Chris Cella
speaker
267 appearances
1 recordings
1 series
first heard May 2025
last heard May 2025
Chris Cella’s voice in public audio — every appearance, attributed to the second.
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Appearances
Like I own everything that I did and all the terrible things that I did. It's not. But I think that the chaos that I had that I, you know.
Basically, I didn't have the necessary things like structure and discipline that I think are so important for everyone, but especially for people with addictive personalities to have that rigid kind of, I'm going to wake up, I'm going to make my bed, I'm going to do this, I'm going to do that. And so, like, my parents, I was never sure. I knew my parents loved me. Like, my parents, they...
I was never short on that, but they were so busy trying to deal with my sister and their own issue. My father, he's been off. He stopped drinking. He just cold turkey stopped drinking for – it's been 25 years now.
Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, he never went to AA or anything like that. And so, again, it's, you know, addiction or, you know, treatment can be as simple as, you know, going to therapy. It doesn't have to include, you know, rehab and all these different things. But, yeah.
uh so yeah my so my sister your mom uh she so she um eventually switched over to suboxone from fentanyl and then she weaned herself off of that so now she's yeah totally and suboxone is a miracle drug i mean compared to like the alternative which is um methadone which is so so addictive it gets into your bone marrow i mean the the withdrawals from that um
i've heard are much worse than you know your average opiate or even heroin um just because it's it's more drawn out and yeah terrible what a nightmare um so she got better yes and your dad got better but you grew up in an environment where there was a lot of this going on yeah and um
So yeah, and lacking that structure, it made me, you know, I think it led to a sense of low self-esteem and the constant need for the approval of others. Like I look back now and I'm like, you know, why the fuck do I, did I care so much about what other people thought?
And it's, I guess, you know, I can't, you know, but after years of therapy, they've kind of pinpointed as to like, you know, your quote unquote inner child didn't get enough emotional nourishment, so to speak. And so, yeah, you know, I was so constantly trying desperately to fit in. So, you know, when I got into middle school, high school, and, you know, I was, you know, an honor roll student.
very, very, you know, I was very, you know, I have a high IQ. I was blessed with that. But once I got into like college where you actually have to start kind of trying a little bit like algebra two and whatnot, I was like, you know, because I started hanging out with kids who were smoking weed, drinking and smoking cigarettes. So,
Not that I necessarily wanted to smoke weed, drink and smoke cigarettes, but that's what they were doing. So I wanted, you know, I wanted their approval. I wanted to fit in. I wanted to be a part of the cool crowd. And so I started drinking, you know, smoking cigarettes and smoking weed. And so that went on for, you know, I quit the wrestling team.
I, you know, I pretty much abandoned everything that, you know, was positive, you know, all the positive things that I was doing for my life and just kind of became a stoner. And, um, and, you know, I know a lot of kids who were potheads in high school, you know, that I'm friends with that are more successful than I today. So I'm not, you know, trashing them at all.
But I mean, then what happened was it progressed to the, cause I was in, you know, advanced placement classes. So I was in like algebra two as a sophomore where, you know, I was, it was mostly juniors and seniors in the class. And so I started hanging out with the juniors and seniors and they were doing, uh, It's called oxymorphone or opana.
They were snorting that, taking Xanax, pills, stuff like that. And my stoner buddies... Where were they getting the pills? So they were getting them – there was pretty much – we had like one source and he was a guy that just lived down the street in an apartment complex. It's always a guy in an apartment complex, isn't it? Yeah, for sure.
And he – his grandmother was getting prescription – getting these prescription drugs and just had like – a boatload of them so you know he would sell them for 60 bucks a pop um and you know we would buy them uh But eventually, you know, that it becomes too expensive. The pill habit becomes too expensive. And that's why so many people transition to heroin.
But, you know, even my stoner friends were like, hey, you should like you should try to steer clear of those guys over there. And I'm like, OK, yeah, I'm going to take your heaping loads of moral condemnation stoner. But but in reality, it's like when the potheads are telling you that to stay away from these kids, you know, they're bad. No, no, that's right. Like, yeah.
And so, you know, of course, you know, my. again, that low self-esteem, that desire to fit in, started using pills and opiates in particular, they took away that feeling of that, like that low self-worth. I felt I was confident. I, you know, I felt great at the beginning, in the beginning, in the very early stages of my addiction. So like the first, you know, two, three months. And I had a job.
I was a telemarketer at a golf club selling quote-unquote custom made made clubs they're literally made in a warehouse underneath the call center by illegals and they're it was either graphite or steel and they might uh give you extra grips on the clubs that's the extent of the customization yeah but comparable to the tailor-made r11 yes okay yeah right
Yeah. And, you know, go in the car, do a line of Opana and come back in and it's just like, oh my gosh, you know, I have more confidence and I'm pushing harder on the sales and things like that. And my sales numbers are going up. So, I'm like… Why would I stop when this is like, I feel great about myself. I'm performing better at work.
So, you know, I saw it as like, there's like, there's no downside until. Totally fair question.
Yeah. And I think, you know, it to an extent it can, but that is short lived. It is not, you know, it's temporary because especially with opiates, they again, they what they do, they literally they erode your soul and you're eventually going to run out of money and you're going to have to get desperate.
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