Chelsea Handler

And then there's two seats across from me and we're waiting and I'm on the end of the table and I'm waiting to see, not waiting to see who's going to be there, but just those were the two empty seats. And I see Woody Allen and Soon-Yi walk in and I'm like, no. I'm not going to do that.

And then there's two seats across from me and we're waiting and I'm on the end of the table and I'm waiting to see, not waiting to see who's going to be there, but just those were the two empty seats. And I see Woody Allen and Soon-Yi walk in and I'm like, no. I'm not going to do that.

There's no way. I cannot kiss ass. I cannot be fake. I mean, I can a little bit because I've lived in LA for now 30 years, but I prefer not to be. I was kicking Katie under the table and I'm like, this isn't going to go well. I'm going to say something. I know myself. I have outbursts. I don't know when they're going to happen. I'm as surprised as the next person when they do happen.

There's no way. I cannot kiss ass. I cannot be fake. I mean, I can a little bit because I've lived in LA for now 30 years, but I prefer not to be. I was kicking Katie under the table and I'm like, this isn't going to go well. I'm going to say something. I know myself. I have outbursts. I don't know when they're going to happen. I'm as surprised as the next person when they do happen.

There's no way. I cannot kiss ass. I cannot be fake. I mean, I can a little bit because I've lived in LA for now 30 years, but I prefer not to be. I was kicking Katie under the table and I'm like, this isn't going to go well. I'm going to say something. I know myself. I have outbursts. I don't know when they're going to happen. I'm as surprised as the next person when they do happen.

I'm also going like, when are you going to shut up? And she was like, can you not? And I was like, well, no, I definitely am going to have to say something. And she said, okay, can you wait? And I was like, wait for what? And she's like, can you wait to the end of the dinner?

I'm also going like, when are you going to shut up? And she was like, can you not? And I was like, well, no, I definitely am going to have to say something. And she said, okay, can you wait? And I was like, wait for what? And she's like, can you wait to the end of the dinner?

I'm also going like, when are you going to shut up? And she was like, can you not? And I was like, well, no, I definitely am going to have to say something. And she said, okay, can you wait? And I was like, wait for what? And she's like, can you wait to the end of the dinner?

And I was like, oh, I've never tried waiting. That's a fun endeavor. Maybe I can try this as an experiment. And so I did. And so I had this very fraudulent conversation with him, asking him about all the movies he directed. Tried to appear interested because I'm disgusted by Woody Allen. And I had to pretend that I wasn't disgusted by him and his daughter bride.

And I was like, oh, I've never tried waiting. That's a fun endeavor. Maybe I can try this as an experiment. And so I did. And so I had this very fraudulent conversation with him, asking him about all the movies he directed. Tried to appear interested because I'm disgusted by Woody Allen. And I had to pretend that I wasn't disgusted by him and his daughter bride.

And I was like, oh, I've never tried waiting. That's a fun endeavor. Maybe I can try this as an experiment. And so I did. And so I had this very fraudulent conversation with him, asking him about all the movies he directed. Tried to appear interested because I'm disgusted by Woody Allen. And I had to pretend that I wasn't disgusted by him and his daughter bride.

I even asked him about Annie, confusing it with Annie Hall. I was like, so what was it like directing Annie? And he was like, I didn't direct that one. I was like, yeah, but you know about it, you sick fuck. And then it was like the first time I had ever had to employ patients. It is a virtue. I was like, let's see if I can do this. And I waited until the end of dinner.

I even asked him about Annie, confusing it with Annie Hall. I was like, so what was it like directing Annie? And he was like, I didn't direct that one. I was like, yeah, but you know about it, you sick fuck. And then it was like the first time I had ever had to employ patients. It is a virtue. I was like, let's see if I can do this. And I waited until the end of dinner.

I even asked him about Annie, confusing it with Annie Hall. I was like, so what was it like directing Annie? And he was like, I didn't direct that one. I was like, yeah, but you know about it, you sick fuck. And then it was like the first time I had ever had to employ patients. It is a virtue. I was like, let's see if I can do this. And I waited until the end of dinner.

And then the server went around and plated all of our desserts. It was blackberry cobbler. I'm like, I'm going to get you now. And he went and took a bite of his blackberry cobbler. And I leaned in and said... So how did you two meet? To him and Sunyi. And the whole table just was like... But he was laughing, of course. He spit out, yeah, he was chewing. I'm surprised he laughed.

And then the server went around and plated all of our desserts. It was blackberry cobbler. I'm like, I'm going to get you now. And he went and took a bite of his blackberry cobbler. And I leaned in and said... So how did you two meet? To him and Sunyi. And the whole table just was like... But he was laughing, of course. He spit out, yeah, he was chewing. I'm surprised he laughed.

And then the server went around and plated all of our desserts. It was blackberry cobbler. I'm like, I'm going to get you now. And he went and took a bite of his blackberry cobbler. And I leaned in and said... So how did you two meet? To him and Sunyi. And the whole table just was like... But he was laughing, of course. He spit out, yeah, he was chewing. I'm surprised he laughed.

And then Katie's like, okay, it's time to go. First of all, I want to say I slept like a fucking baby that night because I was so happy that I didn't leave that dinner. Got home and I was like, I can't believe I just sat there and smiled.

And then Katie's like, okay, it's time to go. First of all, I want to say I slept like a fucking baby that night because I was so happy that I didn't leave that dinner. Got home and I was like, I can't believe I just sat there and smiled.

And then Katie's like, okay, it's time to go. First of all, I want to say I slept like a fucking baby that night because I was so happy that I didn't leave that dinner. Got home and I was like, I can't believe I just sat there and smiled.