know, it doesn't feel like love. You know, like people that I truly love and I care about that are involved in my life. I make time for those people. I even if it's just an hour, like I want to spend time with the people that I love and I care about. So she got upset with me that I said that.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And then you fast forward a few weeks and it was like Carly's birthday. So, of course, I'm like, hey, I texted recently. Hey, I sent Carly gifts. Please let me know if she gets them. And she answered me on that day. But even a few days after her birthday, I checked in again and it was like she never responds again. You know, weeks go by, then I check in again, no response.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And I'm like, okay, you know, what's going on?
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And then she just came back with, like, you know, the way that you speak about us isn't nice and we're not going to be responding for a while, which kind of blew mine in a little bit because I was like, I've never – I mean, you can watch everything that I've shown – on this journey. And I have never called them out of their names.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
I have never said that they were shitty-ass parents, weren't doing a good job raising my child. Because I believe all those things. I believe that they do. She's an amazing, well-rounded kid because of them. And so when she said that, my response to her was basically like, I get that. I get that if your feelings are hurt and my feelings are hurt, too.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And when you want to have a conversation about that, I'm here for it. And we should have that conversation. And I told her, I said, but, you know, until then, I'm going to continue to send gifts to Carly like I always have. And I'm going to continue to send updates like I always have. And so that's why when people online said like, oh, my God, Caitlin's just blowing her up all the time.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
It was like, no, that all those messages were from after I got that text from her and me telling Teresa like, OK, I get it, but I'm going to send updates. And they were like once directed to Carly.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Once like every other week. And one of the main reasons why I decided to do that also was because. I had a lot of adoptees and birth parents reaching out to me and saying, don't ever stop. One day she is going to see all of those things that you tried to give her and show her and all of the things. And so I continued to do that. Then I found out she blocked me.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And I found that out through our adoption counselor, Dawn. And I was still sending gifts every once in a while, you know, or whatever for a birthday. I sent her crumble cookies because teens love crumble cookies. I don't know what it is.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
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Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
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Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
So, hi, Jordi. It's nice to meet you.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
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Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Go to quince.com slash break it down for 365 day returns plus free shipping on your order. That's q-u-i-n-c-e dot com slash break it down to get free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash break it down. So then, yeah, and so I obviously unblocked from her phone number still. And so I sent Carly, I sent her some flowers and it had like a note on it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Okay. Half a mil. How did you – well, how did you even get started on TikTok? Like, what made you think –
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And so I asked Dawn, can you reach out to Teresa? I just want to make sure that they got there. And then she came back to Teresa and said, you know, you can tell Kate and Titus, but they're no longer allowed to send gifts to our house. It is disrespectful. And...
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
I mean, that's... No, they keep her from it.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Sorry. So, I mean, so it was just the whole gift thing. And the thing that, yeah, like how Ty said about, I don't understand why you would stop gifts, especially after 15 years. One of my things also, too, is like I sat there as a child, a literal child.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
And that was my main thing that I said to her and Brandon was like, I don't, you know, above everything else, I just want to be able to send her birthday gifts and send her Christmas gifts and Easter. I remember telling him I will send everything for any holiday just because I want her to know that she is loved by us and that we haven't forgotten about her.
Cate & Ty Break It Down
Bringing The Truth To Light with Jordy Cray
Yeah, so I think there's a lot of underneath going on, and I know a lot of people say that we are exploiting Carly or posting stuff when we are asked not to, and part of this podcast is to also get my part out of that's not all factual. There's a lot of things...