Chana Joffe-Walt

I asked Maram later, what do you think Banias gets out of talking to me? She told me, you're a bubble for her. Every time you call, she treats it like an important meeting, tries to find a private space away from all of us. Everyone around Banyas is in the midst of this chaos, she said. You're not here. You're not experiencing any of this.

Banyas was telling me a version of life where she has ultimate authority, where she gets to be the narrator. Who doesn't want that? I was coming to her to understand the war, but she was coming to me to not talk about the war. Until one day, she did. That's coming up from Chicago Public Radio when our program continues.

It's This American Life. I'm Chana Jaffe-Walt sitting in for Ira Glass. Our show today, The Narrator. An eight-year-old in Gaza tells us about her life in the middle of a war. This war started in 2023. Hamas attacked Israel, killed about 1,200 people, and took 251 people hostage. Since then, Israel has launched a 14-month ground invasion and bombing campaign in Gaza.

More than 44,000 Palestinians have been killed, and more than 13,000 of those dead are children. Banyas and her family never moved into a tent. After the Israeli army issued that evacuation order for Darabala, her parents agonized over when and if they should flee for days. The dangers of moving into a tent could be worse than tanks outside their house. They decided to stay put.

It was early October. The family was coming up on a year of war and displacement, and Banyas had an announcement.

Yesterday there was no bombing or fighting?

What do you mean? Who did you kill all of?

I realized as we were talking, this was October 2nd, the day before, Iran had launched 180 missiles at Israel.

Keyifna. Keyifna? Yes. What's keyifna mean?

Banias, you're talking about the missiles yesterday to the Israelis? Yes. How did you feel about that?

This threw me, hearing Banias talk about killing Israelis. No Israelis were killed from these missiles. One Palestinian man was, near Jericho. It's one of those empty truisms about war, that kids in a war learn to hate the other side. A true thing about war that also can feel a little abstract. But here it was, showing up, randomly folded into the rest of Banias' narration.

To her playing with me, messing with me, that the home she was sheltering in was bombed. Which it could have been, but wasn't. I asked Maram if I could talk with her about this day, told her what Banyasa told me. What was happening that day?

Were you celebrating? Were you guys celebrating?

Maram told me she does not tell Banias to hate Israel or celebrate when Israel is attacked. Banias' dad, she says, also doesn't do this. But Maram was not surprised to hear Banias was saying this. She remembers feeling the same way when she was a kid growing up in Gaza. Maram was 10 years old when she first experienced Israeli bombing, after the second Intifada broke out.

She remembers crying when she saw her first dead body, and collapsing when she saw footage of a 12-year-old Palestinian kid, Mohammed al-Dura, killed while hiding next to his father. Banyas was born in 2016. Her first war was when she was four years old.

There's something I've been thinking about when it comes to kids in wars, but kids in Gaza in particular. It's something a psychologist told me, Dr. Iman Farajallah, who studies the effect of war and occupation on Palestinian kids. She told me it really gets under her skin when people at the UN or healthcare professionals or whatever say kids in Gaza are suffering from PTSD.

Post-traumatic stress means the traumatic event is over. For kids in Gaza, the trauma is continuous. There is no post. There's no opportunity for recovery. Instead, there is just coping. Dr. Faragella says you'll see kids cope in all different ways. Some kids act out. Some can't leave their parents' side. Other kids get obsessed with soccer or drawing.

Or children try to shape their world in other ways. For instance, Maram told me when Banias was six years old, there was an Israeli military operation in Gaza, lots of fighting, and Banias was sitting on the window watching ambulances rush people to the hospital, blowing bubbles out the window. Maram asked her, what are you doing? And Banias said, I'm trying to change the mood.

It's almost like she's like willing it. She's willing. She's using all of the force to will life into being easier than it is.

That was basically the end of my conversation with Maram. As she did the first time around, Banias decided it was time for us to move on. My calls with Banyas have grown more infrequent. The last time she called, I was in my office heading into a meeting. I was going to just say a quick hello, make sure she was okay. Hello? Hi, Banyas. How are you? Hi. Are you calling me on video? Yes, I am.