Chris Duffy

This episode was recorded in front of a live audience at the TED conference in Vancouver, British Columbia.

Francesca is the author of the new book, How to Find True Love.

It's really fantastic.

I recommend it.

I have a lot of things I want to talk about in it.

But Francesca, let's first start with kind of a really big question, which is what is the purpose of love?

And you have this line that you start with, it's really early in the book, it's literally on page one, that true love is an inside job.

So can you talk a little bit more about that?

One of the things that I would imagine you get a lot as a matchmaker is people telling you their list of what they're looking for.

Yes.

And I thought one of the most interesting parts of the book to me is you talk about one of your clients who had this very, very specific type of person that they were looking for.

But you say, a client once said, being with a black Christian man is my heart's desire.

It's the only thing I'm open to.

And then you say, for my client, herself black and Christian, that was her truth and the only kind of person she'd ever been attracted to, despite knowing people of many different backgrounds.

If you feel similarly convicted to only be with someone of a particular group, that is of course your choice to make.

However, the reason why you've made that choice is worth examining.

I thought that was a really interesting idea and I'd love for you to tell us a little bit more about what you mean by that.

You talk about, people often think of standards, of having standards in dating, as meaning who they would date.

Like, I would not date a man who is shorter than six feet.

I would not date a woman who looks in this different way.